"FHE CEHTRAL- TIMES- '
E. F. YOUNG, Manager.
"LIVE AND IliET HitV"E."
G. K, GRANTHAM, Local Editor.
VOLUME-!
tThc -Central intern
Published Every Thursday
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ALLIANCE.
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CHURCH DIRECTORY.
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1 tvi.ii:. J'iiariTfs Iltinii, Jii-i is ndiy in jii t
p-i. I l;ii i!i'ij;iy niirl.t. Swinliy S-!n-l
'. i .-it:il;t . :. t .' !:'. Vr.i cr M i f t i n
rtcry V"t!iu-l-iy night. irnc'i'M'Inpet, 1-J
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Vi uyi r i ict tin!; t-vt-ry Tin' rsilay uiht.
""'"""'- IIka. G. A. IIoo.ii, Pasi j :.
f t r i- s n:'ry 1st Siin lay Piorn ; lr,' .! il l n iir i i ; -S-p
i i v Si tvtTV S!ii;il-v i-i-.Tiiii v.t
".v,v: Km. f. It. Ti.votr. I'Asron.
S-i v'i t . ry :iril Sumln y JriuM'.injr hi1 i:ilit.
; iii!; Si IiooI L';:hii c'l 'ofVc every Siimlay.
I'r.t'ir iiif-c i iifj c wry TinirffLiy irKi.
v.- nv; ;.(j;'i'.t,'-Rrv. 1!. A Joiinsov,'
I'ASTnit. S r ii f. evr ry .'rl Suniliiy. Siu:-
':tv '.-"'.iii.i.l ( i ry Sun. In j liiomiiip.
LODGE DIRECTORY.
Imi,.' I.or-i.i No. li.", I. o . F. -K--i
iil:ir iiH !i:iir every Ttie-Ja v iiijrht. I". V.
.I n .-. N. ;.. I. W. T;iy..r. V. ; , i. K.
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K'.'MVIiA l.OV'iT. No. U7, A. I , a A. M.
l; L!i!r nit ( It:t. :;rlnturilnv lnoriiinc: iii-d
r r I i y ni?i,t l t..r(; I t S'ln.liiv. J. W.
Tjl. r, W. M.. V.V. J..mf., S. W., .1. L.
I'!ii!i:f s. .1. V.. A. .Joliiis.ni, Trc.i.s;irer, S.
. Kid li r. Svrr(ary; V. A. .loh i.snii nml
I i.i-'. Mfu:in; 11. J. Norris, Ty!er.
Washington is the only city of a
vi ijjci of a million inhabitants, in the
Fiji'-j that- hi- no factory giri. The
IfCk of
t rt'rpri?(.s 'reduces the working women
t'i a mirimiim . , A fc.v are. rmployccl in
V t n i I stores, ii'iotographic ga'.leries and
i riva'e ofilres,, but the majority who
rrira their liviur are in politics. An
f.tber novelty the total absence of tene
ment home life Even the poorest little
K'!r reu raaturr.y Las a house of her own,
wh?rs sh? reigns tiueen of the castle and
high pric-tess of her daughter's children.
Acccrdiug to a writer in the yation,
nifnibers of the Mafia, the Italian secret
society, have a playful manuer of "indi
rating to the friends of one of their vic
tims the wherefore of his removal.. If
be has ovahcr.fd th-i secrets of the so
riety, his ears are cut oil; if he has seen
rc.re than it is safe for one man to see,
the skin of hi? forehead is Caved and
turned do-vn over his eyes; or if he has
inj-ired one of the Manosi, a hand is cut
o3. Th'e?e mutilations do not hurt the
vieti n, who is deal beb-re they are in
flicted, but they convey a lesson that h
ifldom lost on t-is urviTiq; relatives.
It is an open secret, a??erts the New
Voik Tiw. thrd the United States, dur
ing th? riceai" wr in lUiti, t'arew the
weight .f its ranral s ipnort with the
liippolyte fattio-a, by rnOT of aa im.
plieJ if not cpreal asvaraics' that, if
victorious Mole St. Nh'oljs would be
r-ncd to the Unite ! States. IV.,t cverv
r-p? fa:ni!i":.r with the Haitian character,"'
nid a -nn the other day who has' had
f.-visidenhlf. PS;1orif ace in ' that land,
"anticipated the; difficulties which Ad
vo.ral (Iherrdi rncountercd in his m
tfTectuut attempt . to conclude nc-oti-Btioos
for the ruling station. It h a
inti. sarins tin a poMtician of the
Uayt.an Hep-iblicis perfidious and tim
Irving. The natives have, however
n almost .urrstitsou, reverence for
probity. In ;i cemetery iQ the northern
port.cn of too island is the grave of a
Cabinet Minister, and over it is h monu.
ment inscribed with naught but the
name.atfl appreciative sentence: He
was honest.' Sublimely, simn'e enitaph
in which i n-n,,.; .... .. ' . '
" J- ' t;ti :a;vH Virtue
Ui tuat tioud-d lau(il':
"NOT AS 1 WILL"
BliodfcHeJ and alone I stand "
Yith unknow n threshoiis oa each ban
The darkness deeptns as I grope.
Afraid to fear, afraid to hope;
Yet this one tbicg I learn to knor?
Each day more surely as I go,
Th .1 docri are opsned, ways are raai?, ;
Burdens are IiftaJ or are laid
Ey borne great law uuse&ii and still
Uufathomed purpose to falflll,- v
41 Not as I ;
Blindfolded end alone I wait: f,.
Jx?s fems too bitter, gain to -j late;
Too hea vy burdens in the loa J.
And joy is weak and grjef i? strong,
An1 years and days so lonr, so long:- V "
Y'et tLis one thiss I learn to kuo"
Each day mere sureiy as I go.
That I am glad the gool end ill
By changeless law are ordered still,
'Not as I will.'
"Not as I wjil;' the sound grows swest
Each time my lips the words repeat.
"Not as I will" the darkness feels
More safe than light whsn this thought steals
Like whispered voice to calm and bless
All uurest and loneliness.
" Net as I wiir because the One
Who loveJ us first and best has gono
Before us on the road, and ttiil
For us must all His love fulfill
"Not as we will.
Helen Hunt Jack&ox.
IIERMME.
riV MACV E. MOFFAT.
The master of Briar Hcdge Farm stood
thoughtfully apart from the place where
his young cousin was laving his face and
hands at tho hydrant, which had been
placed in the summer kitchen for ths
convenience of the men ia tlie busy sea
son.' trome unpleasant thing had happened,
or Guy Fellows's frank face would not
have worn such a perplexed, uneasy
look. At last he said, quietly :
"I wish to speak to you, Lcuis.''
'Yes, Guy, ' answered Louis, in a
startled voice; for Guy's manner was so
unlike his usual one that it foreboded
trouble of some kind, though what it
could be was a puzz!e. Had I13 hurt
himself? or had his pet colt gone lame?
'Something unpleasant has happened.
Ilenuione's bank-book is gone, anel they
tell me, at the bank, that the money
was drawn yesterday by a man who had
an order purporting to be- signed by
ice."'
;Either the officials at the bank are
very careless, or the handwriting must
have been a good imitation. Banks
can't be much protection to the people
depositing in them, if it is so easy to
get another person's money out. It
strikes me I won't patronize them much
whea" my ship comes in."
''Forgery is difficult to be guarded
against, Louis,and the Dame appended to
the order is such a perfect facsimile of my
autograph that I myself coulcj not detect
the dillercnce. Is this your work?"
As Louis looked .it the page of foolscap
which was held toward him, and which
was scribbled over with various names,
among which was that of Guy FeHows,
he first turn red and then pale. For
Lojis was very expert with his pen, and
was always coppying specimens of
peculiar handwriting Avhich fell in his
way.
"Yes, it is mine,"' he said, with a
brave effort to tell the truth, no matter
what might be the consequences. For
like a lightning flash he realized what
danger was hanging over him a worse
one than was the fabled sword which
had threatened Damocles in olden time,
for that only menaced life, and this, at
what did it not strike a blow? For an
instant he stood as though dazed, look
ing blankly into Guy Fellows's troubled
face, then he threw himself impulsively
upon his knees before him.
I see now. It looks badly, Cousin
Guy, but don't -judge me by appearances
judge me by what you know of me
since, we have been together.' Do you
think any one who knew her would
have a hanel in robbing Hermoine? No,
not even if he were an accomplished
thief, far less a man whose only wealth
lies in his good name'.'
"I Leiievc you, Louis, even in the
fare of evidence which would convict
Jcu in a court of justice. I have felt all
along that you were innocent; and, see
here."1
As Guy Fellows spoke he held up the
paper which had been given as an order
for the money, and let Louis compare the
brief form signed with his name with
the practice-sheet which he had ac
knowledged as his work. Then he turned
and lifting a lid from the cook-stove, put
the dangerous document in and watched
it catch lire and then bura to ashes.
Guy Fellows, although scarcely thirty
five, had already come into a tine inher
itance by the death of his father. He was
a practical farmer, and also Avhat some
people consider a visionary one. That
is, he was always trying any new experi
ment which might commend itself as an
improvement upon old-fashicned,ways.
Louis Carmichael was a second cousin,
who had been taken under his protec
tion after the death of his parents. lie
had been with hirnnov about four years,
and although somewhat dreamy and un
practical, had grown very dear to his
generous kinsman.
Another inmate of the family was
Hermoine Alleync, the orphan ward of
Guy Fellows. She was two years
younger than Louis, but looked to be
his equal in age, as he was slender and
boyish-looking', while Hermione was of
tall and stately proportions. But her
playful ways, and merry, laughing face
vcre still essentially child-like.
In his secret heart Louis cherished the
the hope that, some time in the far
future, he might win her love, when he
should have attained to fortune and
fame. But Hermione was quite an
heiress - for a country-bred girl, and he
was too prond to kt her know of his
( love unless he could meet her upou equal
ground.
Now, had Guy leen less noble in his
trusting generosity, Louis would have
becij crushed to tb.y aw Hi with shame.
DUNN, HARNETT CO., N. 0., THURSDAY.
As it was, it caused him to elevate his
cousin into the hero of his life, and
determine to repay him.
It was quite a long time before he had
the desired chance, but it came at last.
Guy, although wealthy, did not disdain
to put his own shoulder to the wheel
day after day and set his men a good ex
ample. None could lay a more regular
swath of grass with the" sickle in mow
ing time. No one could cut or bind
the ranks of grain with more rapidity
than he. It was before "the time when
mowing and reaping machines took all
the poetry out of harvesting, and Her
mione was fond of making a visit to the
scene of labor about luncheon time,
carrying with her a pitcher brimming
over -vrith a cooling, non-stimulating
beverage with which to quench the men's
thirst.
Then, book in band, she would seat
herself under the shade of some-friendly
tree, and alternately read or note the
movements of the actors w the busy
scene before her.
One day in the height of the harvesting
one of the men fell "ill, and it chanced
that stranger came to the place and
asked to be employed about the farm.
He was a dark, unprepossessing man,
with restles?, uneasy ways and lowering,
stealthy looks from his deep-set eyes;
but Guy cugaged him, thiukmg only of
the inconvenience of being short-handed
at the time.
After they had all set off for the fields
a man drove up to the farm-house in hot
haste, asking if a person of the stranger's
description had been seen there; and
upoa receiving a reply in the affirmative
he looked very much startled, and caused
Hermione's blood to turn cold ia her
veins Itj explaining the cause of the un
easiness. 'He is an escaped lunatic, and nearly
killed his keeper to make his way out of
the mad-house. If his frenzy seizes upon
him be will make a bloody record for
himself before the day is over. Is any
one here who can go and warn Mr. Fel
lows? It won't answer for me to be
seen by him. lie knows me and it
would set him frantic to know that he
has been followed. The only safety Iie3
iu not arousing his suspicious until a
strait-jacket cau be put upon him."
"I will go, "said Hermione, unhesitat
ingly. "I would do anything to prevent
such a tragedy !"
'Take this with you and give it to
Mr. Fellows. It is a strait-jacket.
Whisper the truth about the man to him,
and tell him to . watch his opportunity
and take him by surprise."
She reached the place, and catching
her guardian's eye, motioned him to
come to her; and, in a few frightened
whispers, ' told him the danger that
threatened him.
Some instinct must have attracted the
lunatic's attention and conveed to his
mind the idea that they were speaking
of him; for, with a wild cry, he banished
the scythe he held in his hand with
threatening gestures and shouts of fren
zied f jry. Then he started toward them.
Louis had stopped work a moment
previous, and was about half-way be
tween his cousin and the madman. Look
ing up, 1 upon hearing the discordant
yells, he saw at once that Guy's life was
in danger, and, throwing himself direct
ly in front of the madman, caught him
about the waist and clung to him, mak
ing himself as much of a deadweight as
possible. The swinging scythe described
a mad circle in the air, and theu it
descended upon Louis, giving him a fear
ful cut in the side. Bdt by this time others
had reached them, and the lunatic was
overpowered by numbers and secured.
Louis, however, lay like one dead
prostrated by the shock, and with the
blood pouring from his ghastly wound.
Unless it could be stanched at once he
must bleed to death; but where were tho
dloths to apply to it before a messenger
could' be sent to the farm-house?
This qucstoa was soon answered.
Hermione was dressed in a dainty gown
of embroidered white linen, with a man
tle of the same material ovtr her shoulders.-
She tore this in pieces, and,
kneeling by him, applied one after an
other to his wound as each in turn be
came wet with blood. Her white hands
were colored crimson, and her dross was
spotted with the 'same ensanguined hue ;
but she faltered not. She who had al
ways before felt faint, even at the sight
of blood, now unflinchingly played the
part'of surgeon until more skilled help
could arrive."
In these terrible moments Hermione
first learned her heart's secret. Without
Louis the whole world would henceforth
be as nothing to her
For long days afterward the youth's
life trembfed in the balance, but at last
his naturally strong constitution
triumphed and he began to mend. Guy
and Hermione were rarely absent from
his bedside, and one day Louis surprised
them by saying with a faltering voice,
while his pale lips parted in a half
smile:
. "Cousin Guy, we are even. One good
turn deserves another. You saved my
reputation, and I rather think you would
have been a dead man now if it hada't
been for me. It's worth one's while to
earn a fellow's gratitude, hn't it?"
'What does he mean? Is his mind
wandering?" asked Hermione, looking
from one to the other with surprised
eyes.
" "He is thinking of the bank book you
lost, Hermione. He was afraid I would
connect hira with the forgery on account
of his fancy for copying signatures.".
What a silly boy ! I would as soon
I imagine an anirel from heaven could do
1 -
such a thing as you Louis! and Her
mione took- his poor, pale hand and
kissed it, bright tears falling upon it as
she did so, in spite of her efforts at self
control. "And I am sure Cousin Guy
never once thought of it, did you?"
turning almost fiercely toward her
guardian. "If you did I would never
forgive you!"
Guy smiled. Her indignation was so
childistdy impulsive that it took away
the sting of her words. Then, too, he
did not deserve it.
"Gently, Hermione," he said, "or
you Uiay . hurt Louis's fccliDga. You
won't hear Cousin Guy scolded, will yon.
boy?"
But Louis made no, answer. He was
for the moment oblivious of the presence
or even of the existence of any one but
Hermione. Her agitation, had betrayed
her secret to him, and he was so exult
antly, recklessly happy that he recked
not of anything outside of the one bliss
ful fact that his love was returned by
Hermione.
"I see. 'Tis the old. old story." said
Guy, gravely but kindly; and he took
Hermione's hand and placed it within
Louis's, "and I will now leave you alone
to sottic matters between you, merely
saying to you, Louis, that the Upland
farm is yours, and that I shall secure to
you the funds with which to carry it on
successfully. As you said, a little while
ago, One good turn deserves another.'
and I thus prove tbeHnith of the adage.
You proved it previously in what was
almost your death."
As soon as Louis was fully recovered,
he and Hermoine were married.
It was not until several years later that
the truth about the lost bank-book came
out. It had been left carelessly upon
the library table, and a thief who had
gained unobserved entrance to the
house had stolen it, and at the same
time had picked up one of Louis's
practice-papers, thinking that it would
serve to aid him in drawing the money,
as he had a confederate who was handy
enough with his pen to take advantage
cf the fac-simile to Guy Fellows's hand
writing. FaiMon Bazar.
"The Silent Dane."
In his early mauhood Moltke was
called "The Silent Dane," and later he
wa3 popularly known as "The Great
Taciturn;" yet he could speak seven
languages fluently. Although one of the
world's prof oundest and sternest soldiers,
he was one of the most modest and affec
tionate of men. ' Occasionally one might
see him in Berlin driving in a plain cab,
or sauntering along a principal street
looking In at the shop windows, but few
recognized him. He was as regular as
the suu iu his uaily tasks; and even in
the lighter employments ol his long life
he was ever painstaking and methodical.
Out ofih'ese traits grew, withal, his fine
literary ability, that, besides his pub
lished letters, produced several valuable
military histories.
The crowning honor of his life was
the way Germany celebrated the comple
tion of his ninetieth year. From the
Baltic to the Alps, from the Vosges to
the Vistula, every household joined in
the great jubilee, hung out the national
colors and likenesses of Moltke in flags
and torches. Berlin was decorated and
enthusiastic a3 it had never before been
for any private citizen. Germans
throughout the world set apart October
2o, 1639, as a fete day for the Vater- ,
land, and a day of praises and congratu
lations for her greatest soldier. The
grim old Field Marshal was taciturn, al
most by necessity, being nearly smoth
ered by honors and rich presents; but
when the city fathers of Eerlin 6ent him
their greetings, accompanied by the
sum of fifty thousand marks as a charity
fund for the relief of the aged and in- .
firm, he replied: "Gentlemen, say to
your Council that this gift touches my
heart, and that of the many and rich
presents I have received to-day, this is
the most valued." When, since the
death of Washington, has the world seen
a more modest, complete, successful and
noble life? Harper s Weekly.
Tiie Reward of Sagacity.
One of the stories they tell of "Old
Hutch," the grain speculator, to illustrate
his sagacity in discovering pecuniary
opportunities is this: He noticed the
windows of a big carpet store decorated
with placards stating that prices were re
duced, as the whole stock of the con
cern was to be closed out. Struck with
a sudden idea he went in, asked the
price of several lines of goodsj the
quantities in stock and the original prices. .
Having indeed gone practically through
the place he. sent for the heads of the
firm and coolly made them a lump, sum,
offer for the whole stock, good-will and
fixtures of the concern. The bid was
accepted, and "Old Hutch", at once gave
his check. Then, without leaving the
place, he sent for a relative, who, by the
way, wa3 ia another line of trade, and
informed him that he wanted him to
take charge of his new acquisition and
run it, adding: "At the prices I paid
there is money in it." Events proved
the correctness of Hutchinson sjudgment,
and the business so summarily purchased
is still in successful operation.
Sheep's Wool Sponge. '
There is on exhibition at a store in
Pearl street, New York, an enormous
sheep's wool sponge, which is said to be
the largest one ever obtained. It meas
ures ten feet in circumference end is two
feet thick, being quite solid throughout.
It was fished up near the .Bahama Islands
by the crew of a vessel engaged in that
trade, and, judging by the stories of the
fishermen, they had a tough tbxe in get
ting their prize aboard. . Being in a
small dingey when the hooks fastened
themselves in the sponge, the men nearly
upset their boat in the effort to haul the
sponge to the surface. When it was
finally secured, the iron prongs of the
hook had become straightened out un
der the tremendous weight. When thor
oughly soaked this monstet sponge is said
to hold ten pailful of water. Timet
Democrat i
Laud Sold by Fractions of Inches.
It is a rare thing that the fractional
part of an inch of a piece of grouud is
conveyed by r. separate deed. Ia re
copying one of the old books of the first
series such a deed was found, says the
Cincinnati Enquirer. It was made out
in 1SS2 by Arthur St. Clair. The con
veyance reads: "The 1-1000 pt. of an
inch from the n. c. cor. of lot No. 23,
and running souths of an in.; thence
w. to the back line of said lot; thence n.
of an inch; thence e. to pt. of begin
ning. Bought by G. W. Jonr?."' The
cost of the dwarf v piece is put down at
1 $2.25.
MAY 21, 1891.
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE
STOHUS THAT ABE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY JCEN OF THE PRESS.
7 ,
Don't "Worry Not an Extinct Race
Another Kindot Vehicle Spite
A Good Reason, Etc., Etc.
Of trouble we must bear our part,
The wealthy and the poor;
j Who has the srip and loses heart
His grip is losing, sure.
New Tork Frets.
ANOTHER KDtD OF VEHICLE.
'Did he leave in a coupe?" asked the
judge of an amusing witness.
"No, your honor. He left in a huff,"
was the unexpected answer. Detroit
Free Preu.
A GOOD REASON.
Customer "Your ten-cent shine isn't
as good as your five cent one."
Bootblack "I know it, sir; that's the
reason I charge more. They injure my
reputation."
KOT AX EXTINCT ' RACE.
Teacher "Johnny, who was the prodi
gal son?"
Johnny "Oh, that was tho fellow
who went away a dude and came back
a-tramp." Pud.
HARD THrXGS TO
"Did you hear that
GUESS.
Lynccdo had
painted a orize picture?"
"No,"
"True. It's to be given as a prizo to
any one who guesse3 what it's about."
Philadelphia Times. '
"ENGLISH A3 SttE IS SPOSE.
"Did you call on the Jamisons
last
evening?" '
"Yes."
"How did you find them?"
"Easily enough; I've been there be
fore." Kate Field s Washington.
. '
A SAD VIEW OF IT.
Gilhooly "This world is full of mis
ery. The happiest man is the one who
is never born."
Ilostetter McGinni3 "Yes, but there
isn't one in 1 a million that lun 6uch a
streak of luck." Texas Si flings.
CUriD CKDER ARREST.
Mr. Putliam (about to propose) "Miss
Sanford, I am now going to say what I
wanted to say an hour ago. Can you not
guess from my eyes what it is?"
Miss ; Sanford'' ;Do yon mean
gOOd
night?'
You look sleepy. E
poca .
PERILS OF TnE STREET.
"What is the mattei?" asked Mrs.
Mundy, poking her head out of her flat
window and addressing tho policeman.
"Matter enough," said he. "A piece
of your angel cake fell on a man's head
and we're waiting for 'the ambulance."
-New York Sun.
MIGnT OBJECT.
Maud ".This book on 'health'-says
young girls who wish to have bright
eyes and rosy cheeks should take a tramp
through the woods each morning before
breakfast.".)
Gladys ffSuppose the tramp should
object." New York Herald.
A SURE SOURCE OF INFORMATION.
Wool 'Bronson has gotten himself
into a nice scrape; taken a contract to
build a sewer, and doesn't know the first
thing about the work."
Van Pelt "That's no matter; the
loafers will who will hang around will
tell him how it should be done."
SPITE.
George "Miss Courtney, the ghl I
used to call on before we were engaged,
will sit behind us at the theatre to
night." , Ethel "Will she? Just wait a minute ;
I think my,: high hat is more becoming
than this toque.'' 'Munsey's Weekly.
DREAMS VS. NIGHTMARES.
She "Oh, by the way, Mr. Softhed,I
dreamed of you last night."
He (complimented) "How good of
you ! (fishing for more) what could have
made you dream of me.'"
She "Oh", it was that lobster salad,
I'm sure; it never does agree with me at
night."
A FALLACIOUS FIGURE OF SPEECH.
Hardtack-"How - are you getting
alone with, vour new clerk? Is he a
1 good man?" . ; ' '
Clambake "He works like a charm
Did your ever see a charm work?"
Hardtack "I never did."
Clambake "Well, that's him."
America. TAKING NO itlSKS.
-"I expect you to pay in
Waiter
ad-
vance.
Guest "What do you mean, sir?"
- Waiter "No offense, sir, whatever;
but the last gentleman who ate fish here
got a bone in his throat and died with
out paying, and thH5bss took it out of
mv wages." Chielaco yeves.
HE WAS OUT OF ORDER.
Teacher ?Kcep your hand
down,
John Bilungs:
when I am ready, I will
call upon you."
(Ten minutes later.)
"Now John Billings, J will hear what
you have to say."
John Billings "I only wanted to tell
yer thaf I seed a tramp in der hallway
book your gold headed umbrella." Jevc
elert Circular.
WIUJN A WOXAS IS SILENT.
Charlie Knickerbocker "What talk
ers women are! They never give a man
a chance to get in a word edgewise."
Mr. Bondclipper "Oa, yes they do."
Knickerbocker "Whea, for in
stance?" Bondclipper "When they see atellow
is trying to propose. They don't inter
rupt hiru then, if he is rich, until he has
committed himself." Tata Siftings.
A PALPABLE SWrjTDLP.
Mr. Thrifty "Doctor, I don't think
much of that cough medicine of yours."
Dr,. Curera "I ata Tery sorry to hear
that. What is the reason?"
Thrifty "Why there is so much of U
dead waste."
Curem "Dead waste?"
Thrifty "Yes; I hadn't taken moro
than a quarter of a bottle whea I was alk
over my cough, and there is the other
three quarters just thrown away." Bot
ton Courier.
HIGH AMD LOW LIFE.
Society Youth " Sav, Jack, can't
you lend me $5? I've got to take a lady
to the opera to night."
Poor Clerk "Yes, George, I can; but
you received a check . from your father
this morning. Where's that?"
S. Y. "Well, the fact is, I stepped
into iny tailor's to get a necktie and
hadn't anything but the check with'me,
and the rascal, instead of handing me the
change, gave me a receipt for balance
due."- Good Keict.
A WILT TOUT It.
"I'm to have my photoiiranh taken
to-dav," she said.
"Indeed," he replied.
11
May I
beg
you
ono when it is completed?"
"On, I couldn't think
have one."
of letting
"Well," ho said, resignedly, "I'nl
sorry." Then he added: "Thero is one
thing the photographer won't need to do
when he is taking your picture."
"What ia that?"
"He won't need to tell you to look,,
pleasant, for j'ou always look pleasant."
"Perhaps I may be ablo to spare you.
one," shcsaid after a pause. Xco York
Prets.
' FIVE CENTS WORTH OF FUN.
"You ought to get five cents' worth of
chloride of lime." ' ' .
"WKat for?"
"For a nickel.
The above was passed around freely
among a number of St. Paul citizens and
wns in each case recognized 3 a practi
cal joke of considerable merit. Acting
upoa tho suggestion, a promineut mer
chant of this city determined to work it
off on his book-keeper with an original
variation. So he said:
"You ought to get five cents' worth of
potash."
Contrary to the merchant's expecta
tions the taciturn book-keeper meekly
bowed his head and went oa footing his
trial balance, while his employer retired
discomfited. The next morning he re
ceived a note from his book-keeper to.
this effect:
"I took" the five cents' worth of potash
aud I am sick as a horse." St. Paul
Pioneer Press.
A NAPOLEON OF FINANCE.
Withers had been talking about eighty
cent dollars for some time.
"As I understand you," said Jimson,
"a dollar to-day is worth eighty cents?"
"Precisely," leturned Witheu.
"Then, owing you" one hundred dol
lars, as I do, I, in reality, owe you one
hundred times eighty cents, or eighty
dollars."
"Well," began Withers, "you er
well4 yes. For the sake of my point,
eighty dollars is the value of my claim
against you." ,
"Good!.' ejaculated Jimson, counting
out some money. "There's your cash.
Now give me a receipt."
"But there' only sixty-four dollars
here," said Vmthers.
' "No ; there are eighty times eighty
cents or eighty dollars, which, as you
just said, is the value of your claim.
That's sixty-four dollars. Receipt,
please."
And then Withers fainted. Puc!c.
" Woodman, Sparc That Tree,''
The United States has always been
looked upon as "wooden country," but
its 'ligneous resources are not intxbauti
ble, and if the Commissioner ofj Public
Lands is to be believed, there is a pros
pect of a serious lack of timber in this
country. The lumbermen on our north
eastern border have made tremendous
havoc with the forests of that region, and
in the West immense forests of woodland
tracts have been literally deforested with
in the last twenty-five years. The hew
ing down is continuous, and there is not
"enough planting done to counterbalance
the deforestation. Agriculture demands
the sites of the ancient woods for her
harvest fields, but neglects to drop the
acorn and the nut or to plant the sapling
in localities which are fitted for the pro-"
duction of trees, ffad for nothing else.
There are countless acres in the North
west which are almost entirely bare of
sylvan vegetation, and the GoVernmeat
surveyors should see to it that a course
of systematic planting be forthwith init
iated there. Forests are essential to
agriculture, for they promote irrigation.
The streams of a section of country that
has been shorn of its timber inevitably
dwindle or dry up. Nature has- bceti
wonderfully bountiful to the eoil, but
we are terrible spendthrifts, and waste
her most bountiful gifts shamefully. - Let
settlers on new lands and farmers every
where follow the example set in certain
parts of the West, and as they cut down
one forest plant the germ? of another.
I Otherwise even in this generation, tim-
j ber will become comparatively scare and
; dear. Revo York Ledger.
A Unique IJaok for a Queen.
Julian McNair W'riyht, the famous
novelist, formerly of London, bat now
of Fulton, 3Io., has had a copy of her
latest novel, "Fro Dagmar's Son," ele
gantly bo-tad as a present for the Qieea
Denmark. " If is finished in white
! corded silk, the title ia gold acrcse the
I front cover; the name of the authoress
j and the monogram of the National Teui
j perance Society at the back; edges fail
j gilt; cn back cover, Danish arm?, hand
j painted; under title, Danish flag, hand
' nainted; the whols folded in fringed
! blus silk, laid ia satin-lined box. It i
a perfect gem
both in the artistic and
j literary sense of the word.
NUMBER 13.
THESE ARE QUEER FEE
ODD SPECIMENS OF THE FINNY
TRIBE IN NEW TOES UAHKET.
"The Silver KinR" A IUU Thai
Sleeps on (he WaterThe Drum
Fish The Dade' of Fishes.
A great many new and odd fish occa
sionally come into Fulton Market. They
feast the eyes rather than the stomach.
Among them is the tarpon the prince of
the finny tribe in the tropic seas. He
wears a shining armor and so is called
"The Silver King.' His weight is sel
dom less than fifty pounds and some
times reaches 200. A small silver king
is four and one-half feet long, and some
stalwart specimens have been
caught
which measured six feet sis inches.
Not long since a silver klnz was dis
played on Commissioner Blackford's
stand ia Fulton Market, to the dismay
of people who tell fish stories. He
weighed 105 pounds and was almost six
feet in length. His body was enveloped
by an argent coat of mail made up of
brilliant scales. He looked like a fish
that had been ail vcr-plated. Ladies
came to get these scales to have them
set by jewelers, with a view of wearing
them as ornaments. Indeed t the fair
sex is wont to make this teUhetio use of
the glittering scales of this beauti(ul
fish, and to wear them as bangles, neck
laces and charms. The scales of the sil
ver king thus have' a commercial valu
and bring more than his flesh. n is
the only known fish that is worth moro
to war than to eat. Tho haunt of the
Silver king is the coast of Florida. At
present he, is the delight of the sports
man. ' ,
Another odd fish, sometimes brought
toFullon Market in a fi?hing smack, is the
"Jew fish." It is almost as big as a
young whale, and has a mouth as big as
a washtub. Some Of them weigh more
than 600 pounds. It ii yellow or amber
?n colos, and is mottled with dark brown
spots. Its lateral fins are larger than na
elephant's ears. At first sight it would
not seem to be good to eat. Yet this fish
is edible, when young is rich and well
flavored, like black bass. It is caught
off thc.coast of Florida and in the West
Indies. It has the peculiarity, unusual
in fish, of sometimes falling, into a doze
or falling asleep on the surface of the
water. On these occasions of somno
lence it is frequently shot like a duck
and thus captured. The largest one ever
brought to Fulton Market weighed 135
pounds.
A sub-tropical nsh which has become
very popular in New York in the past
few years is the pompano. It is caught
in the Gulf c-f Mexico and shipped from
Pensacola to tlm city. It favorite haunt
is the east coast , of Florida. Tho pom
pano is a delicious fish and tastes some
what like a Spanish mackeral. In explan
tion of this, it may be said that the fish
served in ordinary restaurants as Spanish
- mackeral is not Spanish mackeral at all,
but a venerable, moss-grown and tough
: species of fish sometimes facetiously
called "horse mackerel' The pompano
is very short and very fat. It has a
smooth skin and is a dark steel color.
The pompano as it flashes through the
waters of the Gulf of 3Iexico, shows sap
phire and emerald, and topaz and silver.
It is a deep-water fish and likes to keep .
near the bttm where it can feed on
shell-fii. .
1 A channel bass may now and then be
"seen in Fulton Market. It is a brilliant,
golden red in color, and is the iridescent,
dream of all the fish that swim. It is!
one of the many beautiful and brilliant
! fish that come from the sub-tropics. It?
is a good fish to eat, but it in like or
chids and roses, better for adorning the,
table. It is the Oscar Wilde of the funny
world, the courtier of the court of Nep
tune, the dandy of mermaids' grottoes..
An occasional visitor who comes to
Fulton Maiket to pay his compliments to
Fish Commissioner Blackford is the
crevalle. It rejoices in the picturesque!
names of Crevalle Jack, Yellow Jack and
Amber Jack. Its color is usually th
delicate amber of lager beer. It is a
little larger than the average pompano
and, like the latter, is a short, plump
fish.
The drum fish soraetme3 manages to
drum its way into the market. It some
times weighs,as much: as eighty pounds.'
Its forte is masic. A school or musical
academy of drum fi3h will sometimes
proceed up a river, drumming like a
New York drum corp, and leading the
fishermen to think that an invading
army is approaching. This drumming
is a peculiar noise which the fish makes
. under water. Arw York Journal.
Ifail iu Europe.
The record of injury from bail in
Wurtemberg for sixty years (1828-87)
has been investigated by Herr Buhler.
The yearly average of days with hail is
found to be thirteen, July having the
larcest number of any month and June
the next. VAbout 0.92 per cent, of the
cultivated land was affected, damage be
ing done Jo the extent of $600,000. Of
seventeen hail storm paths made out,
one very often taken is from Schcer to
Ulm on" the Danube, forty-five miles long
and ten wide. The paths are all con
nected with the configuration of the
ground. Slopes with a western exposure
suffer more than those with an , eastern,
while plains are much less, affected thau
hilly ground. .No evidence appears of
increase in the fall of hail in the course
of decades, and the much mentioned in
fluence of forests is not distinctly proven.
Trenton (X. J.) American.
Darwin Always Uodsred.
Darwin used to go into the Zoological
Gardens in London, and, standing by
the gkvs-case containing the cobra di
capello, put his forehead against the
glass while the cobra struck out at him.
The glass was between them; Darwin's
mind was peifcctly convinced as to the
inability of the snake to harm hivi't yet
he would always 'dodge. Time after
time he tried it. his will and reason
keeping him there, his instinct making
him dodge. The instinct was stronger
than both will and reason. 4waf
J