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VOL. XVIII.
PITTSBORO', CHATHAM CO., N. C, OCTOBER 10, 1895.
NO. 7.
Utory,
Traffic Son?.
Ifct erlcknts In the corner sing,
O'er fnrm and field the shadows creep
Their homeward way the swallows wing
Tlio sun Is setting In tlio deep.
The squirrels seek their leafy hold,
The fox is in his hollow tree,
And, huddled In their silent fold,
The downy lambkins sleeping be.
The little bird within his nest
Iiath hid his little head iu rest,
And soon, oh, soon
Tho dreamy moon
Will tall olong the fleecy west;
The day Is done,
The night b'guii,
Bo sleep, my drowsy little one.
Hut when at peep of day wo see
The spider weaving at Ids loom,
The soaring lurk abmo the loa,
Tlio bee amid tlio clover bloom ;
Who wake
And sip the lcvo nf morning dew,
When baby foxes from the brake
Do prowl tin thorny hodge9 through.
When on tho meadows swesl with hay
Tho white and curly lambkins play,
Anil, fresh and cool,
O'er plain mid pool,
Blowelh the broe.e of coming day,
Thou, too, t-linlt rise
To sunny skic,
And open wide thy baby eyes.
4 JtowAN Stevens.
A DISCARDED TOY.
BV GWENDOLEN OVERTON.
He hnil been brought up with a
good, old-fushiouod reverence for
women, a belief in young love, nod a
conviction that the prinoo and princess
always marry and livo happily ever
after. It v as a faith as pleasant to
himself ns to tho. women whom it con
cerned, and it inado hitn a favorite,
being blest besi lea in talent, beauty,
and an upright soul. Iu admiring all
of tho gentler sex ho yet kept free his
heart until ho should find "olio" who
would clu in it by right of her superi
ority to even her superior kind.
And nt lust ho found her. All tho
virtues and accomplishments were hers.
She was yonng and exceedingly fair,
dainty, sweet, shy, mid coy, dim pi ml
and demure, and sho loved Ferris as
cadet was never loved before. Ho
had not known this witching maiden
more than a month when ho made offer
of his heart and han I a h 'art no less
loyal for boating beneath an exceed
ingly snug gray coat nbla.o with thoso
brass buttons which lire generally
taken ns the isisigniu of fickle Cupid,
and a hand no less firm for being cased
at tho moment iu regulation white
gloves. It was her first romance since
leaving school, and Kitty Foster made
haste to accept it.
There was never yet a man who
bore his honors so m.'ekly as Ferris;
ho boasted neither in word of deed,
and Kitty, being really afriid aud
being d-oply in love with him, did
actually refrain from telling every one
iu profoundest secrecy that she and
tho stalwart West Pointer had plighted
their troth. Not even her mother
was confided in, which caused Kitty
many a sleepless live minutes, as she
had no love of ui.dei hmid dealings for
their own sake.
There was ouly a mouth of blissful
existonco, and thn Kitty hit I to join
her family at Angel Island, putting
the whole wide continent and a strip
of salt water between Ferris and her
self. Sho had her debut to make iu
army circles.
She was one of those women, rarest
of all the good thi.igs of Providence,
who weep prettily, o when she laid
her daiuty head on Ferris' shoulder
and wiped tho tears fro:u her cheeks
with a filmy iiuukerehie', tho poor
fellow was well nigh distraught, what
with the sorrow of pur tins and his
love fortius wee bit of sobbing worn in
hood. Nor did his infatuation let eu ns the
weeks nud months went by. Kitty
bad warned him that hu must writo
neither too often nor too affectionate
ly, as her mother would see the let
ters. Ferris followed the first duty of
n soldier, but consoled himself by
having made for his lady-love n pin,
of tho sort known as "stick," and de
stroyed the design straightway that
there might never be another fashion
just like it again. The ntteutiou aud
tho piu itself pleased Kitty mightily;
she wore it on the diiy she left the
Point, with many promises to bo
faithful ami never to part from that
pin for one day or hour.
With Kitty went nil tho pleasure of
life lor Ferris, and ho eschewed social
pastimes that he might devote him
self to work and prove a crodit to
Miss Foster, his district, and his
congressman. So, in duo time, he
"passed," and passed well; but chose,
nevertheless, the infantry branch of
the service, merely because Captain
Foster was an infantryman. Then ho
wont to his home, and from there
wrote a long letter to Kitty, and told
her of his success; suggesting that, as
ho was now an officer of the army, and
that the pay of a second lieutenant
was assured him, it might be well to
announce their engagement, with the
consent of her family. He also added
that ho would run out and soo her be
foro joining his company, if she
wished.
Two letters remained unanswered.
Ferris accused tho mail system and
sent a third. He waited long aud
anxiously for a reply. It enmo when
ho was safe iu Sun Antonin, with many
miles between himself and Miss Fos
ter. Kitty's letters had never been of
a sort to give Ferris any hold upon
her; they were non-commitul to a de
gree, but the second li'iitenunt had
ascribed that to her fear of her
mother's supervision and disapproval.
This one was still more guirdod. No
Veferenco whatever was m ido to tho
point ho had pressed, further thau to
say that he wis imprudent. A mighty
spirit of rebellion arose iu Ferris at
this reproach. Slio could play fast
and loose with him no longer. Kitty
should acknowledge him or give him
up. inree days and tlireo nights no
waited, that his anger might be
calmed, that ho might do nothing
rash ; then ho s it him down and wrote
unto his refractory lady-love a letter
mingling offi 'i il formality and irre
pressible affection. It partook of tho
nature of a war department communi
cation and a Sapphic, and was calcu
lated to bring even an inconsequent
little boing liko Kitty to terms.
Ferris's anxiety in waiting to hoar
his fate pronounced took the form of
a nervousness which drove him to un
wonted social activity. H i hid always
done his duty in tlio mitter of cilia
and the hundred little affairs of eti
quette which are peculiar to the ser
vice and are as binding as tho lnws of
the Medes and Persians ; but ho had
never gone in for the mild dissipation
of a garrison nenr to a town. He was,
therefore, reckoned as little addition
to tho social life, although ho was
"promising" o 11 rinlly. HU c lot aiu's
wile Had taken him under her wing
upon his arriv.il, as all good captain's
wives should, and had incorporated
him into tho family, where he became
a prime favorite with a pair of model
little boys iu knickerbockers and
curls. The hands of these children
wero always clean and their voices well
modulated, their huir smooth, nnd
stockings whole. Ferris believed that
this was no way fur boys to be, and
labored to convince Mrs. Irwin that
chapped ond dirt-seauied lingers, lusty
lungs, short nud touseled hair, and
ruined clothing are the natural con
ditions of a boy. Mr. Irwin was uot
to be won over, and begged that ho
would not put such notions into the
sleek little hentK Ferris, however,
was au earnest reformer and not to bo
turned from his pirpose, so he b -g'in
a course of trainin.-; for the pair that
mudj them, iu n week, very creditable
examples of his theory.
Mrs. Irwin protested mildly until a
day when Ferris took th'i two over be
hind tho quartermaster's and set them
to fighting out n difficulty, which had
arisen, with their own good nails and
fists, arguing that sieh settlement is
more worthy of tin sex thau to call
names and thronteu to tell mnmtnu.
Ferris observed with pleasure that
thero was good material in the boys,
aud was greatly elated when he led
them bnck, bloody, bruised and dusty
to the maternal roof. Mrs. Irwiti
took the affair rather too 8erioiisly,aud
il was only by giving up his plans of
education tb.it Ferris succeeded in
keeping iu the good graces of hu cup
tain's wife. It is poor policy to quar
rell with the c inim tn ling officer's or
one's captain's family.
After thii discouragement, Ferris
drew into his former shell of reserve,
and went only at nro iuterv lis to
Captain Irwiu'B qti irters. B it when
he had written tho letter which was to
bring Kittio to terms, ho walked with
it to tho postofli -e, and, coming back,
he determined to forgive and forget
that his efforts had hmn unappreciated
and to drop in upon Mrs. Irwin for a
cup of tea before retreat. He found
her alone; and, nothing being so con
ducive to poaeo nnd good-will toward
men ns a cup of K issian tea nt five
o'clock, they were soon faster fricuds
than before. The boys were called in
nnd Ferris noted with grim satisfaction
that there were still several unhealed
scratches on their clean little faces.
The children having boeu sent off
to play with their tin soldiers, Mrs.
Irwin resumed her cou'ideuce.i and
told Ferris, with the churning inter
est in his future of a true captain's
wife, that she ha 1 practically arranged
his life to come. She had a sweet
girl friend coming to stay with her at
the end of tbo week. Ferris must de
vote himself to her and nriko it pleas
ant for her. She was a beauty, very
rich, aud would mako him a splendid
wife. Ferris smiled his acquiescence,
but was not particularly enthusiastic
until Mrs. Irwin told him that the
girl, 'Anuio Kingsley is her name"
had just been visiting tho Barneses
at Angol Island, had gono from there
to Monlorey, nnd hud determined
quito unexpectedly to come down
south. Angel Island was Kitty's post
Miss Kingsley might be able to tell him
much that he longed yet feared to
hear ; and Ferris entered into plans
for her amusement which charmed
Mrs. Irwin.
' The girl cam , and Ferris, together
with every other young man in the
post, called upon her tho night of her
arrival. Beautiful she certainly whb,
quito unusually stylish, and agreeable,
but Ferris went away unsatisfied, for
he had had no chnuce to inquire about
what lay nearest to his heart. How
ever, ho had engaged her for the
weekly hop the next night, end would
satisfy himself then. Ho thought ho
would bo wise not to force tho matter
too much, and so did not speak of it
on his way to tho dance, and, besides,
they fell in with others all bound tho
same way and tho conversation be
came general.
Miss Kingsley emerged frou tho
dressing-room in all the glory of her
youth, beauty, and a New York gown.
She leaned upon Ferris's arm and
whirled oil" to the music, tho hall-barbarous,
intoxicating "Santiago." She
danced as no girl had ever danced be
fore, so Ferris thought; she became
a part of the music and as light as its
strains. Kitty had always been just a
little heavy.
They stopped only with tho waltz
itself, and Miss Kingsley leaned
breathlessly, against tho draperies of
a garrison flag. Sho made a lovely
picture, nnd Ferris stood looking at
her with keen pleasure; but his even
were suddenly fixed on a fall of lace,
they were riveted, and ns ho looked
his face grew gray. Miss Kingsley
was astonished, nnd followed his gazo
to where a gold stick-pin nestled in
the meshes of Brussels lace. Sho
looked up again, inquiringly. Ferris
answered the unspoken quostiou with
a spoken one.
"Might I ask, Miss Kingsley, whero
you got that pin?"
Why, certainly. A girl nt Angel
Island gave it to mo ; she said a cadet
had had it designed for her, but as
she didn't care for either it or him any
more, and ns I admired tho littlo
thing, she gnve it to mo. Tho girl is
Kitty Foster, perhaps you kuow her
or her fiance, Lieutenant Appleton.
Tho piu is pretty, isn't it? He must
have beeu too clever a cadet to merit
such speedy oblivion, don't you
think?"
"Yes," said Ferris; "and I was
that cadet,"
Yet when, a month later, Miss Fos
ter, reading over tho "personals" in
tho Army on 1 Navy, saw "the en
gagement is announced of Miss Anuio
Kingsley, of New York, to Lieutenant
Iwin L. Ferris, th Infantry, sta
tioned at San Antonio, Tex., "sho railed
at the inconstancy of man. Argonaut.
Grass That Makes You Tired.
In some parts of Now Mexico, says
au article quoted in Current Litera
ture, thero grows a grass which pro
duces a somniferous effect on the an
imals that graz i upon it. Horses,
after eating tho grass, iu nearly all
cases, sleep standing, while cows and
sheep almost iuvariably lie down. It
has occasionally happened that trav
elers have stopped to allow horses to
feed in places where tho grass grows
pretty thick and tho animals have
had time to eat a considerable quan
tity before its effects hove hod time to
manifest themselves. In such cases
horses have goue to sleep on the road
and it is hard to arouse them. The
efiect of the grass passos off in an hour
or two aud no bad results havo evor
been noticed on account of it. Cattlo
on the ranches frequently come upon
patches of this grass, where they feed
for perhaps half au hour and then fal
asleep for an hour or more, when thejr
wake up aud start feeding again. The
programme is repeated perhaps
dozen times until thirst obliges them
togotowuter. Whether, liko the
poppy, the gross contains opium, or
whether its sleep-producing property
is due to some other substance is not
known.
Held For 'Kllllng" an Apple Tree.
In Magistrate Bitter's court, Ky.,
T. M. Jaggers was held for Circuit
Court ou bond of 8100 for deadening
an apple tree belonging to his neigh
bor, David Sunders. There was only
one apple tree on Sanders' farm, but
it was very prolific and Jaggers re
quested his neighbor to divide the
fruit with him, but Sanders refused
to do so, thereupon Jaggers became
angry aud declared that he would kill
the tree. In a short time tho tree
was deadened and Jaggers was ar
rested. The evidence against him is
wholly circumstantial. Louisville
Courier-Journal.
CHIIHttF.VS (OMMX.
NANCY M WAY.
I nm the doll that Nancy broke!
Hadn't been hers a wook.
Ono littlo squeeze, and I sweetly spoke;
ltosy ami fair was my cheek.
Now my bend lies in a corner far,
My body lies hero In tho other;
Aud if this is what human children are,
I never will live with nuothur!
I am the book that Nancy rend
For flftoen minutes together;
Now I am standing hereon my head,
While she's gone to look nt tho weather.
My leaves are crushed In tho eruelist way.
There's jam on my opening page ;
And I would not live with Miss Nancy ftpy,
Though I shouldn't bo rend for an age !
I nm the froek that Nancy wore
Last night nt her birthday feint.
I am the frock that Nancy tore,
In seventeen places at least.
My buttons are scattering fur and nenr,
My trimming Is torn to rags;
And it I wore Miss Nauey's mother dear,
I'd dress her in calico bugs!
We are tho words that N in said
When thess things were brought to hei
view.
All of us ought to bo painted red,
And some of us nre not true.
We splutter aud mutter and snarl and snap.
We smoulder and smoke and blaze ;
Aud if she'd not meet with some sad mishap.
Mls Nancy must mend her ways.
Laura E. Richards in St. Nicholas.
A KINO s AIIODE.
In the curium miniature city nf
Zanndinn, Holland, there is no spot so
curious as tho little hut where Potor
tho Great spent six days ns "Peter
Michoeloff, au artisan." It is a well
known fact that when Peter the great
Czar of Bussin, entered himself on the
list of ship's carpenters in Amster
dam, ho made au attempt to fix his
abode for the purpose of study in the
humble lodging of a poor blacksmith,
who lived iu Ziniiduin, a little town
situated on the riv r Zaun, about nu
hour's voyage from Amsterdam.
Peter rented for tho sum of seven
florins weekly tho back part of the
blacksmith's premises, consisting of
a room aud a small adjoining shed.
But the Zaaiidamites are proverbially
curious. The bravo attire, tho deli
cate hands, nud above all, tho v?ell
filled purse of the blacksmith's tcuout
and his companions so excited their
wonder that Peter became harrassed
nnd annoyed by their impertinent and
obtrusive questions. Iu sheer disgust
he packed ip his small belongings
and retired to Amsterdam.
After Peter's departuro the house
passed from hnud to hand. On a cer
tain memorable day Paul the First of
Bussia, Joseph the Second of Austria,
aud the King of Sweden mndo au ex
cursion to Zmiidatn on purpose to
visit the czar's old home. This event
set tho fashiou to rololties and lesser
luminaries to make pilgrimages to the
little hut. In 1811 Emperor Alexan
der visited it in grout pomp nud cir
cumstance, A fleet of three hundred
yachts an 1 innumerable barges gsyly
decked with flying pennons awaited
his ret ii' n in tlio waters of the Zaan.
Four years later, William tho First of
Holland paid a delicate compliment to
his Russian daughter-in-law, the prin
cess of Orange, by purchasing the
property und presenting it to her on
her wedding day. It is to her care
that the building ow s its present
etato of preser.atiou. Sho hud it in
cased iu a strong wooden from", nud
placing a Waterloo invalid in charge
gave orders that it should bo kept
iu the same stuto as when occu
pied by the czar, and thus it can
lu seen by tho visitor of today.
Tho chief apartment is entered by tho
ono door ; tho projecting roof covers
the room probably oecupiedby Peter's
servant, ami on tho left of the larger
room is the cupboard iu which Peter
slept. Tho furnishings nro of tho
simplest, a rude deal t ible, n few tri
angular armchairs, and a three-legged
stool iu the iuglenook of tho deep
chimney. Many royal ond illustrious
names may be read on the walls of the
principle chamber and in the travel
ers' book. Iu Pet 'i''s day the rear
windows looked upon a muss of low
roofs and chimneys, but tod'iy,
through tho open s ishes, the eyes
rests upon a garden of sweet-scented
flowers nnd waving trees a tribute
amidst the memories of Russia's stern
emperor to the gentle princess who
protected this m 'inouto of the im
perial artisan. New York Observer.
A Singular Centenary.
There is some talk in Br!iu of cele
brating a somewhat singular centen
ary thiit of tho origin of the num
bering of houses. According to a
O. rnian paper.this convenient method
of indication was quite unknown,
even in London or Paris, until a cen
tury ago. In 17'.Vt the praetico of
numbering private houses was begun
in Berlin. Vienna cbiims the honor
of having inaugurated, in 1803, tho
method of placing the odd numbers
on one side of the street and the even
: the other New York Journal
DODGING DUTIES.
Smuggling is Common Among
Transatlantic Passengers.
Women Are Chief Offenders
Against Custom Lawa
It would bo difficult to convince the
staff of custom inspectors in this port
that tho average European tourist
doesn't rely on paying the expenses of
his trip out of tlio proceeds of n suc
cessful smuggling swindle on the gov
ernment. Never before in tho history
of foreign travel, say tho federal sleuths
hns tho praetico been so general nnd
audacious. The treasury department,
intent upon putting nu end to the
frauds, has issued orders for nuiversul
vigilance, and proposes to show no
mercy to offender.
A remarkable feature of attempts at
smuggling during tho last few weeks
is the detection of rich smugglers.
Six men, each of whose fortunes is
estimated nt more than a million dol
lars, havo been nrrcsted aud exposed
siuco tlio westward travel became
heavy. Tho pretext ill each case has
been that tho guilty person did not
import tho property for sale, or that
he had no idea bo was violating the
law in not declaring his possessions.
"Thero seems to bo an overpower
ing faseiiiation in cheating Elide Sam,
despite the holiest old gentleman's
present need of revenue,"suid Inspect
or Brown, who, with his associate,
Inspector Doimhue, makes more ar
rests thau all other agents combined.
The chief offenders against the ens
toins laws nro dressmakers and busi
ness wi'in mi. Wo estimate that three
quarters of the women who come into
this port ou trans-atliiutic lines bring
dutiable goods which they do not
declare,
"The weight of goods a woman
can earry about under her clothes is
astonishing. If the burden is very
henry, sho sometimes adjusts it with
straps over the shoulders. Very often
the goods found on one woman are all
that one of the inspeetresses can lift,
and it is through the weary air of the
smuggler and her painfi'l movements
that she becomes suspected. Beneath
one woman's gown recently was found
on entire suit of clothing for her hus
band. "In trunk smuggling the methods
are unique and varied. Women fold
children's dresses within their own
nnd line cheap skirts with costly bro
cades nnd velvets. False bottoms nre
fitted iu trunks, and jewelry und other
dutiable stuff is stowed among the ac
cumulated wash. Sometimes au iuuer
trunk is fitted in, papered iillovcr like
the other, nnd tho space between tho
two is tilled with valuables.
"Persons who intend to attempt
smuggling ore frequently too confiding
for their own welfare aboard ship, and
thus render their rrrot easy. There
is no place where persons are so guile
less nud so ready to talk about their
private affairs. They little imagine
the resources of the customs service,
nnd know little who is in its employ.
Information of professional smug
glers and sometimes of amateurs is
also sent from special agents ou the
other udo. These agents have letters
of entree to the legation soirees, visit
shops and piers nu I acquire a mass of
information about goods purchased
and shipped which is cibled to the au
thorities iu this city. Then the prop
city of arriving passengers is scruti
nized, the declarations arc examined
and compared nud frequent exposures
result,"
The customs inspector labors under
great difficulty in that a blunder
may cost him bis position. Very few
mistakes are made, because the man
ner in which a suspected person re
ceives an interrogation usually de
cides beyond a doubt whether ho be
innocent or guilt'. If he laughs and
williugly agrees to be searched he is
generally innocent. The old offender
ill variably fawns upon the inspector
and endeavors to win his favor nud
clemency. If a woman and she looks
frightened, cries and storms and says
it is an outrage and she won't admit
to it, put her down, says the inspect
ors, as a guilty novice. New York
Herald.
The ( Umax or a Coon Hunt.
We snatched brands from the burn
ing and sped to the fallen top. Amid
the tauglo of broken brunches and
matted twigs, n maelstrom of fight
was whirling. There was not so much
noiserather a strain of savage effort
aud tine deep muffled snarl of rage.
Wo waived our fire sticks and yelled
encouragement.
Presently Buffer came backing from
the branches heaving and tugging at
some resisting weight ; at once he
spun about and had his pvey iu the
open. Wo could see something ;
wrapped around his head, nnd would
hear the click of teeth und tho bteody
rip-rip of flying claws. Yet the good
dog made no sound beyond his labored
breathing. He was fast to n great ho
coon, mill had not yet got his favorite
hold. Wu forgot Pup and Hunter
we forgot everything except the mill
to tho death. We swung the fire
sticks ami war-danced wildly around
the light, beseeching the dog to "stay
with hiin!" to "eat him up!" nnd so
on. Nobody appeared to sympat' i.c
with the coon, which, by the way,
seemed to have a bit tho best of it for
a moment.
But the light was too hot to last
long. Tho dog gathered himself for
desperate effort ; ho made n series of
powerful lunges, us though ho wero
trying to force his nose into the
enrth ; we heard o cracking of bones
followed by a hiss liko the nir from
r .doused brakes, and Buffer straight
ened up and shook that coon till its
bo ly beat a tattoo against both sides
of his head. ' biting.
The .Moose is Not Itcniitifiil.
Truth compels the statement that,
considered artistically, the moose is
a very homely creature ; his legs nud
his head are too loutr, and his neck
und body too short for beauty. Ho
hns a high and sharp crest on his
shoulder-, coarse, bristly hair, aud
not enough tail to speak of, even in a
whisper ;in short, he hns no tail at
all. His eyes are too small to mutch
his immensity, but his voice is like
tbn of a bull of Bushnn.
But nil these homely features have
their uses. His overhanging nose is
us useful ns a tapir's snout in browsing
on the twigs of the birch, maplo and
poplar, mi l his keenness of scent is
worth more to him than nu accident
insurance policy. His long and pow
erful legs simply annihilate distmce,
no matter whether it bo in the form of
forest, swamp or prairie, covered with
snow, mud or water. His favorite
gait is n long, swinging trot, aud his
speed ami endurance surpass thoso
of any ordinary trotting-horse. In
smalt lakes and ponds he strides about
like n Colossus, feeding ou lily-stems
nud bulbs, nnd swimming with ease
and comfort whenever ho thinks it
necessarv. St. Nicholas.
Foghorn Expi liiueiils.
A series of experiments with fog
horns, which will probably result iu
systematic investigation, have recently
beeu made. Iu ono of these a bout
steamed directly toward a lightship
from a distance of 4 1-2 miles. At
2 3 4 miles the tound of the horn be
come audible, and nt 2 1-2 suddenly
increased in loudness, nud held the
same intensity until the boat was
within two miles of it. From 1 3-4
to 1 1-2 the si.utid could scarcely bo
heard, but utter that it ut unco in
creased and became so loud that it
seemed to be quite close to the vessel.
Hero tho steamboat reversed its
course, nud the fluctuation was found
to be the same. Again reversing, the
sound disappeared and reappeared
after 1 1-2 miles, became entirely in
audible at half a mile, reappearing
again at n quarter of a mile, after
which it steadily increased until tho
lightship was reached. New York
Sun.
Loud mi's Last I hutched Cottage.
A statement iu one of the English
papers received iu Washington is to the
effect that the millionth s lire about to
pltll down the lust thatched Cottage in
London. It is situated three miles
and three furlongs from St. Paul's.
Some remark was cursed on account
of the length of tune the structure hns
beeu standing and that in all that time
it has escaped fire. It was stated by
a person who had traveled iu England
when he rend the paragraph that thero
were wooden houses iu England which
were ."illO years old. This seems almost
incredible. In this country a wooden
house would need to be almost entire
ly retiewe I in every luiiidredyearM. It
is km ii! that the hard wood and the care
that had been taken of the houses ac
counts for their preservation. Wash
ington Star.
A Hebiike Trout the Pulpit.
Preaching iu the Abbey Canon Wil
ber force told a good story of the cele
brated Welsh preacher Christmas
Evans, who dared publicly to express
his thankfulness for Jenny Litid's
beautiful singing. A member of his
congregation, n straight-laced C.ilviu.
ist, standing on the steps of tho pnl
git, asked the preacher whether a man
dying at one of Jenny Lind's concerts
would go to heaven. "Sir," replied
Mr. Evans, "a Christian will go to
heaven wherever he dies, but a fool
remains a fool even on the pulpit
steps." Even the sober Abbey con
gregation could hardly stifle its enjoy
ni"iit of this repartee. Westminster
Gazette,
"A Little (Jaitleu."
A liitle garden, great enough
To hold Love's wings.
Vea, and tlio sacred Illrd of Love,
Hark, how he sings!
Tlio ardent Flower of Love, likewise,
Hums in the I. rake.
Love's wings are set with myriad ey S
Ever awake.
Heavy wldi honey Hies the boo
From rose tu rose,
Powdered with golddust to the knee, 1
lie conies ami goes. 'r
The secret song the nightingale
Sang to the moon.
It sha'l bo hidden by Dovo's veil,
Now it is noon. ;
i
'i he secret thing the golden bee
Said to the roie,
Though It be known to thee and me, "
Shall wo disclose'
Ah, no, Love's secrets let us keep.
Lest the winged god '
Angered. J4o seeking while we sleep
tiuuienew uli de, i
IIL'.UOKMI'.S.
"Is it true that the old Jones plnco
is h unted?" "It used to be, but they
haven b iby there now."
"That's a very binned picture you
carry in your watch." "Yes; it's a
composite photograph of my summer
engagements.
Bieheloi I nm told Hint n married
man can live on half the income Hint il
single lu:. n i t quircs. Married innii
Yes. He lias to.
The younger one I won ! r if I
will lose my looks, too, when 1 get to
your agi ? The elder one You w tuld
bo lucky if you did.
"So old Mr. 1! o vii is married at
Inst?" " es ; n lurriiier, I Yard."
"A foreignor? No, an English lady."
"Oh, 1 'card ns 'inv she was a Tartar.
Flanders Scientists say that tho
enrth wabbles in her orbit, (liay-ogle-
Eve noticed that myself when
I've been going homo from the club.
Johnny Papa, I want to ask yon a
question.. Papa Well, whit is it,
my sou? Johnny If the ruler of
Russia is a Czar, is his wife a Czard
iue? Piano Tuner Good day, madam; I
came to tune your piano. Pumistc
But 1 did not send for you. Piiino
T mier I know; but your next-door
neighbor did.
Manchester (in the course of a
slight disagteement) Tho fool killer
is neglecting his duty.
Birmingham I know he is, 1 ut I'll
let him know where he can find you.
To folk in city and village and farm
The time is coining, nnd W"o betide
When cuinpnlKn speakers "view with alarm,',
And then incidentally "point with pride."
Curry Carson seems to bo very
friendly with everybody all of u sud
den. Yokes Yes; he is going to get
married mho., and he wants to have as
inn ii y friends as ho can to invite au I
get presents from.
Clar If Mr. Casiclton succeeds iu
kissing u girl he ti lls nil the rest of
the men about it. Maude That ac
counts for it. Clara For what?
Maud'.'- The crowd of fellows that
have called upon you lately.
Lady ( willow i 1 o you know that
my daughter has sit her eyes upon
you, Herr Mullcl? Gentlemen (flut
tered I Has she, really? Lady -Certainly;
only today sho was baying:
That's the sort of u entli uiiiu I should
like for my papa.
Professor (visiting n student in his
chambel'sl How cold it is here? IK
you never have a lire? How can you
work in this temperature? Sin. lent
Ah, Professor, when I begin to feel
cold, I just think of my exam., und
then I perspire nil over.
Interesting Young L-i lv (who has
been asking a great many questions)
Oh! There's a great worm got
hold of ymtr hook!" Aged I'isik r
liiuu (i litle bit tile. 1 1 I know; 1 put
it there. I. Y. L. (puzzled but per
sistent! But, excuse me, how can tuO
lishes see to bite the hook?
Eleviitor Boy 1 don't see what
dese mugs is always iu such u hurry
fer the elevator fer. Messenger I toy
Nor me, neither. Elevator Boy--1
wouldn't mind if dey need- d ttr
hurry, but dey knows just as well as I
does dat des: elevator runs all day till
ti o'clock. I ley g inline n pain.
Appreciated a tioud llri.
"I'm keeping the old horse, (.'hnrlia
just for the good he has done me; not
that he is now any account." This
was said to a "Herald" man the other
day by the owner of an old mid worn
out horse -just sucha looking animal
as we often soo along the country
road side turned cut to die. "That
old horse has earned mo a wagon load
of twenty-dollar gold pieces, and ho
shall have a good home and plenty to
eat ns long as he lives. " If all tho
owners of livo stock would be us con
siderate as this man thero would be no
need for humane societies. Colusa,
(Cal.,) Herald,