? * V' * JDrnrfis Hnpe d&r ? a * ? i ? ? ? ? : ft < . '< By Chuck Godfrey > ? ? ' ?"Why should il happen to me?".?"t've never done or meant anyone any harm, so what have I done u> deserve this?" These and a dozen other similar self pitying phrases in oar minds, and often spoken as well U> the point bf repetitive nausea for those who have to listen to them, always seem so justified. After all wthaw suffered; things A ore gone wrong; seemingly undeserved blows Aai* fallen on us... I Such justificatory thoughts only serve to make the self pity worse. In the crushing of our pride, our selfish dreams, our possible sheer bad luck, we forget completely that there never Whs any reason in heaven or earth why it should not happen id us. Such things are part and parcel of living in this imperfect and wholly unfair world. We seldom consider that it has not happened only to us, but to countless others as well, ?ften in far, far worse form. Our pride is often at the bottom of all this. As Thomas Merton says, "Worship of the self is the last and most difficult of idolatries to delect and gel rid of." We cling night and day. year in and year out, to our own fragile little self-invented identities, convincing ourselves all the time that they are something special, something loo important not to have their own way in everything, but everything. We even believe so foolishly that by living harmlessly in the world we stake a claim to be protected from the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune." How vain we are' Wo must love oundvee, tube lain our natural self etteem. it is true, before wo can love others. But hoi* we are dealing with idolatry, a very different thing. By the insidious, cloying moons of self-pity we then seek to sway or even to' manipulate others, suiting usually by begging shamelessly for their sympathy. At first, most listeners u> the whine of self pity, being decent folk, do sympathize. They point out that things could be worse, that things will improve, that they themselves are pretty full up wjth worries or setbacks, too. Such attitudes, although well-meaning, serve only to nourish the self pity within us, often to the point w hen we surt really enjoying it for a while. Such exploitive self-pity soon begins to crush others, though, especially if we sun using it merely to get our way. even to blackmail others involved. "You know how worried I ?get, and yet jwu still go on...."; or even to try to force love:"If you really loved me you wouldn't always...." Swiftly such tenth-degree self-pity backfires on the self-pitier. No one loves a martyr: at the very least they are so boring, always going on and on about how much they suffer. The rest of the world is very quickly turned off by self-pitiers, even when there seems some justification for their disappointment. No, we must fight self pity, without seeking to enlist others in a battle that is essentially personal. Even if logical thought eludes us at such times, it is always well to try to remember that the situation that led to the self pitying in the first place, disastrous <>r trivial -and it is surprising how often it is the latter-does not need pity of smy ?ort, from a^ny direction. It needs clesc thought. food senae. positive action: Thought ? mual bo the harder: the heart the keener courage must be greater aa our strength grow* lew." as an old warrior wross centuries ago. Such a situation needs a cool head, too, not one fevered by whining. The first thing the self-pitier needs to face up to is the simple fact that he or the is a self pitier. It is easily surprising how many depressed folk never consider that self-pity' endlessly indulged may be the very root cause of their depression. It is the giving way that depresses us. not the reverse. We ail need to face up the the fact that we may be feeling sorry for ourselves to unhealthy excess. The second thing is to uy to realize that sadness, regret and disappointment are unpleasant things, buf they are not the end of the world. Much self pity stems from our inability to distinguish between disappointment and catastrophe, bet ween sadness and tragedy. If yog doubt this, just look outward at the world for a change. Life itself is a continuing series of frustrations and disappointments, yet all the time it has to be faced, and it must go on. If we seek a life free from frustration and upset, we are foolishly seeking paradise here on earth. To live is itself to be frustrated. We must expect to be unhappy now and then. The more we dwell on the frustration, however, the worse it will seem. There are in fact no soft, soothing words for the emotion of self pity, only harsh unequivocal ones designed to prevent our surrender to it. Paul Hauck sums them up well and with deep understanding: "Self pitiers of the world, stop It! There are better ways of getting whet yew west out of Me--I*c example love you, accepting thing* as they are U you can't change them, not building up thine* out of proportion or bettering you must have your way at all time* and will die if you are frustrated. Make those changes in your life, and I guarantee ? there will be far leas self-pity in your life- and far leas - depression as well." After all, we grow more in the storms * than in the sunlight. . . If ever a battle was worth the winning, it is this one. We reiate anyone who would like to cyme and worship with . us to join us at ourckurck located S miles west of Pembroke at the junction of Highways 710-711. The church in study is at S . pm and the church in worship is at k pm each Saturday. Cher . mid-week service is at 7 pm each Tuesday evening. , WINNER OE DIAPER DERBY Ashley Sierra Chavis, ten month oltl daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Riekii Charts of Lumberton, XC. teas the winner of ? Diaper Derby at Roses Department ston held on April 23, 1988. She reeeired a $50.00 sarings born!. Diaper Derby ? t-shirt, arid Huggits tennis shoes. GROWING UP IN ROBESON COUNTY By Ronald H. Lowry V Virginia Beach, VA Continued From List Vi\rk When I was liule, we entertained ourselves in cold weather by sitting around the fireplace playing checkers and homemade games like fox and the geese and jack-in-the-bush. In fox and the geese a diagram was drawn on stiff cardboard. A large button was the fox and 12 grains of com would be the geese. The fox would try to scatter the geese and jump them, as in checkers, to clear the board. At the same time the geese would work together in an attempt to pin the fox in a comer. Jack-in-the-bush wasa gambling game we sometimes played after we were given our allowance,of oven parched peanuts,,lp the game, peanuts were concealed in the hand while someone would guess the number. Peanuts changed hand according to set rules. Playing cards were not allowed in our house because my dad associated them with real gambling. My cousin Ruth and Commander Bilson introduced us to authentic playing cards once during their visit to our house. They brought along several decks of cards and cousin Ruth spent most of the first couple of nights teaching us the terminology of playing cards and demonstrating various techniques used in shuffling cards. On following nights we were given instructions and hands-on training in playing different card games. All the games we played used some type of point system to determine the winner, and they were lots of fun and a good way to pass the night away. After the Bilsons had been with us for three or four days, the Commander began getting a little fidgety and I thought it was because he was getting bored with country life. My dad told me later that his restlessness was caused by something else. Being a career naval officer. Commander Bilson had become accustomed to beverages a lot stronger than coffee and Robeson County was a dry county where the legal sale of alcoholic beverages was not allot^pd. The only form of alcohoL al^>wed in our house was rubbing alcohol. On the fifth day of the Bilson's visit, my dad look them to the Union Chapel community to visit family connections. When they relumed to our house, the Bilsons were in good spirits and calm. It seemed that someone at one of the homes visited had diagnosed the problem Commander was having and took him to his packhouse for a remedy. All said and done, the Bilsons enjoyed their visit with their country relatives. The following Christmas we received a large gift box from them filled with balls, gloves and bats. They had seen our homemade gear for playing hardrock ball. We made our balls with round rocks from the railroad which were wrapped in tobacco twine. Our bats were carved from trunks of small oak trees, and our gloves were made using the hip pockets of worn-out bib overalls with a cotton padding sewn onto them. When I was young I used to hear stories about how some of the Robeson County Native Americans could pass for White in some of the local towns, while some of the darker ones would have to prove their Indian identity. An experience my dad told me about one summer provided an example of a fair-skinned Indian being accepted as White. After my dad washed, shaved and put <>n a clean shirt, trousers, hat and tie, he could easily -.pass for .. Scotchman among strangers in Robeson County. TI>iS particular day my dad was the only Indian in a group of While farmers waiting for their tobacco to be sntd in Fairmont, and he was taking an active part in the conversation c hich dealt mainlywith tarmii.g. A member of the group brought up the subject dealing with Robeson County Indians and my dad became a listener. He heard some derogatory statements being made against the Indians. As the group was dispersing one oft he farmers asked my dad his name. Without hesitation my dadsaid, "Caulk." The White farmer commented that the. name was uncommon for the area. My dad avoided any confutation or embarrassment that day in Fairmont by not, giving the common name Lowry as his last name. He rationalised using the name Caulk was not a falsehood because his aunt, who raised my dad, married a man whose name was Wes Caulk, hi going through some of his records for social security benefits, my dad came acmes some qfd documents listing his name as Marvin Caulk. Before forced integration arrived many fair-skinned Robeeon County Indians used what I call disguised integratloa to mergemio White culture. My dad used a form of disguised integration that day in Fairmont. I used the strategy in the early 1950s when I left Robeeon County to attend college. It was t.tsM-r u> blend into a gr up and be part of the group Instead of standing out as somebody different. The character of people today tends to pradominis ever century wfflhave mwldrd j^eraUngoea another aeeortKag ill. A. * ? 5 LOCATIONS TO SERVE YOU!! ? NO. I: 1002 E. 5th Street Lumberton ? NO. 2: Union Chapel Road. Pembroke ? NO. As 110 W. Armfield Street St Pauls ? NO. 7: 1000 N Pine Street. Lumberton ? NO. ?: N. Walnut Street, Fairmont N.C ? /? FOOD PRICES EFFECTIVE THROUGH SATURDAY, MAY 7, 1988 Ml PINE STREET STORE HOURS MONDAY THROUGH SATURDAY 7 OOA.M. TIL 10:00P.M. SUNDAY 1:00 P.M. TIL 6:00 P.M. DELI-BAKERY HOURS MONDAY THROUGH SATURDAY 7 00 A.M. TIL 8:00 P.M. STEAK *489 ?Of TIMOM TAITI CUBE RJU CUT ROUND f7W STIAK A * ?O S TENDS* TASTE BONE IN CIDIAIU FAMILY PACK 9IKLUIN ECONOMY CUT STEAK PORK CHOPS T 99! BO'S TENDER TASTE LEAN BONELESS SIRLOIN CAJ(0 pork $A99 STRIP *2**. 2 - FAMILY PACK CAROLINA FRESH CAROLINA FRESH I FRYER CHICKEN I DRUMSTICK 4REAST I 43 g J01 TAm - - ?' S^KSS? ^ggyyl _ ^ : :H:C^ V! l? ^HH. *?IrU V c. -fi. "'t* ?* 119 MATCH Mk |tf U.S. NO. I HHlflP' I" J BELL PEPPERS OR/? /* ? "g*. l|U CUCUMBERS If / J POTATOES - Tf Jf mo * i i I ' i ..