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j4juaaaaaaaa,i. '2"II"S":"& fr CLUB RATES. Yearly Subscriptions. In ISSUED BI-WEEKLY, r-r-ikY--r tt tTTe-rTTYrr,r"V'fcTc Clubs of Four,$i. 2 VOL. XIII. MORAVIAN FALLS, N. C, THURSDAY, SEPT. 5, 1907. NO. 18. stem OOOOOOOCOCOOOPOOOGOOCOOOPO r 8 b 3i I 1.3 I Editorial O O O O Jxxjooooooooooooooooos - f j The trouble with Wall Street pan ics here of late is the country will not take them seriously. AAA I Senator Tillman says ; Mr. jBryan iq lacking in judgment. That settles it, Billic. Your : sun is set. j : Democratic ysuccess t nationally means hard times individually to the American people. - i a A A Alt- Prkffpllfr savs thf flie has to play mule and draw I the wagon, while everybody else rides. Git-up, John! i t J A A A - I f The courts can hardly pile i p fines fast enough against the Standard Oil Company to even phase the profits of that concern. It's folly to try it. Senator Beveridge, of Indiana; has gone and got married. He won't have so much" time now to hi ve fun with Bryan thru The Readei j Mag azine. A corn crop of 2,760,000,000 bush els is a monster for 1907. It gives each man, woman and child thrrty live bushels. 'Rah for our prosper- ity! . i 4- j ! We should like to knowvhy Wall Street wants a, Southern man for President. There must be some fun ny business in such a preference. 2 Mr. Brvan will sound ihis keynote in Indiana in November, h What would -the Democrats do' ifl their champion should suddenly lose his voice? A A A Col. Henrv Watterson is doEng his best to convince William J. Bryan that he is too good a man Hto be butchered next year, but! he can't do her. A The Empress Dowager of China is going to abdicate again. The bid soul abdicates about as! oft fen as Castro of Venezuela dies AAA i Hair splitters about state rights ought to be herded off togetner and shot into with a gatling guii.llThere is no room in this country now for their kind of cattle. ! A A A j j North Dakota wants j 10,006 more laborers. All right, but ths only idle people in this country ;ire the hoboes. What if they ! shot Id all pull for North Dakota? AAA j One of the Democratic hari angues is, "Let the people rule' If tfiey are not running this country j along about now, we can't see straight. Put this in your corn-cob pipe and snioke.it. A & A 1 Coxey's Army is. said; 'to De get ting ready for another marcn. Its object must be to drown the noise of the farmers who are clamoring for harvest hands. : 1 ; A A A j Who will run for President on the Republican ticket : in 1908? t may be Hughes, or it may be Ta ;t you can bet your life it won t be graft. AAA The Democratic party, is strug- gling hard to stay alive, but like the old Arkansas lady once I said to her husband, "It iist 'pears 1 like it was fore-ordained to die a fatal death. AAA j One of these days the trusts will tumble to the racket that trie con stitution and laws" -of the country apply to them as well as j to the com mon people. . - . . 4 : : I ' ' Everybody jump in now ar d help us kick the Standard iOil O.ctupus. But we must besure . first tiat we have it started down hill. It might fool us a trip, doncherknow. A, A A j : , The United States is ! largely Re publican, yet some of the states .will still insist on planting goobers inthe dark of the moon and har zesting .votes before they get good ribe. . AAA - - .: A prohibition speaker do wn in Texas by the name of "Cyclorie" Da vis says he is going to sweep I every drop of likker and lager beer into the two oceans. We 1 are jus : wait ing to see him tackle Milwaukee. - A A ".. .; j When Secretary Taft 'gets to Ja pan and the little brown people get a good square look at this big and handsome representative Anerican It T li'UL. 4.U Ml -w miy Lucy a iiui say wc arc nation of dwarfs. 1 . i. ; (( 4 j ' is ,tncrc plenty of room ir heav en? inquires a writer in a irginia paper Well, we should shigger. it will be one place where the mon key will not be crowded. ' v te A A A " : ! . ; "The rich are servants I of tt e ; pub jje, says Mr. Rockefeller. This , will rf a bit - hard for the average so W!r understand in the light of Webster's definition of a servants Spikes A' far-seeing Democrat says the only way to get tariff reduction is to convert Congress. Look out for another Coxey army. : : S S ' The Democrats are endeavoring to patch up a truce between the war ring factions of their party before the comihg of that great and dread ful day of the Lord in 1908. . ' -A A A The Democrats are getting uneasy about the "Solid Souths again. Let it be a little surcease to their sorrow ful apprehensions that the Republi cans do no count on sweeping Miss issippi and Texas. j v 4 Uncle Joe Cannon's boom for the Presidency is not j worrying him much. He says-just let her boom he's got plenty to live on if he never does get to be President. J 5 Every time a Democratic wind jammer opens his leather lungs old Satan punches up his fires in Hades he knows that something will be doing pretty soon. & A A v That world-peace discussed so eloquently at The Hague seems to be the article that is only made sure by monster battleships and big mouthed cannons. 2 On his tour of the world Secretary Taft will follow-closely Mr. Bryan's route. Look out, the Nebraskan will be accusing the big secretary of stealing some of his foreign issues. A A . Prof. Shaler Matthews says "mar riage is too much , like a picnic." He failed to explain ii what way but it is to be inferred that he meant that its sweets were of such short dur ation. - A A A "The country needs more Governor Comers," says The Commoner. A number of people, however, are glad that Mr. Bryan cannot force upon the country a free-coinage-of-govern-ors lunacy, AAA It is announced that the coffin trust will not be prosecuted until all the others are laid low. Very sQnsible.ideacoffins will! be . needed, you know, in which to inter the re mains of the busted trusts. - k AAA Seventy-five thousand is the price the king of Siam paid for a thimble for his wife. Such a man would probably expend several million dol lars for a sewing-machine for his wife if he could find one that expen sive. AAA A Democrat out in Missouri fig ures it this way: The Democrats lost out in 1896 by 600,000 votes; in 1900 by 800,000; in 1904 by 2,000, 000, and in 1908 by 3,000,000. Pretty fair calculator, brother. & A A "Meanwhile," screams the Demo cratic papers, "the big surplus keeps rolling up." Nobody is caring but the pie-hungry Democrats. Just let her roll. Uncle Sam's pockets, are large and deep. i ; A A A So far, we haven't noticed or heard of a single kick being register ed against tKe defeat of Gov. Varde man over in Mississippi. Apparently the whole blessed country is rejoic ing that he got it in the neck. AAA A former mayor- of Louisville, de posed along with 2,000 -other office holders on account of election frauds, has committed suicide. The Goebel law fraud tragedies appear to have no end to them. AAA v The Republicans of Kentucky nev er had a better show in their lives. They ought to elect their entire state ticket from constable to gov ernor. It would ; be the 0 opening bomb of the campaign of 1908. f :i AAA J ; The Democratic bickerings at the Republican party is like a fice dog sitting on his tail and barking at the moon.v You've noticed that the moon sails on serenely thru stellar space, haven't you? - - i & A A Democrats are trying to get funny ai.ouf tariff revision. Just keep your socks" on and rycur hair combed Thf R'. publicans have the I matte r in hand ard will manage the tariiT. Let this scak into your think-traps. ' . A 'A A ' -A Texas Congressman recently de livered an encomium on the ties be tween, the states. Evidently he has taken time to look uo on the matter since his railroad passes were taken away from him. ; -' '. . ; 8 A 4 Judge Landis. .got' his idea . of trust-busting, from Col. Bryan or, at least, this 'will be the claim of the Democrats at no far distant day. Bryan, himself, will blurt it out in one. of his speeches one of these days. : ; ' y . : ;. . : Senator Foraker declares that , he will never ride on the Taft band wagon. ' Maybe not. He can be car ried gracefully in . a mammoth go-J cart drawn Dy tnose eDon inenas 01 his rigTit up to. the circus-cloor.. No body wants to keep. him from seeing the whole show '.. " rr. . lew Glfll) Off er With this Issue of the Yellow Jack et we announce a new subscription offer that is a proposition to send the paper for a period of ten years for $1.50. The advantage of this offer is three-fold? you get the paper at the, lowest price ever-offered, you dispense with the bother of renew ing at the end of each year and by having your name placed upon the mailing list for ten yearsr instead of one you stand a better chance to get all the copies of the paper. Now, if you would like to take advantage of this ten-year proposi tion without it costing you any mon ey, all you need to do is this: Send us a club of ten subs at 25 cents per sub., and we'll enter your name upon our subscription list for ten years. It need tot ' take you two hours to get on. for ten years. Let's see how many will take advantage of this offer. We would be willing to put yon on indefinitely, but the Post Office 'Department rules that "Indefinite Subscribers" are not bona fide and hence we are not iilowedithing left but a hearse for him to to mail the paper to such, persons asjgeeond-class mail matter, but that we must j)a.y four cents per pound. We want to see how many wi41 send us a club of ten by September 1st. Also let us see how many will renew for ten years by sending, us $1.50. We want to make the Yellow Jacket huni now as itihas never hummed before. See all; your neighbors. Get every mother's: ' son of the boys to join in with you. Take a few hours- off to-day or tomorrow and help can vass the neighborhood. HERE IT IS! Send us the names of twenty-five people of youij community who don't take the Yellow Jacket, but whom you think might subscribe, and if you are not a subscriber we will send j you the paper one year for your trouble;, or, if you are a subscriber, we will extend your time twelve ; months This isajieasy way to get theY. J., and also to h elp along the cause. Now, won't you do this much at' once? '.Let's' hear from everybody down the line. 2 A A Mr. Bryan has been in four rail road wrecks during the past year or so. But just wait until November, 190S, and he will get into a smash up that will cause his other narrow escapes to fade into insignificance. - AAA. It takes all kinds of people to make a world, including those adults who imagine that this coun try could not get along without the restraining influence of the Dem ocratic party. A A-A The statement made by a Chicago University professor that "there are too many people in the world" may lead some one to make a rejoinder that there are decidedly too many Chicago University professors - for the world's good. 4 4 A John Temple Graves is too gener ous. He now announces that any man who can establish the fact be yond tlie peradventure of a doubt that he is a- citizen of this great country will suit him for President. AAA Wall Street is agonizing over Mr. Roosevelt's firm stand touching the prosecution of thieving corpora tions yet the President goes on sawing wood and dispensing justice- to all alike. Great is that man we call "Teddy." "x 4 Tom Lawson advises the public to buy stocks' when they are at the bottom and hold on like a sick kitten to a hot rock. But, pray, how are the people to know when the mud-sill is reached? Get Tom to tell 'em, of course. AAA Mr. Bryan and Mr. Watterson ape having it bilt to hilt, and yet what will it amount to if one of them should-happen to win the controver sy? They are both 'Democrats and will be equal in the gloom of defeat in 'November, 1908. ; 4 4 Sherman succeeded magnificently in - flanking Kenesaw Mountain, but the Standard Oil Company must re member that he was not ; pitched against Uncle Sam. When your Un cle Samuel is on the turnpike there's nothing doing in the flunking I line. V A 5 A The government has been asked to take up "the laundry; woman's trust." Say, boys," don't lost your heads and run this trust-busting business in the ground. You know there is such a thing as the pendu lum swinging too far the other way. .- i- A A A " - ; Mr. Solomon Guggenheim, of Col orado, thinks Mr. Roosevelt wants to be a king, i As has been fully demonstrated in the past, what U- S. Senators from Colorado - think -does not press' down so veryjeavily ' cn the brains of the - rest-JT the coun try - - "! 7-!--' That revolution that the papers -are having so much to say about over in - the barbarous country of Morocco may be a good thing;" ' It would be a blessing if that reserva tion of barbarians could be shot full of civilization. ; . Sir Thomas Lipton announces that he. will make a fourth trial for the - American cup. Sir Thomas ought to come . over and- join the Democratic party and get his fill of trials. 'The fun would be a little longer drawn out than an "hour's cup race. - - ' ; . A A A "For sle Full-blooded cow, giv ing milk, three tons qf hay, chickens and several stoves." : It is said that this ad appeared -in the Ohio Sun. Evidently the ad writer got his ar-l ticies ot merchandise somewhat mixed, or did not know the utility of punctuation marks. -v - A 41k A Mr, Swift Tarbell declares that he will never be so foolish as to ride in another automobile. The gentleman is to-be congratulated for making such a decision before there was rio- ride in. S A A Any fool ought to know tjiat our people both North and South are in favor of law enforcement. Uncle Sam is not your huckleberry to be paying any attention - to the little' political -warts who propose- to stir up all the fuss they can to get .their names in the papers. . s ' A Kansas editor -recently sold a town lot for $150 which was given him ten years ago in payment, for one year's subscription. All things come to those who wait, except to Democratic politicians in a Repub lican state. ; S 2 - John Sharp Williams charges that Gov. Vardeman is a Populist, not a real Democrat. You are too compli mentary, Mr. William's. A Populist would hardly steal dead "nigger" votes; in his endeavor to reach the U. S. Senate. .. AA A " The" statement that it ' costs $25, 000 to raise a boy to the age of twenty-one recalls a few stories that we have read" from American history, r or instance, such as the boyhood of Lincoln, Garfield and a number of others that we could name AAA' Have you beard any Democrat mention Booker r T. Washington's name lately? Not upon your life! Since the Brownsville incident all opposition to the colored Moses has died put. - Verily, whom the gods would destroy they first make mad. A A A There is 1:0 use to get out single -handed and steer yourself against a full grown cyclone. The over whelming sentiment of this country is to keep the Republican party in power, and there is no side-tracking the almost unanimous will of the people. A A new breakfast food is just put upon the market i:hat ' is said to be largely comp'osed of ground corn cobs. We also notice that bread is being made of stones and cloth of the air we breathe. Doggone if that millennium we have . been looking for so long., isn't nearly hre: A A A "Mr. Foraker does not stand for the Republican party," says an ob servant contemporary. Oh," yes he does, only he took the wrong sow by the ear, in that already settled Brownsville affair. He'll support the ticket in 1908 with every foot Up. Now see. A 4t A The Birmingham Age-Herald speaks of "a great day in prospect." It must be the millennium it has referrence to, for it is a Democratic paper, and there is nothing iq sight for the. Democrats this side- of that j blessed era in which ahere 11 xbe no more politics. , . ' . 5 4 4 - If Count Tolstoi's prediction that America is bound to fall is regarded as truth, then what is the ' use of Democratic leaders holding out any further that Democratic principles will finally triumph unless the tri umph alluded to means the nation's downfall? ' . ... A A ' A Missouri man wants $1,000 damages-, becausenother man called him a fool. Should he -happen -to conjure the courts " and get the . money, would there be a drove in-this country who. would like to have somebody slap the truth into their teeth?- - A Southern State B-epublican or ganization has indorsed A 'Senator. Foraker as "a second Abraham Lin coln." It wouldn't be" very much trouble to guess the complexion of th e organization. . . ? ' -: A A A : ' It could beseen that Mr. ' Taft purposely ignored Senator' Foraker in his Ohio 'speech, but on the night following Mr.( Foraker did . not .ig nore Secretary Taft The "hit do?! always howls, don't-you knoirl : Texas' . mud-god,. Senator Joseph Weldon Bailey, is now at home de voting his energies to punishing his pestiferous enemies. From all ac counts his task is a mammoth one, that is, if he sails in to put all his opposers on the frittering gridiron. A A A - . Secretary Roo is said to have harbored the fear that the states were 'sleeping- over their rights." Had he gone one better and made it nightmares, he would have better described the delirium that not a few peanut politicians are now having anent state rights. An irate Georgia Senator complains- bitterly that his colleagues were ."button-holed and toe-trodden by Hoke Smith into voting for the anti-saloofT bill."' Hurrah for Hokus Pokus! He is a rare daisy of a far Southern clime when it comes to chasing old John Barleycorn around the stump with a black-snake.. whip. A little fourteen-jrear-oTar boy in Connecticut " drowued - himself be cause his little sweetheart scorned him. A little more of the applica tion of King -Solomon's theory- with plenty of the rod thrown in, is need ed to take the sentimental nonsense out of those love-sick j'oungsters before their gosling ideas turn to tragedies. r A A A Col. .Watterson declares that "un less the Democratic party can put its past - behind" it" there is no earthly chance for itto ever elect another president. Suppose, Colonel, you have the donkey to face about arid go into the fight next time tail end foremost. This mighf enable the beast to kick its way to some notice, if not to success. 3 J "And what," said -Wandering Wil lie to his friend, Meandering5 Pete, "is our frield, Plundering Mike, do ing now?" "I'm not sure," replied Meandering Pete, "but I think he is hunting up Tommy Taggart to hit him for a job in the Democratic campaign next year as a spell- binder.". . A A A : Mr. Henry Watterson declares that; he has never spoken hard . of Mr. Bryan. It appears that the "Colonel" is about to get into a peck of trouble because of his habit of going off half-cocked in his paper. The next thing we hear he will be on his knees before Mr. Bryan praying him to let a poor erring sinfrier back into the Democralic party. " . " A e2 A The government is now doing just what the masses have been demand ing' all these years- prosecuting the -trusts without fear or favor. Show us the jellyfish of "a Republican who will not stand up to the rack and support his party in the combat and we'll show you an arch-traitor in the camp. flft The Democrats have always claimed that the Republican party was a stall-fed child of the big cor porations, and yet-the pages of our political history will show that it is the only party that has ever fought the trsts. , Anybody with brains enough to examine with ' a microscope knows, this to be true. a ,y a A young lady out in- Kansas re fused for a time to marry a youifg man because he belonged to the Re publican party and all her people be longed to the Democratic party. She finally consented, and explained by saying the Democratic party was already dead and that all her people, might be dead before she found an other man she loved as well as the man she wanted to marry. , ' Stolen two jugs of Democratic thunder. A reward of a big, fat of fice is offered to anyone who will slip up on the blind side of the bold thief and . retake the jugs. Wire W. J. Bryan, Lincoln. Nebr., in the event that the stolen goods are re covered. One jug is labellel "Trust Likker"and the other "Railroad Booze." AAA -' The Democrats Of- Massachusetts held a retfnion recently which ended in a ' general free-for-all fight. 'The trouble, arose over the much-mooted question, "What is a Democrat?" A definition was acted and not given in words. Evidently the bean-eating contingent is 1 entitled to the prize offered by the New York World for a . satisfactory answer. - - -.-" : :: : A A Owing to circumstances over which it had no control, the Republican party regrets to report that it is not responsible for the Democratic trou bles over in Nebraska. It is not running the Populist party over there any more: than the Democratic party is running things in and aiound Washington, v With Mr. Bryan on the jump like a scared rabbit, Henry Watterson- predicting a year in advance that the Democrts are sure to lose, Democratic thunder all in the hands of the Republicans, hope fled,', and the ' party to pieces 1Mr. Democrat we feel -sorry for you, ( r V
The Yellow-Jacket (Moravian Falls, N.C.)
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Sept. 5, 1907, edition 1
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