Newspapers / Eastern Carolina News (Trenton, … / Feb. 24, 1897, edition 1 / Page 7
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BUDGET OF FUN. * • . HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM . VARIOUS SOURCES. A DUwmm-Toned Oow*—Practi cal Charity Vociteroua- Ttonk Him at Hl* Word, Etc. They wit in tier*, there funny Wd, And laughed nhH* Hsrleqnla masked a H*°mu In tear* *nd did act tengh Whan ho cracked nu funny bone quite Is Tattkey split their aid**, which ay must teworee than. * fractured fnnny bene. —Judge. m STEAL CUTJXR. Jasper—" The ten sometimes get* ▼ery boisterous." Jnmpnppe —"It is no wonder, roc it always appears to bo iaU,'*— I XroHu took mix at mff won*. Hobby—" Yon nee worth n million to me.” Wifey—"Can I get *» adranoe of 830 on that million for • now bats Judge. WID DOWJT. mfa Thatoboc baa red bair, hadn’t abet” die would bare, but yon see, ber father is a banker, and that makes it auburn. ” —Chicago Record. nucTiCAi, CHimn. Professor—"l oallod, madam, to give your daughter lessons on voenl oultara.” Madam—" Ball didn't engage yon.” Professor—"l know; bat the neigh* bore did.”—Norristown Herald. no neojupn. Tnttle—"The Professor finds it im possible to get away from his work. ’ Newton—"is that sot" Tattle—" Tee; he went to the sea shore. and the first thing be strnok Wn school of fish.’’-Texas Sifter. iAgora our job bhsdlto. '7o» Miss Yankee, no—the sun Hers* eets on the British Empire,” cried Lord Noodloby. "Don’t wonder,” replied Mias Yankee. “It’e probably afraid of what it might b«teh. n Hhrper’e Banar. yoamnoos. "My dear," said Mr. Hioks to his "don't wear that bat to the opera.” ‘‘Why not? It won't obstruct any body’s vision.” "No, my dear; but it may spoil tba music, it’s so my loud.”—Harper’s Baser. suoaxnr Axsmoooa. "What I want,” mid the lawyer, 'ls to prove that my client is mental ly deficient.” •‘Certainly,” replied the expert. ‘There wont be the least trouble in showing that, so long as he has em ployed you as hi* lawyer.”—Washing ton Star. _____ rinse tk> fax* or fsacs. "Oh, would you mind doing me a favort” "With pleasure. Whatieitf” "KlndlJ remove that costly mantle out of year window.” "Why, pruyf* "1 shall ba passing your shop with my wiM in half an hour.”—New York Tribune, stood Basso*. ' Editor—"lt seems to me that Miss Howler, the elocutionist, made a sue- Mwof b« entertainment last night, fiha droned in just now and stated hotuo wouldn't hold the an- (who attended the enter tatoment)—"That’s so; she didn’t hays the doors looked.” —Puck. m TOtmnrrfo etraosenoK. ’ great many people deep between these walls,” said the guide, showing the visitor through the ancient Eng lieh ohuroh where the noble families were interred. ' "Bute way over in our oountry,” replied the visitor; "why don’t.they get e better preacher f”—Yonkers Statesman. *- ewxme ssnrae too us. • Mrs. Manhattan (poking her hus band in the nbe at 1.80 a. in.)—"Get up quiek* John Henry t I hear hug. hue in the dining-room rattling the (deepily)— 1 ‘Ahrite, JSL,. are only plated, the meet of 'em, so W ' om don’t hdieve there are any buglers get the gae toned up to the toll SoWif the gas bill* ain’t big spoegh . ebeody without having a gang of bwf* lart breaking in and running ’em up any higher. 111 tee about tUs in s Hen of the dmin*-toom).-Twinhlen * • t « Oooae Bwreaolew / One of the oddest things they have si the marine aquarium la a goose war uncle. This particular specimen la very email, very much alive, and baa beau living In the aquarium for mouths In spite of the fact that come of We normal barnacle necessities are sup plied by most peculiar artificial mean* The goose barnacle dllem from other varieties in that it hangs from ships, floating timber, or other substances near the eurfaro of the water, aqd bee only the power to attach once to any object. This barnacle being taken from Its "»>""« of support, an artificial one hod to be supplied. This was done by means of a piece of common cotton ■trlng. This is tied around the barnacle nnd to a cork from which the barnacle bangs near the surface of the water In a glam In the aquarium. The bar nacle la so small that the string ie os large as a rope in comparison, and It looks very comical banging, the feath ery locking cirrus down and grasping out into the water for food.—New York Times. Only JLovesiok. It la not long Hluee the emperor a Austria definitely settled the succce sion to the throne on his nephew, Arch duke Otto, passing over the latter*: elder brother. Francis Ferdinand, be cause he woe on the point of dcatl from consumption. Francis la app&r ently recovering his health, however and it Is hinted that he was not suffer tog «> much from consumption an from blighted affection. He has long wished to marry the Archduchess Stephanie, the widow of Crown Prince Rudolph, whose tragic death at Mey erltng a few years ago will be re called, and be woe constitutionally de barred from doing so while he re mained in the direct Hue of succession to the throne. Castor Oil • Hair Tonic. The sash i nimbi n coiffure for young women and girls is waved at the rides, where It droops a little. Small combs hold these waves in place. The coll at the bock la placed rather high. Castor oil, pure and simple, is said to be an excellent tonic for the hair, used once a month. It is applied with a small, fine sponge, which ie dipped la the oil and rubbed on the scalp, the hair being parted with tbo Angora. A DECADE OF AGONY, I T*»| L«d} of ®"*» 4 tmmm Toll* Ha, Starr. Front tf.s Standard, Syrociim, If. T. Mis* BosHDOnrl Ash, who resides with W lather, llr. O. H. Ash, on Hnoltus Street Hymen**, forwards the following testimonial lo the virtues of Dr. Williams’ Plait Pills and aocoeot of hor suffertojp, which is .t.irt'.iaifly interwtlng: Mixture Stbbst, Symouhs. N T„ Auxuri 16. IMA ‘ For lbs part ten year* I have been a fr*iir nl sufferer from the most painful typ*> of inflitmmelory rheumatism, which won) make Us »pp umaoe on the tenet possible r,rev oration. Winter was when 1 Buffered the won*, and it generally attacked me from oty rip* .town, and I ha>l to so lo bed. White i hose attacks lasted, if anyone touched urn b«d rren, ( would eaream with pain, nr iho l-.-w* contact woe unbanrable, for every toint aud every muscle garo uMuxarnciatliig a^oiv. "While! was In the terrible condition, my pastor, Bov. Hr. Campbell, came to v.rtt me. and told me ho knew of a ease very similar to mine that had been entirely eared Ov the use of Dr. Williams’ Pink PMs for Palo People and advised me to try them, aa lire physicians wore not ddhig me any good. Da thin my rather bought me two box’-*, which 1 look according to direction*, and I began to m-mver, getting stronger everyday. 1 kept on with Dr. Williams* remedy nntt I had taken two dozen boxes, and by that time every trace of rheumatism was gone, and I am now as well as ever I was. "If you have any double as to my state ;aeut, I refer you for its confirmation to B*v. Hr. Campbell, of Hastings, and Mr. Her ver. of Kusiiopj, the latter b log Super intendent ol the Methodist Sunday School, who know all of the facts surrounding ray extraordinary w.-overy. Pink Pills saved nay life and gave me health and strength, ■tad we will never bo without them la our house. f Signed) “HoaxHOKB Asa. “Manlius Snoot, Bart Syracuse, N. X.” Dr. Williams' Pink Pills contain, In a con densed form, nil th» elements necessary to give new life and rJcUutwu to the blood and restore shattered nervt*. They are also a spcriHo tor troubles peculiar tv fomales, susb :i* *uppr-*srtons. imwulerlties and all forms of weaknewi They build up the blood, and restore the glow of huullli lo polo nod sallow cheeks. In menthoy elhnit n radical cure In all cases arlslitK from muntal worry, over work or excesses of whatever natum Pink P.lta are Void In boxes (never In loos»» bulk) at M cents n box or six boxes for *IOO, and may bo had of all druggists, or direct by mail from Du. Williams’ Hpdiclne Company. Hcbuneciady, S. Y, *‘. ' Wh» bilious or cost Ir*, Ml a Oomret. esady cathartic; oureguarautesdt We., 2jo. Besx* or Omu, C itv ov Toucbo. ». m LUCAf UtlUNl'Y* 1* Prabx J. Dnumbv makes oetb tiial he is the ■eaiov partner *rf Um tom of V.J. ts« .uanivfs tbeaum of owe mnrbKUD pvulaju tor ceca fSWafiSS,' Sworn to Wore ny* end eabseritod in my CotoletekeataSsSfe« > linitflpywaniMMto’iMsietifanrt-We fits eflrr first day’s u«e»f Pa Kwstfl OsM* NmvaKuwrouwi, Pr*eJStriallmlti«andir<»u we. Mead in i>i. wi Arch sa.pKtou.ra. Jour toy alto, box of Qeetuwwm. eerily co tton Ic. Hums Uvir end bewei rrguletor made. ISarsapirilla Sensei Any sarsaparilla is sarsaparilla. True. Soany9f tea is tea. So any flour is flour. But grades differ, gj You want the best It’s so with sarsaparilla. There are grades. You want the best. If you understood SJ sarsaparilla as well as you do tea and flour it £h would be easy to determine. But you don’t. How Sw should you?, When you are going to buy a commodity whose value you don't know, you pick out an oia X) established house to trade with, and trust their Off experience and reputation. Do so when buying e) sarsaparilla. Ayer's Sarsaparilla has been on the market gj fifty years. Your grandfather used Ayer’s. It is a jgk reputable medicine. There are many sarsaparillas. SJ But only one Ayer’s. IT CURES. % ■■■■.we——■ /SThANDY CATHAPTIC \P^QfQkfSXky CURE COHSTIPATION^ff^ i ii AB3OLUTELT QDiGifTEED 'fi£ Ad. gTKXUKa StMTOT Oto. Chte»«a. WfintrmL Caa.. wfftwTwh. tit. ■^^^^^^^^^*MiaßririW<MSHMSTOSiri»i»iTOß*toriiriririririßß»*--eMßetotoiatoßritoteMrißaiitoririißto»mmri«ei«*toietoiriSßfiMririiißtopemmraei-etortririHtoirito lIKMI\CKBASf\NEA t tMii IT WON'T RUB OFF. ) i Plfifl { FREE [ Cotton. With careful rotation of crops and liberal fertilizations, cotton lands will improve. The application of a proper ferti lizer containing sufficient Pot ash often makes the difference between a profitable crop and failure. Use fertilizers contain ing not less than 3 to 4% Actual Potash. Kainit is a complete specific igainst "Rust.” AH about Poifi.h—the remit, dU* >im by actual cx wiiMOt on th* bc»l ftiai in the United Suttw-1* :uld in a liltk hook which m twbl.rii ad will gladly uul free to a«r farmer in Amman who will write fu»*t. CF.RMAN kau works. ' os Naiaau St.. Now Yni pgaaem BtuiaeM wuw 10 onto poraou 1_ ULL In oTery outuity. P)en«« apply riiCC Karejs.sraaj u .i: IsteMe OhwloWe Mercfcuit* Coll on them when yoo goto Cherlotto N.C. Wrfcn •line If. ym> do not co. end have your urden filled •W n»IL In nesweiluicndvt)rU«:n>ent» kindly won limtkla paper. PBlVfltfl! T EST WORK, rpasonal.lt Trice* irtUilUtl Wr to News A Timet Pt’g. lloiute. PBftYfffW P® s - M. ANDREWS, W-lßwTfrsde eUftnliUtbalAlM l'iaocw, O gnna A Blcyelot Or.W.H WAKEFIELD —Cob be consulted la bis office is— CHAKDOTTK, N. No. 201 N. Try on !*». (Hunt Hutldins Ou any week day except Wednesday. His practice Is limited to diseaira of the Eye, Eifl.fiflSEiTHnoiT THE DUB Mjfi HO6 S GHICKCK CHOLERA GORE. » USB NO OTHER, Thomiy fa roro^^a\heweri«| owl CO. A A ourhamnorth carouna. r & N. U.—<>.—*97. an# w •OUOOI of Mlxortlbaadl One ot the More fool tricks la read ing continued stories. M Von see to start witli,” -aW a Cleveland. Ohio, compositor, my work —-that of setting type »t the case—allows me little chance for exercise, and is too confining for anybody who is in the least subject to indiges tion or dyspepsia- That has been my trouble foe yearn and I attrib ute the twent noticeable improvement in my physical condition'to tin occasional use of RIPANS Tabules I first heard of them through a fello * -workman who, on hearing my laic of woe, one day offered me a Tubule and said he would guaran tee it to act on the liver. 1 took it under protest, but was surprised with the result. Tt wss gentle but effective, add since then l have gradually noted an entire change In the working of my system, end I think that Rifton* Tabules ara the best remedy foe liver and stomach troubles this side of anywhere*. They are really in my case a substi tute for Tibystc.il exercise." REVOLVER FREE. WATCH FREE 1 SB other articles. Cost note mg. Reaccurcffer »r*.ji i iha 1 I,la 1 mi o,At .mil* -'llirf. Hill !'0 ■ih-. ■i.'HlllM A W. • ■l. V. Ili'ii<in*r, 1 h >lhl A 11.., Jlw.l .E-r 1 HA Vtli 'i, l I'M. ll:itu.o»)|>V Civil frtl A|»A IMI W.WIII H. i,l„;pii 1 > iiifr Enuui,A. E *id r »lrA Chwrm Wurth I i -Ai.l-rtlil «i,hi It «,•«*« in,. b.r iiuiniu-. ion h.sli mni„ 2*iid t'wrtiA, il IVIA’U I rvrk iuvwaimluiii kn<l 1 JMr port »kl »«!,« i)M« .HI All Ml, In Itniwi hlr trndtr* HOT h lint J«i» ,t« K-r «t*4 )■ HIUl* pHI klL'lt 14 or ItUHot Hip. 1'1,;»r., nih-jd . m . . see v*n reoMiriwuii, «ll«»*0. Xcmttnbrr, rmnwly t*v *. *; *n,l ,rr:,rp.. | W ttgw*. »M ih» I*o Art Wrt. Ilk wM .kAooro iyi*. 11 dnih roorthl— Ilrt kh w,irtk «IIMOT. «li«rwuA-li. OtniT. i,«> I ml. AiUr**» WINMTtIN if* \vn..i«u, !S. < . ■■ il B llitlKß’ki Vox some of the hurgwt vehicle concerne in this country, and carry in etoek ft large llaesf bi’goiks, hibbeys, PHjmns. TRAPS, SPRING WAGONS, FARM WAGONS AND HARKUSS, unit would bt ptauedd to correeponrt | with you. Store room 166 Cert deep, two eteeies and teueement Oiled to celling* with 1 start rtyfts ftf iliwirnble vehlde*- iWrite tor Cntolofioe nnd Price Edsto. : 8.5. IdRICS ICWUT. 203 and 90S South College St reefy CHABLOnE, - - - N. C. Piilnpis 1 liillUijrr:^ has snclk a (in* been offered to make setoatioas from as l now controL lam offering THE MOST POPULAR PIANOS MADE IK TICK UNITED STATER and my coa&ertter I Kmy§ with the big maoufae torers enable* me to LOW A8 THE LOWEST U TERMS Vasyas tbeeasiest. It you can't com* to my store, write ter catalogues and let me dhow you how lean SAVE YOU MONEY. 16-18 W. TRADE STREET, Charlotte, N. C. +BT3 RHEDMACIDE, r*K' ur-M r.M»*me«r,nnl Cnn\ by wm urine iin- Ur«i Aehliethn btuod. M—lxWw »nn*iy ntid pr-raiofitly **rt» RHEUMATISM, fiSffISSSSSSSSS* Keel wtiftt A grailamt huriams men mg* rt nhcamavldet . ATHIX*, vln MAlYrk 9, S^ftesaei Uaviifectnreriontyhy TH* BOB9TTT BBTO CO . UMtk »• «
Eastern Carolina News (Trenton, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
Feb. 24, 1897, edition 1
7
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