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r,ttht 1913 by TL Don iLawa
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VOL XIX.
MORAVIAN FALLS NORTH CAROLINA, THURSDAY, APRIL 1913.
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Address THE YELLOW JACKET, Moravian Tails, C.
-h
El
i i OQKer s
Huckleberry Knob, N. C:
Apr.NJ, 1913.
Editor Yellow Jacket:
My clear Sir: It's a very commoafj
thing to hear of some snipper jerCK
j:.i:il)ins on a goods box on ,the s :reet
cjraer and proclaiming .to the j) lblic
tiir:t ho is just about ready to lo a
stmt that will majce all the sle ping
regulation "sit, up. and take no ice."
Hut in most "cases these proriised
siunts turn out to be nothing but
soi'p bubbles or so much hot air and
never amount to anything. !
But last fall when .the' news was
Hashed over the country that Jiere
hnd been a "Democratic landslic er"
thr.t the Donkey had broke out cf the
stall and had kicked all the Rac s off
the main dck and the middle deck
and the lower .'deck-rpeople vwhc i had
been soundly bleeping for! year: j, tz
up in the bed, rubbed their eyes a
spell and wanted to : know wh f had
struck Billy Patterson. The thought
that the whole bloomin? country had
been captured by a party that claimed
a patent-right on hard times ; and
could deliver a panic before treak
fast, 'caused a- temporary purry
among the. slumberers, but realizing
that it would, be a good while before
the Democrats Began cutting down
the Prosperity tree, the sleepers care
lessly lapsed into another slumber
and are sleeping yet. . J f
Now, Mr. Editor, I think somebody
ought to. get em waked 1 up before
they get to sleeping too soundly. ' I
think It "would be a good thing to
draw close up to them and explode
a few sticks of dynamite to -ldnder
wake 'em up and allow them a chance
to comprehend the gravity, of tl to, sit
uation. - j j . -
According to your Uncle "wje are
facing a crises in this country.! We
are drawing devilish near to the place
where Coxey armies are camping and
tramps are tramping. We are getting
so near to the damp, chilly itmos
phere of hard times that I can almost
feel it creeping up my pants legs and
chasing itself up and down my spinal
column. By putting your ear to the
ground you can hear the bray of the
jackass of starvation. This is no
joke. We hear it on every hand.
Newspapers jtell us every da r that
this big Democrat and that bis j Dem
ocrat declare that we must haye, tar
iff for revenue; that we I must) carry
out the last Democratic platform even
if business is temporarily hut. So
these are the scouts of starvation and
despair that are camping jusjt over
the hill. These are the signs that a
storm is gathering. These are the un
mistakable evidences, that we! must
go thru a deluge of free soup into the
open arms of a Democratic cyclone
before we see prosperity I agai
Of course I understand I that lotSNjf
seemingly intelligent people are dis
posed, to regard as a joke the; asser
tion that the Democratic party-is a
panic producer and a hard! ! times
maker. I know there are lota of
folks who can't remember from one
week to another what eort.of yeather
"we had, and therefore have fojrgptten
what sort of times the Democrats
brought on the country, when they
tinkered with the tariff under ; Cleve
land. But people with good memories
know how it was. They fc iow it
didn't take the Dems jbuf a few
months to deliver a full grow i panic
when they -came in . 1892, ai d they
know it continued ; as long as the
Dems were at the bat, and thdyiknow
it ceased aa if by magic when" the
word was flashed forth that MjcKinley
bad swept the land. And they know
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a means of getting these names and
of a low sub rate who assist us
Yellow Jacket in clubs of Ten for
, with your list of subscribers the
think would like to read' a sample of
to send a club of ten, we will accept
you enclose the names of five other
sure to put sample names on a separ-
won t you get busy now menas, ana
etter
that it was .tinkering with the tariff
that brought the panic and they
know it was the knowledge that the
tariff tinkering party had been put
out of business that restored confi
dence and sent the panic into retire
ment. Knowing all these things, it
is surprising that the people were so
forgetful ' as to vote the tinkering
crowd back into power. But it has
been done. Whatever' the reasons
were, the people cannot get around
the fact that they are now up against
it again. t . .
Every thinking person has a right
to expect nothing but blunders from
the Democrats, because they never
were known to do anything but make
blunders. They blunder when in
power and they blunder when out of
power. They enact laws when ih
power that are destructive o the
country's welfare , and they mount
nobbj.es when .they are out of power
that would make Tom Jefferson turn
over. In his grave. And their whole
history Is one continuous perform
ance of the ridiculous. ; It Is meddle,
alarm and try to storm the citadel of
prosperity. Democracy never" . at
tempted to tinker 'With, our . affairs
that it didn't' result disasterously.
Head history. They tinkered in the
secession movement and the debt was
paid in blood. They ' tinkered with
the tariff law in 1892, and it was paid
for Jn Idleness and starvation. They
have been tinkering with the ballot
boxes in the South for forty years,
and we all know the result. And
they propose to tinker with-' the tariff
some more and I say look out, people,
because the.' same cause willalways
produce the same effects.
-I would just like to know what in
the nameof common sense the Dems
are up to anyway. -It looks as if they
are determined to plunge this nation
into another ear of industrial de
struction. From every side of; the
countr3&.comes the word that things
are going about now on crutches and
one of the crutches is almost broken.
I don't want to have to climb' oh
my barn and pull on them old britch
es that did service in the days of
Coxey armies and .free soup, but if
the blasted Dems don't -stop their
foolishness and let business alone. I
look to have to crawl into tem,', even4
if they are patched with rawhide and
look like the" hind-wheels fit a cy
clone. - i.r . rv
What' this, country needs worse
than anything else, is -to be let alone.
It needed letting alone a long time
ago. Go back to the days of Dingley
ism and- compare the good times then
with thesort of dry rot that we have
been having ever since the "reform
ers" began to whittle on. the indus
trialjcable. Can'tjyou see that every
time they hare tipped the working
man deeper and deeper? And the
further they proceed-with this busi
ness the worse it gets, till I'll be
everlastingly dad-bummed if we ain't
getting precious near the busting
point. ; .
This business reminds ; me ; of the
young lady who went out. to a dinner
with her beau.- At the table- the
young man noticed a speck .of what
appeared to be a lint on her shoulder.
When she- was not : looking he at
tempted to -knock it off with tiis
finger." - . After several- failures, -he
finally took hold of the little string
andstarted topull it ' He unraveled
several yardsTThe' fleecy stuflUjand
when it seemed to have all been
pulled out he wadded itup and threw
it. under the table. - Vnton fhV g&l
went home tha jdht she told' hec
mother .she had had a perfectly lovely
tfme. "But," she addedr:"! have just
Deen wondering, motner, wnat on
earth became of my union suit." And'
that Is the way it. is going to be with
the . Democrats about thi3 tariff re
form business. They are floundering
around Washington drawing fat sal -
aries and drinking fine licker and
having a "perfectly lovely time" but
the next thing you know, they are
goipg to be "wondering what on earth -
has become of the prosperity that we
were wearing the other day. Oscar
Underwood has been pulling- at that
string now till he has about .got the
thing all raveled out and if we wake
up some fine morning" and find our
union suit a mass of striners under
the Democratic tariff reform table we
can ray it to the Underwood-Wilson
crowd and make the best of it.
Yours for Progress, -
EH TUCKER.
Ym The Donkey.
Haw-hee, haw-hee, haw-hee,"
Don't reckon you know me,
I'm the hee-hawing Democratic
donkey. ,
I'm the Ions-eared emblem of the
botptailed party that is coming down
tanbark. -
Oscar Underwood' of
'
Bluriderwood
or OverwooCT or something like that
is a-straddle of my back with a free
trade spur on each foot and a digging
my flanks like the blistering blue
blazes, and some of the "home indus
try". Democrats are trying ' to tie a,
bunch of Protection firecrackers onto
my tail, and by the Holy Moses, I'm
on the jump.
Now I insist that my party is try
ing too many things to make me run.
One fellow insists on pouring cold
water on my head and another hot
water on my back. They put pepper
in my eyes ana Dina ice to. my tan.
They want to shoe one foot and let
the other go bare. They curry one
side down and the other up. They
feed me on. green corn one -day and
baled hay the next.- Then starve me
a whole week. They paint "16 to 1
on my flanks and gold bugon my
face. One fellW tries to ride me
backwards and another fool attempts
to run mevsideways.
Now, how in Halifax can a Donkey
ever get anywhere going like that?
Look at. the capers of my party in
Congress. Think of these things and
weep. Here are the cotton mill men
declaring that if the cotton schedule
wa 8 carried out that the cotton mills
would have to suffer. The cotton
mill men say that the cotton tariff ,
schedule is a bill formed apparently !
solely in the interest of the importer
and foreigner wholly unfair and un
just to us ignoring entirely , the in
terest of the American cotton manu- J
facturer and the American laborer,!
and if enacted into law turn cotton
mills of our country into soup houses.'
And in theface of these statements
similar protests from every cotton
mill man in the South, there is a pack'
of Democratic congressmen hollow
ing "sick 'em, Oscar; 1 give the people
h 1, or lower tariff on cotton, which
means the same. The country needs
a panic. It needs a line of soup
houses to cure -people of dyspepsia."
Is it any yonder I'm on the jump?
Is it any wonder I am betwixt the
devil and the deep blue sea?
Let's change the subject.
I wish somebody would "get some
carbolic acid, and disinfect me. I've
been between the devil and the deep
blue sea so long I fancy, I smell
worse than I did when Noah turned
me off the Ark."
Maybe the Democrats don't like
the manner in which Billy Bryan has
een goading me. Neither do I.
X heard quite .an argument recently
as to why I was chosen as the Em
blem of Democracy. I claimed that
v.. .
it was because -I was so patient I
could wait a hundred years to win
out and then lose and not feel bad
about it. Anotiier said it was my
stupidity I wal emblematic of the
stupid fools composing Democracy.
This made me mad-wrtil another one
spoke up and said,; "Why, : you see
your father was a jackass and there
are so many jackasses in the Demo
cratic party that their sons are -emblematic
of the whole push." He
haw, he-haw!
If I could get my party to adopt
an honest election law; - if I could
get them to quit stuffing ballot boxes ;
if I could get them to. quit soaking
booze and acceptingbribe money;
if I could get thefir to come to a sen
sible conclusion on the tariff; if I
could get them to repudiate corrupf
tion; if I could get them to make an
honest platform and come before the
eountry. on an honest issue I belieVe
I could get up - a flirtation with- the
Elephant and maybe propose to him,
but if, if, if, if; he-haw! he-haw! he
haw! ' '.; , , - .. IV;--. . ::V.,- y..; : -
I have heard it hinted around, that
some of my Democratic Conjpressmen
want to take :my job from m'; Walit
to turn Jack223es themselves and put
moT out. U does look , ljkethey couldJ
find other wonos to conqxzer.
I went to see an- eye doctor yests;
Mgww.I"&4"I"I"I"S"l"3"MwS
- - A 4
A SPRTXG
When the blooms begin to blossom andthe birds begin to sing,
And the small boy finds; the-possom catching bedbugs -on the wing;
When the leaves instead of leaving start- to come all out again,
And the girls of ancient ages stirt to googling at theNaen; .
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When the seedticks and the, simmons grow upon the selfsame vine,
And the sap comes up in dogwood and, the rosin's on the pine;
When the ants begin to anty and the toadf rogs start to toad
. Over every -hill and valley and along Jthe public road; .:. ;
When you feel the sunshine mellow kind of. tickling as you go,
And you feel like going courting, for the girl that- you love so.
And-you see the children barefoot and the small. boys running out,
And the birdnests getting busy for they know what its aboutr-
And the prunes are swapped for pickles and the peas for turnip
greens; ' ; "
When -the moles begin their; moling and the farmer dons his jeans,
And the loafer leaves the country store and all that sort of thing,
Reader. Dut away your woolens, for its time for spring to spring.
iV
ttcll..l.,.y..
day and he"-said I must cut out this
mail-order likker. "The kind of ''whis
key you usedjto drink, of course, did
harm," said the" wise old man, "but
since you voted prohibition on your
self and have gone to guzzling this
mail-order business youVare going to
lose your eyesight. But," and the
doctor.. .lopked put into space,"it don't
make much differences you. -tool
j Democrats were ways bli -any-
j So long, -boys. I'll be round next
i issue of The Yellow, Jacket and; bray,
another speil.
The Story of
A Bolt of lo
I am a bolt of clothe garnered from
the garden of , industrial flowers,
leathered by economic - hands and
woven in they loom of business
n grew from the . soil, wnere
thrifty hands . sowed the seed v and
fertilized the soiLthat gave me-birth.
As I grew, I inhaled the refreshing
breezes of Nature not knowing what
it all meant, until, at last,a product
of, sunshine and shadow, oilanai
shower, I began to blossom into the'
purityof a cottonboll. .1-' x
It was. shortly after this Jthat I met
my affinity and wed the wool from
a fleecy lamb becoming my; consort.
Together we entered our happy hon
eymoon in the looms of an industrial
factory where we heard the laughter
of merry boys and girls as they went
happily' thru mills protected by the
political party that guaranteed fair
play to every American manufacturer
against foreign invasion. -
I was' yotrag then and I did not
appreciate the -meaning of Protective
tariff. I heard it discussed and men
spokebfcjt as a great institution that
protected bread winners in their
struggle to support a home ; I was
told of great statesmen -who planned
it to foster institutions where men
and women could earn livilihoods.
They informed me that business
prospered under its guardian care.
It stood as a bulwark against cheap
wages and foreign labor, and pre
vented unscrupulous combinations
from destroying American commerce.
Levying an equitable taxon all man
ufacture, it gave this country wealth.
After my wedding with the woolen
fabric of commerce, I went out to
render the service for which men and
women had created ipe. I clothed, the
living and shrouded the dead. I
walked x between the cold blasts of
winter and protected children. I be
decked the beautiful bride and" with
her was happy; and I reclined in cof
fins with the resting dead. I was
companion of the human race. ii V
Then a political party of bucca
neers usurped the reins of govern
ment and declared that woolen and
cotton fabrics v should be free. I
thought it would be- great to be free,
not; withstanding I what they meant
by the term. " .
They passed a great national law,
but I found that this freedom jvas a
newj- kind Of slavery. The factory
that created 7 me put. me down- to a
lower price and I saw poorly clad
people come and look at me and go
away sadly, because the factories had
all closed up and there was no money
in circulation with which to buy "joae
even at the lower priee. I lay un
touched on the store shelves -while
bolts of foreigir; cloth made by alien
hands took my place because - they
were cheaper. The money' that I had
earned, f orjiappy toilers went far
away nnto Instant lands. As soon as
the factories which had created me in
America found that they could, not
complete with the ' hordes of r foreign'
manufacturers they stopped making
cloth and there was no ; longer -any
cempetitioii ; to V outside trade. Then
these alien factories raised- the price
on their cloth until" it "was; impossible
for the poor to. buy atall, "and there
.were no iofesx no money ' ia circnia
tion andorfy ; tteery rich cpnld af
ford to Ibny f?)ody dared fc?31 inan
'ttf&c6triin cloth: -jLt home because the
PemocraUc sovrernment t would , not4
"ptcttheidragaihst the aliens who
iiimeicaiaagLoiiijr tareu ior its
th
POEM.
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be an industry in America and the
great factories closed down and- star
vation and panic stared everybody
in the face.
-Then I who had clothed the naked
in life and shrouded-the dead in .their
last long sleep, became a thing of -tha
past as an American enterprise.
Is it any wonder" that I am very
lonely and sad? . -
If the people like to be humbuge-Ai '
we can;t help it but they will &fal
ly return to their sober senAQ
tell us confidentially iha tolii
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