Dec. 11, 1967.
HIGH LIFE
Page Three
Charlie’s ^^Super Stud^^ Corner
BY CHARLES BRITTON
Long time no see! I know how
it is now to have two reference
papers due during the same week.
If you’ve never had that experi
ence, keep your chin up; your
chance will arrive forthwith (or
something like that). Have you
had any thoughts lately? Whoops
—I meant to say, have you had
any thoughts about GHS life?
Send them to the High Life room
postmarked “Corner”. That way
I’m sure to receive them.
I have a special treat for you
this week. It’s a satirical letter
from a pen pal in Michigan who
is a friend of a friend of mine
right here in “Whirlieland”. Got
that? Right! Herewith and hence
forth forevermore I begin the let
ter and in addition (2-(-13—15)
here endeth my close friendship
with he that hath received this
epistte. That’s right. He doesn’t
Aliens Land - Secret Weapon Foils
BY TED TALLY
8:36 p.m. It was passionate pink
n hue, with red and green flash
ing lights, and made gurgling
jiren noises that would have put
;he Philharmonic Orchestra to
shame. Its size and structure
svere roughly equivalent to the
VOilkswagon Company’s design of
jn M-3 Tank Destroyer, and the
fvay it crashed through a half a
dozen large trees and landed on
aur station wagon (smunching it
in like a proverbial can of Coun
try Club Malt Lager) made a
aharging bull elephant look sub
tle. I tentatively identified it as
i “flying saucer.”
Call Police
8:37 p.m. I called the police to
report an Anonymous Object land
ing in my yard, probably flown
ay aliens from “somewhere over
the rainbow.” The desk sergeant
jave me the number of the local
jhapter of Alcoholic’s Anonymous.
[ thanked him for his help and
lung up.
8:43 p.m. Realizing that I would
have to investigate on my own, I
went out into the front yard arm
ed with a submachine gun, a but
terfly net, some trading beads,
and my poker deck. I felt I was
covered for all possible contin
gencies.
Try Anything Once
8:44 p.m. I knocked on the
door, or the hatch, or the plate,
or the lid, or whatever you want
to call the closed opening on the
saucer, or craft, or ship, or ve
hicle or whatever it was.
8:441/2 p.m. Nobody home
(thank goodness).
8:45 p.m. Somebody was home
after all. They got me with their
zzap as I was making a “stra
tegic withdrawal.”
8:46 p.m. Once inside the ob
ject (let’s not start that again) I
had a look around. I couldn’t see
much. I couldn’t move much. I
was lying on the floor (or deck,
etc.) and three of them were sit
ting on my stomach. They were
Career Chaffer!
Honesty is a desirable trait for
one to have in the business world
today. Everyone is expected to
keep his word. But suppose you
have made an error. Should you
tell the truth and admit your
mistake, or should you let it slip
by and hope that it will go un
noticed? If you don’t admit this
mistake now, difficulties may
arise later from this one error.
Honesty also includes working
the full number of required hours.
If you don’t do this, it will cheat
not only your business, but your-
-self, too. Sooner or later, some
one will find out about you. Re
turning late from your breaks
and lunch hours,take away from
the employer’s valuable time and
may even cost him money.
Arriving late for your job will
cause you to begin the day in a
rushed atmosphere. Arriving early
will help you to begin the day in
a calm and relaxed manner.
By arriving on time, following
the required number of working
hours, and by leaving your job
at the set time, you show that
you value yom: job.
Being honest with the little
things in today’s business world
is a necessary trait for a success
ful job, for if you are honest with
the little things you wUl most
likely be honest with the large
and important things. Remember
honesty starts right now and even
the little people can do the big
things of the business world.
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Employment.
sort of a mauve with chartreuse
polka dots. I asked to be taken to
their leader.
8:47 p.m. They seemed to have
no difficulty in understanding my
Martian, though my command of
the language is sowewhat sketchy.
In a trice (a little shorter than a
‘minnit’) a plump, important-look
ing chap stood before me, who
assured me that he was Oorg,
First Vice-Blugh of Mars; I was
thrilled. He told me that they
weren’t looking for any trouble;
they merely wanted me to give
them the most powerful Earth-
weapon and demonstrate how to
use it. I agreed to their terms.
The Earth-Weapon
9:03 p.m. I went into my house,
climbed up into the attic, groped
around in the dark for a bit, and
fouund an ancient Chubby Check
er record.
9:05 p.m. After I had played
only a few seconds of it, the
Aliens begged me to please turn
it off, and had to admit that they
didn’t have anything in their ar
senal to match it. In exchange
for the record, they gave me a
three-ton block of solid platinium.
I told them that their cheating
me might lead to bad future
Earth-Mars relations, but that I’d
let it go this once. They left.
4:32 a.m. I woke up and I de
cided to swear off drinking pine
apple-cherry-prune juice punch.
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know that his letter is being
printed!
Hello Bill— ’
You never told me that your
old picture wasn’t washable. It
seems that it got mixed in with
the dirty underwear. That’s all
right, you don’t have to send me
another one; I have your new
one. It was your old one that
turned everyone off.
The reasons why I haven’t writ
ten lately are as follows:
*I lost your address.
*I forgot your name.
’^I was kidnapped for three
weeks.
’”1 ran out of ink.
*I busted my fingers.
’*1 got a cramp in my ear.
*I got diarrhea.
(Don’t believe a one of them.)
Actually, the real reasons I
haven’t written are as follows:
*I’ve become a hippie.
*I fell in love with the German
exchange student even though I
haven’t met her yet. I make eyes
at her everytime I pass her in the
hall. It wasn’t until today that
I found out that she is a karate
expert.
*I’m nursing a broken back.
I was going to write you last
week to tell you that I didn’t have
time to write you that week but
decided you could wait until next
week which is now this week
which was the week that followed
the week I first decided to write
you and tell you that I didn’t have
time to write that week. I knew
you’d understand.
I’ve applied at Mich. State
Univ., Univ. of Mich., and M.I.T.
I think I’ll end up going to U. of
M. (They have more love-ins),
I was recently elected Kaiser
of the German club at school.
We’re planning a lot of activities
—like a car wash where all Ger
man cars pay 14 price, dinner
at the German restaurant down
town, and a Nazi uprising. (Don’t
tell anyone, but our sponsor has
Nazi ties. She keeps getting mail
from East Germany). At the mo
ment we are fighting the French
club for Alsace-Lorraine. Their
motto is “Kill Krauts.”
Today I was using a ouija (wee-
gee) board at a girl’s house down
the street. It said that I was go
ing to be married in 1969, but
then I asked it if I was going to
be a bachelor and it said “yes.”
I guess I’ll have to settle with
being a married bachelor, what
ever that is.
Enclosed are some Mad stick
ers. Paste them to your school
books, your locker, your desks,
your teachers, and your hymnals
at church'. I knew you would.
Our church group is having a
masquerade party next week.
Barb and I were going as Adam
and Eve before the fall, but no
body would take note of such a
cheap and unoriginal costume as
that. Therefore, I am going as a
hippie. I’m going, to wear a fur
belt, beads, and a flower instead
of a figleaf. Barb is going to
paint flowers on my legs and give
me some sandals. I am also grow
ing a beard.
Well, that is just about all the
news for now. Here’s a “pome” I
wrote:
‘Westerday I slipped a cog;
I dropped my sucker in the dirt.
Today it lies there, oh so pert.
Surrounded with ants agog!”
So long. Sincerely,
(Don’t you believe it)
S.W.
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