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Condoleezza Rice chokes to death on chicken
sandwich. Authorities suspect fowl play.
Cyracliiatioiij l"a.g€ •»
Barney the purple dinosaur/gecko
loses tail in tragic traffic accident.
'WMlft i?r _ r1
Andy Rooney plans
a massive throw-
down to celebrate
his 105 th birthday.
Volume Up No. 3.5
Grimsley High School
801 Westover Terrace
Greensboro, NC 27408
Funday, Mark 2007,29
wMi
r Kodak Bear photo
Principal Michael A. Betts II leisurely checks his email before
patrolling campus and gathering delinquents to beautify the lawn.
Super Special Skate Party
Replaces Traditional Senior Tea
Board Bestows Title
to Sir Michael Betts
BYTliEMAD HATTER
Staff Infection
Times change, kids grow
up, and traditions fade
away. Several students have
complained that the Senior
Tea is outdated, so they have
convinced the faculty to
celebrate with the class of
2007 by sponsoring a glam
orous skafe nighf.
"Studenfs jusf do not
appreciate the formal
setting. This is the 21st
century. We do not live in
England and there just sim
ply is not a need for after
noon tea anymore," said
teacher George Feeny.
Administration expects
attendance to increase now
that the festivities reflect
modern entert ainment.
Aaron Carter is scheduled
to perform at the event.
"I'm a gonna shake the
foundation, rock the whole
nation, watch the gradua
tion, photos flying off the
walls. It's amazing! Oh no,
trouble with the bass vibra
tion!" said Carter.
May 18 is the date for fhe
roller derby-ific even!
af Skateland USA from
7:00 pm fo midnight. Use of
drugs, tobacco and alcohol is
not permitted, but stu
dents are encouraged to
bring a good attitude and
lots of money for corn dogs,
cotton candy, and slushies.
Admission is free but
limited to Grimsley seniors.
BY NEl-iADAMUS JEFFERSON
Staff Wielder
Since principal Rob
Gasparello's departure from
Grimsley, the school has
been in utter chaos. Despite
his valiant efforts, the school
board has decided to return
Interim Principal John
Eldridge to District Office
and to find a replacemenf.
School board members
did not have to look far fo
find the perfect candidate
for the job.
As of March 29, 2007,
soon-to-graduafe Michael A
Betts II will assume respon
sibilities as principal of
Greensboro Grimsley
High School. The School
Board unanimously believes
fhis decision is best as
Betts runs the school
already, so the transition
from studenf body presi-
denf fo principal should be
relatively smooth.
Betts's jump from out-of
district student to executive
school administrator is
truly an incredible feat.
Therefore, fhe enfire "Low
Life" sfaff would like to be
first in extending congratu
lations to him. Way to go,
Mr. Principal!
; ■
%
Drake the dinosaur and Fanny the frog, shown above, are lovable mascots that get the party
and skating started. The pair will perform a skate routine at this year’s “Senior Skatenight.”
Candy Man Jack Leotard Ain’t Just Selling M&M’s
BYMOEMONEY
Staff of Moses
Every student
knows and loves senior
Jack Leotard, the es
teemed "Gandy Man."
For years. Leotard has
distributed sugary
treats among the
student populace, rais
ing money for the band.
Unfortunately, a ran
dom drug dog search
is changing his plans,
placing Leotard and his
sweets in jeopardy
after hidden packets of
marijuana were discov
ered inside his aged
candy box.
"I was giving a les
son in AB Galculus on
the Fundamental Theo
rem," said mathematics
professor Dr. Roberta
Rowyourboatashore,
"when Principal
Waltridge came in and
told everyone to exit
the classroom and leave
their belongings."
After the students
evacuated the room,
drug-sniffing dog
Olfacfory Yeller en-
fered the classroom
in search of illegal
substances. Bookbags,
jackets, purses, text
books, calculators,
protractors, and com
passes were subject to
nasal inspection, as
; H:
Jack Leotard dealt drugs through his candy selling
business. He donates half of his profits to the school.
were Leotard's boxes
of chocolafe-covered
morsels and so, so, so
sour sweefs.
"I was impressed
fhat fhe dog was able
fo detecf a controlled
substance among all the
smells in that old, ratty
box, but it is a testa
ment to the rigorous
training of our canine
officers," said School
Resourceful Officer
Marcus Aurelius
Ridgemont.
According fo the
school administration,
Ridgemont immediatel
handcuffed Leofard
while Olfactory Yeller
was having a field day.
The canine's search
yielded ten nickel-bags
and four dime-bags, a
quantity enough to
charge the Gandy Man
with intent to distrib
ute, a more weighty
crime than mere pos
session of illegal
subsfances.
"I was charged by
fhe police and
suspended for ten
days," Leotard com
mented, "for being sus
pected of being a drug-
trafficker."
While he maintains
the charges are false,
fhe only explanafion
the Gandy Man pro
vided was that the
drugs were planted
by customers while he
was not looking,
or perhaps by a
conniving competitor.
"It was clear what
the young man
intended, and it cer
tainly did not coincide
with the normal sale
of candy for the band.
Whether he intended
to donate profits from
the marijuana sale to
the band or not. Leo
tard is still guilty of a
criminal offense and
will be dealt with
administratively as
well," said Waltridge,