dfftalham juwdJ 5V H. A. LONDON, Jr., FDITuK AND ruOPKIETOR. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION: or ADVKUTIH NO. Orieaijuare, oneliiMitleti, 11 Oiisiian,tu'iliiM'iii, . l w aeii.irea'Mi'iM"ni)i, . j.so Onseoejr .six iii.intha Om capr, Uii-w luoutU;, 1 ' 1.00 "i VOL. IV. PITTSBOKO CHATHAM CO., N. C, JUNE 15, 1882. NO. 40. tr larger advertisement lil-r .1 ontrarts will If II up tyeak Well of Eat'h Oilier. Thin,' of greatest moment ufttu Hurt from trifles liiit na uir, And tbiu many guiltless be-inxs line bif a hunted to dei-pair By the vpuoiuoi video of goerip, which throws poison everywhere. Sonietitnca in our own homo clrclo Words are spoken tliuut;hlc,ly, Pointing Willi a sliadn of reason Toward a friend's intern:; ; Thoae few words may gather others liJI a ecau dal vat we see. Sometime, ton, vague hints mar v, ;,'. n lioubta and tears within the so'il ; Hints concerning trivial aeiimi Deep suspicious may unroll, Dunging tome loved ones in tiou! which no effort can control. Yet she may l e J cor and ;;".i!e!ei, Freo from every tin iigli! of ill ; But that hint, s i.liy spuki n, Oralis its deadly pun-on still ; Biicb light words of gofsip Hai l.-1 cm itli grief a young life liil. Every one is pr ne t j filler, Clouds on tvurj heart may fall ; 8ome grope onward, led by Folly, 8 inie respond to J'uty's rail ; Our friend's case we ciniw f.ithom, w should never Judgy at all. Rpcak not ill of friend or lever, They may prove true iu the m l ; Best be blind to little failing-), And stand ready to defend ; Always striving to discover s jine lie virtue in our fiitud. Burdened by gomu foul injustice ; Htung by slights that seldom fail, Innocence is otleu wounded By suspicion's lliii.ty veil, And that veil each day grows t'lieher thioiigh the bCJiidul-Iovcr's tale. Then beware of passing gossip ; Light as is tho siioiv-llake's fall, It will gather in its a-sago Till the ilrilt is huge an I tail. Ho when speaking i f a neijjib. r say g.-ol things or none it I all. A PROFESSED COOK. " 'Wanted a situation by o professed cjok. Tho licet city references fiver,' The veiy thing," I mentally exclaimed, as my eye fell on thin advertisement in a morning paper. " Yes, I'll try a pro fesod rook this time, fir I verily be lieve that ' good plain coot ' in only n synonym for bad coffee, lurojiy potutoes, and juice less meats." I put on my bonnet and lint ri tl off to secure the tftaure. To my great disappointment she, was nut i i ; but, leaving word for her to cull in tbe even ing, I went away, hoping that the guests who wero t) arrive in a day or two would not find me cooklcss, ni I had at first feared Ereuing came, and with it a cook. 1 bid been running over in my mind the Virions questions wbicli I intended ask ing her, and the various duties which she was to be told the must per form, determined that there should bo no excUHu licmifterforuny omission, btcaute the did not know that such and such thing was expected of her. 1 went into the dining-room, (where she bad been ushered,) ar.d found her standing in the mi Idle of it, deliberately surveying it. " This is Margaret McNnlty, I sup pose ? " I said, as I went in. " Yis, ma'am," was the reply, with a slight brogue, " Are you tho otild lady's daughter 1" I smiled at this, no doubt ; for bow could I help feeling the flattery ? I, who had been married more years thin I choose to tell. "No; I am the mit trees of the bouse," I replied. "Oh, jis, I jist supposed ye was tho mistbress of the house from yer seeing me; but isn't there an onld lady, too?" "No," I answered, forgetting, in my astonishment at her questions, to put any of ray own. "Thin this isn't Mr. Gordon's bouse ? " she said. "No. Mr. Gordon hain't live 1 here for aomo years." "Ob, well, be did live here; and I knew the onld lady couldn't be you ; for, you see, I was well acquainted with the family." "Uan you give me good reference?" I said, asking the first question I had been able to in the Interview. " Ob, yis, I can jist give you the best riforences in the city. Yon see, ma'am, I'm a professed cook. I can do ivery thing in the way of cooking in the world. I can make all kinds of sonp, and pastry, and fancy dishes yon can name; and aa for desserts, there is nothing I can't do." My heart fell. I began to fear that abe oould do too much ; but I thought of my expected guests, and determined to give her a trial at least. "If you can do all those things I ought - to be satisfied," I said. " Can you make Charlotte Russe ? " " Well now, ma'am yon see, Charlotte Basse is the only thing I can't make. My band ain't good at Charlotte, some how; but I oan make Italian creams, and Frenoh creams, and syllybubs, and onffles, and iverytbing you can men tion, ma'am, but Charlotte ; I ain't good at Charlotte. What wages do you give, ma'am ? " " Two. dollars and a half a week," I replied. " Well, I have lived out for two dol lars and a half a week ; but I mostly have been getting three dollars, ma'am. You see, lima professed cook, andean do iverything." We need not talk further of it, then, Margaret. I shall not pay more than two dollars and a half a week-'' " Well, ma'am, as I like you, I wouldn't let fifty cents a week part friends ; I'll take two and a half, bat I give you my word cf honer, ma'am, that I havo an offer at Dr. Howell's, down the street, at sleven dollars a month, sirs, llowell said she never paid more than tei dollars ; but tho doctor said he liked my face, ma'am, so be said he would give me eleven dollars if I'd go but still fifty cents sha'n't part us, ma'am. What's your name ma'am ? don't think I rightly heard." " Newton," I answered, much amused. " Newton? Oh, yis ; I've heard of it ; it's a very respectable namo indeed. A very good family, nia'nui I " But you have not told my yet, Mar garet, where you have Leeu living; am not willing to take a cook without n recommendation." Oil, here's a bit of naper, ma'am, that I got from Mrs. Wilson, where I lived last a kind of recommend, you s e for when" ' That will not answer. I never taku a esrvaut from a written recommenda tion ; I niusl see some ono with whom she has lived." "I intirely approve of i-', niVani, in- tirely ; besides, it's not fashionable now to have written character, I bolieve 1 was getting desperate. "Where dec j Mr. Wihon live?" asked. " 0!i, hhe's moved. 8he live on street, on the right baud side of tho wnv ; only a modorato sized house, but you'll Hud it nately furnished. You don t think wo could strike a bargain now, do you? I would come and stay a week, and you could try me, and iu the meantime you could inquire my char acter, and if we didn't suit each other, why no harm done." 1 wai breathless with all this volubility; so, opening the door, I told her to call the nest day, at noon, for her answer. Biie had gone half way down tho hall, when hhe turned and asked, "ilivo jou stationary wash-tubs?" "No." "Not stationary wat-h-tubs? Thsi'.'s strange ; there is always stationary watth tubs iu the first families. I suppose you've a range, and hot and cold water pipes in the kitchen ? " " Yes." " Well, ma'am, could I fee lh3 kitchen ? I always like to soe the kitchen before I engage to go to a place." " It will be time enough for that when I make up my iniud that you will suit mo, ' I answered, waking resolutely to the front door. Nothing but tho fear of my friend coming and finding mo without a cook would havo induced mo even to inquire iuto Margaret's character. The mistress of the "moderate sized house, nately furnished," gave her a sufiioiently good reputation to make mo take hr on trial. Hhe had been installed in the kitchen but a few hours when I was sent for, and found all the pots and kettles, and, in fact, every kind of cooting utensil, oat in tho middle of the floor. " I'm very particular, ma'am," she be gan, "about the things I cook with. You'll have to get me another sort of a tin k'tchen ; I can't roast with this up and down thing at all." (My lust cook bud discarded the old faihioued tin kitchen for an upright one to fit tbe range.) " And this boof-steak broiler why, it aiu't fit to cook with in a gen tleman's family." Ho she went over nearly every kitchen article before her sometimes condescend ing to praise a thing very faintly, or saying perhaps she oould make it do, but requiring me to spend twenty dol lars for new articles. Of course I waited for the first din ner with much anxiety, and I hardly need say that it was a failure. The sonp had a very French look, to be sure, for is was thin and black, but utterly in sipid ; the potatoes came on in fancy pyramids, but were heavy and cold ; the cranborrids, beautifully molded, were burnt, and the meat scarcely warmed through. I consoled myself, however, by thinking that perhaps the dessert 'might prove more successful. But, alasl the pastry was as tough as leather, and the custard like water. I worriod through a woek with my " professed cook," but at the end of it we all bad tbe dyspepsia, and my store closet was not noarly so well filled as when she oame. It may be that pro fessed cooks require more articles to get up their meals with, and are naturally mere extravagant than others ; but I snsprct that Margaret had sisters and friends to whom she was benevolent at my expense, so I dismissed her, and I am sure that I shall never again bave the temerity to try a professed cook. The best thing in bonnets continues to be as In the past A pretty faoe. Business Habits, "There is probably not oi;o farmer in ten thousand," says an exchange, "who keeps a h t of accounts from which bo can at any moment lturn tho cost of anything ho may have produced, or even tho cobt of his real property. A very few farmers who bave luen bronght up to business halts keep such accounts and are el.e to tell how their affairs progress, what each crop, each kind of stock, or each animal has cost and what each produces. Knowing these points a farmer can, to a very great extent, properly decide what crops he will grow and what kind of btoek he will keep. He will thus lo ubio to apply his lull or and money where it will do tho mobt good. lie can weed out his stock and retuia only such animuls as may lo kept with protit. For the want of such knowledge furme;s continue, year ufter year, to feed cows that are unproliti Me, and frequently sell for lots than hor value ono that i-i the l'.'st of tho herd, because bhe i-i not known to Id any lut ter than the ret. Feed is ulso wasted upon ill-bred stock, and keep of which cobts three or four times thut of well bred animald, which, as havo luen proved by figures thut cannot 13 mis taken, pay a large protit on their keep ing. For want of knowing what they cost, poor crops are raised year by year at an actual lots, provided the farmer's lulur, at tho rates current for common labor, were charred against them. To learn thut he Iihm li-.cn working for fifty cents a day during a uumli.'r of years, while ho has lnon paying his help twice as much, would open the eyes of many a farmer who , has actually luen doing tin's, and it would convince him that there is toni v.d'io in figures und Inok avounts. It ii not generally under stood tint a mn who raises twen'v barbels of corn per ucro pays twice as much for his ploughing nnl harrowiuir, twice as much for lulur, and twice as great interest upon the cost of his farm as a neigLlnr who laiscs forty b.ishels per acre. Nor is it understood thut when he raises a pig thut makes one hundred and fifty pounds of pork in u year that his pork coMs him twice as much cr the coin ho fid.-, brirgs him but half as much as thut of his neigh bor, whofe pig weighs three hundred pounds nt u yeur old. II ull these things were cleurly set down iu figures ttpoti u pngo in uu uceoutit book, uud were studied, there woud i not only u Mid den awakening to the mi rolitl'!eiicbn of such farming, but uu immediate remedy would ba sought. For w er- son could resist evidence of this kind if it wero onco b.onght plainly home to him. It ttoreketpers, met chuntf, or manufacturers kept no accounts they could not possibly carry on their b .isi ness, and it is only hcuusn tho farmer's business is one of the most safe that he can still go ou working in tho dark and throwing away opportunities of but tering bis condition uud increasing his profits." How llrinkliiK I'll uses Apuplexr It is tho es.seutiul nature of ull wines and spirits to send un increuiied amount of blood to the brain. Tho first ellect of taking a glass of wine or stronger form of alcohol is to send the blood there faster than common. Hence the circulation that gives the red fuco. It increases the activity of the brain, and t works faster, and so docs the tongue; but as the blood goes faster tlmn com mon to the brain, it returns faster, and no immediate barm may result. But suppose a man keeps on drinking, the blood is sent to the brain eo fat in large quantities that, in order to mukc room for it, the arteries havo to charge, themselves. They increaso in size, and, in doing so, they press agaiust the more yielding flaccid veins, which carry the blood out of tho bruin and thus diminish the size of their pores the result being that the blood is not only carried to the arteries of the brain faster than is nataral or healthful, but t is prevented from leaving it us fast as usual, nonce a dotiblo sot of causes of death are in operation. Ilenco a man may drink enough of brandy or other spirits in a few hours, or even minutes, to bring on a fatal attack of apoplexy. This is literally being dt a 1 drunk. Tutting on Airs. The other tiny a colored lady of standing, Mrs. Simpson, purola-od a Gamesborough, and visited M re. Fen nel. It was evident that Mrs. Simpson possessed a few airs which sho wished to display over Mrs. Fennel. "My hus band," said Mrs. Simpson, "wanted me ter get a finer hat den dis, bnt reflect ing dat the $20 bills in tho lnttom of de drawer was gctton san tor scarce like, I concluded to content myself wid a $5tnV" "Wall, yer was savin'," re remarked Mrs. Fennel, and then step ping to the door, exclaimed : "Tildy, take dat ? 1,000 bill away from dat chile. He tore np two yesterday. Dar ain't no sense in allowin' chillrtn ter stroy money in dat way." Mrs. Simpson retired, realizing that her bat was a failure. Little llnok Gazette. When a writer couples the words "Christina statermai" togethor be does one or the other a lank injustice lilts of Science. Sehol's liquid blacking cons-'sts of fifty parts anphalte, fifty parts naphtha, six purls linseed oil varnish, fourteen parts traiu oil and thirteen j arts spirits of wino. It has b.-en proved by Herr A. Muntz and others that tie fcubititution of maize for oats in feed. ng horses has bjen at tended with very satisfactory results. It is stated that the htreets and public places of Paris are lighted with 45,815 gas b irners, sixty-three electric lamps, sixty five vegetable oil latnpc, and 2'.f.i mineral oil lamps. A great number of n iulyses and ex. perimcuts conducted by Mr. A. Lovy, show that grapes ripened in sunlight con'a'n H.5I per cent, more Migar, and 1 237 less acids tlm those nn'.ured in darkness. From nn examination of (-tatisties com piled b Dr. Andrews, of Chicago, nnd Dr. Itichurdson, of London, ether is by far the m'est tf anm-ithetics, only one death occurring from it in the course of 2') I!1 1 1 u Immigrations. Bichloride of methylene causes death one 3 inG,O!J0 instances of i's use. Tho Sanitary Engineer is glal thnt the officials of wa'er works in New Eng land a-e iilout to organizj an associa tion. It lolieves that such a society will lo of great service in nlvancinpr some of the important questions which concern the nnuaftenicnt of public water supplies, such n? waste, etc. At Salib irj, in tho Tyrol, somo old bricks were found to lo an?notic. Ex. periments on tho clays in the neigbbir hoo.l showed that tho bricks, which contained brounerite, nib n l ite, argilla ceous iron g!net, chloriio and horn blende, Imti'ue, after intense heatin; capsb'.e of utr!c!ing a magnet. Tho gasometer of the greatest height and the largest capacity is in tho pos sesion of the South Metropolitan Gas Company, London, England. Tho in ner lift is 2 ' feet diameter by fifty three feet six inches deep; middle lift, 211 feet d 'nueter by flfty-throo feet three inches; outer lift, 211 feet diameter by fifty thre feet, thm having a total height of 1-1D feet nine inches. The new or "Wells co!net" is steadily increasing in brightness, and must ere long 1)3 a very conspicuous object in the hoavei s without thu nid of a telescope. According to Mr. William 11. Brooks, of the Bed II ouso Olnervutory, Phelps, N. V., its approxiniiito position on May 1, will Ion 1 follows: Right as cension, twenty hours, thirty eight minutes; north declination, sixty-eight degrees fifty seconds. In Norway, woodpeckers damage tele graph poles by boring through them, sr,prsing that tho humming sound pro duced by the wires is caused by insects upon which they feed. Bears also re move tho supports of the poles, iustinct leading them to suspect thnt the hum mine; is produced by wild baes and that the poles contain honey. Instinct, like reason, is not infallible. The Lancet publishes a communica tion to tho effect tl:n' loracio 11 aid two drams, glycerino half un ounco, and water hilf an ounce, well mixed and ap plied freely to the funces every hour, and less frequently when tbe dangerous symptoms show signs of abating, will provo of advantage in treating diph theria. The applicatioa must not be discontinued too abruptly ortbe deposit will re-form. These are Mr. O. Comes's observa tions on the effect of the light on tho transpiration of plants : The transpi ration of water is effected by light 10 well as by the other physical agents in fluencing evaporation; and therefore, plants transpire moro by day than dnr ing the night, and tho 11 mount is pro portioned to tho intensity of the ligbti und the parts of tho plants which trans pire most are those which are most in tensely colored. (rant's First lilay of Cowardice. At tho marriage of John Bussell Young, to Miss Coleman at Hartford rccentlr. General Grant was a guest, and when the ceremony was over tho company waited for the general to take precedence in extending congratula tions. Tho general went forward, lead ing Lis pretty little grand-daughter, Fred Grant's child, by tbo band, and after t-hnking hands with the bride said to his grandchild :" Won't you kiss tbe lady?" The bride caught the child in her arms, kissed it, and then looking up blushingly, said : "I would like to kiss tho grandfather, too, if I dared." Tho veteran warrior, who had faced a blazing battery, seemed all at onoa to become a trembling coward, no flushed np, looking sheepish, but conscious that tbe bride was peeping at him from behind drooping eyelids and was waiting for bim to say or do something, mechanically extended hia hand, and tbe next moment a fair face was in bit beard, imprinting a kiss upon the line trot marked his mouth. He seemed to be in a tremor as be grasped his grand child's band and backed away. All tbe young gallants were surprised at the cowardice of an old soldier before a pair of fresh, inviting lips, FASHION' 0IKS. Satin straws are popular. Worth uses jet profusely. Tournurcs are very largo. Bampaut ruches are (tjlish. Garden flowers are fashionable. Cloth jackets are severely plain. Hoees border evening dress skirts. Colored grenadines will bo worn again. Little girls wear wido wlii'e neckties. London be nities color their hair li- tian red. Fans have kittens' beads painted on them. Whito wool dresses are niude in ithctic stylec. Gentlemen's folded scarfs are worn by ladies. Suede gloves are worn in terra cotta shades. Punier draperies modernizo lai-t year's dresses. Coided silk rivals sutiu for bi ides' dresses. Ostrich feather pompons are worn in the hair. Trailing arbutus is the favorite flower at present for corsage be 11 juets. Lavru tenuis Mi i pes como in red, olive and Japanese bluo shades. New veils are seal brown or wine col ored tulle dotted with chenille. Jet collars and cuffs are wired for trimming black grenadine dresses. White flannel dresses will be popular in the country with young ladies. Tho Boulevard parasol is 11 it in Japanese fashions, and las many 11 ir row ribs. Young ladies wear eglantine flowers arranged in an Alsatian bow on straw bonnets. Pink is a favorite color for young ladies' dresses, both for morning nnd evening wear. E'ght bridesmaids at a fashionable wedding of the past week carried bas kets of rosebuds, each having a differ ent variety of roses. Apropos of Nothing. It was iu the smoking-car on tho New York Central. There wus ono chap who was blustering a great deal und telling of how many duels ho had fought, and behind him tat n small man reading u magazine. " Sir 1 " raid the big man as he wheel ed around, " what would you do if chul icnged ? " "Befuse," was tho quiet reply. " Ah ! I thought us much. Befuse and bo branded a coward I Whut if a gentleman offered you tho choice of a duel or apnblic horsewhipping then what?" "I'd take tho whipping." "Ah I thought so thought ho from the looks of you. Suppose, sir, you bad foully slaudered me? " " I never Blunder." " Then, sir, snpposo I had coolly and deliberately insulted you ; what would you do?" "I'd rio np this way, put down my book this way, and reach over like this and take him by the nose as I take you, and give it a three-quarter twibt-just so!" When the little man let go of tho log man's nose, the man with tho whito hut on b 'gan to crouch down to get uwuy from ballets, but there was no bhootiug. The big mun turned red then pule then looked the little mun over, and re marked : " Certainly of course that's it ex actly I " And then the conversation turned on the general prosperity of the country. I Freo Press. Frankly Acknowledged. At a recent trial in tho Lenawee county court-room, a young Adrian lawyer was defending a client charged with larceny. A female relative was on tho stand, and, on direct examination, had sworn to a statement directly oppo site to oue sho hud mude to tho young lawyer in his ollice. The youth started in on tho cross-examination with greut vigor and an extended (ore finger. Tbe following was about the way the matter eventuated : Lawyer" I understood you to swear so and so on your direct examination." Witness" Yes, sir." L. "Did you not say to meso-und-bo in my office?" W. " Yes, sir." L. " Well, and now you come upon the stand und swear directly the oppo site?" W. " Yes, sir." L. " Then you must lie in one or the othor statements ? " W. " Yes, sir." L. ' And which is the truth ?" W. Which I have just sworn to." L " It is, eh ? Now, will you tell me why you lied to me ? " W. Oh, you looked like a fellow I could " stuff." We leavo it to some of tho writers of harrowing fiction to deseriba the feel ings of the young limb cf the law. vVe are not equal to that sort of thing. Perhaps the summer is waiting for the sea aide hotels to get roily. Biding 1111 Alligator li .ire-bur'-. A scene took p'aco ut Lake Loch -loova btution on the Peninsular railroud which for genuine excitement and sen sation will completely lay in tho shude tho bi ht Spanish bull fight on record. A patty of men on the wbitrf raw a lurge alligator about a hundred yards out in tho 1 ike gently repo-iiug umid the rip ple thut a pleasant breezn was making. Somo of tho party got into a boat, carrying with them a small harpoon hook, und rowed out to the alligator. When in convenient distance the har poon was thrown aul with nnerriug shot mado its way iuto the beast just behind the right fore leg. No soorer than this was done, and while tho alli gator wus raging in the waters in its most powerful efforts to r)eno itself, one 01 tho party, a Mr. Posey, a man probably fifty years of age, leaped into tho lake, sivaru to tho rearing uud surg ing monster, got upon its back, prsbjed it around tho ne-.-k and rode it to land amid the idiouts of thos" who wero for tunate enough t j -fitness the exciting scene. When measured tho monster was found to be ten feet ami fix itches long. Strang.! to say, after Mr. Posey had bii-.'ked bim and grippled him around the neck the beast win almost entirely subdaed. A few lunges and he quietly followed the tightening cf the rope until he reached the bhore a tamer but greatly confused ttlligutnr. Uis mouth was then muzzled und a rope tiid around his lu'lly, and it was hauled up on the platform ut the depot. When the iifternoon train came along the passengers got out to look at the beust und its valiant captcr, nud then another scene took place quite as excit ing aud extraordinary us the ono in the wuter. Poioy got ou tho 'gator to lide it for the enter. uiiiment of the crowd. ;Vfter much ticklicij and spurring he urotised the animal into such a desper ute struggle for freedom that everybody expected t) see some one literally chewed up nnd swallowed by it. In the melee it suupped tho ropes that were bound around its long aud brutal mouth, and then, making a dash for the gruuud, it was swuug up by the rope, tied by its bedy, un I fastened to upot It soon broke this und Ml heavily to the ground, when it put out for the lake. But it ws seureely landed before Posey was on its back, when :i strit-glo ensued between mun and iiliigat .r that could scarcely have its parallel iu the arena of acrobatic action. The crowd scattered ut this upulling scene, und men there who, if fist-lights with alligators were a feasible and practicable thing, would bo strong enough for the bu.iiuess, exclaimed tin tho world hud not treasure enough to enter such a struggle. Yet, iu u few seconds, Posey was master of tho situa tion, tho saurian was conquered nnd lay us qtietly under the grmp of its conqueror us if, instead of being four hundred pouuds of real live alligator, it wus the most cowardly cur. A shout of uctory went up for Posey, uud par ties went to his assistance, und, again tying und securiug tho animal, the job was completed aud tho hero of the fight offered his prisoner in market for tho trilling sum of ten dollars.- Flori da Eicon. A Tartar's ( ourthip. " What do you pay in yoar country for a wife ? " usked a Tartar of un Eng lishman. " Wo pay nothing. We ask the girl, and if she sujs yes, und her parents dou't refuse, wo marry her.'' " But if the girl does not like yon ? If sho hit you on tho head with her whip, or gallops uwuy when yon ride up to her side?" replied tho Tartar, refer ring to his nation's method of courtship by running after a girl ou horstbick. What do you do iu that case ? " " Why, we do not marry her." " But if yon want to marry her very much ; ii you love her more thuu your best horse, aud all your sheep und cam els put together ? " the Tartar persisted, putting uu extreme cuso for the sake ef the argument. "We cannot marry her without her couseut." "And are the girls moonfaced?" bo continued, setting forth a Tartar's per fection of female beauty. For a few moments lie seemed lost in meditation. Presently, removing bis sheepskin hut, and robbing his shaven head, ho asked, " Will you take me with yon to your country? It would lo so nice. I should get a mocnfueed wife, and all for noth ing. Why, she would not cost so much as a sheep." "But suppose she would not have you ? " "Not have mo I " and the Tartar looked asloni thod. " Not have me ! Well, I should give her a white wrap per, or a ring for her ears or her nose.' "And if she still refused you?" " Why, I should give her a gold or nament for her head, aud what girl e mid resist such a present ? " Virginians flatter themselves tin, tbe color of tho James 1 liver is old gold. Three ;owl llortors. The l;e"l of all tlm pill-hox cre'v, his'-o ( ver tiuiu hi i;;in, Arc the iloi tors who have must to do With th'i health i f a hearty in in. Ami so I count tlx ni np tfitiu. An ; mine them lis 1 run : Thcre'n l,-. I)i't,an l 1 r. ',' li'jt, And I r. Jb riyin ni. Thi re's lir. be t, he trim my toi truo, " I know yon well," sjj l.c, "Your stomach is p i"r, mel your liver U spriiiiR, Wi- must makf your food trre." And Iir. '.iiiiet, he feels my unst. Ami he (,'rav.ly shakes h,s hea l. , .ov, now, ileal4 sir, I 11 u-t iin-ist That you go at ten to he l." lint Ir. M' rryaaan for mr i all the pill-l.ox en: I'or hf Hinilra and says, an he Mm hi fee, " i,.iu;;h on, whatever you do!-' S i now I cat what I otiht to "at, Ami at ti n I t--i, to In. I, And I UiiK'h in the face of fold or heat ; I or tints have tho ilovtors said ! An 1 mj I eotiiit them up a(iiii. An. I praise tie in ai I .-an : Tin re's Ir. Jmi ami )Jr. in t, Ami I r. M'-rn man. ITLMS OF IMTEKEKT. The shells used for cameo catting are mussles. Tho finest are found in trop ii-ul waters. A b'ind Philadelphia begin r is found to have several thousand dollars in a Huviugs ! ink. There is perfect daikce js at tbe North Polo from November thirteenth to Jan uary twenty-ninth, a period of seventy seven days. The builder who helped Lafayette to lay the ccrner-stone of the Bunker Dill monnment, fifty-seven years ago, still works iu Boston. Of late, English pawnbrokers have, in cousequence of the deadly diseases pro pagated by filthy uud infected clothing, insisted ou linen und bedding being freshly washed. In Berlin tho practice is to bave an anulvsis made of the uir in tho cellar before hiriug a house. Tho chemists Miy tint some feurful and wonderful constituents are discovered therein. A fund of moro than .!ll00t) has been raised for tho wido of the l!ev. Dr. Bellows. It was freely given by the uiciiibers of tho church of which Dr. Bellows was for many years the pastor. James and John Troy of Sun Fran cisco were brothers aud closo friends, and when James's wife dreamed that she saw them fighting with knives, they laughed ut her serious view of the mut ter. Two l.ihts later they were carous ing together in n saloon. A quarrel arose, they drew their poeket knives and fought, and James was killed. Male prisoners between thirteen and sixty in English j.iii.-i. if iu sound health, sleei) on a plank on eutcring prison until they have attained two hundred and forty murks, after which they have a mattress five nights in each week till they have earned four hundred and eighty murks, then for six nights till they have earned seven hundred and twenty, and then a mattress every night. Hl.MOItOlS. Shakspeare must have ha 1 in micd the Arctic regions when he wrote "That uncliscovi red eountrv. from whoso bourn. Vi traveler returns." I see by the daily papers that Anna Dickinson has b.-en playing Hamlet. Whut on eurth have I ever done to Miss Dickinson? William Shakspeare. " A Venerable Topic " is tho beading of a coluinu of editorial on the weathor in tbe I'.liuiru Advertiser. Whycouldn't the Advertiser spell it " Vennorable topic" and lo done with it I Perverse : " Women tire so contmry,' said IfliH'i: "I thought when I got married my wifo would darn my socks and let me alone ; instiu 1 of that she lets my socks alone aud darns me." An exchange thinks no shares pay so well us plow-shures. This may lo cor rect, but most people who hold plow si , -ires would lo willing to tinlo them off for bank si tires. " Hie bies are swarming, and there's no eud to them," said farmer Jones, coming into the house. His little boy, George, cume in a second afterwards and said there win an end to one of 'em, and it was red-hot, too. Mark Twain said to a St. Louis inter viewer the other day : "I travel I y water because I don't like the railroad; I wouldn't go to Hi nven br ia;l if the chance wero offered me." l'rolubly Mr. Clemens won't be obliged to go by rail to the celestial hereafter. lie can hang on to UJ Ingersoll's coat tails. Gambi'tta is an old bachelor, and that fact detnnts from his popularity among the middle and lower class in Frauee. Exchange. Some people are always finding fault. Now, there was Brighau Young. He wasn't u bachelor, nad yet theie were people who were always crying out nguinst bim because be wasn't.