Newspapers / The Yellow-Jacket (Moravian Falls, … / Oct. 17, 1907, edition 1 / Page 2
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, t- :V . ':"'! The Congregation SriilledW 7" .- Twd country; clergymen had a- greed to exchange, pulpits r ort cerr 'made the tain date. One of them fniinwirler solemn announcement to . his. congregation on the Sa bbath pre vious: to the event: j ; j V ' , r "My . dear brethren and j sisters, i have the pleasure of ; stating that; on next Sunday morning" theitev Zach- arjah B.-. Day will preach fo you Let us now sing two verseSvOt. hymn Nn 4 8 9. 'That Awful Pay r. Will Surely Come:'" It took him some time to-discover why the congregation smi ; A i Indefinitely Postponed rShe was an economical - i industri- ous and ambitious young wife, a writer in the New York Tribun.e gays, and often tried to persuade her hus band to give up smoking. Bfce pointed out to himr iuJ I One day exact fig- ures, how much he spent ,f pr tobacco In the course of a year. "And you would be better off,' she said, "mentally and physically, as well as financially, without your -pipe"- : :-; . ;, ' I : "But all great men; have smoked," "he, urged. ! -"Well," she said, "just promise me that you'll give up smoking till you're great. I'll be quite Satisfied." Tlib Accepted Tim 3. - 1 : "De choir am now abou , to vocif erate," said old Parson Baster, dur ing a recent Sabbath j mon ing's ser vice in Ebenezer chapel, ''and uh whilse dey am a doin'j of it , I sol u in ly suggests dat de mothers of dem sassy child'en dat has been uh-'sturb-in' de congregation on dls occasion spank 'em. Dis special ;ong will rise loud and high, muh sistahs, and bo uh-while you do your luty, jes' do it wid zeal and liberality. Spare de spank an' spile dej chile - give it to de little varmintes hot a id heavy, and de Lawd will bress yoti and de rest of us will owe you vote of thanks. De choir will now pour forth de hozanners." : V : f He Kept the Secret. .-When the teacher was absent from the school room, Billy, the mischiev ous boy of the class, 1 wrote on the black boa rd : "Billy Jores can hug the girls better than school." any Iboy in , Upon her return the teacr er called him up to the desk. . "William, did you ! writte that?" she asked, board. pointing to the; black- "Yes, ma'am," said Billy "Well, you may stay; after school," she said, "as punishment." 'The other pupils waited for, Billy to come out, and then began guying 1 him. ' -I jot a ncKjng," aia t you "Nope," said Bflly. "Got jawedff--"Nope." ' j " ' TtrV. t- JI J U joil XT I i J9 r iittu uiu one; uu: . tuey pstveu. "Sha'n't tell," said Billy, i "but it pays to advertise." . ' - Small Boy's Essay. xiere is a smaii Doy;s essay on "newspapers. 'He ought to make a good editor 'when he grows up: "Newspapers are sheets of papers on whicn stuff to read; . is printed. The men look over it and see their names in it. I don't know how news-1 papers came into the world. I don't' -think God does. Thei Bible says noimng about editors, l and I "never ! heard of one being in heaven. fThe -first -editor I heard of was i fellow who wrote up the flood. He fhas been here ever since. Some I editors belong, to the church, and dome try' .to raise Whiskers. AM of thom raise Cain in their neighborhood. 1 Some times the paper dies and then the jpeople feel glad, but some ole starts 'it up again. Editors never went to .school, because editors doi't- get Jicked. " Our paper is a mig ity poor one but we take.it so ma cau use it on ner pantry sneivesi Ou'r oHithrv don't amount" to much, but 1 . pa says he had ja poor chance wheA a boyT tie goes without , under-clo1 hes in .w,t0,T:'ears .ck3 ani ua8 : .." T -V a a. M w-b a. .X - V JJC . - j- ., i : . 1 .... .... i, i rt, U' tu w jzuyyyvy mm. ! Pa has - not - and; id: on't intend to." . 1 - - 1 -.-4.-y.i- .:: Civilized Woman. See .the Woman. ! f steadder .&s liccu on ner snoes and; has feiueezed hex feet.into.jpaireve small; .ana she loogs: as ljneiwere going to fall grwar and, Be, Reform ed some; more:vShej4shavlijgja-..90D tinuoua struerele' with .tha -.vlaw of gravitation.- i-MuJ Jvn -5he has a steel frame ?abxut -hei: upper part and . hasT.compreBsea ner. waist so, that it looks, like te; small end of a funnel, and she catL hardly ' . ; - - . . - . ' breathe, and ner internal ; anatomy hag shifted quarterns, and thee- -are several Jobs -eaduof heritor the family doctor. And : she f ddfesn't know why she feels so "poorly" niost of rthe time, i She A is pinned, tied. laced and oracea. She uses cosmetics, hair dyes, paints, powders,, belladona to bright en her eyes, and all manner of false and uncomfortable things are on and about "her from 4ier head down. She has rings on her fingers, .ban gles on her wrists, "a chain about her neck, many trinkets on her brfeast, and her blood has a struggle for cir culation. ' ' T She has birds !. and gay-colored plumes and feathers on her hat, and she wears many colors. ' She is not what she was created, but is what she has created. Is -the Woman a Savage? Jio she is the Flower of Civiliz ation. v-. The Busy Ten Dollar Bill. Mr. Brown keeps a boarding house. Around nis table, sat: his wife, Mrs. Brown; the village milli ner, Mrs. Andrews; Mr. Black, the baker; Mr." Jordan, a carpenter; and Mr. Hadley, a flour, feed and lumber merchant. Mr. Brown took tert dol lars out of his pocket and handed it to Mrs. Brown with the remark that there was $10 toward the $20 he promised lier. Mrs. "Brown handed the bill to Mrs. Andrews, the milli ner, saying: "That pays for my new bonnet.". Mrs. Andrews in turn pass ed it to Mr, Jordan, remarking that it would pay for the carpenter, work he had done for her. Mr) Jordan handed it to Mr. Hadley, requesting his receipted bill for flour, feed and lumber. : Mr. Hadley gave the bill back to Mr ' Brown saying: "That pays $ 10 on my board." - Mr. Brown again passed it to Mrs. Brown, re marking that he had now paid her fthe $20 he had promised herr She in turn paid Mr. Black to settle her thread and pastry account. Mr. Black liandd It to Mr. Hadley, ask ing credit for the amount on his flour bill. Mr. Hadley again returned It to Mr. Brown, -with the remark that It settled- for that ; month's ' board, I whereupon Mr.. Brown put it back in his pocket, observing that he had not supposed a greenback would go so far. : ' T- x . - ut suppose Mrs.'Brown had sent to a mail order house" for lier; new bonnet, then the $10 would have (gone out of town ! and 'never came back. : '. :'; '-" ! : :')'; ' The moral: ; Spend your money' at Ihome. ' ' - Pox Hunting in a Greenhouse. The" only fox ; hun ting I have ever done ; was on board ah impetuous, tough-mouthed, fore and , aft horse that had emotional Insanity. . As I was away from home and could not reach my own horse, I was obliged to mount a spirited; steed with high intellectual hips, one white eye and a big red nostril that f you could set a Shanghai hen ini This horse, as soon as the pack broke ; into1" lull cry. climed over a- fence, that hadT.bught Iron briers on it, lit In a56ornaeldf stabbed his' hind leg thrpugh serp and yellowpu-mpkin,! whlchnei .'wore the rest of the -day, :wlth" seven" yards of 'pumpkin vine; streaming out be hind,' "and away we dashed, cross country. . : . ; : , ' . ? ; I remained mounted because .. I hated. to get off in pieces. . r - " We did not see the! fox, hue we saw most everything else. ; I remem ber riding through i a hbQiouse and how I enjoyed it ! v A "morning scam per, through a conservatorywhen'tho syringas and Jonquils anl Jack roses lie cuddled up together In their little edsjinaThlng to remember and look" backto and pay Tt or. h To" staiidknee deep-Sr gfss andadiollJ-to meli the masfied andVmSssed-up; mignon- t ette and the last fragrant sigh of the T11110 eltotrdpe r bieath !f!the Jlo? jdu horsvfway the : dee&inbuthed' bavi-n Tnoarse hounds.- hotiv reeking' trail of theanlseed bag,- call ing , on'r the ; goieously - caparisoned" hills" to ? give ' back; their merry, mus. te,7 Isijpy'to - tne huntsman's Bllt Nye. l: - MrrttBryanTPte the, platform tot the ; Nbaskai;Im6crats . this year; astusuan Ittistgo Socialistic that aM Billy goat w.oqJ4n't eat the,ipaper;up on which the,. instrument is ? written. We; are onrsihe road for fifty thousand :: i.aew ) subscribers ' next- month, o If yoWtvgood , friend, are not. a regular, subscriber, then we woulo like mighty well to have you send us. thirty cents f oy jpur paper one year,- or one dollar and let it go to you and four of your neighbors for twelve months. : We are the friskiest roaster you ever; came across when it comes to politics. -" '- 5 ' Better to be a dog and bay af the moon than a howling politician, who " : : , - : -v - ... ' -- t - cries down his country's greatness.ijermiIie- the institution of marriage; and sees nothing but Dead-Sea fruit where grow the apples of Hersperi- des Better to be a doodlebug and 0 burrow In the earth than a miserable parody on manhood and stand up on two, legs and bray like a jackass. Keep your eyes on that aggregation who are doing that very thing in this country right now. The-Democratic" leaders say that their next campaign will be pitched against -the stronghold of " wealth. Honest Indians you are for once, gents. This nation has. for a f actl grown immensely wealthy under Re publican rule, and when you open your batteries next year, you'll at tack the richest government on the Almighty's foot-stool. But youll not be able to so much as Indent the steel-plate armor on the breast works with your little projectiles of pie-dreams and officeWisions. . , -Holy smoke! Here's a chance for the Democrats. It Is said that Dr. Ixng, ; the nature-f ak lr, Is the only living man that can hold Mr. Roosevelt a light on any question under the shining sun. He's the duck to write the Democratic plat form next year, and run on it, too, by jingo. If he is able to cross bats with the President on stored foun tains of animal ; lore; he certainly ought to know something of the tricks and capers of the Democratic donkey. Yes, Dr., Long Is their ripe huckleberry. Mr. Bryan, call off your dogs. ; : ' - J'- You will admit, Mr. Tariff Reform er, that, it was the Republican part and the Dlngley tariff law that setj this country on its feet after the Wilson-Gorman act had about played thunder with everything. ' . Yes. ' ' : -v Now you say you are willing to'seet this hridera that Tin a 'hrniie'ht von nvflr? this present cure in time of need. knocked in the head and dragged out'j to the bone-yard, just because it isa claimed that a few men - enjoy a special benefit thru the tariff? :.; Yes. . !?;: :',.::;?' - i God have mercy on such a fossil izde fool! - " r- . -' '.. . . ; y.r . , - . v- Now as Mr. Roosevelt Is off on a vacation, had you thought of the dif ference between the way Teddy takes his outings , and Grover'a wav while he was president? Grover used to amble off to the barnyard and dig a gourd; of red-worms, fill up his de- canter.4with booze, andL.meander off to Buzzard's Bay to fish. rHe would sit for days on the"damp;:mud and slip and. slide around on 4 the . slippery beach' like a pot-bellied aligator un til- he ..absorbed aH his likker, then he ;would return- home to authorize another big bond issue. When Teddy wants " a little recreation .he - takes , a spin across his - glorious : country v to the beautiful golden West, or down into the sun-lit South,. rwhere he cant find relaxation from his" strenuous duties.- He delights . to mount the pitching broncho " and twirl the cow man's, lasso, to hear bears growl and wolves howl, : to; chase .the ; antefope overlthe boundless plains, tand revel in.thev.nwsicaV. craek ofJbiiaisches ter. There Is no ;dreamin& an sslM- Ing around : on slippery vhahks fbrj Teddy. He is a : man of acuon at Washington, : at Sagamore "Hm. on Puduc prnrj adoesgn THE DEVHi TO PAY A Oittle dinky Socialist skeet fell into, our Hands the other day,' and it iM - was full: of 'such stuff : as dream .' are made of Its "dreaming editor stated I in ;sve.ia placesin his paper that i'c-idivorce. murder, graft and ;war - &2&& - ? o-- vi"- w twecu uaH" "wmvwvu lydisapp&V-under SdciaHsm.- ' We .wonld just like to get our think 3 tank in shape to isee, if only for a pnei . mumeni, ,.wuai :. me oociansut .. " set the date claim they see -in the Socialistic, prop- for.Saturday, November 2. The pro. aganda. But it is our opinion that a sram will be for each subscriber or fellow can't do that until he gets his der of the paper to resolve him mental apparatus on the haw side of into an agent and make u a himself and his better judgment Pint on November 2 to get one or smothered nigh to death. Just how the Socialists propose to herd human- ity and make; them all 'think and act alike is the unsolved riddle of Social ism. If anything, the .way It looks to a " .....'. , ' ..in man wiiu nis reasoning iacuiues gear, Socialism would cause still more divorces, more murder, more graft and intensify the war between capital and labor. The "affinity" I racket it preaches would forever un its turning- every man footloose prey upon his fellows would result in wholesale rapine and : murder;" its I proposed system of taking from him . -. " , .. a . t.! mat nam ana giving w mm inai hath not would be a collossal piece of graft; and its interference with . the naturairelations between capital and labor would tend to broaden the breach between them -: The devil would be to pay. But. wihen you -go to poking a few practical thoughts like - these under a Socialist's nose, he says, "Oh, I used to look at it - that way myself; tmt J'veiiad the scales knocked frjm I my eyes; I was once blind, but now I see." " :r -- We have about decided that whn a fellow gets a full dose trf Socialism, he's a goner, world without end. There is no use to waste your time Italking reascn to him. : You are inrowing pearis peiore gwjne, so to speak. The only hope of the perpet- uity of this nation is to keep it en tirely out or the hands of the Social ists; to exhort men to lqok upon So- cialism as a veritable -Gorgon that means death to the Republic, if it is ever embraced by the majority. "V:.. WHY I IT? Had you ever noticed how Democ racy relegates its old war horses to the rear? You - can look over the Democratic leaders who are occupy ing the forefront to-day, : and, with very few exceptions, you find young bucks doing the stunts for the Dem ocratic party. - ..." Why is : it? It - appears that the silver locks of; age would -. but add wisdom to the councils of a political party. Youth is ever impetuous and does things, ofttimes, too rashly. Yet v5here are Henry Wattefson, James K. 'Jones of Arkansas, Senator Daniel of Virginia, and all the other old- time Democrats? Relegated to the rearput on the shelf.- The front line of Democracy is now graced by W. J. Bryan, Joseph . W. Folk and their school of youngsters. The old bys got too wise and wouldn't stand up fe the Irack and munci fodder like! tfite younger ones thought they "ought to, and they were sidetracked. It is all right to break"" young men Into the political harness! and train them o the collar will not "chafe their necks. They must be trained" Wfke" the old aastIa trains ttAi nfrWa to; beat the air with tEeir pinions and to soar into the empyrean. How is It with the Republican par ty? You find it altogether; different. Youftnd the old men on .the front and 'the young men backing them up. This party boasts that it has never dodked" a auestion nor atr-iiAtU t issue. It! nas ever listened to the old men" in its council chambere. : To-day i it sroes forward tn :Vt"tfli.- TfMlfists. tmAtA :liv - - iii - - o:'V - 4 leaders wlior were schooled in the past I'm not login' anything as it is by ; the schoolmaster of experience, enjoyin the good times jes' the sa Iridoes; not cart a mairoff to the no- "as the rest. Yes, Bill, the chick jlitical bone-yard when he gets ripe 4T Jlie ycrog men ste up ly the side of the old and help them Scarry their buf dens. w f.- JU-H -' -; i' v.Yes, why is : it?7 It Snust that the ; old , i Democr atic par, . .1 tfce' the TOig prJteis i idead, dleaOrFlike1 Bryan Vandolk: put;newieinto;.4tsi You. canjt , explain it inany other wayJ The biggest issue thW Beinocrat BAY the. suggestion of Yell bef Jacket worker in Tennpoo , i awKr?.:'- - - . w nave conciuaea to ask our frioni stat td Participate In , , . y e m a resular Yel, luw uaciiei concert, and as a matt. w cmwribe f0r the Yellow r Jacket. Single subs will bo received at 30 cents each. But if you will secure a club of five We will accept the" subs, at 20 cents each In other words, if you can zet fni' of vour frifiBfls at 2ro-nt. 'VU.i m - . vv"w ca, and wi sena us xne amount of one dollar we will also put you on the list ff one year, or if you are already a sub. scribe we will mark up your time - J A1UA1A ae aaie your time to WYV V1V reason we can't --AT- .l.ir- ii have all our readers to take off a few hours' onUhe date mentioned and see WU4L can oe aone on concert day. Look on fitst Dasfi f nur i;of f . . ' WL caa- ers by states, and then imagine what a concert indeed it would be, from Maine to CaHfofnia, if all of these people will act in harmony one time. ijei. uur reauera rememoer this date. Make one. universal move for one purpose. We want to see what state can. make the biggest show. As a further inducement, we propose to give away a Valuable premium to the person in each statewho gets us the largest list of subs, at 2 p cents each on Concert Day. The premium will be ,a handsome cloth-bound edition of "The Red Light," a political story that shows 'up' the blackness of Dem ocracy like a searchlight. The book is worth one dollar, but will be sent free and postpaid to the person in each state who sends us the largest list on Concert Day. So here is a chance for every subscriber to send us one dollar for four subs, and get X X : 3 , .. your own subscription free. Besides remember "The Red Light" will be sent as explained above. Now for the sake of the fun of the thing, let's see what can be done on Concert Day. Mail your subscrip tions either on Saturday evening, or Monday, the th, and they will reach us in time to make full ' announce ment in. our issue of November 14. Hurrah for Yellow Jacket Concert Day, Saturday, November 2, 1907. . NOT READY TO JDESERT THE OLD , SHIP. , -"I got your letter about jinin' the RePDlicai1 Party," wrote an old set Democrat to his son in the city, "but I ain't ready to do it myself not yit. These hifalutin' good times are awful tough on us Democrats, an' we have to hold a sliff upper lip to keep our 1 organiaauon togetner, uui ux w one to back down so easy. w.u Republican approaches me an me somthin' or 'nuther 'bout how I Hte this Republican prosperity, I jes turn -if off with a joke, if I happen to have one ready, an' if I don't, I don say nothin. But, Bill, lemine ten you somethin', my boy: There's goin'to be a. finish to this business. Them crawed Republicans can't alius fool tble peoplas they are doin' now. Remember this. An' when this lof good times has had its aay, then the Deimocrats will come in agin- Kow. this' is. yer old dad speakin', an' you never caught him in many liesd you Y - irve seen vouu - ever since tee's surrender. - reckon i n jusi Keep up J whife loneer. Your argument i3 good and I'm glad you feel an interest m yonr old dad, but I wouldn't e f riht. wbftTi I sot UP to tne Jo - 14f''T - ;. - i!irnc" - rt - vote the Radical - ticket. will come home to roost. 001 niA ofiiri and wait lu the cat jumps agin. That's me. .r x " lnonm The Lewis Stuyvesant Chanler must: be careful not to make a in collision with thot William Jen Bryan booniopr there.will he a s np In 'which.therej wl be buttwd dnc$ished silk .hater ohncQjus : mell .oX berate . paIgn .Itnid-- : . thatrwbiSM mas me vjr rdys7n. -his-blndgeon and pu lQI brush.
The Yellow-Jacket (Moravian Falls, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
Oct. 17, 1907, edition 1
2
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