Newspapers / The Semi-Weekly Citizen (Asheville, … / June 16, 1892, edition 1 / Page 3
Part of The Semi-Weekly Citizen (Asheville, N.C.) / About this page
This page has errors
The date, title, or page description is wrong
This page has harmful content
This page contains sensitive or offensive material
THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, JUNE 16, 1892. CAPTURED AT SEA. HOW TEN FRENCH CONVICTS TOOK POSSESSION OF A BRIG. Sailing Five Hundred Miles with a Gang of Bloodthirsty Villains and a Narrow Escape from Death at "the End of the Voyage. Copyright. 1892, by Charles B. Lewis. The brig i a which I shipped to make a voyage from Jamaica to Pernambuco and return, calling at Georgetown en route, was called The Little Queen. She was a trim, new craft, just out from England, and was commanded by one of the oldest mariners I ever saw in active service. His name was Rothsay, an Englishman, and he was hale and hearty at seventy-two years of age. It may be recorded as a curi ous thing that he was the only English man aboard of an English craft. Both mates, cook and all foremast hands were Americans, and three of the men were Cape Codders. The explanation was that we hod been wrecked in a sugar vessel in the Caribbean sea and picked up and carried to Jamaica by a British steamer. There were nine of us all told as the brig left the island. Georgetown, as you will see by the map, is on the north coast of Brazil, in the state or province of Guiana. A strip of territory 800 miles long by 500 broad is divided up amongthe British, Dutch and French, and the two latter have established penal colo nies there. We reached Georgetown in due time and discharged a part of our cargo, and just as we were ready to sail we were notified that ten convicts from the French penal settlement of Cayenne had got away to sea in the yawl of a French merchantman. Little attention was paid to this notice, as such escapes were by no means rare, and when we began our run down the coast the incident passed out of our minds. ' One day at noon, when we were to the south of Cayenne and about forty miles off the coast, a man aloft dis covered a ship's boat about two miles away and heading down across our course. As she was standing in from seaward oar first impression was that she carried a shipwrecked crew. I hud just come on watch when the boat was reported. As soon as I leveled the glass at her I detected the clothing of French convicts ana counted an even ten men. The craft was under sail, but the breeze was light and the sea smooth. She was on our port quarter, and II we held on she would intercept us. As soon as the captain was notified of the discovery he ordered the brig kept off four or five points, and then called the -crew aft and notified them that if the con victs got aboard they would not hesitate at murder. Half a dozen muskets would have given us a powerful advantage, but there was not even a single barreled piB tol in the brig. If it came to a fight we could only arm ourselves with capstan bars and belaying pins. We had hones. however, of getting off without coming to close quarters. While the wmd was light. we had all sail on the brig, and there was no question but that we could outsail the yawL As soon as we shifted our helm the yawl raised a signal of distress and the convicts shouted in chorus. W,e paid no attention of course, und she swung into our wake about a quarter of a mile astern. They must have realized that we hod es tablished their identity, for half a dozen of them sprang up and shook their fists at us and roared like wild beasts. I got a plain view of the visages of three or four of the lot under the gloss, and more vil lainous countenances I never saw. We were rapidly leaving them behind and con gratulating ourselves on the fact, when the breeze began to puff and die, and in the course of a quarter of an hour it fell flat, When this occurred we heard a faint cheer from the convicts, and they shortly doused their sail and put over two pairs of "It seems that we have got to fight for It alter all," observed the captain after look through the glass. "Mr. Lenox, you will arm the crew and hold them up to tneir war. The boat can only board us at the bows. See that the cook has a, supply of hot water ready. Give every man to understand that be must light for his life." A quarter of au hour later the yawl lay on our port quarter within speaking dis - tance. Every man of the ten looked the villain. Only desperate men could have attacked and overpowered the guard and escaped as they did. There was neither a young nor an old lace among them, but all were middle aged men. Some were in fall convict uniform, while others had thrown away their jackets. Their leader was a short, stout man, so dark com plex ioned that he seemed to be a Spaniard, and as the boat drew near he stood np In the stem sheets and called out: "Hello, captain! Why you run away from poor, shipwrecked sailormenf Our hip go down off here to the east yester day afternoon." . "I know you!" shouted Captain Rothsay in reply. "You are escaped convicts from Cayenne. If you attempt to board us you 'will find us well prepared I". They could not know how well or how poorly armed we were, and we were nine to their ten. "Yes, captain, you speak truly," said the leader after a brief consultation with his men, "We are convicts . from Cayenne, but we are Innocent men. We do not wish to board yon, We have neither food nor drink, and we ask you in the name of humanity to supply us." , The captain consulted with me in regard to it. They must come alongside in order to receive supplies, and when they had once hooked on who could say what they might attempt? Besides,, we had little or nothing to spare. They had been afloat five or six days and none of. their faces ex hibited evidences of suffering. "I have nothing to spare, and I warn you to keep off!" shouted the captain in answer to the request. ';,',:;-?;:, We had seen no arms anions them, ami had supposed them to be without weapons or any sort, to our great surprise five muskets, taken from the guard when they escaped, were, suddenly lifted into view, while four oars dropped into the water and the yawi made for our bows. There was a fierce yell from every convict, and those - with muskets opened fire. Captain Roth say was killed and the second mate wound ed even before they had hooked on. We scalded them with boiling water and fought them with whatever we could lay 'hold of, but within five minutes the brig was captured. We had a foremast hand killed in the fight on deck, and none of as escaped injury. As an offset, we killed two of the convicts while they were trying to board. They had bayonets to their muskets, and it was either surrender or be killed. It is but justice to the fellows to say that they were not particularly blood thirsty, and that as soon as they were in possession of the brig their attitude became almost friendly. 'As chief officer I was anlip 1 about on r cargo and destination, and on tfie oihnr hand the leader informed me that they were sorry to interrupt our voy age, but intended to use the brig to make good their escape. The first thing was to get rid of the dead bodies. They allowed us to sew them in canvas before they went overboard, and then our wounded man was made comfort able. I fully expected that the lot? of us would be turned adrift in their boat, but they had other plans. There was not a sailor among them, and they were com pelled to keep us to navigate the brig. Af ter the burial the leader said to use "We mean you no harm. We are des perate men and mean to make our escape. After we have been landed in some safe place you may sail away with your brig. If you try to deceive us we will show you no mercy." I was further informed that 1 must net as captain and navigate the brig, and I was allowed.to choose a mate from among my men. After that a council was held among the eight as to what place should be steered for. I brought them the charts from the cabin, and after a long debate it was decided to run for the Amazon river, The brig had only a week's supply of water and provisions for so mony men, or they would perhaps have decided on the Ameri can coast. At 4 o'clock, just as they hud reached a decision, the wind breezed up, the yawl was taken aboard and I set the course for the big river, about 500 miles away. Just nt sunset we rose a British man-of-war going up the coast. The con victs identified her at once, and as we would pass each other within a mile there was cause for excitement. They had helped themselves to our spare clothing and thrown away their own suits, but there were too many men on our decks for a small brig. All but three were sent be low, and the leader of the gang said to me as he surveyed the approaching craft: You will show our colors and salute her. If she should hail us you know what to answer. You can betray us, but I will kill you if you do!" The man-of-war crossed our course a mile away, and 1 dipped the ensign to her. We were only a peaceful trailer in her eyes, and no one aboard gave us a second look or thought. "You did well," said the convict, who was called Moitui by his companions. "Deal honestly by us and we will by you." From the very first I had hoped that we might retake the brig, but the convicts would only trust us so far. The watches were so divided by order of Moran that our men were divided, and two of the convicts were kept under arms to act as sentries. Moran and the second mate had quarters aft with me, while all others berthed for ward. AH of us were under constant sur veillance, though decently treated, and no two of us were ever left alone together. If I had planned to run the brig into the port of Parnahyla. down the coast, or headed up for Cayenne, they would have been too sharp for me. While none of them could take the wheel, they kept constant watch on the compass. They knew tho course was south by west, and if the brig broke off a point they were quick to detect it. The winds were light and variable, and it was the sixth day after our capture be fore we drew in with the coast. Moruu orders were to avoid Para by entering the north mouth, and when we were fairly i the river he told me their plans. I was to take them in the brig up as far as, the mouth of the Xingu river, and they would then pull up the stream in the yawl and make for the diamond district. We were not above thirty miles into the river when we were obliged to come to anchor for the want of a breeze. I knew nothing what ever of the navigation of the stream, and had no chart of it, but Moran insisted that we should not take a pilot. About the time we anchored, the demeanor of the con victs seemed to change for the worse. They were very lordly In giving orders. and swaggered around in a fashion entirely new to them. It appeared also as if three or four of them were anxious to pick quarrel with our men. That evening the second mate found opportunity to say to me: Depend upon it, Mr. Lenox, they never meant to stand to the bargain. shouldn't be surprised if they were plan ning to cut our throats and scuttle the brig!" I strongly suspected them of some evil intention, but nothing came of it that night. Next morning we had wind and tide in our favor, and at noon, when we anchored again, we bad made twenty-five miles. Another twenty-five would take us to the mouth of the Xingu. Right away after dinner the yawl was lowered, and Moran began to outfit her. His manner to me was very brusque and quarrelsome, and I avoided him as much as possible. Whatever they thought could be made useful was placed in the boat, and tbey were rummaging about the whole after noon. At about 6 o'clock Moran ordered all the old crew of the brig into the cabin. Every man of -us at once realized that the climax was at hand, and acting in concert we made a sudden and furious attack. We got possession of two of the muskets and were making a good fight of it, though bound to be beaten in the end, when a Brazilian gunboat which was on her way np the river sheered alongside of us and had grappled on before some of us saw her. Her presenoe put an end to the fight, of course, we had two men wounded, while we had killed one convict and wounded a second, v Our captors were neatly trapped, but they no sooner realized it than tbey claim ed to be the real crew of the vessel and de nounced us as convicts. They were so earnest and emphatio in their declarations that the commander of the gunboat was almost convinced. I destroyed their case, however, when I asked them for the cap tain's name, our port of hail, the names of the different ' ropes and sails, etc. They were ironed ana taKen aboard the gun boat to be conveyed to Cayenne, while the brig was torved down to Para to be put through the legal forms necessary in such cases. The last time I saw Moran he said to me: - "Do yon think we would have been such fools as to let yon sail away with the brig? I meant to lock all of you in the cabin and then cut away her masts and scuttle her!" AFTERWARD." Bow a Battlefield Appears to One of the Survivors. The beginning of a battle, unless brought on by accident, as it were, reminds one of mourners standing about an open grave in cemetery waiting for the clods of earth to fall upon the coffin. The cool, deliberate way in which troops are moved and bat teries plaoed in position tries your nerve. Men speak to each other in subdued voices, and the commands . of the officers are low and stern. A regiment la bnt a cog in one of the wheels; a division one of the dozen wheels of the great machine. . Ton may now and then catch sight of the enemy as he also moves to the right or left or ad vances, or yov may not see anything of him for an hoar after the battle opens. ' xour brigade is in battle una and has been waiting for an hour. There is a line of si lrmishers down along the bosh fringed croi ,ic, but you know it only because yon saw thtm go down across the field, A dis tant cheer comes floating over the wheat fields. Some commander has been address ing his troops. Five minutes later there is a pop! pop) pop! all along the skirmish line. The enemy is moving forward in battle line. The skirmishers are the gnats stinging the elephant. Thev kill and wound, but of what result is the death or disabling of fifty men out of a division ? Mow the field pieces open one after an other. They are to the riehton the bills, but you feel the earth trembling where you stand, and the crackle of musketry is ab sorbed in the roar of the rifled guns. You are pale faced; your chin quivers; your legs are strangely weak. You shout with relief as the enemy suddenly appears on the slope and you get the command to fire The coming of night may end a hattle which has raged along a front of ten miles from early morn, fie enemy may have been beaten and drawn off. We. may hav been driven. If the going dowu of the sun and the coming of night has left victory undecided, there is a gradual dying away of the roar of the larger guns. The spite ful 6 and 0 pounders keep to their work for half an hour longer. Then you hear only the boom of a single gun, and the fn-i- of muskets, which hits been a continuous roar for long hours, slackens off and dies out until there is only a sifllen sputter, us from the wick of a candle touched with water. The night will not be entirely quiet. Here and there the pickets will fire into the darkness at intervals, and guns and troops will be moved to new po sitions. But it is only after the battle after both armies have abandoned the field that you realize the horror of a struggle where 200,000 men have been engaged, r rom right to left flank is a distance of, say, nine miles. Both flanks were held by cavalry. The line ran through meadows, over flower fields, across woodlands and through the orchards sur rounding farmhouses. Everywhere along this front are dead and wounded men dead and wounded horses, dismounted guns, sabers, swords, muskets and ac- couterments. Here in this hazel thicket a dozen mortally wounded men crawled away to die. Under the wild plum tree shading the waters of the brook are a score of wounded men, some of whom left trails of blood as they drew themselves along inch by inch to reach the water for which they thirsted as never before. There are dead men among the ripening wheat, on the sterile hillsides, in the clover over which the honey bees are hovering, among the red and white hollyhocks of the farm er's garden. The field is left to the hospital corps and the brigade detailed for burial duty. Field hospitals are erected here and there, and the wounded are gathered in. Blood drips from their wounds as they are carried along blood on. the grass, on the rocjts and leaves and bushes blood until you turn your eyes to the blue sky to forget its color. Men are earned post you who seem to be dead; others groan in agony; others still cry out and curse at the Samaritans of the battlefield. And of the dead? Right here where they lie in winrows, some across each other. a brigade tried to drive itself Into our cen ter as a wedge, and was almost wiped out of existence by grapeshot, canister and bullet. Farther to the left we find them only at intervals and not so near our lines. Over the hill and on each side of the dusty highway we come upon them by scores again. Here we hud a battery, and half a brigade charged out of the woods to take itl Standing here you can see dead men dotting the ground to the very edge of the forest. The guns were turned upon them as soon as they appeared, and the fire was murderous. Here is whete they were checked and shattered and driven back by the volleys of the infantry in support of the guns. If there were any wounded among the dead they have crawled away. And here, just in the edge of theorchard, the earth is almost hidden by the dead and wounded. Men have carried water from the cool, deep well to the wounded the dead await burial alone. Here was a hand- to-hand fight over two fleldpieces. Were they worth 1300 lives? And as the guns limbered up and dashed off to a new po sition the iron shod feet of the excited horses were planted on the faces of dead men on the breasts of men crying out with their wounds and the heavy wheels followed after to grind human flesh into earth. And now the long and shallow trenches have been dug on the hillside overlooked by peach trees, and we gather up the dead on the section assigned to us and place them side by side. There Is only a brief search after Identity never a eulogy or a prayer over one. Friends in these trenches, foes in those over there. So let them be covered into sleep until the last trumpet calls. Known or unknown, what matters it to them f M. Quad. Mr. Labouchere's Point. An occasion on which Mr. Laboucbere startled the house was when he called Mr. Forster to account in a debate on Irish pol icy. Mr. Forster had been subjected to a severe cross examination by Lord John Manners and Sir Henry Wolff. Mr. For ster replied frankly to all questions sub mitted to him, but carefully refrained from making any fresh disclosures of criminal action on the part of the govern ment. In the course of this debate Mr. Forster, in order to strengthen his own position, read extracts from a private letter which he had received from Mr. Chamber lain. Mr. Labouchere was on his feet in an instant, amid loud cheers from the Lib eral side, and asked whether it was in ac cordance with official usage for a gentle man who bad left the cabinet to read a S reels of a private communication made to im as a member of the cabinet by a mem ber of the house of commons without the consent of his colleagues. This shot of Labouchere's hit the bull's eye. Mr. For ster was silent, and Mr. Gladstone rose to his feet, declining to express any opinion whatever on his late chief secretary's con ductLondon Cor. New York World. A Furious Snake. An intelligent Burman told me that a friend of his one day stumbled upon a nest of serpents, and immediately retreated, but the old female gave chase. The man fled with all speed over hill and dale, dingle and glade, and terror seemed to add wings to his flight, till reaching a small river he plunged in, hoping he had then escaped this fiery enemy; but, lot on reach ing the opposite bank np reared the furious hamadryad, its dilated eyes glistening with rage, ready to burr its fangs ' into his trembling body. In utter despair he be thought himself of his turban, and in a moment dashed it upon the serpent, which darted upon it like lightning, and for some moments wreaked it vengeance in furious bites, after which it returned quietly to it former haunt. Thanotophldla. '(''; A Strange Mania,';'' :;'. ' A Kansas City man has a mania for kill ing rate. He sallies out at night with ter riers and engages in the work with much enjoyment. . He say be will not stop until be has killed loo.opo rodents. Philadelphia Ledger. v'1' r . ' v,, J m. AND MRS; BOWSER THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY TRIES TO CHANGE SOME BEDSTEADS. Be Think Ha Knows All About It and Sails In Despite Mrs. Bowser's En treaties, but the End Came at Last. No More for Bowser. Copyright, 1803, by Charles B. Lewis. "When you go down in the morning I wish you'd do an errand for me," observed Mrs. Bowser as she looked up from the stocking she was darning. "What is itr" queried Mr. Bowser. "I want to change a couple of the bed steads up stairs, and I want a man to come up from a furniture store." "What's the matter with me doing the work? I haven't got anything particular to do for the next ten minutes. It's no use in fooling around a week to get somebody up here and pay him two dollars for a quarter of an hour's work. I'll do it and give you the two dollars." "You are real good, Mr. Bowser, but it's hard work lugging bedsteads around, and you'll you'll" "I'll get mad and blame you, you mean ?" "Y-yes." "Never made a bigger mistake in your life! You haven't seen me mad in ten years, and I'm not the sort of husband to blame my wife for what I do myself. What put such an absurd notioa into your head?" ''Hadn't you just as soon send up a man?" "Not if the court knows herself I I feel just like wrestling with something heavy, and I'll make the change before you can count a hundred." "And you won't blame me?" "Blame you, my dearl When did I ever blame you for anything? And what can I blame you for, even if I was that sort of hyena?" Mr. Bowser whistled a merry air as he took off his Coat and cuffs and proceeded up stairs. The bedsteads were ready to be taken down and changed. The first thing was to remove the mattress. He seized it by the roots, as it were, gave it a flip and a twist and landed it on the floor. "The idea of sending up a man!" he ex vlaimed as he pushed up his sleeves and reached out for the Borings. "And the idea of my getting mad about" ARB TOU GETTING ALONG ALL RIGHT, DEAR? The two foot slats fell down, the springs made a sudden dive and Mr. Bowser's shins brought up against something an tique and bard. It was not a railroad sandwich. He stepped back and was about to begin a speech when Mrs. Bowser looked in and queried: "How are .you getting along, dear?" "Beautifully, and you can't help anv! he replied, as the red spread clear back to his collar button. She retreated and he spat on his hands and surveyed the springs from six differ ent directions. It finally and suddenly oc curred to bim to drop the other Blats and let the springs fall to the floor, and he was rubbing his hands when Mrs. Bowser looked in again. "Just a little scheme of my own. chuckled Mr. Bowser. "I think I could give some of these furniture men a pointer or two on handling bedsteads." Well, don't get all heated up, and don't lose your temper." There are seventeen different ways to take down a bedstead. It was some time before Mr.-Bowser discovered any of these ways. It suddenly flashed upon him that tne ends of the rails lifted np. He lifted; no go. He tugged; something wobbled. He kicked; both ends of the rail came out at once, and without any particular object in view Mr. Bowser plunged forward and sprawled out on the mattress. Now, by the great horn spoon, but I win do somebody or something a mortal injury!" he howled as be kicked out in every direction. "The idea that a free born citizen of these United States can't take down an infernal old bedstead in his own house without being "Insulted and de graded is enough" He gave the footboard a kick. It wasn't any such kick as a mule with a hind leg fourteen feet long could give, but just an ordinary fat man's kick, with a good deal of mad behind it. The intention was to smash the whole bedstead into toothpicks and knock down the hall partition, but it didn't pan out. Mr. Bowser was leaning against the wall holding his kicking foot high in air and gasping for breath, when Mrs.' Bowser looked in and kindly asked: "Are you getting along all right, dear)"' He looked at her a long time in silence. His face had a choride of lime color, his ears were working vigorously and it was evident that he was boiling within. "Mrs. Bowser!" he whispered as he limped over and glared into her eyes like a long suffering animal . brought to bay, "yon knew how this thing would result, and you deliberately put up the job to re venge on me!" "Why, Mr. Bowser, I warned you at the outset not" "Never did never! You had the thing all planned before I got home I If you want to murder me, and it seems that you do, why not shoot me in my sleep?" "How can you talk so? I told you you'd get mad and" "I am not mad, Mrs. Bowser. I've simply got my eyes opened at lost I No further words are necessary. The limit has been reached. -1 am now going to the library to look over certain papers and ar-, range matters as quietly as possible, and I must not be disturbed. My lawyer will probably consult with your lawyer tomorrow!"- -,. I THE ARIZONA KICKER. fa the Editor's Absence the Horse Ed ' ; '"' - ' Itor Takes Charge, Explanatory. The editor of The Kick er, who is also mayor of the town, has left for Phoenix, this territory, presumably . to marry widow reported to be 'worth 150,000 m cold cash. This issue of the paper is In our charge. We are not the agricultural editor. We are the horse editor, and. feel ourselves entirely com petauv to ran the business. On salary is nine dollars per week, and la supposed to cover all personal risks. Anybody looking for the mayor will also be accommodated. Come early and avoid the rush. First come first served. He Called. Monday afternoon, hear ing that the editor was out of town, Gen eral Ashburton, of Clinch Valley, called at the office intending to wreck things. He fondly expected to find the agricul tural editor in charge and to hold a regu lar picnic, and he was considerably em barrassed when we stopped him with a couple of six shooters and asked him to re- WE STOFPED HIM WITH A COUPLE OF BIX SHOOTERS. new his subscription. We don't think he had the slightest idea of subscribing to The Kicker for another year, as he is not at all literary, but under the circum stances he laid down two dollars and backed out of the shop as gracefully as a dancing master. Ihe general is looking particularly well this spring, and we un derstand that his crops promise big re sults. We shall always be pleased to have him call. He Was Looking. On the same after noon, and soon after the general's depart ure, Ben Williams, bad man, came our way looking for the mayor. He was drunk Saturday evening, and his honor took his gun away for fear of accident. Bad man felt that he had been degraded. Wanted to wipe out the insult in blood. Wanted to do it right away. Stood before us and shrieked for gore. The horse editor (who is ourself) hod him licked in two minutes by the office clock. He had only one dol lar in cash in his wallet. We took that and credited him with six months' sub scription to the best weekly paper in the world. Bod man went away declaring that he loved us. Next! In Poor Luck. Tuesday morning we received a telegram from the editor saying, "Make things red hot this week." While the horse business is our specialty, we can slosh around on most any line to the extent of a column or two. We strapped on our guns and took a walk to see what could be done to gladden the heart of our chief. When in front of the postofflce we met Dave Smiley. Dave has often declared that he would perish before he would sub scribe to The Kicker. We intended to get the drop on bim, but he was np to snuff and got the first shot. Indeed, he did all .the shooting. When we came to draw we found our guns empty, the office boy having drawn oar cartridges and used them to or nament a display line in an auction bill. Dave got two bullets through our bat and then bolted. We are no runner. We are a horse editor with a stiff knee, and now and then one of our victims escapes. If Mr. Smiley will give us a fair show we'll wager $100 to $25 that we'll either have his name on the books or his body in the editor's private graveyard. In Perfect Order. The editor of The Kicker left rather hurriedly Monday morn ing, but we turned to and had everything in perfect shape within an hour. Members of the vigilance committee wanting the rope and our assistance will give the usual Bignal on the alley window. The editor of our contemporary need not feel at all put out, but can shoot at us with the same per fect freedom that has been accorded bim for the last year. We have the riot act where we can put our hand on it at a mo ment's notice, and any one wanting a bad man disarmed and led out of town by the ear will give the usual four knocks on the front door. CARL DUNDER. Signing; Your Name Isn't Always a Safe Process. "Good morning, sergeant," saluted Mr. Dunder as he went down to dee his friend. the fat police sergeant, the other day. uood morning,, Mr. Dunder. You are looking well this morning." "Sergeant, I doan' feel so good in six months before ha, ha, ha!" "Anything happened?" "I should shmile dot she has! Do you see dot five dollar greenback?" "Yes, I see it. Did you give a ten dollar gold piece for it?" "Sergeant, doan' flipeak like dot to me. A long time ago I vhas some greenhorns "IT WAS A KOTE OF $300 FOR SIXTY DATS!" und eaferybody beats me all der time, but I cut off my eyeteeth last fall. Doan' you believe I vhas no haystack any more. I win dot fife dollar on a bet." "Is it possible?" "Of course stie vhas possible. Two mens come in my place der odder day und hat a a glass of beer. By und by one of dem says to me: "Mr. Dunder, vhy doan' you go by some writing school und learn how to write your name in English ?" I do write him in English," I said. "I doan' like to dispute you. but I bet you fife dollar you can't" "Vhell, sergeant, you see what a soft snap dat vhas," grinned Mr. Dunder. "I take dot bet so queek his head shwims aroundt, und he pulls oudt piece of paper und says: - . ' "If yon can write, den my fife dollar vhas gone oop der spout. Put it right here." "And yon wrote itr' asked the sergeant. "I did. I put him dowairi two minutes and took in dot money hal ha I ha! I like to make fife dollar dot rhay eafery day of my life. How U it now? Vhy you look at medotvhayf" ,: r v a-- "Mr. Dunder, have yon a bank account?'' Soberly asked the sergeant. .: ' "Of course. I does peesness mlt der Third National." , "Well, yon have indorsed a note for some body. That bet was a trick to get your name on the back of it" "Not Doan' shpeak like dot to me!" "Better go right np there as quick as you can and see about it. If you have time come back and tell me the news." Mr. Dunder was absent twenty minutes. When he returned, his face was as pale as death and his chin shaking. As he sank into a chair the sergeant queried: "Well, how was itf" "It was a note of $300 for sixty days!" "Humph! Mr. Dunder, how often have I warned you to" "Sergeant!" interrupted Mr. Dunder, as he rose up, "it vhas no use to speak to me! I vhas fife years in America und I doan catch on. Nothing vhas two times alike, und eaferbody vhas full of tricks. Mebbe you like to do me a favor?" "Always glad to accommodate. What is itf" 'Ht vhas shust a Ieedle thing. Vhen dot coroner finds me hanging by der neck und takes me down I like you to say to der jury dot I vhas too innocent und confiding for dis wicked world, und dot I belief it vhas better I make dot shange of location. Goodby, old mans, und mebbe you some times visit my grave und see dot I vhas kept green." Uucle Jim Was Left Out. A colored boy alxxit twelve years old came into the warehouse slapping his bare feet on the floor, and the old man, who had a bale of cotton on a truck, lowered it and turned to ask: "Cashus, lias yo' dun bin to de poss offis?" "Yes, sah." "Whar's deniail?" "Didn't dun git no mail." "What! Did yo' inquar' fur Moses Washington White?" "Yes, sah." "An fur de ole woman?" "Yes, sah." "An fur Miss Evangeline White?" "Yep." "An fur Miss Louisa White?" "Yep." "Boy! Doan' yo' practice no foolishness wid me! Did yo' inquar' if dar' was any lettah fur my brudder Dan'l?" "I did, sah." "An my sister Linda?" "Yes, sah." "An did de possmaster dun look?" "He did." "Didn't git no letters nor papers?" "Nuffin 'tall, Bah." "Did yo' dun inquar' in a loud voice?" "Yes." "Wasn't in a hurry 'bout it?" "No, sah." "Wall, dat's powerful curus. Boy, look-a-heah! Did yo' dunax datpossoffisifdar was a lettah fur my ole Uncle Jim?" "N-no, sah." "Hul Yo' didn'tl Dat 'splains de hull biz'ness cl'ar as noonday! All dem lettah has bin put in dat pigeonhole fur Uncle Jim, an yo' git right down dar like a streak o' grease an f unnish dat possoffls wid sich an egotistical circulashun as will dissipate dem fo'teen lettah s right up heah to me befo' dat clock strikes 'leben times!" A Failure at the Falls. We were within twenty miles of Niagara falls when the man occupying the third seat ahead with his wife came back tf me to ask: "Stranger, have you ever been at the falls to look around any?" "Yes; several times." "Wuth the money, is it?" "I think so." "There's a place there they call ProsDect pint, I hear?" "Yes." "It's right down where the water biles over the falls?" "Yes, sir." "Wall, look a-here," he continued as he dropped his voice almost to a whisper, "is it true that if any one stands there for a few minutes looking at the water he feels that he must jump over?" "It affects some people that way, I be lieve." "Does it affect women folks the same as men?" "Very likely." "It would affect a woman of fifty, wouldn't it?" "I should think so." "So should I. That's all, and I'm much oblecged." He rejoined his wife, who appeared to be about fifty years old, and we got off to gether at the Falls. Late in the afternoon I met the man alone in the park, and after some general conversation I asked how the view from the point had affected his wife. "It was a dead failure," he whispered, as he looked around to see if any one else was within hearing. "How do you mean?" "She stood right up there as stiff as a poker for more'n half an hour and watched that bilin and never jumped nor wanted to Jump!" M. Quad. Incongruous. Critics marvel at the incongruity dis played by modern authors, but matters were not better of old. For instance, it is said that Braham was once engaged in the representation of a lyric drama, when, clad in evening dress, white tie, spotless gloves and bearing a crush hat, he advanced to the footlights and said: "Here I am, wandering in the midst of a primeval forest. Alas, how terrible! But what is this I see before me? A grand pi ano! Thank fortune I This will beguile the heavy moments until a ship arrives to rescue me I" London Tit-Bits. ... A Sensible dlrL He (timidly) Now that we are engaged, I-I presume l may may kiss you, as much as I please, mayn't I? She (encouragingly) Yea, indeed. Make the most of your time, dear. There's no telling how long an engagement will last -nowadays, you know. New York Weekly. Willing to Work. , : Mr. Bullion Huh 1 Want to marrvmv daughter, eh? What do you expect to do ' for a living? Tell me that. Mr. Poorchapp Well er I was think ing you might er need a confidential as-' sistant to help clip coupons. Exchange, 'V ' The Good Thing About Bim. , v. Fogg Oh. yon are too hard on Flimsier. , He hw his faults, bnt there Is one good ' thing about bim. '.- Brown And pray, what Is that? Fogg He er 'I cant recall it lust at this moment Exchange. , '4,v A Dark Mystety, t'S&v'" I Good Little Boy Does majority rule ia r this country? 1 -i i - Father Indeed it does. t Good Little Boy Then how does 'it hap- . pen that one bad little boy can get all ns good little boys into so much mischief? Good News. " ."',' ; -. f-.i-.-'... - J-. ,trl y:V:-
The Semi-Weekly Citizen (Asheville, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
June 16, 1892, edition 1
3
Click "Submit" to request a review of this page. NCDHC staff will check .
0 / 75