Volume 82 No. 3
Grimsley High School
801 Westover Terrace
Greensboro, NC 27408
Wednesday, November 32, 2005
License required for
information highway
BY MARIAN UBRARIAN
Library Enthusiast
Public libraries will undergo
extensive reforms in correlation
with the 2001 USA Patriot Act.
The bill will require those seeking
library access to provide
additional religious, familial, and
personal information.
Anyone hoping to obtain a
library card must report to the
facility with up-to-date medical
files in hand. As a means of
preventing terrorism, the adjunct
to the Patriot Act demands
elaborate details of physical and
mental history. Unstable
individuals are prone to book
theft and disruptive shouting.
Any person who presents
unsatisfactory medical
information will be seized by
library security and temporarily
detained in the underground
catalogue rooms.
Reforms focus on a more
distant target, though. United
States officials have conducted
secret studies, which confirm
that limiting library admittance
may curtail terrorist acts and
their planning by as much as
75 percent.
Over 257 accounts of terrorist
utilization of public libraries
have been reported in the past
two years. Public records, files,
and so-called "romance novels"
have unknowingly been at the
disposal of organizations
plotting to annihilate the U.S.
Complex application
How To Waste Your
Sunday
BY FIDEL CASTRO
Dictator-at-Large
1. Watch "Full House" re-runs.
2. Do your homework
3. Play World of Warcraft.
4. Attend a BINGO
....ttournament.
5. Learn to play the recorder.
6. Do yard work with your
....family.
7. Watch VHl's "100 Hottest
...Hotties Countdown Special."
8. Play Dungeons & Dragons.
9. Attend Grimsley's Campus
....Beautification Day.
10. Watch football.
11. Watch other people
exercise on the Fit Channel
while you sit on the couch
eating Doritos.
12. Write newspaper articles
for the "Low Life."
13. Visit celebrity gossip
blogs.
14. Shop at Wal-Mart.
15. Drive to Page High School,
and watch the test scores
drop.
16. Visit the old War Memorial
Stadium to look for a
1 p e_r,____ T hen . mu p g
requirements will make it
virtually impossible for
terrorists to gain access to these
crucial strategy centers.
New amendments will
address the government's access
to records of book check-outs.
Library material with subject
matter pertaining to weaponry,
government functions, nuclear
bombing, and mass transit will
be classified in a "suspicious and
dangerous" category. Any citizen
who partakes in checking out
material classified as hazardous
will have his name printed on
The List.
The List will be a compilation
of the names of potential threats
to the U.S. and will serve as a
reference if the government
suspects a citizen of any illegal
behavior. The government will
also use The List to identify any
developing trends of . regional
revolt.
Metal detectors and X-ray
machines will also be installed at
library entrances. Random pat-
downs and searches of personal
possessions will deter dangerous
tv.
I
■■
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^ ^* s'' ^ - ehcirmony com photo
Sam, the world’s ugliest dog, enjoys a day of sunbathing. Sam was voted World’s Ugliest Dog for three years in a row and
was dearly loved by his owner. He recently passed away at the old age of 14. Very popular with the ladies, Sam has been
mistaken for everything from a burn victim to a space alien. His winning attributes include blackheads and snout moles.
Adventures of Trag-Nod: New game creates
expansion of players’ mind, body, and spirit
a
Not just a game but
religion, Trag-Nod has
enlightened billions of
bored students.
BY BUSTER RAINDROP
Trag-Nodder
Sixth period has arrived on a
standard Monday afternoon. Brad
Stevens becomes bored and decides
to whip out a single sheet of paper
and a Black Warrior Pencil. His
mission: to take off, to reach new
depths of man, and to explore deep
levels of anti-stressing methods.
Students all over the state are
becoming enlightened into the new
hit religion, otherwise known as
Trag-Nod. This clever chastisement
of extraordinary mind power justifies
the difficulty to withhold from
flamboyancy.
It is tmly amazing to find out how
some minds deal with stress. Equally
fascinating is how the
creative
side of the
mind
explodes
when
give n
t h e
chance.
Combination
contemplation.
The B
Brothers discovered this way of
life three years ago. Trag-Nod was
bom. laborious inhabitants from the
il* realm dedicated themselves to
this pastime. Trag-Nod is a game in
which wo players divide themselves
into groups of fifty. A piece of paper
(0
is divided into halves with no line,
and each side is initialed with the first
letter of each player’s first name.
Secondly, the designated player,
the chosen, will reach deep into the
dark vessels of his or her mind and
search through love, suffering, and
memories to create a unique and witty
title that must first begin with Trag-
Nod- Part X (X being whatever
number Trag-Nod is on).
Next, the chosen will use his
or hers first series of letters
to title under Trag-Nod, the
main title. For example:
Trag-Nod
“A night of Candy Raindrops and the
Beginning of Time”
Following the main title, the other
player, not the chosen, will pull out
from his or her distinct soul, the
infamous subtitle, thus appearing
as such:
Trag-Nod
“A night of Candy Raindrops and the
Beginning of Time”
The Sun did Melt and the Angels
d i d Sing>
Competition
begins
here, as
does tmth,
enli^lEnmal,
and the
lands of
middle time.
Each player now must
agree upon that which they
are about to embark.
"Do you agree upon that which
we here in this great abyss of joy and
blunder are about to embark?” asked
Ben Egg.
“Agreed, dear friend and brethren
of thy own word,” said
Sally Mamples.
Next, players take turns drawing
creatures that derived from their own
minds. After each creature has
materialized they then must be
assigned a first and last name but they
however, cannot begin with the same
letters.
NEMR
e
something like
Fred Folders-that
just is not heard of
in the Trag-Nod world. It would be
similar to smuggling 649 pounds of
cocaine across the border. Some can
get away- but consequences are
dire,” said drug lord and Minister
Gobert R’obarello.
In simple terms, Trag-Nod is
merely a release of beta endorphins
from the mind. It is a systematically
complex game that allows one to relax
during times of stress.
“It’s the greatest game since
Nicotine. Not the cigarette,” said
senior Anthony Harrison.
Trag-Nod was developed as a way
to divert from the normality of'
everyday life. It is a philosophical and
yet simple game that requires only the
imagination of those who choose to
engulf in its many wonders. The
resulting creatures that are the
“negative,” so to speak, of the
player’s imaginations allow for
laughter and smiles that will bring
brightness and joy to any room.
Over the past two years, Trag-Nod
has not undergone any changes, for
there is no way for a game to change
itself. Only a fool would hold such a
belief. However, the imaginations of
the B Brothers have experienced vast
expansion as a result of this glorious
game. All that is required of the
human is the imagnation and a will to
leave the average world behind.
Compared to the artwork and
philosophies of artists M.C. Escher,
absurdist playwright, Fernando
Arrabal, and author Steven King,
Trag-Nod to the normal eye can be
seen as weird and incomprehensible.
It takes deep theoretical knowledge'
and passion for the strange to grasp
these creatures from the beyond and
embrace them as a part of their
everyday lives. Trag-nod is illustrated
poetry of the mind.
“I stepped into the light when !
found Trag-Nod,” said senior
Ronnie Benson.
C.S. Lewis, Dr. Seuss, Roald Dahl,
Leslie Neilson, Jimmy Stewart, Jesus,
Walt Disney, Will Ferrel, Mozart,
Rabbi Roz, and Trag-Nod all have one
trait in common: freedom
through imagination.
Like the creator of a style of music
that changed the world, the
creators
of Trag-
Nod are
equally insane.
labeled G
The Mozart Complex, as it is called,
explains the phenomenal music
produced by Mozart at such a young
age. By age five, he wrote his first
opera and, starting at that point, was
pushed by his father so hard that soft
jelly popped out. By the time of his
father’s death, he was literally insane.
This insane mind is seen bright and
clear through the unconventional
compositions he wrote that are now
considered classics.
Trag-Nod is just as likely to be as
strangely humorous as Monty
Python. Five British men who let their
own personalities soar and thus
changed the world of comedy, as we
know it, earned their fame through
their own weirdness.
Like Pokemon, Trag-Nod will
someday be.accepted into society as
normalized beings of the ground.
Candy com will once again fly freely
in the clouds. In a society that sent
men to the moon, glorified a mouse
named Mickey and watched it dance,
was inspired by a factory that made
chocolate, and allowed for “The Lord
Of the Rings” and a free land of
Middle Earth to thrive, is it so difficult
to believe that such a game as Trag-
Nod could not one day rise above
with the stars?
Even famous authors like Fyodor
Dostoevsky craved off
of the insane, as
does
everything
else in the
U ^ ^ . .'^orld. Plays,
poetry, movies,
books, politics,
saucy boxes; Life is a game of Trag-
Nod, where the only normal
occurrence is the excrement of the
player’s mind.
Life is Trag-Nod. Trag-Nod is life.
This is merely the beginning.
Fabio Indicted
What wouldn’t the deranged lunatic do
for a Klondike bar? That poor bear
» Harris Teeter: Page U
War on Terrorism
Bush calls for preemptive strike on Mars
after discovering intelligent life and
possible weapons of mass destruction.
» Baghdad: Page 4.12
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