(Chatham lccova.
Chatham Record.
II. LONDON,
ED1T0II AND PROPRIETOR.
HATES
ADVERTISING
URMS OF SUBSCRIPTION,
One square, one insertion
One square, two insertions
Odb square, one month
ll.Ot
l.se
$1.50 PER YEAR
Strictly in Advance.
Fur largar advertisements liberal ceo
raoU will be made.
VOL. XVI.
PlTTSBOkO CHATHAM CO., N. C, JUNK 7, 181)4.
J
vn in n u
NO. 41.
Tn Mentions.
Ab, If sho greets you with a smile
Klin wears for you alone.
Ami lingers oVr your name nwhili)
With Hoft, caressing ton;
If in hnr eyes thorn shines a light
Now tender, now demure
Hho loves you !
Ah, sho loves you!
Of that you may be sure.
Or, If she has no use for you,
And lets you plainly see,
Whatovor you may say or do,
Hmv "horrid" nh can be;
Ami If your trontinont in much worse
Than other irn endure
Klie loves you !
All, she loves you !
Of that you may be sure.
But if she's frimidly and polite,
No matter when1 or when.
Ami greets you with the mild delight
Kim shows for i it her men ;
No warmth or eoMuos iu her air,
You'd bo'.tor seek A I'liri' -
Kln love you li"t!
Kin' loves you imt !
Of that you may ho nun.
--riiilHiloli.hlal-ifo.
A NEIGHBOR.
"This in such a pretty flit I" said
Mrs. Itrynnt, enthusiastically, a- she
went it iiinl down (ho five little rooms
wliii'h wore to lie the first home of her
married iif.
"I like u 1 up ll it," she continued;
"it is ho much lighter, anil lho nir
seems bettor ti hero. "
"You 'will miss the elm-shaded
street lie fore your old homo in Greon
wieli," said her IiuhIhiuiI.
"Oil, never juin.l tint!" shi re
jilioil. "Our parlor windows here
look on t on a grout many troetops,
mill 1 can place inv rocking chair so
lis not to see the hoiisu roof:-, Imt only
the trei-H above tlieui,"
'How ulioiit the hack windows?" lie
asked, ith u iloiilitful smile, ns h"
glanced down upon tin1 smut1, bnrren
inclosiire culled a yard, and then
across nt the. rear window of other
Huts which fronted on the next street.
"Oil! I nee children nt some win
dows, mid birds in ot'jers, mi l there
is it dear old laily just opposite. Those
are our neighbors. But, Fred, look
here! Here is n little lnleoliy reach
inn from our nidi' diuinj-rooin window
ncrosM the narrow space to tlio window
of the next building. Why in that?"
"That is n tiro cs;'uje, so t lint in case
of ft lire we can make a dash for lib
erty over through the other people's
window, oi wo that they can flee over
to its."
"Then we lire not hero to help each
other. We might to bo friends," she
said, looking wistfully at the opposite
window whoso curtain was closely
drnwn.
"Not much friendship between
Huts!" commented hor liiubnii'l.
"City folkw distrust chance acquaint
ance, mid we must lm careful our
selves. There might bo a forger living
below us, and a gambler across, from
us. We can't take chances. "
Hut when Lucy Bryant's pretty
rooms were Ki ttled and mado home
like, mid her huppy duily routine be
gun, ns she. sat in the sunny dining
room with her Hewing she used often
to wonder about th.i neighbor across
the lire escape, and think how very
easily they could exchange greetings
if they wero acquainted.
Sometime tlio neighbor opened her
window for a moment to act out a bot
tle of milk or a covered puil ; but she
never by any chiiuee glanced across,
and hIio retired as quickly as possible.
Sometimes the curtain wax raised as if
to admit light, nnd Iiiicy was tempted
to look at the prettily act dining table,
the marble clock nnd the little Hewing
stand. Oueo ns alio stood a moment
making out the subject of an engrav
ing over tho mantel, the neighbor, a
tall, slender, bright-eyed woman,
stepped swiftly from Homo corner and
pulled the curtain down with a vigor
that sent Lucy blushing to the furthest
part of iier little flat.
"She ti. night mo inqmstive, she
said, hotly to herself; "alio doesn't
ki.o-v how I miss having neighbors.
I never knew before, how lonely ono
can bo in n crowd."
s a sort of miito apology, Lucy
now often left near her dining room
window a stand with fruit or ilowcrs
upon it, uu open book or a bit of
work, and put her curtain high; so
that if tho unknown lady looked, she
might hoo tho wns no hostility, no
avoidance of a neighborly glance.
When spring cmo tho venders
brought (lowering plantH in wagons to
the city streets for sale; and Lucy,
taking a walk one day, Beized upon n
thrifty young geranium with jiink
buds and bore it up to her high nest,
putting it in her parlor window as a
surprise for Fred.
Tho next morning, entering lho
dining room, Lucy saw on the tire es
cape in frout of hor neighbor's win
dow a lino begonia in a pot, well wat
ered and enjoying tho sun.
"She loves flowers," thought Lucy,
exultantly. "I'll reply to lier begonia
with my geranium."
So out went the geranium, and per
haps it held flower talk with the bogo
nis ; but tho owners seemed no nearer
acquaintance than boforo ; for, rise us
early ns Lucy might, the begonia had
always been wittered and tho curtain
was down.
Ono day in Into June something was
going ou in tho neighboring flat. The
curtain was up, tlio window open, and
Lucy, with a rapid glance, caught,
sight of a trunk packed and strapped,
and an open valise. An hour after an
expresa wagon stood iu front of tho
building, and a quantity of baggage
was placed upon it.
"They have goco on a vneation
trip," thought Lucy ; "and now I shall
not know my neighbor before fall, and
pel Imps never at nil."
But sho reckoned without tho
begonia. The morning following there
stood the helpless begonia before the
closed-curtained window as usual; but
tho earth about it was dry, and tho
green leaves wero drooping in the
summer sun.
Lucy's heart leaped.
"Fred," she exclaimed gaily, "my
opportunity la come! She has left
her begun in, and I can water it."
"You'd better not movo it," said
Fred. "She may comu back tumor
row and accuse you of meddling."
"Well, I cm reach over," said
Lucy, and half climbing out on the
balcony, she watered the plant pro
fusely. Morning and night hIio nt
teii del to it; for tho weather was sul
try, and tho earth dried very fast.
Sometimes she. even watered it by
moonlight, when ah.- hid forgotten it
or been away at sunset.
One, two, throe weeks went by.
"I do hop ," thought Lu-y, "Hint,
she will come luck before we go away
ourselves, or she will novor know how
1 tried to save h-r flower for her."
In four weeks the neighbor returned,
and the begonia, grown to double it
former size nnd filled with delicate
bloom, must lnvn been the lirst thing
she saw when she opened her dining
room window. lint Lucy was not.
there at the happy moment, and there
was no proffered recognition.
Her innocent plotting was not yet
done. Fred's vaeution began early in
August, and they were going to Green
wich to enjoy it. Their trunks wero
ready, and they were awaiting the
hour to go. Lucy went to the win
dow to water her geianiiiiii.
"I w.is going to take it home," alio
said, "it is ho pretty now, with its
pink blossoms, like a little rose tree
full of r ises. But 1 have decided to
leave it for a messige to my neighbor.
I shall put it over near her begonia
without snying a word, and leave it to
plead for itself."
"You'll never aee it again," pro
phesied her husband. Hut alio pushed
it across the balcony and closed thu
window.
"I am not afraid," she said.
A happy month (lew quickly by in
t!i" old home iu Greenwich. Early iu
September the Bryants, recruited iu
health and spirits, foiiud themselves
iigiin climbing the stain nnd entering
th little top flat. Fred began to
make a fire, and Lucy wound tho
clock.
"It seems good to be in our own
little home again," sliOHuid; mid then,
with sudden recollection, sho turned
to the dining-room w indow to look out
on tlio balcony.
Ah! she caught her iu the act I The
tall, slender, bright-eyed neighbor had
her window open and was watering the
geranium.
Tlio two women looked into each
other's eyes and smiled. Lucy reach
ing out her hands, received her beau
tiful plant thriftier thus ever, and
more full of bloom.
"I knew you had ministered to my
begonia," said tho neighbor, "und I
was glad to do something for you in
return."
"Wait a minute," said Lucy, "I
want to give you a liu-.dful of sweet
peas from my mother's garden."
"J had ft mother and ft garden once,"
said tho neighbor, her oyes softening
as sho took the flowers. A few more
words followed on each Hide, and then
tho little interview wns over.
"But we are noighbors now?" asked
Lucy, wistfully, as she raised her
hand to lower the window.
"Yes, neighbors now!" said the
other heartily.
"Well, you have succeeded nt last,"
said Fred, with a laugh, as Lucy came
to him whero ho stood listening.
She smiled happily. Sho had gained
her wish; sho had overcome city bar
riers ; sho had gono about it in her
own way, ami at last sho had a neigh
bor. Tho Independent.
Only ono-foiirth of the American
shipping is engaged on tho high seas,
77 per cent, being river, lake and
coasting trade.
A Vonder rf Ti !n!i-7.
Nelly is au elephant such hkoiio sees
only once iu a long time. She is at
proscut nppenring at the Circus Ken,
in Vienna, where she produces a great
er effect than all tho fancy riders and
professors of the huute eeolc, bo they
beautiful as houris of lltthunu-t's para
dise. Nelly is certainly a wonder of train
ing, for two years ago she was running
wild in tho jungles of Burundi, ami to
day sho can accomplish the most, won
derful feats with ease, and apparently
does them with pleasure.
Tho Vienneso say of her that sho
does things which wero heretofore sup
posed possible only for those elephants
created by tho skillful pencil of Ober
lander, tho amusing artist of Fliegendo
Blaetter.
Nelly is accompanied iu nil her
"numbers" by u diminutive Bouni'i
nian horse mimed lloseo. He serves
in the foil to show oil' tin: immense
size of the brilliant pachyderm, and
participates iu all the dangers of "fool
ing with an elephant" with that philo
sophic air peculiar of his kind.
To sec Nelly gravely playing at see
saw with Boscfi on ft plank specially
prepared for the occasion is a sight
never to bo forgotten. Anon Nelly
lies down and Boscn jumps over her
mountainous back, while she trumpets
her appreciation of his skill in leaping.
Now Bosco falls as if dead, and Nelly
sets out as if about to step upon and
crush him. But when sho roaches her
pri.strato comrade sho gently caresses
him a moment with ono ponderous
paw, then stops cart-fully over him and
proceeds on her way with that naive
air which elephants, always assume
when they are showing otf.
Nelly's "('oniric" siys that sho
thinks ns much as n human being does,
and that site seizes an idea as readily
as any bright ch Id can catch it. Chi
cago Times.
Monarch of Poisonous Snnkes.
A monarch among poisonous snakes
is the enormous hamnudryns, which
grows to be as much ns fourteen feet
iu length, and is so fierce thnt it will
sometimes attack and even chiuio any
one who ventures near its nest. Na
tive snake-charmers, who will handle
the fiercest cobras fearlessly, nre usual
ly loath to touch a hnniadryiis, though
I have invasion illy seen a luro speci
men of this venomous reptile iu their
bags. It lays its egs iu a heap of de
caying leaves, which it collects for tho
purpose, nnd sits upon the top to keep
oil' intruders. A road through tho
jungle w ill sometimes be closed n.niuut
all comers by n pair of thesu snakes,
and woe betido tho unfortunate trav
eler who stumbles unawares upon tho
nest. The hamadryas feeds largely
upon other snakes, but it is fortunate
ly somewhat rare. Curiously enough,
it is not always aggressive. Indeed,
it sometimes happens that it. is quite
unwilling to strike. Superficially it
is not unlike a harmless rock snake;
and not long ago, in Burnish, a man
brought one iu from the juuglo und
kept it looso iu his houno for some
days, under the impression thst it was
ono of these creatures. During the
whole of its captivity it never attempt
ed to bite anyone, and its captor, who
hud been familiarly pulling it about
by tho tail, was only apprised of his
mistake by a forest officer who hap
pened to turn up nnd who knew n
good deal about snakes. It is easy to
imagine the haste with which thu ama
teur siiiike-charmer proceeded to dis
pose of his captive. St. Louis Star
Say ings.
All Item in lsoi.
A wave of great meu (or babies thulr
were destined to become great) seems
to have swept over the world in INO',1.
Why they wero precipitated upon the
world during thnt pirticulnr year will,
perhnps, never bo known, but it is a
fact that tho following named historic
al personages count it as their birth
yenr, Lincoln, Gladstone, Darwin,
Edgar Allan I'oe, Cyrus MeCoriniek,
Benjamin Fierce, Alfred Tennyson,
Mark Lemon, Jules Fnvre, Raphael
Semms, Albert Tike and Oliver Wen
dell Holmes. It has been asserted
that Jefferson Dnvis was born in 1HU11,
but I find it was iu 1808. St. Louis
Republic.
Worked the Wrens Wnj.
Kitty I thought I would give Jack
Ford a hint that it was getting late, ho
I ordered iu the coffee at 10 o'clock.
Bessie And of conrso he went as
soon as ho had drank it?
Kitty No ; ho n.iid it made him so
wakeful that ho felt as if he could sit
up all night. New York World.
The codfish is the most prolific, fish
of the sea, yielding 45,000,000 eggs
each season. As many as 8,000,000,
0,000,000 and even 1,500,000 eggs
have been found in a roo of a singio
codfish.
( iiainii- NS ( Ob!- i
how a .sijriuitKi, iiru'r.i' sr.i.i. a i'a' m.
Mr. Nasoli wished to buy a Mil ill
fur m where ho could take his family
from the heat of the city iu tho long
days of summer.
"We want ft place that has some
nice fruit trees on it," he said to his
little Jaiuii', whom he hud taken along
with him. "And I should like a
brook quite near the house, so
that, you children could nil hive
many plays by it. 'I'ln re is u pretty
place," he added, as he glanced up the
road.
"Hut we're Leing watched from the
corner of that burn," said Jamie, with
a bright twinkle iu his eyes.
'lust where?" asked his father, ns
he stopped the horse and g.-ized in
wonder. "But 1 hear a brook run
ning over tin; stones down there to
the right ; that is one tine discovery."
And then Ihmv merrily papa laughed
when he looked here Jamie pointed!
Bight on a piece of board that was
nailed on the sid" of the barn, across
the road from tho farmhouse, sat a
cute little squirrel, with his tail turned
up over his back.
"It says something on the board.
Guess it's 'l-'iiriu for Sale!'" cried
Jamie, ns lie chipped his halldi ill de
light. He was right.
"And the 1 1-n it must be good lu re,
by the way tb it the squirrel seems to
enjoy it," suid .Mr, Nason. "There
must have been a very kind family
living here, or the squirrel wouldn't he
so tame."
"You're rijjlit about that," said a
man, as he eame out of the barn.
"The children were all good to the
birds and nil such thing., and they'd
never have thought of selling th place
if their f itln-r ha lu'l died last spring
nnd they lireii obliged to go and live
with an uncle of theirs in the city."
The place was purchas 'd tint very
autumn, and "Squirrel Farm" was the
name that they gave it. American Agriculturist.
Tin: riiisr hi:a;i.
No one was better liked at t!e
World's Fair than the blue-eyed young
Scandinavian guide iu the Lipland
village. While his lady visitors were
inside the Winter Hut examining
specimens of Lapp babyhood, he
would sit on the bench outside and re
count to a m-isciiliue niidieiicu his ad
ventures in the hind of' small people
and big snows, writes Forrest (Visscy,
in tho St. Louis Republic.
Among these laphind stories was one
of his return from a successful bear
hunt while living among the mountain
Lapps, who nre the hunters of the
country, a story which furnishes one
proof more that, practical jukes arc en
joyed greatly by primitive peoples.
"I hail killed my first bear,"he said,
"and naturally was very proud of tho
fact. My host, who had helped me in
the feat, seemed to share iu my i ir.hu
siasni. More than that, he assured mo
tho whole village Weill 1 be equally
elated, and that thou.-h 1 was a stran
ger they would celebrate my success
necording to the ancient custom of the
hunting Lapps.
"When we had ascended the moun
tain to a distance near enough to 111"
camp to allow its occupants to hear u
gunshot, lie disch irg 'd his rifle oueo
iu the air. ThiH was, he explained, a
signal that I had killed the bear.
"Coming nearer to the camp we saw
signs of commotion. Our signal had
been heard. Preparations were mak
ing for mir triumphant return.
"To ho made out a hero was a new
experience to me, as I had spent most
of my life up to that time in Sweden
attending school. Both my pride and
curiosity were aroused.
"My companion instructed me how
to carry out my part of the established
usage. I should go nt once to his hut,
tho central but in the camp, put my
hend in the smnll opening and inform
those inside that 1 had killed a bear
my first bear.
"Ofcoiirso I determined to carry
out the formalities to the letter. Push
ing my head with dilliculty through
the small porthole. I was surprised
to see the hut filled with women, and
all elicwiiifr tender strips of alder bark
us though their lives depended upon
the amount which they could hold
within their cheeks. Before I could
announce my exploit my face was
made a target for the I'ontentsof every
mouth iu the hut, ami I was drenched
in the blood-red juice of the alder
bark, being thus baptised ft '(ircut
Hunter.'
"It was not, however, until I had
washed my face and been assured that
this was n bona tide Laplaud cere
monial which no honorable bear
hunter would forgo thnt I wholly re
covered my good nature; ami I never
did recover nil of the original burden
of pride with which I descended tho
mountain."
A D1VIXIXG ROD.
Its Uses in Auoient anl Modern
Times.
A Famous Spring-Finder's Motlo
of Operation.
The divining rod, often culled the
"Wand of Mercury" and the "R id of
Aaron," is a forked branch, usiiully of
hazel and sometimes of iron or even
brass ami copper, by menus of which,
it isnlhiged, minerals and water may
be discovered beneath tho surface of
the earth. The ancient use of a rod
or wand ns nn instrument of magic in
known to renders of romance. Tho
use of thu rod for mystic purposes is
not, however, confined to fairy tales,
for in the see-red book of tho Hjbrew.s
frequent mention is made of the rod
or staff. In some passages the rod is
represented at the same time as au in -strument
of miracles in the hands of
the Lord ami of magic In the hands of
the evil ono. Jacob agrees with La
ban to keep his flocks, and procured a
breed of strip"!! younglings by iht
mystic, moans of p-vb-d twigs of pop
la , hazel au 1 eV'stntit. Tim two
m st m-euorublo ovents in tae es-npe
of the Childr n ,,f Israel from the Intel
of F..3tyit were the pisriii.fi; throiigli
the midst of the sea hii I the striking
of thu solid rock in lloreb, when wa
ter sprang forth ; both those events
were accomplished by the uso of tho
rod.
In profuno antiquity, besidin the
F.gyptiaiis, the Chaldeans wore skilled
in divination by means of a rod. De
vinatioii was practised by the Scyth
ians, by th" Brahmins of Persia, by
the Brahmins of India. In Greek
mythology, Minerva and Mercury pro
duced th ir miracles by the usi of n
wand. For instance, Minerva, by
touching I'lys-.es with n rod, restores
him to youth, or transfers him into an
old man covered with rags. Tho art
of devinntion was known to tho Ro
mans, whos- priests csrie l theuugur
nl rod. But it was only in tlio fif
teenth century that we lin I the devill
ing rod turned systematically to tho
search of metals. It passed siicccsh
ively from Germany to Flanders,
thence to England. It has frequently
been used for tho discovery of hiddeu
treasures, stolen property, and the
authors of crime.
It was not, however, until the mid
dle of the seventeenth century that
the divining rod was employe. 1 iu the
discovery of wat -r springs. The
question of its cllieaoy for such a pur
pose was proposed by Robert Boyle,
in lfiufi, to the Royal society in Lon
don as a subject for inquiry, and fro in
that day to this thi opinion of man
kind has been divided on the question.
The subject of the divining rod has
been prominently brought before puL
lic uttenliou in tl. - North of Kngliiud
by the presence of one William Stone
belonging to Nortlinmpt nhiro, who
is well known in the South as a tinder
of s rings. Mr. Stone is in posses
sion of numerous testimonial as to
his mysterious gift. Iu his own book
on the subject, he says: "Hardly any
thing has caused more disappointment
nnd loss to owners of property and
others than boring for water supplies
without success. It is therefore tie
nimble that it should be known that
by use of the divining rod or dowsing
twig, iu the ha ids of Mr. Stone, the
location of springs and the direction
of their currents can be ascertained
and the precise spot for boring in
dicated. "The mode of operation is as fol
lows: The divining rod is a V-shaped
twig of hazel, or some such wood.
This is held by the two ends, ono iu
each haul, the point toward the
ground. When Hearing a spring, the
twig will commons.' to vibrate, nnd
upon Mr. Stone standing exactly upon
the site of a strong spring it will turn
over and over until it breaks in bis
grasp. Mr. Stone cm give no ex
planation of the power 111 posiesses,
nnd the c uise of the phenomena must
be left to scientists to decide; but this
he declares most enrdi itieally thai
he is able iu fie manner stated to find
any springs of water that may exist."
-Newcastle, (England), Chronicle.
Buttons en Military t'ni forms.
The inter-relation of the button- on
n uniform is ju.t as much a matter of
regulation as the cut of a coat. The
general wears two rows of buttons on
the breast of his frock coat, twelve in
each row, placed by fours. Tho dis
tance between the rows is Sj inches
nt the top and .1 J inches at the bottom.
The lieutenant general is entitled to
only ten buttons in each row, arrang
eu iu upper and lower groups of three
nnd a middle group of four. Tho tua
jor general has niiio buttons in each
row, placed by threes. Tim brigadier
general eight in groups of twii.
I The colonel, lieutenant colonel and
t
' ninjor have nine buttons in each row
arranged at iqual distances; the cap
tain and lieutenants seven buttons iu
I' each row at equal distances.
There are different designs, of
course, not only for the buttons of
the army, the navy und the marine
corps, but for the different branches
' of the service. There uro tho infan
try, artillery and cavalry buttons, the
engineer's button, the ordnance corps
i button, the button of tho murine
i corps mill the navy button. The navy
button, ly the way, is mule in Fng
l hind, because n-i American manufac
turer has been able to make a bronze
which tlio sea nir will not tarnish. All
of these buttons the army and navy
tailor must keep on hand and sow on
according to regulation.
It is not often thnt an officer is
transferred from one branch of the
service to another, so ho does not
often change his buttons, but passing l
from one grade to another he frequent
ly has to have their arrangement alter
ed. This is one of th smaller expen
ses incidental to a change iu rank. In
tho navy every change m rank means
s new shoulder strap, which costs .".
F.vory nddit ioiial stripe on a coat
sleeve costs .1, and lis there are three
uniform coati in every outfit, the
stripes iuld .-?l" to tho cost of being
promoted. A change in the bar on
an epaulette costs from sld to SI. For
evury two grades, a new full dress
belt must be bought at u Cost of 815.
Tho gold lace on a full dress suit will
not last more than five years nnd it is
renewed at a coht of j?l ".
Tho glory of gold lac and gilt but
tons is gratifying, but it is expensive.
Washington Star.
Early I'sr or Susrnr.
The sugar cane nnd its uses have been
known in India, its native home, from
time immemorial. It is perhaps the
enrliest source from which sugar wns
produced, and all other modes of
manufacture have been borrowed from
or bused on it. The early classical
writer knew sugar vaguely as "honey
of ernes." To the Gieeo-Roiunu world
the sugar cane was tl.e reed which the
swarthy Indians delighted to chew,
und from which they extracted a mys
terious sweetmeat.
It wiittthe Arabs thosegreat carriers
between the East and West ho in
troduced the cane in the Middle Ages
into Egypt, Sicily, and the South of
Spain, where it flourish. -d abundantly
until West Indian slavery drove it out
of the field for a time, nnd sent the
trade in sugar to Jamaica and Cuba.
Naturally, you can n:Tord to undersell
your neighbors when you decline to
pay nny wages to your laborers.
Egypt in n sugnr was carried to London
in Phmtiigeiii't times by the Venetian
fleet, where it was exchanged for wind,
the stnplo product of niediiuval Edg
laud. Early iu the sixteenth century the
pane was taken from Sicily to Muderia
nnd the Canaries. Thence it found
its w.iy to Brazil and Mexico, to Jam
aica and Ilnvti. Cane sugar wns well
known in Italy about the second cen
tury, nnd has been common in Eng
land since the Tudor period. The spa
cious days of great Elmt'ieth had
su jar for their suck ; an l ginger was,
hot i' the mouth, too, as we nil well
remember. Coriihill.
Taking No Itisks.
"Waiter," suid the cautious guest,
"1 see you have cnuvnshack duck on
the bill of faro. Can you warrant it
to bo enuvnsbnek duck?"
"I can, sir," replied the waiter.
"I don't believe it. I see you also
claim to serve tenderloin steaks. Are
thev really tenderloin steaks?"
"l'bey nre."
"It ii simply impossible. There is
onlv one real, genuine tenderloin
steak in n beef, nnd you can't kill a
cow for every mm who calls for a
steak of that kind. Hum -lot mo
see: Broiled red snapper. Sure its
red snapper?"
"Yes, sir."
"I doubt it. You can easily make
Mississippi River btilVulo look like red
snapper. I'm spring lamb, mint
sauce. Old mutton, without a doubt.
Waiter?"
"Yes, sir."
"Bring me sonm fried liver."
Chicago Tribune.
A lb ink for His Highness.
If the baby seems fretful without
reason, try giving it a drink of water.
The water given to a baby ought to bo
boiled and put fresh every morning in
a corked bottle, then sot iu the ice
box to keep cool ; the game might be
said for what adults drink, but it is a
waste of breath to tell them so. The
baby should be givon a spoonful of
cold water a dozen times a day. It
gets thirsty just as often as older poo
yl.v. New York Journal.
Kin; Afpli'-Tree.
Th s:.iitvs Ion.,' I uve villi! the pralsd
(If sweet yuerll Unite;
What glory (Ills her suiniin'r days
The who!" world knows.
Tiieu siii today with praises free
Her royal cousin Apple-tme,
A LitiK well Wurth the nam" Is ho,
The whole world knows.
W h -n llrst the gra.-s grows (friwm anil fair
On field lun brown,
TIs then King Apple-tree will wear
His springtime crown.
Vc wat'di tlm pinky huds unclose,
Kneh Uny flou'"r u perfect rose.
Wh.nt I'looins that shining summer shows
Cnn match this crown?
H" holds his e.nirt In royal state
Th long yenr through :
And he is hravc and strong nnd great,
A good friend, too.
In summer s heat and winter's cold
lie lirinRs us l.hv-ln;s maatfold ;
II" Mils our hnnds with fragrant gold
The long year through.
Youth's Companion.
JI I'M UK 01 S.
Tho baker kneads dough to mnko
bread.
As long ns a woman retains her
maiden mime it is her maiden aim to
change it.
Weary Waggles Why don't you eit
down? Dreary Draggles So I don'l
have to get up.
Doctor You cough more easily thin
morning? Pntirnt I ought to; J
practiced all night.
Tot Mamma, what are sun dogs 5
Small brother (interrupting) I know,
msmmii ; sky terriers.
"It really looks," sighed tho poet,
"ns if 1 had no wiites that anybody
else is bound to respect."
The one point upon which a hen
pecked husband mid his wife agree it
when she wishes she were u liinn.
('arson Seeing is believing. Volkes
Nonsense. I see Wotheroll every
day and 1 wouldn't believe him on hif
oath.
"What nn easy time you men have,"
she said, "I only wish I had been born
a man." "I wish you had! replied
her hushnud. "
He It is endurance, the staying
quality, thnt makes men strong. She
(with a glnnco nt thcclock) You must
be a Hercules.
"(hints aren't any good," said Wil
bur. " 'F I was u. goat I wouldn't
have two horns without learning how
to play ou 'em."
He (exhibiting sketch) It's the
best thing I ever did. Sho (sympn
thetieally) Oh, well, you mustn't let
that discourage you.
Wife Anything new in the sermon
this morning? Husband I guess thero
must have been ; I didn't get to sleep
until it was half over.
If you would know for sure her age,
Ask lint herself or mother;
Just miike a quiet pllgrimag
I nto hnr lillltt brother.
libbs Sweltoli says be isn't afraid
of work. Sa reus Why should he bel
He lit ver got near enough to any to
find out how he'd feel.
Mamma, (as sho is serving thn piu
nt the table) What is au improper
fraction, Johnny? Johnny Anything
less than a quarter, mamma.
"I consider your set much benenth
lue," said the weathercock fowl to tho
one iu the barnyard. "You're a vano
thing!" was the quick retort.
lie They met at the seaside. Then
Commenced an acquaintance that
would havo ripened into love. But
She -But what? He They married.
Mrs. Slowstarve How do you find
your steak this morning, Mr. Slim
mer? "I havo concluded that probably
n microscope would be the best way."
Mother Nellie, will you help inc
move the bookcase? Ntdlie I can't,
mammn. I have just taken my gym
nastic exercise, and I'm too tired to
move.
Guest (facetiously) There aro two
teaspoons in my teacup. What is that
a sign of? Hostess' Little Son
That's a sign that Homebody else hasn't
got uny spoon.
Mike(on the road) How fur is it to
Chistiiut Hill, sir. Native About
five miles. Whom do you want to seo
there? Mike Faith, I'm aiixiom to
tea luesel' there befoor night,
Skribbler I do wish there wan
sonio new word to express that idea.
Dullsett Perhaps there is. I'll ask
my wife. She'll help you if anyone,
can. She always hns the last word.
Smith falls from tho aeventh floor
to lho ground. Jones, looking over
his shaving glass, recognizes his neigh
bor. "Hello, Smith, is that you?"
Such little social amenities have their
compensations.
Teacher An eye for an oyo, and a
tooth for a tooth is not demanded
now. Tommy No, tho dentist takes
your tooth now, nn' 'stead of givin'
you another ono, ho makes you ptjr
hum fifty cents.