FORUM Let go of your pitiful-me stories Nigel Alston Motivational Moments "Every man stamps his value on himself . ..Man is made great or small by his own will. " -J.C.F. von Schiller Do any of these phrases sound familiar to you? "r don't have time to...." "If only 1 didn't have so much to do, I could.. ." "I plan to do it; however " "I *ave the material for a book, but... " They are very familiar to me. They are mine. I have used them (and others) at one time or another, not knowing that they were influencing my behavior, my decision-making and my ability to move forward success fully. In some cases, they were excuses I used for not doing something I was being chal lenged to do, something I said I wanted to do, or I lacked confi dence in doing. Recently, after reading an article ("Powerful Stories") by Molly Gordon, I realized the need (o make another shift in my thinking going into the new year. Gordon's message was just the reinforcement 1 needed. According to Gordon, a cer tified professional coach who helps independent professionals and artists reconcile the chal lenges of building thriving livelihoods and loving their lives, there is power in the sto ries we tell. The phrases above and below, in Gordon's words, attest to the power of story. You have used and/or heard a few of these too, I'm sure: "That's the story of my life." "When I retire, I will...." "I don't have any money." "When things get better ..." "If I didn't have bad luck, I would not have any luck at all." "You just don't understand." "What's your story?" "I want to hear the whole story." 1 could identify with Gordon as I read about the poverty story she used once too often, that is until she had a shift in her think ing one day when being solicited to give money to a charity. "I used to tell a poverty story as a matter of course," she wrote. Her story line, as she calls it, was: "I'm poor; poor me." It was reflected in comments like these. "I can't afford it." "I can't ever get ahead. Every time I sav? some money something breaks-and I need to spend it." An interesting thing hap pened one day as she was about to repeat that story line one more time, the "umpteenth time," as she describes it. She heard a voice in her mind say: "That's not true! That hasn't been true for years. 1 have about as much money as I choose to have, and, if I wanted to. I could contribute to this.cause." That's when she changed her story to one of possibility and plenty. Since that time, she says, she has paid attention to the story she is telling when she talks about money. Why? "I know that my financial success and stability are directly tied to the money storie* 1 tell," she writes. Ten years ago I had a similar story when challenged by a friend to write a column. "I can't. I'm not a writer." I told him repeatedly. He persisted in challenging me. and eventually I wrote a guest column for this paper. Because of a lack of con fidence. it was several weeks later before 1 repeated the process and submitted another column. 1 was telling myself the wrong story. And I was living up to it. "I can't." "I'm afraid." "What ajiill people say?" "What will I write about?" About five years ago. I had that same mental shift Gordon writes about. I changed my story. 1 made a commitment lo write weekly, and the rest has taken care of itself. I told myself 1 would do it. I would sit in front of the blank computer screen and write. I held myself account able instead of feeling sorry. 1 lived up to my new story. Here are a few questions Gordon would have you consid er: Are you telling yourself a story that keeps you small? How would it be to let go of your old, sad stories and to accept respon sibility for the great, good story of your life? "Stories shape our experi ence' , P.O. Box W6, Winston-Salem, NC 27102 Please print clearly. Typed letters and columns are preferred. If you are writing a guest column, please include a photo of yourself. We reserve the right to edit any item submitted for clarity or brevity. You also can e-mail us your letters or columns at: news@wschronicle.com The Chronicle Home Delivery Subscription Order ? YES, Please send me The Chronicle J 2 y6ars: $40.95 J 1 year: $30.72 J 6 months: $20.48 Out of County/State 2 years . . S45.95 I >car 35.72 h mos. 25.48 3 mos. 15.24 ?n ' Phono City Slate Zip ? VISA ? Mastercard American Express ? Check enclosed J Please bill me Account Number Expiration Date Signature SEND to: The Chronicle, P.O. Box 1636. Winston-Salem. NC 27102