Volume 74 No. 6
801 Westover
Grp.p.nshnrn, NC 27408
April 1,1998
ZXie to technical problems at the Greensboro
Coliseum, this year's graduation date has been
changed. The ceremony is rescheduled for
Monday, July 6, at 6:00 a.m. at The Palamino
on High Point Road. All seniors will be re
quired to ride the mechanical bull before re
ceiving their diploma. Good luck class of'98!
TV funny man Dave Coulier, better known as
Uncle Joey from "Full House," will be replac
ing Richard Zaruba as Grimsley's drama
teacher. Zaruba will be the new host for
Nickelodeon's "Family Double Dare." When
asked about his new position, Coulier said "Cut.
It. Out!"
Mr. Cahall, a former football star at the Uni
versity of Virginia, announced his intention to
enter the NFL draft. Although many teams
have expressed interest in Mr. Cahall, he re
ally wants to be the host for the hit TV show
"Soul Train."
Starting tomorrow, each freshman will be as
signed a senior to whom he/she/it will be a
slave for the rest of the school year. Seniors
may see their counselor to request a particular
slave, otherwise it's pot-luck. Psychological
abuse is preferred over physical. Thanks.
School officials will repave the student park
ing lot beginning May 1. The process is ex
pected to take two weeks. There will be lim
ited parking available for $10 at Kiser Middle
School. Any student complaining of headache
or nausea should shut up and leave.
The World Wrestling Federation recently an
nounced that its April 20 pay-per-view event
WWF: In Your House from the Greensboro
Coliseum, will be moved to Grimsley's grove,
providing that students clean up all cans, wrap
pers, and championship belts after lunch. Tick
ets for the new WWF: In Your Grove will be
sold today.
Bathrooms receive much needed facelift
By Sausage Link
Staff Wiper
I -
It is a well known fact that the
Grimsley bathrooms have become dis
gustingly repulsive
over the past seventy
years. Since they were
originally designed and
built in 1929, unidenti
fied strains of bacteria
have continued to grow
and multiply. Admin
istrators at Grimsley, in
coordination with the
Guilford County Health
Department, have
agreed to a $ 1.4 million
project to renovate the
bathrooms and restore
humane conditions.
The Guilford
County Health Depart
ment committed $1 mil
lion toward the renova
tion after its last inspec
tion. At that time, the
bathrooms received a
sanitation grade of Q,
fourteen points below
that of NcDonalds.
Grimsley will fund the
additional $400,000.
The P.T.S.A. is con
sidering several options
for raising the money.
One option is to sell the
marching band’s new
uniforms. If the band
was able to survive
bathroom life at
Grimsley over the past
years, they certainly
will find the mold on
the old uniforms to be a refreshing
change.
is another option under consideration.
Grimsley has been threatened with
several law suits during the past year
from parents of students who have con
tracted skin disorders from bathroom
!. .'U*!
The new restrooms on eampus will feature
fragrances along with other amenities.
A second possibility is to sell the
bacteria to the United States Depart
ment of Defense for use as an antidote
in the event of germ warfare. Allow
ing M.G.M. to purchase the bacteria for
the making of their new low-budget
movie, “The Mold that Ate Miami,”
experiences. Who could forget the
tragic story of John Williams, a sopho
more that never returned from the bath
room during second period in late Au
gust. Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, al
legedly from the Center for Disease
Control in Atlanta, are in the process of
trying to identify the cause of these dis
orders. Mulder expects to solve the
case, saying, “The truth is out there.”
Earlier this week a prototype for
the new bathrooms was unveiled. The
floors will be tiled with blue and white
Venetian marble in a checkerboard pat
tern, and the sinks
will be made from
ivory from the pet
rified tusks of Ma
laysian war mam
moths. Above each
sink will be mirrors
hand crafted in an
Elizabethan design and
bordered with gold
leaf. The spacious
rooms will even have
enough capacity for
mud-wrestling pits and
showers. Porters will
be stationed in the lava
tories to give students
warm hand towels and
other amenities.
Each bathroom will
have designer stalls
equipped with personal
telephones and indi
vidual televisions and
VCRs. Other entertain
ments in the bathrooms
will include Nintendo
64, Sony Play Station,
Sega Saturn, and
Atari. Bathroom at
tendants will be pro
vided for the
laveratories in the
Main Building. The
attendant’s skills will
range from shining
shoes to tutoring for
the S.A.T.
Grimsley stu
dents were pleased with the new bath
room concept, as were parents and teach
ers. The only negative comments that
have been reported relate to limitations
on available cologne selections. Foreign
exchange student, Toi Lett, was ecstatic
when learning about the new lavatory.
Lett said, “Finally this administration has
realized the right way to go.”
Prelly Boy photo
ni