(Chatham lcriucl. II. A. LONDON, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOK. RATES ADVERTISING TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION, Ono square, one irmcrtion Ono square, two insertions Ono square, ono month (1.0b 1.50 . a.60 11.50 PER YEAR Strictly in Advanct. VOL. XVI. nTTSIH)KO CHATHAM CO., N. C, FKMHTARY IS1M. For larger advertisements liberal ecu tacts will lo mado. !jatljaa tttcorb. ff 111 n ii NO. -:. Slncrhijr of Good Time. Lot' Mill sing of the luiiiy times the happy times to be, A sini; tho rivers, streaming on in music to the sea: As sing til" bird--they know nut why when springtime days 1-ogiu ; So M us sing the smi time out, ami sin thn glad time, in ! I.efs s-till sing of the happy times; th-nuh in the wintry fnt The svyetest ruses nf the world are withered imw niiil lust : Some time they'll Mtutm for us againand nil their swis-ts we'll win ; Let's sing the withered roses out, ami sing the new ones in! IF. I.. 8. The Fortescue Diamonds. Terrace Turk place is the aristoerntic name tlmt n shrewd real-estate man has given to n row of suburban resi dences he lms jmt up for rent. Terrace 1'nrk place consist of thir teen dwellings. These dwellings were constructed by contract and are nil nlike. .Tiiek Atlu-rton, my best friend, with bi wife, Iivsh in 7 Terrace 1'nrk place. 1 v tin there in the morning after the great Fortescue diamond robbery. The papers had given much space under the largest ntid most n'lisatioiial head lines to the robbery and I hml read it through in nil its details. A house had lieeii mysteriously entered ; no one of the inmates had heard a mnmd ; diamond variously estimated at from $..0,OOi to $100,000 had been taken ; nothing else hadlieeli touched. My mind was full of thin affair when I enlled on Jack. "I bought a new ring yesterday," Raid my friend, atnl proceeded to fell mo why. "1 never wear much jew elry," he said, "hut I like to ow n a little as an investment. This one cost rue 350, and it is certainly worth 31. VI. You must see it and admire if." Ami he produced a casket. 1 could not help seeing something of (he other contents of Jack's liox, and l at once took him to task for his carelessness in keeping so much prop erty of that sort in his house, espe cially when it was nut worn and used. Jack laughed af me. "The whole boxful wouldn't sell for SI. DIM," he said, "and the risk of taking and dis posing of it is too "rent to make the (peculation a paying one. 1 am always at home at night ; 1 sleep with a revol ver where I can put my hand on it ; I urn n light sleeper; my jewels arc as mite on my dressing table as they would be in nny bank vault in the city. I tell you, lick. they can't play the Voltcscue game on me!" "Pshaw!" said I, "anyone could come in here, without the slightest ditlieultv, and take everything vou've got." "I'll bet you 500 on it," said Jack. "I'll take it," replied I. And then we both laughed. "How long shall the time be?" he queried. "Three months," said I. He agreed. I was younger than I am now, ami correspondingly leas w ise, and stopped to consider neither the danger nor the possible consequeneeH. I was going to rob Atherton's house, as a friendly proof of the truth of my opinion. That was all there was to that. I thought it likely that Jack would bo watchful for n few nights. That wager of $."500 would have a tendency !u that direction. He might even have a suspicion. So I waited a week. Tho night I selected was the darkest one T had ever known. Tho rain fell in torrents. I had purchased, from time to time, mid in various places, an outfit that seemed to include all that was necessary. At about midnight I climbed over tho alley fence and proceeded to light my dark lantern or rather proceeded to try. To my intense disgust every match I had was so thoroughly water soaked that ignition proved absolutely impossible. I threw away the dark lantern ; I had to. I moved carefully onward towards tho house and stepped nud stumbled onto and over every imaginable sort of rubbish and debris. I found a basement window unfas tened absolutely unfastened. I hadn't thought of a thing liko that. The circumstances almost took my breafh away. I wondered, rather resentfully, if Jack had left it so on purpose if this meant a task of some sort for me. It was really unfortunate to have tho work made so ensy for me. I had some $8 or 1 10 dollars' worth of tools, all needless now, in one of my pockets. I took them out, threw them aside and opened the window. I slipped in and let myself down as far as I could, while holding on with my hands. I swung my leg around searclnngly but carefully. A fellow wouldn't want to drop into a tub of water or onto a sleeping dog, even if his best friend was sleeping upstairs and had an easy way of believing all ho heard and for giving nil he suffered. TbuuJ went upstairs. I think I was fully an hour in get ting to the door in which I expected to find Jack's .box. And I hadn't found a locked door anywhere. I had, however, found more furniture, in the dark, than I should have sup posed was needed in tho eutiro thir teen houses in the row. The door was not even closed ; it stood wide open. Ami inside I could hear the slow, rhythmical breathing of the sleeping individual against whom the night attack was planned. There were several reasons for being glad that Jack's wife was absent at the seashore, and not the least important one was the fact I feared I should break down and surrender before I hail finished the job I had in hand. I thought of the revolver Jack had men tioned, and my blood rau cold. I sank noiselessly down upon my hands ami knees and began n voyage of dis covery. I discovered a chair with my head! I hurt my shoulder on n table. Jack had evidently been extravagant in the way of getting new furniture ami eccentric in the matter of placing it. After time, however, I reached the dressing table ; I got my h ind on the big square box. Just then the in m turned over, lie breathed as a mail never did wh -n asleep. Then he seemed listening in tently, f heard him raise hims"ll' up on his elbows. A movement he made was dreadfully suggestive of the stea' thy withdrawal of a weapon from be neath a pillow. I remained standing, and in a most unpleasant posture, for so long a time that 1 wondered vaguely if the cur tains were not s thick as to utt-rly exclude the light of day in iking ex istence there one protracted night. At last the man sank slowly down Upon his bed again. He stretched himself and griinte I luxuriously. Oh, how tired I was! He gradually raised the key and increased the volume of his breath. He was sound asleep again. 1 crawled painfully out o1' the room, tiptoed cautiously downstairs, climbed out of the window, which 1 easily opened from the outside and g ( away from the vicinity of Terrace Park place, while the rain still roared and the darkness was unbroken. When 1 reached my bafchelor quarters I put the precious box on my bureau. 1 un dressed hurriedly and plunged into bed. It was almost noon when I awoke. I came back to my senses very gradually. When I looked about me there was the box. Jack's box -only - only it seemed larger lifferetit and-- T sprang out of bed. 1 rushed over t i where tha thing stood. It it was different. It wasn't Jack's at nil. My limbs shook. My hands trembled violently. I almost fell down under the excitement of the moment. I got out a heavy screwdriver, one of the tools I had bought for my burglarizing exploit, and then decided not to take, and I pried the box open. Diamonds! Diamonds! ft rent gems in the most exquisite settings. Rings, bracelets, necklaces, brooches, earrings! What a glory of flashing beauty ! And I lifted out tray after tray, only to find the tray more and more emphatic the deeper I went. I had to sit down for a few minutes to get my breath ami steady my nerves. I tumbled tho diamonds into the trays; 1 bundled the trays into the box ; I put tho box into a bureau drawer, carelessly scattering a pile o clothing handkerchiefs, stockings, gloves, ties, and so on over it ; I locked tho druwer and dressed as fast as I could. I I must get dow nstairs. I must get down soon. Perhaps every ono I met would read my secret in my face ; no matter. I must take that risk. Thero was not the slightest allusion in the newspapers to the theft of which I had been guilty not a single line. I was disappointed, in much the same wny a man sentenced to bo hanged would bo if they postponed his execution for a day or two ami neglected to speak to him about it. The mail con tained an urgent invitation from Jack to conns and lunch with him. I must soe Jack ; I must look into his eyes; could it bo that he had bought or bor rowed those gems? I arrived at Atherton's live minutes before the time he had mimed. One look into his face convinced me of one thing he didn't suspect mo of being in the house tho night beforo ; he knew nothing of what I had done. Ho asked mo up to his room. I went readily eagerly but like a mnu in a drenm. Tho box he had brought dow n to show me still stood on his dressing-case. He laid his innd on it and called my attention to it. "And I was out of the city last night," he said, "and thieves might have had their owu way with it." There was only ono solution. De ceived by the night, tho storm, the ap pearance of tho buildings at tho back. j I had failed to enter Xo. 7. I had : robbed one of Jack's neighbors. I couldn't give a reasonable choioo be ! tween Xo. ) and Xo. 8. I managed to get an excuse for go ing into a new room and looking out j into Atherton's back yard. I had, from that point of vantage, a good ' view of the back yards of his two next i door nei glib irs. They had n revehi- tioiis to m ike. Oil1 w is full of the sort of rubbish which ha I imp -del my progress and handicapped my niove- in 'ills; so was tho oth-r. Iloth gates ! in th tight board fen ;. at the rear i . .... were ai-rangea to op. mi easily troni the inside. 1 could get no view at nil from eith -r one of the window that corresponded with the board one in Jack Atherton's domain. The whole business constituted a most madden ing puzzle. Within n week I hid found a man whi knew ii man who knew Lawrence, who live 1 in li Terrace Park. A sc ries of "progressive introductions" made nie acquainted with him. When his family came home he invited me to dinner. I accepted, went, had n thor oughly enjoyable time, and found Miss VI le Vinton, Mrs. L iwrence's sister, t!i most c!i irming woaii'i I h id ever met. It to ik longer t i get acquainted with Mr. Kingdon. There were more m ui in the eh lir. consisting of the "man who knew the man who knew the man," Ac., in his case. On the whole, however. I liked him better II" w;is genial, opeiihearted, witty, quick at repartee. I became almost us frequent a eiller at his house as at Jack Atherton's. I entertain him fre quently at 1 1 1 v club or at some hotel. Strangely enough. I never invited L iwreiiei' to my boarding house. Possibly I w is becoming dissatisfied with boarding house life--siiiee I met Adelo Vinton. Yes, I was nt Lawrence's more fre qu 1 1 1 1 v than at Kingdon's. Hut Law rence was n it the chief attraction. He was a gentleman, to be sure, but reserved almost haughty, very pre cise ami matt -r of fact in his lan guage mid of great gravity and un bending dignity. I didn't like him; though I got into a frame of mind such tint the dearest w ish of my heart was to h ive him for a brother-in-law. King lo;i took in e to his place of biisim-sH in the city a cosy little otfiee iu which he loaned money, b night iiudsold real est ite, Ac. Law rence was evidently a gentleman of 1 'isiire. I found out nothing about the din ni uids - notion g. Kingdon's w ife emie home from her summer absotic , made her acquaintance. Indeed, J became one of her most intimate friends. She went away south for the winter. The Lawrences were talking of go tig, w Mini t s I dared think on Adele Vinton's account; waiting until a slow fellow should make up mind to speak. And not a wi.rd ha I been spoken, iu either family, t nit gave me a hint at any possible solution of my dreadful problem. And you know I couldn't very well nsk outright or even hint very strongly. Well, mi:' night in early winter, when the double diflieul ties of my position had kept me awake nut il very late, I was awakened from my first midnight slumber by hearing some body in the room. The man turned to my bureau. My heart seemed pressed almost to burst ing. I grew hot and cold by turns. And still, coerced by some power I could not resist, I waited waited. He opened drawer after drawer, tossing my belongings about in a man ner that wa s oil'eusivo. nud exasperat ing. Then suddenly ho caught sight of the box of dia n imls. Ho caught at it frantic illy. He opened it freu zieilly. Ho gloiitjil over tho wealth it cont lined. "Tho Fortescuo diamonds again !" ho said. "They are mine again ! I'll take care they don't get. into the hands of some other of the midnight frater nity after this. I'd quite as soon tho Fortescue woman should have them back again as to h ive f i admit there are thieves more skilful than I am." He spoke guardedly, he spoke low; he muttered his words rather than ar ticulated them. Hut I kivw his voice. I shut my eyes entirely. I let the ras cal go unharmed and unchallenged, lint in the morning I wrote a lino or two on my typewriter. I addressed it by means of the same machine to the chief of police. I mailed it myself in a letter-box, far from my own place of abode or any other locality connected with tho affair. It was an anonymous letter, mid afforded no clue to the sender. But it told where the Fortes cue diamond could probably be re covered. The police noted on the hint. The man, a professional criminal, was taken at a disadvantage. Never theless, ho made a brave light uud ! officers had to shoot - shot him dead. Ho had one hiitid on the box of dia monds when ho went down, his owu weapon empty, with a half-doon bullet-holes through him. His wife, a greater criminal than h", if that was possible, was more fortunate; she killed one of th- others who at tempted her arrest ; she had the satis faction of killing herself! The Lawrences! Uy im ineins. The Kingdom w-ero the criminals. And Adele writes her last name Dantaii instead of Yinoii. And if she ever heard of the Fortescue dia monds at nil, a thing I sometimes think is exceedingly unlikely, since the police had little to say regarding their recovery nt l! Terrace Park place, after the tragic death of the tenant, she doesn't suspect that they were stolen three times, ami that she mar ried the man who was guilty once. Chicago Xews. CHIIIMtEVS COMMIX. iMHUtl lis ami ni-v;T.e.s. The harrier is a small foxdiound averaging about the incites less in height. It is used to some extent in fox-hunting, but principally in hunt ing the hare. If harriers are kept for hares it is said to injure them to us" them for any other game. There are comparatively few of them in America. A still smaller hound is the beagle Vi or 1 I inches high. This is the smallest of the hunting dogs. He used to be employed in chasing hares in F.ug l.nid, but in this he baa been almost entirely superseded by the harrier. Tn this country In- is becoming quite popular, as he is admirably adapted for chasing thcAimricnti rabbit, which is not nearly so Meet as the I'.uglish hare. Iu general iippivminc" the beagle is like the foxhound, though the ears of the beagle are longer, and he has a slight brush mi his tail. His voice is particularly musical, and be fore the fox-hound became so fast, a few beagles used to be kept w ith every pack, us a hand of mu-ic is kept with a regiment of soldier. A boy liv ing iu the country where rabbits abound would get no end of sport out of one or two beagles. Harper's Young People. ir i; am ii s. Many kinds of birds indulge in curi ous aerial performance during the mating and breedin:; season. Some of the best-known instances are those of the night-hawk, the woodcock and the snipe. Mr. K, W. Nelson, iu his "Hiiils of Alaska," say that the pin tail duck has some very p. culiar hab its of this kind. He once mw a pair mm into the air and start off, the male iu full chase af ter the female, at a marvelous rate of speed. Hack and forth they went, with frequent quick turns, now almost out of sight overhead, now skimming along the ground in an involved course very difficult for the eye to follow. Soon a second male joined in the chase, then a third, and so on, till six males were vying with i nch other in the pursuit. The original pursuer seemed to be the only ono capable of keeping close to the coy female, and ven he, from her dexterous turns and curves, was able to draw near only at intervals. Then ho always passed under her, and kepi so close to her that the two pairs of wings clattered together with u noise like a watchman's rattle, and audible a long distance. The chase lasted for half an hour. One by one the males dropped oil', till finally hut one of tle iu -the original one, Mr. Nelson believes wiih left. Then the pair settled into one of tho ponds. At other times Mr. Nelson saw a female, when pursued iu this wav by several males, plunge under water nt full speed and suddenly take wing again a few yards beyond, tho males all the while after her. Tho pin-tail has also a habit, dur ing the mating so. isoii, of descending from a great altitude at an angle of about 4Tt degrees, with the wings stiflly outspread an I slightly curved downward. The bird is frequently so high that the noise produced by its passage through tli air is heard for 15 or 20 seconds be:,. re tho bird comes into si;: lit. He descends with meteer like swift ness till he is within a few yards of the ground, when a slight eh.ingo in the position of the wings sends him gliding aw ay close to th" ground from 200 to .'bill yard) without a wing stroke. The sound produced by this swift pai-.ii.te through the air can only be compared to the r ishing of a gale through tree-tops. At first it is like a murmur; then it rise'; to a hiss, niul aa the bird sweeps bv it is almost a iiMir. IVout h' Co; ii pa u ion. BANK FISHIXG. A Business in Which 10,000 Per sons Are Engaged. CatchintT Markerol and Codfish Wit h Trawls. How many of the thousands, yes, millions, who enjoy the luscious mack erel niul the ll.iky cod realize what the capture of these sea fish mentis to the fisherman, and what a demand that same fishing makes upon capital, n'd often upon life. A season's fishing on the liank is liy no means the pleas ant est life one can spend, and yet it is conservatively estimated that there are 10,000 men and boys so employed each year. Hank tidiing during th" past year has li.it been such a success as it might have been, although the seafaring peo ple who follow it I'm-a livelihood expec ted that great hauls would be brought in, and that a great ileal of money would be made, both by themselves and their employers; but their hopes have not been realized. Compared with the previous year t h I'e have been more fish caught, but tin y were of an inferior quality, and consequently less money was paid for th- ni in the market and so about tin- s-ime average was made. The tleorges liank, and what is known as "The Chimin 1," are where the schooners go mostly for fresh fish, lieorges is situated about southeast by ea-t, ISO miles from Cipe nn lights, and " The Channel" is about seventy miles oil' Cape Cod. In the summer tinu, b.-fore the boats start out to the lishjng ground a large quantity of ice is put -ci board to preserve the fish, as tie- boats arc out from ten to fourteen das. At Piat liin of the year, then' is usually a tleet of about PW vessels, ranging from thirty tons to 150 tons ni- ii-uic-ni -nt, making their headquarters en the west-ru edge of the South Channel, and fishing there the entire summer foe what is known to th - tishmaii as gr.-un I ti -.Ii," n unely, cod. haddock, halibut, and hake. As the summer advances tie- fish gradually leave this bank, and in einlv fall the tb-et makes its way to ( -urges Bank and fishes there until spring, lvich schooner is supplied with dories, according to her sie, the largest ol'lhoiu carrying ten. live on each sid" of the boat, packed one inside the others. The Hostoii schooner Nellie I'ixon curried n crew of twenty -three men, all told, twenty of them being out in the dories, and the remaining three th" captain, cook, and one hand being left to take care of the ship. Kieh dory is supplied with trawls which are simply lines with about 1,00 ) honks fastened to them at inter vals of about a fathom and a siniitl tub of bait enough to lust them nil day. The trawls are always set with the tide, one man pulling the boat and the other in the stern, casting out the trawl. When it h is been out about nu hour it is hauled oil' and the hooks re baited, ready to he put out again. The work is repeated over ami over again until dark, or in long ns the weather is good nud clear. Wh-Ij the fishing is going on. the men on board the ves sel arc preparing the deck and hold for the tidi. On the arrival of a dory alongside, the li di are counted out by the skipper, and the number crediteil to the men who had caught them. After the tish arc cleaned they are put below and packed in ice. This work Is kept up until th-- vcsHi l has a good catch. She then s iils for hoin -. Afti r arriving at her destination the tish are sold ami taken ashore, and the ship is cleaned, ready for another trip. Hoston Herald. Fancy I'igeoii l.reeilliig. The breedin? of fancy pigeons is becoming more popular than it lias ever been hit'i -ilo. Over in Pulu more this week and next th. re is going to be a great show of the.,e b-rds one of tin-most important exhibitions of the kind ever given. Am.e. the pigeons show n will be thirteen fur bits, for wh eh th o v.i pu 1 VIM. They are th prooertv of Mr. Lever ing, the coffee millionaire, who is a famous ani.it -ur fancier iu that kind of stock. Next in point of expensive nous to "l-.r.bit " coin' 'pouters," which cost .-"i 1 it piir for liist-rat" ones. Aft r th -tn follow th" "sati ettes" and "bl-ui lin.-t t -., " ... called on account of their pe -uliar plumage. During th- la ! few years the homing pigeons h ive b -en pr.ipagai -d to such nil extent th-it th'-y can now be bought for as small a price ns common pigeons. of emirs' pig-om which have records of ."oo mib-s or more fetch exceptional prices. !ut it is an actual fact that more than half of the birds now used for shooting matches are homers. Seems a shame, does it EOt? The animals of nil sorts which are collected Hear Washington by boys and sold to me, 1 dispose of partly by s -inlmg them to other cities - Phila delphia, New York, Chicago, and else where. Mocking birds 1 get from Texas mostly. Parrots are about the riskiest g Is that 1 have to handle. Not long ago I employed u man to purchase -if'ioo worth of yellow-hemled parrots iu Mexico. So many of them died that 1 only received 70 "irtlie survivors. The greatest difliculiy with them is water. For some reason Hot vi ry well undcrst iod, the water to be had in this country does iu1 suit im ported parrots, nud commonly it is necessnrv to moid giving it to them although for a while, using soaked j food as a substitute. If one parrot in j a consignment dies, tie- whole lot is likely to perish within a few days, and nothing can be done to stay the ! mischief, A good talker is worth ; s?1 on. Washington Post. "T.g," Wouldn't lnqi It. "The hern of my story," he begun, j "and he was a hero of the tirst water, was an Arkansas fanner who sailed nn der the honorable name of Miller. Of : course you all allow that in Arkansas ' it i against the law of tic common- ! wealth to use dynamite ill the public waters. Well, to hurry through th" : statement of the ease, a lot of ns came ' to the conclusion that if we wanted to make a big haul of ti.h it would bo necessary to use a little force. Ac cordingly dynamite bombs were se cured, and we asked Miller to go up stream nud throw the bombs in, while we, his guests, would gather at a ford a few rods down and secure the limit ing fish. Miller, accompanied by a highly-educated water spaniel, went the bank, and prepared for his attack upon the di-nieus of the water, lie hurled one missile, fuse attached, into the stream. Ai. instant" later his dog w is iu the water, and in a tumiicnt he hiil the bomb iii his mouth, swim ming for the shore. " 'Drnp it, Tige !' shout. .1 the far mer. 'I Irnp it. I say !' Hut the dog would not obey, lie swam wildly forward and iu twenty seconds had landed. Miller stinted to run, the dog coining after him at a breakneck gait. Miller ran toward the fishermen below. They realized the situation iu an instant, and. level ing their guns, warned the fanner to head iu another direction. The situa tion, for nil its seriousness, was the funniest that I ever saw. Miller run wildly down the hill, yelling nt the dog to go buck, " -Stop !' he yelled. 'Drnp it. 'I ige ! Cm home !' Hut the dog only increased his etlbrts to reach his master's side. "Hut the end soon came. The fuse burned its length, and then -- Miller never recovered even the collar of poor Tige."--St. Louis lb-public. How u Iteo Sees. We are so used to regarding the world round us from the standpoint of our own sight tint it is hard to real ize that to other creatures, fur out numbering us and perhaps ipute as important in the economy of nature, it looks quite different. Th" honey bee, for example, i.. supplied with a pair of compound eyes with hundreds of facets, eii 'li capable of sight by it self, and sever il occ Hi or little, sim ple eyes more closely allied to our own. How those eyes are used, what are their separate fun. tioiis, what soil of images they can present to their owners, all remains questions as inter esting and well-nigh unsolved as they were before the days of our powerful microscopes. Notwithstanding the fact that hundreds of entomologists have been and are inteiesli-d in this subject wi yet are only at the stage where we can aliii.il that the honey bee sees n very dill, ii :it ll.'Wi-r from the one in which w ob-i-rvc In r iu search for sweets, although of what that difference is ami how it is pro duced wo o. in form hill little idea. Chicago Times. The A'licriciri Face. This much might be said respecting the typical meiieaii luce: That the prominent nose, the slopin ; for. hi nd, the fairly large mouth, the full eyes and predominance of tl val typo, the natural characteristics of an ng- grossive. talented and -.hro'.vd people, , aggressive in manners, but keenly j alive to tin- main chance. It is a com posite In" ', made up of qualities taken from Puritan, l'uglish. Scotch and ftcrmau sources. - j Ladies' Home Journal. Kcau'on Is iiHIi, Drown -Why. Jones is hi vrrv economical th it he won't ien indole about any thing ! llobi-.soii Whit does he save bv that -his time? Drown -No! His brent h ! -Hello. The Idly. A 'iH snl. I to n threat! -iiing -'l-ni.t, W'hi.-li in stern-st garh nrriivi-l him : You have taken my lord the sun away, Ami 1 know not where von have laid liini." So it folded its leaves and tn-ml'le-l s.-re, As the hours of darkness passed it. Put at morn, liken l-lrd in lienaty sleum, f. r with pearl- the dew had dressed it. I h-'ii ii f --It a-h.-ene 1 or its fretful thought n l f.-ihi in the .last would hid" it, for tin- uichtof w-eopimj had jewels brought. Which the pride of the day denied it. Vnldosta ,tiii. ) Telescope. iumi tutors. Foul language Chicken talk. Consolidation of business interests is usually a capital idea. No amount of advice or persuasion seems to be callable of turning a crank. Miss Hud. 1 -"What kind of a man do v.. u like?" Miss Sereleaf "A real live one." A llrooUyti man calls his employer a is venue cutb r because he is reduc ing -alarj.-s. Why does Henpect call his wife an anarchist?" "la-cause she is constantly blowing him up, " It argues no lick of ability in n boy that In- doesn't make an opening for himself by going skating on too thin ice "Life," exclaimed the tiiiin who en joys being a misanthrope, "is nothing but one long struggle for a ehuuk of ice or a lump of coal. " Ada -"Why does Clara speak of ( i. org - ns 'her intended'? Are they engaged?" Alice "Xo. but she in tends that 1lioy shall be." Tommy -"Which is right stullin' or dressin'V" Jimmy "It's dressin' wlo-n it's on the plate, nud stnllin' af t r you have swalh-rcd it." "I don't b. live those yarns about Flinders striking his wife, do you?" "Not a bit. He hasn't courage enough even to strike an attitude." "My friend." s-iid a doctor to his Irish p.itieiii, '-be composed; we must nil dii e. " "An" it's that vexes nie." replied Pat. "If it were more than mist, sure I'd be nisy enough." Piiii'.-.s,,!- "What is the circum ference of the earth?" Student -'Twenty-four thousand miles." Pro fessor "How do you tiud this dis t inee.J" S'mleiil "I find il immense.' W hy is Miss Antique so anxious to meet Hilkius? He is poor and has no social standing. " "Yes, but she un derstood that he couldn't talk live minutes without uiing himself away." 'I'll" until who think:- l-e..re he speaks. I'i.s-'ev.-rs with dismai Thai sonic on- els- lias said the thing II- h i. I in iiend I" s iv. Medical I'.xainiiier Have there ever been any symptoms of insanity in your family? Applicant for Insur ance Yes er that is. my sister mice refused a man worth half a mil lion. "I suppose now that you will bn going home to your mother in tlm morning?" "I just won't. I have tried that, and it doesn't seem to .In any good. I 1011 going to bring mother here this time." "There is -no point," said Miss No cash, looking .p from th -ladies' papei , "in which I am nlwavs slncllv fash ionable." "Wli .t's that?" ask,. 1 ,er ni-'th-"'. "I nb-olut y never wear diamonds iu the morning." Music teacher "From your daugh ter's voice, ma. lain, I cannot promise that she w ill be great prima donna." Mm -, tiainmes -"Oh, I am so sorry.'' Music t -aeli.-r "Iblt do not despair, liia laui : I observe that she has a fear ful temper. " Aunt .lane "Hob, dear, won't you try to be 11 real good boy today?'' l!ob "I will, niiuty, for a quarter." Aunt June "Why, Hob! you wish pay for being g I?" I!,,b "Well, utility, dear, yon wouldn't have nie good for nothing, would you? Interviewer - "I asked Assembly man Sevcneights this afternoon whom bethought the greatest men in tluH country." Kditor - "What did he say?" Interviewer "That that was a matter upon which his constituents were more competent to speak than himself." Young Mr. Fitts "That pie ymi gave to the Commercial Club for the poor has been one- of the most success ful contributions of the year." Young Mi", Fids "Indeed?" "Yes, indeed. It has been present ed to no less than seven poor families bo far." Flsie "Yesterday morning I gavo a poor tramp those nice biscuits I made for breakfast and I told him if he came back i.i the evening I would give him some dinner." Jack "What did yon give him for dinner?"' Elsie "He didn't come back.

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