Mill II. -A.. JL-OIVOOIS, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR. RATES ADVERTISING Oae square, one insertion- tl.- 0 One square, two insertions - l.tO One square, one month V 0 For larger advertisements liberal 1: racts will be made. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION, $1.50 PER YEAR Strictly In Advance. VOL. XVII. PITTSI50RO', CHATHAM CO., N. 0., MARCH 21, 1895. NO. so. Lnuirh a Little Hit. Hero's n motto j it-t y nir 111 -J.iiughn littlo t it. When yor think you're trouble bit, Laugh u little bit. Look inisfortuu" in tho face, Jirnve tliu beldam's rude grimace , T"U to one t'will its place, If you have the wit ami gr.t Just to laugh a littlo Lit, Cherish this lis pnorod writ I.nugh u littlo bit, Ki'rp it with you, sample It, I.iltlo ills will sure betide yo i, Fortuuo may not sit beside ymi. Men tuny muck ami f:ii- .i-rtilt you, Iiut you'll miml thiMii not u whit If you laugh n liltio I it. J. E. V. Cookk, in Cheerful Moments. Something Did Happen. 1IY HKt.KN W. IMEI1SON. Aunt Sehih hustled uliout tho kitch en, setting out butter, sugar uml fliXir on the table, ninl keeping an eye on tlio stove, whore n clear tiro ivim burning. It was a warm Juno day and tlio hent was intense, but Aunt Sjlnh did tint feci it. Her dusky face, which was iih wrinkle! as u dried per Hiiumon, showed some anxiety ns she peered out of the dour nw mid then. "Ef dat nihil de beatcliess chil she muttered. "How I gwiuo to lin k dnt yer hull'day cake union no nigi uu' it's n hull hour liy do clock soiioe Missy went n-liuntiu' dcni yer iggs. Just then n Blender hazel-eyed girl, with her gold-brown curls living in tho wind, rodo up to (he little whit gate, which opened into the neglected garden. She jumped dow n from her poiiy with wondrous agility, and cried out: "Hero they are, Aunt fteluh ; I didn't break one. " "A riilin' bar-hark jess Ink u oirouss gal," signed Aunt Seldi as she. took tho eggs. "An din yo' litteciith bull' day, too! Yo's 'ntos n young Indy mi' howyo' gwiiie ter git manners out yor in dis w iM.Tuess is wut I'su studyin' 'bout." "Oh. we'll never mind that now,' cried Elsie, her checks glowing and her eyes like stars ' I'eihups I'll gel irnna to bv that little bunk called 'Don't' and then I'll know everything that I'm not to do. Kiit I do want something out of tho way to h:ip en todav became it is mv birthdiiv and birthdays ought lint to lu just like other days. Only nodiiiig ever dues haipeu '' "Dohn Vo' go ii-heiiviu' ob yos 11' ill do fnc J ub rrovidenee," said Aunt Selah as sho briskly whipped up the eggs. "Ho tek car' of de widowlcs nil' orpliunlcss nn' gili deiu meiit in due Reason. '' "Rut I want chicken to lay," laugh ed Elsie. Then tiie laugh soeint d suddenly frozen on her lips, for she saw coming in nt th-' gale, her father Hiipported by the hired man .foe, and looking ghastly pule. "Par now, I ycred do sipiineh owl sipiineli las' night," cri.l Aunt Selah ns she ran out. "I rceknocd some bud luck bellll' be selil." Elsio felt helpless for n moment. Then hIio also Ib'W to her father's side. "It's nothing bail, dearie," he said, seeing her frightened face. "Only a sprain. Aunt Sehih wil; lix me up all right, don't fret." "Dellaw ! 1 reckon I kin doctor a sprained nukle,'-said Aunt Solnh, 'but yo' boun' ter stay on yer back for a week. I tell yo' pintedly. Yo' sholy will." "That's the worst of it," groaned Mr. Carter, ns they helped him to his room. "Kluio, my dour," he whin pered, as soon as ho was laid on his bed and Aunt Sehih had gone for Homo "foincntin' spirits," "tin re's something you mil -t do for iiij now that I cannot do it myself." "tiladly, ibar pupa. What is it?" nnd Klsio leaned down to hear tho commission. "You know them's a mortgage, of $500 on this farm," ho replied strug gling, evidently with a good deal of pain ns ho spoke. "Si Iiangs Inn sud denly railed for tho money. Tho fact is he'd liko to g t hold of tho prop erty. IIo thinks ho has got inn in a tight place and that 1 can't ruiso tlio money. Hut I lutvo got it safe hero and I want it put in tho bunk at ISrau don before threo o'clock. I don't want to keep it in the house over night in thin lonely place. You can carry it dearie. You don t mind a teii-iuile ride?" "Of course 1 don't, but I hato to leave you. " "Oh, I'm all right; Aunt Sehih is a famous nurse. Here's tho money in this pocketbook. It's nil in twenty dollar bills. I've hud hard work get ting it together, but I've saved otic home. I'd like to see Si Rungs' menu face when ho gets it. IIo thought ho wus putting the screws on just at tho right time. You hud better go right away, my pet. " Elsie took tho well-worn pocket book ODd then leaned down to kisH her father. Hor sunny face had grown tierious. Shu felt that she hud an im portant work to do. "My birthday will not be liko oiher days, after all," i-ho said ns who mounted tho pony. This time, she used tho pretty side Middle her father hud given her for ft birthday gift. "How gay tho prairie flowers look," bho thoiitrht as tdio rode along, "and all tho leaves seem to bo merrily dancing. Rut I'm rather lonesome somehow ! I wonder how it would seem to havo a rcid birthday party with lots of girls dressed up in pretty frocks mid bovs in their best suits and on their best behavior. 1 really believe I wouldn't know how to talk to them unless thev cared for birds and flowers and horses us I do Topscy, you're too gay this morning. Per haps you'vo found out it's my birlh day, but you needn't try to stand on your head by way of celebrating it." The' shining black pony seemed to feel his oats that div or else there was (oiuetliiug in. commonly exhilarating in the air, for ho ruojd along at a great pace, ami now nnd then ap poured to havo a notion of stopping for a little dance. When Klsio had goiio half way to Brandon she saw a man on horn 'biiivi about a hundred yards m advance ol her. "Jlo K'.-clus to have come up suddenly nut of the ground," s!io said to herself, ami as she said it the horseman stopped and was apparently waiting for her. "He's a stranger, perhaps, nnd wants ho impure the way," thought Elsie, without fear. Tim in.in had l -on riding bard and looked us though he had also been drinking hard. A t hutch of black tangled hair showed be ith an old cloth cap. Ho wore a red flannel shirt and a pair of clay-colored cor duroy trousers th it were stuffed into high boots. His face was sallow and his eyes black and bloodshot. The Hjiot was a lonely one. There was not a habit ttioii in sight. Ho did not s . ak a word till Elsie had reached his side. Mv. n then he caught her In i lie silently turning her horse about and bringing her to a full stop! One look into the sodden face, with its cruel, black, bloodshot eyes, made the young girl tremble. "I've been u-waitin' for you," said the man hoarsely; "fork over that there money ! No sliinauvgin." The trees see.'iiel splniiin,' about her. The sun s emed md lenly blot ted out in th; sky. Then strange liery ilashe.i undo ipieer figures in the blackness ! Kl-io had n 'ver fainted i:i her lite, but soul uml sense seemi! 1 to swoon away as she saw the man holding a pistol near her head and heard la n voice that appeared to he a long way oil', 'Quick the oof. If I shoot you first I can get it without trouble, but I always was too softdioarted. The oofty-oof, I say." "Oh !" gasped Elsie, with a chill nt her heart, "what is it you want?" "I want the i'-t'MI that your dad got today. I was ii-watchin' him, though ho didn't know it, mid I heard him say ho was a-goiu' to batik it. So I liorrei's a lior.se from a pal and waits for him here. Rut you've eoiiio'stead of him. Worry good. Rut us bank iu' is a disgiistin' way of takiii' care of money jest hand it over to me. (line, bo quick; tlio shiuo-spooudu- lieks the ducats. I'd givo you live seconds an' then, if you don't givo it I'll take it." "One! Five seconds, remember !" A great pulse seemed to beat from the crown of Elsie's head to her feet. "Two!" The ground was rising up like the waves of a sea, green waves that "Three 1" With a sudden inspiration Elsie took tho great, old fashioned pocket book out of her pocket, and before the man could divine h-r purpose she had Hung it as far away ns possible. With nn oath ho released her bri ;llo, lurched from his saddle, drop ping his pistol us he did so, and stag gered away in search of it. Elsie gave Topscy a sharp blow, and he, not being accustomed to such treatment, sprang nil at an astound ing pace. Moro than that, in dinging out his lieeln he hud struck the thief's horse, which immediately took that as a challenge for a race, and the clatter of his hoofs instigated Topscy to mad- ler speed. Elsie caught her breuMi. She felt as if she were on a living ma chine or in the van of a locomotive, but she clung fast. Only so accom plished a rider could have kept her seat through that wild rush. Sparks f lire kindled in the air and seemed to fall in showers nbout her. Topsey knew tho road to his stable and kept it. Ho preferred going that way, too, and was delighted at having n coiiipnnion. "Mnrcy Hakes!" cried Aunt Sehdi a j eho heard the noise nnd How to the door, "ef dar aiu' missey buck ng'ti fin' Topsey's douo brung comp'nyl Del hi w, wutever is do matter?" She was just in time to c itch tho dizzy girl in her arms as she fell from her seat with a face as white lei snow, drawing hor breath in short gasps. "Take me to pnpn " she faltered ; "oh, poor, poor pnpn." Topsey stood quietly enough now, though ho trembled nil over mid tho white hither spotted his shining coat. Tho other horso was evidently not n bit tho worse for the nice, nn I looked about him in great content. "Whut dono coino over yo', hon ey?" asked Aunt Sehih. "Yo's ii-shiv-erin' Ink an ng r fi " "Oh, don't n-.i me!" cried Elsie, suddenly bursting into tears, and then, as she entered her father's room and looked into his anxious face, wringing hor hands, sho ex claimed : "Oh, pnpn ! I could not help it it's gone stolen." And with many sobs sho told tho story. Mr. Carter's heart sank like a stone in his hi'cict us ho listened to it, and w hen it wns finished Aunt Selah, from whom neither he nor his daugh ter had ti n v secrets, Hung her apron over her head and left the room. "My darling, we have olio another," ho said at hist, drawing her fondly to him. "Wo must make a new home. Any phioe will bo home to mo where you lire." At that, moment they heard a great nnd joyous cry, nnd Aunt Selah came puffing nnd punting l ack again. "Do Lawd be praised !" she fairly shouted. "How come yo' say dat yo' money lost? Yore's a pocketbook n-biilgiii' an' a-biistin' wid bills dat 1 done tine in tho strange ho.-s' holsters. Dollaw ! 1'so glad Topscy 'viteil him ter come along. " And she held up n well-stulVod wal let. 'That that's not ours !" stammered Elsie. Reckon 'tis your'ii it sho'iy is," cried Aunt Selah. "Dat yer bur geleor aihn coiniu' after it. I'll beta cooky " "Count tho money, pnpn. It looks like a lot," exclaimed Elsio in great excitement. Her father counted 8S00, while Aunt Selah stood near, ejaculating now ami then "Praise de Rawd!" "An' liar's ill! lio.ss, too!" bho said. "Ij iws, Missy, I aihn gwine say n word 'bout you tariu' an I rariu' agin. Yo' jess made n gran' scoop dat yer time, an I'll bo boun' yo' nihil tiuwer had a hull'day like dis hyer one. Yo' was ii-hopiu' for sniuethiii' to happen outer tho common, an, I 'low now, yo'il agree dut Hoinethiii' has sho'iy happened. " So tlio birthday was merry enough after all. And 1 am happy to state that the drunken nilli.iu whoso wicked plot hud been so providentially foih d was never heard of again. Detroit Free Press. All Insolent ( uplain I! dinkeil. The lir.st ocean navigation with a st Jam vessel in tho world began in tlio harbor of N.-w York, as the lirst river navigation did. The experiments of John I'. Steven:! in the use of steam upon ships prove ! successful in the year ISDN and tho Phoenix, built in that time in llohokcn, was sent around to tho Deiewaro river. It had b 'en intended for the Hudson river, but tho monopoly of Livingston and Fulton prevented its use there. In INl'.t the ocean was crossed by a steam vessel built in the harbor of Now York. It was called the S ivaniinh, was of tons burden, with an engine of '.10 horso power. After completion it went to Savannah, (iu. , and thence to Liverpool ami St. Petersburg. Her whole sailing time from Suvnniiiili to St, Petersburg was 'Jll days. From the capital ol liussia sue rciurncii io .e York. She attriioted much attention in tho Morse v. While there she kept her color? Hying, and she was gavly decorated with bunting. The commander of a Hritish.iniiii-of-wiir conceived the idea that this parade of colors were con trived to insult him and ho scut n boat's crew to notify Captain Dodd that if he did not take don u his pen nant n force would be sent that would tako it down for him. Captain DoddV only response was nu order to tho cu geer. "ict the hot water engine ready." Tho boat's crew very speedily loft and no disturb hum took place. Ship ping and Commercial List. Mire Cure. Sho--I heir tint Charlie Hriggs hut. lost his sight and tho physician say ho is incurable. He--Rosh! All he has to do is to get miirrio I and ho'll have his eyes opened. Judge. ( IlIUmKVS (0LIM.V. IT WAS SUI T. "S un. shut the shutter." Mother Hydn ra!e,l,with li'ircnp-striiiKs all a-llutter. "I've shut tln shutter." S:i:n replied ; "Ami I eau'l shut it any shj'ter." 1.1. T. (ireenleaf in St. Nicholas, A WITTY ItKI-r.Y. The Crown Prince of Germany, though only about twelve years old, Tun ii very ready wit ami a ipieer way of saying things. IIo sees tho funny side of a situation at once. One day, while visiting Potsdam, the little Prince was amusing himself by trying to make a donkey draw a carl. Put tho donkey was stubborn and would not "go." "Your donkey h m a groat deal of will power," called out the Emperor, who hud been watching the struggle between his little soli ami tho stub born beast. "Oh, no, pnpn," replied the little Prineo quickly, "it isn't his will power that troubles me. It is his won't power. Ho won't go." The Amusing Journal. A KAVII'SHX A MONO lilUllS. Very interesting fieds about those cxlraoiditiaiy bird', the penguins, were learned during tho Hritish Au larclic Expedition of IH'.t ;l. The largest, us well ns tho rarest of tho penguins, iH tho emperor penguin, first seen by Captain Cook. These birds sometimes weigh as much as seventy live or eighty pounds, uml the mus cles covering their breasts contribute1 moro than oii'-third of their entire weight. A very large specimen was captured nnd taken on board ship during the expedition just referred to. Standing erect, in the sheen of its plumage, it seemed clothe 1 with gold and purple, ami w hite uud black. Presently it gave nil exhibition of its extraordinary strength. One blow of its llipper-like fore limb sent nn im pertinent dog howling oil' to nurse his hend. Five men were required to se cure tho penguin, uud they succeeded only with great d Hie lit v, one holdin;; to each leg, one to each Hipper, and one grasping the neck. After being strongly bound, the muscular bird suc ceeded in breaking loose. Another indication of the iinnicut-c strength of tho fore limbs, or flippers, of tho penguin is the! fact that, with their aid, tho birds arc able to leap perpendicularly out of the water to a height of threo feet or more, landing upright on a cako of io . Th 'y ap proach closo to tho edge of the icj bo fore milking tho leap, nu 1 jump di rectly upward. Y'outL's Companion. mtoiiv op riiiscK i:iri:t. Kim. Almost all Americ in children have seen pictures of the little Ccrmun princes, sons of tin-German Emperor, bright-laced little fellows, who, in their play-hours, have jolly good times in true boy fiiihioii, t ! i 1 1 -r 1 th i rules for their education are very strict. The second soli, little Eitel Fritz, now about eleven years obi liu was born on the 7th of July, lsS.'l ho is a gentle little fellow, and raihcr timid iu disposition, so that his father some- times Use 1 to call him iu fun "the Princes." When he was six and the Crown Prince seven, their father thought it would in il.e them more uiaiily to sleep in a room alone. Neither of tho boys liked the change, but Eitel Fritz was particularly un willing to obey, mid s lid he was suro ho wouldn't bo able to sleep at all, he would be so frightened. Hut the boys Were told that soiuti olio Would sleep in tho rooms iu xt to theirs, nnd they need only call if anything disturbed them. So they were persuaded to try t lie new nrraiigeiu'tit, mid the Crown Prince soon fell asleep. Put after Prince Kitel Frit, had said "Good night" ho began to grow very rest less and timid iu the big, high room, and finally began to cry, at first softly, then louder and loiider.till ho screamed with all his strength in true child fashion. Unluckily the holy in charge of him had just left the next room for a short time, and the shrieks of tlm frightened littlo Princj die I away unheard. So he probably thought that his attend ants had merely tried to soothe him by promises and really left him with out protection, and, jumping from his b.nl. ho ran out of tho room scream ing for help. Just at that moment the lady came back and soon suec. edod in soothing him. Put this story shows that little princes are verv m ich like other chil dren all the world over, and have their troubles and trials, even if they do live iu palaces and have soldiers pies uit arms to them. Frank lo lie'', Weeklv. PKSTS OF IX 1)1 A. Horrible Realities and Possibilities That Torture One, A Rat Which Eats Your Hair at Night. "Along with the intense heat," snys a returned East Indian, "there go many varieties of noxious insects. The inosipiiloes swarm tho year round, Every bed is covered w ith a ten of niosipiito netting, mid it i i tho I usi ness of your boy, after having made the bed in the morning, to scare out all lingering mosquitoes and then draw the gauze curtains close nnd tuck tin m under the mattron-cH. On go ing to bed you make a littlo hole in the tent, get in ijuickly uud draw it tight again. House tiles are a constant nuisance, nnd there are great living cockroaches two inches long, which sometimes bite, uml at certain seasons leave their great wings lying about the Iioiim'. 'i hey eat one's patent leather shoes. Flying nuts, great black creatures, come iu swarms and also leave their great wings over everything. The cut ipede, an inch and a half long uud more v n hiioiis than th it of this country, gets into the house and often crawls upon the sleeper. So long us one keeps still there i- no duiiger, but the creat lire, if one moves, is likely to dig his claws into the llesh, and makes an unpleasant sore. S -or-pioiis abound. They come out of old woodwork and you find them iu books that have h ug lain unu.ed. Their bite is poisonous ami som 'tunes fatal, "Along with tho insects come the serpents. The c ibra is the most dan geroi.s. it seldom comes1 into the houses for some reason, though my small sister slept upon a pile of mats under which a sleeping cobra was afterwards found. I he e ibra, how ever, comes into tlio compound and often bites tho natives. E iropeaiis are seldom bitten by th.' cobra or other hii. ikes, bi ciuso tho European goes about ill boots that givo tho ser pent notice of his c. uning, nnd also perhaps protect him from tho bite. As a matter of fact serpents common ly met iu Iudii do not voluntarily go after human prey, but are probably more afraid of mm than mini of them A barefooted native, treading noise lessly, gives the serp uit no notice of his approach, nil I may unoon.-oioii.-ly step upon him, and then the creature bites iu self-defence. I knew n mi tivo gardener to bo bitten by n cobra. He tilled hiins If with whiskey and walked to keep himself awake. An Englishman whom I knew wus bitten by a cobra, and his friend promptly applied the same rem 'dies. They walked him all night against his drowsy protests and his earnest prayer that he bo permitted to sleep. His 1 fo was saved, but ho never really recovered from the shock, though ho lived many ye irs after. The brae .let snake is a familiar and venom. uu littlo wretch that takes pie isiuo iu coiling up iu one's boot during tlio night or in gel ling into the holes of on ,'s garni nts. One si .. lenrin to shako one's boots before patting them on. The natives have a curious aversion to killing snakes, and they have a superstition, shared by some I'.uropeans, that if a Cobra be shun its male will come to uvengn the act. Of course, there is no foundation for it, save perhaps that a widowed cobra comes in search of her unto and in-id euially me .'Is the hIiivi r. "Kilts abound in In !u in d get into houses ninl swarm aboard a ship. One great Indian rat, the bandicoot, with a snout like a pig, visits one's bed at night and chews the ends of one's hair. I knew a red-headed fellow n bonrd ship who used to grease his hail with oil or bear's greas . He was visited one night by a bandicoot, met came upon deck in xt morning with tho oddest evidence of the bandicoot's harhcring. 'Ihi! in 11 .U mi swarms in India, gets into the holi es, as all sort of W ild creatures do, since the doors are merely unclosed openings. 11: sniell is something tremendous, auo when lie merely eros es the cork of i, soda water hotllo he seems to scent the contents. "The bite of all insect, even though slight, or a small mre of nnv kind t nut would mxiii heal in a tempe'ati climate, in iv hang on for days n weeks ill the heat of III lis, and asllgiil illness greatly weakens one. E ii'ipeaii I tick liy seldom take t he native d: eus.'s. and, though cholera is eou-tait v pre; ent i 11 I iidrii, it is . v j !( j eas s in" peculiarly widc-proa I ,.j leinie,. fa t i; iv u-'ies t i Fur pi an I ;oi! ' .1 !' nut y. '. I er l.i -re, bui s'li-i!. ; r ,v.i t m! x . It 1 . a t. n r ;,, a i I. i 'II .'IV Mil V - I' -e I., . i, .,,! .,. i. 'f. .i s h s ii i 1 !iii!,i in E'.i o;i , doc!o:s, but they always tako tho European cholera mixture. Of course no European submits h iiicelf to a na tive doctor. Abscess of the liver is tho great terror of the European, though the land breeze comes laden with ull sorts of horrible possibilities, "The change of climate as ono goes from tbi const into tho mountains is like mii;;!c. On the journey up from Bombay to Maternn one starts with u pocketful of Indian cigars, trichtno polis, cheap long rolls of tobacco with a straw through them that they may draw. 'This is because they mo ex tremely wot. Put when ono reaches Materun he tinds his tri hiuopolis us dry at a punk. The thin atmosphere of tho heights hns sucked them dry of all th'.ir moisture. " New York Sun. The Mirage. The mirage c in be seen nearly every day in the plains of Low er Eypt, and also to ii limited extent iu the plains of Hungary and Southern Franco. Now and then something of the kind can be seen iu summer by stopping down and looking along our sandy coasts such asMorecambe Pay and the coast of Devonshire, or over the Fen dis trict, nt that season dried up by the Milline r In at. We must remember that the miiac of tie! desert creates nothing, but merely inverts bodies that ueiuilly ex ist a little distance oil'; though iu the' Sahara, skylight rays descending lire bent upward by the hot air next the sand, and the eye is actu illy deluded by uu impression resembling the re Ibction of skylight from water, the illusion being increased by the flicker ing due to convection C irreiits, sug gesting tho ell'octs of a breeze on the wa'er. Many of tho descriptions given ol the mirage are "travelers' tab's" in the iincoinpli'i ' uy sense. One of tin; most nl extravagant ex amples of tin i .. following: "This treacherous phenomenon deludes the traveler's eye w ith u regular succession of beautiful lakes and shady avenues, itint then, again with nn expanse of waving grass around a picturosipie villa ; hero is presented a gl ove of towering trees; there a Hock of brows ing cattle.'' Chambers's Journal. The TiiM'iin I'easiiul. In Tuscany you will often lind peas ants whose families have been on tho same farm for two or three hundred years. They talk of theins'iv.'s us gente (die li una i geti-.j of th 'pnl rone (landlord), and take an iill'eetion ale interest iu him and his family, lint tin! Tuscan peasant is a thorough conservative; ho lias not yet gras e I tho changes brought about by rail roads, steamboats nnd international communication. He hankers after ii largo extent of land on which to grow wheat enough to provide bread for th.; whole year, uml is inclined to regard other crops as accessories. With the actual low price of corn this docs not suit tho owner, particu larly as it is customary in Tuscany to grow wheat two years running on the same land, with little or no manure. So soon as the corn is carried (i ally in July) the stubble is plowed up, and maize or millet is grown for early iiitumn cutting ns green fodder. The yield of wheal is of course wretched, from six to thirteen fold, nnd en lightened proprietors who possess the requisite capita! arc dividing their larger farms and building the iutos snry farmhouses. Miicmillau's Maga zine. lo:rs ami Their I. "gal liights. An English Judge rcc titly lined a d ig-faiieii'i' $J" for cropping a bull terrier's ears. lie held that the cus lo n was a criminal one, nor could he be. moved from his determination to di -couiage the extirpation of outlying oils of animal anatomy even by the ingenious argument advanced in de fense of the extirpator that if man lidii't cut off a bull-terrier's ears, some oile r bull terrier might bite tlcin n l' in a wholly careless mid un scientific way. The learned Judge, it is roportcl, inside answer that ".I i better to let the dog take the chance of having his cars bitten oil" by a I1 utile ' dog, with a chance of u bile on hisoMii i. cecum, than to expose him to the certainty of having them ainpiibted by a dog-fancier, without i chance of returning the compli ment. " The Japanese Smile. The Japanese smilo is the nust untie a bio thing about the island peo ple, '.''III! people sec. n always good, natur: d, mi l smile bk; th"ir own stone god .. O.ic it is said, the I '.ii d dli i and the la I la lie. of his smile lighted up all th i worlds. Pot a vniiv Hue, i ii ig: "It Is n ,t reil. 1; (an nul I is'," an t Ihe 1 gut a'.sed nwav. Nevt-lhel.-s-, lain, i o Is irro eiirv d Villi a ils.i i ; Millie ipin'i fiei" , ii;. ,- ;, tun 1. N -w Y.i;!; K io.,;- Jr, The Norland Wind. The south winil on the lull Ami the wet wind on tho lea I'.ut better than Uu so I love The north wind on the sea. i'nr the north wind on the sea Is fearless an 1 elate : I II" ocean, vat ami free, i not moro great. On tho hill tlie south wind laughs! Where th:' blue doml-shailowi tl e; I he west wliu! lakes tho mead With a ripple of gleo; J'.nt the north wind on the deep Is the w ind of winds for me - Spirit of dauntless life, Ami Lord ol" I.il. rty! William Suahf iimouors. Out w ard bound Ihirrels. The weighs of the world Avoirdu pois and troy. It is no compliment to an egg to say that it "can't be beat. " Why lire women the biggest thicvos in existence? iieeiiuse they steel their petticoats, bone their stays, crib their babies and hook their eyes. He Why do you siv ho is a man of good repute? 1 liuderst llnl d ffereut ly. Sin He has the reputation of being worth a million, hasn't he? "Any iil who marries a man to re form him," says the Harlem philoso pher, "would bo fool enough to tlcklo the hind ipiurters of mi army mule." Stranger Is there a man up hero in your neighborhood with a glass eyo named Z azly? (irnnger No. Tho people around hero don't name their eyes. Tom Von look aw ful blue. I sup pose it's booaiisj of Miss Maybello's having r. j -cted you? Cholly Yes; I can't help feeling sorry for tho poor girl. Maud Did you have a good time at the club, I! lie? Hello Oh, love ly ; Mrs. Sin rlier gave us a charming seieiit lie talk on "The I're-Hysterie Man." UereheeUs ar" like th" red. rod rose, With carmine tints imbued ; The only ihlTeren is this: The rose eall't In' renewed. "I thought you told mo that Miss lirown had spent a good deal of money on her voice?" "Well, so I did." "iiut she e m't sing." "Well, I didn't say that she colli I, did I?'' Princess S iwdoil'-ki - Why did the Emperor scud tho (ianl D.iko Ver trovua to Siberia? Prince Sawdoflski The D-.iko casually alluded to his Majesty us a young Ts irdiue. Organist (io grumpy next-door neighbor) -I'm so sorry you've been ill ! What have you been suffering from? Ennui deal Neighbor (acidly) Organic disturbance, my dear sir. Acquaintance Mr. Ibillioli, let me introduce my frien 1 June 4. I've just been telling him how you made your pile. Mr. IJulliou (slightly deal) - (iiad to know you Major Pi les. Wife (severely) I'd have you know, sir, that I always keep my temper. Husband (soothingly) Of course you do, my do ir. Of course you do, and 1 wish to goodness you'd get rid of it. "Hlvkins doesn't so mi like a very ener;etio fellow," said tho charitable man, "but there is a good deal that he doesn't get credit for." "M iybo there is," replied tho gossip ; "but his grocer says not." "If a doubt should eouie between us." She fa fret faintly out ; lint th" w"iv he moved up nearer lie led no room lor doubt. Jagwi 11 What makes that hen in your backyard c.icklo so loud? Wig wag Oh, they've just laid a corner stone across the street, and she's fry ing to make tho neighbors think sho did it. Jones Why don't yon go to work and earn a living? My dear, Smith, what's the use? I tried it once for a very little while, mid no sooner did I earn a dollar than I had lo spend it. So I gave it up. Ho What allowance do you think your father ought to make us when wo nro mnrtied? She Well, if ho makes ample allowance for your faults, I think ho will bo doing all that ran bu expected of him. Kinks Who is the stingiest man that yon know? Dinks Old Closelist. Ho always gets on tho back sent of the street car so that ho can keep his nickel until tho conductor has got everybody else's fare. Elder Sister (patronizingly) Going to bed, I suppose? What a shame! Never mind ; in a few years you will bo invited out, too. Youuger Sister (independently) Yos; mid in a fow years you will not be iuvitod out. Mr Do Neat It seonis to me that for a man who claims: to deserve charity, you h.. a very red uoso. Moldy Mike Vts, mum; the ehea,i soaps that us poor people hns to use is very hard oil tho complexiou, mum.

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