ZION’S LANDMARKS
159
given out by doctor and fiiends ; I
could not live. I could see then
■where I stood. I really thought I
could not live, and that of all sin
ners T -was tlie worst. I was a great
lover of a ball room and was called
|uite a nice dancer, and it was my
lieart’s delight to dance. During that
•speil I could see myself dancing on
the floor, and dancing pleased me
more than anything else I ever done,
for it rang in my ears from morning
until night, and it was all I cared for
or thought of, and dress ; and some
times I would almost think my fa
ther mean for not getting every no
tion I wanted. And by the time I
imd this spell, my eldest sister mar
ried. I was the next eldest girl. I
thought no one was worse than I
was. I knew I was a sinner and
thought I would yet leave it ofi".—
My sister moved after she was mar
ried to estern Virginia. After she
Avas there about two years they con
cluded to move to Missouri, and ihen
my sister wasted to come back on a
visit to see her dear old father and
mother once more before she started.
When she come, and her time come
around, after being with her dear
peiople, she thought it rather more
than she could bear to bid them all a
last farewell, father, mother, sisters
and brothers, perhaps never to see
any of them again. She soon began
on me to go with her and spend the
Summer, and they were going to.start
•■in the Fall. I thought it hard to
leave my SAveet mother a Avhole long
three months, something 1 had never
done before, to leave so far and for
so long. It was about two hundred
miles. Though I looked on the other
side, to leave sister Avas hard, and I
agbt I would only be gone three
months, that would not be so long,
Avhen I came to think. So I went to
spend the Summer, and Avhen I got
to my sister’s, there was a gentleman
boarding there, and durii^ the Sum--
iner he and I made it up to get mar
ried. My sister was quite in favor
of our getting married, because she
thought if Ave Avere married we would
go on to Missouri Avitli her. I was
Avas quite anxious to go back and see
that sweet old mother and father, al
though my father was talking of
moving there too, and my sister told
me we -would soon all be together any
how, and there was no use of my go
ing back. So me and this gentleman
Avere married the first of the war, and
Ave moved to Cooper county, Missouri.
After ve got there my brother-in-laAv
did not like Cooper county so well
as he did Vernon, and he moved olF.
I soon began to see where I was
again. I saAV I Avas going to be sep
arated from every relative I had.—
This might be a small thing to some
people, butit Avesa hard thing for my
youngheartto giveupall. I thought
it aAvful, but I have been made to see
that Avas nothing to grieve OA^er com
pared with the sinfulness and turpi^
tude of my heart. I did not get a
letter in about five years, and bad
not only to give up their presence,
but had to give up ever seeing them
again or bearing of them. Dut I
had been brought to remember my
sins, and was begging the Lord all
that time to have mercy on me, a
poor Avorthless soul. But mercy and
grace Avere hard for me to find. One
morning before I got up I was roused
by these words: “Turn, sinners
turn.” Oh, I felt happy over the
vision; I Avas singing these words, I
used to hear my oldest sister singing
them. I Avent on trying to serve the
Lord, as Avell as my poor unworthy
soul could do, with the things of this
Avorld to encounter with. But these
things Avere the hardest I ever tried
to get rid of. I thought perish I
Avould, Avith my heart filled up Avith
dress and Avealth, and I did not like
to be caught in society unless it was
Avealthy. And my friends, I felt
now that my heart and s.q^l Avas no,t as
much Aveaned from these things as I
Avould wish them to be, and plead to
my Lord to give me a better one.—
I trust to my Lord sometimes that
He has. Last winter, after a plea
sant night’s rest, I waked up one
morning and called a little adopted
daughter, and must have fell to sleep
again, but if I did it must have been
for a very short time, not exceeding
from thi’ee to five minutes, when
these words came to me : “ Let a re
penting sinner live.” I felt that I
Avas indeed a sinner, and hoped that
the Lord had given me repentance,
and thought, was these wwds me?
I cannot tell, I hope the^Vere, and
sometimes I think they were. Dear
brethren and sisters, they are trying
to organize a branch of the church
of the Old Order here. I think they
have about six members. My mind
has been greatly exercised in regard
to offering for membership among
them, but I feel so unworthy, and
often fear that lam deceived ; I do
not want to deceive the brethren and
sisters, nor bring reproach upon the
cause of the blessed Redeemer, Dear
father, I would like to hear from you
socn, and tell me whether you think
this will do to join the church on.—
I have not written half of my trou
bles and exercises of mind, but I fear
that I have gotten more here than is
Avortliy a place in the Landmarks.—
My dear Christian friends, my little
hope is, that I have a hope in the
Lord, and my desire is to trust in
Him. I greatly Avish the peace of
my dear Christian friends.
ELLEN JOYCE.
So I shall next come to speak
something of the Avatclimen. And
here I shall be compelled to greatly
abridge my feelings. And first,
they are men of like passions Avith
ourselves, but men of grace ; they
are called by the grace of Grod from
darkness to light, and qualified by
the spirit and grace of God to preach
the gospel, and especially called to
the Avork of the ministry, and sent
by the Lord to preach his word,
and by a divine impulse the}' go
forth in the discharge of such an
aAA'ful responsible duty that it often
makes them shrink in themselves
at the thought of such an important
work: yet they cannot rest, for it
is like fire in their hones, and you
knoAv fire must have vent. And
St. Paul says, avo is me, if I preach
not the gosjiel ; consequently, it
must be a man that feels a deep in
terest in the A^'elfare of the church
to he a watchman in Zion; one that
is Avilling to suffer affliction with
the people of God, yea, men that
will hazard their lives for tlie sake
of Christ and his gospel, to come
under the character of a true and
faithful watchman in Zion (or on
Zion’s Avails.) For the church is
surrounded Avith difficulties, and
the enemy of truth, Avith all his
combined forces, is engaged against
the Zion of our God. Therefore,
for Zion’s sake will I not hold my
peace. For Satan is an artful ene
my, and he Avith his emissaries lays
every scheme and stratagem he can
against the church. For he even
gets his ministers into the church
of Christ, and St. Paul tells us for
such are false apostles, deceitful
workers, transforming themselves
into the apostles of Christ; and no
marvel, for Satan himself is trans
formedintoan angeloflight; there
fore, it is no great thing if his min
isters also be transformed as the
ministers of righteousness, whose
end shall be according to their
work. (2 Cor. 9:13,14,15.) And
the apostle Peter says : “But there
were false prophets among the peo
ple, even as there shall be false
teachers among you, Avho privily
shall bring in damnable heresies,
even denying the Lord +hat bought
them, and bring upon themselves
swift destruction.” (2 Peter, 2:1.)
Beware of false prophets, says Je
sus, for they shall come to you in
sheep’s clothing, hut inwardly they
are ravening Avolves : hut ye shall
know them by their fruits.— W^i~
liam Thomas, 1840.
It is argued that, if God fore
knows who will be saved and who
lost, he has therefore decreed AA'hat-
ever comes to pass. This is saying
and believing Avhat the predestina-
rian denies. The predestinarian
believes in the foreknowledge of
God, and that all men by nature de
serve condemnation. The predesti
narian believes in the atonement of
the Lord Jesus, and that his righte
ousness is made over and imputed to
all his spiritual children by and
through the means or instrumentality
of faith, as the laAV of righteousness
that it might be of grace. The pre.^
destinarian believes that the means
and the end are inseparably connected
and that works and faith are as much
united as soul and body, and that
God knoweth them that are his.—
Joseph II. Eane\, 1837.
The iuAvard man is taught the de
pravity of human nature, and loses
all hope ; the outAvard man is taught
to knoAv good and evil, and keeps a
little hope. The iiiAvard man loses a
day of grace, as he feels; the out
ward man has none to lose. When
it pleases God to reveal Jesus Christ
to the inward man, and we feel that
we are made whole, sins all fOne ;
sorrow all gone, the soul made glad,
the poor thing thinks it will never
see any more trouble; goodness and
mercy will follow all the days of my
life. But, poor thing; after some
short time it loses its joys, and then
poor thing it is worse off than ever,
and cries out, I am deceived; and
runs in prayer to God, and prays to
the Lord to give him all his troubles
back again, that he may go over it
all again, and be better satisfied.—
And thus they beg till God renews
the covenant, as he did with Abra
ham. And thus God’s chosen Israel
Avanted to go back to Egypt, until
the Son made them stronger. Not
so Avith the flesh. When the flesh
loses all its sorrows, it never wants
them again; for it can’t be that na
ture should pray, and sincerely desire
trouble. But desires to only live
joyfully, in good hope.— W. Vrutch-
er, 1842.