North Carolina Newspapers

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i$t$ Ojjhalham Record.
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H. A. LONDON, Jr ,
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PITTSBORO', CHATHAM CO., N. C, SEPTEMBER 14, 1882.
NO.
' S 1 II XVI II
rorron ANnrnorBiKTOR. I H II J I
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION: j )
Twi Women.
A grandma situ iu Lor great arm-chair
Balm; sweet ia ilm aof spring air.
Through the luttVo I, lilac-shadowed pano
She looks to the eietvrd beyond the lane j
Anil fihr catch' h Hi" Kleam nfa woman's dress.
An it flutters aboi.t in the wind's ciross.
"That child in (.'lad aH the day is long -Tier
lovcr'B coming, her lilo'a a song !"
TJp from tho orchard' flowery lilonni
Floats fragrauco lain) to tlm darkening room
Yhcre prandma dreams, till a tender grace
Aud a Bolter light eteil into her face.
Tor once nRiiin she in young ami fair,
Ami twining rosea in her li:ur.
Once, again, blitho aa tlm lark above,
Hlio it only a girl, and a girl in love :
The yearn drop firm her their weary pain j
Kho ia clasped in hur lo vol's arinagaiii !
The lt faint glimmers of daylight die ;
Stars tremble out of tho purple sky,
Kro Pora flits up the garden path,
Badly afraid of grandma's wrath.
With roue-red cheeka and (lying hair
Klie nestle down in her old arm-chair.
firandma, Pick says, may we -may I -"
The faltering voice grows strangely shy.
But grandma presses tho Utile hand :
"Yen, my dearie, I understand ;
"He may have yon, darling !" Not all in vain
Did grandma dream she was young again !
She gently twists a shining curl :
"Ah, me ' the philosophy of a girl !
"Take the world's treasures --its noblest, hert--And
love will outweigh all tho rest !"
Aii'J through the caeemeut the moonlight cold
S'reams on two heads one gray, one gold.
MANAGING A HUSBAND.
"Tine, Major Flint is a wealthy man,
and goenl-looking, witbal, bat if you
in my hiai Le will make ; on his slave
tjke my word for it, Miss Atherton."
"Dj you thick eo?" taid the lady ad
dressed, quietly, looking up from her
embroidery.
' Think m? I know it. Yon ciunot
have forgotten how his first wife fared.
So gentle and lovely, too, as i-he was,
yet the poor women nover dared ray
her soul was her own nevor! If she
had had a different husband, she would
undoubtedly have been alive to-day."
"Very likoly, Mrs. May."
"And yet, knowing all this, you are
going to take her place."
"Major Flint will t'nd mo a Tory dif
ferent person from his thai wife," said
Miss Atherton, composedly. "How
ever, as I do not with to anticipate sor
row, we will, if you t lease, dismiss the
subject."
This was not the firot remonstrance
Miss Atherton had received on the sub
ject of her approaching marriage, bnt
she had made up her miud, it appeared,
and was now occupied in making prep
arations for the wedding.
What had boon said respecting Major
Flint and his first wife was unquestion
ably true. He was a domestic, tyrant,
and holding the female nnderstanding
iu very slfght esteem, considered that
the wife ought, in all respects, to bo
subservient to tho husband's will.
His reason for marrying again was
principally from the fact that he found
no housekeeper who would bo suffi
ciently subservient to his whims and
caprices. Having lost one after another,
he came to the conclusion that he need
ed a wife, and soon resolved to tender
his hand to Grace Atherton, who had
lie en a warm personal friend of his lost
wifo. Wo will not analyze her motives
for accepting his proposal, though
probably a regatd for Mr. Flint's two
helpless little children, who resembled
their mother rnther than their father,
influenced her as much as any other
motive. However tint might be, the
marriage socn took place, and after a
brief journey Miss Atherton roturned
as Mrs. Majir Flint, to take tho place
of mm tress of tho household.
" Heretofore, Major Flint had forborne
to "show his hand." Now, however,
that their married life had fairly begun,
he thought it quite time to do so.
"I have given Mrs. Burns a week's
warning," he remarked at the breakfast
table, the mornicg after their return.
Mrs. Barns had been housekeoper
and maid-ot-all work, the entire duties
of the household devolving upon her.
"And why have you Riven her a
week's warning?" said the lady, com
posedly. "Are you not satisfied with
herr
"It in not that, madam," said the
major, deliberately.
"Any difficulty about wages?" asked
his wife, unconcernedly.
"No," said her husband, feeling some
what embarrassed.' The fact is, Mrs.
Flint, there is not very much work to
do in our small household, at least no
more than ono pair of hands can easily
do. My first wife always did her own
work, and with ease, though she was
not a very strong women."
"Did she not die very young?'' said
wife cumber two, sipping her coffee
composedly.
."Why, jes," said the obtase Mr.
Flint, little diioonoerted. You know
the young die as well as the aged."
So I have heard," returned his
wife.
Major Flint was great deal puzzled
by the matter of fact manner f his
new wife. Her cool st If-possession
awed him in rpito of himself. If she
bad stormed, be would have felt bettei
prepared to meet the emergenoy.
"I shall permit my children to re
main where they are at my mother's
until you get accustomed to the house
a little. In tho course of the week,"
he added, "you will get an idea of the
extent of tho work by observing Mrs.
Burns."
Rising from the table, he wbb about
to leave tho room when hi-i footsteps
wsro arrested by tho simple address :
'Major Flint I"
" Well ?'' said ho.
" It appears that you have been
making arrangements without consult
in me."
Major Flint wax astonished.
" You, madam 1 Why should I consult
yon about my arrangements ?"
' Bticauso I may not approve of
them."
" Mrs. Flint," f aid tho major, " it is
your duty to acquiesce in whatever
plans I, os your husband, may see fit to
form."
' Indoed, I never took that view of
the matter," said Mrs. Flint.
"Then the sooner you take it tho
b3tter," was his reply.
" Dj yon ripeot me to perform
all the labor required in this establish
ment?' " Exact y so, madam."
" I believe you are considered a rich
man, Major Flint?"
" I am accounted eo, madam," he
replied, complacently.
" And you ore quite ablo to hire do
mestic service, are you not?"
" Yes, if it were needf nl."
"Suppose I say that it is need
ful?"" " I should tako the liberty to doubt
it, madam," he replied.
' Very well, Mr. Flint ; since you
force it upon mo, I may as well tall you
first as last my decision upon this
point. You offered me the position of
wife, not that of maid-servant. On
this understanding I accepted yon.
Yet, if your circumstances ever become
such as to require it, I shall not hesi
tate a moment to conform myself to
them. I only object to assuming a
burden which, from your own account,
appears to bo quite needless. I am
very willing to superintend the house
hold arrangements, as I consider that a
duty which devolves upon me as your
wife."
" I have listened to your arguments,
Mrs. Flint, and they are weak. They
do not weigh with me, madam."
" It is to be regretted."
" The first Mrs. Flint better rnder-i-tood
her duties as a wife," ho returned,
excitedly ; but it is quite useless to dis
cuss tho point with yon, madam. How
ever, this day weok Mrs. Burns leaves
us, and I expect you to assume her
duties."
Mrs. Flint bmiled. Major Flint
frowned; then, taking his hat and cane,
he excitedly went from the room.
" There's nothing liko beginning
right," he aid mentally, planting bis
cane firmly down upon the pavement.
" If Mrs. Flint married me with the
idea of squandering my money in silks,
furbelows and things, she'll find it
difficult in my establishment. I don't
intend to encourage female insubordin
ation. I believe the husband was bom
to govern tho wife to obey. If more
husbands had my firmneis, my tact in
govorning, things would be different at
tho present day."
Mrs. Flint, left at home, summoned
the housekeeper.
"I learn that my husband has given
you a week's warning," she said.
"Yes, ma'am."
"Is it your wish to leave us?"
"Oh, no, Mrs. Flint, for I don't know
where I could find another place, and I
have to pay my little girl's board! out of
my wages."
"I believe there ia considerable work
to be done here ?"
"Yes, Mrs. Flint, a great deal. Then
Mr. Flint, is so peculiar he wants
everthing just bo. Aud that's why I'm
sorry to go just as you come ; I know
you are easy to please."
"How do you know that V
"By your faoe it looks so good
natured. Major Flint says, ma'am,"
she continued hesitatin gly, "that I am
to show you some about the work. But
if you try to do it alone, unused to hard
work as you are, it will make you
sick."
"I think very likely it would, Mrs.
Burns. But I have not the slightest
idea of doing the work. At all events,
you must not secure another situation
until you hear from me again. I am
very confident," she added, smiling,
"that if Mr. Flint sends you away,
Mrs. Burns, he will be glad to take you
back."
The week passed quickly.
"Mrs. Burns leaves to-morrow," said
the major, at the tea-table.
' Then you have decided upon it ?"
"Yes ; I believe I announced the fact
to you some days ago."
"I thought it possible that my ob
jections might have weighed with you
and induced you to change yur
mind."
"I never change my m:nd," raid her
husband, loftily.
"Bnt I warn yon thr.t I have little
experience as a cook."
"Yon can learn."
"Perhaps I may not cook to suit yonr
taste," she persisted.
"That is my affair."
Had he been aware of the plot form
ing in the lady's fertile brain, he might
not have felt so confident iu regard to
the quality of bin bread and butter ;
and he retired for the night all uncon
scious of the discipline to be meted out
to him.
Ho the following morning Mr.!. Burns
received her wages and was seut off. At
ten o'clock the marketing was brought
home. At the usual dinner hour Major
Flint made his appearance. The table
was laid with more than its usual neat
ness. Major Flint congratulated him
self upon this fact as a personal triumph
on his part. But he hardly felt so com
placent when the dinner came up. The
beef was terribly overdone; the vege
tables, on the contrary, wore not half
cooked. In short, there was notninar
fit to eat on tho table. This Major
Flint rather angrily remarked.
"I dare say ; I am not a very good
cook," said his wife.
Witn his appetite only half-satisfied,
he arose from the table.
The following morning, breakfast
was delayed more than half an hour ;
and wnen it was ready, it was scarcely
eatable. Major Flint was quite out of
humor; but in reply to his remonstrances
his wife said,
"I woroed you that I might not ciok
to suit your tiste."
And so matters deteriorated rather
than improved. The tea and coffee
prepared by his wife were nauseating to
him, while the bread was not only sour,
but hard and clammy, requiring con
siderable effort to masticate it. And
what rendered it all the more (xasperat
ing was that, no matter how inferior in
quality or distasteful to himself, his
wife professed her inability to discover
any fault in what was proparod for the
table, protesting that it just suited her
taste.
The following day Major Flint seated
himsoif at the dinner table, his mind
filled with various emotions. Ho wus
growing thin, he felt sure; not a decent
meal had ho eaten for three days.
"This woman will be the death of me,
as sure as fate I" he said to himself, gaz
ing at the food placed before him.
Here was the rich, juicy steak that he
h'Qiselt selected and sent from the
market, after all his instructions as to
how it should be broiled, shockingly
overdone in faot, almost burned to a
crisp, his wife, meantime, partaking of
it with gret apparent relish.
' 'What a taste that woman must have 1''
he raid to himself.
"I have made you an extra cup of tea,
to-day," said the lady opposite, hand
ing him the cup with his dessert.
Hitherto Mr. Flint had been very
particular in regard to his cup of tea at
dessert, insisting that it should be
brought to the table both strong and
hot. Had the tea been prepared to his
taste, it would have soothed somewhat
the riotous emotions withiu; on the con
trary, it was miserably weak, quite luke
warm and brackish. He took one bip
at the tea, and then set the cut down
foroibly on the table, his face expressing
his disgust.
Madam glanced up at him from under
her long eyelashes, sipping from her
cup industriously, that her facial
muscles might not betray the amuse
ment she felt
"I knew you would think the tea ex
cellent," she said.
This was too much. His rage and
disgust fairly boilod over.
"Tea, madam, tea I" he roared. "You
call such abominable staff tea, do you ?
Excellent, is it 1 Exoullent I"
"It is excellent," said madam, sweetly,
taking him at his word and ignoring the
exclamation points entirely, "Mamma
taught me to make tea when "
Major Flint had stood fire for three
whole days, but flesh and blood could
endure it no longer. Not waiting to
hear more, he bounded to his feet and
rushed into the hall. Here he seized his
hat in both bands, jammed it down over
his eyes, and started for the street.
Then, as if forgetful of something, he
retraced his steps, and, thrusting his
head in at the open floor, he shouted,
"Can you tell me where Mrs. Burns
went when she left here?"
"I think," said madam, deliberately,
"if my memory serves me rightly, I
heard her speak of stopping with her
little girl at Mrs. Marsh's till ehe secur
ed a situation."
The major departed.
"I thought the tea would finish him,"
aid Mrs. Flint, amusedly, watching
from the window her husband's retreat
ing figure, the click of his boot-heels
Tinging like a bell as he brought his
feet down vigorously on the pavement,
the small boys eeing him askance and
hastening out of his way, wondering if
he was racing for a waor.
It is, perhaps, needless to say that
before evening close 1 Mrs. Burns was
again installed at the Flint mansion.
"It is useless," said the major, mourn
fully, thai evotiiop, in the solitude of
bis apartment; "I mihtas well attempt
to move the huge boulders on yonder
mountain top as to contend with that
womuu, wife nnmhur two I '
And ho never did. For wheiiover his
wife nppi'ulud t j him iu regard to the
children or iho domes tio nrrangt tneute,
he. would answer, i i the meekest man
ner, "My dear, do o ynu think best."
And Mrs, Flint owed her hucons to
the fact that she never trenched upon
her husbind's real prerogative but
respected them as she claimed respeot
for her owu.
A'ld that i'i how she managed liim.
'I lie I'liyslenl Element.
So great, a man as Combe, in his
physiology, clainiB a large importance
for the body as regards its influence
upon the soul. At, present, a great in
terest is felt in tho cultivation aud de
velopment of nerve, mu-clo nnd brain
in the direction of health, and also as
tending to greater efficiency in bnsiness
and eprchl culture. Nothing, therefore,
iu the way of information upon these
varied t -pics comes amiss, provided it
in in the way of fact and experience
Even theories, such ns result from long
observation, aro extremely valuable as
data to which one can affix whatever
facts come henceforward uuiler his
noticous illuutratiug, confirming or re
futing them.
Eminent among these are the wjll
known principles of a raosterin physicol
science, Mich as that no two animals or
plants in nature aro identical in all
respects; that the offspring tend to in
herit the peculiarities of thoir parents,
that of those which come into existence,
only a small number reach maturity.
Anthropology, or the science of human
life, is bu-iy in condensing statistics to
such a form as to be easily grasped by a
learner. We are informed that race
differences aro most clearly found in
stature, proportions of limbs, conforma
tion of the skull aud the brain within,
character of features, tkin, eyes and
hair, peculiarities of constitution, and
mental and moial developments. So
that tho vexed question of family and
race origin is in a fair way of being put
to a new test by recent statistics, which
aro gathering in number and intensity
with every set of now observations of
men.
As to the annual death rate, that in
the United Kingdom is one in forty
live. In the city of l'rovidonce, It I.,
it is ono ?'n fifty. Five feet and eight
inches is the stature ef the typical man,
nnd one-sixteenth less of woman, in any
race. The average I'atagoniun is an
inch less than six feet in height, the
Bushman in South Africa just four feet
and a half.
It is said that a celebrated and hu
morous physicinn serm nizos the means
of reaching a great age as follows:
Avoid excesses in everything; respect
old habitc, even bad one; breathe a
pure air; adnpt yonr food to your tem
perament; shun medicines and doctors;
keep a quiet couscienco, a ny he art and
contented mind.
Thero is much sense in these sugges
tions, which are ufo to follow in the
main, if we can believe the doctor to
be as ingenious as he is quaint,
fWaverly Magazine
Lnileed in a Bath.
A newly-married pair, who arrived
on their honeymoon trip at a cele
brated Scotch watering-place at a time
when accommodation was at a pre
mium, Lad a mattress spread for them
by a compassionate innkeeper in one of
bis baths. In the middle of the night
the house was alarmed by loud shrieks
proceeding from the nuptial chamber.
What was the matter? Well, this.
The young bride, wishing to ring for a
maid, had caught hold of what she
presumed to be the boll rope, and
pulled it smartly. Unhappily for her
and her spouse, it was the cord of the
shower-bath over their heads, and
forthwith down plumped suoh a deluge
of cold water as would throw a damper
upon the most devoted of honey
mooning couples. Her husband, in
dismay, caught frantically at another
cord on his side of the extemporized
couch, bnt the only response was an
equally liberal deluge of water, this
time nearly boiling hot. The unhappy
pair then screamed in unison, and the
bride, in the excitement of the mom
ent, uttered sentiments anything but
complimentary to her fond husband.
When tho servants came, they were
juet in time to rescue the unlucky pair
from drowning, for the room was
already half full of water, and the wife
was perched like a monkey on her
husband's back uttering the most
lamentable cries, while her good man
was fumbling about in thj dark, trying
his best to find the door.
FASHION NO IKS.
Fompivlour lace is the latest.
A velvet season ia predicted for the
coming winter.
Small birds will be much need in
millinery next sen son.
Electric blue, hussar-bluo and mnss
greens are on the otrds for the fall.
Tho favorite Pari-din contrast in
summer toilets is lavender or deeper
violet with ficelle luce of the purest
Haxon gray.
The newest trimming ri'jinns uro the
ottoman reps of thick yet soft quality,
in width varying from two inches to
five or six.
For railways and tteanilx. ats useful
loose ulsters of India silk are exten
sively used by ladies abroad. They slip
on arid off easily, arc inexpensive aud
very light.
The most u-efnl traveling gloves are
not tho Gants d Suede, which soil
directly, but thick ordinary ki I of the
natural ecru color, without buttons, but
of six button longtb, brought outside
the sleeve.
Small falling ornaments of bluck or
colored beads are much ncd for dress
trimmings. They serve for such pur
poses as to adorn tho inside of hvillow
plaits and for tho centre of small
rosettes.
Redingotes ate in very general do
mand. They are not very much like
the former polonaise, bat as they aro of
all kinds of fancy fabrics they havo a
very different aspect. A great number
wore seen at tho Parisian races.
Kan Si was tho first lady who carried
a fan. Sho lived in ages which are past
and for the most part forgotten, and
she was the daughter of a Chinese
mandarin. Who ever saw a man
darin, even on a Un chest, without his
fan?
The English shoo, laced over the
instep, now often takes tho place of the
summer boot. The Moliero shoe, with
strap and button, is m re dro-sy,
and looks well with the dainty stock
ing, which now forms an important
feature of the toilet.
Abroad the bonnet most worn by
married ladies is the Yankee, with shir
rings of light surnh and a very thick
wreath cf Bowers round th crowu. it
is made of several sfzs, and either a
semi-conical or rounded crcwu, while
the border is more or leas wide.
Sleeves, to be pretty, should be
short and tight. The tailleur-shapcd
waist worn with plain lingerie is the
only stylo admitting a lather long
sleeve. Tho arm size must be cut with
great caro, as it should set well over tho
shoulder, and not fall upon the upper
part of the arm.
Mercedes muslin is a new Que sheer
wool fabric as thin as nuus' veiling, yet
with figures like those of ficelle lace
and Irish embroiderv. It comes in the
natural flr.x-color of ficelle, and is made
up over pale blue, dark blue or pii.k
satin. The trimming is ficelle lace laid
over pleatings of the satin
Young girls frequently wear, to com
plete a drossy toilet, tho bodice of
which is plain, pretty rounded fichus,
or large collar of mm lin or cambric,
with two, three or four rows of white
lace. These fichus are often made
with two lapels, which are overlapped
and fastened with one or two sprays of
dowers.
Hiineti lilies In Greece.
P'. Schliemann is carrying on new
excavations at Hissarlik, with the as
sistance of two eminent German archi
tects. No fewer thau ono hundred and
fifty workmen are daily employed in
laying bare the foundation of the an
cient cities. Two perfectly distinct
cities have lately been discovered in the
burnt f-tratum, the lowtr one resting
on the large walls which havo hitherto
by mistake been attributed to the sec
ond city. Hi snarl ik now turns out to
have been the Acropolis of this lon-er
burnt city, this being proved by the
walls and the pottery, as well as by two
vast brick buildings, ono of them forty
three feet broad by one hundred feet
long, the other twenty-three feet bread
by less than one hundred feet long.
These buildings seem to havo been
temples, a separate gateway, flanked by
enormous towers, leading up to them.
There are, besides, three or four large
buildings, apparently dwelling houses,
but no smaller buildings. The city
walls now stand out very imposing.
They rest on a substructure of large
blocks, thirty-three feet high, after
wards kuperseded by groat brick walls.
All the treasures formerly found by
Dr. Schliemann are now ascribed to the
first burnt city. Dr. Schliemann has
found in the temples copper nails of a
very peculiar shape, weighing from
1,000 to l.l'.H) grammes. The second
burnt city, being the third city from the
rock, and hitherto identified with the
Homeric Troy, turns out to have had
but vtry small houses and no lower
town at all. Dr. Schliemann will con
tinue bis excavations till the beginning
of August.
Iho did llii'l Fence.
The placing of barbel wira fences
nrouud fiir.'v.s, ni-nrping the place of the
old rail fence, destroys half of the
pleasure of farming. There is some
thing hhont the old rail fence that is
real comfortable, mid the barbed wire
fence is forbidding, cold, repulsive.
Until you coroo to think of it, there
does not seem as t'-ough there was a
great deal of solid cnufort in a rail
fence, but there is. I) d you ever see
two old farmers l nnitif; uvainst ii rail
fence, whittling mi l talking politics or
u horse trade foi ho'ir togo'.hn? They
art more comfortable, and rest more
thnu tin y would if they were occupying
tie soften i-ofrt or the best stuffed arm
chuir in the world. There are so many
shapes a mini can get into to rest about
a rail fence. First the faru er will fold
his anus and rest them on the top rail
aud lean his breast on the ftnea and
talk fer half uu Ik tir, until his legs are
tired, then he will step one fo-.t up cn
thehecond rail from the bottom, and
stand and whittle for half uu hour until
the top of the ra'l is as polished as h
piece (f mahogany. Then ho will
change feet ai.d lean or.o elbow on the
secoi'd rail from the top, and sharpen
his knife on his boot and talk for half
an hour a'lout how he is going to pay
tho mortgage on hi fatra next year.
After f iat prviu'on becomes irksome he
will turn his buck to the fence staud on
his heeN, ond place, his two elbows on
tho top rail, and lean against the fence,
aud for half nn hour he will tell about
bow the old n.arj that he is trying to
trude off cleaned out all the teams on
the road coming back from tho celebra
tion at town, after tho fireworks on the
Fourth, aud how if ho wasn't fixed just
as he is, uud wanted tho twenty dollars
boot money to send Natl.au off to the
select school, there is no man on earth
can buy that mare. Then ho will get
tired and stand around sideways, put
his left arm up on the fence, and begin
to whittle again, and swear tho man
who runs tho (heese factory down ut
the corner is skinning us farmers out of
our eye teeth. Without foing into de
tails as to ninety niiiu other combina
tions by which a farmer cau re st on,
abont or agaiust a mil fence, it may
not bo out of place to speak of sitting
on top oiafi u e. The fat mors, utte r
trying several petitions, will instinctive
ly e limb up the fei.ee and ret on tho
top rail, their feet resting e n the third
rail from the top, which is ulnars laid
with projection enough to make good
footing, and uu hour will puss as the
fellows talk of the times when they set
tled iu tbo eeniritry. and of tho hard
ships they have endured, und liow the
children have grown up and gone away,
ami the conversation will dii!t into it
slee py channel, and tho sun will begin
to sink iu tho west, aud the horny
handed sons of toil will sudde-nly re
member that the chores are to be done,
aud with a 'goodnight, Lige," and
"Drop around ugin tomorrow, Ike,"
they will separate', und ono will tako a
milk-pail and a ouo l gged stool and go
towards the lot where the cows have
come home, while the other will Re-,
across the road to his barn nud throw
dowu some hay for the horses, and they
will both go to bed at eight ei'elock as
tired as though they bad been mowing.
But they had a splendid easy visit on
the tld ta'l foiteii.
( ati liiiii,' n Crah.
They tollu story of a would-be funny
Han Franbiseo broker, who last, season
adopted a most fiendish method of Ret
ting even with one of ihe chronic flirts
who are said to ruukn tho piazzas lively.
He obtained hulfad'Z'U energetic
crabs from the fishing beach, and,
watching for an opportunity when no
one was in a particular tauk exoe'pt the
inceinsistcnt fair object of his venge
ance, he elropped in the crustaceans
(way up term for crabs). The young
lady continued her natatorial exerciser
H few mitiutrs longer, when she sudden
ly uttered a blood-curdling i-brick, and
was helped np the Udder with a cia!
hanging en her pink little toe. She
had sevi'tul count rut ive epileptic tits
while the marine corn etoe'or was being
removed. The Mopiiistophelian glee
of the broker, however, gave hira away,
and, f'.T fe ar ef some countertrick, he
decided to bathe early in tho morning
tbereafler. A few days after that the
bath-house keeper was startled by some
terrific yells, and, hastily entering tho
tank-house, he behold the broker rlonn
tiering out with a big, jagged-tooth,
spring rat-trap clenched on his heel.
"Who put this horrible thing in the
water?" roareel the broker.
"I did, tir" ewee'tly replied the crab
bed young lady afore-mentioned, step
ping out of a bath room. ' I put it
there to catch those horrid crabs, yon
know."
Tho broker went homo on a crutch.
A little chil l in Troy was poisoned
by touching its lips to the color?el covers
of a book with which it was amusing it
self. Tho coloring matter contained
arsenic, and curious enough the book
was a copy of tho report of the Society
for the Prevent ion of Cruel ty to Children .
To a Deail Humble Iter.
Ii liumhlo hoe that all day Iodr
Hast hummed thy note the dells among,
Whence came the pang that laid thee Ion,
Just as the summer 'gun to glow?
No more on hiiinuiini; uniiua homo
Shalt thou thv course pursue
To whom the roses blush at morn,
Iletieniineil with crystal elow.
Fur Hire nn more the verdant field
.Shall spread its veil of tinn ers.
And to thy prohei sweet hum y yield
Iu Hummer's i-iinuy hums.
'J'li'iii minded me of Inippv days
In scih uf vernal hlnnni,
When I have reamed in rural ways,
And heaid the wild heea hum.
Anions the wild fl.iwers that adorn
The dirndl' and tho lira",
Hum'st winded oft thy drowsy horn
t"! on the devious way.
A won Irons insect Kiinh d thee
In inanv a Icmttliv flight
To sweet-briar banli and llowery treo
I'miii morn till dewy night.
Wln-ii fate dissolve s the Blonder tie
That binds I he world to me,
Then at my daily task I'd die,
Like tin e, sweet liumhlo bee.
l.'eii noxious lieibs evin sweetness yield,
As well as tlow wo prize j
So, 'mid the ills of lite conei aled,
Are bles-ings in disguise.
VAKIKIIES.
An ink well has been discovered in
Georgia. It should be a popular resort
for writers.
Married for Life" is the title of a
uove l by a Chicago author, which is an
entirely new idea in Illinois.
When might a railroad engine ard a
detective be said to resemble eachothe-i?
When they both are on the track.
When a selfish man marries n woman
who weighs fifty pounds n ore than he
does, he gets the biggest half, us usual.
S'.oves are&npposeel to be a somewhat
modern invention, but the Egyptians
were warmed by Alexander the grate B.
C. 300.
What is it to bo a man? Well, it is a
good deal like work to be a mat), and
that is the chief reason why men, real
men, ure so few.
Next wo shall have a coat-tail flirta
tion code. Having tho tails covered
with mud will menu "I don't like her
father."
An Iowa paper says that if beer is not
intoxicating the re is no use drinking it.
One might as well waste time drinking
water.
"l)jes mooulighl soothe?" asks tho
New York Herald. If she doesn't pare
goric will, and ten cents buys a heap of
it this year.
A Nebraska paper says that every
mau out that way who isn't called
"Judges'' can be adelro-sed les ' Frofes
8'r" and ueit hint his feelings a bit.
Lucy Hooper says tint a Freuchm. n
delights to pound a horfe, caress a dog,
uud be polito to female On the whole
she prefers Americans.
The Bottou Post wants some genius
to inveut a ccut-tail flirtation. Just
watch a tramp getting away from a dog
tend you'll see something very like one.
The Rev. Jasper, of Virginia, says
that education in the ca-o of colored
poopk means tiaviltry. He can't seo
how education helps tho whitewashing
business auy.
A surgeon in Londou offers to teach
any woman to blush beautifully and
naturally iu three lessons. We need
me thousand such teachers in this
country right away.
An Ohio farmer who has barbed wire
fences all through his farm says that he
kets one-fourth uior work out of his
hired man than ho used t.i when ho
furnished a top ruil to sit on.
A negro congregation at Austin,
Texas, thought their pastor had their
ctilor in minel when ho frequently spoko
of "the powers of darkness," anil re
quested him to stop such talk or resign.
"There Ain't Any .Money Info It.''
The World's Journal says: A liltle
boy, on his way to build fires anel
sweep offices in Boston, whilo the
stars were yet in the skiei, tolel tho
writer :
" My mother gets mo up, builds the
fire, and gets my breakfast and sends
mo off. Then she gets my father up,
and gets his breakfast and senels him
off. Then she gives the other children
thoir breakfast, and sends them to
school, and then she and the baby have
their breakfast."
" How old is tho baby ?" I asked.
' Oh, she is 'most two, but she can
talk and walk as well as any of us."
" Are you well paid ?'
"I get two dollars a week, and my
father gets two dollars a day."
" now much does your mother
get?"
With a bewilJered look, he said :
" Mother ? Why, she don't work for
anybody."
" I thought you said she worked for
all of you ?"
" Oh, yes for ns she does; but there
ain't any money into it."
This wifo of a day laborer repre
sents a large j ortion of hard working
women.
    

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