v
FIFTY-FOURTH YEAR.
ORGAN OF THE NORTH CAROLINA CONFERENCE.
NUMBER 23
RALEIGH, N. C, THURSDAY, JULY 16, 1908.
A "PEACE" ACCORDING TO BILDAD AKERS
Very often the linotype operator comes into the
editorial office to gain information concerning the
meaning of certain marks intended to represent
words. Sometimes the information is imparted;
at other times the operator is sent back to the
machine with instructions to use his best de
ciphering knowledge and to trust to Providence.
Many of our correspondents have evidently never
been to a writing school.
Occasionally, the linotype man is not after in
formation as to the meaning of marks and
scratches. He wishes, simply, in the politest
manner possible, to convey the idea that the arti
cle in his hand has accidentally slipped through
the editorial fingers to the keyboard of the ma
chine instead of into the waste-basket. A mild
reproof, of course, is intended by the linotype
man no suggestion that the editor does not know
his business.
"You did not intend to have this published, did
you?" said the linotype man through his agent,
the foreman, the other day as the editor was try
ing to locate the phychological element in that
wonderful victory at Denver in which the dele
gates actually "hollered" for Bryan longer than
the Chicago delegates for Taft by at least one
half an hour.
The editor turned and saw about one dozen
pages of writing paper, sewed end to end, with
black thread. One end of the long ribbon was in
the foreman's hand; the other end trailed on the
floor. The chirography of Bildad Akers stood out
plain. We knew the article. We knew when we
gave it in as "copy." We knew what the trouble
vas the strange spelling. We knew that we had
heen criticised for publishing the articles of Bil
dad Akers in their original othography. We
Knew that to have done otherwise would not only
have offended our old friend, but would have had
the same effect as brushing the dew from the
morning glory or rubbing the blush from a June
peach. So without asking any questions, we sim
ply told the foreman to "let her go" (excuse
slang) just, as she was "writ." So hero she
"goes."
OMNVIiUSS ITI.MS.
n by Mr. Hildad AkeiJs, a trow frrnd of the
Olc Holly
1 bav nuthin speshul to rite jest now, but I hav
jest, red as how editur Ivry has axed the preechurs
and layinun to rite more fer the Ole Roily. No
can say that enny preechur, elder, Stewart,
Pditur or enny other sarvint of the church has
tver apealed to me fer help without me bustin a
I'iler if necesary to despond. This is what this
pe means. T jist want to do Ivry a favur and
,ono "I the litterary apartments of Ole Rally a
Siain. jVe got sem.0 enuff t0 know what an 0111
HJbiiKs bill is. 1 ginerally manages to Keep up
Wlh the doins of our legislator boddies every
Jper- So evry reedur knows why I am ritin un
der the hedpeace of Omnybuss Itims. This
leace is made up of all kinds of fixins jest, the
Sa,no as wuz that stu l et at Confearance which,
1 lemember, they cauled a Nu Brunsrick stu.
Well, Ivry, I do wish the preechurs and laymun
would scrach their pens more fer the Advocate.
It would do em a site of good in tranin em to rite
proper. Ef I had not never riten so much for the
papers I wud hav liked a sit of havin the stile
and poppylarity I have got as a litterary scribe.
I wish you could get up a few sanktifide fusses
in your paper. I know evry editur likes sich.
Things is too quiet like. It shows that folks is
not thinkin much, and when folks is not thinkin
much you may set it down that there is sum plum
lazyness in the air, and then when things is so
quiet like there's apt to be sum misschiff agwine
on. I remember Jim Moon's wife had a passel
of hefty, vigrus boys, about a duzen of em it
seemed to me. I used to be over thar a sight.
As long as them boys was yellin and goin on in
the backyard, we knowed evry thing wus jest rite,
but when things got quiet like, we knowed they
wus up to some meanness. Now, I don't like to
have things too quiet in the "Ole Rolly's back
yard. It looks like our people is lazy an aint
doin much. The biggest wurk of the yeer in the
ground is goin on when the March wins is blowin.
Rite more, preechurs and laymun, even ef you
stur up hornets. And dont furgit the wurds of
the Bible out of the bundence of the hart the
mouth speaketh, and it mout be said the pen
riteth. When there's not much speakin and ritin
there's not much in the hart, that is, as a rool. I
put in these last wurds fer the bennyfit of them
peeple which the Lord never intended for em to
say much, and who is purtiest when they says the
least.
But afore I drap this subjeck I jest want to say
this: Most of the ritin there is in the Ole Roily is
did by the sirkut riders. Not as I am sayin that
some citty preechurs aint all right, but it does
seem to me that the feel hans, as you call em, is
doin the most wurk if y6u jedge by the reports
that cums in.
Craps is mity fine down in these parts. Lizy
was sayin to me tuther day that old Marster is
mity good to chillun and eejits. I got to thinkin
about the fine craps this yeer and about the politi
cal spekins and convenshuns and lections and
sich like, and I sez to Lizy, Lizy, ole Marster is
mity good to His peepul endurin lection yeer.
What wud become of the peeple endurin a lection
yeer with so many speekins and fussins and vot
ins and gineral rucuses if old Marster didnt make
up fer hit all by givin good craps? The more I
watch things the stronger I git in my idees of a
Divine Proverdence.
Tawkin about politicks, I didnt go to the Shar
lit, convenshnn. They didnt elect me a delegate,
and I am glad I didnt go, fer my man got beat.
Yes, as my friend George Smitt sez, I am power
ful glad I wasnt thar. They had regular shoutin
times. Bill Baggs was thar and they say he made
more fuss than enny of them. Yet Bill is the fel
ler that, says he caynt tend the pertracted meetin
bekass the fuss makes him nervus. I'm layin fer
Hill at the next meetin, which will begin next
Sunday cumin too weeks. I'm agwine to take the
hide o friii him when he iawks about bein nervus.
Our preechur is keepin his jints greased and
the church's, too, during this sizzlin hot weather.
He put up with us last Saddy nite. After supper
we sot out in the yard and tawked about things
in gineral. He hapened to say why he was late
comin in. It was nigh candle lite when he lit
frum his buggy. He said he had jist cum frum
ole Sister Buckin's whar he hadnt bin in nearly a
yeer, and he thawt he awt to stay a rite smart
spell. I edjed up to the preechur. Lizy had jist
went in and I thawt I had a spankin chance to
tawk to the preechur jist as I pleased. So, I sez
bud, I want to ease myself of a few idees which
cordin to my noshun, would be mity handy to
preechurs. You all has got severul harises as
George Smitt says in your mentle make-up.
Furst , harisy 1, when you tawk about ta kin a
rest now and then and missin a Sunday that you
have to stand up ole bruther So-and-So in your
place, you hav got the idee that if you miss wun
Sunday even the barrul will bust all its hoops and
the waters of salvation will go to waist. Now,
do you know no peeple aint so tuck up with a
preechur but what they raly enjy hear in sum wun
else wunce in a while. The church aint so de
pendent on wun sarmint of no preechur. Then
arter you cum back they will be so much gladder
to see you. Bud, dont git the big head about, the
needcesity of the meetin house havin you all the
time.
Secundly, harisy 2, you have got the idee that
youve got to preech a long whet to a country con
gregation bekase they dont heer you moren wunce
a munth. Do you sumtimes preech an hour'n a
half in sizzlin weather jist bekase you think you
have to tank em full ferninst the next sarmint.
You never made a bigger misstake in your life
in spite of what some ole galivantin complainers
say. Peeple that has got eny sence look at. the
quallity of the meat instid of the lenth of the
shank. Don't fergit it.
Thurdly, Harisy 3, you was speekin of beiu
afeard ole Sister Buckins would not like it if you
didnt stay a long time. Now a, grate menny poe
pul lack fer the preechur to visit lack they preech
--short and sweet. Sum of these peepul who air
everlastinly coniplainin about the preechur not
comin to see em would be disappinted if you was
to cum. Sum preechurs who set meek and
nuiet like in the setting room awatin fer em to
cum in awt jist to get wun square look at the fare
at the back-door and beer what is sed at the
back-door. It would take a few kinks outer your
self-consate. Now, ole Sister Buckins, f happen
to know, is rarin rite now bekase you staid :;
long. She was bilin sope and want to git things
dun afore Sundy. Wisit your peeple, bud, wheth
er they lack it or not, but dont fling away your
common-sence and dont git big-hedded about your
needsessity to the fambly. Now, bud, its time t )
go to roost. Sence wove had prairs, you may lite
out to bed."
This is what I sed to my preechur. Now I
must stop. Next time 1 may rile you a. peace b-uit
as how I cured Ab Mulligan frum dodgin the
Stewart jest afore Confearance. So I will stop
without sinin my name at the tale eend, as this i:
not a letter, but a peace with my name sined at
the dash board.