Newspapers / The News-Herald (Morganton, N.C.) / April 21, 1910, edition 1 / Page 3
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The News-Herald- supplement. Vol XXVI. MORGANTON, N. C, APRIL 21st, 1910. No. 1. Dacgerous Things from Halley'i Comet Arthur T. Abernethy in Wilkes Patriot. Attention should be called to the - hitherto unannounced dis astrous and dangerous animals that are to be sprayed over the earth by the tail of Halley's comet. A dispatch from old Doc tcr Knowitall of Coal Oil Univer sity has just advised me that while the gaseous liquid that ac companies the comet's tail will nets oppress us the comet has gathered in its mad Swiss across ihei celestial spheres millions of wild animals from Mars, Jupiter an4 Ubiquitous and these will be sprayed over the American con tinent like fleas on a thick haired dog- Seventeen thousand raging guyacootuses and a million long haired whangdoodles will be dropped off the comet's tail some where between the Brusy moun tain and the edge of the Ashe lin4 This is terrible. The guy acootus is a mammoth animal, weighs three hundred tons in its bare legs, is the size of the North Wilkesboro opera house and eats whole pine trees at a single gulp. It grows to be a million years old, only eats every 90 years and picks its teeth with song and dance men. It swallows whole families without chewing them, gulps dotfn a grown person, especially a cblored man at one mouthful, then chews the unfortunate fel low up and spits him back into his own face. Its native home is in jthe mountains on the planet dial's where it lives in elephant's nests which take food to the guyacootuses when they are young. It sleeps under the sea (an4 has mermaids in its skin and k 'the" older ones have been known to knock whole mountains down with a single wink of the right eyi Its legs are ten feet long cn one side and two on the other and it runs around the mountain sides where part of its body ' reaches to the bottom while the other rests on top. Its roar is worse than a cyclone and tears holes in the ground like an earthquake. Its lungs are so deep it takes two hours for it to draw a single breath and when it exhales it is worse than a torna Vio.? Ihe whangdoodle is not so ?rocious, but there are a million f them which were swept up by i." a comet as it passed Ubiquitous zi these will chew up all the r c ilroad spikes and eat out the window panes in houses just like a hungry man would a rare beef steak. The whangdoodle only gets to be about the size of a dwelling house, but it has long beard and is dangerous because it flies through the air so fast and has to fan itself with an oak tree to keep from catching fire. Seven teen thousand of these guyacoot uses and a million whangdoodles in this territory will overrun us and I urge every reader of the Pa triot to keep his children in until these wild beasts become domesticated. The ingredients are on the carton. Dr. Bell's Pine-Tar-Honey contains no habit producing- drugs, and always gives satisfaction. Look for the bell on the Bottle REPORT OF THE CONDITION OF THE FIRST NATIONAL BANK AT MORGANTON, IN THE STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA, AT THE CLUSK O' BUSI NESS. MAR. 29th. 1910. HOE SPRING Gree no S186.044.56 712.98 20.000,00 7,000.00 62.643.31 11,624.16 198.63 2,705.00 260.48 23,041.00 1.000.00 RESOURCES. Loans and Discounts Overdrafts, secured and unsecured U. S. Bonds to secure circulation Banking house, furniture, fixtures Due from National Banks (not reserve agents) Due from approved reserve agents Checks and other cash items Notes of other National Banks Fractional paper currency, nickels and cents Lawful. Money Reserve in Bank, viz: Specie 17,141.00 Legal-tender notes 5,900.00 f Redemption fund with U. S. Treasurer (5 per ct. of circulation) Total LIABILITIES. Capital stock paid in Surplus fund Undivided profits, less expenses and taxes paid Interest Reserve National Bank notes outstanding Individual deposits subject to check Demand certificates of deposit Cashier s checks outstanding Total State of North Carolina. ' s s County op Burke, t I. A. M. Introld. Cashier of the above-named bank, do solemnly swear that the above statement is true to the best of my knowledge and belief. A. M. INGOLD. Cashier. Subscribed and sworn to before me this 2nd day of April. 1910. JS. M. HAUir 'lrJL,L. Notary rublic J S. R. COLLECT. Correct Attest: LL DAVIS. J R. T. CLAY WELL, Directors. 315.235.17 $ 35,000.00 20.000.00 3,768.84 500.00 20,000.00 155,228.83 79.694.21 1,043.29 315.235.17 JtTompt relief in all cases of throat n J lung trouble if you use Chamber- uil's ixnign Kemedy. Pleasant to a, soothing and healing in effect Id by all druggists. REPORT OF THE CONDITION OF THE BANK OF MORGANTON AT MORGANTON, IN THE STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA. AT THE CLOSE OF BUSI NESS, MAR. 29. 1910. RESOURCES. Loans and discounts $53,961.78 Overdrafts secured and unsecured 70.01 Banking house, furniture and fixtures 1.085.81 Due from banks and bankers 19.913.91 Gold coin 1.250.00 Silver coin, including all minor coin cur rency 1,120.47 National bank notes and other U. S. notes 4.727.00 Total Capital stock LIABILITIES. 82.128.98 $19,800.00 Undivided profits, less expenses and taxes paid 2,281.58 Bills payable 2.500.00 Time Certificates of deposit 9.694.31 Deposits subject to check 47.853.09 Total 82.128.98 State of North Carolina. I && County of Burke. I I. W. E. Walton, Cashier of the above-named bank, do solemnly swear that the above statement is true to the best of my knowledge and belief. W. E. WALTON. Cashier. Subscribed and sworn to before me. this 7th of April. 1910. S. M. SLOAN. Notary Public I C A. SPENCER. Correct Attest: JOHN A. DICKSON. ( B. S. GAITHER. i Directors. The passing of a season, The dawn of Spring An important event in a clothing house. JU ? 3-'i'4lP fei ia" if f ; Copyright 1910 By W3tL j" schloss bros. & co. fcjvm I'M?" Fine Cloths. Maker, t psS1, Baltimore and New York JT Every man and boy expects to appear in fresh, new clothes for Spring. An up-to-date house must be pre pared. For some time we have been receiving new wear ables. We carry exclusive lines of the largest and best equipped stocks in this section. All our wearables are made for us direct, cut and made full and right. Any thing for men and boys from a suit of clothes to a pair of suspenders. , We offer liberal terms, fair dealing and honest goods. TRY US. B. F. DAVIS & SON.
The News-Herald (Morganton, N.C.)
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April 21, 1910, edition 1
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