J y
Only death
A parent is a parent for life;
only one power can destroy this
special relationship, and that is
death. Then the loss is deep and
permanent.
44If ydirftrc-a parent who has
lost a child to death, you cannot
expect other people to completely
understand your pain," says Dr.
Leo Hawkins, extension human
development specialist, North
Carolina State University.
Condolences offered by friends
often vary with the age of the lost
child. It is important for friends
to try to understand the depth of
the loss.
There is usually less sympathy
offered to parents who lose infants
with serious birth defects.
"In fact, the family may be seen
as slightly crazy to put so much
importance on an immature infant.
"But the neighbors and friends
did not stay up all night many
- times with that sick, tiny person.
It is irrelevant whether the
mother or family could later give
the tiny one a good chancy for
success in society," Dr. Hawkins
It's just
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says.
Parents who lo$e a young child
also lose the wishes, hopes,
dreams and all the potential that
only parents can see. 44Many
regrets are also reviewed during
mourning, for not having been
the perfect parent, never impa- <
tient with the child,** Dr.
Hawkins says.
Those who lose a teenaoer haw
special problems. "There is some %
discord during adolescence
among the vefy best families.
Elderly are di
Despite critics and change, the
nuclear family remains the front
line of support in today's society.
Unfortunately, for the elderly,
their nuclear family is small and
sometimes nonexistent. Seventeen
percent of men and 54 percent
of women over the aoe of ?5
are widowed and most live alone,
Dr. Linda George, associate professor
of medical sociology at
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y parent-c
Death then comes and leaves a
gaping hole of unfinished
business. Enormous guilt usually
joins the pain, making bereavement
ever tougher," Dr.
Hawkins points out.
Older parent who lose an adult
child may feel this loss is uni
natural and intolerable. "The
order of life is reversed, and
helplessness is especially keen,"
Dr. Hawkins says. "Reasons for
the death are often reviewed at
length. Distoritions, idealizations
zpendent upc
Duke University, recently told
volunteers and professionals who
deal wih elderly. Dr. George
spoke at extension's Eloise Cofer
Family Living Seminar held at;
North Carolina State University.:
When the nuclear family can-'
not help, people turn to their ex-.
tended family (relatives not living'
with them), friends neighbors
?i- ?!- -
auu ^luicsMuuais uucnng services.
1
Problems may arise when an
older relative turns to the extended
family for the same day to day
care usually found in the nuclear
iWh
GOOO^VEA
THE ORIGIN
mRAD W
TIEMPQ
P155/80R13 Whitewall.
No trade needed.
Whitewall
Siza Not?
nnBO<
P185/80R13 $42.
P185/75R14 $47.
P195/75R14 $49.
P205/75R14 $53.
P205/75R15 $54.
P215/75R15 $57.
P22 5/75R15 $59.
P235/75R15 3 Jfi2.
No trade needed.
Lube,
Oil Change
& Filter
*15
Includes up to five quarts
oil
Special diesel oil and filter
type may result in extra
charges
Alllflf fMHIT
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FROM CITIBANKO
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y
hild bond
and attempts to avoid or accept
blame are common. The older
parent who had become dependent
upon the now dead child
faces a special hardship.0
Whatever the age of the child,
the death hits a parent hard.
Most parents keep their true deep
feelings mostly private, but those
who can find expression for grief ,
have better chance to rebuild a
life of quality and purpose.
"Friends and professionals who
will share these feelings should be
picked carefully," Dr. Hawkins
says.
m families
family, Dr. George said.
A network of friends, bound
by ties of affection, is very important
to the older person whose
nuclear family is shrinking. Most
older people report many satisfying
friendships last until they get
very old. Then they are also losing
their friends and may become
isolated.
it is important ror an older person
to find new friends Dr.
George said. Organizations,
clubs, parks, and shopping malls
are useful. A shared activity can
_ lead to friendship.
7uwj
^vflS|S9P^S^
*\m
. Sk
? All Season
95 Radlals
95 Arrlva
Ai P145/80R13
95 Biackeaii
No trade needed
95 I Six* and I
fcfe R P1C&/70R 1 z ise.ecJ|
,-a #A7StlSa?AX&L $55.9$
P215/75R14 WW $69.95
P235/75R15 WW I $79.95
1333
Lube & Oil Change
with Purchase of a
12 Month Tbne-Up
38 *44 *48
A fi A?/I O a*<1
ww y i. wvfi.
Electronic Ignition Systems
includes up to five quarts on and chassis lubrication
Includes 3 free engine analyses adjustments
fid part replacements within one year
Check battery charging, starting and engine
systems
Install new soark plugs
Set timing
Adjust carburetor where applicable (Extra charge
if removal is necessary)
ItoM-Uf Warranted 12 FiH Heaths
Offer Ends Wednesday. Sept. 12
. GO
- AUT
Owned & Op
%
^ ?
The Chronicle, Thursday, September 6, 1984-Page B9
IVnsm 33TI service, I
/QSaSffl prices, 1
vnsm fSHTi mechanics, I
VtEHB 33 personnel, I
quality III
II products. ;
For the finest service at the lowest prices, come
to Whitney's and bring your home the best in
carpet, vinyl & wood flooring, mini blinds and *
I wallpaper.
Ill] I IN IIL J MIIHIWWlJ
IVERSARY
\ I I For 60 years, we've
\| I been providing
I V I tires and service
II r for
I |l| driving. See us now
I I and save during
^^B ^B U ^B I our big anniversary
B ^ I
| coiourautm.
Sale Ends Sept. 12. i
Bias Belted Bias Ply !
'30w 1 *2570 _
fcfe B78i13 VVhftewall A78-13 BlackwaU
No ttade needed. No trade needed.
Cushion Belt Polyglas Power Streak II
Mihit.Hi.il Sale Price Sale Price
' si?? No trade Size Ne trade weeded.
wow ncmmi i wmwh
'PPfi^ti F78-14 $39.10 B78-13 | 326.75 | $28.80
u^o-io 943.Z u i u/?-i4 bzb.bu 931.90
H78-15 $45.30 I G78-14 $34.95 $38.10
lliilml L78-15 $47.35 | H78-14 $36.95 $40.15
STEEL BEIIED RADIALS
^ Whltewall
$AQ95 ?
l ^r P185/80R13 $51.95
I " m P215/75R14 $65.95
I P175/80R13 Whitewall. P225/75R14 $71.95
| No trade needed P225/70R15 $74.95
Custom Polysteel
Performance Favorites I
Radials Tracker LT
Eagle ST % IjETiS. r I
P185/70R13 M ?.?adJi!O0P JL.
Raised White tK No trade needed
Letter No , .
'?? ? ??*?? lo?> tas:
1 I | SIM Rang* ^?T
fi-i -< . ^e ??*' mbwmmbbvbi
T2S5SI H78-15 C $59.00
?2222^?: L78-1G C SG6.O0 P
H1&5/7GR14 $71. SO 800-10.0 D $03.00 B
- ------ .ra2s/7c?^s? - "sa-uso?;~? : -erwe.e^ny.cr ^- B - ? < * - - ?
950-16.5 D $78.00*
J 'This size only. add SO 51 F ET H
guaranteed i Goodyear
Wheel I "/in" Dn?nn.
Alignment y
Warranted 90 days ot 4,000 miles,
whichever comes first.
Set front or rear wheel caster, mm MM4^WP*
camber, and toe on cars
with adjustable suspension. ^
Chevettes, light trucks, cars insfsiied
requiring MacPherson Strut G Slzes 22F 24 24F
correction extra.
ODfYEAR
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mrated By The Gooflxear Tire & Rubber Company
i