THE ALAMANCE GLEANEIS VOL. Q. [HE GLEANER PUBLISHED WIIKKLY \iY ELDRIDGE & KERNODLE. tSt'llhßiu, IV. C, Ka i e , of Subscription. P o stay e Paid : Vpor $1.50 One I ca J • 75 t'ifree Mon&V"... BO vwri person sending us a club of ten snh . ih»rs with t)i« cash, entitles himself to one • vfree for the lengh of time for which the Sis made up. Papers sent to different offices A r o Departure from the Vauk System RnlMof Aiirerliiing Transient advertisements payable in advance: f early advertisements quarterly In advance. |1 m. j2 m. 1 3 m. 0 in. il2 in. rrria ooj 400 e 00110 00 * J > | 3 001 4 501 600 10 00! 15 00 Transient advertisements 31 per square [or he first, and fifty cents for each subse j ;ic n niisi:; turn. © t ; m i o v i hiv r . OWrrr* the Federal Government, iriE executive. Rutherford B. Hayes, ot Ohio, President of the Uni ted States. William A. Wheeler, of New York, Vice- President of ths United States. THE CABINET. William M. Evarts, of New York, Secretary v>f Slate John Sherman, of Ohio, Sec'y. of Treasury. Gccige W. M McCrary, Secretary of War. Richard W. Thompson, of Indiana, Secro tAry of the Navy. Carl Shuris, of Missouri Sec'y. of the Interior. Charles Devens, of Massachusetts, Attorney- General. David SI. Key, of Teennessee, Fostn-aster- General. . , tllß JUDICIARY, +IIE SITREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES. R. Wait, of Ohio, Chief Justic^ JJuthan Clifford of Maine, Nnali H. Sway lie, of Ohio, J. Miller, of lowa, David DuVin. of Illinois, Stephen J. Field, of California, William M. StWmg, of Pennsylvania, Joseph P. Br»dl»y, of New Jersey, Ward Hunt, of New York, Associate Justices. bbit NtATR «OirKßlV.tlEN'r. - EXEKCUtIVIi DEPARTMENT. Thomas J. Jarvis, of Pitt, Governor. Dawes L. Robinson, of Macon, Lieutenant- Governor. VV. ii Saiinders, of NeV Ilaiiover, Secretary of State. John M., Worth, of Randolph, Treasurer. Donald W. Bain, of Wake. Chief Clerk. T C. Worth, of Randolph, Teller. Dr. Samuel L. Love, of HayWttod, Auditor. Thos. S. Kenan, of Wilson. \ttorney-General. . Jotili C; Scarborough, of Johnston, Superin tendent of Public Instruction. Johnston Jones, of Burke. Adjutant-Genera'. J. McLeod Turner, Keeper of the Capitol. Shenvubd Haywbod, of Wake, State Libra rian. JimiriA it V. surßEMte couMi W. N. it. Smith, of Hertford. Chief justice. John H. Dillard, Thos. S. Ashe. Associates, W. H. Bagley, of Wake, Clerk of Siipriimc Couit. D. A. Wicker, of Waft ft, Marshal; 1 'ROFESsiONAL CARDS. tfNO. \V. GRAHAM. JAS. A. GRAHAM, Hillsoiro, N. C. Graham, N. C. QR4HAH & AT liAtV, Practice in the State &nd Federal Courts, t£"Speci d aitentioh paid to collecting. •J. D. KERNODLE, Attorney at Law > CRAl'un, N.C Practices in the State and Federal Courts. >VU faiibfully and promptly attend to all busi ness intrusted to him. is. a. parkek. ATTORNEY, tiRAHAN.N.C. »i I'! regularly the Superior Courts of II I "L. ! Person, Chatham and Ran uoiph, and the Federal courts at Greensboro. Business entrusted to him Shall liave faithful atieritioo, #-1 80. iy. T. B. Eldridge, p ORA IU ' A ' n ' ,le State and Federal Courts, tenrmf intrusted to hiin shall refeelve prompt and carefnl attention. James E, Boyd, ATTORNEY AT LAW. ~ OFFICR*AT & Graeasfooro. lVactic.es in all the Courts. ?/^ han) ' Monday Tuesday and and Saturday ** r ®®aabero, Thursday,^ Friday Dr. J. VV. Griffith DENTIST, GRAHAM, N. C. T to do any arid afL kinds 61 the Profession. ***** of u£ m* U *° ' he trealmeDt ° { AtUj ATTJCNDBB IW Towif OR CoriNTar. D - H. Albright, DR S- ALBRtgftT & ALBfiiGHT, The SDRHBONS. a i. 11,8 home and the latter at 6-a-ain. lUa ' Chatham county, N. C. The officers of Uei Majestv'a Twenty fourth and eigli(y«i'ourtli infantry were sitting around their mVss in Cas. tletown, the tlie of Man, one evening more than thirty, years ago —lliags, all bkcept one; but theh that was only Jones. Nobody minded Jones; even his peculiarities had begun to bo an old subject tor chaffing, and, indeed, he had paid such small attention to their chnffinur J iial they had come to find it little pleasure, and, after soino weeks of discomfort, Lieuienant Jones had been allowed to choose his otfii ploasures without much interference. These were not extravagant." A £ta* voriie book, a long walk in all kinds of weather, and a sail when the weather was favbHble. He would not drink, he said it hurt health: he would not shoot, lie said it hurt his he would not gamble, he said it hurt his conscience; he did not care to flirt or visit the belles of the capitol, he said it hurt his aflec. I lone. Once Captain De Reuzv ly wondered whether it would he possi* bio to 'hurt his honor,' and Jones calms ly answered that 'it was not possible for Captain De Reuzv to do so.' iiuleed, Jones constantly' violated all! these gentlemen's ideas of proper be- j havior, but, lor some reason or other, no j one brought him to account for it. It was easier to shiug their shoulders and cUll hiitl 'queer,' or say, 'it was only Jones or even quietly asQel't his coward- | ice. w Une evening Colonel Under vood was discussing a hunting party for the next day. Jones walked inlo the room and was immediately acoosled : 'Something new, lieutenant. I find there are plenty ol hares on the island, and we mean to give puss a run to-mor row. 1 have heard you are a good rider will ybl! join us?' 'You must excuse me, Colonel, such a thing is neither iu the way of duty nor lay pleasure." 'You forget (lie honor the colonel does you, Jones,' said Ensign l'oivel. 4 thank the colonel for Ins courtesy, but I can see no good reason for accept, ing 11; lam sure my horse will not aps prove Of ii; and lam sure tlie hare will not like it; and I ain not a good rider, therefoie I should not enjoy it. 'You need not bo Hlhiyl,' said ills coN onel ralber stieeringly; 4 tte country is qniie open, and theso low Manx walls are easily taken. 'Excuse me colonel, lam a I raid. li I should qe hurt il woltld citse my trioMi er und sisters very great alai in aiid anxi iety. lam very much afraid ot doing this.' What tvns to bo done with a tnan so obitise regarding conventionalities, and tvho boldly assorted his cowardice? The colouel turned away halt cjntempMi ously, and Ensign Powfell look his place., The morning proved to bfe a vtery bad one, witli the prospect of a raising stbHli and, as the party gathered in the bar-* rack yard, Joues said earnestly to the coldncl: ♦1 am afraid, sir, you will meet with a severe storm.' 'I think so, lieutenant; bat we promis ed to dine at Owuiio Hall, and we shall gist that far, tit any fate.' So they rode rather gloomily away in the rain. Jones attended to the military duties assigned llirti, and then, about noon, walked seaward. It was hard work by this time to keep his footing on the narrow quay; but, amid ilie blinding sprriy und uiiSt he saw quite a crowd ol men going rapidly toward the great snelvs ing Scarlet flocks, a mile beyond tl.e town. Ho slopped an old Sailor and asked: * «ls anything vfrrong?' •A lit tic steamer, sir, off (he Crilf ol Man. She is driving this way, an' in deed I fear she will be (a rocks alofe ta uight;' Jones SiOod still a moment, and then followed the crowd as fast as the storm would let him. When he joined thetrt they were gathered on the summit of huge cliff, watching the doomed craft. Slie was now within sight, and it was evident that her seamfcn fta-i loet all con trol ol her. She must ere long be flung by the waves trpou the jagged rocks to. tfafrd which she was driving. In the lolls of the wind, not only the booming oi the mnuiite gtftfa, but a'so the shouts of ity imperiled crew,could be hdafd. 'What can be done,' said Jouerf to an old man, whose face befrayed the strong* i's( emotion. 'Nothing, sir, I art afrafd. If flie'd manotfed to ronnt t* rocks she would have gone ta pieces oh fhe sand,- and there afe plenty offtieri rifto would risked life to save life. But liow are wo to reach them iroin this height?' •How larare we above water?' I>r. J. A. Albright, GRAHAM, N. C.. WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 1 1880. ONI.V JOIXEM. ' I his roi k goes down like a forty fat boms, sir.', \ 'What depth of waler at the foot?' 'Thirty fret or more.' , •Good. Have you plenty of light stVoiig rope.' *- •Much as you want sir. But let mo (ell you, sir, you can't live three minutes down there; la first wave will dash you fa pieces. Plenty of us would put \ou down, sir, but you cAn't swim afteV ydu get do ivii. ' •Do you know old man, what surf swimming is? I have dived throtigh the surf at NukhheVA. 'God bless you, sir, I thought no white man could do the same.' While the conversation was going 011 Jones was divesting himself of all super fluous clothing, and culling out the sleeves ot his hfeavy pea-jacket with his pocket knife. This dene he pasieii some light rope through The men watched him with eager interest, and, seeing their inquisitive looks, he said: The thick sleeves will prevent the rope cutting niy^body.' 'Aye, aye, sir. t I see now wiiat you are doing.' 'Now, men, I lmvc only one request: Givejno plenty of rope ap'Jast as I draw on Wlieii I get m board, jjou kudw how to make a prnHje, L suppose. 'Aye, aye, sir. Lsul/ftwj£ are you go ing to reach the water?' 'I am going i.o plunge dotVii. I have dived from the main>ard of the Ajax be foie this. It was a high Icjtp. He passed a double coil of the rope around bis waist, examined it thorough ly to sco I hat there was plenty to start with, and saying, 'Now, friends,, siand out of the way, and let.itie have" a clear start/ he raised bis bare head one. - mo ment towordjheaven, khd, taking a short run, leaped as it from the t-pringboard o) a plunge bull). Such.an anxious crowd as fallowed that leap! Great numbers, in spite of the dangerous wind.jlay flat on their breasls and hatched bi.a. He struck Iho water at least twenlv-five ieet beyond the cliff, and disappeared in ii§ dark, foamy depth. When he rose to the suHacfc lie saw jtist belore him a gigawfcic wave, but he had time to breathe, aiiu before it leached bim he Hived below its centfer. It broke in passionate luiy upon the rocks but lones was tar beyond it. A miglny cheer froin the men on shore icucht'd htm, and ho now began in good earnest to put his i'acillc eifiorionce into [ raclice. Drawing continually oil the men for more rope—which they paid out with deafening cheers lie met wave after wave in the same manner, diving under them like an otter, and gelling nearer tho w.-eck with every wave, reaiiy ad vancing however more below the water than above it. Suddenly the despairing men on board heard a clear hopeful tol&i: 'Help al baud, captain! Throw me a buov.' And in another rninnte or two. Jonea was on deck, and the cheers on the little steamer wnrt echoed by (lie fclieers of the crowd on laud. There was not a moment to bo losi: she was breaking up last; but it took but a tew uioihefild to histen a cable to thfe small rope and draw it on board, and then a second cable, aud the communication was complete. •There is a lady here, sir,' said the cap lain,'we must rig a chair for her; she can never tfalk thai dangerous rope.' 'But we have net a moment to waste, or WH may all be lost. Is she very heavy V 'A slight little thing; hall' a child, sir-,' •Brlifg her here.' This wad no time for ceremony; with* out a word, save a lew sentences ot di rection and encouragement, he look hfc'r under his left arm, dtid steadying him self by ihe upper cable, walked on willi his htirden Safely to shore. The nre*» fapidly followed for in such moments of eureinily the soul inastefs (he body and all thing become possible.' There *as plenty of help Rafting for (h6 half dfead seaman; and (he lady, her father and the captain had been p'vt in the carriage of Ikaddon and driven fap*- idly to bis hospitable ball. Jones, amid tbe confusion, disappeared j be bad pick ed np an oil-skin coat and cap. rfnd when every one turned to thank their deliver er he was gone. No due knew him; the sailors said they believed him to be 'one of thse mil itary gents by bis 'rigging,' but tb6 individuality of the hero bad troubled no oue until the danger was over, lit an bour the steamer was driren on the rocks,.aud went to pieces; and it being now dark, every one went fiome. tbe next day th 6 hunting p'arfy re turned from Gwynne Hail, the storm having compiled tbcnrr to tftop ail uight, and at dhiuer that evening the wreck and tbd bero of it was tbe theme of evefv one's conversation 'Such apjucky fellow,' said Ensign Powell, 'I woi.der who he was? G wynne says lie is a stranger, perhaps ono of the crowd staging at the Abbey,' - 'Perhaps,' says Captain Marks, 'it wa« Jones,' 'Oh, Jones would be too afraid of !iis inouiior.' 'Jones made a little satirical bow, and said, pleasantly it was Pow ell;' at fvhich Pcwell laughed and 'Not if he knew it.' In a week the event had been pretty well exhausted; especially as there was to lie a great dinner and ball at Braddon, and all the invitations. This ball had peculiar interest, lor the young lad}' who had been saved Irom die wieck would be present, and rumors of her, riches and beauty had been life for several days. It was said the little steamer was her father's private yacht, and that he was a man of raiik and irmifeiicn. Jones said he should i.ot gt> (6 the dinner, as either he or Saville must re* main for evening drill, uih' that Sivillo loved a good dinner, wliilfe he cared very little about it. Savillo could return in time to let liiin ride over about ten o'clock and sco tbo dancing. Saville rather wondered why' Jones did not ttke his place all the cycuing, and felt half injured at liia default. But Jones had a curiosity about the girl lie had saved. To tell (ho truth he was nearer in love than he had ever been with a woman, and he wished in calm blood to sco if she was as beautiful as his fancy had painted her during those tew and awfu! s rhinblte& tliHt he held hfct high above the waves. As ho passed, tho squire remembered that he had not been to dinner, and stop ped to say a lew courteous words, and introduced his companioii. 'Miss Conyers.' 'Lieutenant Jones.' But no sooner did Miss Conyers hear Lieutenant Jones' voice than she gave a joyful cry, and cl'appiiig her hands to gel her said: •1 have found; bim! Papal papal I have foultd liiin. Never was iliere such an interruption to a ball. Tlie company gathered in ex cited groups, and papa knew the lieu tenaul's voice, and the captain knew it, and poor Jones, unwilling enough, had to kcknowledge the deed and bo made the hero of it. It was wonderful fcher (his night, what a change look place in Jones' quiet way. His books and boat seem to have lbsl llicir charm, and as for his walks, they were all in one direction, and ended at Braddon Hall, In about a month MirfS Couyers went away, and then Jones began to haunt the postman, and to get. pretty little letters, which always seem ed to take a great deal of answering. Bblof-e tile fend of Hie Winter he had an invitation to go to Conyers' to spend a mouth, and a furlough being granted, he sold ojl, and entered upou a diplomatic career, under tiie care of Sir Thomas Conyers. Eighteen months alter tho wreck Col. Underwood read aloud at tho mess a do* sciiption of the Iriarriage of Thomas Jones, of Milfrod Haven, to only child and heiress of Sir Thomas Con* y rs, of Conyers Caitfe, 'Kent. And a paragraph below staled that 'the Honor able Thomas Jones, with his bride, had gone lo Victufa on diplomatic service ol great importance.' 'Just his luck,' said Powell. Must hiS pluck,'said Underwood; 'add •for my part, when I come across one ol those leHdWs agkin that are alraid ot hurting their mother* and listers and Dot a!'raid to say so. I shall treat him as hero just wailing his opotfrtuiiify.—i Here is die Honorable Thomas Jones and i bis lovely bridfe'. We are going to India; geidfemen, next month, and I am sorry the Eignty fotirtli hart lost Lieu j tenant Jones, for I have no doubt what* I ever be would have tftofinod & tott as be boarded the vft-eck. JIAiSK HitUMK'S ADDSESI. At tbe late meeting of the press con* veni ion, Major W. 11. Maloue welcomed the visitors in the tame of the prels of Asheville. Major M., said: GENTLEMEN OK THE PUEHS:—OiI this interesting occasibtf 1 have Hie bouor to represent the press ol Asheville, and in their b£hall I biu you welcome to Ashe* vllle—the "City of Hiflf." In th'efr nam'e 1 welcome you to Western Caro lina, in their name I welcome you to t be "Laud ol tUfe Skies £ Teis meeting wilt mark an era in the history of our State, and commemorate tb6 efforts being made to develop its te sources. Coming, as most of you did, through itito noted Swaunaiitfrf Gap— passing through ilu-ee thousand feet or rock-ribbed tunnels, yon are in tbe midst of the "Switzerland of America." You art* now at the loot ofkheelicKaiit ed Beaur atelier; yonder, Mount Pisga r lilts itself proudly above ten thousand, lesser Mils; near by is the celebrated R lack Mf4|nVair from which Miichel'* Peak towers 7,000 feet hhiid Hie butij'e ments of heaven. Of this famous peak Goldsmith might well have said: 1 "It swells from the vale, and midway leaves tlie storm; Though round u'S haso Uic Vtormi and clouds 1 are -prcad, Eternal sunshine settles on its head." Here is the beautiful Swaiiiiano, long celel'i-aled ii. song and poetry ; (hero the rugged French Broad troll#, tumbles d&bhrs over rock clilt and precipice— passing through scenery uusurpased in in loveliuces and grandeur. Look yonder, the grandest panorama oi mountains upon the green earth—pile upon pile, range aflfet range, pyramid after pyramid, you behold until the im agination is iii contemplation of (lie "handiwork of God.'' Far beyond these magnificent mortmains is agforioiii"6lin set." lie goes down aulid that illimita. hie yellow, burning oce&nscloud, from whose bosom is reflected back teu thous and fantastic mountain domes, joo grand lor (ho most brilliant imagination; ation theto g)ant mountains sink into solitude and sltfcp, to await the inorninig sun, which will reillumine and deck their peaks i/cduly and glok*y indescriba ble. It is to these georgoouß scene& to which We invite you—lribite enrapturing, more enchanting than the vision which caught the eye ol Moses when, from the top of Mount Pisga, he beheld the Promised Laud. But we not only invito you lo scene? of beauty and grandeur, we invite you to a land'ot health. Ttio opinion has beeu ventured that western Carolina will be* come the great sanitarium ol tbe United Slates. 1 believe it. This exhilarating dry atmosphere, these pure gurgling streainß, these richly c&i'peted lAilds:apes constitute a fit abode lor the seeker of health. Some t>Henlal nHtioii conceived the idea that tbe common article of 6age possessed iuheient lite preserving quali ties, and it bbcatno au.adage, "How can a man die in whose garden grows sage?" Hero the elements of health ihaV be found everywhere, Ihey art (omul in our sparkling rivulets which gush from hiduntaiii bides, they are lound in every breeze which percolates their chilly tpfftv they are fduud ill the cbol balmy niglit breezes which reader sleep sucli bappy repose. Indeed, these flower clad ' landscapes make 7 us forget tbe troubles of life, while we dreain dreams ol a bright and happy future. Would it be'too Itlnciful to say, -'llow can a mau die who lives in western Carolina?" But 1 would disappoint those wbom 1 represent if 1 did not acknowledge our iiidebibdiiesfl to the press. It has been said that Ashoville was iho best advert tised town in tho South; Our citizens feel grateful for tbe good repute which they havo borne at yonr hands. In time past out friends of the east knew more ol tht mountains ol New England, of Italy and the continent lhaii oi otlr own mountains west of tLe Blue Uidge. But now the veritable iron horse has reached the solilddefi of tbe very Stat* ol Bdn combe, and to-day North Caroliua a "united" Stale. The railroad and the telegraph have brought us in commauion with cur brethren of the east and with all the world. For the success of iHe&i great enterprises wo owe much to the press. When maladmimsifrlllon and official corruption had crept into the high places of the laud, a ooble army of quill drivers was ready to drive the CalaJiues from power, tbe good, the great and llife noble wefe sustained ami encouraged; \Ve temember, too, some dark days of the past— when the "Judiciary had beeu exhausted/ whin constitutional liberty Wds in jeapordy, when brave men had despaired ot their country," when the sacred right ol luibeut corpaa bad been trampled under fool by daring usurpa tion. Then it was that the gallant press of North Caroliua, ol Georgitf, of South Caioliua, and of the entire conutry camo Jjo (he rescue. They proclaimed in thun der tones the vox populi, and appealed to that august tribunal, the forum of public opiuion, this omnipotent court which lias uover befeu exhausted. This high b jtiit gate Its Verdict In faYo* of couslitutiouaT liberty. In this temple of justice stooff the editorial fraternity contending for the tfght and denouncing the wrong; ihey constituted the daring van gft a I'd in this great bat lie, andccarr r ried the flag ol our country on which wrf* inscribed Hie w6'rus "Constitutional Liberty." These; thisc are not the bailiffs of fb« press. They follow not Hio booming of cannon, neither do tliev catch inspiration from the loud tocsin or war; ihey flgld the battle's of |»6a6e, whicti "hath vf6- lories no le'ss renowned liian war." The warrior who leads his millions in the slaughter may have his uauie and NO; 27 i c aim perpetuated in brODzc or marble— liis monument like liteJigypiinii pyramid. - may dety the touch of lime iuelt. Bui the pi-ens is ilie lever with wbicli We move Die world. This noble srrny in • Hcaiiered everywhere—yonder, in ilia juti*fles of Africa; yonder, anion}; (lie * ice-brrys ol x paint fsr, np>n fhe bank oi (he Nile, the lihinie, the Ganges, in every zone, in every clime are 10 bo found the daring veterans of the press; and having chained the lightning of heaven to the car of progress thev cir cumnavigated the World . with the ra pidity of thought. And while they may hayg no marble column to perpetuate their memory, they have a more enduring monument resting in the human heart, which will last throughout all time. It in in, view of these Wonderful achievements of the prees that We «>• greatly appreciate this gala day and happy reunion. I should net omit to say that we welcome our brethren ol IheEm pire Slate ol Georgia, the bome ot onr LJi:ls and Gordons* we welcome onr vet erans from the long oppressed Palmetto State, the bome of our Butlers and Hamptons; and from the dear old Motlier ot Statosou our notberu border. Ouf troubles have been in cotomiin, onr sympathies have commingled in all thoee "scenes wbisb tried men's souls," and to day we rejoice together at tbo bappy prospect of our common country. Gentlemen, ] feel that a brighter day is about to dyvu—old Rip Van Winltle* though slow is now coming to the trout; the east and west are now bound by huops nf steel, and our commercial and sociaf intercourse will teud to make North Carolina the proudest state in the Union. (iov. Swain, in one of his last public addresses, said thai North Carolina liail been a good state to more from— that our young men of talent and ambition had followed ttie "setting sun/' and bad obtained honor and distinction in other Stales. But our yeung men will mount the flood which, tnken at its ri«e, leads to success. Aud 1 anticipate that man* of (hose now gone Will hear of our iltideA of |>ros|>eriiy, and not forgetting the love liness of these mountains and being in spired by the revolutionary fame ot their ancestors, will return to the borne* ot their boyhood, and, like William Tell can excla m, '•Y« crsgs and peaks, I am with yoa >nc«? •gainf* To the press we l«K>k for the realization of our brightest anticip.ition in regard to the development ot our glorious oh I State. And, in conclusion, allow me |«» repeat, "The Old North State, God bless her; ihe Old North State forever. Gleaiiii^. The pupil of th* eye baa to be I*«b*d. In asking a inaH to settle bis bill the thing is 'no souner said than dun.' man would to jrt off froa a promts*; to drink he should wit Church choirs are pnt at the back ends of churches to accommodate the timid worshippers who cannot face the music. vVe do not know as green apples be long to anr secret fraternity, yet tHeJ seem to Lave the grip. How many men take the fatal step in life with the id«a thit they are getting an angel, aud soon after marriage find that they have nothidg but a woman. , • "The tongue of a woman increases in the same ratio that her feet decrease," says a Chinese proverb, abd the China tuan has a care Una habit df being tight many titties in Ihe dozen. Refuse to sit at a table opposite the man afflicted with hay fever. The chances are seveuty to one that be will be oWig, ed to sneeze just as lie has got bis mouth full of water. A boyish novice in smoking turned deadly pale and threw.away bis cigar. Said be: ''Thai's snmtiun' in that air cigar that's made me sick." "I know what it is," said bis' companion': puffing away. "What?" "Tobacker." We know a genuine miser, who would go four miles af>er persimmons so be could eat a few before each meal, to pucker bid stomach, so that be would not have room tc eat more than five oeuti worth at a meal. "Lo6k a-Kere, wutiet/" shouted a dia guated custom jr in • Washington re»- laurant; "here's an old moustache cooib in this pot pie." "Never mind, air," •aid the naptirf flirtet, calmly, "juat throw it unde'r the labia; it is id old one?" , I would not cange a shade of jfefe To Overspread that face so fafr; Ah! no, dear girl, nor would I tfelgd To add a mite nnto your care. I would not have that loveiy hue Of features clouded by a frowif But duty bids me say to you, Your back hair's all a coming town? A cduntry ilergyman was one day riding along, when he waa observed by two lawyers. Riding up, one on' each aide, they aaked bim how it was that gentlemen of bia cloth madt> such sad mistakes. "I waspreaent not long since," aaya one, a clergjrdWn, instead of «"»y* n g Ogg, King of Bashsn, said. Hoe, Kiug oi Bason." "Oh," Laid W« old gentleman, "we are like 411 our feftow. being*; subject to mistaies. I hieant myself io hot long afcee,', tfiA'i «tl.e devil was the father of fiara,' Hit I said tbift he waa the father (ft "Are you a foot or a knave?" Biiidf one of them. "I believe, gentlemen," baid be' "that 1 aat between built" : . xi vi 4 , ' • • : M