North Carolina Newspapers

Iuttlutm tccmt. I) a 11) am ttftorit. 5 it ii. a. JLOivroiv, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR. BATES ADVERTISING TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION. One square, one insertion One Bquare, two insertions -One square, one month fl.0l 1.50 . 3.60 $1.50 PER YEAR Strictly in Advaict. For larger advertisement liberal cou rants will be made. VOL. XVI. PlTTSBOIU) CHATHAM CO., N. C, FEBRUARY I, 1801. IT mm J G O NO. 2.;. Optimism. You may reap vour harvest of whflat and tare.?, You may gather your cockle ami barley, You may husband a harvest of joys and cares Laboring late and early : The grain of gold And the poppy bohl Aud the cornflower blue for adorning; But the fullest ears of the seven fat years Will be gleaned by the gleaner next morning. i'ou may draw your Lets, you may draw your line. Find silvery llh in plenty. You may uiilu for honor, hook titles Him, And of places and porta nil twenty ! The. fish of weight Nwnll-ivv tip your bait. Your lures and your wiles in it scorning; But the lustiest trout, there's no manner of doubt. Will b caught by the fisher next morning. You nJy think out thoughts that are witty and wis ", You may think some deep, some shallow; You may Mure your brain with truth or with lies. You mny l-'t your brain lie Inflow. Thought ii good. !)' it understood ; Uut this lu.'t on your mind must be ' irn in, That the latest thought that mankind ran be taught Will lie thought l v -ouie thinker next morn ing. You may eling to this world of iiiin mid sen-e, You may think of another rarely ; You may sigh, nh, whither.-1 and a-k, ah, when -ey And find life .n:--.i irtir. fairly. Yet life i sweet. We still repeat. On this dear old earth we were bom in. (iood ,e,.p., , l,e.., .e I . hanged into bleit When we wake to (iod's cloudless next inoruing. - (Illaekw I' Maga'.ine. NUTSHELL'S GALLOP. "See yonder horse's I'm it thai lianas on the null over the fireplace?" said Colonel Browne meditatively, as he flicked the ashes limn the till of his cigar in his apartments up town on Thursday night. The wind nnd snow wore holding carnival in the streets, milking everybody within doors thank ful for the shelter of a homo. Three guests had dined with tho colonel, and they Were now Heated Hlmut the open grate in the enjoyment of fra grant cigars. They saw nothing uu HHiial in tin; mass of horn their atten tion was called to, save perhaps that it was burnished with great care, and that it hung pendent from a knot of blue riliboiis. All nodded assent, however, when the colonel repented his query, nnd waited, for they were sure the hoof had a history, and few ran tell a story better than this retired army officer, whose hair is ns white ns the carpet of snow that lay outside, muffling the footfalls of the passers-by and causing the horseR in Fifth avenue to struggle for their feet every step they took. "Did I ever tell you how my mare Nutshell saved the life of my wife away back in '(So? No, I think not," and the Colonel gazed n longtime into the cherry depths of t ho lire and sighed heavily two or three times as the flood of recollections swept away the curtain of the past. The guests knew that hi thoughts were with the spirit of a sweet woman who had been dead ten years, and when the Colonel fumbled at the locket at his chain which held her picture they remained silent. "Like most men in the army, I fell in love young, and was married in Fred ericksburg in '(id, returning to my post of dutv almost immediately after I was made the happiest man on earth. My father-in-law was a racing mini, a breed er of thoroughbreds, nnd w hen 1 went back to my regiment I carried with me a three-year old mare as a present from theohl gentleman, who said that having tio boy of his ow n, he wauled the sou of his adoption to be well mounted and a credit to the army. The tunic was a lovely chestnut in cidor, ami, although a trifle undersized, handled my hit) pound) as though it were play for her, seeming absolutely tireless and pos sessed of speed of such a high order that she won several match luces for ine with the utmost ease. Nutshell was the mime, given to her by my fa-ther-in-hiw, and out of respect for him I did not change it, al though I often thought that it scarcely seemed lilting for such a glo rious mare. 1 r.ide h'-r through a number of engagement, and never found her wanting. Iu battle she had all the courage of a stallion, and en tered iuto the spirit of tho contest with a vigor that was amazing. Her eyes fairly blazed on Mich occasions, and she struck her front feet at the enemy with a fury that transformed her so that she did not seem the same auinuil that was bo docile before the trumpets sounded. I remember oueo in the Shenandoah Valley that she be came iiucoutrolluble for a time in the heat of a tight, and fastened her teeth iuto the nack of an opponent's churjjtr and never gave up until he wns dead and his rider my prisoner. "After hostilities had ceased my father-in-law insisted that my wife and I should make our home with him. Hav ing no plans for the immediate future I was glad of the opportunity, and the months of June, July, August, uud September pns-ted away most happily." The Colonel looked at the window, when.' tho HnowllaUes were eddying, ami was evidently reading from tho open book of the past. "One day," he resumed, "one of the men on the place used more force than I thought was necessary in brid ling Nutshell, ami when 1 took him to task he was insolent. 1 went into the house to avoid trouble, for I was quick tempered in tlms days, but I couldn't forget the fellow's manner, and came to the door iu time to see him snatch at the curb and throw the mare upon her haunches. In an in stant I hint him by the throat, and I'd probably have killed him if they hadn't torn mo away. The man was discharged, and after dinner, when we sat down for an evening's enjoy ment, the entire episode was for gotten. After some music, my wife asked me to read aloud to the family, and, approaching mo from behind with th book, put her arms about m neck iu a way that was peculiarly her own. I had grasped her by the wrists and was about to speak, when the glass in the big French window at the end of the room was shattered, ami tho report of a gun almost deaf ened us. "I remember," nnd the Colonel rose to his feet ami began pacing rapidly before the hearth, "that my fiilher-in-law and myself, with half a dozen ser vauts at our heels, rushed upon the piazza. A scream from my wife's mother brought me to the drawing room in an instant, and there I found my wife with her head pillowed upon her mother's bosom nnd blood pour ing from n wound in her breast just above the heart. The scoundrel had missed my head by an inch ortwo ami reached a fairer mark. The nearest physician was at Fredericksburg, ten miles aw ay, and the plank rond was in the worst possible condition. Shout ing like a mndmnu, l rushed to the barn, saddled Nutshell, and in less than two ininuh's was galloping madly for medical assistance. I knew the folks at home would do their best to stay tho How of blood, nnd that every thing rested in the prompt at tention of h surgeon. I spared neither whip nor spur, but urged the gallant mar.; until it seemed that she must fall from sheer exhaustion, and when tho lights of Fredericks burg rose before me, the mare's sides were torn nnd bleeding, where they were not white with foam, nnd I was little less than a madman. The doctor, who was au old friend, had not retired, and he was in tilt? sad dle and galloping by my side within a few minutes. He urged his horse, a stout half-bred, to his best pace, but he was no match for Nutshell, and when half tho journey was completed he stumbled nnd fell heavily, throwing the doctor far in advauce. I drew rein, and felt my very blood freeze in my veins when I heard him shout : '1 his is bad business, Browne. My horse has broken a leg.' "There was nothing else for it but to have Nutshell carry double, or else I could abandon her to the doctor and proceed on foot. Tho thought, how ever, that my wife might die before I reached the house settled everything, nnd in a twinkling the bourne marc was staggering onward under her double burden. A dozen times she stumbled to her knees, but I raised h"f w ith Miiceand hand, and she strug gled on and on until she seemed pos sessed of endurance, beyond her species. When the house with its lights came into view she seemed to know the necessity of an extra effort, and w hen we dismounted at the door and my father-in-law shouted : 'She's alive yet, there's hopo still,' I threw the reins to a servant, ami followed tho doctors into the house. The wound was a bad one but the surgeon was possessed of uncommon skill, mid my wile ultimately recovered. God was good; lie spared her to me for years, and then look his own, but my gallant little marc, I never saw her alive again. "They found her in the moruing lying cold and stiff in her stall. There wasn't a dry eye in the household, and she was buried on a mound in the pos tern where she first saw tho light of day. 1 had her off front foot cut off a lid mounted, as you see, and there's no money could make me part with it." The Colonel was silent again, and none broke the stillness for some min utes. Finally the youngest of the party queried: "But Colonel tho man who tired the ubot. What of him?" "Oh, his health got bad, nnd he didn't live long afterward." New York Sun. Tax it ion in Miidnar.irnr. The method of taxation in Mada gascar is peculiar, but has plenty of analogies in our own country. It is called "faliinipooiia," nnd corresponds more nearly to our working out a road tax than anything else. Every Hovn subject is obliged to work thlvO mouths each year for the Government and support himself during that time. Sometime the Government does not demand it, nnd othr years it requires a double amount. No taxes are paid in money, and every man under the Prime Minister is expected to render "faniinpoouii." Rich men serve the Government in a capacity suitable to their station, nnd even slaves are re quired to render service. This is hard on the owners, who are obliged to keep one slave out of every four con stantly in the employ of the Govern ment. All tho public buildings in the island were built iu this way, and all the provisions for tin! 100,000 in habitants of Antananarivo are carried by hand I Oil miles from the coast to the capital. This is performed by faliinipooiia. Fifty pounds is an aver age load for one man. Two thousand Mien were sent by the Prime Minister to the con-d during my stay to bring up a Held piece w hich had been pre sented by Captain Lasix-, an American. The faiiitnpoonu is greatly abused by the French. They buy theservicea of a whole village from the govern ment, surround the town, drive tho inhabitants to the mines, and keep them working on scanty rations for three mouths. Toward the close of this period nearly every native is ii'-oust-d of some slight offense, and us a punishment is compelled to work another three months. Tho French maltreat the natives, beat ami starve them, and if they do not tind enough gold each day to satisfy their taskmas ters they are put in the stocks for the night, and obliged to work the next day without supper or breakfast. - San FranctscH Chronicle. Hie .1 argon. The New York Tribune snys that there is a dialect spoken iu parts of that city which is so distinctly nui ift iirri.i as almost to merit the name of a hinguagi. It is known ns "Tho Jargon," and is spoken by Polish and Russian Hebrews. It consists mainly of au imperfect German, with occa sional Hebrew or Polish words. Those who have studied its history say that those who spoke it are de scended from Hebrews who formerly lived in Germany, and spoke the Ger man tongue. When they migrated to Poland they preserved among them selves, as far ns possible, the German language. It became somewhat cor rupted, but in the main was the lan guage spoken by those who originally left Germany. The language of Ger many itself became changed in time, and now there is considerable differ once between the words spoken by the Polish descendants of the German Hebrew and those spoken by educated Geriiiaus. Tho difference is said to be slight when a few corruptions of the original tongue are known. Edu cated Germans, however, cannot un derstand at first tie: peculiar Polish Hebrew style, A Sitting Knek Wnllcil in liy lie s. A couple of days ago, at the farm of G. W. Hiitchins, seven miles from Maiysville, a bee tree was found near the east bank of Feather river, which was cut to obtain the honey. Alter the tree was cut down to the ground mi investigation was instituted and the honey located ill a hollow half way between where it was cut and the top. On cutting open the body of the tree they secured about Hll pounds of honey, II duck eggs and a dead duck. It appears that a wood duck had formed a cavity through a lode that was originally large enough to admit her body. After laying 11 eggs she had commenced sitting to hatch them, ami while doing so the bet s had tilled the hide with Comb so that she could not get out, ami she died on tho nest. Red Bluff Democrat. A Different Application. Rider sister. "Conn', Clarence, take your powder like a man. You never hear me making any complaint about such a little thing as that." Clarence Callipers (sourlyl. "Neither would I if I could dniih ii on my face; it is swallerin' it that I object to. " Life. Lemons arc used by the Romans to ki cp moths from their garments, and in the time of Pliny they were con sidered an excellent poison. They are natives of Asiu. CHILDREN'S COLUMN. IF I WEIIL lor. I'pon my word Miss Yellow-bird If 1 w-ero you, and you were I, I wouldn't be so dreffl" -hy, And up und fly When you i-ouie nigh ! If I were you, - I tell you true, Old busy, bu. y Ini'iibM- . I wouldn't sting 1'or anything, A little hit o' girl lik" tnej. ( I, how you chick. You naughty die k No. ipiaek. I mean ba Mm cim 1 wouldn't ever have the name 01 making such n t.-n-at ado, Jf I were you 1 Now shoo ! shoo ! shoo .' If I were you.--Old piissy-an'tt , I think you look so warm and snug That I would come Like you o - hum ! A-n-il j-u-'-t u-r-l -u-p h-o-r-e -o-n t-h-e r-u-g - - (', ('. Ji m ks in V orthington's M.-igH:-.inn V TINV rAISTISH. Probabiv I he smallest painting ever made was the wni k of the wife of a Flemish artist. It depicted a mill with the sails bent, tin1 miller mount ing the stairs with a suck of grain on his baek. I'pon the terrace where the mill stood were a horse and cart, and on the road leading to it several peasants were shown. The picture was beautifully finished, and every ob ject v ns very distinct, el it was so amazingly small that its stirfact uld be covered with a grain of corn. iii:i:ssi;ii iiisi:i.k as a at. One of the most celebrated of little men was Jeffrey Hudson, who figures iu Sir Walter Scott's "lVvcrill of the Peak." His history has been so often written as to bear but a brief mention. A whimsical mite was he, presented by the Duchess of Buckingham to Queen Henrietta Maria, the wife of Charles I, served up iu a cold pie, and many were the pranks in which he took a part. For instance, there was n party of tattle-baskets, as they were vulgarly termed, sitting down to enjoy the "cup that cheers" and a dish of gossiji at the same tune, while Butter kin the cat, sat gravely by. The meal over, one guest offered puss a bit of cheese, and was paralyzed to have that nnimal speak up and say, "liuttei -kin can help himself when he is hun gry," and then made off down stairs, leoving the oltl crones with uplifted hands, in wild confusion, shouting at their hostess. "A witch! a witch! with her talking ent !" while it might have gone very hard with the poor v.-oman hail it not soon been found that a wag, for a joke, had killed and Hayed her pot grimalkin and dressed wee Joffrey iu its skin. - Harper's Young People. onKYHOfMis. Greyhounds have existed iu very much the same form a- we r.nd them to-day for more than :t000 years, as wo Hud thorn pictured mi Fgyptian monuments of that reunite period. The name probably camo from their geiierul color iu Lnghind when King Canute decreed that n-nie but princes and nobles should keep them. The color now, in either smooth or roiigh-coale-.l g rey hounds, is very seldom gray, but more often fawn, red, brin dled (either red and black mixed or fawn and blue!, or black. The smooth-coated dog is known ns the I'.nglisli greyhound. and the rough coated a-, the Scotch deerhoutnl. In conformation thev are very much the same. They arc the fastest run ners of any of tho canine race. On level ground they can go as fast as a race-hol-.-e, and over hilly ground they can unquestionably bent even the fleet-footed thoroughbred. Former ly the F.nglish dog was used iu chas ing the red and fallow dear, and it is related that on one occasion (ueeii Elizabeth witnessed the pulling down of sixteen bucks. The dogs of that day must have Ken stronger than those now found in F.ngluiid. When the Master of the Koyal linekhonuds now has n meet iu tho royal forests of England it is a sorry sight, for the deer arc themselves more, than half domesticated, and do not know how to get away. The greyhound is used, however, iu coursing hares, and it is one of the national sports of Great Rritaiu. In Texas and some other parts of Amer ca, where jack-rabbits abound, grey hounds are kept to chase them. The English greyhound is a beautiful, graceful and aristocratic-looking dogs, but the Scotch deerhound is more dig nified in appearance. These dogs are trniued to hunt game by the eye lone. They have good noses, how over, and if permitted to do bo would also hunt by scent. Harper's Young r-.op.e. WATER BUFFALO. A Clumsy But Useful Native of the East Indies, Mortal Foe of Tigers and Valua ble Akl to Farmers. If the camel is the ship of the des ert, the water buffalo is the lugger of the plains. This clumsy nnimiil is a native of the East Indies, where, as in Egypt, it has served man for ages, Thirteen hundred years ago Egypt re ceived the Hist herd, and ever since the buffalo has been prized as a bur den bearer and substitute lor the horse iu agriculture in that country. Larg- r than the ov. tin- buffalo, as seen iu Egypt, is n h stronger, and can pull double the load. Picttll'esipio indeed is a scene on the Nile m ar one of the indispensable wells on the river bank, with a score of these angular, ugly beasts enjoying a bath. They will lie there for half a day, with only nose and i yes above water, looking like hippopotami, ami enjoying the situa tion. The buffalo delights to roll in the mud, a good plastering of which prevents tho Hies from stinging his shiny brown hide, which is poorly pl'otceled by a meagre growth of hair und bristles. The fierce nnd unturned South A frii'ini buffalo is usually considered a separ ate species, and the bison ,,f America is a dilferent aiiimal itlt.igi t ln-f. 1 h-li popularly know ii by tic same name. When drawing a load, the Egyptian buffalo straightens his nook ami sticks his head as far out as he n jot it, the shoulders forming a rest for his re dining horns, which turn up at the point, in.lavii I noticed that a topi' sulliceil for harness, which is the same met hod of management that I miw in Egypt. When I lilst saw the Malayan buffalo, at 11 little distance, the large t ars looked like an extra pair of loo n , Ii ii I the Malay farmer seemed to b. plowing with a four-horned bia-t. Roth the Malayan and his b ast ol burden hate the tiger w ith an inten sity that is remarkable A Javanese will attack a tiger anywhere on sight, uud n buffalo is too much for a tiger iu mortal combnt. In India, when a luckless tiger is caught by a herd of buffaloes he is tossed about like a shuttle cock on their strong horns.aiid then trampled out of simp?. In India, too, the buffalo is n tiger lighter at public exhibitions, and nil classes, from the princes to the mean est slave, delight in witnessing the rush of the lumbering ox upon the sgile man-eater, and it is n rare occa sion when the tiger escapes w ith his life, let him bite nnd (daw as he will. Iu China the buffalo is much smaller than in India nnd Egypt. In India n single buffalo w ill charge a herd of elephants, but how peaceful he looks when pulling au Egyptian plow, n mere crooked stick scratching the ground, after the manner of noble ancestors for three thousand years and more. The buffalo also does work by turning u huge wheel over which a rope is twisted, and to which earthen jars arc tied. Water brought up from the riverside well by this rude device is poured into n trough, which sup plies the thirsty laud, and contrib utes to the life of the mange grove in the background. Yoked, and blindfolded with course matting about the size of soup plates, the pa tient brute pushes the spoke t nds of the horizontal wheel against the cogs of the upright wheel, which turns the bucket wheel, and slowly, jar by jut, the water is raised. A piece of sack ing and a turban complete the costume of the Egypt'aii driver. Hot1! the lint' falo and the camel ale wonderfully adapted to the sands of Egypt. S.iiline recently on the Sin z canal, 1 saw nuiu-1.,'i-s of camels engaged in carrying sand, and thousands of coolies at work on a line of railway along the banks of the canal. This railway will soon do the carrying-of goods, instead ol of the ship of the desert and the lug girof the Nile. I American Agricul turist. Ited (oral. In ancient times, no less than now, the red coral of the Mediterranean was highly and everywhere valued for its beauty. If Koinan ladies were eager for Indian pearls, no less were Indian nobles for Italian coral. The Gallic chieftain used it to adorn his sword, his shield, ami his helmet. In the East it was an amulet as well as an ornament. In the West it was roasted, it was pulverized, it was mixed with water or mixed w ith wine, and then ill unk or applied as a lotion to cure nil k-i is of infirmities of the nosh. Thousands of years ago babies had their coral. It w as supposed lobe a protection, ami there is no knowing but wh'it many a fond uursu itiid mother in modern times may cherish just tho same view of it mystic effi cacy, while pretending to the unitiated that it is given, not to avert the influ ence of the evil eye, but to help the child in its teething. If nny deppond ing persons fear that in natural his tory there will soon be nothing left to discover, they may be consoled by reflection on the number of genera tions which went on handling and mumbling coral without discovering its true nature. The Greeks were in clined to regard it as a stone, but a stone with power of growing in the water. Ill course of veals, as the Latin w liter- show , thU view was rlightly modilie 1. 'i'heeoral eiilni to be re- i mirded as a plant of the sea, which hardened into stone on exposure to the air. The naturalists of the six- I tei nth and seventeenth centuries were much of the saiiie mind about it. Tho great Lord liacon in his "Experiment Solitary lunching the Growth id ( 'oral," sagely observes : In the sen, upon the southwest of Sicily, much coral is found. It is a submarine plant. It hath no leaves: it branchoth only when it is under water; it is soft and green of color, but being brought into the air, it bieomcth hard and shining red, as we see. It is said also to haven white berry, but we find that it is md brought over with the coral. Relike it is ca-t away as noth ing worth: impiire better of it, for the discovery of the nature of the plant. ( Ediubiirg Review. I'roilighnis Meat uf Cue Mm. No lecturer in this country has the (lower of. so .icturesipiely conveying scientific facts to n popular audience as Sir Robert Hall. In the e mrse of his lecture at the Rival Institute lately mi recent sola r d iseov cries, says the Pittsburg Hispatch. Sir Robert, w ith a view of bringing home to his hearers the stupendous bent givi n out by the sun, declared that the energy of one si ua IV yard of the sun's sui lace would keep a series of Atlantic liner boilers at work, developing 1 1 nil -'O.Onil to 110,000 horse power continually. If nil the coal in the earth were put into one large lieapand kindled with an unlimited supply of oxygen for its combustion, it would Hot, we are told, give out heat siitlic ient to replace that lost by the sun in one-thousandth part of a second of time, fu the ball of flaming matter which we call the sun clouds of carbon arc continually rising to the surface, and remain there to glow with incon ceivable intensity. Ry the help uf photography, aided by the spectro scope, the cloudy surface of the sin can liow be examined, and more is now known about the sun's corona thnn wns at one time believed to be possible. Pre viously the corona, which really is a crown of fiery tongues of flame many of them oll.ooo miles in length could only be seen during an eclipse, but now we have photographs which show these (lames to be ever darting forth mid flickering from the sun's disc. These mighty flames occupy a ijiiarter of an hour in performing a single flicker, but they give us an impressive idea of the exuberant ac tion of the solar material from the speed at which the incandescent gas darts forth at times suflicieiit to carry it beyond the attraction of the sun's gravity. Great Hupjiirds uf the Northwest, The palm for possessing the largest single hop ranch in the world, which has for a long time la i n the proud ' boast of King county, wiil soon pass ! to the east nide of the Cascade luouu I tains. Yakima county has laid claim ! to the distinction, and by next sum I no i will h ive evry right to it. Cot j there will be growing at that time j upon her rich valley land' boo acres i of lions in oin- bodv . The big Snoipuilinie hop ranch it. this county contains :', 0 acres in one body, plant, d to hop -, and the Lilien th ils of San I'l unci -co own a yard at Phil ton. Alameda county, Cali fornia, of "i"iO acres, to winch they are nddiiig oOO acres nunc, which, when fully planted, will be larger than tho Yakima yard. Seattle Telegraph. His Occupation. What is your line of business?' whispered to editor to a man he was about to introdui o to Northern cap talists. 'I hauls fin nittiic," huskily enmo the reply "Here, gentlemen," continued tho editor, "is Mr. Jones, one of the mov ing spirits of our city. " Atlanta Con stltutloll. Whalebone has been selling as low as ,-j'J a pound in New P.edfoid, Mass. The decline is due to the unprecedent ed catch of the v haling vessels iu the Arctic Ocean last w inter. Sensible Habits. Don't complain About the weatlipr. For ensier'ti?. you'll find. To mako your miud to weather Thau vventliPr to your mind. foon't complain About "the sermon," And shor your 1,-e'k of wit, l or. like a boot, a sermon hurt-i Tho closer it doth lit. ll if't complain About your neighbor, l-'or iu your neighbor's vimv His neighbor is Not faultless "'hat neighbor being yon. Hl'MOHOCS. Did you dread proposing to nie, John?" "Oh, no. 1 had 1 n told beforehand that you wouldn't accept me." Lnura "I'licle George, is that de formed gentleman what is called a crook?' " I'neleGeorge "No indeed. He is a bicyclist. " Brown -"That wife of yours just fills tho bill." Jones -"She more than does it. The last one Hint came iu ran tdear over to the next page." "Jaggs is niter everything in sight. I believe he'd like the earth.'' "No, he wouldn't.'' "Why wouldn't he?" "Well I ause it's two-thirds water." Mr. P.eeiilhere.- "Well, I think marriage at the best is but a lottery." Miss Yellovvleaf I eagerly I - "YoU don't happen to know vv here t hey sell tickets, do you." Friend "I don't see how , mi your income yon manage to Winter in Flor ida and Summer in Maim ?" "You forget that by that plan I dodge boll; colli and ice bills." in carving a turkey. l h tiaiid young man, Always rarve i Ic, prow If you po-jly can. "Young Snilkin - tell - no- that he if a practicing physician now. Is he?" "Well, frmn the high rate of mortal ity mining his patients I should snv ho is, just practicing. " "I'o yon enjoy holidays?" said Johnny's uncle. "Yes, sir." "What do you enjoy iin i -t about tliein?' "Bein' able to stay home from school without being sick." He -"As you are a student of char acter, what can yon say of mine?" She "You're one who makes big mis takes." He "How can you tell?" She "By your handwriting." "Jimmic, where did you get that live cents?" "It's the money you gave me for the heathen, mamma." "Then why did you keep it?" "My teacher said I was a heathen." "Does your mother give you coffee at every meal?" Tommy- "I don't know." "Why don't you?" Tommy -"Well, 'cause mother calls it coffee, but the boarders call it horrid. " Kate "And before ho went awny ho gave her n sweet kiss." Aunt Mary "And piny hmv do you know it was sweet? l'id llettte tell you so?" Kate "No; I had it direct from Fred's lips." "Lot tle'in have their gav rc-optem. For me they have no joy ; The snow hall's my festivity." lfemarki'd th" averag boy. Cholly--"IM go west, out mi a waueho, if I vviisu'i alwaid those sav ages would bvvniu me." Miss Smartly --"h, I don't believe those Indian braves would do so small a thing as that." "What nro your hopes for the future?" asked the solemn man. "I have none just now," replied the youth- "To-morrow is iiiv b 'st girl's birthday and I am worrying about the present. " "I've noticed one thing about wid ows' w eeds, " said his Keverelico. "What's thai?" asked his Honor. "They rarilv interfere with tho growth of oran::e blos-mii-i mi the same soil. " A clergyman startl-il his drowsy congregation the other day as follows: "My dourly beloved friends, permit me to remind you that I come here to preach, not to net as umpire in asleep, ing match." Mrs. Poaoliblow "Why does your husband curry such a termemlous ncount of life insurance, when he's iu such perfect health?'' Mrs. flicker "O, just to tantalize. Men are nat urally cruel." lbietol - "How is the baby?" Mrs. Jinks "Glial bad, sir. Last night the piior little thing was took dretHe. First she would clench In r hands, nnd then she would say 'A-h-h !' just like a human being." A book agent went into a barber ehop nud asked the proprietor if ho could sell Li i ii t an encyt lopiedin. "What's that?" asked tho tonsorial artist. "It is a book that contains in formation on every subject iu tho world." Victim in the chair taya fee bly ; "He doesn't nepd it."