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VI. J. YATES, Editoe UK Peopeieto.
Termt Subscription $2. 00. 1 advance.
CHARLOTTE, N. C, FRIDAY, MAKCH 2, 1877.
TWENTY-FIFTH VOLUME NUMBER 1267.
-co. - .
VII II III J Ml . J
ill II 1 I 1 I 1 i l '
1
THE
Charlotte Democrat,
PUBLISHED BY
WILLIAM J. YATES, Editor and Proprietor
o
Tekms TWO DOLLARS for one year, or
One Dollar and Twenty-five Cents for six months.
Subscription mutt be paid in advance.
o
Advertisements will be inserted at reasonable,
rates, or in accordance with contract.
Obituary notices of over five lines in length will
Nft charged for at advertising rates.
Dr. JOHN H. McADEN,
Wholesale and Retail Druggist,,
CHARLOTTE, X. C,
Fancy and Toilet Articles, wnicn ne is ueienmneu
to sell at the very lowest prices.
Jan 1, 1H75.
F. SCARR & CO.,
Chomists and Druggists,
CHARLOTTE, X. C.
J'resrriptions prepared at all hoars of the
Day and N'ujltt.
YTi-ep constantly on hand all kinds of Drugs, Medi
cine?, Paints, Oils, Dye Stuffs, Spices, Green and
Blac k Tea, Ac, &c.
Jan. 1, 1870.
J. P. Mc Combs, M. D.,
'tiers his professional services to the citizens of
.'. h.irlotte and surrounding country. All calls, both
Might and day, promptly attended to.
OHice in Brown's building, up stairs, opposite the
t harlotte Hotel.
Jan. 1, 1873.
i.wiv-, j - jr - ,
I. OSBORNE.
OSBORNE &
Attorneys
W. C. MAXWELL.
MAXWELL,
at Law,
CHARLOTTE, N. C.
Office over Ilarty's Crockery Store, mar the
Court House.
Particular attention given to Collections, Settle
ment of Estates and Partition of Land and Convey
ancing. Nov. 1, 187C ly
CLEMENT DOWD.
I'LATT D. WALKER.
DOWD & WALKER,
Attorneys at Law,
CHARLOTTE, N. V.
Oilice in Commercial Nati m:il Bank Build
ing, entrance; on Fourth Street.
Feb. a, 1877
3m
RUFUS BARRINGER,
Attorney at Law,
CHARLOTTE, N. C.
V)flicc hours from 9 A. M. to 3 P. M. Is in Con
cord second Saturday of each month.
Feb. 2, 1877 lm
DR. W. H. HOFFMAN,
Dentist,
CHARLOTTE, X. C.
Office over A. R. Nisbet & Bro's Store, Trade
Street.
Feb. 8. 187-.
W. F. COOK,
."rade street, on North Carolina Railroad,
Charlotte, N. C,
. anufacturer of CIDER MILLS and all kinds of
FARMING IMPLEMENTS.
All orders promptly attended to.
Jan. 22, 1872.
R. M. MILLER & SONS,
'Commission Merchants,
and
WHOLESALE DEALERS IN
Provisions and Groceries,
Volte ye Street, Ciiaulotte, N . C .
Flour, Bacon, Sugar, Couee, Salt, Molasses, and
i n fact, all kind of Groceries in large quantities
always on hand for the Wholesale trade.
Jan. 1 1873.
A. BETHUNE,
Tailor,
KeaT room over 1). M. Rigler's Store, next door to
E. I). Lathi's Clothing Store, is prepared to do all
kind of work belonins: to the Tailoring business.
He receives his Styles and Patterns regularly
from the Artist Cutters' Exchange, New York.
Terms, moderate, but invariably Cash.
Jan. 12, 1877 y
K. f. MILLER & SONS. JOHN M. LEAK.
MILLER & LEAK,
TOBACCO MANUFACTURERS,
Charlotte, N. C.
BRANDS:
(iold Basis, None Such, Hornet's Nest.
July 31, 1876.
HOTEL!
The Central Hotel,
CHARLOTTE, N. C,
Located in the centre of the city, has been fitted up
as a First Class House with New Furniture and all
conveniences appertaining to a good Hotel.
Terms $3 00, $2.50 and $ 2 00 per day, accord
ing to location of Room.
H. C. ECCLES, Proprietor.
Feb. 2, 1S77.
CHARLOTTE INSTITUTE
For Young Ladies.
The Spring Term begins February 7th, 1877.
Instructions in Painting, Drawing, Music, French,
Wax-Work, &c, is provided for young Ladies
who do not wish to take the Academic course.
The Drawing Class meets dailv, the charge per
Term is $ 10.
For other information apply to
REV. S. TAYLOR MARTIN,
Jan. 20, 1877. Principal.
Has on hand a large and well selected stock of PLKE
DRUGS, Chemicals, Patent Medicines, Family
x?nft ' Ot! Varnishes. Dve Btuffs.
ATTENTION SPORTSMEN !
Come Buy a Gun.
Sincle Guns from $2.75 to $3 50, Double Guns
from :6 50 to $24. Gun Wads, Paper Shell 10 and
12 gauge (central fire.) Shot Concentrators for long
range "shooting. Rifle, Shot Gun and Blasting
Powder ; Cartridges all sizes.
Also, a large stock of Walking Canes. In fact
all kinds of Sportins; Goods for Christmae Holidays.
W. B. TAYLOR.
Dec. 10, 1876.
Human Natub:-JJeke, There and
Everywhere. Ttej;;.have a "citizens'
movement" in fcittsbajg, Penn., and it was
all going on very smoothly till one man got
up in the mwtnjff;iafid asked: "Ain't I
nominated fo'rY Mayor?" "No" said the
meeting. "ivor for Treasurer?" "No."
"Nor for Contr6l!ein: "No." "Then dam
me if I Jont malte'it warm for this move
ment, thaVa all.'? f
Lands for Sale, Rent, &c.
190 Acres of Land for Sale.
By Yirtue of a Deed of Trust executed to me by
Mrs. Sarah Mary Kohler, on the 20th day of De
cember, 1875, 1 will expese to Public Sale for Cadi,
to the highest bidder, on MONDAY, MARCH 5tb,
1877, at the Court House door in Charlotte, all that
Tract of LAND on which said Kohler now resides,
adjoining the lands formerly owned by J. JV.
Moore arid of Harvey Henderson, W. M. Variderver
and others, containing 190 Acres, more or less.
F. W. AIIRENS, Trustee.
Feb. 0,1877 4w
Administrator's Sale
OF REAL ESTATE.
On the 10th day of March, 1877, 1 will sell, at the
Court House door in Charlotte, a Tract of LAND
lying eisrht miles West of Charlotte, on the Tuck
aseege Road, containing about Forty Acres, the pro
perty of John Cathey, deceased.
Tekms One Hundred Dollars cash ; remainder
on a credit of twelve months, purchaser giving
bond with security.
WM. TODD,
Administrator of John Cathey.
Feb. 9, 1877 5w
Valuable Land for Sale.
On Monday, the 5th day of March, at the Court
House door of the County, I will sell to the highest
bidder that valuable Tract of LAND in Providence
Township, known as the "PortePlace," on which
I reside, containing Five Hundred and Fifty Acres,
more or less. I will be pleased to show the Lands
to any desirous of purchasing.
Tehms of Sale. Nine months credit, interest
added Note negotiable and paj-able at Bank Title
papers reserved until purchase monev is paid.
M. L. DAYIS.
Feb. 2, 1877 5w
Administrator's Notice.
Having qualified as Administrator of the estate
of Roderick McDonald, deceased, notice is hereby
given to all persons who are indebted to the de
ceased, to make payment to me, and all who have
claims against his estate must present them to me
within the time specified by law, or this notice will
be pleaded in bar of their recovery.
S. C. PHARR,
Feb. 23, 1877. Ow. Administrator.
MOUNTAIN LAND
For Sale.
The subscriber has a number of good FARMS
for sale in Wilkes county. One on top of the
Brushy Mountain, seven miles South of Wilkesboro,
containing 200 Acres an old settled place good
Orchard and comfortable Houses. Price $500.
Possession given immediately.
He also has a FARM on Third Creek, Rowan
county, adjoining Frank Barber, Esq., containing
127 Acres. Price $10 per Acre, cash and time.
For further particulars apply at U. S. Branch
Mint in Charlotte.
CALVIN J. COWTLES.
Charlotte, N. C, Sept. 11, 1876.
Real Estate. Agency
In Charlotte.
I offer my services as a Real Estate Agent for the
sale of Lands and Houses in the city of Charlotte
and the Piedmont region of North and South
Carolina.
I have on hand, for Sale and Rent, Town Lots,
Houses, Water Powers for Mill Sites, Gold, Copper
and Iron Mines, and many thousand Acres of Land
adapted to Farming or Stock Raising, varying from
$1 to $35 per Acre.
Apply at my Office over the Commercial
National Bank.
THOS. F. DRAYTON.
Nov. 27, 1S76 3m
REMOVAL !
I would return my thanks to my friends and
former patrons for their custom, and invite them
and the public to call and see me at my new Stand,
No. 2 Granite Row, next door to Express Office.
J. K. PUREFOY.
Jan. 10, 1877.
F. SCARR & CO.,
Have removed their Drug Store to the Irwin
Corner Building,
Corner of Trade and Try on Streets,
Where they invite all old customers and as many
new ones as will to give them a call.
ZW All goods at bottom prices. Come and see
for yourselves. No oharge for admission.
F. SCARR & CO.
Feb. 2, 1877.
Fresh Arrivals.
I have just received another supply of Groceries,
which have been selected expressly to suit our
Retail Trade. I make it a point to select only re
liable goods, such as I can warrant to give satisfac
tion. Such as Bacon Sides, Shoulders, Hams, Pure
Leaf Lard, Butter, Eggs, Large Hominy, Grits,
Fine New York Cabbage, Mountain Cabbage,
Canned Tomatoes, Oysters and Sardines.
Goods delivered free to any part of the city.
Feb. 9, 1877. B. N. SMITH.
C. S. HOLTON & CO.,
Dealers ix
Family Groceries, Canned Goods,
CONFECTIONERIES, FRUITS, &c.
They have one of the best BAKERS in the
country, and are prepared to furnish fresh Bread
daily, Cakes, Pies, &c, at short notice.
C. S. HOLTON & CO.,
Jan. 19, 1S77. Opposite the Old Market.
DR. S. E. BRATTON
Can be found at his residence, or at the Drug Store
of Dr. Scarr& Co., when not Professionally eneasred.
Feb. 2,1877. "
NEW HOTEL.
JTAXSIOX HOUSE,
CORNER TRADE AND COLLEGE STREETS.
Term 8 $2 per day.
This Hotel is just opened l the public, and con
sequently everything is fresh and new. The Pro
prietors "feel confident that they can satisfactorily
cater to the wants of their guests, and respectfully
solicit a share of the public patron a ee.
J. Mc. ALEXANDER & CO.,
Oct. 16, 1876. Proprietor.
. '
The Jiobby of Congress.
Frm the Baltimore Sua.
Practically5 -tlere appears to be three
Houses of Congr&fr the Senate, the House
ol Representative and the Lobby. The
lobby is organized 'and is said to be recog
nized, inexcusably enoug, by the other
two bodies. Its members are self-elected,
whether men or women, and appear to be
composed of vt ''indifferent materials.
Nevertheless tfiey" 'act as if they were the
accredited agents of Congress, and it is said
to be difficult to get a hearing from that
body except through these middle men and
women, which is very much to the discredit
of Congress if it be true. No national
legislative body in the civilized world ex
cept the American Congress, permits the
avenues of approach) it to be in the hands
of such agents. Therte is an English law
regulating the practice before committees
of Parliament, the adoption of which here
would effectually dispose of these birds of
prey. An act was. introduced in the Sen
ate, and also in the House, about two years
ago, having in view the extinction of the
lobby, but both of them disappeared. Two
thirds ol the lobby are said to be better
fitted for penal institutions than the Capitol.
It Congress must have a lobby it should at
least insist that it should be of a respecta
ble character. If agents must be employed
to secure the attention of the Representa
tives of the people to the business of their
constituents. Congress should insist that
they should be at least honest and intelli
gent. If men who have business in Con
gress must engage lobbyists, as men do
lawyers to present their ease in Court, Con
gress should, like the-Courts, drop from the
roll of those attorneys all persons of a dis
reputable character. The members of the
lobby are said now to be operating in great
force, both on the Senate an 1 House of
Representatives. In the latter body they
have become so persistent as to obtrude
themselves in large numbers on the floor of
the House, and on a late occasion so crowded
it that members were much inconvenienced
and irritated by the manner in which they
were crowded at every turn and solicited
to vote for this or that measure. Repre
sentative Durham ol Kentucky, deserves
great credit for his courage in making a
move to clear the floor of members of the
third house; but still they come, women in
cluded. The Texas and Southern Pacific
lobby are said to be the prevailing nuisance
in the House, while they are rivalled, if not
exceeded in numbers, appliances and impu
dence by the lobby working in the Senate
in the interest of the present Pacific Rail
roads, and against any fair bill to compel
them to establish a sinking fund to provide
tor the payment ol principal and interest of
the United States Bonds issued to them.
In the interest of decency and honest legis
lation Congress ought at once to free itself
from this crying disgrace.
DISSOLUTION.
The firm of WADE & PEGRAM was dissolved
by mutual consent on the 1st of February, 1877,
and the business will be settled by
PEGRAM & CO.,
Who are authorized to sign the name of the firm
in liquidation. R. 1). WADE,
S. S. PEGRAM.
Co-partnership.
The undersigned have formed a co-partnership
under the style or firm of
PEGRAM & CO.,
For the purpose of conducting the
Boot and Shoe Business
In all its branches. Call and see us at the old
stand of Wade & Pegram.
S. S. PEGRAM,
W. W. PEGRAM.
First National Bank Building,
Feb. 1G, 1ST 7. Charlotte, N. C.
Notice to Creditors of T. A. Sharpe, dee'd.
Prolate Court, Mecklenburg County.
T. A. Squires, Creditor, Plaint iiT, against D. C.
Sharpe, Administrator of T. A. bliarpe.
All creditors of T. A. Sharpe, dee'd, are hereby
notified to prove their debts before me,in the above
entitled action, on or before the 19th day of March,
1877, or their claims will not be counted in the
distribution and settlement of said Estate.
J. K. ERWIN,
Feb. 10, 1877 3v Clerk Superior Court.
EVERYBODY
Will please take notice that we are selling GOODS
cheap. We have a few pair of Blankets left, very
cheap.
Our READY-MADE CLOTHING cheap for
Cash. We sell Flannels cheap. Our Dress Ccods
must be sold.
Prints and Shirtings may go higher, and it may
be well to supply yourself now at old prices.
Do call and arrange your Account we need the
monev.
ALEXANDER, SE1GLE & CO.
Feb. 16, 1877.
BUY THE BEST.
No. 1 Indian Rock (Va.) Lime,
Fresh and in good order, kept constantly on hand.
This Lime is superior to auy in market for build
ing or agricultural purposes. Analysis 97 per cent
Carbonate of Lime.
READ CERTIFICATE.
We consider the Indian Rock (Va.) Lime an ex
cellent article and superior to any we have used in
this market.
Thomas Woodroffk, P. M. Murray,
Morse & Galloway, T. C. Allison,
Edward Madden, J. C. Eagle,
Contractors and Builders.
For sale by W. X. WARD,
Feb. 10, 1S77. Corner College and 4th Strecti.
FERTILIZERS, SEEDS,
Agricultural Implements, Vehicles, &c.
"Farmers' Cauldrons," set in Stoves; White
Water Wagons, Barouches, Buggies, Phaitons,
Spring Wagons, Poney and Pet Corn-Shellers, with
and without Fans; Orchard Grass; Clover, Red
Tp, German Millet, Kentucky Blue Grass, English
Blue Grass, Lucerne; Virginia SprimiOats; Na
vassa Acid Phosphate, Cotton Mixture, &c.
J AS F. JOHNSTON,
Opera House Building,
Jan. 26, 1877. Charlotte, N. C.
" The Righteous Never Forsaken.
An ex-Judge of this State, an eminent
man and close observer of men, remarked
tht in all the Courts which he ever attend
ed! as a p-acticing lawyer or presiding
Judge, he had been impressed with the
truth of the Psalmist's declaration I have
not seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed
begging bread but that ev ery instance of
abject and suffering poverty, or of punish
ment in the Courts, could be traced directly
or indirectly to idleness, immorality or
crime. The declaration of that Judge can,
no doubt, be confirmed by the testimony of
every person who has been a close observer
of the lives and fortunes of men, and will
take the trouble to trace effects to cause.
And surely every one who has implicit
faith in the holy scriptures and believes
lha,t iGod will certainly perforin what he
promises, cannot refuse full credence to the
truth of what the Psalmist declares.
The Bible contains, on almost every page,
assurances of divine care and protection for
those who walk uprightly before God and
faithfully and strictly keep his command
ments. There is no one feature more
prominent in the scriptures than its prom
ises of good to the righteous and its threat
enings of evil to the wicked. There is noth
ing more fixed and immutable than God's
law and nothing more certain than that
obedience to it will meet with a reward of
blessings and that its violation will entail
suffering and woe. N. C. Christian Ad
vocate .
The Painless Death.
In a recent holiday lecture at the Royal
Institution, Prof. Tyndall, speaking of the
painless death by electricity, remarked that
Franklin was twice struck senseless by the
shock. He afterwards sent the discharge
of two large jars through six robust men,
who fell to the ground and got up again
without knowing what had happened,
neither hearing nor feeling the discharge ;
and Priestly, too, who made many valuable
contributions to electricity, received the
charge of two jars, but did not find it pain
ful. Prof. Tyndall said this experience
agreed with his own, that, in the theatre of
the Royal Institution, and in the presence
of an audience, he once received the dis
charge of a battery of 15 Leyden jars.
Unlike Franklin's six men, he did not fall,
but, like them, he felt nothing; he was sim
ply extinguished for a sensible interval.
This may be regarded as an experimental
proof that people killed by lightning suffer
no pain. Now, the measured velocity of
electricity is many thousand times greater
than the measured velocity of sensation in
the nerves. Hence the electrical concus
sion reaches the centre of life without any
possible announcement by the eye or ear or
sense of feeling. There is abundant evi
dence that death by a rifle ball traversing
the brain is for the same reason entirely
without consciousness or pain. A rifle ball,
however, is a tortoise compared with the
electric flash.
The Health of Women.
One item of advice which is given by all
the better class of writers upon the health
of women can not be loo highly approved or
too faithfully followed. It is as to the im
portance of exercise in the open air and on
foot. Women are not made to bear physi
cal fatigue as men are; but none the less
are laziness and living in close rooms inju
rious to their personal appearance. Carriage-riding
is too lazy an exercise to do
much good. Exercise implies personal ex
ertion the use of one's own limbs ; and
three, four, five, or six miles a day is not
any too much for a woman in respectable
health. How many American women take,
every day or thrice, or twice, or once a
week, in open air even a three-mile walk,
or exercise equivalent to it ? Very few, as
we all know ; and until they do so they
must expect to have indigestion, and head
ache, and "nerves," and to suffer from
weakness peculiar to their sex. What our
women need is, not instruction in the min
utiai of anatomy and physiology, not an ac
quaintance with the symptoms of diseases,
but inducements to lead such a manner of
life as will make such knowledge almost
superfluous to them, because their health is
so sound, and the performance of their pe
culiar functions is so natural and so orderly.
This is the case with the women of most
other countries, and generally with the
women of the poorer classes in all countries.
If mothers will see that their daughters
live wholesome lives do not over-study,
do not weaken themselves by dissipation
and excitement and that they take open
air exercise every day without fear of soil
ing their shoes or their bonnets because of a
little rain, Nature will do and teach all the
rest that is necessary.
An aged man arose in oue of Mr
Moody's prayer-meetings in Boston and
asked for prayers for an unconverted wife.
"How long have you been a Christian ?"
asked the evangelist. "Thirty-five years,"
was the reply. "And she not converted in
all that time?" was the quiet remark of
Mr Moody. The man was touched with
the reply, and before the meeting closed
asked for prayers for himself.
A tramp was arrested in New Jer
sey last week, taken before a magistrate,
and sentenced for three months. The
justice, in explaining the sentence remarked
that, while there was no evidence that the
prisoner had been guilty of any crime, he
thought it prudent to commit him, a3 he
had the wild, haggard look of a man about
to start a newspaper. Brooklyn Argus.
Gambling Prohibited. Maine has pro
hibited pool selling and lotteries within
her boundaries, and the law applies es
pecially to schemes of chance in Church
Fairs.
The Story of a Bank Cashier's Ruin.
R.T.Taylor, the Cashier of the First
National Bank of Franklin, Indiana, who
stole the funds of the Bank and ran away,
and has now returned insane, left the fol
lowing letter to the President of the Bank:
"I am ruined. Your Bank is ruined. It
was not intentional on my part. I was led
into speculations by other parties until we
had lost heavily, and then to try and make
back losses went in it so heavily that I lost
all the Bank was worth. I will explain that
the loss to the stockholders is not so heavy,
as the books will show. For the reason, to
hold my position, I have been making seven
per centum dividends twice a year when
we have not made half of it ; but for the
past three years I have been adding to the
earnings a fictitious sura of at least 10,000
per annum, making $30,000 that have been,
received in dividends that have not been
made. It would have been a good thing
for you had Elmore been your Cashier, for
he is honest and his books are correct to a
cent. He can show up to the satisfaction
of the stockholders. I regret it very much
on his account. He is not to blame. He
knew nothing of my doings. I have kept
him in the dark. My family are not to
blame. I have kept them in ignorance.
Do not worry them. I have but little pro
perty left. The house we live in and all
the lurniture belongs to my mother-in-law.
She, too, will lose by me a considerable
sum. I do not wish you to blame my
family. They are not to blame.
What I have done was not for any dis
honest purpose. I never intended it should
come to this. It was done to save my
credit. I have beeu led to it by others to
help to keep them up, and have ruined my
self and the Bank. I regret it very much
on account of customers. They have been
kind to us and we have been popular in all
our business. It is too bad. 1 want you
not to blame El more or Joe. They have
been kept in ignorance as to the condition
of the Bank. I have done many dishonest
things for the past three years to keep our
doors open, which will now come to light,
hoping that something would turn up that
I could arrange it and pay all up and cover
my frauds. But times have got so close,
and our credit is, not so good, I cannot
longer keep the business up. You have all
been kind to me, and the confidence has
been abused, not from choice. I regret it
worse than y on can.
Oh, may God pardon me and save me
from the great wiong committed! I can
not dwell longer. Try and save the reputa
tion of all the others connected with the
Bank ; they are not to blame. I leave for
where God only knows, and if I can I will
try and make up as much as I can, or all
of the losses, and pay them back. Every
dollar I make I will turn to my account,
and when I find I cannot do anything, I
will then give up the cause and let matters
take their course.
Thanking you for all you have done for
me, and for what you have been, lam your
ruined friend, R. T. Taylor,
late Cashier."
Cruel Management of young Children.
Young children will learn to creep, to
stand on their feet, to move their limbs and
to walk just as soon as their bones are suffi
ciently firm and their muscles properly de
veloped to perform all that is required of
these parts when efforts are made to stand
erect or to walk. It will be superlative
folly for any one to attempt to compel a
young child to use its limbs before the
bones have acquired solidity and the mus
cles are clothed with strength. It is as
much a practical impossibility as it is to
make a piece of limber cord stand erect.
The bones, ligaments, cartilages and mus
cles are yet weak and not able to uphold
themselves without harm. The bones of
infants are flexible. They are imperfectly
developed. They contain but a small per
centage of lime, not enough to render the
bones so firm and stiff as to warrant any
great amount of physical exertion. Of
course infants must get the use of all their
muscles by exposing them. We wish only
to caution nurses and mothers against doing
this at too early a period of infantile life.
How many infants are ruined or killed in
this way, heaven only knows. Let young
mothers remember this one thing, that a
child will creep, stand alone and walk just
as soon as the limbs have acquired the neces
sary strength; but no sooner.
Business Training.
It takes a sound body to make a sound
mind. Work is not vulgar. So long as
the brain needs the juices of the body, so
long will hard work be the fundamental ele
ment in the development of the mind.
Business is eminently fit for a man of
genius, and to earn a livelihood is the best
way to sharpen one's wits. Besides, busi
ness affairs offer better opportunities at
present than the so-called professions.
Therefore our youth should be thoroughly
and practically trained for business, in or
der that they may succeed and become a
credit to whatever calling they may adopt.
At the same time they should be educated
not to despise labor; for, after all, it is only
by hard work that we achieve any success
worthy of the name.
.
Sue Didn't Stand Up. At one of the
Detroit churches where a revival is in pro
gress the clergyman asked those who want
ed to be prayed for to stand up. Quite
a nnmber rose to their feet, and after
services were closed one lady was heard
asking another at the door: "Why didn't
you stand up?" "Oh, I didn't want to,"
was the reply. "Why, you are a very
foolish woman. I wouldn't have missed
the opportunity for anything." "Oppor
tunity for what ?" "Why, for standing up
there and showing off your sealskin sacque I
There wasn't another in the whole church."
Cross Examining: Witnesses.
A quick and ready wit is an almost indis
pensable endowment in a good cross-examining
counsel, but the quickest and readiest
sometimes finds his match. "Oh, you say
this gentleman was about fifty-five," said
Canning to a pert young woman in the wit
ness-box, "and I suppose now yon consider
yourself a pretty good judge of ages, eb ?
Ah, just so. Well, now, how old should
you take me to be ?" ' '
uJadging by your appearance, air," re
plied the witness, "I should take you to be
about sixty, but by your question, I should
suppose you were about sixteen."
Whether counsel had any more questions
for this lady is not recorded.' A particu
larly witty reply was once made by a well
known English architect, who had been
giving an important opinion, and whose pro
lessioual, status Mr Sergeant Garrow, the
opposing counsel, was anxious to depreciate.
"ou are a builder, I believe," began the
Sergeant. "No, sir, I am not a builder. I
am an architect." "Ah, well, builder or
architect, architect or builder, they are
pretty much the same, I suppose." 'I beg
your pardon, sir, I can't admit that; I con
sider them to be totally different." "Ob,
indeed ; perhaps you will state wherein this
great difference consists." "An architect,
sir, conceives the design, prepares the plans,
draws out the specifications in short sup
plies the mind. The builder is merely the
machine; the architect the power that puts
the machine together and sets it going."
"Oh, very well Mr Architect, that will do;
a very ingenious distinctipn, without a dif
ference. Do you happen to know who was
the architect of the Tower of Babel?"
"There was no architect, sir," replied the
witness, "hence the confusion there."
Testing Her Affections.
Mr Thorpe is a middle-aged widower, and
some time ago he paid his addresses to Mrs.
Bolts, a widow on the shady side of forty.
Thorpe is rich, and after the widow accept
ed him, he began to fear that maybe she
had taken him for his money, and so he
concluded to test her to ascertain if she
really loved him for himself alone. So one
evening, when they were sitting together
in the parlor, he said to her :
"Hanuah, I've something unpleasant to
tell you, but I am going to do it because I
consider it right that you should know it.
Hannah, what would you say if I informed
you that one of my kneepans was gone, and
that I have a patent hinge on that leg?
"I should say that I cared nothing for
that, my dear. I have only one toe on my
left foot. The others were frostbitten ofi,
and the ankle of that foot is all twisted
around crooked."
"You don't tell me so !" said Thorpe.
"Well, but I've something worse than that.
I might as well confess now that the bald
place on top of my head is not really my
scalp, I've been trepanned I have a silver
plated concern set into my skull, a kind of
sky-light. You can lift it up and see down
on the inside of me."
"I'm glad you mentioned it, my dear,"
said the widow, "for it gives me courage to
tell you that I have not a hair of my own
on my head. I'm as bald as a chandelier
globe."
"Is that so? Gracious! 1 never should
have suspected it. But you will be sur
prised to learn that none of my teeth are
natural. All are false, and besides that, I
have to wear an India rubber thing-amagig
on my palate to keep it from dropping down."
'Tin very sorry for you, John, but it's
some comfort that all my teeth are false too,
and that I am perfectly blind in my right
eye. It looks like a good eye, but it abso
iutely ain't worth a cent."
"Great Heavens I Why didn't you tell
me of this before ?" exclaimed Thorpe.
"But while we are on this subject, I will say
further that I have chronic torpidity of the
liver, and that my breast-bone is disjointed
so that it sticks out like a chicken's. How
does that strike you ?"
"O, I don't mind it," said Mrs. Botts,
"because I have been bilious and dyspeptic
for twenty years ; I have a wen on the back
of my neck, and besides I am one rib short.
It was broken in a Railroad accident, and
the doctor had to cut it out. I'm subject
to fits too."
"This is horrible," said Thorpe. "Mrs.
Botts, I think you ought to have mentioned
these things to me when I proposed to you.
I imagined that I was addressing a woman,
a complete human creature. But what are
you, Mrs. Botts, you appear to me to be a
kind of a dilapidated old wreck, with not
more'n half of the usual machinery about
you. It's a wonder to rae you don't fall to
pieces."
"1 am no more of an old wreck than yon
are. You said yourself that von have a
trap-door in the top of your head and a
gum-elastic palate, and I don't know but
what you have to wind yourself up with a
key at night when you go to bed, to keep
you'iself running until the next morning.''
"Yes, but these things ain't true," said
Thorpe. "I only told yon about them to
see if you really loved me. I'm as sound
as a dollar ; no inactive liver, or silver
plated skull, or any thing. But yon seem
to be kind of strung together, bo's if you
should knock against any thing you'd scat
ter all around over the carpet. I think you
ought to Itt me off."
"Very well, sir, so I will. Bat let me
tell you that I've got nothing the matter
with me either. I only invented those
stories to try you, because I knew you were
playing a game on mc. Now I know you
don't love me. You can go, sir."
"Hannah, I take it all back. I do love
you."
"Do you, really ? Then I love you more
than"
But no; the curtain had better bo drawn
right here. The cold and selfish world has
no business with such scenes as this. They
are to be consolidated early next month
II