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Graduation
Date “
June 53
^ence teacher, Mr. Mauney, lectures to what is left of his
third peri^ physics class after the institution of the new
attendance policy. [Photo by Garnett].
Fall Fatal To Forty-Five
by Joe Morris that their amusement dis
rupted classes, were given
full blame for. the tragic
deaths of their fellow-^u-
dentS; A Grimsley principal
whisted the students down
town in the trunk of his car.
They are to be tried on
fourteenth-offense charges
of intuitional disruption.
Thelteacher of nine of the
deceased students rehashed
the acpident for reporters.
“The ^r kids,” she said,
‘as scbn as they saw the
Frisbe4 they were drawn
right tlrough the windows
like magnets!”
The Prisbee freaks pro
tested feat they were simply
indulgii^ in some innocent
fun.
by Martin MiUer
A more reasonable and
responsible Attendance Poli
cy was suggested by Dr. Ken
Newbold and adopted by the
School Board April 1 after
constant harassment of high
ranking school administra
tors.
Dr. Newbold commented,
‘‘I guess it was time for a
change. The old policy had
been in effect at least six
weeks. ’ The ring-leader in
charge of changing the At
tendance Policy declared, ‘‘I
think it should be made easy
for students to cut class. It is
good training for the real
world!”
Among the most promi
nent changes in the Policy
were 100 imexcused absen
ces allowed in each class per
semester and a stiff 50
imexcused tardies, per se
mester. Newbold warned
students that absences will
be accurately monitored. He
added, ‘‘Letters will be sent
home to the parents on the
fifty-first, seventy-third, and
ninety-eighth absences. Stu
dents must realize the im
portance of attending class. ’ ’
Newbold also said all unex-
One hundred ninety one
and a half Grimsley students
fell, forty-five to their
- deaths, from the heights of
the third floor of the main
building on March 30. The
tragedy occurred when the
students became overly en
grossed in a fix)nt-lawn game
of Frisbee.
The fatalities were the
first deaths to occur on the
Grimsley campus in more
than two weeks. The tragedy
took place during fifth period
lunch and claimed more lives
than any single incident this
semester.
The Frisbee throwers, five
chronic incorrigibles who
had been told repeatedly
-News Brieft
by Martin Miller
by Martin Miller
At a recent PTSA meeting,
parents and teachers alike
demanded immediate action
from Dr. Kenneth Newbold
to modify current rules and
regulations governing stu
dent life. One parent de
scribed this last effort as,
‘‘the best way to curb our
outrageous inflation rate!”
Posthumously, Vince Lom
bardi pointed out the posi
tive results of discipline
With that in mind, parents
and teachers reasoned that
since in the early 1950s at
the heart of the Teeny-
Bopper Era the United
States’ economy was at a
peak, ‘‘Why not bring back
Dress Code Approved
liirm **
cused absentees must m'ake
up their work by the end of
the semester or ‘‘suffer the
consequences.”
Other areas where New-
bold intends to ‘‘toughen
up” are the grading scale,
class conduct, and require-
, ments for honor roll. New-
bold said, ‘‘Requirements
are tough to meet for stu
dents. Lessening pressure
for academic recognition will
aid student life.”
New requirements for ho
nor roll will be a maximum of
three U’s in conduct and
absolutely no lower than a(
1.9 grade point average.
Along with all the new
courses being offered next
year, one in particular is
designed for public speak
ing. The course, a first at
Grimsley, will be taught by
the Incredible Hulk.
In a brief interview with
the Hulk, he compassiona
tely said as he threw chairs
and broke glass,
‘Unnnggghhh!” The Hulk
will train the students to
perfection in vowel sounds
the first nine weeks, the
consonant sounds the second
nine weeks. For those stu
dents who do well first
semester, the Hulk will teach
a second semester course
aimed towards helping these
students put the vowel and
consonai sounds together.
the good ole days.” As one
faculty member, in agree
ment with the parents, put
it, and what better way to
start than with thie student
dress!”
The current restrictions on
dress wiU be for males: all
boys must attain a height of
5 feet, 10 inches by the
sophomore year and must
reach not more than 450
pounds; all boys’ hair must
be no longer than one inch
on all areas of the head; all
male students are required
to wear wool sweaters, wool
psnts, and wool socks year-
round; and finally, male
students will wear snow-
shoes to school to keep the
floors clean.
The code changes for the
female student were not as
lenient as those for the male.
They are as follows: all girls
must wear wool dresses that
drag four inches on the
ground (to keep floors
'dean); all female students
must be no taller than 5 feet,
8 inches, lest they be depor
ted as Chinese basketball
players; and finally, all girls
must wear bathing caps du
ring the school day.
Dr. Newbold believes that
these strict disciplinary mea
sures cannot help but curb
inflation in our country to
day!
Beginrng with the class
of 1980, a spokesman for
Grimsley principal, Mr.
Glenn, sid today students
will neec 66 credits to gra
duate. R isons cited for the
ch^ge V *re lack of school
spirit, di y floors, student
coimcil, cafeteria food,
clocks, ad the color red.
The spo esman for Mr.
Glenn coi inued to degrade
the whol« Grimsley system,
but coulc not complete his
report, to his intoxi
cated conption.
■ • ■ ■ m a «.« .
‘I"®®* for
^e State fcampionship, the
Wforhes fell short and
placed a bere second on
March 9, by a score of 72-54
— or had they?
It was later discoverec
that both officiids were
bribed with considerable
amounts of food by the Page
Student Body. It was also
learned that the scorekeeper
and -the floor custodians
were Page High School gra
duates.
If these scandals were not
enough, it was learned from
one Page basketball player
that Coach Morris had dis
tributed one piece of Wrig-
ley’s gum to each Page
player, thereby supplying
that energy which each play
er needs desperately, while
the Whirlies were not al
lowed to chew gum for
dental health hazards.
i
“Mfo were just tired of gettin* nabbed In sUpplag in the
P^g lot, so vre bought it,” explained one of the 153
habitual truants who chipped in for a total of $15,000 last
week and purchased Grimsley’s student parking area. The
new owners, who called themselves SWAPS [Students With
^ Flaw to Skip] be selling perking permits for $35 a
,semester. [Photo by Garnett].