North Carolina Newspapers

Jll)atl)am flecorb. RATES II. A. J.-OIVIJOIV, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION, ADVERTISING (He square, one insertion Oc square, two insertions -One square, one month fi.00 1.50 - 8.B0 11.50 PES YEAR Strictly In Advanot. NO. 41. Kor larger advertisements liberal con acts will e made. VOL. XVIII. PITTSBORO', CHATHAM CO., N. C., JUNK 2.3, 189(5. Solitary Confinement, 1IY lll-MN KOIiltllHl' (IHAVI-.S). TLu brief, decisive li.it 1 1 u wits over. Tho seven- o ir-old enemy runted, though Hot subdued, wan (111 Hi d i ill', kicking, in his nurse's nuns, sen am nip; at tho very pitch of Inn infantile lungs, "1 won't! I won't! I wo-o-o-ii't bo n good lioy !" whtlothc IuhI glimpse bis mot Iter omiIit wiih ii scarlet coun tenance where t Ik; heels should lie, Olid tho two bo-slippered foot oscil lating like liiimiiii i t-n 1 1 1 1 it ui Mrs. Jossaniy looked after little To in my in maternal tritniliitioii. "l)i let niti go t him, Solomon !" she pleaded, "I n lit sure 1 could quiet liim." Hut Mr, Jt'Miiiiny 11 luiliMioiidi.'d sngo of livo-aud-lifty, with round gog gles that gave it prctet naturally wise expression to Ins e iiintoiiuiioe, mid it Spotless Wllitt! Wsistl'OIlt, ft'stoolicd with seals iiiul chains laid u detain ing Irind on her arm. "Sarah," iioth In1, oracularly, "1 inn astonished at this very culpable Weakness on your part. Tho boy lias committed u great limit in thus giving May In an uncontrolled teinper.and ho must be piurshed arc irdiiigly. " "But, Solomon, he is nu ll a mite of n tiling!" plcadt d the niut ln-r, pi teiius- "That makes n i difference, mv dear.) Solitary contlneinoiit. Sarah solitary con'' iicinciit, on blind and water, is what will break his spirit." "But he may emtio out to nipper, Solomon?" Mr. Jossnmy fettled the goggles mi thobrid3eoihis110.se, with tin auto emtio dignity of movement. "Ho will n 111 mi in tho hack store loom until tomoriow inoriiing.S trail.' "Alouo V " gasped the nervous mother. "Aloiiel" pronounced Iho domestic grand mogul. "Believe me theio is nothing like solitary eoiiliiiemeiit. It has been proved, my dear, more than 11 score ot times. That boy of yours" Mr. Jiihsamy spoke as 11 ho himself bad nothing whatever to do with the proprietorship of Master Tommy "has 11 temper, and that temper ''as got to bo broken. Tray, Mrs. Jes biimy, do not annoy me with any fur ther misjudged intercession!!." And thus pronouncing his ultima tum, Mr. Jcssainy stalked out into the garden, to view the ripening g!"l es of netted melous and the budding lube roses, for Mr. Jcssiniiy was 11 man of bobbies, and tho latest hobby was hor ticulture, the more satisfactorily to ride which ho had rented tins little villa cm the banks of tho Schuy lkill, with 1111 abundance of gables, honey suckle leafage and water fronts. "Simmons!" said Mr. Jessamy, sharply, us he stood with both hands iu his pockets surveying his d miains. "Sir!" gt tinted Simmons a lank specimen id' tho genus general g r detier, who Appeared to exist witii a spado over his shoulder and a measttr-ing-liuo half-way out of his pocket. "How nro tho egg-plants? "(letting along nicely, sir." "And tho cherry tomatoes?" "Well, sir, the dry weather helps 'cm aloug nma.in'. " "And, Simmons " Mr. Jes-nny bgut down, settled bin goggles and then re ettle I ill 111. "Sir." "Where is the big melon that I hud bete n watorun 1 n, Simmons, on a slate, just o'o e ty this stake?" "Well, sir, 1 up an 1 thrown I it nwny," owned Simmons ; "lor w hat a wuteruiiliiott, sir, was doiu" among them eantelopes " "You scoundrel ! You rascal !" roared Mr. Jessamy. "How dated you do such n thing? I'o you know, sir, that you have frustrated 0110 of the finest scientific expel iments of the age -a wutcriuel 1 grafted oil the item of the eintelopo vim- ginfad by my own hand ? A:id you to go mid throw it aw iy in if it w re 11 blighted pumpkin or 11 hi! l'-i ip sqit ish ! ili ili red you, I say ? Villain ! wretch ! get out of my sight !" And Mr. Jessamy, slopping short in Ins infiiriati d wur-dnnce, made such a ilivo at poor Simmons that that worthy, fearing for his bodily preser vation, whisked around ainttig tin: young cauliflowers mid run for Ins life, crushing through hot-bod siihIigh and entangling hia long ankles in mats id swot potato vines. "1 never kuowed a gentleman with sin -It it ti mpcr before !" panted Sini i.Tous, iih ho boiled head foremost, into his tool-shed, among it grove of "I ihlia poles an I (lower pots. "It'a as much as a poor worl.iu' man's life is ivui th to Iho with him !" Mr. Solomon de-ninny, left nlono with his blighted ".scientific experi ment," danced mound about it, in 11 frcn.y of wrath, uttering mingled l.i in 1-11 1 :i t ns mid maledictions. Suddenly a hand was clapped 011 his shoulder, an 1 it hoarse, chuckling voice rumbled into his ear: "I'vo got you now I" "Who aro you?" barked out Mr. lessamy, turning so abruptly that the goggles fell i ll' his lloso mi l tumbled into tho grass. "Aro you aware, sir, that ymi aro trespassing on private property?" to a second individual, tall mid spare, and apprehensive- look ing, who kept ut a sale distance. "('out", now, iiutiu of that !'' ci ied If, us Mr. Jessamy tried to wriggle out of the grasp of the stouter and shorter of the two, who was holding him, as it were, in 11 vise. "No vio lence it will do no good. Solitary conlineiiieiit that is tint thing ! Hold on to him tight, l'isli ! That's l ight. Into tlie boat with linn !" And, before Mr. Jessamy could raise his voice to halloa for help, they w-. rc darting down the river as last as strong 111 ins and a pair of btoad-bladed oars could propel them. "What is the moaning of this this out rage?" hu panted. ".iolitary coliliuemeiit that's tho thing!" said the tall mill solitary coiiliueiuetit !" Mr. Jessamy slarod ; n curious sen wit ion came over him, as it he were his own seveii-yeiir-old boy, going to be shut tip for getting into a patision. "Kit!" he faltered, "Am 1 mad?" The short, stout man grinned; tho tall one nod led oracularly. "A lucid interval, most probably," said he. "All tho better, Simpson ; it won't be necessary to hau.lciill' Ivtui." Mr. Jessamy jumped up in tho boat. The tall mull and the short man fell on him with 0110 accord, and forced li.m back into his seat; mid al most ut the saiiu moment, tlui boat drew up at a little pier or lauding, half liidditi iu water willow "Whither are you taking me?" breathlessly demanded our hero. "Solitary confinement solitary contitienietit that's the only thing," murmured t'lc tall 111 111, taking sun It'. "Sir, aro yuit mad?" cried Mr. Jos Haitty. "No; but you be! ' said tho short stout mail. "V. isy now, Mr. I'ar rott!" "That's not my name," said Mr. JcsMimy. "There's souio mistake here. "Oh, no, there ain't!" said the man. "You're Mnlaehi l'arrott, and yott'vo escaped from the Sauitiny Home; but I guess you won't ag'iu!'' My mine is Solomon Jessamy, mid 1 won't I'O mad.- a iiiadiunt iu spite of my-elf !" "(amnion!" said the nssistaut keeper of tho insane: asylum. I'vo heeid such stories afore." And, in spite of his remonstrance, Mr. Jessamy was hurried oil' to a dreary stone build 11;, up an immen sity of stairs into a s nail room, with a barred window, an iron bedstead mid a three-legged stool, with the agree able prospect of passing tho night therein ai a recaptured lunatic. As. the iron door banged upon him with tho "click ! click" of a spring lock, nud nit indescribable sensation of loiilhiess crept over him, he thought of poor little Tommy, in the dark bed-room, sttpperless, and sorely iu fear of ghouls nud goblins. "HI ever get out of this nltve,' thought he, I'll adopt a new system of diseipliuo toward tho boy hanged if I don't!" I'ut just 11s the dismal shadows (if dusk were beginning to gather in tho angles i f the cell, the soring lock clicked agatu, an 1 tho moon-like countenance of the keeper beamed iu. "It's all a mistake," said be; "and it iH-ver would have happened it mo ne t Mr. Ivhs hadn't been new liauds. We'vo found l'arrott down fishing in the woods. And Mr. Ellys, ho bopos you ain't been seriously discommoded, sir, while he's ready to make, nil apol ogies. Anything wo can do for you, sir':" Mr. Jessnmy grew scarlet. "I shall lay this nuttier before tho proper authorities, you may rest as sured!" said he. "This thin atrocious assault shall not go unpunished!" And ho stalked digniliedly out of the "Sanitary Home," followed by th profuso apologies nnd protestations; ol tho whole stafl' and faculty thereof. "Hut wo never should havo sus pected you," said tho tall man, court eously, "if wo had not seeu you danc ing mid jumping around iu such a peculiar fashion, sir." When Mr. Jessamy reached home, his first net was to release little Tom my from the durance, vile of tho back store-room. "I'll bo a good boy now, pn," w hined Tommy, with swollen eyelids and tenr-b 'sprinkled countenance. "So will I, my son," said tho phil osopher. "It'a very wicked to get nugry, ain't it, pa?" "Very wicked, indeed, my son," said Mr. Jesiiitny. And they had their supper together a lobster, w ith plenty of cream toast, iiiul peaches sliced in sugar as ami cably as pos-iible. Hon One Hook Was Written. r. IloiViiuiii of Frankfort, Ger many, wlio.o "Shock -bended Peter" is 0110 of the most famous child's books iu the world, tells its a good joko how he happened to make it, for ho is a quaint Tdd 1 1 riiiaii scientist, though good huinoii il. One Christmas ho had boon searching high and low for a suitable piet lire book for his two-year-old sou, but in vain. At last hi) purchased a blank copy book ami told his wile he was going to make a pic ture book for the boj "otio lio can nud island, and iu which tin) tedious morals 'be obedient,' 'bo clean,' 'bo industrious,' nro broii jht homo in 0 miniiier which impresses a young child." i'. Hoffman was tho head physi cian of the Frniikfort lunatic asylum, nud knew nothing of drawing, but ho set to work and produced thu gruesome picture of all tho naughty boys nud girln which everybody knows. His child was delighted, nud wheii some of his circle of literary friends saw it, they urged hint to havo it published before the boy spoiled it, and lr. Inning the publisher, said ho would briug it out. "Well," said ir. Hoftinaii, "give 1110 eighty gulden (about twenty-live dollars), nud try your fortune. lou't make it expensive, and don't make it too strong. Childicii like to tear books as well as to read them, and nursery books ought not to bo heir looms. They ought to hist only a time." An edition of 1,500 was quick ly sold, and now 173 editions have up. penred in ( riiiany and forty in Img laud, and it has been translated into Russian, Swedish, lnn:sh, Dutch, French, Italian, Portuguese, mid it has penetrated India, Alrieu and Aus tralia Paper World. Why The ('elmi'd Was There. Senator Walthall tells ft story ou himself, which is nono the less good by reason of the fact that tho seeno is laid ditriii'' the late Civil War. At that time the senator was a colouol in command of a Confederate reguneut j nnd had brought his inou into posi j tion, occupying a sunken road. A j Federal battery was pouring shot nnd j shell nil around the adjacent territory, j This tire, however, passed over Iho regiment hidden iu tho roadway, and they were to all iutcnts and purposes out of danger. On tho high bank in front of tho j place where Colonel Walthall stood I was a giant pine tree about a dozen j feet in cireuiulerence. Acting on tho I spur of tho moment, tho colonel i thought a due opportunity was pre sented to give his men 1111 object lesson in personal bravery w ithout any risk to hiinsel1. Accordingly he climbed up the bank and stood behind the pitio tree. The next minute a shell struck tho tree nnd sent a shower of bark uud splinters tlynig in all direc tions, when Walthall overheard tho following dialogue between two of his men lying 111 tho roadway b-ueath: "I teil you, Jim, it was a mighty good thing for the colonel that that pine tree was there." "Yes, Tom," replied the other, "but if it hadn't been for the big tree tho colonel would never have been there ,11 tho first place." .Memphis Com mercial Appeal. A watch which is in good running order iii olio year's time ticks lo7,080f 000 ticks. .IKAI.lUBV. Pic's coming in a little while, Slu tells me when 1 enll ; Blie enn't crime now I enn hut smile For Dolly's liml 11 tall; Ami Dolly can't he lelt, ynu know, lieeause stir's apt to ery, Vliieh wouliln't it--, of eoiirsp, nml si She's entiling by mi.) l.v. She's very, very busy now, Ami I will have to wait. She says with pretty, wrinkled brotv, lieeiniHi' it's irettlliK late, Ami really she will have no time She shakes her ein ly heiel With sai'li solemnity HtiMhit" Till Holly goes to lie.l. Another time I enll to her, I', it still she's unt impress"'!. Ami poiitiugly she ib'es ib'innr. 1'nr Holly must lie ilresseil. Sweet Polly is her foremost thought, . Ami then' is little ilnuht Th" ),,y that I Mlmlly Imuelit lias really ut nn- out." Chlengn Test TSSAV ON THU ANT. Ants nit. very small insects, they cm carry a load ten or twelve times their own weight. They livo in societies often very large. There is another kind of ants known ns tho winged nut, they appear in autumn mid die before cold weather begins, with the exception of a few who livo to start a uow colony. They nro divided into two classes, culled workers and soldiers, tho work ers doing all the hard work while the soldiers do most nil tho lighting, but if tho enemies aro too many iu num ber or rii-h in on their foe the work ers havo to light too. The e;gs of tho nut nro so small that you cau scarcely seo them with the uaked eye. Tho mother drops them wherever sho happens to be, and the workers pick them up and moisten them with their tongues and lay them in the rooms. In a few days the young ones aic hatched uud then tho workers arc busy feeding tho bnby nuts. Their whole supplies of food nro brought in and put iu tin store rooms by the workers. 'Tho food of some nuts consists ol animals, and of others vegetables. Ants are very fond of sugar, and they seem to be drawn to it by 1111 acute sense of smell- If we bury nn nuini'il in an nut-hili we will find only the skeleton of it in a few days Trenton (X. J.) Aineric in. Ml'TLE MAlKilR. Littlo Maggie was brought up n( tho poorhouse. She had nothing to give any one but kindness, but she gave so much of that that everyone loved her the niatrou and tho live old ladies who were obliged to livo iu the desolate old house on tho hill, which had neither porch nor simile tree. Maggie used to run about to find things they had lost spectacles nnd hnndkctchitfs, for iustauee. She but toned their shoes and put up their hair, aud wheuever sho could do any tlHtig nice for them sho did it. Ponrhouse faro is very dry, nnd when blackberries were ripo Maggie used to beg tho matron to let her go into tho woo ls and pick some for iho poor old ladies' tea- Tho main 11 said she might. Aud whoti Mr.Smith, the grocer, saw her tilling her pail, he asked her what sho was doing with so many and she told him. "Oh," said he, "1 guess I'll have to give you sugar for them. They won't taste good without s;i:r, nnd I ku w what poorhouse providing is. When ever you pick a mess of fruit, come to mo for Uigur." And when winter came he sent some bags of dried fruit aud a box of sugar. The poor old people could have told you how linu-li better it made their bread ami butter taste, and when Mr. Smith's good deed bee une known, the people at tho dry-goods store re membered that they had some woolen goods, not very hands. mie or sa'abie, but very comfortable for all t!:af, nud set the old ladies up in hood-j shawls, stockiii js and mittens for the w inter. It was summer again, and Maggie was pushing t he matron's baby nbou" 111 its wagon, when she saw a lady whom she knew by sight coiun out her liousi) and lock the door. Hh had a traveling-bag iu her Land, am, sho stopped and looked about her n. her pretty garden. The iiiilk-niaU was just passing mid he snld: "(loud afternoon, Miss Hillings, doing 6 way?" "Yes, Mr. PiMwo " sho nnswered, "I'm going for a moinh, and when I come buck a 1 1 y (lowers will be dead. I'm sorry, for 1 do love my garden. If I had near neighbors, I could pay some of their boys to water tin in ;!ut I'm too far oil' to do that. So good bye to my posies. " When sho was gone, Maggie went up to the fence and looked at the dow ers. "What a shame'she thought, "that they should be allowed to die!" Then she remembered that after the old ladies had had tea and the matron's bnby was ndei p she never had much to do, and that she could run over be fore bedtime came and wider the gar den. There was a well nud a cistern, and It pail stood himdy. Jt seemed to Maggie that it would be very pleasant work, but when the next evening she really set herself at it, she found it very tiresome. There was a cis at many beds, and a gnat deal of wati ! was needed. However, sho did not give up her plan for that. Kvery evening found In r at the place, and after 11 while she found that tho task seemed easier. The very first night she had heard a glint lniaoiiling, and had seeu a poor little cat limning about the porch; evidently il was hungry. Slie had nothing to give it, however, but the 111 xt evening she asked the matron for Mime crusts, w Inch sh s snake I in water and put into a little tin can. I'uss was glad to g t it, and every night Maggie took something for tho cat to cat. This went on for a month, until one morning a lady walked up to the poor Itousu door mi l nske I if there was a little gii 1 there mimed Maggie. Mag gie wits sent for. The lady was Miss Hillings. Miss Hillings gave her a kind smile, nnd said ; "My dear child, Mr. Hrown, my milkman, tells me that all tiio while I've been gone you have watered my llowcts. Is that so ? " "Yes, ma'am," said Maggie. "I heard you say they would die for want of it, and that seemed a shame ; so 1 did it i veilings. " "Ami my cat !" sai l Miss Pilings. "Some one has fed my cat. I earned her to a friend, but sho ran awny home again, ns eats will, nnd i-ho'd have starved but for you. I am s much oblige I t you, and I want to give von noiuethiiig for it." "U'i, I don't want anytlntig, ma'am," Maggie said. Hut Miss Hillings undo her g . with her to the store, and gave her a nice pink frock, a nice straw hat, aud other useful and pretty things. A few days lat-T she eamo back and hud a talk with the matron. She said she needed a little git 1 to help about the house, mi I would take Maggie if s!:o liked to come. "1 have had some iiioin y left to me, and cau atl'oid to do well bv her," sho -ni I. Maggie has been well educated, and is as healthy and happy as 11 gill cau be, and not a week pnss- s but sho comes to the pool house with soiuo nieo tilings that Mi-s Hillings has sent to the old ladies. In fact, they have ma le it so much the fashion to bo kind to the poorhouse tolk that tho authorities have resolved to put up 11 porch for them to sit under 111 sunny weather, and to lav oir. grass-plots be fore tho house, and a contribution has been taken up lit the village bfr rockiiig-eliairs.ati I the poor old souls never b ul so milch c nufort In fore. "An 1 our Maggie started it ad with the blackberry picking, "the old indies say to each other; which is quite true, for if Ma;gte hail just gone about Hellishly picking us many b-. rries as she could eat, and forgetting that the poor old ladies might like some, too, the goo I grocer would not have thought about t li' 111 ail sent tho sugar and dried fruit. It the grocer had not been generous,! lie dry goo. Is peo ple nrglit not have remembered what they colli 1 give away, and so on. Sho certainly set the ball robing. As for Maggie's own si if, if sho had Unt bet u good-natured enough to water the tlowi rs and feed the poor littlo cat, Mi-s Hillings would 11, v-r h io know 11 that there wai a little gn I ut the poor house to whom she Colli I be a friend. When on pei-.iu lues a goo I deed it geueiailv put- it into another person's lie irt to d 0 iiiiel her. And even a kind thought has brought about gieat be ile itis to tnaiil.in.l, it Hotne one littered it wlm coii.d iln nothing else. Xoi York Ledger. MAKING BIBLES. Oxford Fress Turns Out Twenty Thousand Every Week. Precision With Wlncli Tlie Holy Writ is Prepared. A single concern, the celebrated Oxford pivss, in tlie university town of (l.xlord, England, actually manu factures nnd iliq. uses of '.JO.IMII vol umes of the scriptures a w. ek, or up ward of 1,000,000 a year. A further interesting fact that is worth remem bering is that, in all probability, the iiame of no living man appears in so many volumes ns does that of Mr. Henry Prowde, who has been pub lisher of the miiveiHiiy for more thu:i twenty years. The making of a bible has a ro matic-j all itso ui. An 1 there aro no other printing works in the world that can tin u out liil.b-s, or ni'b'ed, works of any sort, with the wniid'-rfiil Kysh III, completeness and perfect 1 jl! ofdetailth.il is employed by this s.iun) Oxford pioss. i'.uo! nioin h ive be.-n the profits of this Oxl'oid pre-H, iii-rely I mm the sale of liibles. Out id tho largo lev i nnes obtaitii-d iu tins way the estab lishment h is been able to undertake tho publication of many important and valuable technical works thai would not have paid for issuing of themselves. Tin) wanks wln-re Htldes are undo arc particularly remarkable from the fact that iu Ihoiii every de tail of tho inituiifaeturo of a book in carried oil upon the premises, with one solitary except ion, that of binding 1111 I gill-edging, which is do lie in Lau 1I0II. The establishment has its own pa per mill, a quaint old building at Wolvereote. two miles from Oxford, and there a variety of dilVoieut papers are made, some of the line.-t in the world among the number, including the Oxford "India" paper, which for fineness of texture has never been equaled nud the secret of w hose manu facture is known to but three people. The Oxford press has its own typo foundry, the oldest in Hngland. The frequent use of arbitrary signs and curious characters iu tho books this establishment issti ,-s makes neces sary nn immense aino'Uit of hand c.tst ingvill of which is d me to perfection. Kcii the lead for tiio foundries is p cparod on tho prem ses, though t'j3 antimony and tin me b u rhi 111 tho state r quired. In a building near by the i u ic is mixed and c net' lily tested witii a degree of sueee-is th it not even the sm-ilVsl lett-.-r is ever bint 1 ed or Miimlgi d. Tvpi s( nine, the Oxford Bible is u mighty task, for it is a matter of prido that no ic isl-.iui's slnul occur. Not only ure Hibles ot uisliuury si;:e and form issued from here, but curiosi ties us will iu 1 If way id Bible mak ing brilliant Hibles, finder and thumb pray er book-, 111 tho very tiniest of types. One curious feature w hich indicates the precision with whi 'h these sacred books are prepared is that the vaiioiis pages and tlf columns thereof haie to begin with tin' smie v.otd, it mut ter what type is used. In tho proof 1 ifh lbble is read over mid over again for the detection of errors ; 11 Bible set in minion type, say, with a uou pireil edition, uud then with a brevier cilition, and so on. When the pages are stereotyped tho book is read over again. It often hap pens that the sheets nro gone over a dozen times before they are sent to be bound. Any employe who detects a primei's uror is paid well, and the first outsider who linds one is reward id by a guinea. Tui care bears such good results that the yearly average of mistakes detected is but live. Tin- printed slie, ts are dried in a hot room, in which dry air is driven roiin 1 by a large c.rculir I m. Fr in four to seven tons of printed sheets 11 day are sent to tli- bindery. The sku.s of tipwutd of 70,000 ani mals are 11' I ye n Iv t . c n 1 Oxford Bibles, Over . i sheets ol gold Ii at are 1 quired to c vor t no ba..,a of the volume-. At the Ovl rd pres.,' ordinary rate of speed It takes a fortnight to turn out an edition, bat if necessary the work can be done in mi extr.aordiuitiy short space of lute. New York M01 n l tig Journal. V. (irked The ascites Out. W. I.. Scott, the co.ii b iron of Eric, was a dyspeptic. He ellCo Slid to mo as we sat ut the ta'o'e together in the ibnii'g ro nn of th ) Fifth Avenue llot.-l : "I will give you . 1, 000, odd for your -t' iu ii h. " Charles Broad way li-niss is off -ring $1, 000,00 I f .r a pair of ties. What lesson do we draw front tli s? '.(he iiisnne thirst lor money, in nicy, tuouoy, is nt tlej bottom of it all. Xiiw York Pmu A Sung of Sweet I)ny. Sweet are th" days of tho past inn", But tin y come 110 more to me ; for the hest titnu l tin- last time 'ilia'. I'rings my heart to tlf ol To theo. triy sweet. Ami may (toil greet The time that yoti ami I shall meet I Sweet are the days of pastime. Sweet with the morning's '1"W ; iut the best time is tlf last time, VYI1-1 I kiss.st farewell to ynu ! To you, my sweet. An I may (iod greet 't he tine' that ynu antl 1 shall meetf -Frank L. Stnutou. HTMOHOrS. The trouble seems to bo (lint when n man has 11 good scheme, it is not his move. First savage- Isn't sho just too sweet for anything? Second savage Yes. I'll trouble you for the salt. Higgled Does happiness consist in having everything you want?" Pig-gh-dv N it consists entirely in tho ability to get more. "Why, he yawned three times while I was talking to him." "Perhaps he wasn't yawning. 11) may havo boeu trving to siy something." City Man How far is your house from the station? Suburbanite (hesi tatingly ) -- Well ; that depends on win ther you 1110 running to catch a train. Mr. Woodbie Passenger (in railroad station at Pmighkeipsie) Here, you, what time dues the ne.xt truin go to New York? Mike He jabers ; 'tis just gone, Mir. "Oh, ibnr," said tl.e girl with tho X-ray glance, as she looked at her bidilul lover. Here's Jack como again tonight and not brought his backbone with him." A tramp bcggcil or bread at a cooking- t -ilo.. (.,..r ; A girl -.-aie him cuke she had made ju t be- (.!. Tie- tramp took a bite : then said he, with a :.' 'an, J a-ked yon for t r -ad and yni (.'live me a s!' II '. "Moit extraordinary man. ""In what wny? ' "I think he's the only man iu the country who has a manufacturing plant of any description nud hasn't be gin to mnke bicycles." Judge Have you any thing to sny bef are the judgment of the court is passed upon you? Tough prisoner l'.t ggin' yer honor's pardon, bev ye heard the score, judge? Our Buiruies "Children, 1 hopo you peeled the apples before eating them?" "Y-.-s, mother. dear." "What havo you done with the peelings?'' " h, we ate them altci wai iU." "A child," sai I t'n oracular young I t-r-o'i. "canits., questions that a wise 111:111 caliuot answer." "There's olio satislacti.oi," said the man of family, "ne eati't iisktery manv of 'cm with out g-tting sent to bed." S.iti-1 ty-seho d teacher Pou't for get, my children, that you nro all e tiled upon to do penance. Of course yon l.n av what the word peiiiinot) nn an ? Bi'ght scholar Yes, sir! P. iinaiits is what the league fellers lav lor. "Just th'iik. Mr. Wright," said the young woman who wa-i trying to bo pleasant, "ail the childnu in tho neighborhood are iipeatnig that poem of your- that nppeat'cd ill lust month's inagii.iiie." "Tuat is flatter ing. Veiv." "Yts. Tney are using it for a ivuiiting-out ihy!iie,yoit know ileal i Itlie t hings-. "' Tie Smilaiy Value of :litiusf. K no dn-s lea lily aval. able nlld casi'.v applied ais- not so oft- n recom iiieiole 1 by our medical mentors that w e c 1 a it If 1 rd to owiiiiok the ihs c.cry of the 'celebrated Belgian phvsii'iin, " who has ju-t proclaimed that va w uieg i one of th-' healthiest sii I niosi bein -fiend of bodily func tions. Ttie 111 re w yawn, it appears, the more our lungs and respiratory muscles bee. mho "toiiiiied," and the better we ate altogether. It is not 1 the b ast merit of this ,l,s Mv. ry that, like necessity iu the Sh.kspeiau prov eib, it makes viie things -or, nt any I rat , uiiw ieoine things -pn eions. I The society of bolts, the pleaching ol 1 he eier t-iliy until, the speeches ot pal iui'in ntary windbags and plat form buffoons the novel of the advertising lull-topper, aud the poetry of tho tnaggot-brii'in'd "dt-e nb'tit," all as sume a high sanitary value in tho light of this notable pronouncement, which, among other results ought tu h ive n m irked intbieuce upon tho de" man 1 for places iu the stnmgeis' gal lery of the House of Common1. London World. riiilosnphjr of Hie Heine. A philosopher ob-erves : "Six thing, h re requ's t to create a hnpny home. Ou- of these is a good cook, nud tho other five are inouev. " 7T