Newspapers / The Chatham Record (Pittsboro, … / June 7, 1888, edition 1 / Page 1
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: i 'mac '"V -iiic ,. s. ljr Cljatljciut Hccorb. II. V. LONTON, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION, Chatham Eecorb RATES inimi OF - 8 Ay u AyAy Ay ADVERTISING One square, one insertion- fl.Ot; One square, two insertions - - 1.50 One square, one month - 259 For larger advertisements liberal con tracts will be made. ONE DOLLAR PER YEAR Strictly in Advance. vol. x. PITTSBORO', CHATHAM CO., N. C, JUNE 7, 1888. NO. 40. 11 Hope. wv t iiKH-Uin maid, sho wakes and smiles Wln'ii wiivlsnro hushed and skies serencr; Til,' air rvs sjfc iKjacith her tread, .ti.l wli 'iv lwr radiant Icoks are shed The leaves are greener. s o a tan' lo f bright hair, A r"'.m l while arm extended; W ati'ii the fragrance, faintly sweet, if i iv- zy robes about her feet, With nses blended. -r her vagrant fancy leads lollow gladly after; n t clasp her wayward charms A's from our embracing arms w r:i ' W.ta airy laughter. SUo vci'V'H a rainbow in the air, Vi,! w'.iilo we gaze, delighted, Sill' And the fabric into threds uters far the floating thread No more united. - 1jo turns away her voilod face, In Mr Men mood capricious; Hut v. lii'e wo mourn the dismal shroud, Prink forth, like sunlight from a clud, Her smita delicious. !ie plays a thousand teasing tricks; Fill I fain wo are to fl ut her; Vet, sj!te of all, our hearts coness Life had not half its loveliness Were we without her. Harper's Young Feeplo. AN OLD-TIME GIEL. 'So it seems Fred Hayes his finally jiltc I Fannie Howe," said Grandpa WeM. one rainy moraine. s.3 ho stood ihnki off his drops from his great coat o i our kitchen stove. "Ye," replied I, a? I fi led a pin with apples and prepared to cut them, "aid more shame to him, too. Brought her elcartoaa engagement, and then left '.own with another girl, and without 3no word to Fan." S' a-tic!"' repeated pood Grandpa West, with aa indignant fl ish from eyes 'oluo and clear as at 21; "it's a disgrace to any Christian church to let ono of its members go on so. Time was when he wouldn't have gone scot free, as ho has now." 4 But what couli have bocndonc?" I inquired. 'Dane? He'd havo ha I the ..full broadsilcof church discipline on hii ihoulicrs fifty ycirs ago. He ouht to bo dealt with as Harmon Page was," concluled grandpa, meditatively. "How was that?" i::quiroJ I, inter red at onco. 'I wonder if you've nevar hoard that t-ry!" said he, with a curioui glance 1 rider tood better afterward. 4 'See acre; it's a rainy day, and mother won't jo expecting mo home. Iliud over a knife, aud I'll help ycu with your ap ple? and tell that yarn at the same time." Well pleased with the plan, I took mother pan, and our fingers flaw .as jrandpa went on with the truo and au .hectic history of Harmon Page. 'You see," ha began, "all this hap pened fifty years ago, and Amityvihe wasn't then the slow going, dull little place it is now. It was comparatively Jew, nnd was as lively and enterprising as the new places of the west are todiy. fhcro are a good many old arito rctic families, thouga, . and I teli you they held their heads high. The very mectin' house slips . had to bo gauged accordia' to tho rank of the buyer, aai I tell you old Dccoa Avery would never have got the scowl out of his forrard if 'Squi.e Page had hap pened to have a scat in front of his. "Dca. Avery had a daughter, a quiet, gcntlo git.1, with a slight, graceful fig ure, and a face well, yon don't see such faces now'days a cle-.;r, fine com plexion, with adelicato pink trembling up to her lips when sho was spoken to. II. t eyes were great limpid wells, changing with every thought, and litr hair was a soft chestnut brown, waving about her.'facj in its owj wayward stylo. "She was a lovo'.y girl, became a pro fessor young, and was always to be seen in the cad of tho deacon's pew every Smdry, raia or shine. She never had much company, for there wis a kind of minified rcseivo abcut her that kept tho follow at a distance. But when Fho was ong 'boat 18 or 20 H irmon P-tgc began to go with her. , ;v "lie was a haadootne, high -spirited i hap, lively and full of talk, and as lilf rjnt from Mercy Avery ai two jeisoas well could be. But they lov.d ich other; there's no dcu'-jt abou' th t. Miny'd tlu time I ve son her gra-.d ye3 sparkle an I -pretty chioks fi ih at ll innou's witty s; ccth-.'s, till she was ici'.ly bril.itat. A d he, with his rou 1 spiit hhv ryj grew strnnjcly ni I with M-rey. t ' So in spite i f the rivalry that had ahv iy ( xhted between tho two fnmi iics, no cnb would have disturbed the two h:i I it not been for Virginii Wake. S'-'C w s a coudn of C l. Ford's first wife, and c;:nie there vhiting frcm !t).-ton. "fir.dnia wis called a handsome girl," vith her bruaetto fac?, fishing black eyes, and ho ivy black curls sho wis 't;-vcr tired of jingling aru..d her neclc. iii had a good deal, too, of what you cid 'stylo,' and AraityviUo folks who didn't know a much of the ways of the world os they do now wero completely fa cinatcd with her t .king ways. The young follows ia particular hovered arouad Hjr like moths around a candle. 4A1. except Harmon Page. Hj had engaged himself to Mercy, and at first gave the new-comer the go by. Tho Pagc3 and " Fords had a lam.iy ieua oi a gooa many years stindias. which kent them anart for one thing, and' Virginia had plenty of company besides Harmon. But I suppose Harmon's indiffer ence piqued the girl, and sho snubbed the other boys and exerted all her charms on Hirmon. . 4,S'ae cime ia the fall, and along about Christmas time tho neighbors began to notico that Virginia was mighty thick at the Pages'. 4 'The two homes were pretty near to gether, and sha used to rua .over to Mother Pago's oa some excuse or other, twenty tim.s a day. Perhaps 'twa'nt strange that Harmon began to be flittered by it. Ho had as good a turno ;t as any chap in the place, and ho got ia the habit of taking Virginia considerable. 44You see, position's everything ia more cases than one, and Virginia was right there handy, while Mercy lived at the top of one of our old-fashioned Coa- nccticut hills, with a dreadful hard road leading to it. 'Whether she knew how much Har mon was taking thi othvr girl wasn't known; some thought not. She didn't get out mic'i, except to mectin, thit winter, and she had enough of her father's spunk about hor not to let on that she saw Ha moa fcolii' with Vir ginia Wake at tho noonia's. "There was splendid sleighing that season the kin I wo don't havo these days nnd scmn of the young folks wanted to havo a general sleigh ride. It was put eff from timo to time, till 'twas finally set for ono Thursday tight. 4 'It wa3 the night of the regular week prayer meeting, and after the time of the rido was all settled II irmon, who w.is the only pnrc?sor ia the party, tried a little to have it changed. But Virginia Wako declared, with a wicked shako of tho3C jiigling iurl, that sho could say her prayers -iust as well in a ilei"h as she could cooped un in that stupid barn of a meetitig-hou c. 4,E very body thought afterward she fix.d tho ride for that ni"ht to show Mercy Avery tho power she had over H irmon Page. "Wcl1, the party started from Amity villo 'long about 5 o'clock. They wero all in a big two-horse load, except Vir ginia and Harmon. "She had arranged for them to go ahead inTin cutter alone, and I'll admit they wcrj a sp'ondi t looking couple---he, with his fine eyes and teeth, and she, in a rich crimsoi hoo.i that set off her dark beauty to perfection. "O ;r route---for I was or.e of the party lay straight up the hill toward Deacon Avery's. Just as wo turned into it who should wc m.'et but the deaon and Mercy. "They were late, f r tho meeting was alus appointed for early candle light ing; but M. rcy ha I -probably waited awhile for Harmon, who, for a year bade, hid taken her to Thurs day mectin' as regular as tho day come round. "She sat up straight andquecnly, be side her father, as they passed, and seemed not lo hear the malicious sally Virginia called cut to her. . "Wc. in the back team, were near enough to catch the scornful glanco sho throw from those deep eyes, gray as steel that night. ' . 4lAs for Harmon, he turned white to the lips, aid for a mile hardly answered the ba iter tha. Virginia kept up. After that he seemed to grow perfectly rcck lcs?, ku ;hcd and j: ked louder than any of the rest, an 1 was so careless that ho drove oa a stone wall; and wc, follow ilf,",wcra all upset in a heap together, and had hard work to get tied up so as to make our way home toward morning, mere dead than alive. "It was a sorry day for Harmon Page. He was waited upon by a church com mittee, healed by De icon Avery, who dencu'.ced his wholo conduct toward Mercy a3 unchristian and highly incon sistent in a church member. "no didn't have much t" say for him self, and they churched him oa the spot, lie was'prcUy down in the mouth, but kept up some hope till he saw Mercy Avery. "He had rerucd.to see Virginia Wake, rnd th-t night he went up tho familiar hill- to Deacon Avery's stone house. "Mercy herself camo to the door, calm and self-possessed, as if nothing had happened, and showed him into the sit ting room. There was a steady dight in her eray cvcp, though that mado Har mon tremble, and, without beating about the. bush a bit, ho came right to the point, and asked if all might bo for given and forgotten, and they become as srood friords ns before. He worked himself into a passion, cried and took oa like a child, they said. "But, law I it didn t rcove her an atom. She had the genuine old Avery 'rit, if she wai mild-macncrcdjfcd she told him that, as long as the churehhad nut him ont. she. of course, couldn't take him back. 1 "He pleaded and entreated until 10 o'clock at night, a lato hour in them days, but it didnt make a might of differ o nee. She wouldn't overlook what the church had considered a crross breach of faith. He went out a crushed man. and from that time his soil it seemed to leave him utterly." "And what about Virginia Wake? ' I interrupted, unconsciously cutting my finger in my eager interest. 4Oh, after the girl had done all tho was mischief possible, public opinion ward her changed 'mazln' quick, she left town in a few days, and never heard from in these parts again." "Aud narmoa Page; what became of him?" "He never got over the shock. He becamo silent and melancholy, and finally had to bo taken to the Retreat, He grew worse, and the sight of a hand some woman with red cheeks and black curls would always throw him into his mcst violent tantrums. He died in the asylum at last." 4 'Now, I think that was real mean," said I, wrathfully winding cotton around my bleeding thumb. "If Mercy Avery hadn't turned him off his life might not havs ended so sadly. I think she ought to have taken him back." "Ah, ha!" Eaid Grandpa West quizzi cally; "do you mean that?'' "Certainly," said I, with dignity, 4 why shouldn't I? "Oh, nothing," ho repliel; "only if sho had, Harmon Pao would have been your grandfather instead of me." "3Iy grandfather why, then," said I in some confusion, "Mercy Avery must be " 4 Mosey West, your grandmother," said grandpa, chucking mo under the chin. Confess now that "all's well that en Is well." "I suppose so," said I reluctantly.' " New England Magazine. Palates of Rubber. "Here is something which might in terest you," said tho physician, handing the reporter a rod fl ip of soft rubber spatulated at one end like a beaver's tail and bearing small rivets at tho other. 4 'What's that?"' 'That's an artificial soft palate. You know some people are so unfortunate as to be born with a cleft in the roof of the mouth, which interferes sadly with their speech. AH sounds which depend upon tho breath being cxcluJcd from tho no3e. IlJto V and 4m.' thev are un- jible to pronounce4. Theso sounds are called nasal, because thev no throusrh the no.se. Look ia the class with your i mouth wide open and you will sec a lit- . i t.e tongue dangling away back at tho roof of the mouth. This is tho uvula, which is absent in tho caso of those who havo cleft palates. It helps in swallowing as well us in speech. Now, this artificial uvula is not the natural shape, a3 you see, but is thinned out an (1 spread out like a fan at one end. That is so that it may rest against the mincic which would natural ly move tho palate. The other end of the piece 13 riveted to a plate which is kept ia tho roof of the mouth, cither by suction or by springs. "A queer thing about those cases of cleft palates is that tho perception of tho proper sounds of letters dies out as the man grows older. A child in whose mouth an artificial palate is at tached soon learns to talk as naturally as people whose palates arc normal. Bat those who have passed middle life be fore they have one put in have, it is Said, to learn a language like French, where the great prevalence of nasal sounds compels them to notico their im portance. Only in that way do they Ietrn to speak English properly." Chicago Mail. Corralcd by Sharks. A diaghy with grass from Dwarka foundered not very far from Bate, a port on the Dutch coast, whilo she was on her way to Karachi, when the crew, consisting of seven, took to the mast which had unshipped. At tho time she foundered the vessel was very close to the shore, and the crew wero gradually working their way toward the beach, when one of thoir number was heard to shriek and immediately disappear, and tho others, to their horror, realized that they were surrounded by sharks, with no means of escaping, as the mast not only gave with thoir weight, but could not be kept steady oa account of tho rough state of tho sea. The men wero in a state of anxiety and fear, not know ing whose turn would come next. One by one the meu suddenly disappeared, uutil only ono remained, and by this time the storm having subsided, he managed to balance himself steadily on the mast, which drifted toward tho beach on the following day. He was thus tossed about on the sea, expecting every momont to bo his last for two days and a night. Sind (India) Times. .- A Modern Knight. She 44Ah, John 1 before wo were married you were always wishing you were one of tho kcight3 of old, so you might tdiow your devotion; and now" ' He 'Great heavens, Maria! did you ever hear of one of those old chivalry fellows jumping up from his paper to chop wood?'' Judge. CHILDREN'S COLUMN. Xa nrd'ii Dlamsndi, 4'A million little diamonds Twinkle on tho trees, e And all the little maidens s dd, 4 A jewel, if you please!' But while they held their hands outstretched. To catch the diamonds gay, A million little sunbeams came And stole them all away. " A. Mog Xi wpapr Carrier. Charlie Raper, an enterprising news paper circulator and dealer at Big Rap ids, is enabled to carry some enormou3 long rcutos through the ail of a hand some Newfoundland dog. Charlie covers his route oa the, dead rua, but doesn't stop at a house, hh ablo assis tant taking the papers from lm hand and leaving them upoa tho proper door steps. It is lively work for the agent, but a good deal livelier for the dog, who often has to jump fences and gates to keep up with the procession, and not infrequently finds it necessary to also lick some other dog or shake a cat in order to cover his ground properly and leave his papers in the right places. llunt:itr The Tig-pr. You must know, first of all, that the tiger as seen cooped up in a cage at some circus, or in a zoo logic il garden, is very different frcm the animal as he appears in his native jungle. In the Circus he is so 1 'cabined, cribbed, con fiicd" that he is never able properly to stretch his muscles, and the roar with which ho greets tho keeper who is I ringing hh food resembles the roar with which ho awakens the echoes of tho forest, as the piping of a tin trump et resembles the : crotch of n fteam whistle. It is difficult to describe the roar cf a tiger when he i angry. It is not like thi lion's, which is more nearly a "bellow," but perhaps you can realize it when I say that it is as if a thousand tom-cats gave oac wild and prolonged "meow." Tigers arc generally hunted in two ways: ono i, shooting from the howdah of a "pad" cU phant, which is a comparatively safe methodj and the other is to shoot them from a mccchaum, or platform of boughs fixed in a tree. When tho latter method is adopted a Lait, ia the form of a Lu'.lock, cither alive or dead, is generally used to at tract a ticr: or cUc the mccchaum is built within raugc of tiae place to which the animal is accustomed to come fcr his 1 morning drink. Tho latter is perhaps the commoner w v, as shooting tigers from the ba'clv of an elephant is rather expensive work and ouly within reach of those who have long purses. Sr. Nicholas. A. Sow Htvry of Haw : horn p. Nathaniel ll-iwlhome was a kind hearted in :u as well as a great novel ist. While he was U litcd States Con sul at Liverpool, England, a young New England or oac day walked into his office. Tho boy had left homo to seek his fortune, l ut evidently had not found it yet, although he had crossed the sea in tho search. Homcsic'c, friendless, nearly penniless, ho wanted a passage heme?. Tho clerk said Mr. Hawthorne could not be seen, and intimated that the boy was no American, but was try ing to steal a passage. The boy &tuck to his point, and the cleik at last wenfioto tho inner room and said to Mr. Hawthorne: "lire's a boy insists upon seeing you; he says he's an American, but I know he isn't." Hawthorne came out of his room and looked keenly at the eager, ruddy face of the toy. "You want a passage to America?" 'Yc?, sir." "From what part of America?" United States, sir." "What state?" "New Hampshire, sir." "Town?' "Exit-er, sir." Hawthorne looked at him a minute before asking tho next question. 4 'Who sold the best apples in your town?" 4 'Skim-milk Folsom, sir," said the boy, with gliitening eyes, as the fa miliar by-word brought up the dear old scenes of home. 4 'It's all right," said Mr. Hawthorne, Vgive him a passage." Cnrious Story of a Painting. A curious story is told about one of tho paintings by the famous artist Da vid, which is included in a collection about to be sold at Brussels, Belgium. It bears the title of 4 'Family Portraits," yet only ono figure is represented on the canvas, that of an old la iy seated in an arm-chair. The chair itself was of a later style than the date of the painting. In spite of these ' peculiarities Mr. Van Praet, tho lato owner, had purchased the work. He then had it cleaned and carefully scraped, in tho course of which operation the family 4 'portraits" were successively brought to light. It was afterward ascertained that the old lady, who had sat to David for her portrait surrounded by all tho members of her family, had gradually quarrelled with them all in turn and had their portraits painted over one by one, until she alone of the group remained, sitting in that preposterous looking chair of hers. BOGUS MONEY. The Work of Counterfeiters Dur ing the Last Eleven Years. Two Million Dollars in Money Captured Bad "There is money enough there to make you and I rich for the rest of our lives," said a secret servlco official to a Washington correspondent of the New York Herald. The conversation took placo ia ono of the rooms of the secret service division in tho treasury department, and "there" was a vault lrom which messengers were carryiig little canvas bag3 and packages done up ia Manila papor and sealed with red wax. "But I am afraid," the official con tinual, "that it wouldn't do u much good. There are a couple of million dollars there, lut every cent of it h bo gus." The "queer" was being taken out of the secret service vaults to bo examined by a committeo app .dated by tho sec retary of the treasury for that purpose, previous to being destroyed. It is eleven years ago since tho last counter feit mocey in tho treasury was de stroyed, and these $2,000,000 represent tho work of the counterfeiting fraternity since tint time. Whenevor a shover of tho queer is captured with any bogu3 stuff on him the money is sent to Wash ington, whero it lies in a vault until enough has accumulated, when it is de stroyed. Each cpturo is kept scpirato from tho others and tho bogU3 coin is trcate 1 just the same as if it wero United States money juit issued from the mint. The number and the letter A refer to a record and complete inventory which is kept of every caso. "Wc have ia that collection," said the Secret Service man, 4 'gold and sil ver and everything in tho shapi of pa per from a ono cent revenue stamp up to a $1000 government bond, which is tho largest bond that his cvor been counterfeited. Thcro are 208 of the 1000 bonds which were mado by the great firm of Brock way, Smith & Doyle, probably the three greatest men in their business wc have ever known. S ms of tho work oa theso boaU h finer than the genuine, but that is accounted for when you remember that Smith was tho engraver who did the work for the gov eminent, and when ho went into busi ness for him elf he improved on his first effort. 4 'Stories connccte I with this money? Well, Islmild say. Hero is some stuff (and here he picked up a bag of half dol lars), which wis taken from a gang of eighteen that operated ia West Virginia in 1S82 aud 1883 Their leader was a member of the Sato Licislaturo. anl when we 'lagged' him at last he boasted of having spoken on the floor of the House with counterfeit money ia his pockets. No, I can't tell you his name because since lm release from prison, where we sent him, ho h;:s been livin respectable life and is now ia budncss ia Wist Virginia and is doing well. "There's soire stuff we captured at Oswego, N. Y., ia 1880. The brains of that gang was a Mrs. Ingerjoll, and a pretty bad woman sho was, too. Two of her daughters were with her, and as they were very rrctty girls the old woman found them very useful ia fas cmating young men of a certain class, so that at last they were willing to do anything that tho girls wanted. "This package recalls a tragedy. It was made by a big gang in Indiana some years ago, and when our men wrcnt to arrest them one of tho fellows shot an officer through the hand, and ho promptly returned tho fire and shot tho man through the heart." "Is there much counterfeiting going on at the present time? ' "No, very little. You see it takc3 gool deal of money to counterfeit notes. There mut be a good engraver, a man who knows his luuries3 thoroughly, and a first class printer. It takes from six months to a year to engrave tho plates, aud during that time the men have to live." Besides the $2,000,000 of bogus money there are millions of dollars in what are known as "flash" notes. These imitations are greenbacks used ! for advertising purposes, and although they were not got up for fraudulent purposes it is a violation of tho law to make any colorable imitation of United States currency or any government obli gation. These flash notes are often passed off on the negroes of the south as good money by confidence m?n. The secret service people nt a rough gues3 bcli.ve they have $50,000,000 worth of fl ish notes i 1 their pojscssion. All this bogus money will bo counted by the Treasury Committee. Tho notes will bo sent to tho maccrator and ground into pulp, and come to light again in tho shape of sightly looking pug dogs or busts of Garfield or Cleve land, whilo tho coin will bo melted down at the navy yard, and perhaps eventually become part of the new navy. A Waity come? Question When will he Flower Pots. Mr. Eben E. Rex ford has a pag ol pleasant gossip in Vick's Monthly oa the subject of flowers and flower pot?. He prefers the plain, uaglazcd pot to any other for greenhouse use, but in the living-room he thinks a glazed pot most satisfactory becauso the high tempera ture of most living rooms causes such a rapid evaporation from the soil in the pot, if it be a porous one, that plant: suffer from lack of moisture at tho roott very frequently when those who hav char go of them think the soil must be moist all through. Tho pot gets warm from contact with heated air, and this, combined with tho free admission ol heated air through tho pores of the clay on all sides of the pot, takes the mois ture away from the soil below it3 sur face almost as rapidly as it evaporates from the top. If paiatcd or glazed pota aro used, there will bo no admission ci this air through tho sido of, ihi pot, consequently no direct evaporation there. VI am !'I aware," he says, "that some advise against the use of these pots on tho plea that they mako tho soil heavy and sour, and that the air cannot get to the roots readily. The first objection can bo met with tho assertion of a simple fact: If proper drainage is provided, a plant can be grown healthily in glass 01 tin. or any vessel having air-tight sides. The surplus water will rua off from the soil, and drain out at tho bot tom through the material provided to keep the soil from packing down, and filling up the hole in the bottom of the pot. I have frequently seen remarka bly healthy looking plants growing in old tin cans whose bottoms wero punched full of holes for tho escape of tho water, Without these holes plants so green are almost always sickly. This proves that the im portant item to bo considered is drain age, rather than tho material of which the vessel is compoicd or tho condition of its sides. As regards tho objection raised against glazod pots became of the non-admission of air to the roots through the sides, it amounts to noth ing. If tho surface of tho soil is stirred frequently, as it always should be, the air can penetrate to tho roots through it quite a3 easily and a3 perfectly as tho air gets to tho roots of plants growing in the ground. Where but few plants are kept ia tho sitting-room, glazed or painted pots add vastly to the appear ance of tho flower stand. Until within a period of a few years it was supposed that plants would not thrive ia glazed pots, but this has been abundantly proved to be an error. To Harness Niagara's Flood. A somewhat startling proposition in connection with the general subject ol the transmission of energy to a distance by electricity was advanced by that eminent engineer, the late Charles W. Seimcua of London,' who, ia 1877, ex pressed his conviction that by this means the enormous energy of tho fall ing water lit Niagara might bo trans ferred to New York City, and there utilized for mechanical purposes. In 1879, Sir William Thompson, the elec trician, publicly asserted his belief in the possibility, by means of an insulated copper wire, half au inch in diameter, of taking 20.000 horse-power from watcr-whccls driven by the falls, and of delivering 21,000 horsepower at a distance of 300 statute mile?. ' He esti mated th it the cost of copper for the lino would bo less than $15 per horse power of energy actually dclivcrel at the re mote station. A scries of extensive and costly experiments of this character havo been zealtmly prosecuted withia the last few years by M. Marcel Deprez, a French electrical engineer, who was fortunate enough to obtain tho financial assistance of the Rothschilds. The results attained havo been much criti cised by the profession in ether coun tries, but it seems indisputable that on at least one cccasion more than thirty five horse-power was delivered at tho terminal of a conductor seventy milc3 ia length, sixty-two horse-power having been applied to drive the generator, showing a total loss of energy approxi mating forty-three per cent., a result which cannot bo looked upon as un satisfactory. Scribner' s. He Got Thing) Mixed. An old parish clerk was told to give the following notice: "Oi Sunday next the servico in thi3 church will bo held in tho afternoon and on the follow ing Sunday it will be held in tho morn ing, and so on alternately until further notice." What he actually did read out was: "Oa Sunday next the morning services in this church will be hell in tho after noon and on the following Sunday the afternoon service will bo held in the morning, and so oa to all eternity." Temple Bii Too Much Exercise. He had been walking up. and down the room with tho baby for two hours. "John," said his wife, frcm among the pillows, "you don't look very well of late. I'm afraid you don't get exer ciso enoughr" John laid the baby ia the crib with its feet on the pillow and went to sleep. Harner's B izaar. At Moonrise. Eow hushed and quiet the gaunt poplars spring Beside the lake, , Where the song-weary thrush, head under wins, Is nestling half -awake! The warm gray lights of evening linger there Or gently pass Along the dappled water, and the air No voice nor music has. Low on the night's marge yonder, a big moon, Cleaving the blue, Comes up and silvers the broad shades which soon The bats flit darkly through. And visions, bora of fancy and the night, Glide to and fro, Move with dream-feet amid the solemn light, And softly come and go. Across the moor else silent over earth And sky's wide range Steals the low laughter of two lovers' mirth; How sweet it sounds, yet strange! Sidnoy A. Alexander. HUMOROUS. A pointed letter A. Always ready to go bail Cotton brokers. If a doctor orders bark has not tho patient a right to growl?. "I was rapped ia slumber," said a tramp as the policeman hit him. Tho Victoria-Battenbcrg match seems likely to set Europe on firo unless it is scratched. When does a successful lover think he is getting ahead? When he is get ting a heart. A man recently bought a horso by photograph, thus literally getting tho carte bo fore the horc. A pig would seem the best subject for medical students to experiment on, as ho could be killed first and cured after ward. You can't always judge tho size of a man's bank account by tho artistic beauty of the picture on the outsido of his office safe. "I wih my name were Notoriety," sighed a 30-ycar-old maiden. "Why?" asked her mother. "Because so many men couit notoriety." In the theatre "But why do you weep? The acting is certainly not so touching." "Excuse me; I am bewail ing tho money I paid to come in." A woman may not be ablo to sharpen a pencil or throw a stone at a hen, Lut she can pack more articles ia a trunk than a man into an express wagon. Ne: vous old lady, on the fifth floor of flat: Do you know what precautions the owner has taken against fire? Jan itor: Yis, mum ; he has tho houso in shoorcd for twice wot it's worth. "Who mado this hash?' "Why, my new Boston cook, of course." "Then, please return to her these remnants of a pair of eyeglasses, and tell her that sho needn't give her dishes such an intel lectual flavor hercaUcr. Wife "Tho gas collector was hero again to day.'' Husband "Did you tell him to call again?" Wife "Yes, but he said it wouldn't be necessary." Husband "Wouldn't be necessary?" Wife "Yes, ho shut the meter off." A Gay young coquette is Miss Julia, With flattery seeks she torulia; But 'twere best to beware, Else you'll find that, though fair, This maiden is seeking to fulia. Beacousfleld and Primroses. A corrcspocde t writes to London Notes and Queries: It is a populai idea that Lord Beaconsficld was devoted to the primrose. As a matter of fact, he cared no more for primro3e3 than for cowslip 1. Moreover, the only allusion to them in his books is to bo found in "Lothair," where they aro said to mako a capital salal. Tho question then arises, how did tho primroses becomo associated with his name? Ac cording to Tiuth this is the origin of the primrose legend: "Oa tho day of Lord Beaconsfield's funeral the queen sent an immense w:eath of primroses to bo placed upa the coffi', and on a card attached to the wreath of primroses her majesty had written, 'His favorit-j flower. This inscription, of course, at tracted attention, and it was the begin ning of tho primrose craze. But tho fact was that the queen was not think -ino- about Lord Beaconsfield when sha wrote 4nis favorito flower; she had only the prince consort in her mind, ai he was really very fond of primroses, and it was his predilection for them that her majesty was remembering." An Ingenious Explanation. Three -year-old Ralph who 'had been eating grapes begged for another bunch which he saw on the luff .-t. "No, said his mamma, "you have had plenty thi3 morning. I will give you that bunch torn orrow." II df an hour after he appeared with his lips suspiciously Etiiaed. "Ralph," asked his mamma, gTavely, 4 how did those stains come on your lips?" "Mamma," ho replied, quite as grave, 4 'they are from tho graces I am going to eat tomorrow." Harper's Bazaar. iff --;4Si mm IS . '- . ' 'U'i '"'ST M " - ."It 'HI --SI f':.l'!l I r. mi- tkt If I M - k '-4. t 4 -1 :V,V
The Chatham Record (Pittsboro, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
June 7, 1888, edition 1
1
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