GEUutlmm glcccvcl. t)atl)aci Record. II. -A.. LONDOIV, EDITOR AND rnOl'IilETOU. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION, HATES or ADVERTISING One square, one imortion One squaro, two insertion -Ono square, ono month (1.00 1.50 $1.50 PER YEAR Strictly in Advanct. For larger advertisements liberal con rants will be mailo. VOL. XVIII. H TTSISOIIO', CHATHAM CO., N. C, OCTOBER IT, 1805. NO. 8. if Mill nig The Burden. I writhocl beneath my burden, rnrowl an I Rronned. My harden, tbat bad felt ntut heard ns, moaned : "You do not know what misery is, nor what Tho bitterest pnrt Ik of our common lot. The strength I lend in you with my loath weight, Jly wenkness would so tmlly own it fate. Think, once, how much moru dreadful It must be To bo tho burden than Isvtr it, and pity mo." Wm. 1). Howku.s, in Harper's. The Survival of the Fittest. HY WILLIAM A. TAAFB. Dragging itself westward across the dreary '.niiis of Utah, the overland train, from a vantage point in the sky, looked like a small horsc-hnir snsko crawling over the earth's surface. Tho earth almost the air was white with the heat of t' o summer sun. All wan vastness, immensity, silence, loneli ness; above, the flawless blue; below, those seemingly illimiUolo plritis of reddish yo:"sjw, streaked with n'kali white, that swiwA back and forth bo foro tho eyes in parallel lines until far off (Uey melted into a long, low stretch of shivering light, the mock ing water mirage at the base of the mountain range hundreds of miles away. Kncompnssed within that hold zou thero was no thing of life except within that desultory moving train. Stocked in tho emigrant or thirl class car of the tram was a crowd of tired, miserable and dirty people. They looked out listlessly at the piss ing landscape, or stupidly at oacli other, or twisted themselves into all sorts of uncomfortable positions ou tho hard wooden seats in vain efforts to secure o little sleep. Perhaps tho most unprepossessing of tliem all was a dark-featured, roughly dressed man. lleside hi in was a very little girl in a blue dress Ilia lowering, repellent face had a scowl upon it which sug gested tho convict or tho desperado, but ho was neither. Tho scowl and the iiucous.'ious sneer about his ugly mouth wero born simply of a long and thoroughly fruitless struggle with misfortune. Although pretty, it was easily to bj seen that tho little girl whs bis child. She was the solitary ray of sunshine in that railway steerage. F.veu tho dull faces of the people in the ear took on nu expression of tenderness when they looked at her, for slio had cheered them during tho last three weary days with her joyous laughter mid merry play. Just now she w lying asleep on the breast of the il'. favored look- j iug man, one chubby hind pressed j agaiust his r,n ;"a unshaven cheek. It was unnects.ary to ask if tho child had a motile:. I Sho wna a momentous factor in nr'gbty problem to the man w hosj arm m"st impore .ptiblo streak of smoke was &(out her nii.l whose knit brows ! ,,,M llinl "''! casi-b niu I train and troubled facj showed how hard j Wi,s "IT '"'hing. Near tlio track h, it was he studied it, A crazy letter found a dirty shred of a tl ig hanging had como to him nenmstlie continent, I ft B,i,l,s l,!"1' ' 1 ,h ' and he had left the tenements of New socket of tli! upright po-t staudui; in York to try ami reach the gold n laud I front of tho house. Nervously his of .California. Ho had started with j hn jers fumbled in his p.iekets until hardly siillieient money to take him- he produc-d the stump of n lead pen aelf and child more than half the dis- ' ''' kicking up a piece of pasteboard tnuce, but ho had a confused sort of i h- wrote upon it in great ton h let- au idea that ho would in somo way reneh li it destination. Hotter it whs, at all events, than to rciniiu in tho noisome Hester street den, where, without work or the prospect of any, his little Bit in of money would soon be gone. Tho station to which his scanty I'll rue had enabled him to buy a ticket for himself mid child had been passed hours before ami he was wondering how soon the conductor of the train woulil discover the shameless imposi tion ho was practicing upon the rail way company. Ho had not much longer to wait, for presently the iiuto- cihi oi ine nam, in a liurrieil pas sage through tlio car, stopped sudd il ly before him nnd glanced at the check in his hat : "Hello 1 Where are yon going?" The man looked up in what was in tended as: nn humble, respectful and piteous appeal, but his lip curled up over his teeth, like that of a harried do.r. Ho could not help it. His voice was mild enough, though, ns ho said : "I am going to California, air, with my lit t lo girl." "The man's looks s-emod to irritate the not too even temper of tho rail way official: "You are, eh? Well, whero's your ticket for the rest of tho way?"' "If you would please let no go through tho trnin with my littlo girl," replied the unfoi t iinate one, faltering, "I think I could raise tho money." The baby girl was now wido awake, her big, round dark eyes Hied wou deringly on the conductor. "Go through tho train? Not much. Third class passengers Btny in this car. Yon get off at tho mil station," said tho conductor in n voice of Perce warning us ho passed on. The n:n looked despairingly around at his fellow passengers. Thero was a glimmering of sympathy nnd pity for him in some of their woe-begone Meet", but there w.is little inoner in their p -keta even if they desired to hcli him. In about an hour the conductor came into tho car again and gave the bell-rope a vicious pull. Tuo engine rospoudcil with two short whi.stlos.nnd gradually tho train slaekono 1 its speed f lid stopped. "('o;ii ', now, you get off here, "said the coi.d.ietor, roughly; "we're bo hind time already, and you want to hurry up about it." Again the man's lips curled in an ugly way, but ho made n i answer, ex c pt t-i gather up tin) few paper bundles of bread and meat on tlm sett before him. Then taking his child in his arms, h.! followed the conductor to the platform and stepped oil' the train. Heforo it was under way again, how-eve.-, a lium ino brakeman on the la-t f.tej? called out to him ; 'Say, partner, th-T ain't notliin' here. This is only a llag slat ion. The Kast-h un I'll be along in a few hour. Stop h -r an t b iard her. Tho eon luc tor on that traiu'll let y u on. It's a shame to put that kid oil' in such a place!" In truth, little ab.iut Hi.' plac in di cated a railway station. There was a little close 1 sentry-l)o looking n flair beside the track, an I titty yards be hind it the rein tins of an old dugout. Not even a trail sh iwvd where it was that any human lining had visited the spot. And around was tho dreary waste of billowy plains and the burn ing sun overhead. In tuo rear of tho seiitry-box its projecting roof ha 1 cast a little sh 1 1 ', mi I here the man sat down upon the ground with his child still in his anus. Strange things, for him, emu to his eyes tears. The little ono looked up at him Hi a puzzle I way, an 1 he hasti ly brushed his hand across his face ami left a bron I smudge of railway soot upon his cheek. Sli t clasped her hands, an I laughed with gloj at hi-; funny face. Then thirst cam to thoiu that aw ful, torturing, unreasoning thirst which tho desert alone cm givj. Tho child uric I for water, a i I 111 i father left her ill the scanty sh i I ! an i step ped out into th - glaring sun. Neither in thi! sky nor in the parched ground was there a drop of moisture, nud he knew it. II i returned ail tried to comfort her, an I then he sit down again, buried his lac; in his hands anil tried to think. The evening was e lining on when ho rose to his feet with a new ft solve. Awnv far oil' in tho wj.l a thin nl- tors: somk os.: tak : run ruiiiij. HIIK HAS NO 1'AUEXT-i. With a string he placed tin placard around the neck of tlei little girl. This done, ho took her in his arms kissed her again and again, pointed to the smoke that was becoming blacker iiinl longer, mid told her that water was coming. Wii m tlio rails began to sing of tile approach of the coming train, he placed her near the track and then ran and hi I himself in the dug-out. .I'Voin his hidllig-placo he looked out and eagerly watched the child, while the rattle and clamor, ami thuiidi r of the train grew lou ter in his enrK. a it i' uuo with a rush nn 1 roar, an I IIjw piMt the station in a gale o! wind and dust. The man's heart died within him, an I then it beat, wildly again. Tho train had stopped several hundred yards joist tliettationanlw.il coning hick to tho sentry-box. Tho engineer hud Been the tattered fl ig. As the long train rolled slowly back ward, curious an 1 inquiring heads protruded through the car windows. The gold-cmb.nzotied Conductor stepped oil' ami looked about him in wonder. Not for several mo ments did ho discover the child. Immediately there was a crowd about it, and tho placard was passed from hale, to hand. A white-jacketed por ter came out of a Pullman car and placed a wooden step on tlio ground before it. Ho was followed by a lady in black, who descended from the car and joined the throng. A pair of yearning, eager, beseeching cyc watched it nil from the dug-out. To tho man i liidiug it scorned '.hat tho determination of the fluid's fnte would , never le renelied. Finally ho saw tie lady in Mneli tiiko tho child iu her arms, kiss it, mid re-enter tlio car with it Tho passengers nernnilled , back into the ears, tho conductor waved hi hand, nud t lie triiin moved on. Then the father came forth nnd gazed longingly at the departing trnin L'aZed at it until it became I It..- l li .:l :t l r.iuuut-1 nun isiuai ler - - il u l il il oeeaino a did in the plains until it vanished and ho knew he was alone. He stretched himself on the linked ground that night to sleep, but could not. Two littlo stars in tho firma ment modest littlo stars very near together reminded him of the eyes of his child, and he tried to tix his thoughts ou them and of her, but it was vain ho could not forget his thirst. Tin' terrible sun rose the next day and looked down up in him as its vic tim. Ho endeavored to rat some of the bread he ha I saved, but the dry crumliM were torture to Ins throat. One thing only was there to do to f'dk'w tho track until nu inhabited station was reacho I. It might In tit v miles t might be more -but there was no salvation nway from the railroad. He started off bravely enough, lih longing eyes fixed on t he ever-receding point where the glisteiiiu ; rails met in the far perspective. Hut some times his gaze w iiidcred even further on to where it. surely seemed that blue-green trees were bathing their feet in cool, still waters. At noon, when resting for awhile, he heard tin: rattle of an approaching freight-train. H pe welled up within him as he stood on tho truck and made frantic motions to stop the train. The trainmen merely laughed at him. He did not know ho had employed the favorite ruse of trumps. Freight trains wvro not for tho accomm Na tion of such gentry. Nor was it a sup posablo case that a wayfarer in tho desert was unprovided with food or drink, else why would he be there? After this hia progress vas Very slow. On the third day, he cnuiu to the jini of his j ouriiev. Il.j mav have been delirious or he may have been quite sane. A train stopped for him and took him on board. This they always do when they kill a man. -Argonaut. A Lawyer From Itnjhoo,!, 1 here is a story told of tho Into Judge Strong's boyhood, which slums that from tli beginning his mind had a legal bent. Young St l ong, it seems purloined a piece of cake from the table spread for some fes ival occasion. No one discovered it until the family and guests were sealed lit the table, and then nothing was snid. When everyone had gone and the father was alone with the youthful epicure ho said to him, "Don't you know, my son, that in taking that cake, you broke one of (!o l's commandments?" "(jblcstic-n SJ," responded the boy, who had his catechism at his tongue's end. "Is liny man able perfectly to keep the commandments of (tod? Answer H2. No mere man since the fall is able in this life jerfectly to keep the commandments of (bid, but doth daily break them in thought, word, and deed." It is not re cord d what the reverend father said, hut it must be admitted that the boy won hislirst ease. iiostou Transcript. To Signal From the (iravc. "The grave signal" is w hat tho in ventor calls a patented affair just of fered in tho mortuary market. It is designed to enable a man or woman buried alive, as in a state of catalepsy, to notify people above ground. The signal is in a tube fitted with air vahes. The slightest revival of life in the grave, it is claimed, will bo instantly indicated. The stage indications work very well, but undertaker aro ob trusively skeptical. The contrivance has never been vindicated in the case of any actual burial of a live person. Tho inventor accounts for the op position of undertakers by saying that his signal will revolutionize inhuma tion and will put an end to tlio prac tice of embalming. Anew cemetery, to be located rp the Hudson and to be called the Valley of Jehoshaphat, may bo cstablisho I in order to givo tho grave signal a fair test. New York Advertiser. An Ancient Temple. Arab papers anuoiin.ro that at tho little town of I'rfah, north of Aleppo, the ruins of an old temple have been discovered, of which it is believed that it existed in tho time of the (' inl- leatis. Urfah, which the liomans called Castelluui I'r, is tho "I'rof tho Chaldces" of the ltible, the birthplace of Abraham, ami n house declared to be that of tho patriarch is r'iil i'i.owu there. Now York World. A HIIRO'S SIKH 'Surial Place of Washington's Fathor Sadly Neglected. Proposed Monument to Mark HJLs Great Son's Birthplace. Tho recent steps taken by the pi eminent toward the erection ol nn ti ti men t to m irk the b r.hplace of George Washington nnd the projiosa lo place a memorial over the grave of the mother of tlio lirst president of the I'mted States, bring to mind the fact that nothing Iims been said or doii! toward pi icing a memorial over the body of the father of the man who'will alwavs be "lirst in the hearts of his coiiulryiiicu. " There has been a great deal hard of Mary, the mother of Washington, nud this appears to have thrown the father into oblivion. No one doubts that Mary Washington was a good woman, but it is iiioi, th i'! likely that ieorgc llile ilteil boiii p'ltof Ills eliarncter fl'Oii Ins father, eihaps the streak o obstinacy that -t I him in ooi Head when temptations biirroiinde li i in. It seems only fair that the pnterna progenitor of the immrtal George should be rem Miib 'red. If the laugh ters of thi' U volution erect a inouii incut to Washin ;tou's mother, why don't the Sons of the Hevolutioti bestir liemsi lvi's nnd place a memorial over the grave of Washington's father. It lias long been a stun ling disgrace to this nation that it has so long neglect ed the graves of both. There was a monument erected over Mary Washin ;tou's grave as far buck as the year 1S1". Th l corner stone was laid bv Andrew Jackson, who wis at that time president of the United States. Hut as time passed on th monument, a small one nt best, wan sadlv neglected. K-ceiitlv a move to replace the old and dilapidated memo rial has been started, and with success; but nothing hes been done, to m irk tho resting pi iej of Augustine Wash iugton, whose body rests in a vault in WakeliiliTT near Hrid ?es Creek, West moreland county, Va. Augustine Washington, the fatherof the immortal George, died on April 12, 171:1, in Stafford county, Virginia. He was a son of Lawrence Washing ton, who was a sou of John Washing ton. And here the geiiealogv of the Washington family ends, or rather be gins. The attempts to trace the nn eestrv of Washington back to old nnd noble Knglish families, mid to prove that a Washington coat of arms e ist i'il are as nu-American as thoy nr ridiculous. The only real fact nl though there have been manv fanciful theories advanced regarding the Washington family is that John Wash ington, the great-graiidiither of George Washington, settled in Vir ginin in the year bio". The Washington homestead in Wake field is situated on the Potomac Kiver, seventy miles below the city of Wash ington, and four miles from the town of Colonial Hcach, Va. All that re mains of the house in which the im mortal G .'orgo Wadiingtou was born is a ruined chimney. It is proposed to erect a monument here to mark the spot where Washington lirst mw the light of day. The burial ground, in which the members of the Washington family were laid to rest for generations occu pies a spice sixty feet square. The arch of Hie vault in which Augustine Washington's body was placed fell in man v years ago, and the excavation is tilled with debris. New York Herald. New Vork's Uiior Tunnel. Thero is a big hole under Not t'i Itiver. Some day it will bo a tunnel connecting New York city and Hobo ken. No work has been done for four years, but the owners of tho hole are now trying to raise money iu L union to complete their tunnel before a bridge can be built over N jrth U ver. Only 1,2:1) feet rem tin to connect tho two holes bored from cither shore, each of which is now full of water. This water has simply soaked through since work was abiudoned ou th i death of the principal backer. So far $d, (),.),)) ) h is b -en pouiv I into th i hole mid only g"00,Ul!) will bo required to complete it. One Person is Its Pupu'ntiou. lV'serted villages are common enough in the cast, but from other causes than burst booms commonly. Paiiiariscove, Me., has now no iuhab i'ants but a lighthousc-kccper, though some summer-houses are this year to be built. Two hundred years go in arranging for the Indian campaign ) imai iscovo could furnish company of men. Tho Cat Was Disgusted. An interesting i xp riment in the rearing of atnm-ils h recorded by u German joitru il. A c uiulry gentle uinti having captured a young bare a few days old, conceived the I le t of giving it as foster mother a cat which lind just had a litter of kittens. The cat showed no obj etiotis to this cuii oiis addition to her family, nnd tin herbivorous nursling seemed to take very well to tho regime to which it was so unexpectedly subjected. The hare throve mi l grew, mi l tlieett soon thought it time to b.'giu the edu cation of her foster child, l'or the ('itching of mice, however, the hare showed not tho slightest disposition, nnd at cite i fault committed the adop tive inolhr administered vigormn corrections with her paws. This pro duced biti little iiuproVciu Mil, nu I the relations between the two minimis were becoming somewhat sir lined, when one day they were pine d to gether on the lawn in front of the house. The hare at once proceeded lo nibble at the vegetation with re ntal kali!- iividity, to the t vi lent astmi ishiueiit mid indignation of the cut, uiiocoiild make u 'I h i ng !' such conduct. Finally, p' ron in r that - he had il ished anything l"'t a kitten, the disappointed nurse h it lelrew with an expression of ui, in stallable li--dain. West minster Gazette. A Cosily Itnitk Itimliiig. The only gold and silver bound diamond itierustod book in th" worl I was lately enshrined in the holy Mo 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 m 1 1 . 1 1 1 i t ' 1 1 f Isu tu U i.'. i, Persia. The book is of coin's 1 a copy of til" Alkorau, mid is a gift from .bd ur K ihman, Ameer of Afgh inistaii. The covers of this unique volume, the sides of which are nine mil one-half by four inches, lire of solid gold plates oue-ciglith of an inch iu thickness, lined with silver sheets of the siiine thickness. The centerpiece, ns well ns the coi ners are symbolic designs, w rought tu diamonds, rubies and pearls. The center ligure is a cre.ieeiit, with a star between its points, the whole d.'sigti being composed of 1 it'.) -un til diamond ll7 pearls and 122 rubies. The diamonds on each comer, which are almost bidden in the golden setting and the orange-colored lacquer with which they a ro fast "tie, I, ure each worth about II li. Tli! book itsell is ou parchment, entirely written by hand. It is valued at Sli i.O'li). There are said to have been over lOU.iMM) visitors present in Isiian-Uaza the day the holy relic was enshrined. Phila delphia U"eord. Sleeping on the l.efl Side. Theie is little doubt tint an im mense number of persons h-ibituilly sleep mi the left side, an I those who do so can in ver, it is said, be strictly healthy. It is the most prolitic e iuse of nightmare nud also of th tinp'.e is- mit taite in tlie mouth on arising in the morning. All food enters and leaves the stomach on the right sid", and hence sleeping on the If It s:d" 'oon after eating involves a sort of pump ing operation, which is anything but conducive to sound repose. The ac tion of the heart is als i si rioiislv In tel f.. -red wit li and the lungs und.ily compressed. Hence it is best to culti vate the habit of always bleeping on the right side. New Fse for the I'ostolllce. The postollice iu India not only col lects atul delivers letters, parcels and dher articles, but acts to a o rtain ex tent ns a banker to the general public. sells quinine and salt, pays military pensions and collects the revenue ac cruing to the governni lit from land and other soiuc 's. lint to the f rtile brain of one of the oldest oll'ieeis iu the department is due the bitest de velopment iu the work of the post- ftiee. The Punjab posti.lli'e his come forward as nu elenn'iitarv teach er, it not oniv collrcis letters mni lelivcr them, but t 'iich 's bovsiu ele mentary schools how ti write them and address the covers. A I'lUi'iiieut Made of Molas.cs. A pavement has been laid at Cliino, Cat., which is in ide mostly of molas ses, it is iu trout ot a sugar tictorv and is 1,000 feet long. The molasses used was a refuse product. It was mixed with stud to the consistency of asphalt, an 1 laid like an asphalt pnvc- incut. The composition dries quickly and is unaffjeted bv heat or cold. A hot sun makes it dry and hard instead of softening it as might be expected. If tho pavement proves tube nil that is claimed it will open a market for millions of gallons of refuse molassi s that are wasted every year. Path finder. Miss I'.liza Works, who has been visiting friends in K.iche-.ter, is 1 l years old. FEJIBLS Of TIlOl'O'llZ. I'vcry conniil is somebody's hero, Kteruity is the iuliuito expansion, of t i ill.-. The world canuut frow n away a soul smile. Death is tho open hand to large op portunities. A lazy man loses heart every time ! ho looks lit the eloek. Itelnember that the top side of ft cloud is always bright. Love is the only thing that more than pays for nil it gets. If we know how to aim, the bigs.'er the giant the better the in irk. The world owes no man a living who is not willing to work for it. The man who lo ks through cob webs will see spiders everywhere. The man gains nothing who loses bin character and sav s his m mey. For ev, ry fault we m- iu others we have t wo of oil r ow n w Inch we over look. Some shepherds serm to forget that sheep never stand on their hind lei's to rut. Give some people the power to move lui.ii'il ains, nn ! i, r.i qairk they would spoil t he eon II I 1 '.' for evel". bo, y rise. Cold hands me sa'.l t,. be the mj,., of a wane I'.eitt Me do not think that way about frost bitten branclns. 'The blood that do s not reach the linger tips is c nigcnlrd nt its source. The warmer the blood the more rapid is the How. K im'n Horn, Among the Cliiirt'oal-lliirni'rs. Charcoal-burners iu the pine woo, Is of .southern Jersey, I lelew are, nud other points south, follow a romantic nnd monotonous life. At tho best the business is a dirty, smutty cue, mi l it is dilli'iilt to dis'.iugti'di a white man from nu African, liolh work in the camps, watching the tires by night, nnd liiMtin ; game iu the daytime. Tli" work is earned on in summer mid wiut -r, and during the latter season tho bright tires are rather pleasant sights. i'le y illumi nate the dark forests, mi l keep the cold out by tli -ir intense heat. The burners cook their sweet p italo 's and wild game nu I lidi ou tli - hot coals, mid dine sumptuously every day. Half-il-do.en or more may b long to one citnp, and they wlnl awiy the tune in hunting, singing, and card-playing, 'The colored iii 'ti invariably hae their banj i es ill camp. an 1 I i stuml'ln upon one of the coinpanws on a d irk night impresses one string -iy. I'll ) lli.'ker iug light, rollicking, dancing crowds around It, and the twang of I tic brijo, are not c ilculated to . net our appre hensions unless th tr.i eh i r.i.'' ur of the camp is known lu for. hand. In this business of bur nng char coal the capitalist has not yet entered There are li. i trusts o.- c rp n at ions. The work is e inducted cliieily by in dividuals, m in v of them r. Tin' woods are free, and with ; li ax and a box of matches any mi can start a charcoal cirup in the S ni'li. Most of them can get their living in hunting and fishing, mil th - neiua! cost ol board is reduced to toha.c.i, and a suit of old clothes oc asjiiually. lively week or two a travt-ln.g Meth odist preach r appears i u th-' woods, nnd conducts si rviee in the camp. This is a da when all of the members of the camp wash and spruce up n much us possible, for they welcome nil strangers mid give n hearty recep tion to the minister. It is doubtful if the preacher receives more atten tion iu any part of his long route. Strangers viMtiug the w Is are al ways invited to the rude ti asts of the charcoal-burners nnd despite thru black-looking laces, tin v have hlte hearts and sec, inimoil it i ng ways. They visit tin- town or city oiilv when the stock of tobacco is i -xhaiisted, oi when they iliie to the raillond sta tion to dispose of llr-ir finish. 1 pro duct. - Count i v t i. nt ieiiian. To Ouicl n Horse. When a horse becomes ti ij.-hti neil, demoralized or otln rw ise rattled about something he enc. ointi t-s. n good way to quiet him down is simply to talk tc him in a good tone of voice. If n horse gets frightened at something he Sees in the road, stop him at once nud givo him a formal introduction to it, telling him in the meantime how very foolish he is to let such a little thing disturb him. Nothing can be worse than to whip a horse when he is frightened. He doesn't get friehtened because he wants to. It is only be cans lie ha seen or heard something that he is not familiar with. After he once gets thoroughly ncq iainleil with the object of his utieasi tiess, it will never frighten him again. M muesoti! Uovsciiian, Growing Htiirlilrr. This old world's crowing brightnr a It '"'I and rails nroan I ; White ilais.es blossom whiter, bluer vIoloH strew the ground ; And we'r thankful that we're livlmr,slr.o il" lilcssj-u; heaven denies. And tin-s.iiil's iliviii" 111 mksgiviiig drifts Iu gl-ry t" tli" ski-". --Atlanta I'unstitulioa. IIFMOItlM X Hiiix calls his doctor his biographi r, for the reason that he is at work upon his life. Not in Trado-She -A penny for your thoughts, lie I have tione for sale. 1 nm a free thinker. "Wasn't he put out when yoti told him he couldn't have a kiss?" "Oil, no! He just took it ns a matter of course. " "Wln ie was MagnaCharta signed?" asked a teacher iu a South of London hoard school. 'Tieis', Sir, at the bottom." "S.ory ma 1 am, but you will have to get sunt. -body t'i identify you." "'The idea ! I lon't y mi see my name right tin re ou the check? "I i you love me well enough, Law n nee, to walk with me on the avenue win ii I wear my bloomer strt ?" "Too w"ll. my love; far too well." Vmi sa th" hen is ti.it a song bird ilovou?" "That's what I say, sir." "li,." l.-l! nn wiiat bird is inure Il 'led for loT it you e m?' nih ; Will V'ii hav. spinaeh to day. s r? Guest Yes . but I .! "'! want it so spunky as it . j s, i day. Jbing me some with no sand in it. Strei tCar Conductor -I can't tak.i this C ma li.in i icy ; the company won't I ike it from us. Mrs. Z liear me, if th it's the case, I should think you'd be glad to take it. "War," .said the philanthropist, "is a horrible evil. Tho warrior is a survivor of barb irism What's that! A drum! Soldi us uiiig! Open the window. 1 want to sec them." A. There is a mo -t remarkable cave iu Kentucky. H. What is there to liiarknble ab mt it? A. If you call out. Hello, Smith, the echo says, What Smith is it? no less than four teen distinct times. "1 don't see any Use in getting blue ov r it, old mini. Sh" is not the only girl in the world." " That 's pi-t nh,it I'm blue about. Think of th chances I have of nuking th" samo kind of a fool of myself again. P.lobbs- What nonsense it is for the newspapers in their accounts of wed dings to describe the bride being led to the altar. Slobbs How so? Hlobbs W i ll, most girls c iii.d lind their way there in the dark. The I'.iirgomastcr of A - was invit ed to attend n centenary eeichra' ion. lie declined with thanks, mlding that it was nn possible for him to lake part in the proceedings iii this occasion, but that he would b. most happy to i'. ime n. xt time. A French Provincial newspaper, w inch h eists of its large circulat ion, publishes the following naive an nouncement tin the subject of u char ity concert : "We advise nil our read ers to secure their seats in advance, on aecoii'it of the suiatbiess of tin) hall, which only holds about titty per sons. I'tldo Well. Hobby, what did yell It'll I il at school today ? Hobby I li anii'il t lift the world is round mil .irns ou lnn'es, like that glol e in th- library I'lielc Well what d you think of that? P.ibby-I think, uncle, they ore asking me to Vvlieve a go" 1 deal for a small boy. Way-ide Phi! phy. - "What tune ilii t ou have, please?" "My ti lend, you itsk til" t ally," "Mow's that?" "Well, I have a watch that won't keiy .-. I line, so I tin. illy s,-t it at si o'clock and quit winding it. Twice iu tneiit y-fotir hours now it is right to a T, where ot h.rwise it would be wrong all the time." A Couvicl of Kxpericncc. John Zimmerman, who has been in the Western Penitentiary since lH'.KI for iiiii'so straluiL, was released recent ly and was immediately turned over to nn olli cr from Preston, W. Va., who has requisition papers to tako him there to be tried for the sumo of fence. Zimmerman is about 70 years of age, and, according to his own siatein nt, has not been a freo mini more than six months nt a time since he w is 2"i. He has a lunula for horse stealing. Ho said he never stole any thing iu his life but horses. He him bi-i-n in several penitentiaries in tho country, but thinks Uivcrsido is the best place he has yet seen. When ho was told where he was to be taken this time he said : "Moinnlsville? Oh, I don't like that place. " Pittsburg Dispatch.' J tmh. inn