North Carolina Newspapers

Ci)C Chatrjam Utcoro. I iljt Chatham Rttorb. , RATES OF ADVEHTISIKGr s ' ' ' ' ' ? 11 One square, one iniertloB-.Sl.00 H. A; LONDON, Editor and Proprietor, AM TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION, $1.50 Per Year. Strictly In Advance POne eadre, tiro insertions 1.60 One square, one monto 1 - ow For Larger Advertise ments Liberal Con- VOL. XXYIL PITTSBORQ. CHATHAM COTTNTY, N. C. THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 9. 1905. NO. 26. i tracts will be made. . THE SPLENDID SPUR OR THE ADVENTURES By ARTHUR T; CHAPTER I. Tlie Bowling Green of the "Crown" He that has jilted the Muses forsak ing her gentle pipe to follow the drum ami trumpet, shall fruitlessly besiege her again when the'time comes to sit at homo , and write down his adven tures. 'Tis her revenge, as I am ex tremely sensible; and methiuks she is the harder on me, upon reflection bow near I came to being her life long servant, as you are to hear. Twas on November 29, A. D. 1642 a clear, frosty daythat the King, Avith. the , Prince of Wales, (nawly re covered of the measles), the Princes Kupert and Maurice, and a great com pany of lords and gentlemen, horse and foot, came marching back to us fiv:n Reading. I was a pupil of Trinity College in Oxford at-that time, and may begin my Jiistory at 3 o'clock on the same afternoon, when going (as my custom was) to Mr. Rob Drury for vay fencing lesson, I found his lodgings I'mpty. They stood at the corner of Ship street, as you turn into the Corn Mar keta low wainscoted chamber, ill lighted but commodious. "lie is ' off to see the show," thought f as I looked about me; and finding an easy cushion m the window, sat down to await him. Where presently, being tired out (for I had been carrying a halberd all day with the scholars' troop in Magdalen College Grove), and in despite of the open lattice, I fell sound asleep. t must have been an hour after that 1 awoke with a chill (as was natural), and was stretching out a hand to pull the window close, but suddenly sat down again and fell to watching in siead- v The window looked down, at the "height of ton feet or so, upon a bowl ing green at the back of the "Crown" Tavern (kept by .John Davenant, In the Com Market), and across it to a rambling wing of the same inn; the fourth side that to my left being but u old wall, with a broad sycamore Si-awing against it. 'Twas already twilight, and in the darkening house, over. the green, was now cue casement 'rightly lit, the curtains umlrawu, and Avithin a company of noisy drinkers round a table. They were gaming, as was easily told by their clicking of the dice and frequent oaths; and anon the bellow of some tipsy chorus would come across. 'Twas one of these catches, I dare say, that woke me: only just now my eyes were bent, not toward the singers, but on the still lawn between us. The sycamore, I have hinted, was a broad tree, and must, in summer, have borne a goodly load of leaves; but now, !u November, these were strewn thick 'over the green, and nothing left but stiff, naked boughs. Eeneatii it lay a cracked bowl or two on the rank turf, and against the trunk a garden bench : Jested, I suppose for the convenience i of the players. On this a man was now seated. He was reading a little book; and this first jogged my curiosity; for 'tTits unnatural a man should read print at this dim hour, or, if he had a wind to try, should choose a cold bowling green for - his purpose. Yet he, seemed. to study his-volume very attentively, w ith a sharp Took, now and then, toward tiro lighted window, 'as if the levellers disturbed him. His hack was partly turned to me, and what with this- and the growing dusk, I could but make & guess at his face; but a-plenty of silver hair fell over his fur collar, and his 'shoulders were beat a great deal, I judged him between fifty and sixty. For the rest, he wore a dark, simple suit, very straitly cut, with an ample furred cloak, and a hat rather tall, after the fashion of the last itign. Now, why the man's behavior -so engaged me, I don't know, but at the end of half an hour I was still watciV ing him. By this, 'twas near dark, bitter cold, and his pretense to read mere fondness; jet he persevered though with longer glance's at the case ment above, where tbedin attimes was fit to wake the dead. And now one of the dicers upsets his chair with a curse, and gets on his feet. Looking up, I saw his features for a moment a slight, pretty boy, scarce above eighteen, with fair curls and flushed cheeks like a girl's. It made me admire to see him in this ring or purple, villainous, faces. 'Twas evident he was, a young gentleman of quality, as wjell by his bearing as his handsome cloak of amber satin barred with black.- "I think the dctil's in these dice!'' I . heard him crying, and a pretty hubbub -.all about him; but presently the drawer enters with more Tviue, aad hi sits, down quietly to a fresh game. . As soon as 'twas' started, one of the crew, that had been playing but was now dropped out, lounges up from his seat, ana coming to the casement pushes it open for fresh air. He was 'me that till now had sat in full view a tall bullywith, a gross pimpled nose, and led the catches in a bull's voice. The rest of the players paid no heed to his rising, and very soon his shoul ders hid them, as he leaned out, draw ing" in the cold" breath."" """'" 'During the late racket I had forgot for a while my friend under the syca more, but now, looking "that.' way, to tuy astonishment. I saw him risen from his . hench and stealing across : to the home opposite. I say "stealing," for test all the ry to the darker -ff i.l T T" OF JACK MARVEL. QUILLER C0CCH." - shadow of the wall, and besides had a curious trailing motion with his left foot as though the ankle of it had been wrung or badly hurt. As soon as he Avas come beneath the window he stopped and called softly: "Hist!" . The bully gate a start and looked downV I could tell by Ibis motion he did not look to find any one iu the bowling green at that hour. Indeed, he had been watching the shaft of light thrown past him by the room behind, and now moved so as to let it fall on the man that addressed him,, The other stands close Under the window, as if to avoid this and tails again: "Hist!" says he, and beckons with a finger. The man at. the. window still held his tongue (I suppose because those in the room would hear him If he spoke), and so for a while the two men studied one another in silence, as if considering" their next moves. After a bit, however, the bully lifted a hand, and turning back into the lighted room, walks up to one of the players, speaks a Word or two and disappears. I sat up on the window seat, where till. now I had been crouching for fear the shaft of light should betray me, and presently (as I was expecting) heard the latch of the back porch gently lifted, and spied the heavy form of the bully coming softly over the grass. The bully must have closed the, door behind him but carelessly, for hardly could he take a dozen steps when it opened again with a scuffle, and the large house dog belonging to the "Crown" flew at his heels with a vicious snarl and snap of the teeth. ,,.Tvas enough to scare the coolest. But the fellow turned as if shot, and before he could snap again had gripped him fairly by the throat. The struggle that followed I could barely see, but I heard the horrible sounds of it the, hard, short breathing of the man. the hoarse rage working in the dog's throat and it turned me sick. The dog a mastiff was fighting now to pull loose, and the pair swayed this way and jhat in the dusk, panting and murderous. ' . I was almost shouting aloud feeling as though" 'twere my own throat thus gripped when the end came. The maji had hisIegs planted well apart. I saw his shoulders heave up and bend as lie tightened-the pressure of his fingers; then came a nmuient's dead silence, then a hideous gurgle, and the mastiff dropped back, his hind legs trailing limp. The bully held him so for a full min titeV peering close to make sure he was dead, and then without loosening his hold, ; dragged him across the grass under jmy Avindow. By the sycamore he baited, but only to shift his hands a little; and so, swaying on his hips, sent the carcass with a heave over the Avail. I heard it drop with a thud on the far side. During this fierce wrestle which must have lasted about tAvo minutes the clatter and shouting of the com pany, above had gone on without a break; and allThis while the man with the Avbite hair rested quietly on one side, watching. But now he steps up to where the bully stood mopping his face (for all the coolness of ihe even ing) and, with a finger between the leaves of his book, bows very po litely. "You handled that dog, sir, choicely Avell," says he, in a thin voice that seemed to have a chuckle hidden in it somewhere. The other- ceased mopping to get a good look at him. "But sure," he went on, " 'twas hard on the poor cur, that had never heard of Captain Lucius Higgs " I thought the bully would have had him by the windpipe and pitched him after the mastiff, so fiercely he turned at the sound of this name. But the old gentleman skipped back quite nim bly and held up a finger. "I'm a man of peace.' If another title suits you better ' "Where, by my troth, got you that name?" growled the bully, and had half a mind to come on again, but the other put in briskly: "I'm on a plain errand of business. No need, as you hint, to, mention names; and therefore let . me present myself as Mr. Z. The residue of the alphabet is at your service to pick and choose from." "My name is Luke Settle," said the big man, hoarsely (but whether this was his natural voice or re I could not tell). "Let us say 'Mr. X.' T prefer it." The old gentleman, as be said this, popped his bead on one side, laid the forefinger of his right hand across the book, and "seemed to be considering. '"Why did you throttle that dog a minute ago?" he asked, sharply. "Why, to save my skin,'' answers the felloAv, a bit puzzled. "Would you have done it for fifty pounds?" . "Aye, or half that." "And hOAV if it had been a puppy, Mr. X?" Now, all this from my hiding I heard very clearly, for they stood right under me in the dusk. But as the old gentle man paused to let his . question sink in, "and the bully to catch the drift of it before answering, one of the dicers above struck up io sing a catch; . .. - - "With a hey, trolly-lolly! a leg to the devil, And answer him civil, and off -with your Sin2 Ifey trolly-lolly! Good morrow, Sir Evil, . . finished the tap, And, saving your worship, avc care not a rap!" , .. While this din continued, the stran ger held tp one forefinger again, as if beseeching silence, the other remaining still between the pages of his book. - "Pretty boys!" he said, as the noise died away; "pretty boys! 'Tis easily seen they have a bird to pluck." 'IIe's none of my plucking." - "And If he Avere, why not?" Sure you've picked a feather or two before now in the Low Countries hey?" "I'll tell you what," interrupts the big man, "next time you crack me one of your death s-iiead jokes, Over the vali you go after the dog. What's to prevent it?" "Why, this?" answers the old fellow, cheerfully. "There's money . to be made by doing no such thing. And I don't carry it all about Avith me. So, as 'tis late, we'd best talk business at once." They ihOved away toward the seat under the sycamore, and now their words reached me no longer only the low murmur of their A'oices or (to be correct) of the elder man's; for the other man only spoke now and then, to put a question, as it seemed. Present ly I "heard an oath rapped out and saw the bully start up. "Hush, man!" cried the other and "hark ye, now "; so he sat down again. Their A-ery forms Avere lost Avithin the shadow. I, my self, Avas cold enough by this time and bad a cramp iii one leg but lay still, nevertheless. -And after a while they stood up together, and came pacing across the bowling-green, side by side, the older man trailing his foot pain fully to keep up. You may be sure I strained my ears. "besides the pay," the stranger Avas saying "there's all you can win of this young fool, Anthony, all you'll find oh the pair, which I'll wager " They -passed out of hearing, but turned scon and came back- again. The big man Avas speaking this time. "I'll be shot if I know what game you're playing in this." The elder chuckled softly. "I'll be shot if I mean 3-011 to," said he. And this Avas the last I heard. For now there came a clattering at the door behind me, and Mr. Robert Drury reeled iu, hiccoughing a maudlin bal lad about "Tib and -young Colin, one tine day, beneath the haycock shade-" -t," etc., etc., and cursing to find his fire gone out, and ad in the darkness. Liquor was. ever his master, and to day the King's health had been a fair excuse. He did not spy me, but the roar of his ballad had startled the tAvo men outside, and so. while he Avas stumbling OA-er chairs and groping for a tinder box, I slipped out in the dark ness, and downstairs into the street. CHAPTER II. : The Young Man in the Cloak of Amber Satin. Guess, any of you, if these e-euts disturbed my rest that night. 'Twas 4 o'clock before I dropped asleep in my bed in Trinity, and my last thoughts Avere still busy in the words I had heard. Nor, on the morroAV, did It fare any better with me; so that, at rhetoric lecture, our president Dr. Ralph Kettle took me by the ears be fore the whole class. He was the fiercer upon me as being older than the gross of my fellow-scholars, and (as he thought) the more restless un der discipline. "A tutor'd ado.'es cenee," he would say, "is a fair grace before meat," and had his hour-glass enlarged to point the moral for us. But even a rhetoric lecture must have an end, and so, tossing my gown to the porter, I set off at last for Magdalen Bridge, wiiere the new barricado. was building.' along the Physic Garden, in front of East Gate. The day vras dull and lowering, though my Avits were too busy to heed the sky; but scarcely Avas I past the small tvntp in the citv Aval! Avheu a brisk shower of hail and sleet drove me to shelter in the Pig Market (or Proscholium) before the Divinity School. 'Tis an ample vaulted passage, as I dare say you knoAv, and here I found a great company of people al ready driven by the same cause, among them, a fellow impudently puffing his specific against the morbus campestris, which' already bad begun to invade us. I was standing before the jackanapes when I heard a stir in the crowd be hind me and another calling: "Who'll buy ? Who'll buy?" x Turning, I saw a young mau, very gayly dressed, moving quickly about at the far end of the Pig Market, and behind him an old lackey, bent double with the weight of two baskets that he carried. The baskets were piled Avith books, clothes and gewgaws of all kinds, and 'twas the young gentle man that hawked his Avares himself. "What d'ye lack?" he kept shouting, and Avould stop to unfold his merchan dise, .holding up now a book, now a silk doublet, and running over their merits like any huckster but with the merriest conceit in the world. - And yet 'twas not this that sent my heart flying into my mouth at the sight of him. For by his curls and woman ish face, no less than the amber cloak with the black bars, I knew him at once for the same I had seen yesterday among the dicers." As I stood there, drawn this way and that by many reflections, he worked his way through the press, selling here and there a trifle from his baskets, and at length came to a, halt in front of me. (To be continued.) Just Saved From Starvation. When, in ISOVMiss Balfour was vis iting the Wrest of Ireland and studying the condition of the people, she asked one of them bow they Avere getting on iu a particular A-illage. "Arrah, miss, sure and if it wasu't for the fain'ine we'd bo sbtaiTlfljj;," JoUn. Bull, Turban of Spanish Lace. An evening turban of old Spanisli lace is all in white, .save' for the tips of the tails of two erihin.es-. These two little animals are actually tied in a knot on the crdWfi of the turban, : is beautiful rather than bizarre; Early Morning- Call. ; , A Fort Fairfield lady living in the country says that a short time ago she was awakened at about 3 o'clock in the morning by a furious ring of the tele phone in her house Feeling from the wildness of the ring that somebody's house must be on fire or that somebody was bleeding to death, she scampered down stairs and nervously seized the. receiver, only to hea? a shrill soprano A'oiee shriek: "Got your Avashin' done yet? Had mine out half an hour ago." LeAviston Journal. A Suit Tot the Links. A brown and white check in a loosely woven tweed has been successfully converted into & stunning golfing cos tume by a famous tailor; The skirt is plain and graceful in its ankle length lines, and a russet brown cloth makes the chic banded coat, which is dellc iously negligee, blousing just a trifle all round .OAer a brown leather belt. The fronts are turned back and faced with the plaid, which material also fashions the smart little waistcoat that buttons over a shirt of white linen. The neck is arranged with the now de creed turnover linen collar and small bow tie. Sal For the Dniupy Woman. The trimming of the new skirt covers the entire area of the skirt, reserving a slight bit of unclaimed surface at the top. When the tnaterial is adaptable a pretty conceit is represented by a skirt tftmmed with three frills to Avit, ft broad one at the bottom, a narrower one half Avay up, and the third and last hardly a quarter of a yard from the Avaist IiiiOi Lots of sartorial solecisms will be spared us if the fat, dumpy woman will relinquish all claims to this particular effect, leaving these frills to her tall, slight sister, and adopt the equally smart directoire skirt, which, with its clinging, long lines, Avill accen tuate J r height at least several inches. Mlth Slinc Sleeves. A striking feature of a white cloth CA ening pelisse is the sling sleeve. This peculiar sleeve is very full and shirred up onto a shallow yoke It is edged along the open part (the sling) Avith sable. From the front this opening is quite like some very old-fashioned gar ment!?. From the back the sleeves look like huge sagging puffs. In addition to being edged around the neck and down the fronts with the fur it is adorned with two puffs of the cloth. The lowest -one is four inches above the edge. One goes around in a line Avith the bust. The sleeve, to return to the very novel feature, does not fall far beloAV the elbow, which gives op portunity to sIjoav the dress sleeve. Iay or I.eat. The day of rest is a terrible snare and delusion for the Avife and mother, and she is glad when Monday comes and she has seven. Avorkday3 of relaxation before her. - Verily for the busy housekeeper there is no rest, for housework, be it done ever so well to-day, bobs up serenely on the morrow, to be done all over again, and children's appetites are of a fierce and terrible monotony, never sa tiated, and clothes wear out and tlust gathers, and many a poor woman says Avith the prophet: "Vanity, A-anity, all is vanity." If no one else deserves it the faithful house-mothers of this and past genera tions deserve an especially choice slice of the good things of the next world, for their reward in this is small and of little renown. Philadelphia Telegraph. Employment of Women. Our Government has never been very generous in the employment of women for clerkships, as the records of the various bureaus show. But Consul Monaghau, of Chemnitz, says that Avomen have become an in dispensable factor in the German pos tal telegraph and telephone service, in spite of the conservatism which pre vented the utilization of feminine ac tivities iu public Avork in Germany un til nearly half a" century later than in France and England. . Some 4000 women in Germany are now engaged in the Government tele phone service. The pay is not high and the. conditions are rigid, but the hours are light and the salary ($357 a year) offers a comfortable living. But the most satisfying feature of fe male employment iu'. Germany is the Government insurance policy against old age, and it is not to be forgotten actire labor after the prescribed num ber of years of faithful- Avork are awarded a Government pension on the same plane with men. Boston Globe. - Coral and Its Imitations. "If you wish to buy coral beads," re marked the jewel enthusiast, "you must go to a reliable dealer. ' Why, even celluloid may, bo so shaped and tinted that the average person Avould not know the difference. There's one way to tell, however, if the chain is cheap. In fhis case the very perfection of the beads Avill convince the would-be purchaser of their spuriousness. A string of small beads at, say fS or !?I0, Avill be full of little imperfections, if they be real. The larger the bead of real coral the more expensive. The old carved coral jewelry of long ago went out because it was imitated in celluloid till you couldn't tell the difference be tween1 pieces that east $3 aad $50, Just because the pretty beads in delicate pink are so expensive most persons fancy the branch coral chains, five' feet in length, that sell at $1 and less, and are not real. But they are?, and they are cheap because they are made of the tip ends of the coral bi-anches, which are too small to be carA'ed into any thing at ail. All along the Italian coast these chains are sold tor a, life and a half (thirty cents), Sorento being the favored purchasing place." Philadel phia Record. Plaid Shirt Waist Dresses. The smartest shirt waist dresses for this season are plaid, the real Scotch designs, or color schemes in the browns and greens, or dull two-tone plaids. In the most expensive goods it is not at all difficult to find the actual tartan design.the Stewart; the" MacDonald.the Bruce, the Wallace and so on through all the best known clans. And if you are Scotch descent it is the very swag ger thing to have a shirt waist suit in the plaid of your own clan. The materials are a heavy Scotch Avool mixture, silk mohair, wash flan nel, light Scotch flannel, taffeta silk and AA-ool voile and straight cotton stuffs. If you want to be most fash ionable you Avill have a wash flannel suit in some tartan color, a design that has been fought under, sung to. and that has been an inspiration to the bagpipes on many a "battlefield. ' The wool or silk shirt Avaist suits all have a pleated skirt, wide box pleats or narrow knife pleats, or cut circular or accordion pleated. And the blouses are pleated to match, full over the chest for perfect comfort, loose in the arm hole, moderately full sleeves, with the Comfortable elbow spring. They are very tailor made, ali the pleats stitched and double stitched and flatly pressed, and the silk suits sometimes trimmed with bands, collar and cuffs of suede leather. An excellent plan for washing these linings to prevent fading or the hag gard look of well rubbed fabric is to wash in hot suds of castiie soap and borax powder. It saves boiling, the use of a board and any possibility of shrinking. Have a tub half full of water that has boiled add four table spoonfuls of borax and half a cake of shaved soap. When this is prepared it is a good plan before putting in your linings to first rinse out any laces or ribbons or veils that you want to cleaii quickly without injury. Your linings will come clean in a few minutes light hand rubbing, and should be rinsed in clear warm and then in clear cold water. This is also a good method for doing up the plaid suits of wash flannel, which should never hate permanent linings if there is any intention of sub mitting them to laundry worries. You simply can't wash two different sorts of materials out in different ways so that they will agree afterwards, and it is simpler to plan them separate froni the start. It also makes ironing" easier. The effort to iron a loose b!ouse;witk a fitted lining on the wrong side might easily, if women Avere not so patient, imperil household peace for a week. Fancy if mere man had to accomplish such feats in his daily office routine. The world would ring with the achieve ment. ,r - Velvet hats are worn with velvet cos tumes. Sleeves are moderate in size, ending at the elbow. . Tiny A-elvet checks are chosen. The quality is usually chiffon. ' Barbaric necklaces complete the fin ish of some stockless bodices. - That old favorite, the palm pattern, is worked out in a velvet-piped silk puff on the fronts of a novel waist. Fur ties complete the collarless coat on a cold day. Ermine is first for dress AA'ear and chinchilla is next. Broadtail is smart. A velvet wrap the darker the better may be immensely brighteUed and enriched by placing over the shoulders to the length of a deep yoke strips of bronzy gold galon. Feather boas, or rather stoles, are w$rh by very many fashionables. At a little distance white mar bout is often taken for fox, while brown marabout looks almost as much like some of the rich brown furs. - a Some of the most magnificent velvet dresses show corded shoulder shirtings in epaulette effect. These shirrings ex tend out over and take in the sleeve tops. The cut of many a creation is so involved as to be a mystery. Shoulder trimmings are for the most part in the form of extensions of other trimming. A cut-and-dried collar, such, as one of deep lace, is practically un heard of. And capes are so cut up and. disguised, as to be hardly recognisable When He was satisfied. .- A Story of the Karty Weifefrf Stag '- . Coach Dst' - Otto Mears is known in Colorado as the "Pathfinder of the San Juan" be cause of the plage and toll roads he built fhrmigh the mountains. One of his stage lines' Vrds ever Marshall Pass. He was constantly censuring his drivers for being slow. The result was that every , man was anxious to get him alone-iu a stage and demon strate that they could go fast enough, to please" hifnV - One morning he" waited at the sum mit of Marshall Pass for the stage driven by " Henry .Burns,, a reckless driver, to leave for the foot. He was dressed, in a black suit that . was molded to him, and on his head was a new silk hat, and his linen was spot lessly white; He was the only pas senger. "I'll give him the ride of hs.Ufey, remarked Bums to the station men. - FQur of the best horses on the line were hooked np, Mears stepped into the stage with , a fresh , cigar in his mouth, and Burns clambered on the box; He cracked lit whip with a volley of curses, and the leaders nearly jumped out of the harness.- He "Sent the four down the serpentine road inr record time, the stage banging against the side of the mountain, grazing the edges of precipices, whirling around sharp curves on two wheels, and bounding over rocks with jars that raised the heavy vehicle three feet and lunged it forward with a bump that started every bolt and nail. The horses were white with lather, but still Burns urged them on. At the foot pass Burns pulled up his foaming and Avell-nigh spent horses, and Mears climbed out. His siik hat was a battered wreck," his clothes were torn in a dozen of places, and his hands and face were scratched and bleeding, for he had been tossed about in the stage like a pea in a can; but his cigar Avas still gripped in his teeth. He said nothing, however, until the stage was driven up to continue on its way, when he remarked to Burns: "Heuery, I tink I rill ride on te out side mit you. I vas so lonesome inside I couldn't keep avake." Sunday Magazine. WORDS OF WISDOM. The man who applauds the brave always thinks he is running over Avith courage. A man is not likely to get honey from the rock when he is pounding it with his head. We should be as careful of our words as of our actions, and as far from speaking ill as -from doing ill. Cicero. . God has the best place for the best man, although men cannot always see this until the work is finished. H. J. Steward. Many a nian who prays for power to lift a world shuts his eyes when he sees a poor woman struggling with a heavy satchel. The craving for sympathy is natural enough, and it ought never to . be treated harshly, nor thought of as a fault, but it easily becomes ignoble and very morbid, because very selfish. Charles G. Ames. I believe that there is no away, that no love, no life, goes ever from us; it goes as He went, that it may come again, deeper and closer and surer, to be Avith us always even to the end of the world. George Macdonald. A Nw "Tramp Eliminator.' . The following communication is self explanatory: "Max Pracht has completed the de tails and will apply for patent ro. 4-11-44 on an invention which he, ;calls 'Pachfs Patent Steam Tramp Elim inator.' Manager Calvin thinks it is great, and he may offer a milliou or more for the-control of the' patent. With this invention in use, it will not be necessary for the engineer to dump his clinkers and live coals' on the tracks at Oregon City, and then slowly pull the train over it, causing the tramps to lose: their hold on. the hog chains and drop off on the broiler, creating a bad smell. In short, Pacht's invention consists of a series of rotary diaphragms, similar to some in use on hose nozzles for watering lawns. These are attached to a pipe running along the underside of the coaches, baggage, and express cars, coupled to gether at the ends, similar to the air brake pipes, and connected with the boiler of the engine, so arranged that any one of the train crew can by op erating a simple device in the coaches, etc., turn on the steam, thus causing the sputter machanism under the train to revolve and scald off the clinging tramp, without causing an offensive smell; and also give the tramps the ever-needed bath. Portland Oregon ian. . .. . Honors Were Even. It was at the? Republican State Con vention in Trenton, N. J., that several of the delegates became interested iu a discussion on the ethics of bill-col lecting in the professions of. law and medicine. . - . "Let's see," said a. prominent lawyer to a well known physician, "are you not the medicine man who is so par ticular about his fee that he always in quires whether or not a patient carries life insurance rbefore' accepting, tho case?" J ' "Yes, I'm the man," replied the dis ciple of. Hippocrates T7ith a genial smile, "and unless I'm, mistaken you are the lawyer that told a young fel low, who asked you if lis might sue for the baud of your daughter, that lie could if he'd permit you to draw up the papers in tbe.casi and ive you. a retainer of twenty-five dollars." - The others, in the croATd agreed that honors wer? mn.Snnaay, .MagwUne, WTITW HUMOR if T H E D AY Conserving I he Type. 'Ah, yes, we blonde are getting scarce," . The flower of the beantjr flock sighed; And further' scarceness to prevent. She went and blew in her last cent For one more bottle of peroxide. Doing and Telling to Order, f, "Heupeck tells ids wife everylhiu? that he does." ' " " " "Yes, and he does everything that she tells him." Illustrated Bits. tvro Queatloua. - She "Are you-sure you love mc for myself alone?" He "Did, you think I loved you for j-otir mother?" So mervllle Journal. Gathers None. - Tortoise-'Therc is no moss on my back!" The. Hare "That's because you're a species of rolling stone." Detroit Frco PrflKS." " - - Where He Got Them. "Ilia nose-is like his 'father's, but Where did he get those black eyes?" "He called me a name yesterday ifctl I gave them to him." Cleveland Plain Dealer. - - TJitfn't I7e One. "The trustee of the company has flown with the cash." , "Did he use a fiyiug machine?" ' "I said he had flown, didn't I?" Fort Worth Record. The Knd. - Upson "Is love a disease?" , Downs "The worst in the world. Pickleson nearly died with it." Upson "What cured him?'' . Dotvns "Marriage." w Detroit Free Press. , - . ; , ' r lylas Icai. Ida "Where did you first racet Ilar- old?" -. ; May "Down at the beach. He pro posed to . me while we were on the springing board." Ida "Audyou accepted hiai on the Jump, ebrS-Chicago News. -.Just'Thetr Size. , Ensign (of the Baltic fleet) "Your Excellency, I am informed that there , are dangerous rumors afloat." Admiral (excitedly) "Where are they? I'll tackle 'em. no matter how dangerous they are. I'll blow 'em out of the water, I will!" . . Careless Man. Mr. Nooritch "Our friend Jiggins has made a lot of money offen a shoe string start, but he still talks like a roustabout." Mr. Sturckile "Yes, I notice so. Now that he's made his pile, why don't ho hire a footer and learn, to talk proper, like I done?" '- ) Too Much WoTk to Io. Village Postmaster "We ought to have another clerk here." Inspector "More than she can do, eh?" Village Postmaster "Yes ; why, some times she don't get through reading ail the post cards before 10 o'clock at night" Tit-Bits. , A Definition. "Teacher," asked .little Johnny, "wliat's a Amazon?" ' "A woman who fights," replied the teacher kindly. - - 5 , "Gee! I guess maw must be a Ama zon, then," softly murmured Johnny, with vivid recollections of certain com bats under the parental roof. " Exciting Game. "Tag!" exclaimed tbc big policeman on Washington Boulevard. "Is this a game of tag?" asked tho chauffeur hi the unpumbered racing machine. - t : "Yes, and yqu are lV "' And then tbe policeman walked the chauffeur off to the station. Chicago News. - -' " Very Wfaliite. "I see you have a photograph of my wife-Mrs. Pyle Ojistyle-in your show case. It's very, like her," said the elderly-caller. ' . 1 ? "Yes" replied the photographer, 'somewhat bitteriy, "and she hasn't paid me for t yet." "Ah! that's still more like her." Phil adelphia Press. l'he Question of the Hour. "Johu," said his wife, in a firm tone. "What is it, dear?" responded the husband. v You've been supporting Mr. Sniff kins for Congress for the past two months, haven't you?" "Yes, my love." "And be was elected, wasu't be?" "He was, my dear." "Well," said the -wife, Avith a steely glitter in her eye, "don't you think you can whirl in now and help support thh family V'-Houston Chronicle. ..... . -