Newspapers / The Yellow-Jacket (Moravian Falls, … / July 22, 1909, edition 1 / Page 1
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- w -m .-m -m CLUB RATES. 1 Yearly Subscriptions. In IChxbs x "Four, "$x. j $ ISSUED -5tf2EE30LT?. $ CEBITS & OTA.2 g 4 4 VOL. XV. MOBAVIAI? J JILLS, HORTH HEESD&Y, JULY 22, 1909. 2TO. 15. Special (Elub 15 CEITS PB TEAK IN CLUBS Until July the 31 we are offering this jpaper one year at the rate of Id cents per sub, provided you send: as many as six subs at a time, making ninety cents in ail. Now. is the t me to subscribe, if you ever expect to do so. Take" this sample copy and ;o out among your neighbors and roll up a club of six or more and send them in before the last of this month. Remit by registered leter or bpostofnee money order. Don't send stamps. Remember after July the price -will be 30 cents per year in clubs. Now altogether, everybody, Address The Yellow Jacket, Moravian Falls, N. C. DEMOCRATIC PRATER. (From "Hot Stuph.") Our most renowned and adorable William Jennings Bryan, prophet of to the Platte, fearless champion of 16, 1, discoverer of "imperialism, cir cumnavigator of the .globe, and last but not least, editor and proprietor of The Commoner: We come tumbl ing down on our ail-fours this ev en ing to call upon thy Democratic High ness and to return our thanks to tnee for the blessed privilege of being thy J faithful followers. We thank thee for being our Moses and for the oppor tunity thou givest us of reading thy Commoner from year to year witlout costing us " a red copper. ! We are conscious of the fact that we awe thee for almost two years' subscrip tion, but then we are aware that thou canst make more money with thy mouth in one little lecture than j we can make raising 12-cent cottoi. in two years. Therefore, we did not think thou needest the money an i so we didn't pay up. We pray that hiou wilt continue to lecture and send us The Commoner (on time), j We are down here in the South raising cot ton and hell, stealing votes and hang ing niggers, and doing everything we can to keep the country Democratic. O, Mighty Chief, how we do lore to read the stuff thou printest in that paper. We don't know whether thou writest any of it or,not,"and we ion care a continental. It's got the Bry an label and that's enough for us. We are Democrats and we believe what thou tellest us. That's Democ racy. We turn up our noses at e irery thing we read in Republican papers. It don't matter whetherit is true or not, we don't believe it. Thou Know est, Great Chief, that the lessh one knows the easier it is to be ,a Demo crat in the ranks. We have noticed that, as .soon as a man begins ta read Republican papers, and to j believe in them, that he goes straightaway and joins the Radicals. Give us plenty of Democratic milk through The Com moner to keep our feet in the Demo cratic road. j Most Adorable Colonel, we want to thank thee for other things thou hast done for us. We want to thanl: thee for making fools out of us in J.896, and causing us .to rip our i isides open yelling for free silver. We are always glad when thou givest us a chance to rip and holler. If j thou hadst declared for the free coinage of iron, brass or copper, or ; bell it would have been the same metal, to us. We don't know a thing about c linage and we care less. All we. wan; is to be told in The Commoner what to do and- we go straightway and perform our duties like little jumping jacks. We can sign the primary pledge plan, yell for free silver, whoop for Parker and vote a dozen Democratic tickets in one day and it don't feaze oir con science. . j j We want to thank thee for putting a chestnut burr under our c: -upper, in 1904, by nominating Parkor and having us yell for him. j It made us prance up behind like Sam Hill for a while, but the spell soon wore off and we were "better Democrats than ever. What are we for but to turn somersaults and hand-springE j when we are commanded to do sc ? We used to "be jumping jacks for Grover Cleveland, and we have not forgotten how to turn. 1 ! Most distinguished issue discoverer, we have so many things to thank thee for that we are at a loss to know where to begin. ' I ' I We thank thee for telling us that free silver was the stuff in .1896.- We thank thee for telling us that "imperialism" was' the stuff irJ 1900. We thank thee for telling us that OF SIX OB 2I0RIUAT A TIME. Parker and the gold standard was the stuff in 1904. We thank thee for telling us that government ownership" was the stuff in 1906, We thank thee for teliing -us that Bank Guaranty" and "tariff reform" 1 were the stuff in 1908. And, Great Chief and Peerless Pro-J '4 phet, we are almost dying to have . thee tell us what will be the stuff in 1912. We are ready to holler now. Our mouths are watering to holler if thou wilt only tell tis what to holler for. We are machines. We are ma chines when we holler. We are ma chines when we vote. We are machines when we count. Drop a "battle cry" in the slot and we will do the rest. Yes, great and glorious editor, we are anything or everything, just as thou shalt command us. ; We will he monkeys and board ourselves. We will be Indians and raise the war whoop. We will be political pirates and steal every ballot box in the South. We will bark like dogs, bray like jackasses, crow like roosters, hoot like owls, spew like buzzards, run like greased lightning, and lie like Beelzebub, if it is thy wilL Again thanking thee for The Com moner and thy friendly and fatherly counsel, we beseech thy continued blessings, and we will be ever ready to holler for thee, run for thee, 'steal for hee, drink ,for thee, so long- as our Democratic -hides hold together and there is a -ra'g on our backs Amen. - AX ALASKA EDITOR'S CONFES- SIOX. Our wife is gone. Gone to visit our mother-in-law. Gone back to the old home and the real cream. Back to the old oaken bucket and the .mud pies of memory. We are not saying this to make other men envious whose wives are not gone. : But it is a sort of whistle to keep our courage up. For a long time the opportunity to hang out all night and make a mohkey of ourselves has' looked good. Now, with no restraint on our con- rfup.t. no tearful wife waiting to throw her hooks into our hair, no one to lie to, nobody to pacify with artful inventions, no person to care a whoop whether we go to the bug-house or not, now that ; the very hour and moment is pregnant with witchery and our horoscope is psychologically correct for. a riotous i period of de bauchery, we get sleepy at 8:30 and mope off . to bed like a mollusk. It's enough to drive an ostentatious drunkard to the Keely institute. Solo has lost its charm and highballs are a mockery. We do not want to play poker or lick up suds or do any of the hundred disreputable things that a few days ago seemed so entranc ing. If things had panned out as anticipated we would he an actor in i c. the jollification drama instead of its playwright. Ketchikan Daily Miner. The Port Huron Michigan News says that every man in that town who wants work can get it. And down here in North Carolina you can't find men to do the work that is to do. Terrible times these. The fact that Mrs. Gould hid her face and wept when witnesses testi fied of her behavior when drunk brings a thought to ; light that may help the temperance cause. What is the reason the phonograph and the moving picture could not be brought Mnto operation" and in this way show to the drunkard what an ass he makes of himself when intoxicated L.et us hope that it will he tried. If he could see himself as others see him, maybe he!d quit fox. certain. Mere's Our Greed "We -will speak out; we win be heard. Though all earth's systems crack; We "will aiot bate -a Single word Nor take a letter back. 'We speak the truth and what care we I For hissing and for seam, While some faint gleanings we can see Of freedom's coming morn? "Let liars fear, let towards shrink, I-et traitors turn away; Whatever we have dared to tbink . That dared we also say." This is The Yellow Jacket hemlylcles entering into competition with thing of its kind published on earth, j Its temperature is 200 in the shade.; mm o , It preaches Republican gospel so' straight that every issue brings manv old moss-back Democrats mourner's bench in a trot. to the It "gits em goin' and comin'." I It retails to Democrats, Republi cans and Socialists at 30 rents a Tear and circulates over all the United States. J If you don't likeit you don't have to take it. If you do like it you are hereby invited to subscribe to-day. J The Yellow Jacket has nassed the teeth-cutting stage. It is now over 13 years old and getting older every 1 There are no life-insurance f eat-1 UTes connected with it. You merely pay your SO cents and take it whether you use 11 or not. inen you win tane i it aeain . You alwavs cet what you pay for? then the paper stops. We treat all our subscribers this way, even the President of the United uiairai The Yellow Jacket don't crawl be- hind a tree to talk. It don bust its crupper heading back to first see what somebody else is going to say. It has no "ax" to grind. Everybody in the United States ought to take The Yellow Jacket. All Republicans ouSht to take it be- cause it is helping to figbitheir po- liticat battles. . . .. - -. - jjrf lr&rrZZSm Z'a- ment of his party. 1 m 1 , . . , cause It pmntrout toronTrw his political salvation. r ' .' - . . it because it will point out to him the -i . s - v a m a w v mr i-i w a a-ai m a" i absurdity of his wild-eyed, wind- broken, womper-jawed, stringy-tailed, seed-ticky, diabolical dreamy delu- SlOXla. And everybody else ought to take it because each issue will bechuck full ana siosmng over wnu xjcigmaiiiy , Pun, Sarcasm and Logical Reasoning. mm When you read this copy pass it along. to your neighbor, if you love one another; and if you don't make a bulff anyway, and try it. The politics of The Yellow Jacket in. the future, as in ie jmst will be rtepuuilCHH. nuwevei, we uciuug w no man and shall reserve the right to be as independent as a hog on ice on all matters that come up for public consideration. The editor may not be making The Yellow Jacket quite "rip-snorting enough to please you owing to mir ha-vine so much other work on hand, but, beloved, bear with us till corn is laid by and we'll then try to warm up to our subject and give you some oj. uie puie bLuyu - XV. A "1 HV. th0 sHtin-or in it Tell nil ,r. ahnnt i Tm t in line for the fun. XL(XX Uwtty porresDondent. Some of his letters will be worth the price of the paper for a year. " And vou can't afford to miss those "Letters from the Devil" and "Demo- cratic prayers which will be a spe- cial feature of The Yellow Jacket. It takes great strings of words and some money to run The Yellow Jaek- et. You help scare up the "chink" and we will endeavor to furnish the "chat." If you receive a copy of The Yellow t--,"i ix i imfiT, rs rmVKn jaClieL 11- 13 (XXX XXX. tAJ OUUSUlUb. You wUl get more fun and derive more information tor cents than in any other way you could spend it If you can use a few sample copies drop us a card. The more Y, J.s you circulate-the more votes you make for the G. O. P. 7Vrw we want to ask you to send us a 30-cent subscription to this pa- per. Send us a club ifyoa can. xxr wot tn also ask von tn smid along a list -ot your neighbors whom voa think xnight subscribe- V This is asking a sood deal of you, 5 Isn't it? vvell,. asK someuung ot us. - : . BETRAYED. The Democratic national platform last year -contained these sentences" We welcome tte belated promise tariff reform now affected by the Re- publican- party, but the people cannot safely trust the execution of this important work to a party which is so deeply obligated to the highly protected interests. We favor immediate revision of the taTiff by the reduction of important tluties. Arti-1 trusts controlled products should be 1 demand the immediate repeal of the tariff on miln. nrint naner. lumber, , , , ,, In the House of Representatives a month ago forty Democrats voted J tection Democrats, low-tariff Demo- -against free lumber. In the Senate J crats, Democrats for office and re- this week seventeen Democrats did jthe same. Thus a specific demand of the Democratic platform was defeat- je Democratic -votes. Democratic votes also uereated Tree maes anori free iron. For the first time in fifty years Democrats this spring have had an opportunity, with the aia ot progressive Republicans, to give effect shameful record shows how basely they Jiave acquitted themselves. In piatf0rm the Democrats; -o v.i,- atjr LuaL wuuul "c uuai ed; who now will trust the Demo- crats? They say they favor immedi- ate reduction of taxation; witiiin the I a t. ; x j inn j.t 1 n tv iciat ssiJtty uaja jlus ui me iu jjbiuu- crats in the House have voted repeat- oMv artiircf rorliipin !tyac ftrtr seventeen of thirty-two Democrats in the Senate have done likewise. They say they favor the free list for arti- cles entering into competition with trust-controlled products; lumber, hides and iron are all controlled by trusts. Thev soecificallv demand the immediate repeal of the tariff on lumber, and they make haste only to Lao tU . . I. UCLL VV11U LAO OlvCl UUUU . tUv COUntry lorano-lher dade. These are political signs for which punishment is certain. They affront They reveal a uegraaauon in our political me which almost passes belief. They put tne Democratic party on trial not for its principles but tor its honesty. Errors of judgment may be defended and excused, but perfidy finds no I i i -t party that is false to itself is false algo to the people) and he judgemnts . . whlcn tney mfllct are final The JTcw YorK woria PIVE-FEET OF BOOKS. A "Westerner by the name of Ant- wme presents the following Iworks fQr 5foQt boQk el. Dr. Munyon's almanac. Webster's book of words. Dabbs' "your Own Blacksmith." The speeches of Champ Clark. Complete reports of the State bee keeper. Coburn's "How to Make the Farm Pay." The Poems of James Whitcomb Rney. nfor.ir nrw., TrtTV, aOTOvQr .rl luaia v"Ai" cljx cxxxvx "Huckleberry Finn. Marx & Dunwinzschmetzski's mail I , ct-n , , TTT.,, Aryans i? rom me v arm lo vviimu Sight of the White House and Back. The reports of the State Board of Agriculture. . Simkins' "Hogs, and How to Raise j Them ." ' , ... , T. , Publications of the State Horti- cultural society. Watson's "Farmers, Awake ! " -Stevenson's "Treasure Island." Roosevelt's "Benton." AJ x- X D.G lulLV itilU AUVCilLUltb Ul LialllC I I Nation," Ade's "The Summer Roarder Prop- losition." Smith's "Winter Nights on the Farm." -ayes 'History of the United I States." Sneed's Why Call a Horse Doc- tor-" Ho ward's "The Romanee of the Ben Davis Apple. Payne's "Explanation of the Duty on Corn." ! wh' i ao MWm -MK.m a A W kAJUJ AAX - m . b llyU, A a - . -k YTHAT IS A DEMOCRAT J The New York World is stifl pres- stese Question, What Is a Demo- crati a virgmia newspaper auswera succinctly, A man who votes the Democratic ticket on election day; but this would exclude Mr. Bryan, for he voted for t3ie Populist candidater in the presidential election of 1892. The query should rather be, which of. the seven hundred and seventy-seven" brands of Democracy is the Simon Pure article? A Texas journal re- cently -essayed a list of the variants ers of Jefferson, but it-enumerated scarcelv half of them. There are j , , . , . . . constitutionalist, latitudinarians, pro- venue only (a large class), Imperal- j istic Democrats, aristocratic Demo- crats. Socialistic Democrats, anti- corporation Democrats, Trust-Demo- crats, sryan arm Kooseveit uemo- crats, hard-sense Democrats, donkey. Democrats, traditional Democrats, Democrats by inheritances, JJemo- crats by conviction, silk stocking ed Democrats, smoking jacket Demo- crats, strait jacket Democrats, stay- away from the polls Democrats, v vote 1 r , lttLO- there are the mght-rider Democrats, the cotton-tail Democrats,, -the red- I shirt Democrats,: the ballot box stuff- iug - ieiiiuciais, laws uiggi ieniu I : "r. j il t : Tv I crats and the convict Democrats. And 1 Jut. Tint least niva thre nrnhihi- tion fellows, known as the dog fennel Democrats, so named because they ate up all the dog fennel in Georgia after a little licker had been sprinkled on it. As the Galveston Post remarks, there are more kinds ofDemocrats than Vanderbilt's son-in-law was a fool. And that's what's the matter with Democracy. A gutta percha i I A VU UUU V wA J AAACAAA AAAm V-F T AA t A X LAVMA gospel. If the party would stand ou one issue long enough to be counted, it would make a very respectable Uhowlng. But a party composed of Bmneis auu iciveis uas uu cuauto against one made of stickers to a nag and program. HELIOGRAMS. The affinity is the Captain Kidd or the matrimonial sea. No, Percy,, the songbirds of our 1 Iocal choir are not graduates of Sing Sing. The Budget, a magazine published in Duluth, is an intellectual cocktail with a. fine bead on it. I would, just as soon be a wart on the red nose of inebriety as to be a dimple on the chin of Carrie Nation. When a man is arrested for a crime and put, in the sweatbox, he generally gets cold feet, but his confession is not always cold facts. The man who had charge of the Gould winecellar had no sinecure if Katherine lapped up all the brandy highballs the servants say she did. " when you were a small boy did you i ever have two older sisters hold ycu I wilo moti-r M!t vonv Vinir? If vnn " " never experienced a haircut of that kind you do not know what humilia- I r4-1 . yjii yj a. y all kinds of fun at the kid foreman m the shoe shop on account of his embryo Chauncy Depew whiskers, but, hush little sidewinds, don't you J cry, you will be soupstrainers bye and After being led to the mourner's bench at a revival- in Desmoines, Iowa, a fellow confessed to having committed sixteen burglaries, i wish the hardened sinner who stole my ' Lk txtih i? 1 L"l " wxvx fau xw.toxvxx ixxxvx tuusu - uenerai ireaencK jt unston . wno swam the "Bag Bag with the Astor battery strapped to his back and towed a string of barges witn the whole Kansas regiment aboard, was recently the victim of a sneakthief who got away with all the General had which was nothing. Minnne- so ta Prison Mirror. The state that has a good crop of politicians generally has a, hard time. JThe Tialton (Ga.) Citizea ' " m . . . i; . -
The Yellow-Jacket (Moravian Falls, N.C.)
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July 22, 1909, edition 1
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