Newspapers / The Alamance Gleaner (Graham, … / April 30, 1942, edition 1 / Page 7
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OUR COMIC SECTION PETER B. PEEVE ^WNU Service) p o IP ?y J. Millar Watt ?WNU ANy s GOMPL Al MTS I ? tf> ! ?? T?. MI flnw-ra yes! this stuff defies the law of gravity HOW 9 IT'S AS H&AVy AS LEAD ^ % -AND WON'T GO DOWN I s 'M A T T E R P O P By C. M. Payne vWNU npop. i must say r -rol>'re 6100?!/^ f remark/ vvjpb <?,IDDY ? MUTINY, L. ? r4 CERTAIN V ^ VOUfcE. CSIDTJY, POP j y ^SURE.POPt <SIDDV V ? UP, (SlDDY UP, V 6IDDV UP 1 KbSBaam/ lis NOT TELLING "Papa insists that I wait until I am thirty before I get married." "In other words, he insists that you never marry." strone Man A man was boasting of his strength, and how he had once felled an ox by a blow from his list. "That's not bad," said a listener, "but I once saw a chap knock down a factory with one blow of a ham mer." "Some Samson, that chap!" sneered the boaster. "No," replied the other. "He wasn't much of a chap to look at, but he was a swell auctioneer!" ON THE HOOF "How much do you think Brown's worth?" "Are you asking about hi* ef ficiency or his financial condition?" w ' GASOLINE CRISIS QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS Q.?When I get into a filling sta tion can I get all the gas I want? A ?It will de pend on how many cars have been ahead ol you. Q.?If I drive into a station and say "Fill her up," what answer will i geir A.?No answer; just a laugh. ... Q.?Will I be able to buy gas at any hour of the day or night? A.?That depends on your luck. Q.?My luck when out of gas has ?never been hot. So what? A.?So you'd better realize that under the new orders no gas station may be open more than 12 hours a day, and there is no telling which 12 hours a station may choose. Q.?You mean that if I run short of gas between six at night and six in the morning I may find the near est pumping stations only operate during the day, and if I run short during the day I may find the near est stations only run nights? A.?It's wonderful how quickly you grasp an idea. Q.?Isn't this a little screwy? A.?How so? Q.?I mean isn't it better for all gas stations to keep open certain specific hours as under the previ ous ban, so that any autoist may plan his travels intelligently? A.?What makes you think auto ists plan their travels intelligently? Q.?May dealers stagger their hours; that is, open from 10 to noon, ciose irom noon to 2 p. m., reopen from 2 to 4, etc.? A.?Yes. Q.?What would be the sense of ? this? A. ? Well, it ? would add a spec ulative appeal to the whole thing. Q.?Would it appeal to the Ameri can public? A.?Look how bingo is doing! * ? ? Q.?What is the guiding rule for gas sellers? A.?The whole idea is to fill simply the minimum requirements of essential users. Q.?What is an essential user? A.?An essential user is an auto ist whose driving is necessary. Q.?For instance? A.?Doctors, army and navy men, nurses, government officials, etc., are people whose use of a car is necessary. Q.?Then can I get all the gas I need if I take a nurse out for a ride? A.?Yes, but it will be smarter if you use her car and get her to take you out for a ride. Q.?Would it be all right for me to have ten gallons now? J-?) A.?Have you stopped to think that ten gallons of gas might be the deciding fac tor in a vital tank battle at the front? Q. ? Should I make it seven gallons? A.?Don't you realize that seven gallons of gas might get the valiant men out of a tight spot in India? Q.?I'll take Ave. A.?Do you realize that with war engulfing the whole civilized world every gallon of . . . Q.?Stop. I get it. Lemme have a half pint! A.?You're hopeless. ? ? ? INSPIRATION The more I study the "heathen Chinee" The less I seem to think of me; The patient way he takes hla lot Convinces me I'm not so hot. And as I watch that Russian bear My cockiness seems quite unfair; As I see Stalin and his brood, I ask myself, "Am I THAT good?" ? ? ? J. Dorsey's reaction to the Presi dent's war budget is to rise and ex claim that fifty billion dollars can't be wrong. ? ? ? Darned clever with women, those Van Steeds. ? ? ? In this rubber shortage, has no body, looking for a rubber substi tute, thought of looking through all lunchroom portions of turkey a la king? ? ? ? TODAY'S PATHETIC CASE A citizen in front of a closed gas station with two flat tires, a cup of coffee, one lump of sugar and a set of rules from Washington! ? ? ? BREVITY IN THE AIR A naval flier sent this laconic re port to his commander: "Sighted sub; sank same." Had he been a "versiflier" he might have put It; Sighted Sub; sank same Sought more; none came? All gone; can't blame? This life too tame. ? ? ? But real brevity might have re quired: Sunk boat; Unquote. ?Bar Defease Beads? Lovely Curtains Easy to Make \VTHAT could be more charming " ? than these fresh, flowing cur tains of white organdie, crowned with such lovely artificial flowers! I You can make them easily your self?ruffles, swag and all?with a few professional hints. ? ? ? Simple, with our 32-page instruction booklet to guide you! Show* with dia grams and pictures how to make swags and cascades, fitted valances, French pleats, cornices and many lovely curtain and drapery styles. Send your order to: 1 READBR HOMI SERVICE tU Sixth Avenoe New Terk City Enclose 19 cents for your copy of NEW IDEAS IN MAKING CUR TAINS AND DRAPERIES. Name Address Streamlining The streamlining ol airplanes has been developed to a point where, lor example, the wind re sistance of a modern single-engine pursuit machine, at any speed, is no greater than that ol a flat plate 22 inches square. REASON IT OUT AND YOUH rKS?" 3*SS5 ? In NR (Nature's Remedy) Tablet*, there are n? chenw-ala. no mmerala, mm phenol derivatives. NR Tabieta an different?act different. Purtly mlmtk ?a cneabioation of 10 vegetable mgra dienta formulated over SO year* ago. lincoated or candy coated, their action ia dependable, thorough, yet foitle. aa miiiinna of NfTi have proved. Get a KM Convmcer Box. Larger econoenyaoea. tea W TO-KMMT: TOtKHMW AUHSMT READ THE ADS IMPERIAL SEAT I COVERS I Keep the I interior of your V car looking like new. Cooler for ? Protection for | upholstery ? Colorful, rich' looking plaid ? Tailored fit, lock stitched seems 6" BE ALERT?GUARD AGAINST IGNITION FAILURES NOW! fireifone standard battery Replace your weak battery today aod avoid starting trouble User. Firestone Standard has heavy inter-locked plates. Fil-O Matic cover and lead bushings to prevent leakage and corrosion. low'u 7.95 START QUICKER ?HAVE A SMOOTHER RUNNING MOTOR OR YOUR MONEY BACK POLONIUM SPARK PLUGS Special Polonium electrode createe a hotter spark, quicker starting and makes you motor run smoother or tout mooey is 55? t NEWS AND MUSIC WHILE YOU DRIVE AUTO RADIO 49.95 Keep in [ouch with dm news while you drive. Know whet1* going on during blsck-outi. This 8-tube radio gives ran knees reception end bee Tri Matic tone control. STOP GAS THEFT LOCKING GAS CAPS Positive locking, dust proof, waterproof, will not freeze or stick. Prevents 1.29 PROTECT AGAINST ACCIDENTS WITH Wig-Wag Safety Signal 1.98 Warns on-coating cars. Unusual aaist; stop lights Attracts actantioa by t ashing tad signal. Cats ba monntfd easily License plat*. 100 ?M0 PACK AM Of WMOI EES ZINNIA SEEDS VSE THE fire*fon? extra Dl A U mileage rian All YOU Do la Register Your Cmr Yoo Gtt Thtst Stnricts ffttl Your tires are Safti-Branded with your initials to protect against theft. You get a windshield emblem assuring you of preferred service. Your car is given a monthly coo nervation Inspection. You are advised of any services necessary. You receive monthly inspection reminders. You pay only for what you order and order only what you want. ?M|fl millftlfl*! M Rr* 1WB rWIIVIIVR ? wl Sifti-Brill I TOM MTUUS M MM MB | FREE '-Er'j CfMB-ap-lriffcfwhip J KARFOAM lUmoKi sludge, dirt, grease, film. We 1 SIMONIZ Either KJeeocr or *"? 49e Chroma Polish Easiir and qoicfclr applied. 39e Weei Wedi MM Made to .alio orae poor hand. Me FolUitof Cloth Fine foe boose 39e It yds. Whlak Broom A 10* broom. Long wearing. 39e Also has aaaa? uses in the home. 35c Trl-Kall Grille 6uri 4.89 A deluxe guard with heavy 14" uprights end croee-rode. With replecemeot parte hard to get. pteteut damage due to sctideatm Ontart Jam *?*Sfi1iii^il???<Wi I I . Iln I LI l|iN.>&M>lm l
The Alamance Gleaner (Graham, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
April 30, 1942, edition 1
7
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