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by parting what is left just above the ear and pulling twenty significant (and unbe»evaWy long) strands over the top of our head. If we buy a rug, we will buy one that does not differ from the color of the rest of our hair and one that does not take on a purple glow in the lights of a disco. We are to ad-ers as the child in the crowd is to the emperor with no clothes. With that in mind.... We've answered a few ads; we’ve placed a few ads. In our ad-life infancy, we were almost always disappointed. We attributed this to our inability to merge the ad-er's self-image, writing style, and presentation with our perceptions and needs. We have compared what these people said they were like with how we perceived them. We can now pick'em and skip'em with ease. What we are about to chisel in stone, therefore, is based totally on our experience. Heaven forbid that we might come off as the critical bitch that we are. First, and most important, what M theyleaee out?. Hair color? Gray, or none. Weight? Laurel or Hardy. Height? De plane, de plane, boss. Age? 40 plus or jail bait Professional in the health field? Tricky devils. Never a doctor, dentist or psychiatrist Try health claims processor or someone who wheels patients to and from rooms. (We swear on a stack of Calvin Klein underwear package inserts.) Enjoys a quiet evening at home? Ashamed to be seen with another man in public. They live in one pair of jeans with flannel shirts and/or T shirts. The closest they come to eating in a restaurant is take-out food, which must be home deliverable. VCR ownership and cable TV with premium channels are de rigueur. Well-hung? Isn’t everyone? We’ll decide. We insist on four readings using a metal tape (warmed to body temperature) and always measuring from the base of the pubic bone: 1) flaccid, resting and unexcited (this indicates general visual appeal); 2) immediately upon rising in the morning and before urinating (this indicates general physiological functionality); 3&4) excited with and without prostate stimulated (this indicates whether we use our hands to hold on or if we are going to have to use them elsewhere). Likes to travel? If we arrange it and pay for it. These people have no need for travel agents. They have the capacity to store enormous amounts of numeric data. They can quote, on demand, prices and schedules from airline data banks. They live for Sundays so they can spend the day memorizing information in the travel section of the newspaper. They are waiting for the orgasmic travel deal of a life time which never seems to come until we whip out our gold card. Scintillating conversationalist? We will not get a word in edgewise. They like the sound of their own voices. They don't believe anything unless they saw it on Entertainment Tonight or read it in People. Likes sports, sports-minded? Never a participant, always the enthusiast and couch potato. They keep up with all the scores and rankings. Eyes are red from sitting close to the TV, glued to the 24 hour sports channel. These people can never go anywhere because there is always “the game of all time” coming on TV. Athletic (yet over 35)? Oh, they left out “used to be." These people are almost always suffering from trick knees, bad backs, old shoulder injuries. These ailments almost always impact pelvic thrust and creative positioning. We darken these ads with heavy black markers so that in a moment of weakness we cannot answer them conveniently. Straight-acting and -appearing? Wed, we don't see those anymore, do we? That’s because it only meant the person did not cross-dress (in public) and was not on pre-operative hormones. Enjoy! __Your Humble Typist AO DEADLINES!!! This is issue 10 (cover date June 6.1989). Ads which appear in this issue had to have been received and all necessary verifications comp leted by Wednesday, May 24,1989. The cut off for receiving and verifying ads for issue 11 (cover date June 20,1989) is Wednesday, June 7,1989. The cut off for receiving and verifying ads for issue 12 (cover date July 4,1989) is Wednesday, June 21,1989. JOBS NC Lesbian and Gay Health Project seeks qualified applicants for the foliowing positions: Executive Director. Fun time administrator responsible for program and resource develop ment. staff supervision and public relations. Health care/counseling, special events and grant writing experience preferred. Health Educator. Half time educator to develop and implement outreach programs to businesses, schools, civic and social groups and assess and train volunteers. Health care/educa tion experience preferred. Send resume and letter to: LGHP, PO Box 3203, Durham. NC 27715-3203. __ (1329) DO OUR FRIENDS DIE BECAUSE OF OUR SILENCE? Human Rights Campaign Funds building a grassroots network. Politically-motivated, asser tive people needed to join field canvass staff. Make good money ($10-15 hour). Contact HRCF, PO Box 1723, Washington, DC 20013. Or call (202) 628-4160. _____(1400) Gardener for Triangle area daytily farm, 16-20 hours per week from May through July. Call Jim at (919) 929-8203 after 6 p.m. or leave message on machine. __(1354) ROOMMATES CHARLOTTE Looking for someone to share living expenses. Beautiful 3 bedroom home N.E. Charlotte. $300 per month plus half utilities. Please write, no phone yet. PO Box 560104, Charlotte, NC 28256 ____ ' (1307) DURHAM GWM, 28, seeks neat, responsible professional to share 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment, available June 1. Microwave, VCR. washer/dryer, etc. Convenient to 1-40 RTP. S300 per month plus half utilities. Respond to Roommate, PO Box 3465, Durham, NC 27702. ___ (1321) GREENSBORO GWM, 39, seeks professional with steady income to share a 3 bedroom house in q quiet, residential neighborhood near UNC-G. I am quiet, educated, and neat. The house is furnished except for your bedroom. Rent is S175.00 plus half utilities plus deposit. If you are educated, - responsible in sharing finances, a non-smoker, a social/non-drinker, appreciate classical music, and like pets (affectionate house beagle and cat), cafl(91d) 8529321. Available July 6. -(1287) DURHAM GWM, professional, quiet, bookish but definitely sociable, seeks considerate non-smoking male housemate, gay or straight, with no pet or pets to share comfortable 6-room house in north Durham. Business keeps owner out of town often, so housemate has a great deal of privacy, central heat/air; washer/dryer; dishwasher. $250 per month phis apportioned utilities. Available on or after May 25. Call (919) 291 1825 weekday evenings, after 9:30, or (919) 471 -3805 weekends. — --(1311) RALEIGH Young gay couple looking for a roommate m the Raleigh area. We are both dean, neat, trustworthy people. I am currently in the military and he got out last October. We want to relocate to the Raleigh area: me to pursue a CPA, he to go after a law degree. We wW be ready to move around mid-June. You can contact us by writing to Robert, PO Box 70612, Fort Bragg, NC 28307-0612. All replies win be answered after May 26 as we will be attending a wedding in Colorado. _' ■ (1340) CARR80R0 GWM, graduate student seeks responsible non smoking roommate to share 2 bedroom apartment Recreation facilities include weight room, clubhouse, pool, sauna, jacuzzi, tennis and volleyball courts. Rent is $178 per month plus half utilities. I am athletic, hardworking, neat, easy to get along with and seek a roommate with similar qualities. If interested write: PO Box 698, Carrboro, NC 27510. __ (1350) ASHEVILLE GWM responsible, mature -furnished room in large new house, prestige area, kitchen laundry family room privileges. One mile from town. $45 week. Charles B. (704) 251-9070. _(1293) RE RALEIGH WM, honest, quiet, responsible, seeks same to share 2 bedroom, 1 and halt bath condo. Friends over for dinner, VCR movies and small social groups is okay. No parties, pets or drugs. Amenities include pool, tennis, private parking, fireplace, microwave, washer/dryer and dish washer. Your room not furnished. $350 per month includes utilities. $150 deposit. Call 4:30 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. or leave message. (919) 783-7835. _____ (1379) RALEIGH Male to share 2 bedrooms with 2 males; Own bedroom, weekends apartment is yours. Between NCSU and downtown. Non-smoker, quiet, like pets and clean. $185 per month plus half utilities (local phone, hot/cold water free). Apartment is in old house. Call Sunday-Thursday evenings before 11 p.m. (919) 833-0013. __ (1339) RALEIGH Furnished room for rent in Glenwood/Brooklyn section of Raleigh in home owned by committed male couple. Kitchen privileges and laundry available. Share bath. Air conditioned, B&W TV, 1.5 miles from NCSU. $275 per month includes all utilities. References required. For more Information, please call (919) 833-0068. ------(1331) MLEWH GM seeking gay/straight persons) to share brick home. (Cameron Village area). Prefer non smoking, responsible individual who keeps late hours. No pets. S28S per month includes washer/dryer, dishwasher, fireplace, central air, gas heat. Split utilities (cheap). Rent $95 less if extra roommate added. Deposit required. Cal (919) 834-0912 day/night Leave message. _(1376) RALEIGH Young, professional GWM seeks same/student to share 3 bedroom, 2 bath home half mile from NCSU. $200 plus third utilities. Write: Todd, PO Box 50321. Raleigh. NC 27650-0321. _(1337) WM$TON-8ALEM Available immediately. Old Town area. Seeking 2 roommates to share large older home being restored House has 6 large bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, lots of living space, large patio and yard. $250 per month plus third share of utilities. Deposit preferred. Prefer stable, employed, professional, male/femaie, gay or straight who is also seeking dean, safe, Ihhng environment. Contact Robert (919) 767-4554. Shorter term is okay. Would also consider reduced rent in exchange for committing time to help with the repairs and fix up. _(1330) JACKSONVILLE, NC GBM, 29, professional seeks roommate to share 3 bedroom, 2 bath, washer/dryer, dishwasher, patio, garage, fireplace, ceiling fan, privacy. $200 per month plus utilities. Call Chris (919) 347-7565. Or write: Code 2058, in care of The FronlPage. .__(1342) TRIAD/HIGH POINT GWF, 25. seeks NEAT, honest, responsible student or young professional to share new 3 bedroom home in north High Point. Convenient location off 68 near l-40/Airport exit. Bedroom partially furnished. Washer/dryer. Quiet neigh borhood. Some room for storage. Must be discreet/trustworthy $375 per month includes all utilities AND groceries: excludes phone. This price negotiable depending on how much you eat! $100 deposit for phone. Payable weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly. Available June 1st. Respond with details to: L.C., 604 Burguss Rd, High Point NC 27260. _ (1-158) CHARLOTTE Roommate needed to share small 3 bedroom 2 bath house with W/M. Fireplace, private fenced patio, nicely furnished. $200 plus half utilities: Call after 6:00 anytime on weekends. (704) 597-9372 __:_(1370) LESBIANS Am I looking in the wrong place or what? My name is Debbie, I'm 31 years old, 5'5*. and weight 100 lbs. My hair is bfown and have blue eyes and seek to meet a nice lady. Looking for someone that is not a drug user, but a social drinker is all right. If you think you would like to meet me, just reply with photo. I will answer you back with more details. Please, only the honest answer this ad. Thank you. write to: Debbie, Route 4, Box 343, China Grove. NC 28023. _(1386) GWF, 19, mature, honest, sensitive, affectionate, gray-eyed brunette seeks friendship and possibly more with the right person (18-35). FORTUNES ARIES (March 21 — April 20) The battle with any real and imaginary demons can be won quite simply. Let them go. Wave goodbye. Arriverderci. Farewell. It's as easy to get attached to negative forces as it is to positive ones. Get it over with. TAURUS (April 21 - May 20) When someone says ‘‘pimp” don’t ask how far. TeH them to jump along with you. Doing it together is the name of the June song. And a rather dominating partner will enjoy this new melody of love. 6EMINI (May 21 — Jana 21) You've got the whole world in your hands. Consider the possibilities. Your present, thoughtful, intuitive, expansive, loving nature makes you the man or woman of the month. Learn from this special, positive phase. Let it alter the direction of your life. CANCER (Jaaa 22 — July 22) Listen. Don't judge, or appraise, or recommend. Just listen. Someone close to you needs to tell you something. You may have to hear between the lines to learn what it is that they’re trying to teR you. LEO (July 23—August 22) See what tomorrow brings. An event in your present, daily life forces you to take a close and careful look at what the future offers and how you can affect that offering. The third through the sixth of the month bring great emotional satisfaction. VIRGO (August 23 — September 22) No matter how shy and retiring you may be (and few Virgoes are. to any great degree), you're going to have to be very aggressive. This situation involving your proper place in the scheme of things cries out for action. LIBRA (September 23 — October 22) "Get your coat and grab your hat. Leave your worries on the doorstep." Get out of town. See what some previously unseen part of the world has to offer. Take time out from the rat race... "on the sunny side of the street.” SCORPIO (October 23 — November 21) Many Scorpios are now experiencing a genuinely profound change in their lives. The past is gone. The future is elsewhere. What rings various Scorpios into the present varies, but here is where you are. You're too much, in a wonderful way. SAGITTARIUS (November 22 — December 21) Decisions, decisions. Aren't you truly glad and thankful that one close to you is right there to help with both the essentials and the details. Any ambivalence about asking for what you need should be squelched. CAPRICORN (December 22 — January 19) A Taurus could tell you what you want to hear, a Cancer challenge you in an interesting way, and a Scorpio could move you, really move you. All sorts of people are affecting your life in all sorts of ways. Fascination. AQUARIUS (January 20 — February 18) Be playful. Be sporting. BE young, no matter what age you are. It's in the sign of the water bearer that June is really busting out aD over. Your games could be mental or physical, or better yet, both. PISCES (February 19 — March 20) Your private, personal, and inner life is quite different from your public, out in the world life. Bringing the two you’s together in a new kind of way could prove to be one of the best things you do all year. Take a chance. Tired of head games and being emotionally toyed with Interested include sports, dancing, reading, writing poetry, romantic dinners, and quiet times. Social drinker, no drugs If interested, write: Miss S , 2216 Panola St., Tarboro, NC 27886 All letters with photo answered. -(1375) Busy, career-oriented gay woman in Greenville. NC area, would like to meet other gay women in their late twenties and up for friendship. Please reply to Friends. PO Box 2572, Greenville, NC 27836 -(1287) NEWCOMER TO TRIANGLE AREA GWF — Professional, attractive, green-eyed blonde, who has recently relocated from the mid-west. Looking to establish new circle of professional (37-45) friends Enjoy sports, music, the arts, and travel. Seeking to find fun loving, honest, and dependable women who share common interests Photo/letter/phone appreciated PO Box 98513, Raleigh. NC 27624-8513 ---(1072) BISEXUALS Straight but dominant WMM, age 47. seeks all submissives You will be bed, teased and forced to endure prolonged sexual torment. Write with fantasy, photo and phone. PO Box 220951 Charlotte. NC 28222. -(1301) Model/Escort type desired tor Charlotte weekdays Qualifications: thin muscular build, big dick, 18-28.1 am 42. 6'. 185 lbs , married bisexual Phone, revealing photo to: T.J.R., PO Box 11390-151B, Charlotte. NC 28220. ---(1315) Glenwood Proudly Presents From Ft Lauderdale, Florida 11:00 pm and Midnight Members: $2.00—Guests: $4.00 Hostess & MC, MissTracy Adams 1622 Glenwood Avenue Raleigh, North Carolina832-9082 riAu.-A -xy/ys Qlenwood Vark ^?^A77V7^7A7X7X:
The Front Page (Raleigh, N.C.)
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June 6, 1989, edition 1
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