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JOSEPH W. HAMPTON,
riic powers grantKil under tlic Constitution, being derived from the People of the United Stites, mny be resumed hy them, whenever perverted to their injury or oppression.”—HJadison.
-Editor andl Publiclu r.
VOLUME I,
CHARLOTTE, N. C, DECEMBER 14, 1841.
^ NUMBER 40.
„ oqi Mecldenburi^ Jeffersonian'^ is published weekly, at
Tiro Dollars and Fifty Cents, if paid in advance; or 'J'hrce
Dollars, if not paid before tl»e expiration of thuke months
from the time of subscribing. Any person who will procure
si.r subscribers and become responsible lor their subscriptions,
sliall have a copy of the paper gratis or, a club of ten sub
scribers may have the paper one year for Ticcnty Dollars in
advance.
No paper will be discontiuUL-d while the subscnbt-r owes any
thing, if he is able to payand a I'niUu-e to notify tlie Iv.litor
of a wish to discontimie at least oni; month b. iur*: the t xpira-
tion of the time paid for, will be considi rod a new enga;r>;meut.
Oriuiiial Subscribers will not b ■ allowed to (iis-i»ni;uuj the
panel'V-fore the cxpirati..u ofthe ihvM year without paying lor
a full year’s subscription. .
Adca-n.emiuls will be coaspiciiou.-ly and correctly uis.^rt-
,-a at Unc Dui:ar\-)^'r s.iuarc t)r ihe first nisi-riion, an.! J ic^n-
i.i-tii'c ('cuts fortaeh continuance—exapt Court and oth.r
,udicial advertisonients which wi’l be charged tircntii-fa-eper
ccnt. higher than the above rat... (owunr to the d. lay,
lally, atti'udant upon colleetion.'). A ul'L-rid uiseountv.i i'
made to those who advertise by the year. Advertisements sent
in for publication, must be mnrkrd with th.- numbvr ol inser
tions desired, or tliL-y will bo pubhsli^d uuiu iorbid and charg
ed acf'ordingly.
^ Letters to the K.Ktor, unkss containhig money in sunif=
of Five Dollar.^, or ov- r, nui.st coin-' free of postage, or the
amount paid at the otli. o h.-re will i-.diarg.d to the writer,
in cverv instanc:', and c.-Ilo. :-d us other accounts
W eekly Atniaiuu' i';ir Deceiu'ocr, ib l 1
1^'iiiauccs of Nortii Carolina.
DA VS.
14 I'uesday,
15 NN ediifsJay,
lb Thursday,
17 Friday,
H Saturday,
19 .Sunday,
I'O .Monday.
Svs
StN 1
jjuoy’s
RISE
PET.
VI 7
4 '
12 7
■1 3-
7
-1 ;';t
T.a.'-t Qu irtor,
! ■> 7
■1 57
AlW .I'lUJll
i:i 7
i 57
First (.luart'.r,
lA 7
4 57
Full
U 7
1 37 1
I). II.
31.
0 M.
I'j )•:.
3 j jC.
10 jl.
From the Fayetteville Observer.
FINANCES OF NORTH CAROLINA.
The Governor of the State has just published, in
the Raleigh Register, the Con)ptro!ier’s and Tretisu-
rer’s staleuients of fheir accounts for the year end
ing Nov. 1st, 3841. These siatenients are very leng,
as they necessarily enter into particulars; but we
can give our readers a proper understanding of them
by a brief abstract.
The- Literacy ]\n:d.—The receipts on account ol
b’und consist of—
Bailance on hand, Nov. 1, 1840, 78.007 06
Knirios ol'\'acanl Land.s, 5.7G1 21
Koanoke .\avigalion Dividends, 2,250 00
Pj'inLipal on loans by Literary Board, 28,294 44
InUM’c’st rccc'iveil on loans, 6,426 61
Intl. rest on loans by Int. Itnp. Boanl, 1,510 52
Interest on Honds ol’Wilmington R. R. Co. 2.550 00
)nt. Oil Boiil:' of Ral. & Gaston R. R. Co. 8,400 00
TaviTn Tax received from Shcrills, 2.777 47
Auction Tax, &c. 160 77
Bank Dividends, liank of the State, 31.250 00
Bank Dividends, Bank of Cape Fear, 31,932 00
S 199,620 08
The Disbursements on account of this Fund have
been,—
Paid to Counties fur Common Schools, $32,836 12
Draining Swamp Lands, 47,513 82
Kxpcnses of Literary Board, 1,313 83
Atlornies' Fees. ('K rk, Printing, &c. 172 00
Loans by Literary Board, 10,819 90
$92,655 67
Leavi:!'’-a balancc on hand to the credit of this
Fuml,of" §106,964 41
:n(3T1CE to
£ oinnuii
lic^c C t oinniiltcCcN.
LJcrual Liprovtiiient /The Receipts on ac
count of this Fund consist of—
From Cherokee Bonds, $12,288 3
i3ank Dividend:^. (Bank Cape Fear) 672 00
Principal on loan:; by Int. Imp. Board, 3,329 21
illE Board of Superintendents of Connnon
_sa_ Schools for Mcckknlnig County: hereby no-
tiiV the School ComtniUces in the several Libtiirt.^.
that a meeting ol the Board will be held at L-iuu-
lotte, on Tuesday of the ensuing January Court,—
at which lime the said CommiUees are required to
make a Report ol‘ the number of Cinldren in their
respective Districts. In those Districts where no
ele -tion has been heUl for Committee-men, the ^ a-
cai.cy v.-ill be lilled by the Board at tlie meeting as
above a}>ponited. Returns should be addressed to
the - Chairman ofthe Board of Common fecliool
('ommissioners,'' and may be lelt, pre\ iovis^to the
Court, either with the undersigiv'd. or wilii Charles
T Alexander Esq., Clerk of tUe Covmty Court, m
Charlotte. ' WM- Wii.SON: t:iuurman.
December 7, ISU.
53^ Charlotte JoLimal, copy.
$16,283 94
Tiie Disbt'.rsemenls from this Fund conuist
E.':j)enses of the I'ioard, S-60 5
Commissioner of Nantahala Mountain
Road, 00
Birdsall, Clerk to Int. Imp. Board. 222 00
Discount on Georgia Bank Note.s, »S:c. 16 50
Survev of Nag’s Head, 130 00
Balance due Treasurer of Int. Imp. Fund. |
oa 1st Nov. ISIO. 2,172 73
cases fall within your knovledge, 1 desire that they
shall be made the subject.of spccial report.
Great carelessness in lie opening and keeping
the mail in insecure places and permitting persons,
other than the Postmaster, or his sworn assistants,
to liave access to the samew’hen opening or after it
is opened, has been charged, in general terms, upon
many of the Postmasters ia the small to*vns and vil
lages. This evil must be corrected, and when you
have evidence of the fact, it is expected you will
make it known to the Department, that the only ef
ficient remedy may be applied. 1 will not continue
in ollice those who wMll not themselves give their
time and attention to the die;charge of its duties, or
who violate or who suffer violations of the rules of
the Department in opening and distributing the
mail.
It is also desirable that vou observe the deport
ment of all carriers and dri-^ers of mails, and report
any misconduct arising from wilful negligence or
carelessness and inattention to their duties to tli^-ir
employers and to the Department.
Many complaints have been made against the
agents or travelling Postmasters on railroad routes:
you are expected to observe the conduct of such as
nr.iy fall w’ithin the range of your supervision.
Information has been communicuted to tliis De
partment that «lrivers and carriers of the mail, on
the niore distant and unimportant routes, are in the
habit of carrying letters ni violation of law, there
by lessening the income of the Department. As
this may be done in ignorancc of the law, you will
inform and instruct the contractors to charge tiie
carrier-s anti drivers not to violate the law in this
particular. The act of 1825, section 20. directs that
all the carriers shall deliver such letters, whether
sealed or unsealed, to the first Post Ollice at which
they arrive after receiving tliem, and the Postmas
ter is directed to rate and charge the postage.
If you become satisfied that any Post-Otlice is not
of public utility, and not rcijuired for the public ac
commodation, you will report that fact and the rea
sons for the opinion.
Upon the active exertion and vigilant supervision
of the Spccial Agents of this Department, mainly
dejiend the regularity, security and efficiency of
mail transportation, and I cannot too strongly im-
Eress uj)on you the importance and high responsi-
ility of your stations, li ia to you the Postmaster-
General must look lor accurate uiformation upon all
subject.s pertaining to tlie outdoor opt^rations of the
Department. Give me your ellicient aid, and I do
not despair of making the Post-Oflice Department
eminently useful and popular.
Very respectfully,
Your obedient servant,
C. A. WICKLIFFE.
V aricty.
From the Uncle Sam.
WON’T TAKE TWENTY DOLLARS.
Some w'aggish students at Yale College, a few
years sitice, were regaling themselves one evening
at the “Tontine,” when an old farmer from the
country entered their room (taking it for the bar
room,) and inquired if he could obtain lodging there.
The young chaps immeiliately answered him in the
afrirniative, inviting him to take a glass of punch.
The old fellow, wdio w’as a shrewd Yankee, saw at
once, that he was to be made the butt of their ]ests,
but quietly laying of his hat and telling a w’orthless
little dog he had with him to lie under the chair, he
took a glass of the profiered beverage. The stu
dents anxiously inquired after the health of the old
man’s wife and children, and the farmer, with afi'ec-
ed simplicity, gave them the whole pedigree, with
nvimerous anecdotes regarding his farm, stock, &c.
&c.
Do you belong to the church ?”
the watra.
$2,934 98
13,334 96
1* O E T R Y .
HOW Sr.LFlriil ARK OUIl TlLAllS '.
How s. Ui^h aru our iLtirs!
r>IhiG would not be reprLsscd v.’heii fii..- t I icaru'-d
'i'hv radiant soul had to Us luine return^
}2nrth’s palii and toy and fer,r
Behind thee cast, as from its euiubrous clay
The spirit leaped cxultingly away!
Was it for tluf, sweet iri nd,
fShihss and sainud ! that my checks w. re wet,
Vnd inv days dark: uod witii a \ani regrc^,
A sorrov/ without eiiu ?
Xol fur 1 knew that thou haJst found thy re-t
Wh. re !^l'.am th^ ‘many nianslous’ of thj bl,=i!
Vci from iiiy spirit passed
(r^adn>s V. hell tiiou wert gouc—and hop*' was dead ;
Froiii tlio gr.'i'n earth with thee had beauty tied;
The sky was overcast
With clouds whose mutterings w. re* alouo of v.rath,
And the sick sun shone dimly oer my i.adi.
Wo for the heart which lays
It is all of love upon an earthly siirin-'!
Its altar shall be shattered, as v.as m.iK,
And the bright hope which plays
Around the ruins, fade in cold desi)air,
Leaving a double de:-. hiion there.
Too well 1 loved thee!—ay,
CaU it idolatry, the deep, the iiiteii.-e,
O’er mastering passion ! but thou hast gone henc:',
Up to tliy home on high /
Oh ! seUish sorrow! for my tears are shed
rsot for tluj sake, beloved : thou ai t not dead !
Thou art not dead ! The light
Which shone around thee ore thy work was done,
The grave quenched not: in realms beyond the sun
It beams with lustre bright,
Caughtfrom the “ Great Whlto Throne,” whose steps before
Anthems of praise resound for evermore !
The bitterness and gloom
Of sorrow unassuaged, the gnawing carc,
And the heart’s desolation none can share :
These enter not the tomb!
The dead sleep sweetly in their narrow bed ;
Why should the tear above their dust bo shed?
Canst thou not here me; thou
Whose ear caught greedily my faintest tone,
And beat thy heart responsive to my own ?
I kneel and lift my brow
To thy starlight, and with fervent prayer,
Whisper thy name to the caressing air !
In vain—I list in vain
For the low answer which was wont to thrill
My heart like life '.—that tone of love is still,
Never to wake again!
Yet from thy starry mansion, it may be,
Thine eye still lingers lovingly on me!
Then will I gird my soul
With calm endurance, and await the time
When 1 may meet thee in a happier clime,
Where grief hath no control.
Not vninly are these passionate yearnings given,
So that thev lead us to Love’s brighter Heaven:
Leaving a balancc to the credit of thi;
Fund, Ol’
The PnhUc Z’V?k/.—The Receipts of the Treasu
ry proper, applicable to t!ie oidinary demands on tlio
'rrcasurj’, are as follows:
Balance on han:l, Nov. 1, 1S40, $22,811 31
Kec’d of Sheriffs. Public Tax for 1810, 78,808 04
Bank Tax, Bank Cape Fear, 2.389 00
Bank of State, 2,250 00
Bank of Ncwbern, 552 50
Sale of Revi.^ied Statutes, 587 33
Dividends 10 .shares C. F. Slock, 60 00
Sale of L'.ind, Occ. 8^
Dividend Bumcombe Turnpike. 500 00
S 108.399
The Disbursements consist of
Executive Dep't, Governor’s Salary $2,000
Private Secretary’s do. 300
Treasury do. Treasurer’s Salary, 1.500
Clerks’ do. 500
State do. Secretary’s Salary. 800
Comptroller's Salary, 1.000
Adjutant General’s do. 197
Judiciary—3 Supreme Court Judges,
7 Circuit Court Judges, 13,650
Attorney General and 6 Solicitors, 3,020
Reporter, Clerk, ALirsbal. &.c. to Su
preme Court, and printing Reports, 2,982
Pensioners, 800
Public Printing and Advertising,
W'eiglits and Measures, 47
Repairs of Government House,
Presidential Election, 1,713
Govenor’s P^lection, 20
Postage, dillerent Departments, 558
Treasury Notes Burnt, ^ 355
Rebuilding Capitol, 30,513
('ouncil ol State, 81
Sup’t Public Buddings, 138
Public Library, ^34
Congressional Elections, -j05
Shenfls for settling Taxes. 1,134
Coiitingencies, 6,332
Legislature, 37,058
98
00
00
00
00
00
00
67
00
00
00
09
50
51
60
66
36
00
99
45
33
80
33
35
46
31
51
56
$118,704 48
Exce.«s of payments over the receipts,
from this Fund, $10,304 50
•Vmount due Literary Fund, on 1st. Nov.
ibii. 41
Do. 'internal Improvement Fund, 13,351 96
$120,319 37
Deduct amount due Public Treasurer,
1st November, 1841, 10,304 50
Leaves a balance in the hands of Public
Treasurer, 1st Nov. 1841, $110,014 87
Horrible Murder.—'I'he Athens (Tenn.) Courier
brings us the details of a most horrible murder,
which was perpetrated a: the house of Mr. John
McMahan, about four miles north of that town, in
the forenoon of iMonday, November 15, 1841.—
The victi.msof this enormo»’S outrage were the wife,
an;ed about 35, and llie daughter, 13, of Mr. Mc
Mahan, a most respectable family. Two of Mr.
M.’s black boys, Jim and Pete, are implicated in
the murder.
On Monday morning Mr. M. started to Decatur,
Meigs countv, taking Jim with him. His two lit
tle sons also went to school, leaving only Mrs. M.,
her daughter and an infant, beginning to w'alk, at
home with Pete. About 10 o’clock, r. m., Mr.
Hamilton called at Mr. M.’s gate—saw a woman
lying on the kitchen floor, but no one answ-'ered his
repealed calls. lie thought it strange that the wo
man should be lying there and not answer his calls,
but apprehended nothing serious and passed on, and
presently met v.’ith two men to whom he related the
circumstance—they took no alarm. He stopped at
a house about two miles from Mr. M.’s and again
related the circumstance. From this place they
went imiuediately to INIr. M ’s, and discovered the
murder. It was about two o’clock, and four hotirs
after the deed had been consummated.
The infant had been about its mother—its foot
prints from tlio blood were all over th“ floor. It
had finally gone into the kitch^'n and is f >und fit
ting on the body of its sister. Poor clidd !
Information was immediately des|)titched to Mr.
M. As he was about starting- home. Jim whom he
was leavin;^ with the wagon, told him net to go
home bv himself or he wotild b(> killed too. lli:s ^
expression, induced by nothing but tae woi'k:;igs ui
Jim's own mir.d, naturally excitt;d sus^ic on as to
him. He \vas accordingly arrt'.sted. He at first
denied knowing any thing of the murder. Being
asked why then did hu warn his muster, he r'plied
that he said that before he thought of it. This w-^nt
to confirm th^ suspicion. Jim afterwards conftssi d
that Pete and himself had formed a plot to kill all
the family but the child, i h^tt IVte on IVIoftday
was to kUl those at home, and then w'ay-lay the
road at a particular hill and as Mr. M. w'ould be
stopping to prop the u’agon, they w^ere to knock him
in the head, and then make their cscape to a free
State. Jim is in jail. Pete was seen, as supposed,
after he had completed the deed, going from the
house to the stable, and again actors the field to the
back of the plantation. Diligent and extensive
search has been kept up for him, but as yet he has
not been arrested nor certainl}" heard of
asked one of
“Yes, the Lord be praised, and so did my father
before me.”
“ Well, 1 suppose you would not tell a lie,” re-
jdied the student.
‘•Not for the world," added the farmer.
“‘Now, what will you take for that dog?” point
ing to the larmer’s cur who w'as not worth his weight
in Jersey mud.
‘‘ I would not take twenty dollars for that dog.”
‘•Twenty dollars! why he is not worth twenty
cents.”
Well, 1 assure you I would not take twenty dol
lars for him.”
Come, my friend,” said the student, who, with
his companions, were bent on having some capital fun
with the old man. “No.v you say you w’on’t tell a
lie for the world, let me see if you will not do it for
twenty dollars. Pll give you twenty dollars for your
dog.”
•• I’ll not take it,” replied the farmer.
‘• You will not'f Here, let us see if this won’t
tempt you to tell a lie,” added the student, produ
cing a small bag of half dollars from which he com
menced counting numerous small piles upon the ta
ble. The farmer was sitting by the table with his
hat in his hand, apparently unconcerned. “ There,”
added the student, “ there are twenty dollars, all in
silver, I will give you that for your dog.”
The old farmer quietly raised his hat to the edge
of the table, and then, as quick as thought, scraped
all the money into it, except one half dollar, at the
same time exclainjing,
“ I won’t take your twenty dollars! Nineteen and
a half is as much us the dog is worth—he is your
property !”
A tremendous laugh f'rom his fellow students
showed the would-be-vvag, that he was completely
“ done up,” and that he need not look for help from
that quarter; so he good naturedly acknowledged
himself beat, insisted on the old farmer’s taking
CONJUGAL LOGIC.
“My dear, did you not buy a handsome shawl for
fitlty dollars ?” “Ves, my love.” “So I thought.”
—“ Well, it is lying on the floor in the other room.
As the times are hard, and I can scarcely pay my
notes, I hope you wdll be a little careful of your fine
clothing. “Oh, that is of no consequence, for the
shawl must be cleaned before it is used again.” “My
dear, one of the children has just thrown your hand
some shawl into the cistern.” “ Indeed, I am really
sorry, but it needed washing, and I will have it ta
ken out presently.” On the next day, the husband
desiring his lady to accompany him a short dis
tance into the country, she dressed for the purpose.
“My dear, why don’t you wear your new shawl
“It is not taken out of the cistern yet: I will attend^
to it, the first thing, when w^e come home.—You .
know^ I could not w^ear it all dripping w^et.” A week
afterwards, a servant hooked up the shawl bv acci
dent, with a cistern pole. This elegant article w*as
now transformed into a dirty rag, and punched full
of holes. “My dear, if you had taken it out when
I first mentioned it, all w'ould have been well.” “ Oh
no, my love, it would never have been fit to wear,
after being put into that muddy cistern.” “ But, my
dear, if you had picked it off the floor when I first
mentioned it, it would never have got into the cis
tern.” “ I suppose it dropped from the table where
it was laid, which I am sure could not be helped.'
“But, my dear, if you had put it in its proper
when you first look it otij it w’ould never have fallen
from the table.” ‘‘And if I had kept myself in my
proper place, 1 never should have been the compan
ion of such a wretched, miserly, busy botly as your-^
self.”—“My dear, you are always too dilatory. It
you had not deferred that speech until after our mar
riage, you never wotild have been taken irom the
arms of your beggerly old father.” “ Then I never
should have gone from under the protection of a
gentleman to shelter under the roof of a fellow.”
“ I wonder, my dear, how a lauy of your refined and
exalted notions can continue under the rt^af oi a/eZ-
loioy “You w’ill give me time for the horses to be
put in the carriage.” She rings and orders the car
riage, puts on her things, and moves slowly towards
the door.—“My dear, are you really going ?” “Yes,
but why do you speak so kindly, if you hate me? ’
“ I did not say that I hated you. my dear.” ‘* Did
you not ? But the shawl.” ‘‘ Let that go, my dear.
It is not worth a thought.” “Now you speak like
yourself'. W’^hat a dear love.” They kissed alTec-
tionately. After this little scene the lady always did
as she pleased with her shawl ; and her dear love, ’
compounded with his creditors, in a fev.* montlis;,
while his loving wile ran cH'with a Colonel.
Sunday Morning Atlas.
another glass, and|tfie\’- parted in great glee, the stu
dent retaining his dog, which lie keeps to this day,
as a lesson to him never to attempt to play tricks on
men ohb^r than himself, and especially to be careful
how he tries to wheedle a Yankee farmer.
Knoxville Argus.
THE POST OFFICE DEPARTMENT.
The following circular has been transmitted by
the Postmaster-General to the special agents of the
Department. The abuses to which the Postmaster-
General refers have been practised to no mconside-
rable extent, and it is to be hoped they are now t.o be
broucrht to speedy correction and terimnation. The
vi.nlMcc, sagacity and economy, which Ihe new
head of this important and comprehensive bench of
the service has brought into the office, will, ^yc trust,
restore it to the fullest prosperity and usefulness.
Mad isonian.
Circular Letter to the Spccial Agents of the Post
Office Department.
Post Office Department,
November 4th, 1841.
Sir - To tlie duties assigned you by any former
instructions, as Special and Confidential Agent of
this Department, I desire to add, that of ^tnctly ob-
servin^ the manner m which the Post Offices are
kept in the section and along the lines of route you
mav be called to inspect and travel.
The Postmaster-General expects that every Post
Office, whatever may be its importance, sha I be at
tended to or supervised by the Deputy Postmaster.
The practice which, 1 regret to learn, has obtained
in miliy portions of the U. S., pf one man holding
the commission of Postmaster, whilst another dis
charges its duties, must be 8toj>ped ; and w-hen such
Diielling.—lx^ ridicule of this practice, Dr.
Franklin used to tell the follownig story : One per
son said to another in a Coffee House, ‘-Sir,^sit a
little farther ofi', you smell offensively.” “ Sir, an
swered the person addressed, “ that is an affront,
and you must fight me.” I fight if you m-
sist upon it,” rejoined the first, “but how will that
mend the matter ? If you kill me, I shall smell too,
and if I kill you, you will smell worse than you do
at present.”
A humorous young man was driving a horse
which was in the habit of stopping at every house
on the road side; passing a country tavern, where
was collected together some dozen countrymen, the
beast as usual ran opposite the door and stopped,
in spite of the young man, who, applying the whip
with all his might to drive the horse on, the men
on the porch comniehccd a hearty laugh, and some
enquired if he would sell that horse? “Yes,
said the young man, “ but I cannot recommend
him, as he has belonged to a butcher, and wiil stop
when he hears calvcs bleat.” The crowd retired
to the bar la silence.
A PUN BY A PADDY.
A boss builder, who had some men employed in
lifting an old Spanish constructed house yesienlay
in Burgundy street, met with a slight accident,
which had the effect of raising a small bump on his
cranium, just where that of casual!ty should be : it
giv’es rise to a pun, too, on the part of one of that
l ising portion of our community—an Irish hod car
rier.
As the “ boss ” was descending from the roof, one
of his hands” let a brick inadvertently fall, which
at the moment stunned him severely. Finding it
was done unintentionally, he let the ebullition of his
wrath escape by bestowing a few execrations on
Irish awkwardness. As soon as the boss withdrew,
one of the laborers, who ascended the “ topmost
round ofthe ladder” and deposited his mortar on
the scaffold, turned to him who w^as the object of the
present reproachful epithets, and in a poke-me-un-
der-iiie-f:»tli-rib kind o.' humor, said—
••Jtrry Jerry, it is’nt fiere you ought to be at all
ut ail ; nathur was chayted outiv acr intintions alto-
oether intirely wlien you was put to your prisint im-
ployment—it does’nt shoot (suit) your gaynus—you
arc* like a drunken man at a timperance mating, or
a miinber ofthe universal Payee Society at an Irish
fair. A:= Jim Mol)V. ^oy s iivj wheii he found a stray
/• V- ! in ti/e ^-arisii pound—“It is’nt at
i.ume ye uii’- . : y^Jur prlL i!it suuation.’”
“ What do you mane by all this goster?^’ said Jer-
rv. ,
' ‘-Why, I mane,” said the other, “that ye ought
to be a mimber of Congress, makin’ motions in
Washington instead of makin’ morther in Arlayus—
instead of being an assistant slayther, you ought to
be a le^islathur—and instead of bein’ an ordinary
mimber^of the /iOfZ-fellows society, you’d rnake a
mighty purthey mimber of the national society for
th(Tdili'usion of legal knowledge.”
“ Well, then, do you know% Tim,” said the recipi
ent of this string of complimeais, “ do you know Tim,
that since the time I used to lay plans for pay thin
the poylice, 1 always thought I had a little talent in
that way—that 1 could’nt fail to make a good oppy-
sishun mimber—but, thin, I hav’nt the larnin.’”
“Divila matter about that,” said Tim, “it doesn’t
require a man to know flucshuns, and conisecshuns,
and thrio-enomethry, and all them dead languages^
to be a fegislathur. The way you threw that last
brick at the boss, Jerry, convinces me that you can
head Captain Tyler betther than Botts, or Potts, or
whatever you call him, altogether intirelj%”
The very negroes present gave a yaw! yaw!
vaw! at the play upon words by Tim, or literal ap
plication of a political pun.
The Natches Courier Cell’s “sich a good ’^n ”
about a man’s losing his identity. It seems that Ma
jor D and Major Stimmell, two characters for
merly well known about Hinds county, met at Ray
mond, and were put in the same apartHient, imme-
dialelV over ihe bar-room. The former had just re
turned IVom Texas, and they concluded to assist the
relation of his adventures with a bottle of the m-
wairiable ” The bottle w'as not as full as it had been,
when Stimmell suddenly rolled down the steps, in
to the very midst of the occupants of the bar.
“ Why, major! is this you?” was the general cry:
“ Why^ no—that is—yes, sir,” said he with some
confusion’, as he slowly gathered himself up, “I
rathe.*- believe it is, now, I knew some Major had fell,
but I thought it was that d—d Texas Major.”
N. O Picayune.
Mothers and Daughters.—It was a judicious reso
lution of a father, as well as a most pleasing conapli-
ment to his wife, when on being asked by a friend
what he intended to do with his girls, he replied, I
intend to apprentice them all to their excellent moth
er that they mav learn the art of improving time,
and be fitted to‘'become like her—wives, mothers.
Ahsurditles.~"lo attempt to borrow money on the
plea of extreme poverty. To make yourself gene
rally disagreeable, and wonder no one will visits you
unless they gain some palpable advantage by it. To
sit shivering in the cold because you won t have a
fire till November. To suppose the reviewers gen
erally read more than the title-page of the u'orks
they praise or condemn. To keep your clerks on
miserable Kalarles, and v/onderaf their robbing you.
Not to go to bed vrhen you are tired and sleepy, be
cause it is not bedtime. To make your servants tell
lies for you, and afterwards be angry because they
tell lies for themselves.
To tell your own secrets, and believe other peo
ple will keep them. To render a man a service vo
luntarily, and expect him to be grateful for it. To
expect to make people honest by hardening them in
jail, and afterwards sending them adrift without the
means of getting work. To fancy a thing is cheap
because a low price is asked for it. To say ti man
is charitable because he subscribes to an hospittil.—-
To arrive at the age of fifty, and be surprise*.! at
any vice, folly, or absurdity your fellow creatures
fiiay he guilty of. To vote tor a ctindidate at au
election because he shakes hands with your wife
and child and admires the baby.
Old, hut good—.4 Tacitus.—A British East Intlia
Captain being sent to make a survey and report,
on a group of savage Islands, thus dispatched the
several heads of religion—manners, and customs.—
Beligion, apparently none. Manners.—none. Cus
tomSy—not fit to be described.
A village editor, visiting New York, was by mis
take, picked up and put in the bundle of an old wo
man who was out picking up rags.—//. Keciew.
When Milton v/as blind, he married a shrew.—
The Duke of Buckingham called her a rose. “I
am no judge of colors,” replied ^Iiltoii; •" but it mny
be so, lor I feel the thorns daily. ”
Really Small.—^' That is really the smallest horse
I ever saw,” said a countryman on viewing a Shet
land pony. “ Indade. now,” replied his Irish conipa-
nion, “but I’ve .saw one as small as two of him.”
heads of families and useful members of society.”
A Tars Timepiece.—An a thorough paced tar
was passing St. Paul’s the other day, the_ clock
struck twelve. Jack instinctively put his hand to his
pocket, and pulling out his newly bought w^atch, ex
claimed with evident satisfaction and a few nautical
embellishments, “ There! if this little chap has’nt
beat that great lazy lubber an hour 1”—Mechanic.
Dead or Pomp, what de debbil am
ob inkest.” “ Wal, de fact is, niggar—a jury ob ink-
est am a lot of fellars what sits down on a dead man
to find out whedder he am dead for sartin, or only
playing possum.”
Capital Punishmeiit.—^Qivig lussed to death by a
pretty girl.— Troy Budget.
The Mechanic.—The following beautiful aiticlo
ia from “ The Carpenter of Rouen,” a popular play:
The mechanic, sir, is one of God’s noblemen.
W’’hat have mechanic’s not done ? Have they not
opened the secret chambers of the mighty deep, ami
extracted its treasures, and made the raging billoAva
tlieir highway, on which they ride as on a tame
steed? Are not the elements ol fire and vvater
chained to the crank, and to the mechamc s bidding
compelled to turn it ? Have not mechanics opened
the bowels of the earth, and made its products con
tribute to his wants? The forked lightning is their
nKv-thintr: and they ride triumphant on the wings
of the ralf^hty winds. To the wise they are tlie
flood gates“of knowledge, and kings and queens are
decorated with their hand works: He who made
the Universe, was a great mechanic.
RaXher Sambo, are you willing to
be damned, if it be the Lord’s will ?” enquired a
Calvinist of a favorite colored servant. “O, yes
Massa, and more too: I willing to have you damn->
ed too, Massa,” was Sambo’s reply.
Fixe Facts.—A firm faith is ilie best divinity; a
ffood life the best philosophy; a clear conscience the
best law; honesty the best policy, and^teroperance
he begt physic.