BE SURE YOU AEE EIGHT ; THEN" GO AHBAD.-D. Crockett. TARBORO', N, C FRIDAY, APRIL 21, 1876. NO. 19. VOL. 54. GENERAL DIRECTORY. TARBOKO'. Matok Fred. Philips. Commissioners lossc A. Williamson, Ja cob Feldenheimer, Daniel W. Hunt, Alex. MeCabe, Joseph Cobb. SEOiiETiKT & Tkeasuuek Robt. White burst. Chief op Police John W. Cotton. Assistant Police John Madra, Jas. E. Simonson, Altimore Macuair. CUt'.tiTY. Superior Court Clerk and Probate Judije II. L. Staton, Jr. lleyister of Deeds Alex, MeCabe. Sheri ff Joseph Cobb. Coronet Treasurer Robt. II. Austin. ; Surveyor John E. Baker. Standard Keeper J. B. Hyatt. School Examiners. H. II. Shaw, Wm. A. Duggan and R. S. Williams. Keeper Poor House Win. A. Duggan. Commissioners Ino. Lancaster, Chairman, VVilev Well, J. B. W. Norville, Frank Dew, M. Exem. A. MeCabe, Clerk. MAILS. ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE OF MAILS NORTH AND SOUTH VIA W. & W. R. K. Iieave Tarboro' (daily) at - - 1" A- Arrive at Tarboro' (daily) at - - 3 30 I . M. WASHINGTON MAIL VIA GREENVILLE. FALKLAND AND tiPAUTA. wave Tarboro' (daily) at - 6 A. M. Arrive al Tarbaro' (daily) at - - CP. M. LODUES. die Hjtt ntad tbe Places of Meeting:. Concord R. A. Chapter No. 5, N. M. Law rence, Hitch Priest, Masonic Hall, monthly convocations first Thursday in every month at 10 o'clock A. M. Concord Lodge N. 58, Thomas Gatlin, Master, Masonic Hall, meets first Friday night it 7 o'clock P. M. and third Saturday at 10 o'clock A. M. in every month. Repiton Encampment No. 13, I. O. O. F., I. B. Palainountain, Chief Patriarch, Odd Fel lows' Hall, meets every first and third Thurs day of each month. Edgecombe Lodge No. 50, I. O. O. F., T. W. Teler, N. G., Odd Fellows' Hall, meets every Tuesday night. Edgecombe Council No. 122, Friends of Cemperanee, meet every Friday night at the Odd Fellows' Hall. Advance Lodge No. 2S, I. O. G. T., meets every Wednesday night at there Hall. Zanoah Lodge, No. 235, I. O. B. B., meet on first and third Monday night of every month at Odd Fellows' Hall, A. Whitlock, President. churches; Episcopal Church Services every Sunday at 10 1-2 o'clock A. M. and 5 P. M. Dr. J. B. Cheshire, Rector. Methodist Church Services every Fourth Sunday ot every month, morning and night. 1st Sunday at night and 5th Sunday at night. Rev. Mr. Swindell, Pastor. Preshtterian Church Services every lit, 3rd and 5th Sabbaths. Rev. T. J. Allison, Pastor Weekly Prayer meeting, Thurs day night Missionary Baptist Church Service? the 4th Sunday in every moith, morning and night. Rev. T. R. Owen, Pastor. Primitive Baptist Church Services first Saturday and Sunday of each month at 11 o'clock. HOTEL)!, Adams' Hotel, corner Main and Pitt Sis. O. F. Adams, Proprietor. EXPKESS. Southern Express Office, on Main Street, closes every morning att)- o'clock. N. M. Lawrence, Agent. PROFESSIONAL CAKDS, J1RANK POWELL, Attorney and Counselor at Law, TARBORO', X. C. 3- Collections a. Specially, "aft Office next door to the Southerner office. July 2, 1875, tf JOS. BLOUNT CHESHIRE, JR., ATTORNEY AT LAW, AND NOTARY PUBLIC. St7 Office at the Old Bank Building on Trade Street. je25-tf. II OWARD & TERRY, Attorneys and Counselors at Law. TARBORO', N. C. H7 Practice in all the Courts, State and Federal. nov.o-ly. U. JOHNSTON, Attorney and Counselor at Law, TARBORO', N. C. EfT Attends to the transaction of busi ness in all the Courts, btate and ederal. Nov. 5, 1875. ly F REDERICK PHILIPS, Attorney and Counselor at Law, TARBORO', N. C. Practices in Courts of adjoining coun ties, in the Federal ana supreme courts. Nov. 5, 1875. ly ALTER P. WILLIAMSON, ATTORNEY AT LAW , TARBORO', N. C. IVill practice in the Courts of the 2nd Judicial District. Collections made id any part of the ttaie. XOg" Office in Iron Frout Building, Pit Street, rear of A. Whitlock & Co s. Jan. 7, 187G. tf JACOB BATTLE, Counsellor and Attorney at Law, ROCKY MOUNT, N. C. WW Practices in all tLc State Courts. March 24, 1870. ly J H. & W. L. THORP, Attorneys and Counselors at Law, ROCKY MOUNT, N. C. PRACTICES in the counties of Edge combe, Halifax, Nash and Wilson, and in the Supreme Court North Carolina, also In tha United States District Court at Raleigh. DR. E. D. BARNES, Surg eon Dentist, ITIain Street, TARBORO', N. C. tjb All work warranted to give entire satisfaction. feb.!8-tf. Dr. G. L. Shackelford, 33 E3 INT TIST, TARBORO', N. C. OJice apposite Adams' Hotel, over S. S. Nash Co s More. Owinr to the stringency of the times, I Vave reduced my charges lor all operation to a standard that will not fail to suit every one. Care of children's teeth and Plate icork a specialty. Satisfaction guaran ed iu ali cases. Murch 17, 1870 ly. MISCELLANEOUS. CENTS ikould writ for Circulars for nw book by The grand surcsi of the vesr. 30th thousand In prew.Full Eipo,e of Mormonism Polygamy. 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Each department of our business is con ducted in a scperate bureau, under charge of tLe same experienced -parties employed by the old !irm. Prompt attention to all busi ness entrusted to Gilmore & Co., is ihua se cured. We desire to win success by deserv ing it. Address. GILMORE & CO., (J2D F. Street, Washington, D. O. 4a Ci1)!! Per Dav at home. Ternia free 1I IU V"V A Address i. SiiNsoK.i Co., Portland Maine. i71iT AOOfii I n. it. muzr. trs r 7r & V ikntharo' Bmxihczmx. radajT 7" 7 "TAprii, 21, 1876 PEGSY'S ADVICE. 'You're expecting Sara Stilts here tCrnight, I reckon. You need not cojr up Alice, i've Been the vtay he's been coming and going for the past six weeks ; that means something, when it gets to be steady company.' " ' Peggy Watts paused and gave the maiden a searching look, but Alice could not bear the scrutiny. She turned away to the wiadow, as if to view the pretty New England land scape in the deep'ning twilight. 'is Mr. Stilts coming to-night or not Miss ?' 'Indeed, Peggy, I can't say ; per haps he may call.' 'Perhaps, yes ; and you are thinking some day to be Mrs Stilts yourself.' 'Why, Peggy, you're ridiculous.' 'Ridiculous, am I. Well, may be, Miss. In the first place, I know Sam Stilts has asked you to be his wife, and though you haven't given him a decided answer, you're on the point of taking a step which you'll regret till your dying hour. You are tired of the little brown house and its homely furniture. You are disgusted with the toil which soils and hardens your hands; you'd like a piano like the Squire Smith's to thrum on, instead of sweeping, dusting, and washing of dishes, and you think you'll get that, and fine clothes into the bar gain, by marrying Sam Stilts, but it's ail humbuggery.' Alice had turned from the win dow and was standing by Peggy's side, looking dawn into her dark, wrinkled face. Peggy's cold eyes sought the face of thj pretty Alice, blushing and paling ly turns, and phe drew her to a footstool beside her, and brushed away the soft curls from her forehead. ll don't mean to be hard on you, Alice. I know you're got that within you that unfits you for the life you are now leading, but in Sam Stilts' company you are on the wrong road for happiness. I've got two pretty good rcassns to gi"e why you shouldn't marry that man, a sto y to tell, and then I've dene advising. Will you hear me?' 'Yes, Peggy,' answered Alice, burying her face in the lap of the faithful servinji woman. 'J'm going to tell yeu about your mother. We vere girls together, and I knew quite as much about her affairs as she did herself, and I remember as plain as if it was but yesterday, every little circumstance connected with her marriage. 'People call you good-looking, Alice, but you're nothing to what she was, with her hazel eyes and chesnut hair. It was my pride to twine the heavy ringlets over my finger and then let them fall care lessly over her neck and shoulders. There are no such complexions now-a-days, so 1 can't tell you how fair and beautiful she was. Her father was poor, like the rest of us, and his wife was an invalid, so the cares of the house came upon Letty your, mother. 'As soon as the house was put to rights she would bring out her spin ning wheel, and buzz, buzz, it went from morning till night, many a day, to earn the price of a pew dress or bonnet. Some way, she always contrived to look a trifle smarter than the rest of us girls and for the young men of the town, why Letty might have taken her pick. Aunt Laury Burtch used to say they acted like a parcel of fools areund Letty, but, you see she had a batch of grown-up daughters, waiting for an offer, so she was ex cusable for being a little jealous. One day it was when Letty was about eighteen she had a big day's work on hand and sent for me to help her.' 'But few could afford in those days to keep steady help, as it was necessary for me to do something, I used to go out by the day. 'What is th matter Letty,' says 7, the first thing when I set my eyes on her, for she looked strange like to me that morning.' 'Won't you ever mention it if I'll tell you,' she asked ? 'No,' says I, and my word was as good as a Bible oath with her. " 'You know Squire Moore's nephew i?obert, that was here nigh on six weeks last spring,' she said. " 'Yes, 1 replied. " 'Well he wants to marry me. Here's the letter; ysu may read it and then I wart your advice. 'She drew a crumpled sheet of paper from her pocket. It proved to be a very long, loving letter. 'He was then twenty-one, the possessor of a handsome fortune, and after telling his love in what I called Mfalutin language he offered her his heart and hand 'You'll take him, of course,' says I, handing back the letter and br ging to my mind the finely dressed, smooth-faced, meek-looking Robert Morse. Yes, Letty, you'll cut a figure in the rich silks aud satin3 the Squire's nephew will buy for you. You'll be the hand somest woman in the county. I'll warrant i' 'I don't think Letty thought as much of her good fortune a3 . She looked half phased, half frightened, as she sat dow.i to ans wer the lettei . 'Suddenly a thought struck me, I interrupted her to ask if she had not told her parents.' '"I gave them a hint of the con tents of the letter, and of course they think it's a great thing,' she replied. 'Robert will get their con sent without half asking ; but poor Will Worthy might have hung a round till doamsday and then got a surly refusal poor Will!' 'With a sigh she went on with her letter signed, sealed, directed and gave it into my hands to post on my way home that night. 'In due time Mr. Robert Morse made his appearance, and owing to his impatience, tho wedding day was set full two months earlier than Letty wished. This was the first and last time that I saw him in a hurry about anything. 'ie gave Letty scarcbly time to finish the web ef linen she had com menced: insisting that it wasn't nec essary.' 'My mother was to take Letty's place, care for the house, and wait upon her invalid mother, while I was to go as house-keeper to Letty in her new home.' 'Robert stayed with his uucle, the Squire, for a month before the wedding and, of course, we saw him every day. 'One evening he left us standing on the porch watching him ia the moonlight as he went down the lane. 'When he was out of sight and hearing, Letty said : "'You've been a good friend to me Peggy, and I feel that I can trust you as I have never anyone else.' 'My heart began to beat very loud and fast, when I saw her take a small package from her bosom. Not noticing my surprise, she went on : " 'I want you to take this pircel to Will Worthy take it to him to night; for I've no longer a right to' the contents. Will you go ? 'I assented, threw a light shawl over my head, and ran across the orchard that separated the houses. 'Did she love Will Werthy in stead of the man she was engaged to? 'I thought of the sigh that always followed his name from her lips, and inadvertentlv I, too, exclaimeed 'poor Will !' " 'Is it me you are calling ?' said he, stepping from the shadow of a lilac. 'I handed him the parcel, without uttering a word. I saw his hahds shake as he opened it there in the moonlight. Some dried rose-buds and a tiny circlo of gold I had once seen on Letty's finger, fell into the deep grass and disappeared. 'So she prefers diamonds to hearts. Well so be it. God forgive her !' and with that he tore the papers in tiny bits, and walked away. 'When I got back to the house Letty was sitting en the porch, he: face buried in her white apron. " 'Letty Lawson,' said I, seizing her by the arm, 'what ails you ?' " 'Poor Will ! how couli I throw you off?' and sobbed like a child. '"This is pretty t-do,' said I, comprehending the truth at last. 'There's not enough of diamonds in the mine3 of Golconda ta make me break my word as I believe you have broken yours.' " 'I never promised to marry "Will, she sobbed ; 'but I knew he loved me and meant sometime to make me his wife ; and 1 encour aged him, till till Robert came and dazzled my very brain with his offer. I hope poor Will does not take it to heart !' " 'He is doubtless, very grateful to escape so easily from a fickle minded girl, whose only reccom mend is a pretty face,' I replied, for I was too angry to be just to the poor thing. So we went in doors and to bed, though 1 11 venture to say she did not sleep a wink that night. It was a pale bride that Mr Robert Morse teok away in his chaise next day. I followed behind in a wagon containing the luggage. 'Will Worthy was raking hay in a field by the roadside, but he nev er looked up or recognized us as we passed. 'It was a handsome house that your mother became mistress of, and she was surrounded with every thing to make her happy. Her husband proved a quiet, easy body, without any end or aim in life save to contribute to his own and his wife's comfort. 'Letty had been accustomed to employment and it seemed as if there would be no end to these days of idleness. llf she attempted to sew, Robert would take her work away. If she read he complained of being dull, and asked her to entertain him. If she wrote he felt himself neglected, and would, perhaps, leave the house in a huff, thus keeping her in anx iety qufte annoying to be borne. 'But your mother was generally sweet-tempered, and bore her hus band's shiftless management of af fairs with a patience I could but wonder at. 'The rich acres of lan7 which he was the owner were neglected and allowed to run to waste, because he lacked the energy to see to their cultivation ; hence, a farm which should have been a source of wealth grew to be an incumbrance to its possessor bills were allowed to ac cumulate year after year at the dry goods and grocery store.!. Horses wer. bought, sold and traded. In five years after your mother's mar riage wiih Robert Morse sh2 return ed to her humble abode, poor in worldly goods and crushed in spirit. Your father had died insolvent and left a young widow and infant with out any provision for the future. 'He was not much missed save by sharpers and horse jockeys, for I never knew him do a deed of any kir;d, good bad, or indifferent, that he could shirk on to any one else. " 'The Lord deliver me from the good-for-nothing aud thriftless,' has been my prayer since the d iy the graze closed over your father. 'Your mother died soon after of a brokea heart, bequeathing you to my care. " 'Tell my Alice if she lives to be a woman, my own sad experience, and see to it that she does not throw away a loving heart for wealth were your poor mother's ding words. 'This ends all I have to say of your parents ; now, if you would like to hear it. I'll give you my opinion of Mr. Stilts?' 'Go on,' said Alice shaking the tear drops from her lashes, and ga zing at the dying embers. 'In the first place, he's married already.' -Alice gave a scream and sprang to her feet. 'Don't tell me that,' she cried. 'it is true as the Bible my dear. He has been lounging about here at the hotel all summer, with the exception of a few weeks time that was spent in Illinois in getting a sham divorce ; his wife is from a respectable family in Connecticut, who, I am told, only wait a fitting ! opportunity to bring his rascality bciiV the public. 'I have proofs to satisfy you if you have any doubts of the truth of my statememt. 'Now i've got a question to ask you : answer it o l your honor, and then i have done. 'if that tall young man the owner of a pair of roguish black eyes and hands that are not afraid to hold the plow, was possessed of the wealth that young Stilts boast3 cf, which would bo your choice ?' 'Edward, of course; if I must tell,' said Alice, again burying her head in Teggy's lap. A third party, and no less a per sonage than Edward himself, had entered, unobserved in the twilight and became an accidental listener. While Peggy was blustering a round to get tue candle lighted, and see who the intruder was, the in- truder himself had taken forcible possession of the pretty .Alice; and so closely did he fold her in his arms, that nought but her golden curls were visible when Peggy re turned. 'Oh ! it's you, is it, Edward Wor thy? What brought you over so early?' wa.3 Peggy's question. 'I thought I would drop in be fore Stilts to-night Peggy, if pos sible. Beg pardon ollice, I shan't let you go till you say yes or no with the proviso of 'as rich as Stilts !' .'Oh ! you like mo to hold you ! Well, I'll sit down and take it easy.' Somehow Alice escaped into an other room and Edward said, turn ing a serious face to Peggy : 'Uncle Will has given me a deed of the farm provided I'll furnish a housekeeper ; I started from home with a doubting heart, but was for tunately within hearing when you put the test question to Alice. As uncle Will's farm is to-day worth twice the fortune Mr. Siilts can show, may I not hope ?' And Peggy replied, 'Eavesdrop pers never ought to hear any good of themselves. If you have not heard enough in that way to satisfy you, go to Alice, I have had my sav to her. and vou must settle it between you.' It was past twelve when the click of the gate announced the depart ure of the young man from Peggy's brown cottage. The next evening Mr. Stilts cal led and in place of seeing Alice, was received by Mistress Peggy herself, who treated him to a ser mon on the wickedness of man. She concluded the discourse by advising him to go back to Connecticut and Jive with the wpman who still had a claim on him for support instead of trying to secure anew victim by passing himself off as a single man. Mr Stilts retired from the field crest-fallen; whether he followed Peggy's advice and went hack to his wife who was vastly hi3 superior, is not known. In due course of time Alice be came the wife of Edward Worthy, Peggy's present to the bride was a piano, purchased with the savipgs J of many years. Devoting her leisure hours to practice, with the help of Squire Smith's daughters, she soon became quite a proficient in music. Evenings there was a trio of list eners, viz : Pegiry Watts, Uncle Trill, and Edward, who was never so happy a3 when listening to the clear voice cf Alice, flowing out in the good old songs us well as the popular melodies of the day. From tha Raleijh Xeics. Trinit"yTollege, Av&if 76j Mr. Ennis : Dear Sir: At last I send my my answer about Easter. I have prepared it for the press. I want it published with my name to it. It required much research and cal culation to prove my position. I am right and I know it. The Prayer Book is wrong. Your Al manac is the only correct one in the country. Yours truly, B. Craven. EASTER. The conflict of opinion as to the true time of Easter for 18TG, has elicited various explanations, none of which seem to bo satisfactory. In my opinion, the designation of April lGt,h, according to the En glish Book of Common Prayer, is erroneous, and April Oth is the true day. Differences of opinion as to the true time arose during the first century, and so serious was the contest, that it was doomed essen tial for the Council of Nice A. D. 32-i, to settle the matter decisively. That Council passed the following resolutions: 1. Easter shall everywhere be be gun to be observed en the first day of the week, that is, Sunday. 2. Easter shall be on the San lay, that shall next follow, immediately after the fourteenth of tic mou, that shall follow next after the ver nal equinox. C. It shall be referred to tho Bish op of Alexandria to calculate every year according to thes-.; rules, when the festival shall begin. Previous to this time the Eastern Churches kept E.ister on the 14th of the month corrcspunriinj to the Jewish Passover ; the Wes tern Churches wait d till tho Sun- day following. By dvu cycles used to deirrta ct ia various no the time, natred of evcrv ?'ihh UCWISU, haughtiness of the piirsts, and ob stinate sectionalism, ilui e were nu merous discrepancies and contests during the following three hundred years. Finally Victorias a Pres byter cf Limoges, compounded some of the existing cycles, form ing a new and better one. This was improved by Dicysius a Roman abbot, A. D. 527, and wa3 finally adopted in England, at a council held at Whitbv in Yorkshire A- D. CG4. 'Those who claimed the 14 Nilsaii, irrespective of the day cf the week, cited as authority the usage of St. John, the supporter ef the Nicene decision, quoted St. Pe ter as infallible authority. Osweg, King cf tho Northumbrians, who presided, asked if it wa3 certain that St. Peter held the keys of heaven. Being answered in the af firmative. He sai l : 'I decide for the Nicene ru!e, lest when I come to the gates of heaven, should shut them agairt me Peter By this decision the Dionysian cycle and the Nicene rulo were es tablished in England, and are the basis or the calculations m the book of Common Prayer. Bj the Nicexie decree and in ac cord therewith tha fifth rub cf the Council of Whitby, the first Sun day after the 14th of Nisan is Eas ter, which is the same as the first Sunday after the first full moon after the Vernal Equinox. The Council of Whitby added, contrary to the council cf Nice, that if the 14th Nisan was on Sunday, then Easter should bo the Sunday fol lowing. This year the month Nisan began March 2Gth ; April the 8th is the 14th, and the following Sun day, which is the next day, is Eas ter ; hence the designation of April 9th as Easter, accords with the Ni cene decree, and also with the big oted sixth rule of Whitby. In 17' 17, a scheme was published accord itifr to these rules, to determine the church days forever in England, this scheme puts Easter on April 9th in 1976. See Prideanx's Con nexion, vol. 2. page 103. I am aware ot the pretonaed rule that says: 'if the full moon falls after twelve o'clock on Saturday night, it is to bj considered as Sunday, and Easter is to come on Sunday following.' This rule 13 ab surd and without authority : it i3 not supported by any calendar, nor any other rule of calculation. 1. It is absurb. When the moon fulls April 8, the time is different places. It i3 10 o'clock 11 minutes, P.M., at Jerusalem; 7:39 P.M., at London ; 2:30 P. M., at Wash ington ; 11:31 A; M., at San Fran cisco ; 9 A. M., at the Sandwich Islands. iZence by this rule there would be two Easters, except in idaho and Eastern Nevada where I 2. There is no computation of time that makes the day begin at noon, except Astronomical. Astronomi cal Sunday does not begin till 12 at noon of our Sunday; and hence by this the moon is full at Jerusa lem itself thirteen hours and fo.rty nine minutes before Sunday begins. For hundreds of years after the Nincene Council, the calculations were made at Alexandria and Rome by Roman time; and by this the moon was full at Rome March 8, three hours and xhirty-two minutes before Sunday began. By every known rule of calculation April 16 is erroneous. The whole matter is explained by this, the tables in the prayer book are incorrect. The Julian year by which theprayer books are calculated exceeds the solar year by which al manacks are made, nearly one day in one hundred years, and at the expiration of this century the gold en number in the prayer book must be moved forward one day to re pair the error. Assuming the pray er book correct or nearly so, at the beginning of this century, it is now wrong by at least twelve hours, and the full moon falling nearer than usual to the dividing line, the prayer book missed the canonical Easter by one week. According to Toinard and others, Christ was crucified on the 3rd of April at or near 9 o'clock a. m.; darkness was over the land from 12 to 3 o'clock ; he died a little after three and wa3 taken from the cross before 5 o'c'ock ; h lay in the tomb during 4th of April, and arose on the 5th. Hence Easter on the Oth is four days beyond the truo anni versary, and the lGthis still worse. B. Craven. Wanted to ba an Editor. 'Have you had any experience in tho business ?' we asked of a vetdant looking youth who applied for an editorial position the other day. 'Haven't I though ?' he replied, as he shoved one foot under his chair to hide the unskillful patch ing of a backwoods cobbler. 'I should say I'd had 3ome experience haven't I corresponded with the Piiuipkinvilhs Screamer for six weeks 1 Hain't that experience cnoug!" : 'That will do very well,' we re- pu3a, Dut wueu wc take young men on our editorial staff, we gen 7 O orally put them tarough an iaation. How much are exam twelve times one : 'Twelve ! ourht to an why any little boy 'Hold on, please don't bo too fast who discovered America?' 'Klumbus ! Pshaw, them ques tions are just as easy as' 'Who was the first man : 'Adam ! why Mister, I know all.' 'What was his other name ?' 'His other name ? hy he didn't have none. 'Yes, he did.- You see that's where we've got you. His other name was .oenezer .hbenezer Adam, Esq., late of Paradise. Nobody knows this but editors, and see to it that yoa don't tell any body. He said he woulun t. 'How many bones are there in the human body V 'Well, I forgot now, but I did know vrunst.' 'What ! don't you know that ? Why there's 7,482,921,444 bones in an ordinary man. A man that snores ha3 one bone more than other people.' 'What bone is that?' 'The trombone. 7s is situated somewhere in the nose. Y'ou won't forget that, will you ?' He said he wouldn't. 'How long would it take a mud turtle to cross the desert of Sahara with a small orphan boy to touch him up behind with a red-hot po ker?' 'Well, look here, Mister, if I had a slate and pencil I could figger that out, but dog my skin if I'm rnucu on mental ritnmetic. 'Slate and pencil ! Did you ever see a slate and pencil about a sanctum ? Well, we'll let that question slip. Have you got a rood constitution ?' 'Putty tolerable.' 'iiow long do you suppose you could live on raw corn and faith, and do the work of a domesticated elephant?' 'Lord ! I don't believe I could live mor'n a week.' 'Well, that's about as long as you'd want to live if you got an editorial position on this paper. Yon appear to be pretty well post ed; wo shall ask you one more ques tion, and if you prove eqal to it you can take off your coat and sail in.' 'Let's have 'er 'squire. I didn't correspond for the Pumphinville Screamer six weeks for nothin'. Let'er come i'm on deck, I am.' 'Well, sir, if two diametrical circles with octagonal peripheries should collide with a centrifugal idiosyncrasy, or, to put it plainer, we'll sav a disenfranchised nonenti ty, what effect would the catastro phe exert on a crystalized cod-fish suspended by the tail from the homogeneous rafters of the empv jrean ?' As the full force of this ponder ous problem bioke upon his be wildered brain, he slowly dragged his inartisticaily cobbled shoe from under his chair, and started from the room. We heard him descend the stairs, go out, and close the door. We then f lacidly resumed our dutie3, regretting that so pro mising a youth should have been weighed in the balance and found wanting. Franklin Patriot. An Exhibition of Law Old Si, says tho Atlanta Conttis tution, struck a streak of luck yes terday, and was treated to one drink too many. As he careened down Decatur 6treet he met a dar key who owed him fifteen cents. Old Si stopped against a hitching pest, and cried to the other negro. 'T-o-o-t ! T-o-o-t !' The debtor darkey did not heed. 'Ilyar !' called Si. 'Why do mis chief don't yer put on the brakes dar, niggah, an' stop when I toots ter yer ?' Tho darkey stops and returns to where Si was. 'Is yer got three niskles a hid ing 'round in yer britchers, niggah?' asked Si. 'No, Uncle Si, I 'clar ter grashus dat I ain't dis ebening.' 'When yer gwine ter (hie) pay up dat cash what I lent ter you, (hie) say, niggah ?' rejoined Si. 'Ter morrer, 1 specks,' sai d the debtor. 'Ef yer don't do it ter mor (hie) rer, I'll swar out er alfrydavin (hie) an' put yer whar de monkeys can't bite yer, yer hoar dat ?' 'Shoo ! dat ain't de law, ole man, said the young darkey. 'Tain't eh?' demanded Si, straightening up savagely, 'see dat fist ? and dat one ? (hie.) Dat one am de legislatur, and dis one (hie) am de 'spretne koart, an' ef yer don't pay dat 15 cents in de morn in' (hie I'm) gwine ter make yer tink do whole State of Georgy done fell on you !' Having loosed his hold on the post, Si fell into the gutter, and the debtor left him snorting there, after hurling the querry at him : 'Whar did de State ob Georgy strike now?' Mrs. Partington's Mild Protest. Do I look like an octagon ? asked Mrs. Partington as she sat at bieakfast yesterday at the Grand Central, Oakland, wifh the Chroni cle before her, and George, the beaming and genial exponent of gastronomic science, pouring her Mocha. Do I look like an octagon? placing her fingor smilingly on the paragraph fixing her age at seventy seven. An octason, indeed ! she continued, not severely, a emile wreathing her lips as the odor of the coffee exhaled, and her spectac les were dewy with rising vapor from her cup, 'they will, perhaps make me a centurion next and a relict of antipathy, but this is the year ter such, and perhaps 1 should be grateful for it, as age is honora ble and i might find a place at the National Imposition. Yet it is best not to assume year3 any more than virtues, and I shall be content if I am never older than I am now. This coffee is very flagrant, George, and as she spoke she gazed into the cup, seeing therein her good looks reflected which sixty years had not impaired, while George beamed down upon her with radiant satisfaction. A Magic Lining Eoom. Some months since an English man named Atkinson bought a country place near Pithiviers, in France. For many weeks thereaf ter carpenters and masons were busily employed in repairing and altering the chateau, and after their work had been completed Mr. Atkinson issued invitations for a largo dinner party to all the most prominent familes in the neighbor hood. The guests arrived at 6 o'clock and on taking their seats at the dinner table noticed with sur prise that there wa3 not even one servant to be seen. The soup waj consumed in silent astonishment. When all had partaken of it the host sounded a whistle, and as if by magic the soup, plates disappeared, and three magnificent silver plat ters, each containing a roast goose, appeared. Little cries of terror were heard frori the ladies. Mr. Atkinson took no notice of his guests' surprise, but remarking that it was a very warm evening, whist led asain, and the whole ceilini? disapneared; the host's black coat vanished at the same moment, leav ing him clothed in a white suit. The'guests, alarmed were about to rise from their chairs, when they found themselves, their chairs and the table suddenly raised five feet from the floor. They, however, were soon lowered again to the floor, and they all took reiugo in hasty flight from the demoniac abode. A judicial investigation was instituted, and it was found that Mr. Atdins had been for ten years the chief machinist at Covent Garden Theatre, in London fhere he had amassed a nice little fortune. The dinner was a freak to indulge? bistondness for jus old pursuit.

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