Ci^arlotte
Thursday, June 15,1989
LIFESTYLES
Section B
Page One
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CMCdren Learn ^hat lUey Live
If a ckUd Cives u/ith criticism,
he (earns to condemn.
If a child Cives zvith hostility,
he (earns to fight.
If a child (ives zvith ridicule,
fie (earns to he shy.
If a chdd (ives zvith shame,
he (earns to fee(guiCty.
If a child Cives zvith toCerance,
he (earns to he patient.
If a child (ives zvith encouragement,
he (earns confidence.
If a child (ives zvith praise,
fie (earns to appreciate.
If a chiCd (ives zvith fairness,
he (earns justice.
If a chdd Uves zvith security,
he (earns faith.
If a child (ives zvith approved,
he (earns to (ihf himseCf.
If a chiCd (ives zvith acceptance and friendship,
he (earns to find Cove in the zvorCd.
By Laura Leiden
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They're Better Than Ever!
Pliatat/CALVIN FENOUSON
By LORA VANDERHALL
Lifest^es Editor
With more women In the work
force and the constant changes
of our society , more black men
are taking active roles In child
rearing. Some have always tak
en an active part In the upbring
ing of their children, but Its be
coming less of a rarity to see
them In this capacity.
Thomas Bradley, the father of
Toure' and Tahlrah, said the
best two days of his life were
the days his children were bom.
"I was in the birthing room
when both of the children were
born. To watch the child
birth...It gives you a feeling of
satisfaction. Personally, 1 have
never felt better," Bradley said.
He was the only child of Thel
ma and Thomas Bradley, Sr., but
he said he was never lonely.
"I adjusted to being an only
child by becoming creative. I
created characters...! created
my own brothers and sisters
and they were always better
than me," he said.
"Growing up I never really es
tablished a life goal. My goal
was to learn as much as I possi
bly could about everything to
hopefully maintain something
that would sustain ir^r Interest."
After high school Bradley at
tended Morehouse College. He
also studied and worked at Mal
colm X Liberation University.
Today, he Is an administrative
analyst with a local company.
Bradley, 38, said when he was
younger he never had any Inten
tions of getting married or hav
ing children.
But he has done both.
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Photo/CALVIN FERGUSON
Thomas Bradley takes time out to read to his children, Toure* Q) and Tahlrah (r).
"1 was 30 years old when I got
married In 1981," he said.
He and his wife, Fran, had
talked about adopting because
they thought she was unable to
have children.
Their son, Toure' was bom In
1984 and their daughter Tahl
rah WEIS bom In 1985. Toure' Is
named after Ahmed Sekou
Toure', who was the president of
Guinea and Tahlrah Is named
after an African princess.
Bradley said he wsmted them to
have names they could be proud
of as well as culturally and his
torically meaningful.
"The first thing that hits you Is
that you have this human being
who you're responsible for...and
that brings about adjustments,"
he said.
Having been sin active psirticl-
pant In the night feeding, day
feedings, changing dlapors, giv
ing medicine and the general
realm of things, Bradley has
made quite a few changes to be
come an active participant In
the upbringing of his children.
" 1 use to play golf In the after
noon but now that's out because
1 have to pick the kids up from
day cEue. Smsdl kids EU"e veiy
demanding In terms of time and
It's physlCEilly exhausting. The
time for reading or whatever free
time you have becomes limited
or reduced," said Bradley.
Because of his wife's work
schedule and other activities
Bradley sa3rs he does his psirt.
"I would like to think that I
would do my part even If FrEin
was not as busy as she Is. Chll-
dien are the creation of two
people and the responsibility
should be shared by two," he
said .
Children are amEizlng to watch
as they grow and develop, both
physicalty and Intellectually.
Bradley says Its exciting to see
that gleam In their eyes because
they recognize their parents.
"How quickly they learn never
ceases to amEize me," he said.
Being a good father also
means playing the role of medi
ator.
'The children have different
personalities. Toure' Is extro
verted, energetic, outgoing and
pei'sonable. TsihlrEdi Is more re
served In her approach and she
makes CEireful decisions, I have
to try and tone Toure' down,
without stifling his energy, while
I have to try smd pull TEihlrEih
out," he SEdd.
Fathers are often looked upron
as the disciplinarian within a
fsunlly. But as with most things,
effective discipline requires a
careful approach.
"The children get a verbal
warning and an explanation,
first. If they Ignore that they
wUl be put on some typ>e of re
strictive punishment or receive
a spEmking.
"I've never reacted In a violent
mEmner to either one. Parents
must be In control of them
selves so that they don't react
violently to the kids," Bradley
said.
Education also plays Ein im
portant, never ending part In
the lives of parents and chil
dren.
"I want my children to be edu
cated... not trained. I want them
to be able to draw cross refer
ences and mEike decisions for
themselves. Everything they
will be . confronted with in
school will not be true. I want
them to be as objective as pos
sible so that they will be bal
anced when exposed to other
things," he said. "You have an
obligation because there are no
absolute rights or wrongs."
"We, as parents, have an obli
gation to make sure the family
unit stays In tact. It might mean
sacrificing some personal hap
piness," he concluded.
Bradley offers the following
advice to new fathers:
1. ) Respect the life you helpied
bring into the world.
2. ) Make very CEtreful observa
tions of your children: be In
tuned to their world , what
they're seeing and hearing. Re
member that they are constant
ly learning.
3. ) You have an obligation to
Improve the quality of their
lives. That might mean, but es
pecially If you're African-
American, that you'll have to
struggle.
4. ) You must read Euid study
yourself. In order to bEdance the
kind of education they'll receive.
Childhood Holds The Building Blocks For Fatherhood
By LORA VANDERHALL
lifest^es Editor
"The ruin of a nation begins In
the home of its people."
African Proverb
T. J. Reddy believes that all
men should take the above pro
verb seriously, when tEiklng on
the responsibility of fatherhood.
Reddy, 43, Is thankful for hav
ing a good upbringing smd he
feels that It should be passed
on,
"Somebody had to give us at
tention. So that what we've been
endowed with...we should give
back," he said.
Reddy, a renown Eirtlst, Is eiIso
the father of three children. He
surd hls wife, Karyn, have two
daughters: Jamila Imanl, 6
months and Cheml'n Joy, 18
months. Reddy also has anoth
er daughter, Nlambl, 11, from a
previous marriage.
"I’m a father twice over," he
SEdd jokingly. "And I'm all Into
IL"
Growing up. Reddy had the
oppiortunlty to experience life
In a smsdl town as well as a
large city.
He was born In Savanna.
Georgia, where he and a younger
brother were reared by hls
great-grandmother. But at age
14 he moved to Brooklyn, N. Y.,
to live with hls pEirents.
" My parents moved to Brook
lyn because my father wanted to
be a master craftsman and he
couldn't find work In Savanna,"
he added.
Reddy says he began to culti
vate parenting skills at a very
young age while living with hls
great-grandmother.
"I grew up going to church,
Bible school, church school and
I was In the church choir and
the Boy Scouts. My grEuidmoth-
er made sure we went to church
and had a sense of community.
She made sure we were cour
teous, respectful, hard working
smd educated.
"We had no electric lights, tele
phone or television...but we were
not without what we needed.
When I would get an award or
something at school there was
always someone there. My rela
tives were always there urging
me on. It gave me a strong
sense of Identity smd self re
spect," said Reddy.
He said she also made them
veiy mindful of those who were
less fortunate. "She would al
ways say, giving, when you have
the lesist, makes you more spir
itual and God-llke," Reddy re-
CEllls.
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Photo CALVIN FERGUSON
T. J. Reddy is shown above holding hls daughters, Jamila CO and
Cheml'n (r).
After moving to Brookfyn, Red
dy not only had to deal with the
culture shock but with the fact
that he had live other brothers.
"I learned how to take care of
babies, cook, and clean," said
Reddy.
One of hls brothers became
very 111 with Hong Kong flu for
about 18 months and he says
that's still veiy vivid In hls mind.
This Incident helped him leEun
a lot Eibout CEure taking.
"1 felt that If I could give my
brother some attention then
that would help and keep him
from becoming retarded...he was
realty In bad shap>e. I learned a
lot about touching and the spir
itual reference of laying on of
hEmds," he ssdd.
"All of these things I'm trying
to p>ass on to my chSdren."
Reddy has taken an active part
in the upbringing of hls chil
dren. He has done everything
from feeding them to changing
their dlapreis.
He recently started a job with
Charlotte Parks and Recreation
as a cultural arts specialist. Hls
wife, a registered nurse In the
Intensive care nursery at Pres-
byterlsm Hospitsd, works week
ends which allows lots of
family time.
"At the end of each day, when,
we meet, we embrace each other;
and we tsike about three min-'
utes each to tEilk with each oth-1
er. We tEike nothing for granted,"'
said Reddy.
'We spiend a lot of quality time
together. Usually, twice a'
month we have a famlty get to-’
gether which Includes Karyn’s
famlty." !
For the birth of both of their
daughters they used the Bradley:
Method, where the husband;
coaches the childbirth. Reddy ■
WEIS involved with the trEdning.
for delivery which placed em-;
phasls on diet, nutrition Emdl
exercise.
"I try to be conscience of the
fact that parenting Is a a Joint
respx>nslblllty," he added.
Knowing the enormous de-
msmds of psu’enting, Reddy re
ceived a vasectomy after the
birth of hls youngest daughter.
"Having a vasectomy is very
unpopular among black men
but It should be consid
ered... they Edways exprect the
woman to do something." he
SElld.
Reddy believes that In order to
be a good father one must un
derstand the full meaning of
commitment Eind devotion.