LI IE ALAMANCE GLEANER,
VOL, 5
1 " ——
PUBLISHED WEEKLY BY
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- f- SCOTT A DONNEJX.
I Wm
school ;;
GRAH4.*i 'KyGi
REV. DA. LONG, A. M.
KK\. W" W.'SiTALiyr, A. M.
KEY. W. 8. LOMi, A. TU.
Opens August SWth 1878, and closes the last
Friday in May, 18TO ■ i.,r
lioard (8 to $lO and Tuition $3 to (4.60*
mrnmK ."V ,T. V
1 Wilmington
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*,
IKOTHEB'S r«H.
" "
''Tie plain tome," said the farmer's wife,
"These boys will make their uiarft ii> life;
They n«v« r were made to handle a hoe,
And at once to college they ought to go;
Yes, John and ELnry, 'lis clear to me,
Grgal men in this world are suru to be;
But Tom, he's little above a fool—
So John and Hinry must go to school."
"Nyw, really wife," quoth Farmer Browfc,
As he sets his mug of cider down,
"Tom does mora work in a day for me
Loth of his brothers do in three.
Book larolo' will, aever p'aut beans of oocn"
kor hoe potatoes, sure as you'r born—
Nor mend a rod of broken fence;
For my part, give me common Mnse "
But his wife the roost was Itouad to rule.
And so "the boys" were sett to school;
While Tom, of course, was left behind,
For his mother said he had no mind.
Five years at school the atudenU spent,
Then into business caoh owe went.
John learnt to play the fiuteand fiddle,
And parted his hair (of coarse) in the middle
Though his brother looked rather higher
than he,
And hung out his shingle—"H. Brown, M. D.
Meanwhile their brother Tom.
Had taken a "notion" into his-head,
Though he eaid not a word,but trimmed his trees
And hoed bis corn and sowed his peas;
But somehow, either by "hook or crook,"
He managed to read full many a book.
Well the war broke ont, and Captain Tom"
To battle a hundred soldiers led;
And when Ihe enemy's flag went down.
Came marching homers "General Brown."
But he went to work on the farm again,
Planted hif-corn and sowed his grain,
Repaired' the house and broken fence.
And people said he had "common Reese."
Now tomnioj sense was rather rare,
And the state honse needed a portion there;
So .ouf jgfamily doner' niiMd into town.
And the people.called him ■'Governor Brown,"
And bis brothers that went to city to ,
school, .1 j -• * " *•.;» ,
Came h'orttofeUve with "mothers fool."
—: — r ' -— : - :1
HOff HE WON TIIK WlDO^r.
t J |4'T morning,
as he sat stirring his coflee wkli one hand
And holding a plutn cake ou Irh knee with
ihe other,.and Jooking across the table
at his little wife; 4 »vonldnt It be a good
Dill Smiley to take
Widow Watson to Jlariitim's show next
week.
'You can't doit, Ed; he won't ask her;
he's awful shy. Why, he camp by here
ibe other morning when I waa hanging
Out clothes, and he looked Ovef the fence
aiuiapoke, but when I shjuk out a night
gottir he bluslied like a girl and went
away.'
■I think I can manage it,' said Ed.; but
I'll have to lie just a little. But then, it
wouldn't be much harm under such cir»
cnmstances, fur I know she likes him,
and he don't dislike Iter, but as you say,
he's BO shy. I'll ju§t go over to his placo
to borrow some bags of him, and if i
(lou't bag him betore I come back, dou't
kiss me lor a week to come. Nell.'
Sosayiiig, Ed. started, and while he is
mowing the fields, we will take a look
at Bill Smiley.
He was a rather good looking fellow
though his hair and whiskers showed
some gray, and he bad got in a set of
false teeth. But every one said he was
a good old soul, and so he was. He has
as good a hundred, acre larm as auy in
Norwich, aud a new house and everys
.thing comfortable, and if he wanted a
wife, many a girl would have jumped at
the chance, like a rooster on a grasshop
per.
But Bill was so bashtull—always was
—and when Susan Sherrybottle, whom
he was so sweet on, titough he never
said 'boo' to her, got married to old
Watson, he just drew his head in like a
inud turtle into bis shell, and there was
no getting it out again, though since she
has been a widow * again he had paid
more attention to his clothes, and had
been very regular in his attendance at
the church the lair widow attended.
But hero comes Ed. Wtlbtir.
■Good morning Mr. Smiley,'
'Good morning, Mr. Wilbur; what's (
the news your way ?'
'Oh, nothing particular that 1 know !
of,' said Ed. 'only Barnum's show, that j
everybody is talking about, and every-1
body and his gal arc going to. I was i
over to old Sockriders last night, and I'
„sce his son Gns'bas got a new buggy and \
was serabbing up bis harness', and he's 
got thoflphite faced colt of his as dick as
a seal. Tunderstand he thinks of taking
Widow Watson to the show. He has
been banging around there a good deal
of late, but I'd just like to cut him ont, I
would- Susan is a nice little woman,
and derservea a better man than that
young pup of a fellow, though I would
not blame ber much either if she takes
GRAHAM, N.C-, TU£SX>AJ MARCH 18 1879
him for elie'muat be dreaAful lonesome,
and then ban to let her farm oat on share*
and it isn't halt worked, and no one else
seems to have the spunk to speak to her.
By jingo, II I was a single man, I'd show
yon a iriuk or two.
So saying, Ed. borrowed some bags
and started around the coiner of the
barn, where he had left QUI. sweeping,
and put his ear to a knot bole and Us-'
tctied, knowing the bachelor h.ld a habit
chalking to himself when anything wots
ried hiin. i, J>'> V'n.t i '(
'Gontonnd that young Snckrider!' said
Bill; 'what business lias ho there. I'd like
tu know? Got a new bugjjy, has he!
Well, so have I, and new harness, too;
and his horse can't get light ofitiiuc, and
I declare I've half a mind to—yes, I will I
I'll jfo 11 lis very night and ask her to go
to tlie show with me. I'll show Ed Wil
ber that I ain't such a calf a» he thinks I
am, if I di.l let old Watson get the best of
me in the first place!'
Ed. could scarry help laughing onts
light? but he imstly pi:clied the bags
on his shoulders, and with a low chucklo
at Ids success, started home to tell tlie
news to Nelly; slid about five o'clock
that evening they saw Bill go by with
his horse and buggy, on his way to the
widow's. Ho jogged quietly along,
thinking of the old singing-school da* 8—
and what a pretty girl Susan was then,
and wondering inwardly if he would
have more courage to talk up to her—
until at a distance oi about a mile from
the house, he came to a bridge, when he
gave a tremendous sneeze, and blew his
teeth oat of his mouth and clear over the
dashboard, and striking on tlie plank,
they rolled ov«r the sido of the bridge
and droppud into four feet ot watei.,
Words cannot do justice to poor Bill
or paint the expression of his face as he
sat there completely dumbfounded at his
pioee of id-luck. Alter a while he step*
ped out of his buggy, and getting down
on Ids hands and kuees, looked over into
the water." Yes, there tiiey \yere, at the
bottom, with a crowd ot little fishesrub
bing their noses against them, and Bill
wished his nose was as closo
for one scrond. His beautiful teeth had
cost him so much, and, the show coming
on and no time to get another set—and
the widow and Socknder;
Well, ha mast try and get them some?
how, and no time to be lost, for some
one might come along and ask hiin what
ho was tooling around there for. lie
had no notion ot spoiling his clothes by
wading in with them on; aud besides, if
he did, he could not go the widow's that
night; so he took a look up and down
the road to see that no one was in sight,
and then undressed himself, la>ing his
clothes in the buggy to keop them
clean.
Then he ran around the bank and
waded into the almost icy cold water
but his teeth didn't chatter in his head
—he only wished they could. Quietly
lie waded along so as not to stir up the
mud, and when he got to the right 6pot
ho dropped under the wator aud came
np with the teeth iu his mouth. But
hark! What iioUa is thai? A wagon,
and a dog barking with all bis might,
airtf his horse is starting.
'Wlioal Whoa! Stop you brute, you,
stop!'
- But stop he would not, but went oft
at a sparkling pace, with the unfortunate
bachelor After him. Bill was certainly
iu a capital ruuiiing oostume, but though
he Btrained every nerve he could not
catch the buggy or reach the lines that
were dragging on the ground. Aftera
whilo his plug hat shook off the seat, and
the hind wheel went over it, making it
as flat as a pancake. Bill snatched it as
he ran, and, aftei jamming his fist Info it,
stuck it. all dusty aud dimpled, on his
bead. And, now he saw the. widow's
house on top of the hill, and what, oh,
what will he do? Then his coat fell out
aud ho slipped it on, and tlisn making a
desperate spurt he clutched the back of
the seat aud scrambled in, jmd pulling
the buffalo robe over his legs, stuflcd the
other things beneath. Now the horse
happened to be one be got from 'Squire
Mocre, aiid he got it from the widow,
i and the animal took it into his head to
j stop at her gate, which Bill had no'powx
'cr to pievent, as he was too busy but»
1 toning his coat op to bis ehin to think of
I doing much else.
The widow heard the rattling of the
, wheels and looked out, and seeing that
i it was SmHey and that he didn't offA to
got oat, she went to see what he wanted,
and there she stood chatting, with her
white arms on the top of the gate, aud
her face towards him, while the chills
ran down his shirtless back clear to his
bare feet beneath the buQalo robe, and
the water from his hair and the dust from
bis hat had combined to make some
nice little stream of mad that came
trickling down his face. '
 • She asked him to oo.ne fn.
No, lie was in a hurry. She did not
offer to go. 11c did uoi ask her to pick
lipids rein* for him, beeause he did not
Itiiow what exense to make for not doing
so himself. Then he locked down tjm
road belilncV bitu, and saw a white»iaced
hqree ooiniiut, aud at oaeo surmised it
was that of (in* Sockrider? ile resolved
to do or die, nid hurriedly told her hi*
errand.
i The widow would be flighted to go—
ot course hlio would." lint, wouldn't lie
conic in? No, he was In a hurry, hesaid;
and wor.Jd go on to Green's place.
'Oh,' said ihc widow, 'you're to
Green's Ar6 you? Why, I'm going there
myself to feet one of the girls to help me
•quilt to morrow. Just wal' a second while
1 get my bonnet and klmwl. and I'll ride
with yoh.' And away she skipped.
'What a scrapo, said Bill, and lie has*
tily clutched his pants letwceu his feat
and wriggled into them, when a light
jvagon drawn by the white-faced horse,
driven by a came along and stopped"
beside lltm. The boy held up a pair of
hoots iu one hand aud a pair of socks iu
the other, and just as the widow reached
the gate again, ltd said:
•Hero's yoor boots and socks, Mr.
Smiley that yon left on the bridge when
yon were W swimming.'
4 You're mistaken,' said Bill; 'they are
not mine.*
' Why,' said the boy, 'alnt yon the man
that had the raco after the horse just
now?'
'lto sir, lam not. You had better go
on About your business.'
Bill sighed at the loss of his Sunday
boots, and taming to the widow, said! 1
'Just pick up thoso lines, will you
jflousc? This brute of a horse is always
switching tliein otit.of my hands.'
The widow complied; he -pulled one
corner ot the robe cautiously down as
she get In. *
' What a lovely eveidng,' she said; 'and
so warm I don't tbiuk we wont the robe
over'us, do we?*
You see she had on a nice new dress
and a pair ot new gaiters,' aud she want
ed to show them.
'Oh my,' said Bill earnestly, 'you will
find it chilly riding, and 1 wouldn't have
you ctjtch cold for the world.'
She seemed pleased at this tender
care for health, aud contented herself
with sticking one of her feet out'. As
she did so a long si'k necktie .showed
over the aud of the boot.
'Whatis that, Mr. Smiley—a neck«
ile?' v
'Yes,' said he; 'I bonght it the other
day, I must have left it iu the baggy.
Never mind it.'
Then he went on quite a distance, lie
holding her baud iu bis, and wons
deriug what he should do when they got
to Green's: and she wondered why his
coat was buttoned up so tightly on such
a warm evening, and what made his face
and hat so dictv, until they itcre going
down a little hill and oue of the traces
came unhitched and they had to stop.'
'Oh, murdor!'exclaimed, Bill, what
next?'
.' What is the matter, Mr. Smiley ?' said
the widow, with a start, which came
very near jerking the robe off his knees.
'One of the traces is ofl,' answered
ho.
'Well why don't you get oat and puf
it on again.'
'I can't,' said Bill, T'vo got—that is,
I—i haven't got—oh, dear, I'm so sick!
What shall I do?'
'Why, Willie,' said she tenderly, 'what
is the matter? Do tell me!'
She gave bis baud a little squeeze, and
ooked into his pale face; sho thought
he was going to faint, so she got her
jsmclting bottle with her left hand, ami
pulling the stopper oat with ber teeth,
stuck it to his nose.
Bill was just taking in breath for a
mighty sigh, and the pangant odor made
him throw back his head so tar that lie
lost his balance, and went over the low
back bnggy.
The little woman gave a low scream
as ais bare feet flew past Ifer head, and
covering her face with her hands, gave
way to tears or smiles—it is hard to tell
which. Bill was up in a minute, and
leaning over the badk of the seat was
htimhlv apoligiziug and explaining, wlien
id. Wilbur and his wife aud baby drove
up behind and Mopped.
Poor Bill felt that he would rather have
been fhot than had Ed. Wilbur catch 1
him itl such a scrape, but there was no
jielpfoi it uow, so he called Ed. to him
and whispered in Ids ear. EJ.
was likely to bnr3t with suppressed
laughter, but he beckoned liis wife to
draw, rip, and, after saying something to
her he heli»cd the widow out ot Bill's
buggy and into his. and the two women
wentun leaving the men behind.
Bill lost no time ih arranging bis
toilet as well as lie could, and then witn
great persuasion Ed. got him to go home
with him,and hunting np slippers and
socks, aud getting him washed and
1 combed, bad him quite presentable when
the ladles arrived.
1 need no.i tell you how the story was
all out of bashful BiH,.aml how tjicy wtl
laughed,as they sat around the tea-table
that nlgbf; hut will conclude by saving ,
that the* all went to th ; show together,
and dill bus no fear oP Gus. hockridcr,
nbw **
« • •' ■
'' VVNaT TUIHUS in RATVBI, .
n> »• u ijr- 1 ew ! »' ' -1 ; " ■
Wo have all noticed, pprhaps, that >*
monkey neviy laughs itself, though its
Very appearance, its every movement ,
and gesture cannot Tail to exsite mirth iu
Ourselves. kU We cajuuftvprak of a mon
key gravely, even theipame is not, niw
tinned without » smile er a laugh. Ho*' >
amusing its antics. Ine care
yourtg,* inspecting wMft Is' given
it, and #very 'a'c/ion eliciting sm*ms of
> laughter from grown-up people as ml
as delighted children, ;t ,„ it^w :
The maternal kangaroo is a comical •
animal, carrying her young family in a
pouch or bag-pooket, from whioh they
may occassional ly ba see* peeping like
so many juvenile bijxxls from a hock-.
sler T s panniers. Just think "what a "
monstrous crime pockeb-pickmg must
appear to a female kangaroo with a
charge of yoiing children.
Then thore is a little animal, also in
Austtelia—that land of eoutraries and
comicalities—that is a good living joke.
It is Tike a rat, bn't much laager, furnish
ed with a duck's bill and web feet, which
gives it a very queer and funny perton
olle. It ia called the ornithorhyncus
a hard namt> 4 young folks, but the only
one for it that I know.
The whole race of parrots is amusing,
and, to m», wonderful. Ido not think
their power oi refloating words and
pbraees ia merely mechanical, taught by
human masteis, lor,, by timing their
jokes, they often show that they enjoy
them. It ir said that parrots, monkeys
and mockiug«birds are undoubtedly pos
sessed of Ute same power of imitation
which men employ to' the excitement of
iii comedy or the Iniitietic art. ' So
I thou Id think that these birds, and the
monkey werrtLe star actors among the
feathered tribes and the brute creation;
As the monkey is sueh an inimitable
imitator of the human animal, that is
why Mr. Darwin iuaists upon olaimiug
him for ap older brother. u r
We have often heard some persons
make use. of tlie jinproper and exagger
-1 ated expression, 'I thought'l would die
a lautfiiiitfr Whilfe ihey did «jt die,
' were iix no danger of such a result, it is
recorded that some prions have died in
l this mannfr, as said tube a pois
onous plant growing on the island of
Sardinia that causes those who eat it to
; die ot laughing. I do not know its name,
but it resembles parsley, and those who
eat it begin to laugh and cannot stop till
death en*pes. I don't meutiou this a* a
"funny tliing/'buritseffects would cer.
taiuly be amusing if it were not for the
inevitable and sad result. It is also
strange that this is the only poisontus
plant, ou the island.
BuKthere is another specimen of the
vegetable world that is indeed a comical
plaut. I have forgotteu where it grows
but it is called the eactHi senilis. The
latter wuril, my young friends will re
member, is a Latin term that meuns
pertaining to oid age, and the ludicrous
pesuliarity oi the plant shows at once
from what it derived its name. The
plant is simply a kind of stump covered
with long, white, streaming hair ? and
exactly resembles the head of an old
man. In its native country it grows to
the heigth of ten or twelve feet, and
when it approaches a'flowering state, a
circlet of short, biack fur sppears around
the summit, which gradually increases
; till it takes the very fatai-and appearance
of a lady's fur muff. The flowers are
crimson and sre produced tlje top in
a circle. The reader may therefore
judge what a comical figure our old
gentleman plant cuts ih his native wopd (
With bis body all covered with long
. white hair, surmounted by a black mtifl,
and above all a wreath of crimson flow
ers.
Most boyr beleive thst the hnmming 1
sound made by the telegraph wires is I
caused by the messages hurrying along
to their destination. Most men believe
that this sound is caused by the vibra
tion of the wire in the wind. A writer
in an Austrian journal, however, calls
attention to the tact that one who gives
close observation to both the wire and
sounds will 6nd that the latter make
themselves obvious likewise when there
is a total absence of wind; and in a
quiet morning ia winter, when the wireß
appear covered with frost to the thick
ness of a finger, they nevertheless carry
ou lively vibrations and swinging, while
the air is totally quiet. According to
this theory, therefore, the vibrations are
due, notto the wind, but to the changes
of atmospheric temperature, and espe
cially through the action of cold, as the
lowering of the temperature induces a
shortening of the wires, extending over
the whole length of the conductor. A
considerable amouut of friction is pro
duced on the supporting bells, thus ins
ducing sound, both in the wire aud the
ffim, : : '
mh3
3"ij 'IW» «»WWR
Glenn in as
Speech has been restored by use of
Cbolorofurio.
iWUeu * mule weeps does It alter,
muleteer? -j/m
We huve*ee:i storing llytf wera hai
fellows well met.
h rerspim ot abandoned liabiti-Dealers
tn otd clothes.
* tftief Joseph we.\rs coal black link
banged on bis brow.
A paste-pot doesnl denote time, yet
by its stick. .
lo.Tlie, solar edl|«es Invisible in this
country are down for -79.
.VVl>y %,Mse tetter « like. * hot fire?
Because it makes oil boil.
,^/T U,C, ' e9to M ti » a P" 11 "
tne latest slang among the gatniru.
' Success Is much like starvation, It's
nothing when you are used to it.
The lirtngry crowd always goes lor a
frco lunch before (be napkin rings.
mon with all .living creature's, certnin
reasoning faculties, ami yet they am the
most flighty.
TnMels are coming in si jlc again
Fashion Papers. Yes. we noticed the jx
on the coru, last autumu.
The American p?oplo are treading on
100,000 cords of wood all the w. ile—
shoe^pegs.
A new book like a fresh lobster
does not benefit a man until it is read
and.digcsted. i .■«- :-.h .
i A book is a man's best friend, and
tho only ouo he cau shut up without
giving offense.
The year 1879 wilfcbo notable for the
death of distinguished persons in netuJy
all communities. f
Under oh) Saxon law* the larceny ot
able witL d* at Welf ° * HSUua Wttß P uuißliS
A man sometimes seems to b« asleep
When he is merely rocked iu the cradle
of tho deep thought.
k Persons who write anonymous letters
for pablicadon should send their tool
names to the publishers.
. The man who unexpectedly aat down .
in some warm gluo thinks there is atom
tlianjone way ot getting badly stuck.
Wo rather think that the most reluct
tant slave to vice that we ever saw was
a poor man whohadhis finger in one.
During the last year 5,3 14 books have
been published m England; of these
3,730 are wholly new, and 1,084 are
new editions. Tat number exceeds by
250 to total of the previous year.
3be man who now shakes a five-dolt
lar gold piece under the public nose •
doesn't measure any more aronnd the .
chest than the owner of a five~dolUr
greenback.— Detroit Free Press.
The tradesmen at the corner ac
knowledges that to give only 140 eggs
in a box mark "13 doz," is a gross mm
take., but jiolds that to have put in
135 would have been a grocer one.—
Puck.
What $ grand idea it is to congratns
late ourselves on b:iving escaped dangers
we are really too pusillanimous ro risk
encountering.
He rose to a point ot order, but the
presiding officer sat down ou him, ere
he had a chance to bloom. No flowers
of rhetorio were gathered at that meet
ing.—New York News.
She was'plump and beautiful, and he
was wildly fond of her; she hated - him
but-woman-like she Strove to catch hiui.
lie was a flea.
| "Doesn't Boston harbor remind you
of the Bay of Naples?" askud an ens
thusiactic yachtman yesterday. ''Yes,"
was the answer, "at leasl in one rS|iect.
'They are both full of water."— Boston
Transcript. • '• 5;
Alexander the Great had a soldier In
his army who bore ths> same name but
was a great coward. The Emperor, en
raged at his conduct, justly said to him,
. "Either changoyoar name, or learn to
honor it.". Th« Captain of our salva
tion, not enraged like the earthly empe
ror, but with calm dignity and authori
ty, says to every one of us beating his
illustrious name, '"Either change your
name, or learn to honor it."— Western
Christicm. Advocate. , *
Does your wile Ho awake until after
midnight awaiting your return Irom the
lodge, so that she impart some import
aut information before yon go to sleep?
1| sl:c docs, juet call her attention to the
fact that a woman in Manavnnk who
was addicted to this reprehensible prac
tice so fearfully strained the optical
nerves that she canuot shut her eyes, and
has npt had a wink of sleep for more than
three weeks, and tho doctor says her
oye-balls will eventnally burst and cause
her death. (This is a lie, a/ course, but
it kill do no harm to make your wife be-gfl
Here such a painful incident actually ™
happened. American women l««e too
much sleep for their good.)—Norr.
/I CVUUI+° .'I
"What," asked one, "will be the end
of all this discussion about tob- ;oof'' "I
fear that the most 'iJf it wili .u i in