February 28, 1964
High Life
Page Five
'‘When A Cigarette
Means A Lot..
BY MIKE COWHIG
Now, when the medicine men
are crying “please don’t smoke
the cigarettes,” and the advertis
ing medians are intimating “do
it, do it, you know you can’t stop
now,” it is a wonder where it
will all end, if it ever does.
It might be that the admen will
revamp their ideas for consumer-
stimulus to meet the opposition.
But if those who are preaching
tobacco temperance could acquire
influence of Madison Avenue for a
period of time, what sort of
changes could they make in the
present cigarettes advertisements.
Possibly they could come up
with a very inspiring ad for L.&M.
cigarettes, where they would not
have too much rearranging to do
to the standing advertisement. For
such: on the back of a magazine
one might find written in big
black and red letters "Get lots
more lung cancer from L.&M.
This would be under a picture of
a funeral procession for a woman
with the husband looking on with
a cigarette protruding from his
mouth and the caption "When a
cigarette means a lot. . .” Wouldn’t
that be pleasant? The ad would
go on to give statistics on cancer-
effecting tobaccos used, approxi
mately how long it takes, etc.,
closed with the line “L.&M.’s the
filter cigarette for people who
really DON’T like to smoke, or do
anything else for that matter.”
Or maybe MAD MAGAZINE
had the right idea, also, when it
showed on the back cover of the
magazine, an advertisement for
“Likely Strife” cigarettes. On the
front of the pack under the brand
label “likely Strift,” is written
“It figures.” A picture for this ad
has a man getting a thumb’s down
sign from his doctor as he steps
from behind the x-ray machine,
cigarette tumbling from his part
ing lips.
Parliament could try the gim
mick slogan “At least our cancer-
tobaccos are recessed a neat, clean,
quarter-inch away from your lips.”
And for Viceroy. You guessed
it! “Viceroy’s got it at both ends.
Either way you smoke it, you get
it. That’s right, that’s right!”
Yet even now you do not see
much of a decline in the smoking
populace about you. “And for good
reason,” might interject Raleigh
Cigarettes, “because, do you know
what you would be missing with
out those free Raleigh coupons
you get on the back of the pack,
five extra in every carton?” Sure,
you know. All that swell lung
cancer.
But enjoy smoking while you
can, and if you are going to smoke,
you might as well make use of
the convenient Humiflex Plastic
Pack. Pray, what is a Humiflex
Plastic Pack? Do the Beatles
smoke?
Pictures depict school life at Grimsley
THE BOAR AND
CASTLE
Greensboro’s Most
Popular
Sandwich Shop
Spacious Parking
Ground
West Market Street Ext.
Pause...
Refresh
BOTTLEe UNDER AUTHORITY OF THE COCA-COLA TOMPANY BY
GREENSBORO COCA-COIA BOTTLING CO.
The Exchange Desk Bill’s
By BECKY REES
Realizing that because of your
ignorance, this column is prob
ably over the heads of many of
you, we are condescending to de
fine for you, certain terms com
monly bandied about among jour
nalists.
HIGH LIFE—Eight pages of the
latest (three weeks late) news.
Advertisers—People who give us
their money and then mark it off
their income tax as charity.
Publication date—A specific day
set aside that we pass by without
going to press.
Feature page—Where all the ar
ticles go that can’t be classified
as news or sports.
Copyreading — Articles that we
read and copy from other school
newspapers, such as this one from
the BLUE AND GOLD, Burling
ton, Washington, by way of the
Spartanburg High SCRIBBLER.
Now that you’re in on the se
cret, on to bigger things. At this
time, when we all have exchange
student on the brain, the com
ment of a French exchange stu
dent (female) should be interest
ing, “My main impression of
America is of modernism and ac
tivity. The level of life in Ameri
ca is very high, as in France, and
I have here an impression of com
fort and facility. I don’t know if
I am right, but the American life
which is so artifical seems to me
to be a little superficial, although
it is entrancing.” (THE WINGE
PRESS, Flora H. S., Columbia,
S. C.)
The last quote might be de
batable, but all seniors can vouch
for the truth of this gem! “An
autobiography usually reveals
nothing bad about it’s writer ex
cept his memory.” (THE FULL
MOON, Albemarle H. S., Alber-
marle, N. C.)
An opinion on the speaker ban
law ;“North Carolina’s ‘gag law’
. . . says that where freedom of
speech is permitted in it’s truest
sense, democracy will falter. It
paves the way for other laws fur
ther abridging democratic free
doms: why not ban the Commu
nists, or any other minority, from
speaking anywhere in the state?
The law, by banning those who
have taken the fifth amendment
before Senate investigation com
mittees, implies that those who
have the audacity to use America’s
constitution, are criminals. It even
duplicates the methods Commu
nists themselves have found so
useful: present only one side of
an issue and make advocacy of
anything else illegal.” (THE
EAGLE’S EYE, Enloe, H. S., Ra
leigh, N. C.)
For all girls in a moral dilem
ma, worrying that they ought to
put a ban on something else, our
Ann Slanders recommends a new
book. Can Petting Go Too Far?,
by Lassie. (THE ROYAL DAN,
Dan River H. S., Ringgold, Va.)
Finally, please pull your minds
from that subject long enough to
consider this memorial to Presi
dent Kennedy from our neighbor
across town. “In Mr. Kennedy
many see a man of undaunted
courage and conviction. He be
lieved that all men are equal.- As
if this weren’t enough, he also at
tempted to convert others to this
idea. Most of us here at Dudley
High School feel that the Negro
as a group in this crowded, un
merciful and bitter world, has lost
a once-in-a-lifetime partner and
friend; a truly devoted leader;
one who fought till his dying day
for their and his cause, the cause
of freedom, liberty, and justice
for all, regardless of race, reli
gion or background.” (THE PAN
THER’S CLAY, Dudley H. S.)
Show-Through
Some one at Peace Corps head
quarters in Washington, D.C., has
made a list of remarkable state
ments on application forms and
reference statements. Some of
them:
“First, I thought you had to be
an English major to teach Eng-
ish; then I learned different.”
“I’m quite prolific, but haven’t
developed any particular skill in
anything.”
“There are two ways to do
things, her way and the wrong
way.”
“He can just about carry on a
conversation with anything that
comes up.”
“These are the people whom I
feel know me best. If you would
like another list of people who do
not know me as wel, but are in
more important positions, please
let me know.”
“I have seen her react favorably
when her hand was mashed in a
car door.”
“Even police patrolman that
have arrested him in past years
stated they like him.”
—Taken from American Red Cross
Journal
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BY BILL ILER
This column is dedicated to Mr.
Balance whose punishments could
not be any worse than this:
MORE PUNS
Did you hear about the German
mother who always felt bettqr pre
pared to receive company after
she had washed her Hans.
Doctor: “What is your best trick?”
Magician: “I saw women in half.”
Doctor: “Is it hard?”
Magician: “It’s crip. I learned it
when I was a little boy.”
Doctor: “Are there any more chil
dren at your home?”
Magician: “I have several half-
sisters.”
Missionary: “Why do you look at
me so potentially?”
Witch Doctor: “Im the tribe’s food
inspector.”
“Let’s go camping,” Tom said in
tently.
Itchy: “Doctor, did you say that
eating radishes would make my
skin break out?”
Doctor: “No, I never make any
rash promises.”
A sea gull soared and landed
on a channel marker . , . buoy
meets gull..
“I saw a man-eating shark at
the aquarium.”
“That's nothing; I saw a man
eating sardine in the park.”
First Pelican: “Pretty good fish
you have there.”
Second Pelican: “Well it does fill
the bill,”
“What did the protoplasm say
to the amoeba?”
“Don’t bacilli.”
“What did Cleopatra say when
Mark Anthony asked if she was
true to him?”
“Omar Khayyam.”
King Arthur had lots of knights
who fared forth on coal-black
chargers to rescue beautiful maid
ens from dragons’ clutches, but
one knight was mounted on a St.
Bernard dog. This knight’s name
was Sir Marmaduke, and he and
the St. Bernard performed many
a daring deed. One evening, how-
ever, they were caught in a tor
rential thunderstorm, and sought
shelter at a nearby tavern. “Res
ervation?” asked the room clerk.
“No,” admitted Sir Marmaduke.
“Sorry,” said the clerk, “no room
without a reservation.” It was at
this moment that he discovered
that Marmaduke was sitting
astride his faithful St. Bernard.
“Hold on,” said the clerk, “We’ll
have to find something for you.
I wouldn’t send a knight out on
a dog like this.”
Mr. Jessup in talking to his
Seniors about registration at mid
term and how not to get in his
class slipped when he said, “Ya’Il
just aren’t very manure.. ..”
Bryant and Jim were overheard
singing—"Don’t you know that the
Byrds the word?
There was a girl from Greens
boro, whose name was Julie Kis
singer. She didn’t like the name
Kissinger so she had it changed
to Mackay. Two months later she
tired of Mackay and changed to
Johnson. Then she decided she
had made another mistake and
changed to Cantrell. By this time
all her friends had begun to ask.
“I wonder who’s Kissinger now?”
I leave you with this: Beautiful
legs tare sometimes without equal,
but bow-legs are without parallel.