North Carolina Newspapers

()c Chatham Rtcorb. H. A. LONDON, Editor and Proprietor, Terms of subscription, $1.50 Per Year. Strictly in Advance ihc (Chatham ttccort. RATES OF ADVERTISING One square, one insertion $1.00 One square, two insertions 1.60 One square, one month 3.50 For Larger Advertise ments Liberal Con tracts will be made. 1 Ay V.QL. XXVII. PITTSBORQ, CHATHAM COUNTY, N. C.. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 1, iaOI. NO. 16. Mm Copyright 18ft, by Rbilrt Bosmt'i Sows.' CHAPTER XXIV.' . . Continued. "Isn't grandfather ' violating: the agreement we made as we we com ing to lunch?" I inquired of my father. 'The agreement "was between you and me," said my father, smiling. "Mr. Wolsey v-as not a party to it." "I beg your pardon, I am sure," said Mr. Wolsey. "That you should" discov er in what I have said anything to re mind you of the man your father and you have agreed not to speak of, is as full an acknowledgment of the truth cf my remarks as I could receive." As I could not deny that this was the case I remained silent, and my father took advantage of the pause to ask, Mr. Wolsey some question relating to farming in Australia, which effectually deflected the conversation from that dangerous channel into which It had again drifted. Luncheon over, I withdrew, and was making my way to my room when I was stopped by a servant in the hall, who was bringing me a letter which had just been delivered by a mounted messenger. Hastily tearing open the envelope I read: : Mrs. Andrew Butterwell presents : ' : her compliments to Mr. Ernest Trii- : : roan, and requests the pleasure of : " : his company on Friday, the -; th : : of September, to join a shooting : : party. . : : At Kingsthorpe Grange, 10 a. '. I : in., sharp. : ?. : Chevington. v-Gi.. : ".' : Bury St. Edmund's, '-' : : th September, 18 - ' : ' : R.S.V.P. : This communication was upon a card, lithographed in the usual man ner, with the blanks for names and dates filled up in writing. I turned it over in my hand two or three times be fore I remembered the circumstances of the troublesome old widow who was ence my companion on a -railway journey from London to Bury "St. Ed mund's. Of course I would not go', there was nothing to consider on that point, but it at once flashed upon me that this circumstance would afford the opportunity I desired for sending old John Adams away out of the house tor the greater part of the next day for Chevington lay seme five miles on the other side of Bury, and it would take a messenger at the least six or seven hours to go there and return. "Tell the messenger I am unable to give my answer now, but I will either come to Chevington to-morrow, as re quested, or send a messenger to excuse me," I said to the servant, and putting the card in my pocket I continued my way to my room. Yes, I thought, this is a heaven-sent opportunity, and will not only spare me sending to Bury to purchase some thing I dent want, but will keep the old man away from the house long enough to enable me to thoroughly ex amine everything in his room. I opened my window and looked out upon the garden. The storm was sub siding, but rain still fell and there were occasional distant rumblings in the air. My spirit was as perturbed as nature had been, but unlike nature,, was not tending toward peace. A vague presentiment, as of some pend ing calamity, deeply oppressed me. Pshaw, I mused; what humbugs men are!" My grandfather's words just now sounded most true and disingenuous; his indictment of uncle Barn would have won the sympathy of any one who did not know that the old man was the first to break faith in the mat- ter of my mother's marriage. And my own father too, did he not avail himself of my grandfather's authority to effect what he failed to otherwise achieve, his fair fighting competitor being his brother? Then there is my rival nay, my enemy Evan Price. All that fellow said about our family was true; yet why did he say it? Because a rich and beautiful girl he desires has preferred me before him; therefore it is he hates me. Again, there la. that ungrateful thief we have housed and fed for I don't know how many: years robbed us of a fortune and sown per haps an irremediable enmity between two brothers. Certainly, but for the love of my Constance I should be dis gusted with the whole world. Life is an inexplicable thing.- Every man must Cght for himself or suffer extinction. What a difference intercourse with mankind has made in the language ancV views of my grandfather! ...Before he left Holdenhurst he could scarce speak upon any subject but the seasons and crops; that is not so now. As for m'y self, I have largely .increased my knowledge and courage, and if not yet quite happy, I must surely be ?o soon after I have : accomplished the task I have come here to do. v - -, That task! I could not get It out of my rnind for one moment. Would that this day were over and to-morrow come! What a triumph my vindication of my uncle's honesty and the sudden Possession of a large fortune would be! There was nothing but to patiently endure for awhile this mental strain; this chaos of inconsequent thought. The day wasted slowly. I did not meet my father and grandfather; again until dinner, which, thanks to the studied caution of all three present, yassea without reference to any dis puted subject. In the exgning my v WALTER ! BL'OQM FIELD grandfather filled the pipe from the large bowl which he had carried about with him from my earliest recollection, and in the intervals of his puffing re lated some of his experiences in Aus tralia and New Zealand. Many of his anecdotes were interesting; but none so interesting to me as the information, casually disclosed, that my father and he would be absent from the Hall near ly the whole of the next day surveying our vacant farms. That night I could not sleep, and the heavy hours dragged wearily. I was feverish and restless from suppressed excitement, and tho first streak of dawn was the signal for me to aban don my bed. I threw my window open wide. The day had risen fresh and fair, and the birds were busy seeking their food. ' Nature was refreshed by the storm of yesterday, and the aspect before me told of peace and reanima tion. I thought, perhaps a little sadly, of my old life at home before I had seen uncle Sam; and of the great change hat had come over my habits, thoughts md hopes within the past few months, .amenting that extended knowledge should not always signify increased aappiness, but too orten the contrai-y. endeavored, but not very effectually, to comfort myself with the reflection that the matters whsch troubled my father and I were not of our creation, neither were they very much within our control. The die was cast, and I must redeem my promise to my uncle; ..here was no escape from it now, how aver distasteful the task. The honor of our whole family, and my own per ;onal interest, largely depended on the :ssue. - " At breakfast my father and Mr. Wol sey talked very freely, but still care fully avoided any reference to uncle iam. The former was particularly considerate and asked me to accom pany him over the vacant farms in the old kind way in which he had always been used to ""speak to me, so that I was hard put to it to excuse myself. My father and Mr. Wolsey were no sooner departed than I sought John Adams, and found the old man in the stable polishing a harness. "John," I said, " put the bay mare in the dog-cart while I go in the house to write a note. I want you to go to Chevington at once." "To Chevington, Master Ernest?" the old man echoed in a tone of surprise. "Yes, to Chevington," I repeated. ''Look .-sharp; there's no time to lose. I shall be back again in two or three uainutes." - When I returned with my hastily scribble apology Adams was backing ;he .mare ; into the sr.afts, and very soon afterwards was ready to start on ais journey. . "Take tbisr" I said, giving the old man the letter'and deliver it to Mrs. Butterwell, at Kingsthorpe Grange, Chevington. Don't drive the mare too fast; give her a- good bait and at least an hour's rest at Chevington." "Will there be any answer to the letter?" inquire the old man. :"I dou'tkuow; possibly there rnay be." I went to the gate and watched the old man drive away until he was lost to my sight in the bend of the road, and then, 1 returning into the house, went direct to Adams' bedroom. So far as I remembered, I had never been in that room in my life, though I perfectly well knew which room it was. To my great annoyance I found that the door was securely locked. After considering this circumstance for some moments, I decided not to ring for a- servant but to go myself to the kitchen. In the kitchen my unexpected pres ence created surprise, and the house keeper came forward to meet me. . "There Is something in Adams' bed room I want;. he has just gone out, and the door appears to be locked. Do you know where I can find the key?" I asked. :y "Pie always carries It about with him." . - "What!" I exclaimed; "does he clean his own room and keep It locked?" . "Yes, sir," ' answered the house keeper. "How long has this been?" I in quired. : i - "Years and years; I can't tell you how long," answered the woman, smil ing. I waited no longer, but went at once to a granary at the. back of the stable where a tall ladder was kept. Though the door . of Adams' bedroom was locked, the window, I had noticed, was open. By that means would I get into the bedroom, if possible; if not, then would I break into it by force. With no attempt at concealment, I brought the ladder and placed it under, Adams' window. If was an ancient window or casement, consisting of small panes, of glass set in lead; and it opened like a door, with a rack and pinion to prevent it flapping in-the wind. Through "this window I entered the room almost as easily as it could have been entered by the door. The room was very long and narrow, and the celling si opea so much to one sido as to almost meet the floor. At ' one. end stood the ojd man'a bedstead; and all the rest of the available space, except .only a narrow way which led from the door to the bed, was literally crammed with boxes and packages ot every shape and size. I remembered now that when the Hall was being renovated this room, by the special request of. Adams, had been suffered ',ogo untouched. I had not expected to come to such a large storehouse of miscellaneous property, and was at a loss what to examine first. After a casual glahce round, my eyes lighted upon a strange looking chest, painted a dull red, with some neatly obliter ated Oriental' characters in gold upon the lid, and that chest I determined to open. . That this chest had belonged to my ancestor Koger, I had not the smallest doubt; and my belief was confirmed when, after cutting the cords with which it was bound, I removed the lid and took out from it a Turkish robe, elegantly embroidered with gold, the color as fresh as on the day it was niade As I held this garment up to examine it there fell from out its folds a fez, ornamented with a gold cres cent and three diamond stars, and an aigrette composed of various magnifi cent stones and birds of paradise feath ers, the latter for the most part broken and crushed. I was now in such a frenzy of ex citement as to be almost incapacitated for continuing my search. Was all the property in this thief's den stolen from us? and if so, was it all as valua ble as this? In my eagerness I turned the chest upside down that I might the quicker acquaint myself with its con tents, which I found to consist of two other robes similar to the first but of different pattern, several more dia mond stars, and five daggers of various sizes, all of them with richly jeweled handles. Having replaced the things in the chest as carefully as my agitated state would allow me, I sat down cn the edge of the bed and wiped the perspiration ' from my forehead. What should I I examine next? I had already abund ant power to compel Adams to restore the sequins and whatever else he had stolen from us under threat of imme diate prosecution. Why, my object was already half accomplished. My father would now "have to abandon his scepticism; the wrong uncle Sam had done the Wolseys would be bal anced by the wrong, my father and Mr. Wolsey had done uncle Sam; we should all be rich together; enmity would ceasa among us and everything hence forth go as merrily as the marriage bell which my Connie and I would cause to ring. No, I would not look any further now. When my father returned this room should be emptied, and every thing in it thoroughly examined. Mean while I would take with me the aig rette, stars and daggers; would close the window, and nail the door up on the outside. Having carefully executed these ar rangements I placed the ladder where. I had found it, and went again into the kitchen, where I left instructions that old John was to be sent to me in the parlor the moment he returned, and that nothing was to be said to him about my having been Into his bed room. And then, with f eeliugs similar to thosj which I suppose must animate a victorious general after a battle, I paced round and round our garden hour after hour, waiting for the return cf Adams, which I hoped might be before my father and Mr. Wolsey came home. After what appeared an interminable time a maid came oui to inform me that Adams had returned, and wts awaiting me in the parlor, and thither I nt ence went. The old man was standing just in side tbe door, holding his hat in one hand, and a letter la tne other. I took the letter from him and opened It, but finding that It was long put It into my pocket for -the present without rending It. "John, how long have you been a servant here?" I asked. The old man looked up wonderingly, and after a brief pause replied: "Nigh on forty-six year. Your grand father was just married when I come, and your father wasn't born until eighteen months after." "And though you have been well treated and cared for all those years, you must needs rob your benefactors of everything valuable you can lay your hands on. Look at those things which I have just. recovered from your room," I exclaimed, throwing the -aigrette, the stars, and the daggers on the table. "And tell me, you lying thief, what you have done with those gold coins you stole out of the crypt, or by the God that made me, I'll bind you hand a&d. f oot and cart you off to Ix worth;" and with these words I sprang at the old man, and seizing him by the throat, forced him against, the walL where I held him as in a vise, sur prised at my own strength. - To be continued. - "t,,. Japan. Japan is a progressive nation. She is quick to adopt and adapt the ideas of more advanced "peoples. She has been, as a whole, on such . prominent and continuous exhibition for the past quarter of a. century that,", at .first glance, her proposed monster exposi tion of 1903 seems superfluous, but she has learend that such expositions are a great means of attracting visitors, with whom profitable business can be done, and it is gqod business policy that extends this invitation to the world to come on a special shopping expedition to Japan. Philadelphia. Ledger. " The number of students in the .119 regular medical schools of the United States in 1900 was 1070 females and 21tQ73 males. , Convention and Association!. NE interesting feature, or educational' work is the i I holding of conventions in V I connection with the build ing of object lesson roads. While the work is in progress, a convention is called and the people come from far and near to witness the work 'of road building and listen to instructive addresses. Such a convention seldom adjourns without forming ti permanent organization Mainly in this way good roads asso ciations have been formed in all" sec tions, and by them the work of edu cation and agitation has been carried on. s At a great National convention for consideration of the road improvement question, held in Chicago, in Novem ber, 1900, the National Good Roads As sociation was organized, and it has since grown until, with its afliliated Stale, district and local associations. it is without doxibt the greatest or ganization of the kind in existence. But it is not the only National organ ization of this kind. The American Itoadmakerp, of which the Hon. James II. Macdonald, of Connecticut, is Presi dent, is organized in nearly every sec tion of the United Spates, and its re cent annual convention at Hartford, Conn., was attended by several hun dred delegates. In 1901, an international congress of persons interested in. road improve ment was held at Buffalo, in connec tion with the Pan-American Exposi tion. All sections of the United States and several foreign countries were rep resented. It would be impossible in this brief review of the good rosds movement to even mention the many important conventions which have been held since the great Chicagj meeting of 1S92. But no history of the movement would be complete without some ac count of the National convention held at St. Louis at the time the Louisiana Purchase Exposition was dedicated. In the number of leading public men who attended and participated, thisi athering far exceeded any of ,te redecessors. Addresses were deliv- pr ered by President Roosevelt, Hon. A. C. Latimer, Colonel William J. Bryan, General Miles an.l by several Con gressmen f.nd Governors of States, as well as many other men of National prominence. v National Aid Movement Launched. The most significant; feature of the St. Louis meeting was the launching of the National aid plan. Colonel W. P. Browulow, of Tennessee, had giveu this plan prominence before the coun try by introducing a bill in the Fifty seventh Congress providing tbat the Government should co-operate with the States in the Improvement of the roads, and pay one-half of the expense. From the first this proposition at tracted much favorable attention, es pecially among the rural population. But the idea was fairly launched on its National career by the convention at St. Lduis. It was, in fact, the prin cipal theme of discussion and the sen itment for it was well-nigh unani mous. Good Heads in Congress. The St. Louis convention created a committee representing all sections of the country to go to Washington, lay its demands be-fore Congress, and-argue in favor of the Nation's help in the work of improving the roads, Last January the Committee on Agriculture iu both the Senate and House granted publio hear ings to this committee; and the Sen ate baa since issued a report of tho hearing tov dlstrubutlon to the people. On the whole it must be said that the advocates of National aid made out a strong case, and the report contains a large amount of valuable informa tion. . The Senate committee has since de cided by a vote of six -to one to make a favorable report on the Latimer bill, with some amendments, and this re port will go before -the Senate for action at the next session. That public sentiment is generally favorable to the National aid proposi tion is shown by the fact that It has been endorsed by the Legislatures of 'six States, by the National Grange, the Trans-Mississippi Commercial Con gress, the American Mining Congress, and by State and local conventions and organizations cf many kinds in all parts of the country. v State Aid. No history of this move ment would be complete without some reference to the State, aid plan. In fact the ' greatest actual accomplish ment of tho movement; is that it has secured the adoption ;bf this plan in ten. States. The essential features of this plan are the creation of a Slate Highway Commission, and the co-operation of the State with the counties and towns in tho work of road im provement, each bearing a fixed portion . ef the expense, though, no two States tavo -adopted exactly the same plan. All the northeastern States from Maine to Pennsylvania and ..Maryland have adopted State aid, and the results se cured are so satisfactory that tho popu larity of the plan increases every year. In New Jersey the State pays one third of the cost of road improvement, and tho Legislature mow appropria tes $230,0 00 annually. In Connecticut the State. pays two-thirds of the expenses and." tho vannual appropriations are S225000. Massachusetts spends nearly half a million a year, the State pay ing three-fourths of the cost. In New Yark the State pays cce-half the cost, Ifi ill in hi and the last Legislature xaade an ilk' propriation of $600,000 for this iUr pose. Pennsylvania's last Legislature appropriated;$6,500.000 as a State fund, to be expended during six .years, th State paying ..two-thirds of the -.cost of the roads built. All the other: States in this part of the country have adopt ed this 'plan in some form. In these States the sentiment for National aid is strong, it being argued that the only ideally perfect and just system of co operation in road building is one in which the Federal Government enters as an active factor. A High Aim. The good roads move ment has been steadily gaining in force for a dozen years, and during the past two years it has gained at a greatly accelerated rate. The. aim of its friends and promoters is to make an end of the unscientific piece-meal meth- ods of road work now in vogue in nearly all parts of the country, and to substitute therefor scientific methods, intelligent supervision, and co-operation of Nation, State and local com munity in a united and co-ordinate effort for the improvement of the roads throughout the whole country. This is a high aim, and the undertaking is a stupendous one. But who will say that -it is too great for the Amcricau people to accomplish?. AM HISTORIC WATCH. Time Piece Made For Kin;; Chailes Isl Still Kunninjr. There is iiftue possession of Wilfred Towell, who represents the Britich em pire at this port, a timepiece that told off the hours for England's royal mar tyr. After his victory over Charles II. Oliver Cromwell wrote exultantly to England's Parliament, telling how the enemy was beaten from hedge to hedge till he was finally driven into Worcester. There were 700.) prison ers among the spoils ot that right. The royal carriage in which the king had been carried was there, too, and : in that handsome carriage was the royal carriage watch, which also fell into the hands of the victorious Cromwell. This timepiece of royalty, which still ticks after av career of 2G2 yeairf, was made in 1G-10 for King Charles I, by the royal watchmaker of that time. King Charles I. was beheaded two years before his spa Charles II. was defeated on and escaped from the field of Worcester. . - It is of the oldest watchmaking pat tern, being made entirely by baud, and costiug in its day a good round sum of money. Th-se ' of solid I- ornamented ,a beautiful pierced filigree work, and there is an outer case of copper with a handsome leath er cover, silver studded. The royal watch runs thirty-six hours with one winding. Only one hand is used in designating the time. There is a silver bell enclosed within the silver -case, on which the hours are struck. There is also an alarm at tachment. The watch is four and one half inches in diameter, and one and a half inches thick. Cromwell kept it as a personal pos session for years. But after the res toration it fell into the hands of Jos eph Kipling. Esq.. of Overstone House, North Hants. England, an ancestor ot Rudyard Kipling. Joseph Kipling was also an aucestor of the present owner of the watch. Philadelphia Telegraph. WORDS OF WISDOM. You cannot use virtue to a varnish. Whatever soils the soul iust be sin. A song will outlive ah sermons in the memory H. Giles. Jest not with the two-edged sword of God's word. Fuller. Rulers always hate and suspect the next in succession Tacitus, The wonderful thing about a man is bis power to become.-E. J. Boswortl), Evil never tempted a man whom ha found Judiciously enipJoyed.-r.Spurgeon, Thou art pool indeed if thou art not stronger than thy poverty.-Jamei Allen, When the service of the Lord seems hard, it is because we are but imper fectly performing it. P. Mercer. A man who does not know how to learn from his mistakes, takes the best schoolmaster out of his life. Beecher. When one is sad or out of sorts for any cause whatever, there is no rem edy so infallible as trying to make somebody else happy. J. W. Carney. Where there is no mother there can be no child. Their duties are recipro cal; and if they are badly. jfulfilled on one side, they will be neglected on the other. Rousseauv Fortunes In Broken Glass. The waste from glass furnaces is now made useful. Into a fire resisting mold are placed fragments of glass of various colors, which are then raised, to a high temperature. "The -coherent' mass thus produced can be dressed and cut into beautiful mottled blocks and slabs, forming an artificial marble of decorative surface. Designs in re lief can be obtained by pressure while the material is still plastic. From broken glass a "stained glass" win dow can be made by. firing, without the ordinary slow process of "lead ing." A prosaic soda water bottle in the filial fulfilment of its destiny may dazzle the eyes as brilliant "dia monds" or other 'precious stones." Thus does the waste-come to resemble the most precious commodity if prop erly handled and utilized. New York Herald. j, ' Annual Diamond Output. Mr. Louis Tas, one of the best known diamond brokers, estimates the output of the De Beers mines annually at $10,000,000, and of. other mines at $4, 500,000. Add to this the cost of la bor, the profits of the syndicate, etc., and he thinks that the annual output f diamonds is worth about $35,000,000, Moiisehold alters Soar Cream Drop Cak : One-cup sugar; one-half cup "butter, one egg, one-half cup sour cream, one tea'spoon of soda dissolved iu a very little hot water, flour to mix soft Drop from a spoon on greased tins. " Potato Souffle. To two cupfuls of smooth, well sea soned and quite moist mashed potatoes add the yolks of two eggs. When a little cold stir in lightly the whites of two eggs beaten very stiff. Put the whole into a pudding dish and brown it in a quick oven. ; "" ' Spinach Salad. Boil and chop fine half a peck of spinach, mold it in six glasses and stand away until cold. Prepare six leaves of lettuce, put on each a square of cold boiled ham or tongue, turn out the mold of spinach on this and put on each a tablespoonful of Freuch dress- Fried Cucumbers. Pare and cut lengthwise three large, cucumbers in slices about half an inch thick, soak them in ice water one hour, then wipe each piece dry, sprinkle with salt and pepper, dredge w'.th flour or cornmeal and fry in one table spoonful of butter on both sides until brown. Tomatoes Broiled. . Slice six tomatoes half an inch thick, but do not peel them. Dip them in one tablespoonful of oil or melted butter, sprinkle with pepper and salt and broil them eight minutes on each side. Serve them with bits of butter sprinkled over them. Add one teaspoonful of chopped parsley. Caramel Ice-Cream. One-third cupful of thin cream or ne-sixth cupful of each of heavy cream and milk, one and a half table spoonfuls of granulated sugar, one tablespoonful of boiling' water, one quarter teaspoonful of vanilla, a grain of salt. Put sugar in a small sauce pan; place on range and stir constantly until melted. Add water and boll until mixture is reduced to one tablespoon ful. - Add cream very slowly, vanilla, salt, then freeze. Cheese Costard. - Butter a baking dish, put in a layer of bread cut in pieces one inch square with crust removed, sprinkle thin sliced cheese over the bread, dust with salt and paprika, or a few grains of cayenne. Add other layers of bread and cheese, seasoning as before, using in all half a small loaf of bread, one cup of cheese and half a teaspoonful of salt. Beat two eggs slightly, add one pint of milk, and pour the mixture over the bread and cheese. Bake about half an hour In a moderate oven. l Oranges Filled With Jelly. Take half a dozen oranges that are perfect; make a hole at the stem end about half an inch in diameter; take a 4easpoon and remove the pulp, and then soak the oranges in cold water for an hour; then scrape with the spoon until they are smooth inside; rinse with cold water and drain on a cloth and put them in ice box. -Prepare pink and clear orange jelly, with the juice of two lemons added. Fill half of them with the pink,, the other half with clear jelly, and when they are set wipe clean and cut each orange iu four quarters, Heap them in a pretty glass dish for the table. From Cellar Ip Garret, Potatoes will bake more rapidly if a pan of water is put into the oven with them. To break ice in smalj places for the comfort of an invalid use a darning needle, To bake a pie crust without filling, line with paraffin paper filled with un cooked rice. Coarse salt and vicsar will clean enameled ware that has been burned or discolored. In stuffs for hangings the colors that have the soft, slightly faded look of old embroideries or brocades are pre ferred. A nut pick kept on the kitchen table is the most convenient utensil for re moving the paper cover from the milk bottles. Never use newspapers to wrap about anything eatable. It is enomouy to have a supply of paraffin paper always on hand. When washing boarded floors put a handful of salt into every bucket of water, and you will not' be troubled with moths. A convenience for a small room Is a long, shallow, covered box, hinged and castered, which can be rolled under the bed and used to store clothing not iu immediate use. A soft varnish brush with a string or wire through the handle to hang by is a desirable utensil in every pantry to be used for brushing bread, rolls and pastry with melted butter. A tall screen covered to match a sofa or divan, and standing at its head, so as to shelter its occupant from the light or a draught, is a good idea and a help in breaking up long wall spaces. An ingenious woman keeps her bread sponge at an even temperature th year round by putting it in the oven of, a stove without fire and putting a small lighted lamp beside it,. leaving the door partly open. In a fruit pie always mix a table spoonful of flour thoroughly with'tbt sugar both dry. If butter is to b used, spread it on the lower crust be fore putting in the fruit nd It will b evenly distributed through. the pie- WriWHUMOR' THE DAY The New Xload to the Heights. The heights by great men scaled and grabbed . . Pa me not lw oratorv'a flichtJ ' Brif'they, while their companions gabbed. uere keeping mum with all their nilgai. -s r Pittsburg Gazette. . . -rr Always. "Do you know, Grumpey. that half of the world never knows what the other v half is doing?" ' . 4 "Women do." Detroit Free Press. , Her Schooling. Slim-"! wonder how Miss Songster learned to reach such high notes.'' Jim "From talking through her hat, probably." Detroit Free Press. Sharing Each Other's Sonowl. She "I wfts a tool to marry you. He "I suppose so. but I'm not will ing that you should bear all the blame. I asked you to." Town Topics. . - - . A Call Down. Mrs. Henpeck "Everybody says the baby is like me." Ir, Henpeck "Nonsense! It hasn t said a word yet." Chicago Journal. Dlncor.U. Keewhacker "That last piece t played was 4A Song Without Word."' Miss Biff "Sounded to me liKe a song without music,' Philadelphia Bulletin. ' US Disadvantage. "Professor Dryasdust is much op posed td co-education." 'He's prejudiced. He married a girl who was In his class at college Cincinnati Commercial-Tribune. The Reason Why. Jack Oidboy-"It's'; cruel of jm Ca snub me... I'm a good sort, if I'm rough diamond." . ;.';. Miss Stoneleigh -"That's the reasoB you need cutting." illustrated Bils, - " A Poor Reason. Customer -- "Look ; here. These weren't fast colors in this shirt." Cleik-"No; but you ought 1 he sat isfied.", r - Customer "Why so?" Clerk "Because you got a run for your money." Cleveland riaiu Dealer. Wild Western Forgivenesif. Missionary (out Wesl)-"Did JOB ever try to forgive an enemy?" Bad.Mah "Wunst." Missionary "I am glad to hear that. What mbvtti your inner soul to prefer peace to strife.?" Bad Mau-"I didn'o have no gun. Modern Society. 4 Tdcal Place. . ' . Tourist "You understand, I wish to go to a quiet resort," Agent"Thi3 js the very place fop you," Tourist-'No golf, I hope?" Agent"l should say not, Why, even croquet is considered strenuous." 'Chicago News, ;J " " " The professor. The Doctor "You have heard this new theory, I suppose, that eating meat causes appendicitis?" The Professor '.'Yes. Deliclously absurd, isn't it? It is appendicitis that keeps "Tialf you fellows eating meat while" the rest of us are getting along on substitutes." Chicago Tribune. A Faint Reminder. 'What's the matter, Mr. Crabber asked BIrs. Starvem. "The way you sip your soup and stare up at the ceil ing in that far-aay manner it would seem it reminds you of something." "Yes," replied the sarcastic boarder, "it reminds me of soup, faiutly."'- Philadelphla Press. Somewhat Fliwoant.' "But, Laura, I really can't stand It to see that fellow Muchly pay such marked attention to you." "Dear, dear, this co.mes of accepting a far-sighted man. . I should have taken little Widgerly, who can't see fourr inches beyond his nose." Cleve land Plain Dealer. '1. ' ' A Mean plan. . "Squiggles won't, give his clerks a half holiday." "Why not?" "He says he dossn't believe in doing, things by talves, and that they will either have a whole day or none at all. And so far they've had none at all.' Cleveland Plain Dealer. rfiU All in the Family. "Oh, of course, you' know it all," sneered old .Roxley. "When I was your age I thought I knew It all, too; but now I have reached the conclusion that I know nothing." "Rfght'you are, dad," replied Koxley, Jr., "I reached the same conclusion about you a Ipog time ago." Chicage Newsj - - -jiii ".