Newspapers / The Chatham Record (Pittsboro, … / Jan. 31, 1895, edition 1 / Page 1
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r Ctltatlutm gtcc-Wl. II. A.. LONDON, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR. RATES or ADVERTISING TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION, On square, one insertion One square, two insertions -One square, one month 1.0 1.69 MO $1.50 PER YEAR Strictly in Advance. For larger advertisements liberal coo racts will be made. VOL. XVII. PlTTSHOItO', CHATHAM CO., N. C, JANUARY 31, 1805. NO. 23. I A Dreamer. j lie Is n dreamer, lot lilin pass, ' Iln remix lint writing In tliu grata ' Ills seeing boiiI in ruptures goes Beyond the beauty of Uio rose; ; He in a dreamer and doth know : To sound tint fairest depths of won, His days are cnlin, majestic, friH', Ho lg a dreamer, let liim be. Ho Is (i dreamer, all tho day ' Hlost visions throng lilin on his way, rust the far sunset and tho light, Ho Is ii dreamer fiod ! to ho A post In of Infinity, And mlrroi truth's translucent glonin Ho is a dreamer, let lilin dream. Ho Is a dreamer; for all Hum Ills mind is married lulu i In ni". Tho light that m-Vr on land or sea Ila'.h lilushnil to him in poetry. Ho Is a dreamer nail halh caught "loso to his heart, a hope, n thought, A liopnof initii'i! talitv, Ho Is a dreamer, lot him ln. IIo Is n dreamer; In, with then His soul doth weep In sympathy. Ho Is n dreamer, and dolh lung To glad the world with happy song. Ho Is a dreamer-Ill a breath IIo dreams o( 1 iv, of life, and death. Oh, man. oh, woman, la 1 and lass. Ho is a dreamer, let him pass. ItcwEiir Lovi:JitN.iu Ladies Home Journal. AN OLD MAN'S WHIM. "They would g t married. .1 Undo l'aul, grimly. "It isn't my fault that their husbands are dead, and they're left with families to bring up. I advised 'ent to stay single." "Cut it would l. i your fault," said the mild clergyman, "if they starved or silll'ered. "I don't s ?e why. " "Decan i you have plenty of this World's (.'ood:;, and they are poor ; be ciiuso you have but yourself to sup port, and they have little one's de pendent on them." "Oh, fudge."' said Tilde Paul. "I don't keep a pnor-hoii.se, and I'm sure I pay siillieieut taxes to all the char itable institutions to free mo from any extra demaink I told both of 'em how it would lie; but Hester altvavs i was a self-willed creature, and Letitia had a fashion of insisting 14)011 her own way." "Very well," said the City Mission ary. "I can't pretend to nrgiio with J'ou upon the subject. I only state facts, and leave the rest to your own conscience. " So lie went his way, leaving I'ncle Paul .Sheffield alone in the dingy little room that he called his olliee. "1 told 'em how it would be," re peated I'ncle Paul menially, when he was by himself. "I was willing to keep them and do for them as long as they were contented to stay. I!ut no body can expect me to shoulder their whole families now." He resolutely took up his pen mid recommenced writing entries in the fat old ledger which lay 011 the desk ; but for nil that, tile rose-bud faces of his nieces, Netty ami Letty, us they used to look, Hitting around Ids big arm-chair, would continue to haunt him. "Pshaw!" ho said, nt last, as he dropped his pen ; "I wish that med dling minister would have been oblig ing enough to mind his own business. I suppose I must do something for ouo of V'lii, but which shall it be? Hetty used to have the prettiest face and the most coaxing voice, but then Letty had a still, velvet-footed way of always doing just what you wanted. Hetty sang like 11 lark all the old songs I liked to hear, but Letty would play baek-gaiiimou by the hour, and never get tired. Well, well, it's hard to make a choice." A week had elapsed and Letitia Carver sat alouo by the desolate heart h-stone sewing, her little ones at school, the lire subdued to the fewest I nnd laid the ten-dollar bill upon its lumps of coal consistent with calorie blotted surface of green baize. Uncle life, when the door opened, and her j l'aul surveyed her from behind the cousin, the other young w idow 1 moon-liko orbs of his silver mounted entered. spectacles, "Isn't it a shame!" cried Mrs. "Kh ! what's this?" he asked, with Hewitt indign intly. ''Of course you apparent unconsciousness. "What's received a bundle too !" i tlrs? ' "I don't think I ipiite understand! "You were kind enough. Uncle," wlint you 111 : am, Helty," said Mrs. ; began Letty hesitatingly, "to sen 1 me Carver. 'some clothe 1 to m ike over for the "Mean! I mean that Undo Paul children. 1 found this nioney in the Sheffield is tho stingiest, most pnrsi- ' waistcoat pocket, when 1 was ripping moiiioiis old miser in existence. To it up this morning." dare to send a bundle of old clothes i You did, eh?" said Uncle Paul re to inv door, as if I were a common Hectively. And then, turning his beggar, with 1111 insulting note stating that as ho had understood I had two boys, I might very easily cut tho gar ments over into something useful. I was so angry that I cried !" "Angry! What for? I can git t h. waistcoat pocket of your bundle? quite a good suit out of them for each Eh?" of my little men ! Paul and Robbie Hester hesitated, turne 1 lirst near aro both small, and " let, then pal , and was obliged to "Letty Carver," cried her cousin stammer forih : wrathfully, "you have no nioro spirit "I I didn't suppose I could make than a wooden image. " the old garments useful, so I sold Letty smi'V.'d 1 :in shook her head t hem to a rag-man." mournfully. "For twenty-live cents?" "I cannot sit tamely by, Hester, ' "No, ncle, for two nice china and hear my little ones crying." vases," "Pshaw !" miul Hetty imperiously. "I nm not yet reduced to bo tho re cipient of such charity as that, from a man like Undo Paul, who rolls in gold." "It in his own money, Hetty, nnd lio lias a right to do with it lis he pleases. When we married against hia wishrN, we both taeitly abandoned nil claim to his wealth.." "I don't ngrco with yon there," said Mrs. Hewitt, haughtily tossing her head. "And you've actually be gun to lip ii)) the odious old things!" ".Sec," said Letty holding 11)1 the section of a well-worn waistcoat, with a faint smile, "1 urn dilligotitly lit work at it now." "1 sold mine to u rag-man," said Mrs. Hewitt iiidill'ercntly. "Vha!s tliat you are taking out of the pocket?" hIio ad-led, with a quick start. "A ten-dollar bill?" Mrs. Carver unfolded at the nunc moment a tiny slip of crumpled paper, tucked far down into olio of the pockets. It actually was, as her cou sin had Miid, a ten-dollar bill. "You are in luclt," cried Hetty. "1 wish I had thought to look into the pockets of mine before I left tho rag man have tlicm; but it isn't at all likely that tho old skinllmt would make inure than one m stake of the : kind. What shall you do with it, Letty?" w.th it?" repented Mrs. Car vel', opening h.-r mild eves in surprise. "I shall take it t I'lide Paul at once. It is, as you yourself sat, a uihtakc. ' "I'.iit he has given you the in t?" "He never intended to give me the money, and I have no right to appro priate it. Mis. Hewitt drew a Ion;,' inspiration of contemptuous amaze ment. "Letty, you are too absurdly Q.iix otii: for any thiir. You don't deserve good luck, if you lling it about alter this fashion. " "I certainly should not deserve good luck if I acted dishonestly in even so small a mailer as this." "I don't call ten dollars 11 small sum to you, whatever it may be to Undo Paul. Take my advice, Letty; keep the money, and hold your tongue. You need it 1111 1 he don't, and he never will bo a bit the wiser. What are you trying ou your bonnet for?" "I am going to Uncle Paul," was the ipiiet reply, lis Mrs. Carver folded a faded black ca-hmero shawl across her slender shoulders. "You are determined." "Yes!" "Tiien I'll go with you, "said Hetty. "Perhaps between us both we can manage to shame the old screw out of a little of his surplus cash." "Hetty." "I mean it, Let it in. He used to pretend to be fond of us " "I'ntil we set his tushes and judg ment 111 defiance, and proenimod 0111 s Ives entirely independent of his tuli." Hester Hewitt shook her head ; her willful nature was entirely uncon vinced, but she abandoned the argu ment temporarily. I'ncle Paul Shelli Id sat alone in his "den" when his o!liee-boy nounccd : "Two ladies, sir, to see you!" nn announcement almost instantaneously followed by the apparition of the two pale young widows, in their mourning weeds. "Well, gills!" said I'ncle Paul, sticking his pen behind his ear, as composedly as if it had only been six days since he had seen them, instead of six years; "ait down sit down!" Mrs. Hewitt obeyed; but Letty Carver advanced to her uncle's desk, moon spectacles su Id inly 011 his other niece, he d. in inded, with oin'onrrass i ig abruptness ; "And you, Mis. II ador, what be c ime of the ten-dollar bid 'hit was in "Two fiddlesticks!" barked Undo Paul sharply. "Too shiftless to mako over a good suit of half-worn clothes too proud to work for your own living, but not too sensilivo to expect others to do it for you you're tho saino Hetty that you always were! Kvcii the sen of trouble you have gone through hasn't changed you, and I don't believe anything will but death." ' Uncle !" faltered Hetty, beginning weakly to cry, tho worst policy she could possibly have adopted, if she had only known it. "Yes," went on Undo Paul, rumpl ing his hair over his eyebrows; "1 put the two bills in the two waistcoat pockets to try you two girls. One of 'em is sold ton rag-man; the other has come back to me. I accept the omen. Letty, inv lass, you and your little, ones may return back to the old nest again. If tho boys lire liko you, I shall tnko to Via." "15.it, uncle," whispered Hetty through her tenrn, "what shall I do?'' "Sell yourself to the riig-nian !' ipioth tho old man, waxing grimly facetious. "Don't 1 tell you I'll havo nothing more to do with you?" And no tears nor entreaties on tho part of either Helty or Letty could move the old man's adamant resolve. Hetty had sealed her uwn doom and her more thrifty cousin had beeoiu ' n presumptive heiress, nil through 11:1 old man's whim, N'ew York Xewj, Diii'k-Inciihiitiiig in Canton. I don't remember having seen half a dozen chickens any where in and around Clinton, but I suppose I must have seen a million ducks, ulive and dead. Larg.s buildings are erected entirely for their incubation. Per haps it is no exaggeration to nay that not one out of every ten thotiMiud Cantonese ducks ever saw its mother, or knew nny other preceptor of its ducklii.g web-steps than the duck-boy. The incubating buildings were heated by wood fires, and divided into rooms where tho t ggs were differently ar ranged. Formerly tho temperature was judged by those in charge, but of late years this met hod has been aban doned, and in tho house that I saw thermomoter.i were hanging in every room. In uniie rooms tho eggs were placed in tint pa Ided baskets, in others in deep barrel 1 padded and lined, or again, in itln r rooms, they were cov ered wiih matting upon enormous shelves with a high beading running all round. This was when the t imo) approached for the young ducks to break the shell and to come out. When fairly out, they were kept for Nouio litllu time upon these shelves ami fed upon soft rice, but rarely nioro than a few days elapsed before a duck-boat came along and bought up a whole houseful of them. If by any chance the young birds were not sold, boys attudioil to the establishment took charge of I hem, and herded them out. Century. Fleet rieily in a TliuiKlei'slorni. What produces the electricity ill a I liiiuderstoi'm .' This question, of per ennial interest both to the scientific iiiun and the ordinary inquirer, can scarcely be said to be completely and satisfactorily solved. It has, however, generally been supposed that tho big drops in a thunder shower were tho result of electrification, for working an electrical machine in 11 fog causes the minute drops to adhere together and form larger ones, i'mt now como developments t hat render it probahlo that the big drops arc not results, but cans 'M at least, of part of tho elec tricity manifested. When a drop splashes on a metal plate, the latter becomes electrified, and it is now be lieved that every such drop carries a double layer of electricity, positive and negative. On the drop these neu tralize each other, but the splash dis sipates one, and so renders tho other videtit. The same thing would hap pen if two drops splashed against each other in the air, as must often bo the c ise, and hence, perhaps by the ag gregation of millions of such splashes, comes the lightning bolt that rends the oak or shatters the spire. New York Times. Is nn hcl 11 Fishf Is an eel a lish ? win the question argued at Iho North London police court the other day. Five men had been summoned for fishing at night in the L a contrary to the by-laws of th conservancy board. On.; of tho de fendants pleaded that he had yet to learn that an eel was ti fish. "Tho great Frank lbicklaud," ho haid "doubted it, because eels has been found traveling across grass at night time." This ingenious plea did not strike the magistrate favorably, and ho lined tho defendants. Chicago Her ald. Winnipiseogee is tho "beautife lake of tho highland." CHILDREN'S (OMMN. a hoy's Tie to n r. I think tho sun Is a golden cug That's laid by tho I la-k hen, night ; An I that Is what makes the roosters crow As soon as they hod its light. 1 see it now o'er the eastern hill Through tho tangled wild I peep. And I am sure that the I. la h"ii, night, Ou ln r pereh is fasi asle p. The dons all ea.-kle with wild delight While the door ol tho ,, iinl.at''he,, And out of that great Mgg..."ii egg 1 know that tho day hal.'hed. - l'ii -k. SoMi: WONIIRUI I I, lU I'.lil.KS. Do you love to blow bubbles? It's n great pasting, Un't it? P.nt what fleeting fun il is, to be sure. The great sorrow of bubble makers is nt that moment when the tho pretty fairy globules burst in the air. Whni do ymi say to making a bubble that will last tell hours? Well, here's the se cret. Make a tluid in this way. (let a cake of palm oil soup, shave it j ar iugs as thin as losdldo 1111 1 drop in a big bottle filled with distilled wat r. Shake this mixture very vigorou iy ; th 'ii lilicr t htoii g; 1 1 grav liit.'iiii' ; 1 pcr and mix the rem lining il ii I with one-third of its Inuk of piireg!ye. rii:- Hefore Using shake well. tiel a Mua.l glass funnel ab nit t wo inches i:i diame ter connect ii with n tube India rubbiT, nnd you can blow bubbles with this apparatus that will surpass the rain bow itself in brilliancy and beauty. Yes, there's a lot of trouble ill getting your hcieiitiiic pipe nnd liquid ready, but think of the sport in the en I. Just imagine a soap bubble twelve inches across? Y01; can blow them 111 this way by putting them upon a big iron ring (very carefully, of course,) while the nn t il is wet with the pre pared solution, (ret a ring that is quite rusty that assures a good re sult. A string of bubbles two or three inches in diam dor can bo kept intact for ten or twelve hours. Isn't tho ex periment worth trying? New York Recorder. LAltUKKT MAliNICT IN TlfU WOlll.ll. Willetis Point, Loii j Island, i.; n government station commanded by Lieutenant-Colonel P., W. King, and here it is that engineering oflieers of the United States Army get their pol ishing oil. F.loetrieity has so much to do today with the plot, el ion of land approaches by melius of torpedoes, and an enemy's ships are to bo blown to atoms by the help of submarine boils, that electricity may be said to be altvavs on tap at Willi Its Point. Colonel King having handy a large cannon weighing fill, (H hi poll Is and a quantity of old torpedo wire, took fourteen miles of the wire, coiled it around one of his guns, and passed electricity through the wire by means of a powerful dynai At once an iniim ns magnetic force was devel oped. You may lis seen a little lioi' .eshoe magnet, and how sever l steel pens may bo made t 1 hang from it. This big magnet does the miiiio thing with live cannon bulls which represent a down-pull of l,ti-" pounds. They hang together, one over the other, by an area of siirt'ii'V which can be, theoretically, hi. I 11 point. At first, for convenience' sake, in lifting heavy weights an iron pulley with a quarter-inch chain was used, but when the gun was magnetic the chain ami pulley were of no use. The chain be came as rigid as if it had been a bar of solid steel and riveted to tho gun. I saw a 111 11 itaud at a distance of some three feet from the gun, nnd putting an iron spike against his breast, tho spike would stand out straight, as if ho were a magnet. Then he covered his chest with iron spikes like a poreupin . A heavy piece of railroad iron, weighing fully fifty pounds, when pushed into the muzzle of the camion, was shoved out a certain distance and then drawn bad; by the magnet ic force. The soldiers who work the magnet derive sonie amusement from the gun. When th -y see a green man, they say to him, "I'.illy, just hand us that crowbar leaning against tin; gun." Hilly, anxious to help, tries to take the crowbar, and finds that he cannot budge it, pull, haul, or strain all ho may. It requires the efforts of two men, with a sudden jerk, to pull away from the gun an iron bar weighing about twenty-lite pounds. This gun was mounted on a great iron carriage fully twenty feet long. The whole carriage was magnetic. l!ig nails would stick to it anywhere. 1 made long pendants of nails. It was curious to see railroad spikes lift themselves up on a wooden platl'ornj, as if they were live things making ready to spring at the gun. Harper's Young People. Soiu! of the dentists in Vienna fill teeth vith annealed glass. ON A FAST MAIL An Iiitcrestins; Phase of the Postal Service. Clerks Must Havo Aer:ui';iU' Brains and Flying FingiT.s. flic night trip of the fast mail be tween New York and Huston is one id the most interesting phases oT the pos tal service. Two lighted lines ol speed (lashing forty miles an hour pass each other 1ni1lwayb. lue. il the two great Eastern mail Centres, New York and itosloii, every night. On each train is a crew of thirteen men, who handle from tell to fifteen tolls of mail each trip. On this hue is as sorted during the round trip the mail that goes through Huston and New Liigland, New York City and Now York State, Pennsylvania, New Jer sey, the Western and Southern States. Ilesid' s theso divisions distinct dis trict, carrier and box separations arc 111 ide for both terminal cities. Highly s .-pni at i..n.-. are made lor liostoii and iiiar.t one hundred lor New York. Three clerks assort N, w York City mails on tin- Wi stwar.l trip, and three i.t here, work PoMmi going east. Thai all tin's detail shall lu; carried out 1 i l l', eily th it no smallest buinlleof letters lor a little New Ihiglahd town or New York village shall fail to be ready locked ill th" proper pouch to be thrown oil nt Wore stei' or Suriiig fo hl for the branch road connections, it 's necessary that they shall be rapi I work nnd accurate brains a'ld Hying fingers in the railway post of fice, mid that each mull's head should be a cyelopie lia of the ease he works lit an 1 of postal geography in general. The average day's work of the night postal clerk begins at 7 o'clock in the evening and at (I o'clock the next morning he is glad to triable into a bed in the domitory in the post olliee building and sleep the sleep of weari ness. ( u Sundays h ; tv. rl;s eighteen hours, an 1 six flays a week he average thirteen hours. That he lives as long as other folks is due to the fact that he has nu alb rmiie week on and week oil' the year round. The clerical force of the night servic.! of liostoii, Spring field uud New York llailway post of lie; consists of thirty-six men who take turns oil the night crew. This poslotlice oil wheels, as it stands sidetracked at the lirainl Cen tral Station with mail wagons rattling 11 1 1 to discharge their freight of pouches mid the express wagons clattering in to add their loads t ) the express cars ahead, is olio of the hush st places in nil New York about 1) o'clock every nighl. Il is but two minutes before starting time anil the chii f clerk is dancing on the leathern pile with excitement. One wagon load is late It was due ten Minutes ago. It is now only one min ute before the start. A clatter ol hoofs, a rush ol wheels, a jolt as the wagon backs hastily against the car and 1 hi' thuds of the pouches come thick and fast ami In avy, the last one falling as the train moves. The clerk slides to the do. ir with a sigh of relic! and falls to with his ii-sistnuts to drag the last pouches out of the aisle and pile them up for future emptying, as the train clatters over the Chinese puzzle of switches and signals, red given and white in the darkness. The railway Post Oilieo is a busy place, mid the men turn to their cases with scarcely a word over miles and miles of jouriiet ing. The letter cm contains eight eases four on cither side, with a broad aisle between; two .sections of pouch racks, tworeti I'sible tables, and bet mid the sliding doors a space for the mail pouches. On the eastward trip two cases are devoted to Massachusetts, one to Maine, two to liostoii, one to Connecticut, one to New I lauipshii e, and one lo Vermont. There are in the M iss ichiiset ts case bill pigeon holes. These t ight cases o 'Ciipy more than hall the car space. Then comes the pouch section where a score of potichi s hanging on hooks on cither side of the ear. P.i low tin single upper row of bags on the car sides hang double lows ol pouches 011 long iron frames. '1 lie men at the letter cases ate separating, distribut ing, bunching, and tying letters un der 11 glare of gaslight. They nre sonic of them working in their shirt sleeves, for Hie car is warm, though it is chilly outside in tho darkness. They are a clear-eyed, intelligent set of men ; perhaps less robust than the day workers, because thirteen hours of night work, standing in the jar of a Hying train, with the brain tense and the eyes sharpened is not the most healthful life in the world. There are men who are nt the tables e.nptying tho pouches in a great heap mid sorting the bundles of letters in piles to be turned over to the men at the cases. Tho pouches are then hung in tho ruck under tho proper labels, and the sorted are thrown into their respective pouches. The work is all done abiiosl automatically in its quick ness and routine, nnd by and by the e'erk in charge funis the chance be tween stops to sit on 11 pile of mnilbaeh aud philosophize. "Yes," he comments, "a man has to keep his wits about him in this busi ness, or be doesn't stay in it long. I've been railroading in a mail car for 11 good many years, and I've got used to the life, but I'm pretty well used up at the end of my week, and willing to lie by. Thirteen hours a day and eighteen Sundays of this sort of work is a trying puce. About fi o'clock to morrow morning you'll understand what I iiicim. While wo are on the go and on the jump to get the pouches ready for the next station we don't feel it so much, but some mornings I've got into the stations so tired that it seemed as if ill live minutes more 1 should have to drop. What salary? Well, a mail clerk is wry well con tented on s: M) a year; he is a happy man on .1,2.H, and he can't get much beyond tliat. There is one thing about it, though, Uncle Sam is sure pay, an I if a man keeps up to hi-, average in work and per cent on his examinations ami remains honest, he is sure of his place, no matte'' what hard limes there are in other Hues." New York Sun. Terrapins as Pets. The latest fad in the way of domes tic pets are the diamond-backed i er ra pi iif. They cm be found now iu artists' studios, men's smoking rooms, and even in the lady's boudoir. The terrapin is a most convenient pet so fur us feeding liim is concerned. You can train him to cat almost any thing in the way of meat, or if you do not give him anything to eat at nil for a year or so it does not appear to distres him to any greal degree. It only increases his wakefulness and ac tivity. At first he will only feed in water, and wiil eat nothing but hard or soft shell crabs and clams. He is especially fond of the former. Aft-r a lime, however, as he becomes more domesticated, he will readily devour cooked beef or million chopped up line, and will learn to take it out of your bund. When first introduced into tho domicile the diamond-back is very resthss. lie seems to want to investi gate every possible corner of tho house. but as si. 011 ns he has taken the bearings of his quarters he sub sides into a condition of quiet con tent and will allow you to fry and teach him tricks. Charles H. John son, the artist, has a very tame terra pin at bis studio. Mr. Johnson's diamond-buck knows his footstep. As soon as he enters his nppnrtmeiit tho t-rrapiii will always crawl out front under some luieee of furniture in the hope, oo- ibly, of being fed. Every body who possesses 11 dialiictld-back speaks of the i'. adiin i.s with which Ihcv can be tamed.-New York World. Ft. reign Postage Kates, Vinb r a eei iaiu sect ion of the re vised statutes of Hie United Slates it is provided that the rate of United Slates postage on mail matter sent to or re ceived from foreign countries with which dill'eieul fates have not been i i.tabl ished by postal convention or other iirraieeineiit, when forwarded by vessels regularly employed in trans porting the mail, shall be ten cents for each half ounce or fraction thereof mi letters, unless reduced by orders of the postmaster general; two cents each on newspapers, and not exceed ing two cents per each two ounces, or fraction thereof, on pamphlets, period cals, books ami other printed matter. As all the countries and colonies, with ihe exception of Cape Colony, Orange Free Stab- c.-rt du islands me now em brace. I in the Universal Postal Union, Postmaster Carr was informed that alter January I, S:).",, the postage rates and conditions applicable to articles of correspondence mailed in the United Stales, addressed for de livery within Hie Universal Posts Union, shall be applicable also tu similar articles addressed for delivery at places not embraced 111 the Univer sal Postal Union, except articles des tined for Canada, Mexico or the United States postal agency at Shang hai, China, to which more liberal post age rates and conditions now apply. Philadelphia Ledger. SnlislacliM'ily Arranged. Join s My wife prefers linen sheets and I prefer c ittmi. Hobinsoii How do you manage? Jones Oh, wo compromise, Ibdiinson How's that? Jones Well, we or compromise j ou cotton. I Keep at It. If p-iti ispnct lo conquer, In tho battle of to-day. You will liuvn to blow your trumpet In a firm and sliaidy way. If you ."t your little whlsll" And then lay aside the horn. There's not a soul will over know . That sueli a man was born. The man that owns his aeres I . iho man that plows all day ; And the man that ke'q.s a humping Is the man that .s here to stay. Jlnt th- man that advertises With n sort of sadden jerk Is tho man that blames lie printer lieeilllse it didll't Work. lint the iiiiiii that kMs Mm business t'si's brainy printers' ink. Not a duller and u sputter, lint mi ad that makes you think. And lo- plans his n Ivertisoatenls, And lo- plans his well-bought stock,' And th- fill u ro of Ids business Is as s i l l as a r'.i'k. - Printers' luk. Ill M0IMH S. In nil bicycle races, it will bo no ticed that the rider stoops to conquer. Moonbeams ni'i said to be excellent building material for c.i.-tles in tho air. Why is nn undertaker like a skin flint? 15 cause he in always screwing people down. The tombstone is about tho only thing that can stand upright and at the same time lie on its face. "There, are a good many pooplo who are well enough iu their weight, but the coal man is not among them. Sleepless Mini What is the best way to kill a cat? Friend Any way, any way, so that you make a sure thing of it. "Is the minister's wife a woman of quiet taste.?" Mrs. Wicks "Very. To sec hi-r you'd never suspicion she hud nny." "Where ar' you goini;, my pretty maid?" "1 am g-.ing n shopping, sir," she said, '('.an I go witi. you. my pretty niiild?" "N ; a bargain is what I want." she said. Man Why have you stopped using powder? Was it injuring your com plexion? Amy No, but it was 'ruining Charley's new coat. Flora I d ui't always do unto othcr3 as I'd have others do unto me. Clara Of course not. It isn't a girl's place to propose to a mini." "What sort of steak do they servo at your hoarding-house? "It is a good deal like a French novel rather tough, but very well done." Jigly I understand our barber i going into the livery stable business. Wigly He's been in the hack business ever since ho began shaving me. "Your son is n play actor you say, Mr. Mngiuiiis?" ''Faith, lie is." "And what rides does he piny?" "Faith, he roles up the curtain." Fred Have you seen (llibb today? Ellis Yes, mid he seemed to be put out about something. "No wonder: Amy's father put him out last night." Friend If your wiishertvoiiirn charges by the piece il must bo rather expensive. Young Housekeeper Oh, no. Sle loses so many things that her bills are never high. The young man said : ' I love but thno." She looked up to the top Of a splendid ..vermi'hing troo And eried ; .! n-t amv, it seems to mo t I heard a chestnut drop." "I'on't you find that tho drinking habit grows on you?'' asked the curi ous investigator. "Law, no," cheer fully answered Mr. Lushfortli; "I reached the limit long ngo. " Calamity orator Now I want Homo intelligent workman to stand up hero nnd answer me one question. (Stout looking man gets up. ) Calamity ora tor Now sir, please tell me in tho presence of this audience, why yon don't have more work. Speak out I Lot the people hear. Workman Ho cause 1 have to sleep. Jiinson (hotly) I want lo sue 1'r, lloseiii for live hundred dollars dam ages. Lawyer (briskly) Yes, sir;ycs, sir ; what for? Jimsoti I bought 0 bottle of his toothache drops, paid oinJ dollar for 'em, and they didn't do n bit of good. Lawyer H'm ! Isn't live hundred pollars rather high damages to claim? Jliiisuti Yes ; but I sup pose your bill will be about four hun dred and ninety-nine dollars and I want to get my dollar back. The Kcirretted Lapse of Time, Huggins Why did Wigwag hrenk off his engagement with Miss Ohlgirl? Muggins On account of her pnst. Huggins What was the matter with it? Muggins Nothing, only ho thought it was too long. Philadelphia liecord. For the Other Man. "Poctor havo you a remedy for a troublesome cough?" "When does it annoy you most?" "Vbeii the man who has it comes hou r. '!.' in the fl it above, Inter-Oct-1 -
The Chatham Record (Pittsboro, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
Jan. 31, 1895, edition 1
1
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