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The Alamance Gleaner VOL. LVIII. GRAHAM, N, C., THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 8, 1932. . NO. 31. Fable of the ? Hungry Fame Seeker 88 By GEORGE ADE <? Bell evndlcate. > ?WNU Servlc*. ONCE there wag a Greenle who borrowed gome Tackle and went Ashing off Catallna Is land, hoping that he might get a Nibble from a Tuna. To those who never have seen a Tuna, it may be Imparted that this Marine Monster Is a Minnow two sizes small er than a Submarine. It is fully as long as a Freight Car and if do mesticated, could be used for towing Barges. The Yap who rode back and forth across the dancing Waves, trol ling an attractive Bait and begging the Fish to give him some Trade, was playing In rare Luclt, because he nev er got a Strike. If he had, the poor Woofus would not have remained In the Boat On another Occasion a cheerful Im becile polished up a dinky Rifle such the Merry-Makers at Coney Island use In shooting at sheet iron Ducks and other movable Targets. He put on a Boy Scout Uniform and went out Into the Hills, hoping that he could scare up a Grizzly Bear. All day he scrambled around, kicking at the Un derbrush and making Noises which were meant to insult the Bear and in duce him to come out and put up a Battle. The Guardian Angels who fly over Cars driven by Women and pro tect the Patriot who buys Fireworks must have been on the Job that Day because the dauntless Nlmrod never saw Hide or Hair of a Grizzly. Thnt is why he lived to get back home and eat a hearty Supper. It happened that a Young Man who thought lie was, whereas be really wasn't, came Into more sweet Cur rency than you could shovel with a Scoop Shovel In Three Months. One Night, in a select Club, which has since been padlocked no less than three times, he found himself gazing at a hypnotic Brunette even as an Ungllsh Sparrow might gaze at the beautiful but deadly Cobra. He never before had seen so much Brunette packed into so few Clothes and he knew that Life would not mean anything to him unless he could he near her. to Inhale the 30 or 40 kinds of Perfumery she was using and have all the other Johns chewing their Wrist Watches In Envy. This one made Pola Negri look like a Clergyman's Daughter. Y'ou could hear the Current crackling. The yenrling Child of Fortune tried to semaphore a few Signals to the dusky Queen and get her Interested but she had no Line on the Bank Roll and did not like the Soft Shirt he wore with the Dinner Jacket, so she threw him about 1,500 Feet into the Air and rode away into the Night with a big Sausage Man from the West. r?ir i/ajB uie manors on ilia Yacht hail to watch him to keep him from going overboard with the Anchor in his Arms, which would have been his only chance of sinking. He thought that he had been given a Dirty Deal, whereas he should have been singing at the Top of his Voice, for If little Rita Poze'a. the undulat ing Vamp, had taken a real Fancy to him, it would have cost him over ?G:K>.(KX). Poor Brakes Break Many a Man. Two years ago a prominent Member of the rhamber of Commerce of Okla homa City, Okla.. was in Kurope tak ing his first real Rest since the Syn dicate In which he was interested struck the C.usher. He watched the wheel at Monte Carlo and, being quick at Figures and able to see right through any Proposition on the Jump, he felt almost sure that It would be a Cinch to win all the depreciated Currency and close the Dump. He sat up for two Nights and wore out 'wo Pencils doping a System which could not lose. He explained the Modus Operandi to his two Trnv eling Comiwinlons and said It was a Pipe. If hacked up by enough Coin, so as to keep on doubling. He wanted Hill and Riid to put in $.">0,000 apiece and let him go In and shoot up the Place, hut they were Leery and said that the Suckers had already put up t??o many Buildings and laid out more Flower Beds than were needed. They were cold around the Ankles and de void of Sporting Rlood. There was N?*l?ing Stirring and consequently all of the Boys are hack home and llvfng In comfortable Circumstances. These Example* have been cited to prove that many a Chump who thinks that the Breaks are against him Is really the favored and pampered Child of Destiny. Herbert J. ITangle. of whom we are compelled to wrHe, was not so fortnnate. He went fishing and the Tuna got him. While searching for the Grlnly be had the Tough Luck to And one. When he smiled at the Beautiful Female she gave blm a quiv ering Embrace and darn near smoth ered htm.* He found a Chance to play his System and after he got Into the Game he learned that be couldn't es cape. Looking the Part. To look at Mr. Prangle, about the time he was eased out of College aud began to ramble In the daisy-dotted Field of Literature, It never would have been suspected that be bad this lurking Determination to Prove to the whole World that he was a Heller. He was skinny and wore powerful Glasses and bad a bulging Head, like the large end of a Gourd. He was bashful in Company. Strangers often asked If he had passed through any Serious Illness when qtlte Young. It nn attractive Cutle gave him a couple of roguish Looks and began to ask him pert Questions, he yammered for a little While and then sank below the ' Horizon. Who would have dared to predict that Herbert J. Prangle was planning to write Love Stories so sizzling that he would have to use Asbestos Paper? To look at bira he was just as pas sionate as a ltubber Glove. Even as the bloody Historical Ro mances are written by slender Maid ens just out of Smith College, and all that Free Verse about Nymphs danc ing In the shndowy Wildwood Is turned ont by hard-faced old Grouches wear- ! Ing Overshoes, and Advice to the l.ovo Lorn comes from a Police Reporter, so it was Inevitable that this Clam would write about heaving Bosoms and Cling ing Kisses. For a long Time the Immediate Friends and Relatives little suspected his Intentions. He kept on producing Manuscripts that were rejected with Thanks. They put up with his De lusions and kept him hidden away In a Cheerful Room where they would not have to look at him very often. Then there came a Day when the Book Reviewers all began to gibber and say that a New Light had ap peared In the Heavens and it was Some Light About 2,000 Candle Power. They agreed that Herbert J. Pran gle, author of "Seared Souls," was In decent, audacious and salacious but a Master Analyst of all the Fundamen tal Emotions and a Genlns with a large G. All at once his apologetic Kin be gan running up and down the Streets asking everyone, "Have you read Her bert's new Book?" soon aner me volume naa oeen barred from many Libraries and de nounced from the Piflpit, and Holly wood was demanding the Picture Rights, and the Tremolo Sisters were camped on the Front Porch to inter view the daring and devilish Author, it Is claimed that Herbert received, in one Day, no less than 100 Requests for Photographs and Autographs. The Glare of the Limelight. For a matter of Years he had waited and hoped for this Day to come. All through the toilsome Nights he had been sustained by an intrepid Belief that some Day the World would sim ply have to recognize him. He felt within himself the Pulsations of True Greatness and he knew that, eventual ly, the Universe would vibrate in Sym pathy. Well, he began to get the Vibrations and they nearly ruined him. He sud denly discovered that One may not ac quire one Portion of Fame without taking on about three Portions of cheap, low-down Notoriety Herbert, the shrinking Violet, suddenly found himself in a Class with the Ford Joke, the Radio, the Statue of Liberty and Ziegfeld's Follies. All the Farm 1 Hands in Iowa were fully informed regarding his Peculiarities and Eccen tricities and blighted Loffe Affairs. He found that he could not stir out of Doors without being trailed by a brazen Hussy In shameless Attire and sticky Rouge, known as Publicity. He ' learned, in a Hurry, that the 1-aurel Wreath had a lot of Thorns in it. J Strangers crawled up the Fire Escape to get a Look at him in his own Room. The Public Prints were full of veiled References to his Checkered Ca reer and it was whispered about, tin- , der Cover, that his tough Novel was really a Story of his Own Life. Which was fairly hard on a harm less Boob who .was Just as pure as Rainwater. If a distant Relation, whom he nev er bad seen, got Into a Ja? anywhere. It always came out In the Dispatches that the accused Party wns a Cousin of the well known Novelist. This Is known as Advertising. Ilr. Prangle reeelved countless In vitations to address the Women and the Rotariuns and the Free Thinkers, hut he could not generate sufficient Vocal Energy to make Himself heard to Himself. In fact, he couldn't do anything except sit In a Back Room and write on Paper. When the fierce j Glare sinote him he wis scorched to a Cinder. At present his unmarried sister has him up In the Woods, feeding him Gluten Biscuits and Milk. MORAL: It Is almost Impossible for a Drum Major to pan along Main Street without being noticed. Sells Motor for $5; Loses It to Court New York.?Vincent Costelln. thirty seven, sold Ills automobile for $3 and turned the key over to the purchaser. The new owner allowed the car to stand nil nlgtu in front of Co* tello's store at 804 Ninth avenue and In the morning a policeman gave Costello a ticket for parking. Magistrate Mcilee fined Coated" the $5 he bad received for the cnr. "PICTURE BRIDE" IS GRETA GARBO Story of a Man, a Woman and : a Photograph. Montreal.?Henry I'rysky came from I one of the central European countries lo Quebec some years nun, took up land, cleared It and. In time, built him self a cottage. lie said to himself: "Now, the only thing larking Is a wife. A good, strong girl from the old country, one who isn't afraid of hard work." He wrole out an advertisement and Sent it to a newspaper Id his home country. The result was a deluge of applications. All the sirls?except one?described their qualifications. They would milk cows, drive a plow?or pull It, If need be; they could make butter, bake bread and they knew how to cook, scrub nnd sew. But the letter which caught his bachelor fancy promised none of these useful things. It was "beautifully written," as he said later. He an swered It, asking for a photograph of the writer. A photograph arrived and complet ed the conquest which the letter had begun. The next letter from the old coun try said the girl was ready to leave for Canada at any time, but would Henry send Sots) with her ticket so she could buy a little trousseau. Henry would, and did. When the ship on which sl^ was to sail reached Quebec he was at the docks. But the bride was not on board. Henry took his troubles to a lawyer. "You have a picture of the lady?" the lawyer asked. "I.et me see It." Henry handed it over. It was a photograph of Greta Garbo. Twelve-Year-Old Girl Chained Up Two Years Camden, N. J.?New friends in Cam den's detention home brought happi ness to I,ena Persians, twelve-year old slave, whose mother chained her "like j a dog" while she made lamp shades for her parents to sell. The mother refused to kiss her | daughter alTer her cruelty was con demned in court and father and moth er were held for trial. The undernourished girl's big, brown eves were a Are as she told how she had been chained by the legs during a two year period. She recalled vivid ly the day her mother first chained I her when she was a little more than I ten years old. The other flay the little girl broke j the lock on her chain, ran away and j fell Into the hands of the Society for ' the Prevention of Cruelty to Children. I So Judge Pancoast committed her to- the house of detention while he j sought a home for her. Gets Back His $2,500, Forgets "Thank You:' New York.?Ahe Herman, who runs j a locksmith's shop at 124 Featherbed Ijine, the Bronx, still can't figure If out. "I was here alone." he said, "when in walks one of those professional looking men?a lawyer, I guess. 1 make a key for him and he walks out. "After he's gone. I notice he's left a package behind. I open It and it s a lot of *20 bills?82.VWI in *20 hills. That's a lot of dough thes.? days. I'm wondering what to do with It when the customer returns for his package. ! 'Ho yon know what's In this? he asks. ? ?Sure.' I says, 'two and a half grand.' I That's right/ he answers, and then j walks out with the *2..VX) without say- j Ing as much as Thank you/ Can you beat Itr Mother Catches Baby on Fly When Taxi Tosses It New York.?Mrs. Mary f.euch turned j outfielder In front of 1487 First nre nue and so saved her baby from po* slide death. Mr*. I?euch. who lives at 328 Fast Pevenf hy-elghth street, was chatting with a friend when a taxlcnh barked Info her baby carriage which was her son, Leo. three monlhs* old. The Impact hurled the baby high in to the air. Mrs. fetich turned. Jumped forward and caught her hurtling bnhy. The cab aped away. The baby wasn't even bruised. I ' I Huge British War Memorial at Thiepval LARGEST of sll the World irar memorials so far erected In France la this Impres sive monument built at Thlepral to com memorate the 73,413 British soldiers who 1 died Id the battles of the Somme. It was dedicated recently, the prince of Wales pre siding at the ceremony and eminent men of all nations participating. THE CHILDREN'S STORY By THORNTON W. BURGESS r*F"Tvrj ninniT ho.i ? ? -?>?:>>i? ** ?- ?-?- ? m, - - *"?*"" ' ???? VI ?? '1UVCI ?VTC1 * ing inside. Yes, sir. he did. It wasn't a comfortable feeling. It was the feeling that he was going to see something dreadful happen, something which he couldn't stop, no matter how much he wanted to. You see from where he was sitting on the bank of the Laughing Brook below the Smiling Pool he looked right across to a big sandbank near the top of which was a hole which was the entrance to the home of Battles the Kingfisher, and right down below him in the Laugh ing Brook was Billy Mink swimming I straight across with his beady little eyes fixed on the doorway, lie was swimming very fast, was Billy Mink, as If In a great hurry. Peter guessed why Billy was in such a hurry. He guesed that Billy had guessed there were young kingfishers in that home in the sandbank, and that Billy, who has a liking for young birds, was in a hurry to get them for his dinner before Battles, their father, should return from the Smiling Pool where he was fishing. Now Pet eg never harms anyone himself, and he cannot hear to think of anyone else being harmed, but he knows that Billy Mink cannot live on grass and vege tables and bark, as he can. So he knew that Billy was doing nothing wrong in trying to get a dinner of those young Kingfishers. He had boon born a hunter, and he was sim ply obeying :the natural instinct to fill his empty stomach. He was not breaking one of Old Mother Nature's laws. Billy Mink had simply been smart enough to do what Peter him self had done?find the home of Bat tles the Kingfisher?and now it was for Rattles himself to protect his babies. Still Peter wished with all his might that he could do something to save those babies. If only Battles would come back! He even thought of rtin- | ning with all his might up to the Smil ing Pool and warning Battles of the irumic unii^tT WHICH HIS lUIDIPS WIT*? in, but he knew that by the time he could do this it would be too late. If only Battles would return: Hilly had reached the shore and was standing perfectly still listening and sniffing, lie took a step forward. At that very Instant the harsh voice of (tattles sounded up the Laughing Brook. Like a flash Hilly Mink turned and dived. Feter ducked out of sight with a sigh of relief. Down the Laughing Brook came Battles with a tiny fish and vanished in the hole in the sand bank. There was nothing to warn him that anyone had been near. It wasn't long before he was out again and olT for another fish. The Instant he was out of sight Billy Mink was once more at the foot of the sandbank. Where he had come from Heter didn't know. You know there Is a saying that Billy Mink can hide in his own shadow. This time he promptly began to scramble up the hank. It was clear that he wanted to get those babies and get away before Battles returned. Feter wished that something would happen to stop Billy. How he did wish it! But nothing did, save that the sand was so loose that it kept slipping under Billy's feet, ami he made slow work of climbing up to that hole. But at last lie reached It. He sniffed cautiously, and It seemed to Feter that he could almost see a smile of satisfaction cross Billy's sharp little brown face. Then Billy put his head inside and his body followed. "Oh. dear! Oh, dear!" cried Feter. "Oh. dear! Oh dear!" And big tears filled his eyes. But Feter wept too soon. it. 1132. by T. W.BurffM )-WNU Service. Trimmed With Beaver One of the latest of Parisian fash Ion creations In this wool and silk belje frock trimmed with bearer fur. PDNFPS During the Napoleonic wars, crowned head* were trembling In their shoes. BONERS are actual humorous tidbits found in examination pa pers, essays, etc.. by teachers. "The railroads watered their stock." This means that they took out the horses and cattle and gave tbera a drink. ? ? ? f.ady Macbeth was a pitiful figure. Groans were Issuing from every part of her body. v ? ? ? A saga was a pitiless warrior but a kind and loving husband. ? ? ? Facetious Is a term used to denote the followers of Mussolini. ? ? ? A good orator breathes through his diagram. ? ? ? Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet, <C> lilt Bell Syt>41e?<e.V?TTJfV Service. ' Greatest Athlete Jim Bausch was crowned the lead ing athlete of the world when he won Hie decathlon in the Olympic games at Los Angeles. Jim. who hails from Kansas, was first In the ten event con test with 8,462.23 points, a record breaking total. UNUSUAL BUTTERS i LJ UNCEIl Is the best sauce," we *> * all know, and good sweet bread and butter t? always a feast for the hungry. Hut for appetite that needs stimulating, these hutters uill help the tickling of the palate: Green Butter. Take a small green onion, four sprigs of parsley, two branches of pepper grass or water cress, one half cupful of butter, one and one half tenspoonfuls of salt and one-half salt spoonful of cayenne pepper. Mix well all but the butter, then add the butter and mix again and pass through a sieve Int# a bowL IMare In a cool place until required for use. Herb Gutter. Mix one-half cupful of butter with one tenspoonful of chopped fresh para ley, one-half teaspoonful of powdered savory, one teaspoonful of lemon Juice, one-half teaspoonful of salt, one-fourth tenspoonful of white pep per. Keep In a cool place. Nice served over lamb chops or steak. Horseradish Butter Take one-half cupful of fresh butter and add one tablespoonfu) of fresh grated horseradish. Mix well with a fork and add one tablespoonful of minced parsley. Put into s Jar and keep In a cool place. This is very good with fish. Bacon or Ham Butter. Fry thin slices of lean ham or ba con, drain and pound to a paste on a meat board or In a mortar. Add enough butter to make a smooth paste. ! To two tablespoonfu Is of the paste add one teaspoonful of horseradish or mustard. Creole Butter. Take one-half cupful of butter, two saltspoonfuls of ground mustard, two teaspoonfuls of vinegar, two tea spoon fills of Worcestershire sauce, one fourth teaspoonful of 6aIt. one-fourth teaspoonful of cayenne, two hard- - cooked egg yolks; mash the yolks and mix well all the ingredients together. ? 1932. Western Newspaper Union. Bound to Clear By DOUGLAS MALLOCH MY FRIEND Tom Wall ain't aad at all. For here's his letter here. U's dark today, but anyway, Tom says "it's bound to clear." Twas Just a note that Tom Wall wrote (About a deal we had) That did not whine, without a Una That said the times were bad. When skies of blue get gray (they do), Some men set down and quit. They might work on till clouds are gone. But that, of course, takes grit It's easier to say, "No, sir. It ain't no time to buy? It's ralnin' cats and dogs, and that's No time to sell, or try." He ain't (Tom Wall) that way at alL If It's too wet to plow. He'll build a bin to put things in A little while from now. It's rained before, will rain some more. And then the harvest's here. The world's all wet. but Tom s all set? "The skies are bound to clear." C? 1932. Douclu Malioch.)? WNU Servlc*. WAV A KNCWS-I "Pop, what it bread?" "What the world hat but still kneads." c. m* Bell Ijredlcats.?WXC Service. King George Is a Real Sailorman KING GEOKGE of England was trained In the royal nary In bla younger day a and has nerer lost bla fondness for tbe sea or bis skill as a mariner. He Is here seen helping tbe crew of his yacbt Brltanla during the Jloyal South impton Yacht club regatta at Coves. Tbe race was won by his majesty's boat. ' '? jl 3 ? - J
The Alamance Gleaner (Graham, N.C.)
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Sept. 8, 1932, edition 1
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