Volume 78 No. 7 Grimsley High School 801 Westover Terrace Greensboro, NC 27408 Monday, April 1, 2002 TTiis year’s Junior/Senior Prom theme is prison. Photo pack ages will be specially designed mug shots with Sheriff Hege’s picture in the background. Chaperones will be equipped with cattle prods. There will also be a small recess yard for those wishing to take a break from the dance floor by bench pressing. Attire will be prison stripes and buzz cuts. Attention: Would the eight girls involved in last week’s cat fight please stop by the atten dance office to retrieve two items of clothing and twenty- seven acrylic nails found in the aftermath. Color verification is required for proof of owner ship. Ms. Green would like to remind all Main building lunch stu dents that there is a reason you didn’t make the basketball team. Walk to the trash can to dispose of leftovers. 1 repeat; walk to the trashcans to dis pose of leftovers. Owner’s apologies: The rust- orange ’71 Pinto with chrome 52” rims, viper alarm system, and multi-shaded tinted win dows was not stolen. It was located at the city dump where it was dropped off after being mistaken for construction scraps. Mr. Worster is sponsoring an essay contest, the topic being Mr. Worster Does Not Know Everything.” Final copies are to be turned into the guidance office by the end of this week, typed, and double-spaced. No prizes will be awarded, as Mr. Worster doubts that any sub mission could prove that P. Diddy could do the “Harlem Shake” better than he could. From your friendly SRO: Cut your hair and get a job, you dirty hippie. Failing student consoled by stickers Local student receives low grade on her math test, despite her claim that she studied for “like a gazillion hours.” By Anita Qeverbyline Desperate Editor At 9:47 on Thursday, March 14, Kelh-Tiffani Sueman sat down on her bed and opened her note book. It was a Lisa Franx Trap per Keeper, the kind with fluo rescent yellow panda bears frollicking amidst a sea of hot pink and baby blue bubbles. “I like pandas. They’re, like, way cute,” Kelli-Tiffani said. She opened her notebook, turned seven pages, and read her notes. Then she did it again. All for a big, fat “F.” Kelli-Tiffani got a 67 on her math test last week. “I studied for like a gazillion hours,” she said, and then proceeded to make odd whimpering noises for the rest of the interview, resembling the sounds an overheated ferret might make when preening itself for a hot date. “I mean, I studied like, way more than usual. Like, totally a whole lot,” she said. But despite her studying, she missed questions 1-3, 8, 14, 19, 20, and 22. Also, she forgot to put her name on the test, which she took using a pen with lime green gel ink. “Gel ink is nice. Only it like washes totally off when you use it to give yourself temporary tat toos,” said Kelli-Tiffani. Then she whimpered some more. “1 even put like my very last Lisa Franx ballerina sticker beside my name because I thought it would help. Her beauty and grace just like totally inspired me. And now I just can’t help thinking that maybe the baby unicorn scratch-and- sniff sticker would have helped like way more. It like totally haunts me.” Since receiving her grade, Kelli-Tiffani has spent her time in a desperate search for an swers. Why did she get such a bad grade on her test? “I think that maybe the teacher hates me because I’m so like different from everyone else. “I mean I totally de served like a way higher grade. I even studied this girl’s paper who sits in front of me, and she like totally usually passes.” -Kelli-Tiffani Sueman, grade 10 I feel like the dash thingy in my name and the ‘i’s at the end re ally make me stand out. I swear that lady like totally hates me just because I have such an original name. I mean, I totally deserved like a way higher grade. I even studied this girl’s paper who sits in front of me, and she like to tally usually passes. That girl’s really weird. She always dresses in like black, and while that’s to tally slimming, it does like noth ing for her complexion. She al ways gives me mean looks. I think maybe she doesn’t like me because I’m so gorgeous.” Kelli-Tiffani’s disastrous ge ometry test has also wrecked her personal life. “Making out with my boy friend Chuck is like way less fun than usual,” Kelli-Tiffani said. “Dude, she... uh... she... uh... she’s all... no good. Why you not write more articles with football?” Chuck commented. “I like football. And steak.” Kelli-Tiffani has recently en tered a program to help her re cover from her academic shock. “They’re like totally way sup portive,” she said. “I am so on the road to recovery.” But until then, Kelli-Tiffani will just have to take comfort in the one person who has never let her down or given her a bad grade; Lisa Franx. “I’m going to start the Grimsley branch of the Lisa Franx fan club,” Kelli-Tiffani said. “My mom says that starting this club will totally give me direction. And Lisa Franx has done like so much for like breaking stereo types about chicks and stuff. She deserves way more credit than she gets and she totally did not hook up with that guy at her neighbor’s cousin’s party like Beth did last Friday and Satur day and Sunday morning before church. Lisa Franx is like way progressive.” Buried Treasure Thought all that construc tion was going to beautify the school? Not accord ing to this construction worker. It seems all that digging is actually part of Mrs. Teague’s plan, sup ported by archivist Harry Bradley, to unearth legend ary treasure beneath the school grounds. Legend has it that a South African diamond miner with a monacle buried the treasure while trying to escape from a pack of rabid weasles who thought the diamonds were food. He planned to come back and get it later but sadly, he did not get out alive. “She just told us to dig until we found it,” said the worker, who wishes to remain anonymous. “I’ve been in this same hole for two weeks—nothing! Stu pid buried treasure.” ■A ^ HI ■■ m Weeks photo Where’s Nicole? We don’t know. Really, we don’t. We were won dering if you could help. We’ll give you money! page 3 Internet Talk Sweeps Grimsley Excessive internet lan guage has student body ROTFL. J/K! TTFN. pages Boy Gets Hit By Small Stick After a night in the ER, he was released with only a Transformers Band-Aid. page? You know you want to....l Bat-boy expose 2 You ’re almost there 3 It's finally over. 4

Page Text

This is the computer-generated OCR text representation of this newspaper page. It may be empty, if no text could be automatically recognized. This data is also available in Plain Text and XML formats.

Return to page view