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VOL XIX.
MORAVIAN FALLS,y NORTH CAROLINA, THURSDAY, OCT. I&, I9I3
NO. 16.
Letter From Puff
& Blow, Attorneys
; Mansfield, Ark.,
Oct. 6th, 1913.
Editor Yellow Jacket,
Moravian Falls, N. C.
Dear Sir: We hereby inform ypu
that our client, the Devil, has a seri
ous legal complaint against you, o
wit and as follows: I
He alleges that at various and
sundry times you hare prtotea or
caused to be printed in your paper,
The Yellow Jacket, certain defama
tory statements to the effect that pe
(the Devil was present at the birth
of the Democrat Party, and that pe
(the aforesaid Devil) did then and
there . deliberately and with fore-
m . . x A- xixi. : '
inougnt accept me utie ana respon
sibility of Godfather to the said
Democrat Party. ;
Now the Devil admits that he was
present at the birth of the Democrat
Party, but affirms that he DID n6t
stand Godfather to the same; that.
tho be was urged to accept the said
office of Godfather to the Democrat
.rariy, yet ne aeciinea wim loan
saying, i possess little enough
character now, God knows, and I
truly wish to preserve the lit
which yet remains to me.'
client rightly maintains that had
become party to any' such debasing
proceeding he assurdly would have
sunk to a plane ten thousand tim
lower than the one he now, in popu
lar imagination, occupies.
, The Devil sends us a letter,
questing that we read same, and, if
in pur opinion, it is found to contain
nothing which might react against
him in event necessity demands that
we file suit against you, to then for
ward the letter to you for your peru
sal. There being nothing there
contained which is damaging j to our
client, we embody herein a copy, re
taining original for our files, i
To the Editor of -the Yellow Jacket,
At Moravian n Falls, State rof Nor
Carolina,
In the Tin it Ad States nf Amerir-a
Sir: Tho your paper, The iYellojw
jacket, does not circulate in He
(none of the inhabitant of my king
dom adhering . to the Republican
faith) yet I have been informed thru
some of my representatives on earth
that you are circulating thru the
columns of your journal,! the afore
said Yellow Jacket, certain libelous
reports to the purport that I am the
Democrat Party's Godfather. This,
Mr. Editor, is false. I wouldn't
think of being such a thing, ll admit
that I am a pretty tough mutt, and
would not hesitate to do almost any
f outrageous, debasing, defiling, wicked
thing, but to be Godfather to the
Democrat Partynay verily, not by a
damsfter for it would so demean me
that I would be ashamed to show my
face in Hell. would weep with, hum
iliation to such extent that my tears
would pat out Heirs fire; and dis
gusting mortification would so abase
me that Hell would be to me a mil
lion times more hellish that the mind
is capable otrisPifri
Bp
repf
th?
mil
not
ty
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th
bu
di
to
foi
so
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th
th
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h
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Our Lay Sermon
My dear Billy Goats and Nannie
Goats: It has been a good while
since I looked into your gentle facos
and admonished you with the Grand
Saving Grace of Common Sense. !l
Some of you look as if 1 things
hadn't been well with you since
my last visit., I see some gray hairs
have appeared in the last year. Many
of you seem to have been painting
your necks and noses a brighter red.
Oh, how I wish I could lead j you to
realize that the saddest words of
tongue or pen are "What a pity le
drinks."
During the past year we spent two
Ibillion dollars for intoxicating li
quors and twelve million for i foreign
mission That is 16 to one. ! Thiuk
of it and weep. Twelve million dol
lars for painting the picture of t ie
Saviour to the heathen world aid
two billion dollars for painting oar
own necks and noses a bright Ver
million red. r
Who said Prohibition?
What do you suppose, dear Goats,
the heathen think of us anyway? Ill
tell you what he thinks. He thinks
"Hypocrite." He laughs at the pre
sumption of a nation that appropri
ates 16 dollars to John Barleycorn
and one dollar to John the Baptist.
And think of the "heathens at home.
Think that for every heatheji we
save with the 12 million dollars, we
dig five drunkard's graves in this
country with the use of the two bil
lion dollars. Did you ever look at! it
that way, dear goats? And .while I
think of it, I want to say that I
smell a pipe that is loud enough to
be observed by the Gate Keeper of
High Heaven. i j
And some of you complain abcut
hard times. Yet you . smoke and rab
and chew enough tobacco every year
to build- a twenty thousand dol! ar
school house in every county in the
United States. And they call Amer
ica the light of the world. I suppose
they mean the ..light of the still
house, the pipe and the cigarette
can be seen around the world. Tl at
it a pretty light to let shine befcre
the world, aint it? j i
We talk and talk about the opiu n
smoking Chinaman and pity him, yet
there are pipes in soma nf vnnr tWTt-
ets that would kill a Chinaman as
dead as a smoked herring by simply
pulling tho stem thru his mouth. lid
you know there is enough cieacly
poison contained in a single poujad.
of tobacco to kill three hundred mdn?
. Some of you Williams and Nannies
appear to be terribly hard Tagainst
the sin of ball rooms and the th4a-
gj
de
5
Ml1 Sub.
Offer
Club of 10 subs, for $1
Club of 4 subs, for 50c
Club of 2 subs, for 30c.
Single subs. 1 year 25c.
The above Special Offer holds good
for sixty days and applies to both
new and old subscribers. We hope
that every friend of the Stinger will
take advantage of this "low tariff"
subsvription offer and send us a club
Any subscriber can easily secure a
club of from two to ten because peo
ple naturally want to see what The
Yellow Jacket is saying about Wood
row Wilson and his Free Trade Ad
ministration durinsr these ninins:
times. We kindly ask each and every
md of this paper to secure us a
b as earlv as ossThl Please
't remit stamps on subscriptions.
Iress all letters to The Yellow
ket, Moravian -Falls, N, C.
E It is a part of the contract in
low club rate that you send a list
tmea with your club to whom we
send samples. For a club of ten,
live "sample" names and for a
of six or less, send three "sam-
jaddresses.
Heart Throbs
By Louie Arthur Hodges
Same BeinerSoul Thouzht Ex-
fessed by Word of Mouth from
lrow to William and vice Yers&
5
orning, William."
owdy, Woodrow."
dreamed of Free Sugar last
t, William."
nd I of World-Wide Peace."
fwas a Sweet, Sweet Dream,
am." t
ye; and a Peaceful one!"
po you Delight Hn Dreams, Wil-
phey Over -Joy me, Woodrow;
r are; the Silver Lining td" our
ds of care. They are the Beauti-
and the Beautiful is the True;
the True is the Right. It ia
Woodrow, that we Attain the
hi."
How Squarely you Hit the Xail on
Head, , dear Will!"
t is a Characteristic of mine,
Wood!"
b dream is Patriotic."
Extremely so!"
pause ensued during which
bdrow Seemed pensive.
Villiam!"
.Voodrow!"
lavA vou. alwavs dreamed
Ws?"
jt is my chief Business in Life,
km Dreams; I bundle them Up
place them Within my Bag Pipe.
, when the Weather is Fine, I
!ut and Blow into my Bag Pipe,
ng Melodies. I play the Bag
fairly Well, Woodrow; and when
Loaded with Dreams the music
I entice from it is Very Effect-
Z
3
A Democrat's Jimmies
(BY LOUIE ARTHUR HODGES)
Bleak's the night, my boys, and darksome; draw the
blinds and close the door;;
Mix a wildcat sorghum cocktail six or eight or twelve
or more;
For tonight there's hell a-brewing you can breathe it in
the air;
North or East or South or Westward, hell's a-brewing
everywhere.
Tis the Bull Moose and the Elephant a-getting danger
ous thick
They are chumming and hobnobbing, and they're fram
ing up a trick
For to bounce and trounce and thump and bump and
biff upon the coneh
Our friend and dear, dear comrade ; the Democratic
Bonk!
Oh, the creepy, weepy feeling that's benumbing of my
bones !
For there's woe, woe in the night air; you can hear the
ghostly groans
You can hear the tearful, fearful, saddening, maddening
awful noise
Of the howling, yowling heartsobs of our Donkey, oh my
boysl
Oh, my bosom, boys is bursting and my heart with horror
quakes !
Mix me ten more wildcat cocktails, I am pining to see
snakes!
For snakes now would be a comfort mix 'em, boys,
and add five more !
Gods! the Elephant and Bull Moose see! they re peck
ing thru the door!
Closer, closer they are coming! Now they're one ONE
G. O. P. ! v
Oh! it's Denis with the Donkey, and it's Denis, oh, with
me I N
They will bounce us, they will trounce us, they will put
us in the sack !
Oh! it's Denis and damnation with the Democratic Jack!
I
I
THE MONEY MAKERS
have observed that the Emo-
1 Rarely fail of Dancing to
PiDinss. Bin: and I have
Lmed that perhaps Some day ypu r
teach MB to Blow JTortn rrom
lag Pipe music as Mellifluous as
. I ao Confess that I. too, Long
tw Dancinkly.
ndeed. I would Gladly teach you
art of rendering Pipings bewitch-
Dance Compelling; for, in
you- possess Dreams a-plenty
'which to load the Bag: but the
n? art is an art the cunning ofi
- c . . . f
ch Comes Not from Teacning
he who possesses it Not N a tar
possesses it Not at All; and
aueh An Due attempts to ripe
cingly he lets the Dreams out of
Raff, which is the equivalent ot
ting the Cat out of the Bag,
ch is the Same as naying ine
kl, and-" -
ut, William, l nave wnicen raucn
ory" v
knd pray write Much more, dear
fid. Truly, when you feel Pipingly
lined I would tremble with hap
less to have you Load my Bag
V with your Sweetest Dreams
(your Dreams approach mine in
intial Dreaminessbut there is
ytuch history to be written, which
thought! Dear William, I
it I listen: To the Measure of
exanisite Pipings I shall write
Alost Masterful history! Its title
ill be: 'The Coniroiutory career
t Bag Pipe Bill-' It shall be the
Sie Story of thine own Eventful
I dear William, and shall be the
Owning Glory of all histories the
y mainest BILLY HE 'HISTORY
all the world of histories-"
Hnd Woodrow and William clasped
ads, while the Warming influence
their Mutual Understanding and
jreciation raised the temperature
th Immediate Vicinity. 4 degrees.
St. Luke xii:16 34: And he
spake a parable unto them, "saying,
The ground of a certain rich man
brought forth plentifully:
And he thought within himself,
saying, What shall 'I do, because I
have no room where to bestow my
fruits?
And he said. This will I do; I will
pull down my barns, and build great
er; and there will I bestow all my
fruits and my goods.
And I will say to my soul, SouL
thou hast much goods laid up for
many years; take thine ease, eat,
drink and be merry.
But God said unto him, Thou fool,
this night thy soul shall be required
of thee: then whose shall those
things be which thou hast provided?
So is he that layetn up treasure
for himself and is not rich toward
God. "
And he said unto his disciples
Therefore 1 say unto you. Take no
thought for your life, what ye snaix
eat; neither for the body, what ye
shall put on.
The life is more than meat, and
the body is more than raiment.
Consider the ravens : for they nei
ther sow nor reap; which neither
have storehouse nor bam;, and God
feedeth them: how much mora axe
ye better than the fowls?
And which of you with taking
thought can add to his stature one
cubit?
If ye then be not able to do that
thing which is least, why take ye
thought for the rest?
Consider the lilies how they grow:
they toil not, they spin not; and yet
I say unto you that Solomon in all
his glory was not arrayed like one
of these "
If then God so cloth the grass
which is today in the field and to
morrow is cast into the oven; how
much more will he clothe you, O ye
of little faith?
And seek not ye what ye shall
eat, or what ye shall drink, neither
be ye of doubtful mind.
For all these things do the nations
of r the world seek after: and your
Father knoweth that ye have need
of these things.
But rather seek ye the kingdom of
God, and all these things shall be
added unto you.
Fear not, little flock, for It is
your Father's good pleasure to give
you the kingdom. .
Sell that ye have and give alms;
provide yourselves bags which wax
not old, a treasure in th heavens
that fafleth not, where no thief ap
proacheth, neither moth corrnpteth,
For where your treasure is, there
nRJ jour heart be also .
PROGRESSIVE REPUBLICAN
That's our puncheon, Mr. Squid
nunk. We believe that covers the
case like a blanket. The Yellow
Jacket finds Progressive Republicans
everywhere we go and they' are as
serene as the eagle that soars above
the mountain crags and looks into
the burning face . of the sun. It is
apparent that the country is thor
oughly progressive from one end to
the other, as the term is: meaning
that the people are in thorough sym
pathy with the righteous revolt of
the man against the dollar-mark. The
country stands for the ideal of equal
ity of all citizens before the law, for
the abolishment of privileges and
preferences, and under the banner of'
Progressive Republicanism, or Re
publican Progressiveism, or Repub
licanism or Progressiveism, we will
sweep the deck next whirl, and tho
little coterie of "tariff reform" Dem
ocrats won't cut any more ice than;
a one-legged man. at a foot race or a!
hair-lipped girt at a beauty show.
Take it easy, pat a little court plas-j
ter on th skinned places and rub a;
little Yellow Jacket xnentholatum oaf
your sot spots and it won't seenx,
long till the angel of success will i
mark your door post and the dove of'
peace will hover over your manteLi
Tim will heal more wounds than.;
salve and mak more converts than '
reason.
Walt hasojt oit harry thaw
Oh, yon fin me with a pain, Harry;
Thaw; for yoa will bob up again.
Harry Thaw; I had thought you
safely canned, and I smiled to beat
the band, Harry Thaw. Then, to
cook my spirit's -goose, Harry Thaw;
from retirement you broke loose.
Harry Thaw; oh, you made the best
of sprints, and your name in lurid
tints fills the doggone public prints.
Harry Thaw. You're a chestnut old
and weird, Harry Thaw; there are
hens nest in your beard, Harry
Thaw; you have wearied gods and
men with your larnyx and your pen
yet, gadsook; you come again, Harry,
Thaw! You're a cheap and poor ex
cuse, Harry Thaw; I'd be glad to se
you loose, Harry Thaw, if I thought
that yoa would chase to the jumping
over place; take away that clammy;
face. Harry Thaw! Yon and Evelyn,
are freaks, Harry Thaw; and the
country with you reeks, Harry Thaw;
but the country's getting tired, and
when both of you are fired 'twill b
something much desired, Harry.
Thaw. What a blessing it win be.
Harry Thaw, when from you and
yours we're free, Harry Thaw!
When the daffy newsy sheet prints no
Harry-and-repeat, and your wife has
frozen feci, Harry Thaw! Will
i
ne come or. you have doubtless