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Chatham Wttoxb.
II. V. l.OISDON,
EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR.
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VOL. XVI.
1ITTSIK)U0 CHATHAM CO., N. C, JULY 26, 1801.
NO. 48.
Wtom
A Merry II carl. i
Clear il:iy ir cloudy day,
Kani'iu'i' leal or could,
A happy heart keeps holiday,
A merry hi'iirt I hold.
Though Hi" wiml "f I'ortust) ble.r.
Out of wintry nky,
1'uc 'it smiling in yosi go
A merry heart is wise,
By mnl ly I'm sun will slilna,
Bay must follow 1 1 i 1 it ;
Purkest lioiir is 1 1 1 sign
Of returning light.
O hi is ill His heaven still,
Though till! Worlil denies;
Ami cheery courage, waits uit will
A m Try heart is wise.
Overruled things v,-e climb
To our best estnt ;
Wo sh ill stumble many n tano,
But WO l'oniltiT fate,
Ami we olioie the butter part
.So that evil flies.
When wn keep the duuiitb'ss heart,
The merry heart that's wise.
.M.uiv I.iiadi.ky In Youth' Companion.
A LOVE PLEDGE.
BY HHI.KN l'OUUKST OHAVnn.
"Does thoo think ho will conic to
day, Dorothea?"
"I'm almost sure of it, mother. "
Dorothea Dale "for nhurttics,"
commonly called Then was Btooping
in front of tho kitchen ovon, gravely
r::rliiiLf a pie which sirs hud just
taken out i puffy, tl iky pie, bleeding
nt every poro with crimsoa blackberry
juice.
"Then has 'tad good luck with thy
baking, Dorothea," Hiiil Friend Mar
tha Dale, who ha I always persisted in
the costume an 1 dialect of her fore
fat hern.
"( )ii, yes, mother ! And the sponge
cake is luau'iful !" eagerly spoke tho
girl.
"Henry used to bo fond of sponge
eako,"reilectivcly murmured the oil
lady. "What is tint around thy neck,
Dorothea?"
The i set the pie on the table, mid
colored "celestial roy red" as she put
her h in 1 to u silver sph to, fastened
on a bit of b!u siik cord which en
circled her neck.
"Don't you remember, mother,"
wild she, "the silver quarters w hi "h
II Miry nil 1 1 exchanged the week ho
went away? Ill" was d at si 187l, tho
year of his birth, and mine was 1871.
He called them our love tokens, you
know, mid so I thought I'd put mine
on mid weir it today."
Friend .Martini smiled, benignly.
"I think thee will have a good hus
band, Then," said sh-', gently. "Is
lhal Ihe clock striking?"
"No," sail Tliea, listening. "It's
m line one tapping at tho old Ini.Il
donr." An l, nil in an hint mt as it were,
the keeping-room door ilew open and
in rusho lit pretty young girl, in a
crumpled pink calico dress, w ith curls
blown about by the summer wind, and
cheeks Hushed a. vivid carmine.
Friend Murth i sat upright in her
chair, with grao and almost disap
proving meiii.
"Why," mill sho, slowly, "it is
.Tos'phiuo Pearl! V's Gip.y Abrn
h tin's grand-daughter, isn't it?"
The mass of pinkciliei mi l black
cist itself bodily into Dorothea's,
arms.
"Yes," sho cried, "it's Jo Pearl
back again! A bid penny always re
turns, you know and I've run away
from Old Cut Raker. I couldn't stand
the long hours, nud til ! hateful lec
tures, and the stitch, stitch, Mitch all
day long? 1 m half a Romany, you
know, nn I thii gipsy part of mo re
volted at such bondage its that. Why
have I como here, Friend Mirthu?"
with a nancy Hash of h r brilliant
black eyes in the direction of the
quiet Quakeress. "Oh, I don't know,
except that I bad nowhere l ine to go I
And Thea hit'l been good to mo. Then
is good to everybody, Please I may
stay, mayn't I? Just until I get an
other situation?"
Friend M irth t compress -d her lips
and remained silent, but Thea spoke
pleadingly up:
"She may stay, mother, mayn't
she? T!i"re's it little room upstairs
where the blankets are kept "
"I can cuddle down any where, "
Wiid the bhtek-eyed girl, eagerly. "If
there's nowhere else, I could string up
in a liainm ek in tho apple tree yon
dor, or in the him loft."
"That in nonsense, Josephine,"
severely uttered tho old lady. "Hut
thee may Bleep one or two nights in
tho linen room, until thee gets an
other place. Perhaps tlieo is not
aware that tho hem of thy frock is
torn down?"
Jo Pearl looked comieully at her
disorganized gown.
'I ran across lots from the rnilwny
station," mtid sh"; "an hard as I could
rush. I thought I could make the
homo run better from Lowood than
from tho Prick Depot ; but I was a
little vexed when two disagreeable
young men, that had been trying to
Attract my notice on the train, got oil",
too. So while they were asking ques
tions of tho depot agent, I cut and
run. Thero'n where the gipsy blood
came in handy. Did I distance them?
I rather think I did. I dare nay they're
looking for me uow in tho Lowood
Mills. "
She laughed a merry peal. Frien I
Martha looked graver than ever.
"Oh, mid I had another adventure !"
said eager Jo. "You soo "
"Perhaps," mildly interrupted the
Quakeress, "it is not worth while for
time to chatter any longer about thy
adventures, Josephine. Draw a pail
of fresh water nud batho thy hands
and face. Dinner will soon bo ready."
Jo Pearl obeyed, but as she run up
stairs ufter Then to the little sloopiug
roofed room, she gave her friend a
furtive hug and whispered:
"I never could see, Then, how such a
girl us you came to have such a sol
emn little mother ns yours is."
As she tiling off her shabby gray
jacket and plunged her rosy fuco into
the bowl of cool water, wetting hit
hair until it crisped up liko n water
spaniel's curls, something tinkled on
the lloor.
Then Mooptl to pick it up.
"Why, what is this?" she said, with
a curious, sweet-pea Hush drifting
across her face.
Josephine mnde a snatch at it,
"It's part of my adventure," she
said, "(live it to mo quick, Then!
Oh, such u handsome young fellow!"
Thea was silent a moment. She
hesitated. Tit m sh g back to Jo
Pearl th silver qi irter, with tie! date
"1871" on if, the tiny holi! drilled lit
one end, and tin' curious little scratch
across the line Greek liose of the God
dess of Liberty, nn. I Iter heart sank
like lea l in h 'r bosom. For she knew
that it was the love-plodgo she Lad
given Henry Barron, it year ago.
And after a chance flirtation on tho
cars, for she knew too well tho pro
clivities of her wild little protege,
Gipsy Abraham's grand-daughter, for
the ll ash of a pair of black eyes, the
smile of a cherry lip. he had Ibing
away tho precious gage d'amour given
by her hand.
Jo Pearl was not in fault. She had
never seen her friend's fiancee in
fuel, she did not know of tho engage
ment. "Xo," said Thea to herself, "it is
not her fault. Hut that he that
Henry should think so lightly of my
gilt!"
With a sud leu jerk sho untied tho
blue silk cord from about her neck
and flung the second gleaming silver
circlet out into the tall grass, where n
cluster of daisies nodded their eoro
neted heads.
Her eyes flashed. A deep crimson
spot glowed on either cheek. In all
her innocent life, Dorothea Dale hud
never been so near a passion ns now,
"He shall not come to this house!"
sir.' told herself. "No I will not see
him. Where would bo tho use? I'll
try to bo dignilied, but I will not see
him. No, never again never!"
At the same moment she started as
if some electric current had thrilled
her veins. A familiar voice was talk
ing to her mother in tho kitchen be
low Henry llnrron's voice.
"I just missed the Lowood Station,"
said he, ",md I had to go on to Uriel;
Depot, so it was half nn hour's linger
walk to bring me here. How I grudged
every step of the way! Rut you're
sure you lire well? And Thea where
is Then?"
Just then n warm young hand grasp
ed Dorothea's arm. Jo Pearl's peneh
soft cheek was laid against her shoul
der. "It's he," alio whispered "ray
hero!- Who is he? How comes ho to
bo here? Oh, Then, how good ho was
tome! Not liko those silly chatter
ing young men with tho long mous
taches mnl the ktiob-headed canes, but
as if he were some calm, quiet nugol
out of another world. I had lost my
ticket, you nee, and I hadn't a cent of
money in my pocket, nnd, oh, I wits
in such dis and thoso horrid
young men were giggling and whisper
ing, and the conductor stood there as
grim nnd liar 1-hearted as a stone gor
gon, and all of a sudden thnt gentle
man put his hand into his pocket nnd
gavo mo this silver coin! Oh, ho
couldn't have been politer-like if I
had been a lady bom! Me, tho gipsy's
grandchild Jo Pearl. And then ho
rose quietly up, to avoid my thanks,
and went int. i tho other car; aud
there, in the folds of my frock, wns
the ticket all the time. So I didn't
have to pay tho siiver-pieco to the
conductor, mi l I hated to give it back,
because because it was so kind in tho
gentleman! Toll me, Thea, was it
wrong in me to kotp it?"
Thea turned around, with the sweet
est sunshine on her face.
"It wasn't wrong," sho answered;
j "and yet I think y..". -i.'ei la-tier lot
me give it back to him, Jo."
And Jo lYurl, to whom Dorothea
Dale was it sort of lesser Providence,
tmhmii sivcly placed the silver quarter
j in her friend's hand, and crept back
j to the little bedroom with the sloping
roof, to bru'.li her crispy curls.
While Then, stealing down the back
staircase, went straight to the tangle
of silver-sprayed daisies, mid felt
softly among their roots for the coin
she had but now Hung iudigiinuth
away.
If sho had lost it? Hut no, thank
providence, it was there! And once
more she fastened it nroiini' her white,
fair neck and came up tin1 porch steps,
where he was standing by this time.
"Thea, my darling !"
She flew into his unit", her blue
eyes sparkling, her lips dimpled with
soft smiles. And ut the sumo moment
sh held up the little silver token w ith
the figures "1871" engraved upon it.
"Look, Harry!" slid she, mischiev
ously. "Do you think you deserve to
have this returned to you?"
His face lighted up,
"Why, Then, where did you get
it?" ho demanded. I took it out of
my trensiire box this morning nnd put
it into my pocket, so as to huve it
rendy for you, and when I ciiine to
search for it just now, it was gone.
Are you a magician, dearest?"
"That comes of succoring distressed
damsels in the curs," gaily retorted
Dorothea. "And for about live min
utes, Harry, T wns ns jealous us any
lemiuiiie Othello in nil the world
could possibly be. Rut when I heard
it nil - nil, my true love!" she whis
pered, hiving her head against his arm
"I was so proud of you !"
"It was dreadfully careless of me,
Thea."
"It wns like yourself, Hurry!" said
she. "And hero it is again my
second gift to you, dear. And now
come in to dinner. I've baked such a
blackberry pie for you."
And she led him into the sitting
room, where Friend Martha had near
ly got tho table set mnl the serene
old Quakeress never knew how nearly
there hud been n deadly quarrel be
tween tho two young lovers. Satur
day Night.
An Odd felony.
An Italian Deputy, Achillo Fa:v.ari,
has sent word to the King of Italy,
the Pope, Crispi nnd various members
of Parliament that he means to retire
to his estate, on tho shores of tho
Gulf of Squillaee, in Calabria, live
there as an agriculturist nnd fisherman
and found a colony to be called "Cassi
odoro," in memory of King Thcodoi ie.
Signor Fazzari has drawn up rules for
the regulation of his colony, to which
nil who take part must adhere. The
rules enjoin the abandonment by legal
act of all personal property ; the re
nunciation of all reading, whether it
bo newspapers, manuscripts, letters or
telegrams, which, should they arrive,
will be burned ; work to be in common ;
members to live in separate huts. It
is prohibited to teach the children
that may bo born to rend or write.
Tho colony will be advised by a chief
to be elected annually. On Sundays
it Catholic priest will say mass and
proclaim the laws of the Italian State,
which will bo obeyed. No punishments
will be inlliet"d in tho colony, but
unworthy people can bo expelled.
Men and women will wear the sumo
costume. Tho food of tho colony
will bo soup, meat nnd fish; wine pro
duced wili be drunk. London News.
A ( Iiureh-tioing Itohln.
A few Sundays ago, says the Lon
don Standard, tho family of Mr. W.
A. Wykelmm Musgrnve.ontoring their
pow in Thayme Pnrk Chapel, Oxford
shire, were surprised to see a pnrtinlly
built robin's nest on tho book ledge
against a prayer liook and n hymn
book. Tho family immediately de
cided to occupy another seat and to
leave tho little redbreast unmolested
in its strange abode. On tho follow
ing Sunday the nest was completedand
contained live eggs, nnd on tho suc
ceeding Sunday tho bird sat oil tho
eggs during tho whole of tho service.
It has now been found that tho bird
has hatched four young ones, and the
mother Hew in and out of tho chapel
during tho service with food for her
young.
Breaking the News.
It is related that it onco foil to nn
Atchison man to break the news to a
woman that her husband hud been
killed. "Do you know," he said, cull
ing nt hor house, "that with your
light hair and pretty complexion you
would break every heart in town if
you dresRed ns a widow?" She blush
ed and laughed. "And you are one,"
he nddciL "Your husband was just
blown to atoms down in tho boiler
works, but then black is so becoming
to you." Atchison Globe.
LIILMMILN'S t Obl l
Only n bu:i"h of fragrant pi'slci,
K m s r il and whit",
But to iM thes ! hiv -ly ro-es
We'll the bugs mnl urns to light.
Only a favurit ! bearskin
l.ving on tile In :i'th like a rug,
But to get that In a skin.
Tin1 bear ami I'd a tug.
Only a ilollie's ilress.
Hut to get it, I'll e ill'e.s,
r!iieh prielo'il lingers, sis-li a u".:.i,
AM for a ilollie's il-e-n.
New Orleans I'ieayuiiP.
TWO I-'IIIUNIH.
Nome crustaceans hide their shelh
under another sen creature, apparent
ly to protect themselves. A certain
hermit crab found in th ! Mediterran
ean sea is l'oiiil of a sca-ancmouc, mid
it is llot:ii;iisiial to liud it shell which a
hermit has chosen for h:s house un
protected by his line mono frien 1. A
gentleman relates that he captured
and put in a largo a pitriu n 'i '
these sea anemones on a shell in w hich
was u hermit crab who (eeiir il already
In have outgrown Ilia hous
"All went well for a while," he
writes, "then the h riuii -grew so large
that he had to leave, his shell an I
abandon his friend. An hour after
the .hermit I-lt his old shell I looked
lit the aquarium again, nud was sur
prised to liud liie sea anemone on top
of the now shell which the hermit
crab hud adopted us his dwelling.
They both seemed very well satislied.
"How h id tae anemone come there?
; I soon found out. I eauttoiislv lifted
the shell to the siirfife of the water
and let the iiiiemoii,! fall to tho bot
tom of the isq iarium, and then I put
tiu' i-hcil down ii'-ar it.
'Hardly had the eriislacenu touched
bottom before he seized thi! am in me
with one claw, then with two, nnd 1
saw ut once wh it he intended to do.
"With great care he went to work
to replace the anemone on the shell,
lie found the anemone upside down,
nnd he took great pains to set it up
right again. Then he gra.-jeed is firm
ly with two claws, mil raised it and
placed it on the shell. For twelve
minutes he remained perfectly mo
tionless, pressing it lirinly on to the
shell all the time. Then he very cau
tiously took away first olio claw, and
the other.
"1 was pleased to see that when ho
moved the sea-anemone remained in
place, as lirmly fixed as tho energetic
little crab could wish."
A (itiAM) cKr.r.miATtoN.
Rilly and Nat and the other boys
Were on their way to the village
to buy fireworks for the Founh when
they saw a queer looking wagon mov
ing toward them. It looked like a
hen-coup on wheels, but when it eann)
nearer th -y found it was a huge cage
wite an eagle in it.
The boys surrounded the wagon at
once, and fired a perfect volley of
questions at the driver.
"I took that eagle from the nest
when it was little," h' explained;
"and I have just be in carrying it to
town to sell to the show ; but the show
is gone, so I must cart him back."
"Why, you ought to let him lly!"
cried Hilly. "Don't you know, to
morrow is the Fourth, mid I guess
G 'ergo Washington would not have
liked very well to see the American
ea ,de cooped up like a chicken?"
The man laughed. "Wei', now, if
you boys feci t so, why don't you buy
him ami let him loose tomorrow ? lie
would go up l.ko sky-rockets."
The boys looked at each other.
"That's so!" they all cried together.
So a bargain was struck, nn 1 they
carried tho eagle home in triumph.
That evening the following handbill
was posted around Merry ville:
"Great silly hratiou ! the Bird of his
Country," said Roody, "in honor of
the Fourth of July."
"An' we'll call it 'Sp tug' for short,''
said Dolly.
"All right," said Maminn Tom, "nnd
now we'll get it home if we can."
It did seem at first as if they might
have to leave Spang where they found
her. Rut by coaxing and pushing and
pulling and waiting mnl running it fi
nally came to pass that tho horses nud
nud boys nnd girls and tho dog and the
bossy-calf nil got home to a late din
ner. And the children were about as
tired and happy as it was possible to be.
Youth's Companion.
Poor Rut Kindly
Clerk I am to be married shortly;
Couldn't you manage to increase my
alary a little?
Employer Couldn't renlly. Rut
I'll tell you what I'll do for you, my
boy. I'll shorten your hours during
the first three mouths so that you enn
spend your evenings at home, and uf
ter that 1'il lengthen them again so
that you cau have au excuse to get
away. New York Weekly.
AX ODD MILL
Operated by the Geological Survey
at Washington.
Chiefly Dovotocl to Sawing up
retril'iecl Logs.
There are many novelties in the gov
ernment departments nt Washington,
and especially in thesoiontilie bureaus.
The most novel that has yet been dis
covered is a petrified lumber mill op
crated by tho Geological Survey. It
is au institution that has not many
visitors, its location down in the base
ment of the survey building on F
street being rather out of the track of
the regulation sightseer, but there the
survey lapidaries grind thin sections
of rocks nnd minerals of all sorts for
microscopic examination, and there is
a band saw, the invention of tho sur
vey, that will cut anything from hot
butter to a quartz crystal.
Lately the scientists have brnn saw
ing up a lot of vegetable petorfuctlolis
from Idaho. They can carve up any
thing in tho shape of petrified logs
than they cau get in front of their
sawing machine. Even the ossified
mm of Hie dim) museum would not
be safe from them, and, indeed, lately
they were called on to cut up a petri
fied woman, one that was on exhibi
tion in Washington. After they had
bored into one of tho damsel's lower
limbs n little way they struck a gas
pipe. The petrified woman was made
out of Portland cement, and the scien
tists gave her up as a hard case, w hich,
in fact, alio was.
Rut the most interesting ease that
has come to the pe.triticd lumber mill
lately was know n ns a cyeaJ, a sort of
vegetable parasite w hich llourished in
the prehistoric forests of tho country
some million of years ago.
It looked very much like a coeoanut
with the hu-k on nn I was cut up al
most as easily as though it had never
been pet rifled.
The band saw used in the work is
nothing more than an endless steel
wire between an eighth and a seven
teenth of an inch thick running at a
very high rate of speed over two good
sized lly-wheels, declares tin exchange.
Water and emery are fed on the wire
as it runs, and the saw comes ns Hour
being an irresistible force as anything
known in the cutting line. Since tho
invention of the wire saw in the sur
vey, it has been copied by a number
of laboratories and lapidary establish
ments nil over tho country.
Resides tho saw there are a number
of grinding machines, smooth iron
plates revolving like grindstones, llat
side up nnd Hooded with water and
emery. On these plates sections of
stone for microscopical examinations
can bo ground a thousandth of mi
inch or less in thickness, so as to be
perfectly translucent tinier strong
light.
Tho lapidary establishment is one of
the most essential aidsthat the Geolog
ical Survey has in working up the geol
ogy of the country. Many of the rocks
that nre met with in the fields cannot be
distinguished from each other, except
by laboratory examination, mid as the
nature of the rocks lillinglhe different
sections of the country has to bo as
certained in working up its geological
history, tho specimens, carefully la
belled, have to be sent back to the de
partment in Wn.shiutou for study nnd
vlassilieation.
The Crow Was Loaded.
Dick Willoiighby relates au amusing
incident that happened to him at
Fiinter Ray.
Dick was driving a tunnel nn n
ledge back of his cabin, and was in
the habit of leaving a stick of giant
powder on a rock in a sunny place nt
the mouth of the tunnel to thaw out.
On several occasions when he went to
get his powder it had mysteriously
disappeared, and he was at a loss to
account for it. As it was considerable
of an annoyance to have to go to the
cabin and get more powder and wait
for it to thaw, Dick concluded to
watch proceedings and wait for the
thief.
Ho laid the stick of powder in its
usual place, aud had waited but a
short time when he saw a raven sail
out of a treo and swoop down upon
the explosive. The bird toro at the
tough paper cover until it could get nt
the powder, then began to greedily
devour it. Giant powder is made up
of nitro-glycerine, sawdust, andgrease,
and a whole stick of it makes a very
hearty break fast for a raven. The
stick had nearly disappeared when
Dick thought it time to aveligo his
loss, and was in the net of raising his
rifle, when tho raven gavo a defiant
enwk and arose in the air with tho re
mainder of tho stick of powder graap
ed iu ib) claws. When up boluo" dis
tance tho powder slipped from tlifl
bird's grasp and came tumbling to the
ground. Dick saw tho powder drop
and dodged behind a boulder, fearing
it would explode when it struck the
rocks; however, it did not. The raven
perched in a tree, and Dick drew a
bead and let drive. Immediately fol
lowing the report of the gun Dick was
not a little startled at receiving quite
a shock and hearing a second and
louder report, while the air was tilled
with small bits of raven meat and
feathers.
After the smoko of battle had clear
ed away, all that Dick could find of
that raven was the bill and clawH and
u bunch of black feathers. The shock
of the bullet passing- through the
bird's body had exploded the powdel
it had devoured. Juneau (A hisku)
News.
( outiiiiig Coins by Machinery.
The feat of counting 2,00 silver
dollars per minute is now being per
formed at the Mint by a little machine
invented by Sebastian Ileitis, the chief
carpenler of the institution, and by
its aid the work of counting tho coin
and weighing the silver bars, can it ts
thought, be completed by the middle
of next month. The slow progress
made in counting by hand led Mr.
Reins to experiment, with the result,
after the expenditure of much thought
and time, of turning out a very suo
ccssi'ul machine.
Mr Morgan of Mint Director
Preston's ollice was greatly interested
in the experiments, and, upon witness
ing tin.1 I'm il successful test of the in
vention, he granted permission for its
use iu counting the great ma s of sil
ver dollars. The machine was put
into regular operation yesterday, mid
when worked to it-i limit was easily
ali'e to diiiose of two bigs of coins
containing ."i.ililil in , minute.
The machine consists of a hopper,
into which the coins are dropped,. A
cog wheel, the teeth of which resemble
those of a circular saw, carries tho
coins to tubes, and from there tiny
are forced out upon a little table,
cniitaiuiug twenty grooves, each of
which contains just fifty coins. A
turn of the crank counts l,0tM) coins
which are immediutly put into n bag,
and a .second thousand follows before
tho expiration of n minute. Philadel
phia Record.
found a Itatl'isnako in a CaluVi.
Not long since Theo. Armstrong and
some of his neighbors were fishing in
Little River, some ten or twelve miles
below here, where they saw u largo
catfish mi the opposite side of the
river lloatiag near the surface of the
water. Its queer actions attracted
attention it seemed to be in ain and
vainly trying to go under the water.
Mr. Armstrong pulled off his clothes,
swam across, caught the fish and
brought it to the shore. Tho llsh ap
peared to be very much swollen, or at
least very full of something, lie cut
it open and was astonished to find a
large rattlesnake in iti stomach. Tho
snake w.is not digested, ill fact, was
just beginning to swell, and this swel
ling is what is supposed to have caused
the fish's trouble. Il was getting so
full (jf pus it could not sink. Mr.
Armstrong stretched the snnke out
nnd measured it. It wr.s three feet
long. The snake's head had bci 11
beaten and its rattles were gone,
which led him to believe that some
one hud killed it, taken oil' iis rattles
and thrown it into the river, where it
was swallowed by tho fish. Galveston
News.
All .Vhsent-Miu led Man.
The following anecdote of an absent-minded
man has lately come to
hand, and while some of you may
have heard it before it seems to bo
too good to be passed over entirely.
Among the personal anecdotes told
of Peter Rurrowes, the celebrated
barrister, and one of IivlandV'worth
ies," is the following remarkable in
stance of absence of mind : A friend
called upon him one morning in his
dressing-room, nud found him shaving
with his face to the wall. lie nsked
him why he chose so strange nn atti
tude. The answer was, "To look iu
the glass."
"Why," said his friend, "there is
no glass there !"
"Rless me!" Rurrowes observed,
"I did not notice that before."
Ringing the bi ll, he called his ser
vant, and questioned him respecting
his looking-glass.
"Oh, sir," said tho servant, "tho
mistress had it removed six weeks
ago." Harper's Young; People.
Sort as Wax.
He I wonder why that stunning
looking girl gazes nt mo so yenrning
ly. Sho must be endeavoring to mnko
no. impression.
She Very probably, ns peoplo us
ually use something soft for that pur
pose.. Truth.
All For M".
Bear sweetheart, let the gloaming
Of your smiling be for me
Let it east a glowing brightness
(lu life's turbbl, restle-s seaj
Let Its sweetnes-i ever greet im,
When the shade begins to loop
l):rl; curtains as the siinbi'iuuS
Into arms of dreaming droop!
Bear sweetheart, let the beating
Of your heart be all for mo,
Let m fei-1 it throbbing softly,
Let me know it 'twill ever be,
1'ilV'l with d"ep emotion-,.
That awake when I am near;
That will bind you closer, closnr,
That will iimke you love in", dear.
Atiuntii Constitution.
HUMOROUS.
Still water runs deep, especially in
the moonlight regions.
"What so comforting as an old
shoe?" "The matt; to it."
No doctor can keep his businers iu
good shape unless he keeps in prac
tice. Many bill collectors (irmly believo
that they are now in the land of
premise.
In producing cotton at the present
prices the game is hardly worth th )
bagging.
"Blanks is too hoarse to speak a
word of his lines. What aro wo to
do?" Malinger Have him on for a
song. No one will notice his voice
then.
"Isn't live dollars a visit rather
stoop, doctor? " "Rule of my prac
tice, sir." "That's just tho point.
Isn't it rather steep for mere prac
tice?" "Look here, old man oughtn't you
to keep that boy of yours moro iu
cheek?" "My friend, I do my best;
this is the fourth one I've sent him
this month."
Ethel (fishing for a compliment) I
wonder w hat he saw in mo to fall in
lovo with? Clarissa That's what
everybody says. Rut men are curious
creatures, dear.'
"Frank said last night that I wns n
perfect enigma to him. Now w hat do
you think ho meant?" Helen Oh,
one of those stupid things that anyone
can see through.
"1 understand that Paris and New
York nre very much alike." "Well,
iu a way they are. New Yorkers, how
ever speak a very different French
from that spoken by the Parisians."
What, on your knees, you bullish man?
Bo vuii think sh-' I love you
If you let her think she enn
houiehow fee! above V"U?
He I suppose this may seem very
sudden, Miss Rranible, but . Miss
Rrainble Not in the least. I've
known for a year you would propose
to me as soon as you had courage
enough.
Frances nnd her pnpn had a few
squares to go and the hitter nsked,
"Frances, shall we walk or take tho
street curs?" "Well, pnpn," replied
the little girl, "I'll walk if you will
carry me."
Mrs. Jennywing (to distinguished
foreign visitor) That piece my
daughter is playing iscxtreiin ly diffi
cult, Huron. Baron Rresel (in ex
treme agony) Ah ! madam I w ish it
was impossible !
Miss Emerson Ghiyshiel (of Roston)
What maimer of man do you sup
pose, would be best fitted to reach my
heart? Mr. Meiihattan (shuddering)
Something m the line of an An'tic ex
plorer, 1 should imug.iie.
A stockbroker grown rich, gives
some advice to a new beginner -Y'oii
see, my dear friend, men may be div
ided into two classes dupes nnd
rogues. "And where do you come
in?" "I? I have been both iu
turn."
Fair maiden (a summer Boarder)
How savagely that cow looks nt me.
Farmer It's your red parasol, mum.
Fuir maiden Dear me! I knew it
was a little bit out of fashion, but I
didn't suppose a country cow would
notice it.
Aunt Mainly (at concert) - Josiah,
what's the next thing to be done?
Undo Josiah They're going to sing
"For n Thousand Years." Aunt
Mainly For tho land sakes, Josiah,
you'd better sell the tickets or tele
graph the children what's keepiu' us.
Mrs. Criinsonbeak You seemed
very happy yesterday, John. Did you
remember that it was tho nuniversury
of our wedding day? Mr. Crimson
beak Why do you ask ridiculous
questions? Of course I didn't remem
ber it. Didn't you say I looked happy?
A young man fresh from collego
were as n scarf pin a jewelled gold
potato bug. One day ho culled the
attention of an old German bookseller
to it, asking: "Isn't thnt pretty,
Dutchy?" "Jn, ja," wns tho reply.
"Dot ish der piggest pug on dor
Bchmallcst botalo I huf cfer Bceu."