^vCtrolex^
-By Carole B. Rif■
Reliable Formula For Parenthood
Dear Carole: •
My wife apd I have been
married several years. We have
a home and good jobs. Now we’re
thinking that we have a lot to
give to a child. We want to be
good parents. But what we want
to know is, how can we tell if
we’re ready to become parents?
Ricky
Dear Ricky:
There is no reliable formula
for measuring when a person is
ready for parenthood. However,
several factors can be con
sidered. First, potential parents
need to be old enough to give
themselves time to experience
life. Making plans for life, do
ing some things you want to do,
discovering yourself, meeting
and rela^ng to people: these are
-»!Uviu«5 mat can heip you—
develop the maturity that pa
renthood demands.
Another factor to consider is
preparation for parenthood is the
relationship between you and
your wife. Within the context of
your relationship, it is important
to learn how and when to share
thoughts and feelings as well as
sharing "things.” Delaying the
gratification of each of your
personal neeas may-sometimes
be an important- factor of pa
renthood. The ability to be flex
ible when the situation re
quires flexibility is also another
factor of parenthood.
If you and your wife have love
to give to a child, please don’t let
my statements frighten you
away from parenthood. Don’t
wait until you feel you know it all
in order to choose parenthood.
An open mind, a caring heart
and an awareness about your
choice can help you to grow and
become ready to be parents.
Carole
Dear Carole:
Our 18 year-old son has grown
to be 6’2” and he weighs 180
pounds. My wife is 5’4” and I am
5’8” and weigh 160 pounds. I’m
ashamed to say that we are
afraid of our son. He doesn’t
work, so he’s around a lot. Once
in a while, he is nice. But that’s
mostly when he wants money.
Most of the time, though, he has
a real bad mean streak and tem
per in him.
I don’t want him to live with
us anymore but my wife says we
can’t put him out on the
streetl
We just don’t know what to do.
I don’t like him pushing me
around. But when be puts his
hands on his mother, I get real
upset. I feel like I may hurt him
one day. What should I do?
J.K.
Dear J.K.:
The safety of you and your wife
is at stake. It is unfortunate that
this situation has developed in
your home. But the type of
behavior that you describe
could not have just begun.
Sometimes, very gradually,
parents' give their authority
away and turn the job of pa
renting over to their children.
When this process happens, the
children take control and the
parents can became the victims
of the children.
you ana your wife need to
make Some immediate deci
sions. Your son’s behavior in
dicates that he does not need to
be in your home. I suggest
counseling for you and your wife
first, to help you try to regain
respect for yourselves and to
support you in making some
important decisions about your
family. Please don’t delay.
Carole
Carole B. Ricks is an M.S.W.,
A.C.S.W. social worker. She has
a private practice in Charlotte,
N.C., as a counselor. If yon have
personal adjustment, parent
child or marriage problems that
concern yon, write:
, Carole’s Corner
P. O. Bex 371*7
Charlotte, N.C. 28237
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