Wji Cftatlotte ^ost
LIFESTYLES
7 A
THURSDAY
December 30, 1993
The insecure
fear rejection
too much
Would you be upset If any of
these people did not speak to
you? Your spouse, your next
door neighbor, your employ
er, a co-worker, or a girl
friend/boy-friend? Would
you be upset if anyone didn't
speak to you?
Most people would feel quite
rejected if someone did not
like them. The need to be ac
cepted is one of the most pow
erful of all human needs. The
fear of being
rejected is
even more
potent.
This can
easily be
traced to the
way you feel
about your
self. If you
like your
self, are con
fident that
you are a ca-
CHARLES pable person
FAULKNER and can
stand on
your own emotional feet, you
are likely to be essentially
unaffected by the way other
people's rudeness as their
problem rather than your
own. You sleep well at night.
On the other hand, if you
are insecure, lack confidence
and basically do not feel good
about yourself, you will prob
ably feel offended and intim
idated if practically anyone
snubs you. Highly insecure
people regard the world and
everyone in it as their ene
mies. Not only do they feel
terribly hurt if you do not
speak to them, but they might
verbally or physically attack
you. They might assume that
you are going to dislike them
and attack you before you get
the chance to reject them.
In some cases, they might
Interpret any form of behav
ior, whether positive or nega
tive, as rejection. Eiven when
it is not actually directed to
ward them.
Is this behavior logical? Is
it really important whether
people like or dislike you? It
depends on who the person is.
If your husband or wife snubs
you, it might be logical to
find out why. And if you real
ly care, it might be wise to
take the proper steps to re
solve the matter that made
them be rude to you.
You must examine yourself
honestly and logically. Will
the failure of some to accept
you, to affirm your ideas, to
praise you, to speak to you,
have any real effect on you?
The answer is probably a re
sounding "no!" The bad feel
ing is simply in your mind.
You give most other people
too much power over you.
Sisters learned
tradition of
family support
In their 90s and independent
By Cassandra Wynn
THE CHARLOTTE POST
Traditions die hard in strong families.
When sharecroppers King and Daisy White were rais
ing their family in Matthews at the turn of the century,
they taught their seven children that anyone who is
able helps the other. They kept their home open for
their children and friends.
Of the seven, two of King and Daisy's children are still
living, now m Charlotte. Christmas babies, Beatrice
White is 94 (bom Dec. 27) and Lillie White Montgomery
is 90(bom Dec. 25). They live together off Beatties Ford
Road.
Carrying on tradition Is natural. Both have a strong
sense of independence. They still keep house, garden
and get around town. That Independence is a character
istic that probably comes from their father, said Law
rence Montgomery, Lillie's son who was visiting from
his home in Maryland for the holidays. "My grandfa
ther was very industrious. Although he was a share
cropper, he owned his own livestock and farming equip
ment."
Mutual support has been key for the family, Lawrence
Montgomery said. "Somebody takes care of somebody.
We always helped each other."
The sisters take care of each other. Lillie Montgomery,
the more mobile of the two, goes to East Stonewall AME
Zion Church most Sundays and still catches the bus to
get around Charlotte, sometimes going as far as South
Park on her own. A few days before Christmas, she was
frying pork chops for dinner.
An arthritic knee bothers Lillie Montgomery now. Be
fore that she did much of the domestic chores around
the house. Years ago, after her father had a stroke, she
quit her job with Domestic Laundry in Charlotte and
stayed home to care for him.
Longevity runs m their family. An older sister died at
age 95 a few years ago. An aunt died at 106. The sisters'
great grandfather lived until he was 117. Lillie Mont
gomery remembers the great grandfather who grew up
m slavery. "He was hi bed when I knew him. His head
was white as cotton. He had a big farm and worked it un
til he was 107," she recalled.
The secret to long life? The sisters chime the answer:
"Just live right. Honor your parents and that will make
your days long upon the land which the Lord thy God
giveth thee."
'Tend to your own business," White added as an axiom
for peace on Earth.
It was in 1924 after King White went blind and could
no longer farm that the family moved to Charlotte.
They lived on Short Street In the Brooklyn community.
It was the place where both sisters would end up raising
their children. Lillie has two children and Beatrice has
one son.
"Elverybody helped raise us," said Lawrence Montgom
ery.
Later In life, Lillie Montgomery bought her home off
Beatties Ford Road. It was in the 1960s after the family's
home was taken by the city to make way for urban re
newal that White moved with her sister.
The sisters have been acting congruently for years. "In
church, we were always In the same groups," Lillie
Montgomery said. "I've seen the church grow with great
success. I've seen plenty children grow up. Stonewall
has lots of children. Some have become great men and
women, preachers, doctors, educators. They all come
back to the church looking for you."
Church members do appreciate the two. White was giv
en a plaque for being the oldest active member of the
church. And both were honored Sunday by the Mission
ary.
UUle White Montgomeiy (left) and Beatrice White have hel^ied each dther out most of their
lives. They were honor^ by the East Stonewall ANES Qon Ohurch last Sunday. pHoro/Paui wiiiams i
The Secret
The sisters chime answer; "Just
Live Right. Honor your parents and
that Avlll make your days long upon
the land which the Lroi thy God giv
eth thee," ;• ^
Kwanzaa provides time for cultural celebration
ASSOCIATED PRESS
LAFAYETTE. Ind.--
Saundra Jo Holiday of Indi
anapolis has been celebrat
ing the black cultural holi
day of Kwanzaa for six
years, but hasn't abandoned
Christmas.
"When I told my daughter
(about celebrating Kwan
zaa) she panicked," Holiday
said. "She was 14 at the
time. She said, 'Are we still
going to have Christmas?'"
Holiday said Kwanzaa is
special partly because it's
different.
"Kwanzaa eases me," Holi
day said. "Instead of con
centrating on how much
money I have and what I
can buy in (Christmas)
gifts, I concentrate on prin
ciples and it gives me more
peace at that time."
Holiday and others who
recognize both holidays say
that Kwanzaa, begun during
the turbulent 1960s, is grow
ing as a way for blacks to cel
ebrate their heritage.
"We started celebrating
Kwanzaa about three or four
years ago because we needed
our children to have some
thing about their culture to
feel good about," said Carol-
Jo Brown of Lafayette.
Brown, who celebrates the
holiday with her husband
Perry and their four chil
dren, said some people mis
takenly believe Kwanzaa,
because it falls during the
same time of year, is sup
posed to replace Christmas.
'That's not true. It is a non
religious, non-political,
non-heroic holiday. It is
strictly a cultural holiday,"
Brown said.
Kwanzaa, which is Swahili
for "first fruits of the har
vest," was started in 1966 by
Maulana Karenga, chairman
of black studies a) California
State University.
The holiday begins Dec. 26
and ends Jan. 1.
A candle is lit on each of the
seven days of Kwanzaa-one
black, three red and three
green. Black stands for the
color of the people, red for
blood they have ^ready shed
in their struggles to be free
and green for the African
homeland.
The seven candles also pay
tribute to each of the festival
principles: unity, self
determination, collective
work and responsibility, co
operative economics, pur
pose, creativity and faith.
"My children, as Chris
tians, are developing a more
personal commitment to
what Christmas is all about.
I think that Kwanzaa is be
ginning to have the same ef
fect," said Lafayette resident
Paula Hicks.
She and her family light
one of the candles each day
and discuss one of the seven
principles.
"It is a good family time and
a time to observe principles
Important to us as a family
and as an identifiable group
of people in this country,"
said Hicks, who founded the
Black Chamber of Commerce
in Lafayette.
The Children's Museum of
Indianapolis plans an even
ing of special activities on
Thursday, the fifth day of
festival. Children ages 5 to
10 and their parents will
gather in the museum's Pass
port to the World Pavilion
for storytelling, dancing,
craft-making, said Annie
Knapp, a museum spokes
woman.
"The emphasis is on family,
on children and parents to
gether, learning and having
fun," she said Monday.
Indianapolis public schools
have planned a variety of
Kwanzaa actlvlttes this week
for students. Including a
martial arts demanaQrtitkm
on Tuesday night at CHspus
Attucks Middle School to
celebrate Ujima, or collec
tive work and responsibili
ty-
Riverside Park United
Methodist Church held a cel-
ebratlon on self-
determination Monday
night to coincide with the
second day of Kwanza,
known as Kujichagulia.
"The emphasis is on
family, on children
and parents togeth
er, , learning and
Hiding fun."
Annie Knapp