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you xix.
MORAVIAN FALLS, NORTH CAROLINA, THURSDAY, MAY 29, 1913;
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NO. 9.
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Address THE YELLOW JACKET, Moravian Falls, N. C.
Efi
ucker s
l! ! 1
Huckleberry Knob, N.
j c.
May 22, 1913.
Editor Yellow Jacket,
My dear Sir: I know it is not com
mon for a feller to allow his sympath
ies to meander over into the enemy's
camp and" offer sqlace-to the other
side of the conflict, but after sizing up
the situation fully, I must confess that
I have actually begun to be sorry for
the Democrats. Yes, sir, I am scrry
for these fellows ;Who accidentally
came into power by reason, of a tie
publican family row and have ; ust
now begun to realize that they are up
against all sorts of trouble. ; It n ust
be embarrassing to a party , to know
it came into power under such zir
cumstanees and that it has not the
cooperation of the business interests
of the nation nor the hacking of
the
majority of the voters to help! it alcng.
And nobody knows these things to ! be
facts better than Mr. Wilson and his
political family advisers. Democracy
today is confronted with a situation
that is anything but encouraging, i
Nobody knows better than Mr. Wil
son that the majority of the pecjple
has not asked for nor do they desire.
radical tariff reduction. Yet he and
his party stand pledged to carry put
the Baltimore platform. 'Nob
knows better than Mr. Wilson that
the enactment into law of i the de
mands of the Baltimore platform will
not result in the manifold blessijags
that Democratic papers and 1 politici
ans last fall declared it would. But
he does not dare to say so. Nobody
knows better than Mr. Wilson that the
manufacturing industries of the co iin
try, North, South, East and West, will
suffer untold embarrassment if Jthe
present Underwood; bill becomes . a
law. But he can't do a thing to stop
it. Nobody knows better than fir.
Wilson that the civil service ruling
that placed fourth class postmasters
out of politics waa-a benefit to the
service, and yet he is afraid to breathe;
that above awhisper. Nobody knows
better than Mr, Wilson that the Dem
ocrats are mad as wet hens because
they "are not being appointed to office
faster. But he realizes the I delicate
situation he occupies and he cn't
help them. Nobody knows better tlan
Mr. Wilson that the Democrats will
be swept from power just as 1 soon as
the Republicansall assemble at :he
ballot box underTmited leaders lip
And that is what is making his day 3 a
dreary drag and his nights a hideous
nightmare. 1 ;
In view of these facts, I have pre
oared the following resolutions of
sympathy which I hope will bring
comfort to many aching Democratic
hearts::
' -H: RESOLUTIONS
Whereas the Democratic party
cam into power by accident and had
. the grave responsibilities of govern
ment thrust upon It when the' party
was the least prepared to endure the
same, and ' I
Whereas the Democrats are frignt
ened almost to death thru dread of
the consequences of tariff reform, and
Whereas their darling pet f "Stage's
Rights-' is about to get us into a war
with Japan, and j . ;
Whereas there are 15 pie; hungry
Democrats to one little piece of pie,
"end -;:V, 'JU W h
Whereas Mr. Wilson is leing crude
ly cussed i &nd roundly roasted for
his seeming slownessin shaking the
plum tree, and-; - -tSSfc'7' : 1 :
Whereas the party: on - the tariff
question faces the dUemma of being
oamnea- it it ooos ana aamnea u
it
donj thereora ba li
0 ' f
$1
few weeksi Please don't send, stamps.
I (cents per year,
j, TWO years for 30 cents.
Letter
Resolved, that the profound and
heartfelt sympathy of i the public
is hereby extended to the Democrats
in this their sad day of bereavtment
and trouble.
Resolved that the public is hereby
objured from further tormenting the
unfortunate and incapable Democracy
by pointing the finger of scorn at it
pr by refering to the hard times it
saddled upon the nation in the-days
of Mr. Cleveland. j
Resolved that a copy of theseres
olutions be sent to Mr. Wilsonand
one to eash Democratic, member of
the House and Senate;;.- n ;;'. . ... i
, itesoivea turtner mat; a r copy oe
sent to tht Commoner with request to
uliish. '
Mr. Editor, I don't know whether
the Democrats will appreciate these
resolutions or not. It may be that
they don't want any smypathy . It
may be that they have reached that
stage where nothing but disaster and
ruin, will arouse them. But mind -you,
your Uncle EH can face a devilish
situation as compalcently as anybody.
I- lived thru the Cleveland picnic all
right and I consider that prepared
aman for anything that the Demo
crats are capable of giving, us.
But, Mr. Editor, I say let the Dem
ocrats roll up their sleeves and spit
in their hands and go to work and
"reform" the tariff after their own
sweet will. They can put everything
we eat or wear on the free list and
slap a high tariff on all the nonessen
tials and give the country a sample of
their medicine. . We have been bored
with a lot or rot about American made
watches, sewing machines, harvesters,
etc., being sold at a lower price in
Europe than in this country. It is
up , to the Democrats to rip all- the
tariff out of these things and see how
much easier it will be on American
users to buy such articles.
Let the Dems give us tree Bibles
and breakfast bacon, pig iron and
possum dogs wheat and whet stones,
sow bosom and sardines, millstones
anoT mouse traps, and let 'em put a
tariff five miles high on dukes and
diamonds, Socialists and straddle
bugs, mummies and "Mongolians and
see what change it makes on present
conditions. . The American people
are never going to believe anything
any more about the tariff horse till
they see it tried; tried under the
saddle; tried-In the harness; tried by
the tringue. Theyve got-to see the
animal -worlc before they are ever
going to stake anything on its quali
ties. . ' ' -
But the question now arises, will
the Democrats go to work and give
the country the sort of a tariff law
that they have been howling for for
the past dozen years ? Will they re
deem their promises or will they do
Just like they did when they swept
the country in 1892? My prediction
is that they will fall out among them
selves and fight one another worse
than they have been fighting the Re
publicans. They won't be able to
agree on ratesr rules or regulations.
Southern and Western - Oemocrats
will contend ffor a fair I amount " of
Protection and the Northern J Demo
crats will squall like hyenas for free
trade and thus it will go. sad the
business of the country will' suffer. ;
: Tours, truly, ; :- V -
' r , ELI TUG
: Clie Very best men the4 world has
ever known hare been denounced as
liars, brutes and rgcatifby iheir ene-
Talking it lOver
(Jack Wiley in American Economist)
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' Xo Statesmen. 1
Jim: The new Tariff bill will cut
down the revenue of the Government
$80,000,000. "" " ; ?7
Jack: How will the? Government
make it up? I
. Jim: Why, by the Income Tax.
Jack: But the Tariff bill will de
stroy incomes. How about it, then?
Jim: How in blazes do I know? I'm
not a Democratic statesman.
Forewarned.
Lem: Say, do you know that when
we have free wool we can save at
least six or seven cents on -a suit of
clothes? . r!
Clem: Is that so? .J.
Lem: Yes; and everything will be
cheaper. " ' .
Clem: H6w about shos?
Lem: I guess they will be cheaper
ar
bil
bed
V
n
novt
li
th(
sti
ed.f
farmer in tIaVrsy
He calls himself a statesman.
What do you call him?
Adamfule.
TINKER, TINKER, TINKKTJ.
Tinker, tinker, tinker;
Tinker night and day;
Tinker 'till Protection
Is all tinked away.
Tinker 'till the Tariff
Is all smashed to bits 3 ' -Tinker
'till the worker
Is upon the "fritz." .'
Tinker, tinker; tinker;
Tink until you see
Idle mills where there was
- Once Prosperity.
Tinker 'till wage earners
Search for work and bread;
Tinker 'till the fact'ry -'
Furnaces are dead. .
Tinker, tinker, tinker;
Make the strong man weak;
Substitute for Business
Academic Freak.
But the day is coming -
Just bet all your store
When folks with the Tinkers
Will wipe up the floor.
FREAK NEWSPAPERS
A newspaper which can be eaten
after the information it contains is
absorbed, thus affording nourishment
for the body, as well as the mind, is
being published in Paris and is called
the "Regal." It is printed with an
ink or coloring guaranteed non
poisonous, on thin sheets of dough.
Another freak newspaper, the "Lu
minaria," is published in Madrid, says
the Baltimore "Sun. The Ink with
which is printed contains a small
percentage of phosphorus w so that
the letters are visible in the dark, and
the reader does not need to make a
light to enjoy its contents.
At two French seaside resorts
newspapers called "Le Courier des
Baigneurs" and "La Naido" are print
ed on waterproof paper, so that the
subscriber can take his morning pa
per with him into the sea and read
It while enjoying his bath.
In Paris a paper called "Le Moo
choir' is printed on paper such as
the so-called Japanese napkins are
made of and may become useful when
a man has lost his handkerchief.
But the subscriber who would
try to eat some of the free-thought
rags that are bellyaching - thruout
this land? of tfca brave and borne of
the free yaiiM tomA hfti rftirrrpHng
sack hcllspitfsxcss estd hare cramp
Ml
hej
ag
side!
cult
Ww.
quc lor a ingnsTTTiq xesxg,
That Jap War
Shall Uncle Sam put on his togs L
and chase the yellow Japs, and with
his mighty open palm give them some
needed , slaps ? Bellbld. the Peerless
loudly bleats about the .Prince of
Peace, and wise and wily Woodrow
says that States' Rights must now
cease, altho the Demycrats once
drenched this bright fair lan with
gore to keep this favored principle of
theirs forever more.
The poet seeking words to rhyme
with Wilson Democrats without a
doubt thinks instantly of onlv words.
of spats. The party that has alway-pnou
stood for demagogues for bpss with
out a turmoil on its hands would
sorely be at loss. So no'w their
mighty Hearst and others highly toss
their hats in hope of stirring up the
Japs and mashing in their slats.
While Bryan roars of olive bran
ches signifying peace, and cables
"cross and crown" assurance o'er the
salty seas, old Woodrow and Joseph-
load the guns and haversacks
Congress hurries up the men with
psacks on their backs.
is sweet to see consistency but
we ever see this jewel on the
s of Scrats with their past his-
?
tet a war with Japan come and
h these jingoes run while G. O. P.
guard the flag with life and
d and gun. Will "Kernal" Will
J. resign and hasten to the fore
Woodrow and Josephus rush to
t the cannon's roar? You bet
bottom dollar, no, they will not
round, but closer than in time of
e be at the pie board found.
LY SUNDAY AXD THE BIBLE
uly Sunday is an evangelist wlio
ed from playing baseball after
contract ' had expired with the
eague. He found preaching more
i table than playing in the sun.
it involved less perspiration.
Billy's mouth has never been re-
ped.
prdinarily we say as long as a
hi wants to evangelixe, scandalize.
lize, analyze or tell lies, go it till
k howls, and the devil take the
iVe have no objectibns"t6"ji.man
ching for souls, salary of sea-
d if he wants to. The law doesn't
pel a man to attend one of these
s. pantomines.
ut when a man rears up in the
red pulpit and transforms the
od Old Book into the language of
the slums as Billy Sunday does, we
feel that it is time for some one to
take him by the scruff of the neck
and hold him at arms length while
a swift kick is administered to his
recliner. '
Listen to the following way In
which Billy not long ' ago told a
congregation of Christian people
about - David's valiant victory over
the enemy of the armies of the Liv
ing God. Read on:
" Saul and all of his sons except
David went off to war; they left
David at home because he was
only a kid. After awhile David's
ma got worried. She wonderer
what had become )f his brothers
because , they Hadn't telephoned
to her or sent word. So she said
to David, "David, you go on
down there and see whether they,
are all right"
So David pikes off to where the
. war is, and the first morning
he was there out comes this big
-Goliath, a big strapping fellow
about 11 feet tall, who commenc
ed to shoot off his mouth as to
what he was going to do.
"Who's that big stiff putting
up that game of talk?" asked
David of his brothers.
"Oh, he's the whole works;
he's the head cheese of the Phil
- istines. He does that little
stunt every day."
"Say," said David, Vyou guys
make me sick. Why don't some
of you go out and soak that guy?
You let him get away with that
stuff. LHe decided to gCLOut and
.ten Goliath where to head in.
So Saul saidt: "You'd better
take my armor and sword."
David put them on, but he felt
like a fellow with a hand-me-down
suit about four times too
big for him, so he took them off
and went down to the brook and
picked up a half dozen- stones.
He put one of them in his sling,
threw it, and soaked Goliath in
the cocoa between the lamps, and
he went down for the count.
David drew his siord and chop
ped off his block, and the rest
of the gang skidooed.
V
If this coarse familiarity with
God's word goes on at the present
pace, the next thing' we know Re
becca, Sarah other Biblical
women will be referred to as "skirts!
and Joseph as "the wise. guy of a
Sheeny who put the Dago Egyptians
on the blink for fair. And yet
people pay real money that Jingles
to bear these wide xnootnea monxeys
c&a&er from tip Ql, v A
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Democratic Prayer
Our most worthy and wonderful
Woodrow Wilson, President of tho
whole United States and South Caro
lina, thou who promised us lighter
burdens and lower cost of living, thou
who agreed to repeal the terrible rob
ber tariff, repulse the wicked and re
store the worthy to power, we the tried
and the true, the loyal and the long
suffering. come humbly tumbling
down on our tummies this morning
to plead for a seat at the pie table.
-Most beloved President, we know
nast oodlins of juicy pudding at
thy command. We know that thou
art knee deep in pie. And we know
that thou knowest we are ready and
willing and waiting. As the hungry
hog squeals for slop when the farmer
goes out to the hog-pen with the
bucket, so squealeth we. For over
eight long and lonesome weeks, most
noble master, we have been waiting
and watching for some sign of official
nourishment. For over eight long
and painful weeks have we been dis
appointed. The strain is getting aw
ful. Notch after notch has been tak
en up in our belly bands till our frail
wasp-like bodies are a sight to be
hold. And the hookworms are now
setting in on us and woe is our fate
Noble President, we try to have
faith in thy gracious promises and
abide our time, but thou knowest
faith alone will not feed the stomach
or clothe the Back. We had hoped
and believed that' ere this time that
beefstake would be five cents a pound
and flat back not over six. But it
seems that living is just as hteh as
it was when Big Bill Taft filled the
chair and Republican rascality cover--ed
the land. Everything we have to
buy keeps roosting on -the topmost ,
limb and many things we have to sell
have tumbled In price. Master Wil
son, do you reckon it is possible that
you hae got the wires crossed? We
A 1 1 A X 1 1
mouguL inmgs we woum nave 10 sen
were going to bring us more money
and the things we had to buy would
reduce in price. That was our Idea,
beloved Master. That was what made
us whoop it up so lively for theo last
fall. That is what made ua. loesa r
sleep and expose ourselves to. hc.it-
atidcolj ..wet and dry. Jto x
for - thee. And "we: are' still
and watching and .hoping, but we are,
getting thinner and weaker. Our
hope is petering out like water from a
leaky barrel and our faith Is so weak f
it wont stand much longer without a
little pie to prop It up. j
Master Wilson, we realize that fifty
times ten thousand hungry Democrats
are waiting and hoping for fifty
thousand offices that are now held by
pesky Republicans and still not a .
blessed plum is falling. Gracious
President, wilt thou not shake ths
tree just a little? We want to see
how it feels to pick up a few scatter
ing plums. If thou hast not time to
shake it, let Josephus Daniels give
it a jar. If thou art too busy ad
dressing Congress on the tariff ques-
tion, give us a sign or a nod that II
will be jarred in a few weeks. Just
wiggle thy big toe worthy master,
and we will understand.
But, master Wilson, If it is against
thy will that we are to be rewarded
with any pie, we want to ask this
favor at thy hands: We might be
able to stand the strain and live thru
thy administration- without any pie
provided our fears are relieved about
a'panic. Now we ask that thou put a
stop to the men who are predicting a
panic as a result of theUnderwood bilL
If a panic was to come and us with- ,
out the offices, thou knowest it would
kill us dead as Hector. These cotton
mill men have got us scared almost
to death. They keep telling the peo
ple that wages will have to be cut
and hours shortened In the mills it
the Underwood bill becomes a law as
It now stands. Make 'em shut up that
talk. We can't bear to hear such!
talk. It makes us weak at the knees.
It makes creepy feelings crawl u
and down our spinal columns. Is
brings back memories of those darlr
days when Mr. Cleveland was fct
power.
Now, In conclusion. Master Wilson,
we want to thank thee for all tibu
has done for us. We want to thanta
thee for being our Democratic Presi
dent We want to thank thee for
planting the little spark of hope la,
us that we have. We want to thank
thee for taking care of BlHy Bryan.
We want to thank thee for promising
us free sugar to go in our toddy. Wa
want to thank thee for being our.
great Democratic - president Now,
hear us in these our petitions and a .
will only thank thee the more. GItjj
us only a sign that we will be the re
ci plants of thy favors and we will
not only keep howling and" whoop Lar
for thee but we will try to lic every
bottle-nosed Republican who we Hear
criticising thy glorious name. Wo
will even go farther than that. Oat:
assure s of a few plums fcom CXT
bountiful band and we win est c7
stand by thee thru thick and thin ci
we will send thee enough blacl
fr maka a not Die as big U r"
namper oauci,' t:
If&alL bo jhlnA Aasa,
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