Newspapers / Grimsley High School Student … / March 24, 2005, edition 1 / Page 4
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342 Low Life Journalism is Dead Oops! Up close with Grimsiey senior athletes Internet graphic Ayatollah Ruhollah Musavi Khomeini Position: Ayatollah! Sport played: ...Ayatollah? Length of time playing sport: Long enough to kill the infidels Mello Yello or Mountain Dew: "Soft drinks are the Great Satan." Peter Pan or Jiff peanut butter: "Peanut butter is the Great Satan." College or wide ruled notebook paper: "Notebook paper is the Great Satan." Emeril Lagasse or Wolfgang Puck: "Great Satan. Both of them." MTV or Fuse: "G.S." GS? "Great Satan." "Babysitters' Club" or "Sweet Valley High": "Oh, 'Sweet Valley High,' totally. All of those books are brilliant. 'The Pom-Pom Wars' and 'Jessica's Older Guy' especially, have gotten me through hard times." Personal team rivalry: "Salman Rushdie. That's right. You hear me. Rushy? Huh? This ain't over yet. Just because I've been dead for 16 years doesn't mean you've won!" Longest, worst movie: "I don't watch movies. But I've got another 'rivalry' for you. Reagan! Yeah, buddy you may have outlived me, but at least 1 never co-starred opposite a monkey! HA!" Favorite teacher: "And while I'm at it, just all Americans in general! Forget you, America! And you, Iran! And, uh, pretty much, uh, everyone. Everywhere. In the entire world. I hate you all." Role model: "You know. I've always been a big fan of Bob Vila. He's quite crafty. For a minion of the Great Satan and whatnot." Last song you heard on the radio: "I don't really have a radio right now, being dead and all that, but if I did, you can bet your buttons I'd be listening to 102 nonstop until I heard me some 'Candy Shop.'" Describe yourself in one word: "In one word? Awesome. In two words? Totally awesome." Favorite movie: "That'd have to be 'New York Minute.' Nothing but comedy gold right there." Internet graphic Count Von Count Position: Count Sport played: Um...counting Length of time playing sport: "Since the 1960s! That's a lot of years. Shall ve count them? No? Your loss." Mello Yello or Mountain Dew: "Blood —I am vampire, you know. Just because I'm on a children's show doesn't mean I don't have needs." Peter Pan or Jiff peanut butter: See above College or wide ruled notebook paper: "Vhat vould I need paper for? I do all my counting in my head! Or, out loud, really, by singing. Let's count right now! No? Ok." Emeril Lagasse or Wolfgang Puck: "Volfgang—Emeril eats a lot of spicy foods, and I have a delicate system." MTV or Fuse: PBS "Babysitters' Club" or "Sweet Valley High": "'Sveet Valley High' showed some promise vonce upon a time. I really thought they had something vith the 'Bevare the Volfman' and 'A Date vith a Verevolf' books, but they quit before they got to the interesting supernatural creatures." Personal team rivalry: "Big Bird, that overgrown chickenhavk. He molts all over my den and then tells me it vasn't him. Hov many other obnoxiously yellov birds are there vith foot-long feathers running around? I'll count them for you: zero." Longest, worst movie: "Oh! I thought of another rivalry! I mean, if the Ayatollah gets five (vun, tvo, three, four, five!), I should get tvo (vun, tvo). 'Eureka's Castle.' That vas such a ripoff, and it vas just plain stupid. Vith that stupid dragon and that vizard unicorn...thing. They expected kids to buy that? Ridiculous. Completely unrealistic." Favorite teacher: "No. I vill tell you my favorite joke. Did you hear about the account vho quit his job and joined a commune? He vas a member of the counter-culture! Get it? COUNTER-culture?" Role model: "Vhoever figured out pi to the millionth place. Vhat a guy." Describe yourself in one word: "Only vun? Vhy not tvo, or three, or four...." Crossword: Don’t do it. Seriously. It’s fake. By Moose and Squirrel Subversives Across: a. A spectre is haunting Europe — 2. the spectre of Communism. All .3. the Powers of old Europe have fore! entered into a holy alliance to 5. exorcise this spectre: Pope and Czar, 666. Metternich and Guizot, French 7) Radicals and German police-spies. 7.5. Forgay photo Ate: Where is the party in opposition No. 9. that has not been decried as X. Communistic by its opponents xm XVI XJX in iv xxn xxxm xxm xxrv xxv xlii xliii liii Ivi xHv xlv V vi vii viii xiv xvii XX xxvi xxvii xxviii xxix xxxiv boocvii xl lix 11!! in power? Where the OppositFon 12. that has not hurled back the branding 13...reproach of Communism, against the 4teen. more advanced opposition parties, 15. as well as against its reactionary adversaries? sefenteen: [...] +1: The history of all hitherto existing 1 xlvi xlvii xlviii xBx 1 liv 1 Ivii K xvm XXI XXX XXXV xli XI XXXI xxxn Hi 9stop! society is the history of class struggles. Down: #. Freeman and slave, patrician and different #. plebeian, lord and serf, iii. guild-master and journeyman, in 56. a word, oppressor and oppressed, (expletive deleted). Stood in constant F/ Iviii 6. opposition to one another, carried on an ln2. uninterrupted, now hidden, now open 8. fight, a fight that each time ended, 12. either in a revolutionary re-constitution twinny) of society at large, or in the blackjack! common ruin of the contending classes. 22. {...) 3. The Communists >3. disdain =3. to conceal 24. their views and aims, interlude. Molotov daguerreotype 2/5. They openly declare that their ends can be attained only by 26. the forcible overthrow of all existing 2se7en. social conditions. Let the ruling sinx: classes tremble at a Communistic 29. revolution. The proletarians have 291/2. nothing 30. to lose but their chains. They have a , thirdywon] world to win. 32(flavors). WORKING MEN OF ALL COUNTRIES, UNITE! Stolen 33. [consider yourself propagandized.]
Grimsley High School Student Newspaper
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March 24, 2005, edition 1
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