OUR COMIC SECTION
PETER
B.
PEEVE
^WNU Service)
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J. Millar Watt
?WNU
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yes! this
stuff defies
the law of
gravity
HOW
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AS LEAD
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-AND WON'T
GO DOWN
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By
C. M. Payne
vWNU
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MUTINY,
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CERTAIN V ^
VOUfcE.
CSIDTJY, POP j
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? UP, (SlDDY UP,
V 6IDDV UP 1
KbSBaam/ lis
NOT TELLING
"Papa insists that I wait until I
am thirty before I get married."
"In other words, he insists that
you never marry."
strone Man
A man was boasting of his
strength, and how he had once
felled an ox by a blow from his list.
"That's not bad," said a listener,
"but I once saw a chap knock down
a factory with one blow of a ham
mer."
"Some Samson, that chap!"
sneered the boaster.
"No," replied the other. "He
wasn't much of a chap to look at,
but he was a swell auctioneer!"
ON THE HOOF
"How much do you think Brown's
worth?"
"Are you asking about hi* ef
ficiency or his financial condition?"
w '
GASOLINE CRISIS QUESTIONS
AND ANSWERS
Q.?When I get into a filling sta
tion can I get all the gas I want?
A ?It will de
pend on how
many cars have
been ahead ol
you.
Q.?If I drive
into a station and
say "Fill her up,"
what answer will
i geir
A.?No answer; just a laugh.
...
Q.?Will I be able to buy gas at
any hour of the day or night?
A.?That depends on your luck.
Q.?My luck when out of gas has
?never been hot. So what?
A.?So you'd better realize that
under the new orders no gas station
may be open more than 12 hours a
day, and there is no telling which
12 hours a station may choose.
Q.?You mean that if I run short
of gas between six at night and six
in the morning I may find the near
est pumping stations only operate
during the day, and if I run short
during the day I may find the near
est stations only run nights?
A.?It's wonderful how quickly
you grasp an idea.
Q.?Isn't this a little screwy?
A.?How so?
Q.?I mean isn't it better for all
gas stations to keep open certain
specific hours as under the previ
ous ban, so that any autoist may
plan his travels intelligently?
A.?What makes you think auto
ists plan their travels intelligently?
Q.?May dealers stagger their
hours; that is, open from 10 to noon,
ciose irom noon
to 2 p. m., reopen
from 2 to 4, etc.?
A.?Yes.
Q.?What would
be the sense of ?
this?
A. ? Well, it ?
would add a spec
ulative appeal to the whole thing.
Q.?Would it appeal to the Ameri
can public?
A.?Look how bingo is doing!
* ? ?
Q.?What is the guiding rule for
gas sellers?
A.?The whole idea is to fill
simply the minimum requirements
of essential users.
Q.?What is an essential user?
A.?An essential user is an auto
ist whose driving is necessary.
Q.?For instance?
A.?Doctors, army and navy men,
nurses, government officials, etc.,
are people whose use of a car is
necessary.
Q.?Then can I get all the gas I
need if I take a nurse out for a ride?
A.?Yes, but it will be smarter if
you use her car and get her to take
you out for a ride.
Q.?Would it be all right for me
to have ten gallons now?
J-?) A.?Have you
stopped to think
that ten gallons
of gas might be
the deciding fac
tor in a vital tank
battle at the
front?
Q. ? Should I
make it seven gallons?
A.?Don't you realize that seven
gallons of gas might get the valiant
men out of a tight spot in India?
Q.?I'll take Ave.
A.?Do you realize that with war
engulfing the whole civilized world
every gallon of . . .
Q.?Stop. I get it. Lemme have
a half pint!
A.?You're hopeless.
? ? ?
INSPIRATION
The more I study the "heathen
Chinee"
The less I seem to think of me;
The patient way he takes hla lot
Convinces me I'm not so hot.
And as I watch that Russian bear
My cockiness seems quite unfair;
As I see Stalin and his brood,
I ask myself, "Am I THAT good?"
? ? ?
J. Dorsey's reaction to the Presi
dent's war budget is to rise and ex
claim that fifty billion dollars can't
be wrong.
? ? ?
Darned clever with women, those
Van Steeds.
? ? ?
In this rubber shortage, has no
body, looking for a rubber substi
tute, thought of looking through all
lunchroom portions of turkey a la
king?
? ? ?
TODAY'S PATHETIC CASE
A citizen in front of a closed gas
station with two flat tires, a cup of
coffee, one lump of sugar and a set
of rules from Washington!
? ? ?
BREVITY IN THE AIR
A naval flier sent this laconic re
port to his commander: "Sighted
sub; sank same." Had he been
a "versiflier" he might have put It;
Sighted Sub; sank same
Sought more; none came?
All gone; can't blame?
This life too tame.
? ? ?
But real brevity might have re
quired:
Sunk boat;
Unquote.
?Bar Defease Beads?
Lovely Curtains Easy to Make
\VTHAT could be more charming
" ? than these fresh, flowing cur
tains of white organdie, crowned
with such lovely artificial flowers!
I
You can make them easily your
self?ruffles, swag and all?with a
few professional hints.
? ? ?
Simple, with our 32-page instruction
booklet to guide you! Show* with dia
grams and pictures how to make swags
and cascades, fitted valances, French
pleats, cornices and many lovely curtain
and drapery styles. Send your order to:
1
READBR HOMI SERVICE
tU Sixth Avenoe New Terk City
Enclose 19 cents for your copy of
NEW IDEAS IN MAKING CUR
TAINS AND DRAPERIES.
Name
Address
Streamlining
The streamlining ol airplanes
has been developed to a point
where, lor example, the wind re
sistance of a modern single-engine
pursuit machine, at any speed, is
no greater than that ol a flat plate
22 inches square.
REASON IT OUT AND YOUH
rKS?"
3*SS5
? In NR (Nature's Remedy) Tablet*,
there are n? chenw-ala. no mmerala, mm
phenol derivatives. NR Tabieta an
different?act different. Purtly mlmtk
?a cneabioation of 10 vegetable mgra
dienta formulated over SO year* ago.
lincoated or candy coated, their action
ia dependable, thorough, yet foitle. aa
miiiinna of NfTi have proved. Get a KM
Convmcer Box. Larger econoenyaoea. tea
W TO-KMMT: TOtKHMW AUHSMT
READ THE ADS
IMPERIAL
SEAT
I COVERS
I Keep the
I interior of your
V car looking like
new. Cooler for
? Protection for
| upholstery
? Colorful, rich'
looking plaid
? Tailored fit, lock
stitched seems
6"
BE ALERT?GUARD AGAINST IGNITION
FAILURES NOW!
fireifone standard battery
Replace your weak battery
today aod avoid starting trouble
User. Firestone Standard has
heavy inter-locked plates. Fil-O
Matic cover and lead bushings
to prevent leakage and
corrosion.
low'u 7.95
START QUICKER ?HAVE A SMOOTHER RUNNING
MOTOR OR YOUR MONEY BACK
POLONIUM
SPARK PLUGS
Special Polonium electrode
createe a hotter spark, quicker
starting and makes you motor
run smoother or tout mooey is
55?
t
NEWS AND MUSIC WHILE YOU DRIVE
AUTO RADIO
49.95
Keep in [ouch with dm news
while you drive. Know whet1*
going on during blsck-outi.
This 8-tube radio gives ran
knees reception end bee Tri
Matic tone control.
STOP GAS THEFT
LOCKING
GAS CAPS
Positive locking, dust proof,
waterproof, will not freeze or
stick. Prevents 1.29
PROTECT AGAINST ACCIDENTS WITH
Wig-Wag
Safety Signal
1.98
Warns on-coating cars.
Unusual aaist; stop lights
Attracts actantioa by t ashing
tad signal. Cats ba monntfd
easily License plat*.
100 ?M0 PACK AM Of WMOI
EES ZINNIA SEEDS
VSE THE
fire*fon?
extra Dl A U
mileage rian
All YOU Do la Register Your Cmr
Yoo Gtt Thtst Stnricts ffttl
Your tires are Safti-Branded with
your initials to protect against theft.
You get a windshield emblem
assuring you of preferred service.
Your car is given a monthly coo
nervation
Inspection.
You are
advised of
any services
necessary.
You receive
monthly
inspection
reminders.
You pay
only for
what you
order and
order only
what you
want.
?M|fl millftlfl*! M
Rr* 1WB rWIIVIIVR ?
wl Sifti-Brill I
TOM MTUUS M MM MB |
FREE '-Er'j
CfMB-ap-lriffcfwhip J
KARFOAM
lUmoKi sludge,
dirt, grease, film.
We 1
SIMONIZ
Either KJeeocr
or *"? 49e
Chroma Polish
Easiir and qoicfclr
applied. 39e
Weei Wedi MM
Made to .alio
orae poor hand.
Me
FolUitof Cloth
Fine foe boose
39e
It yds.
Whlak Broom
A 10* broom.
Long wearing.
39e
Also has aaaa?
uses in the home.
35c
Trl-Kall Grille 6uri
4.89
A deluxe guard with heavy 14"
uprights end croee-rode. With
replecemeot parte hard to get.
pteteut damage due to sctideatm
Ontart Jam *?*Sfi1iii^il???<Wi I I . Iln I LI l|iN.>&M>lm l