HOW TO KNOW
YOU’RE GROWING OLDER
Everything hurts and what
doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
The gleam in your eyes is from
the sun hitting your bifocals.
You feel like the night before, and
you haven’t been anywhere.
Your little black book contains
only names ending in M.D..
You get winded playing chess.
Your children begin to look
middle aged.
You finally reach the top of the
ladder, and find it leaning against
the wrong wall.
You join a health club and don’t
go.
You begin to outline enthusiasm.
You decide to procrastinate but
then never get around to it.
Your mind makes contracts your
body can’t meet.
A dripping faucet causes an
uncontrollable bladder urge.
You know all the answers, but
nobody asks you the questions.
You look forward to a dull
evening.
You walk with your head held
high trying to get used to your
bifocals.
Your favorite part of the
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newspaper is 20 years ago today.
You turn out the light for
economic rather than romantic
reasons.
You sit in a pocking chair and
can’t get it going.
Your knees buckle and your belt
won’t.
You regret all those mistakes
resisting temptation.
You’re 17 around the neck, 42
around the waist and 96 around
the golf course.
You stop looking forward to your
next birthday.
After painting the town red, you
have to take a long rest before
applying a second coat.
Dialing long distance wears you
out.
You’re startled the first time you
are addressed as oldtimer.
You remember today, that
yesterday was your wedding
anniversary.
You just can’t stand people who
are intolerant.
The best part of your day is over
when your alarm clock goes off.
You burn the midnight oil after
9:00 p.m.
Your back goes out more than
you do.
A fortune teller offers to read
your face.
Your pacemaker makes the
garage door go up when you
watch a pretty girl go by.
The little gray haired lady you
help across the street is your
wife.
You get your exercise acting as a
pallbearer for your friends who
exercise.
You get too much room in the
house and not enough in the
medicine cabinet.
You sink your teeth into a steak
and they stay there. —
Contributed
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In Concert
Patrick Cauble
Patrick Cauble, visiting artist
at Isothermal Community Col
lege, will present a vocal, guitar
and lute concert in the library
auditorium pn the Isothermal
Community College campus on
Saturday, January 26, at 8:00
p.m.
It will be Cauble’s first formal
concert since he began his
one-year visiting artist residency
at the college last fall.
The program will feature
guitar solos with music from the
Romantic and Classical periods,
lute solos with music such as the
familiar “Greensleaves” from
the Renaissance period, and
songs ranging from Renaissance
to modern and varying in mood
and theme from sad laments to
bawdy ballads. One of the
contemporary songs he will sing
with guitar accompaniment will
be “Five Quiet Songs” by the
English composer John Duarte.
A native of Ohio, Cauble
considers Charlotte, North Caro-
the r
with inti